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Book Name Jokes

90 book name jokes and hilarious book name puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about book name that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Book Name Short Jokes

Short book name jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The book name humour may include short book jokes also.

  1. Today, when my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" I burst into tears... 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Dave...
  2. There was a man named peta who was reading a book called "Animals" He didn't like it so he put it down
  3. My son came to me & said: 'Can I have a book mark?' 14 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Jeff
  4. If comic books have taught me anything it’s that something named OMICRON is going to be near impossible to defeat unless we all work together to defeat it.
  5. Today my son asked, "Can you lend me a book mark?" I immediately burst into tears.
    12 years old and he doesn't know my name is Brian.
  6. Read a book about gay marriage in Ireland The authors' names are: Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.
  7. My kid just asked "can I please have a book mark?" 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian
  8. Did you read that book on gay marriage by the two Irishmen? Their names are Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.
  9. I asked the librarian if they had any books on Pavlov. She said she'd have to check to be sure, but that the name rang a bell.
  10. My mum said to me, "can you please pass me a book mark?" Absolutely broken. 25 years old and she doesn't know my name is Scott.

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Book Name One Liners

Which book name one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with book name? I can suggest the ones about book and author and book cover.

  1. What do you call a book that lists the names of every drug on Earth? Addictionary
  2. Finally they named the book about the Titan Submarine.
    20,000 Leaks Under the Sea
  3. Why was the band named "Books" So no one would judge them by their covers
  4. Sonny Bono can't tell you the name of the tiger in The Jungle Book... But Cher can.
  5. If Toys R Us had a book, Chapter 11 would be named "bankruptcy"
  6. I wrote a book about Homeopathy.... I named it 1001 uses of Alcohol.
  7. Can I tell you the name of the tiger in the jungle book? I Sher Kan.
  8. When Light wrote Chuck Norris' name in the Death Note, the book died.
  9. What is the Name of a controversial camping book? "my camp"
  10. What's a good name for a therapy book on coping with irritable bowel syndrome?
  11. The Name of The Book I'm Reading is The Book Your Reading
  12. What is the name of a children's book by someone who hates children? I hate children.
  13. What did the Hippo name his book? Hipeponymous
  14. I was in the Guinness world record book My names Adam
  15. What's the name of a Korean cook book? 150 ways to wok your dog

Uplifting Book Name Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about book name you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean children book jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make book name pranks.

Three guys are arrested in an adult book store and appear before the judge.


He asks the first guy to stand:
"What is your name?" he asked.
"John," the guy answered.
"And why were you arrested?" the judge asked.
"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered.
The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy and called up the next one.
"What's your name?" he asked.
"John," the guy answered.
"Why were you arrested?" the Judge asked.
"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered.
Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, 'This so-called adult store is begining to sound more like a smoking club!' he thought.
So he dismissed the charge and called up the next guy.
"What's your name?? No wait, let me guess; John." he said.
"No," said the guy, "My name is Smoke."

A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit.


He asked the driver her name.
She said, "I'm Mrs.
Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia."
As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

Yo mama is s**..., she put a book in her friend face and named facebook.

A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?"
And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed."
"Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?"
And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make."
"And what is the name of this position?"
"You know, imagine the m**...."

Retired

My friends that still work ask me frequently what I do every day, now that I'm retired. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and entered a shop; I wasn't there for even five minutes.
When I exited, a cop was filling out a ticket for double-parking. I quickly approached him and said, "Wow, officer! I didn't spend more than five minutes in the store! God would reward you if you made a kind gesture toward an old, retired man, such as myself." He completely ignored me and continued filling out the ticket.
The truth is, I went a little overboard, so I apologized. The cop looked at me coldly and started to fill out a second ticket, saying that besides being double-parked, my license plate was crooked. I then raised my voice and called him every name in the book. He finished the second ticket and placed it under the windshield wiper.
I didn't desist, and continued to insult him with all I had. To every insult, he smiled vengefully and filled out yet another ticket. After the fifteenth infraction, I told him, "I'm afraid I must leave you, officer - my bus has arrived!"

Two men are talking on a subway train...

So two strangers sit next to each other and begin to read quietly. After a while, they notice that they are both reading the same book. They get to talking, and eventually they get around to exchanging names. The first man says,
"Im Bill. What's your name?"
"My name is Jesus Christ," says the second man.
"Oh come on, your name isnt Jesus Christ," says Bill
"Sure it is" he responds. "Follow me to the bar. Ill prove it to you."
So they go to the man's bar, and as soon as the bartender catches sight of him, the bartender says, "*Jesus Christ,* are you here again?!?"

h**... and the Jew

My grandfather gave me this book when I was younger, It is called The Book of Jewish Humor (or something similar). Here is one of my favorite jokes:
--------------------------------------------------------
During WW2, in Germany, a Jewish man was walking down the street. As ordered by the n**...'s, he was forced to wear a star on his lapel, to signify that he was a Jew.
Meanwhile, h**... had recently bought a new Mercedes, and was cruising around in his sleek new car. As he went down the street he decided to put his new car through its paces, and pushed the pedal to the floor. He was going faster than any other car on the road, and his protection detail had given up trying to follow him. All of a sudden, his car hit a puddle, and h**... lost control. As he careened off the road, he narrowly missed hitting the Jewish man, and instead ran into a building.
The Jewish man, seeing the car c**... ran to the scene, and quickly freed h**..., who had been trapped under his car. The instant he saw who it was, he gasped, and took a step back.
h**..., seeing the man who rescued him quickly went over and said
"Thank you so much for saving my life! I don't care if you are a Jew, you have rescued me and can have anything that you want, just name it!"
The man thought for a little while, and after a long pause said "Please, don't tell anyone..."

Two women meet in heaven...

There's these two women meeting for the first time in heaven who's names are Carol and Lydia. Carol leans over and asks Lydia what the cause of her death was. Lydia says, "Well I froze to death. How did you die?" To which Carol replies "I died of a massive heart attack." Very concerned, Lydia asks "What caused the heart attack?" Carol starts then explaining on how she thought her husband was cheating on her. And how she had come home early to catch him in the act but, to her surprise, only found her husband sitting in the den reading a book. But convinced there was another women in the house, she frantically started destroying the house looking for the other women until she was so exhausted that her heart just stopped working. Amazed at the story, Lydia looks at Carol and says, "If you would have looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

Adult book store

Three guys are arrested in an adult book store and appear before the judge. He asks the first guy to stand:
"What is your name?" he asked.
"George," the guy answered.
"And why were you arrested?" the judge asked.
"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke," he answered.
The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy and called up the next one.
"What's your name?" he asked.
"George," the guy answered.
"Why were you arrested?" the Judge asked.
"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke," he answered.
Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, 'This so-called adult store is begining to sound more like a smoking club!' he thought. So he dismissed the charge and called up the next guy.
"What's your name?? No wait, let me guess; George," he said.
"No," said the guy, "My name is Smoke."

Some Tim Vine jokes...

"I tell you what makes my blood boil..... Crematoriums."
"People with guns who say give me your money... you gotta hand it to them."
"So I went to my local department store and said I cant decide whether to buy this bed or not. He said do you want to sleep on it? I said of course I do."
"I refuse to work in the subway. Its beneath me."
"I met this girl called Ena. Everytime I see her I say Hi Ena and she laughs her head off."
"I cant remember my homing pigeon's name but am sure it will come back to me."
"Did you know the best selling DVD this year is Poltergeist? Its flying off the shelves."
"So i was reading this book about the history of glue.... I couldn't put it down."

There's this lady who works in a bank...

... her name is Patricia Wack, but all her friends and colleagues call her Pattie. She's very good at her job. One of those people who pays painful and pedantic attention to detail, does everything by the book, and is generally a bit annoying, but does a great job as a bank teller.
One day, while she's going about her daily tasks, a frog hops up onto her counter.
"I want a loan," says the frog.
"Have you filled out the application?" asks Patricia.
"No," replies the frog. "I don't need to bother with all that b**.... Just go and get your manager. I've dealt with him before, and he'll give me the loan."
"Hang on," says Patricia, "I don't see any paperwork or ID, and I don't know the first thing about you. I don't know if you're having me on, or trying to defraud the bank. What's your name?"
"Kermit Jagger," says the frog.
"Now you're really having me on," says Patricia. "Get out of this bank before I call the police."
"No, seriously, go talk to your manager," says the frog. He digs around in his pocket and pulls out a Mr Bean Bobblehead. "Take this and give it to him. He'll know what it is."
Patricia reluctantly takes the toy, and walks upstairs to her manager's office. She knocks on the door, and he waves her in.
"What is it, Pattie?" He asks.
"Well, sir, there's a frog downstairs wanting a loan, but has none of the necessary documents or ID. He says he knows you, and to give you this." With that she places the bobblehead on the manager's desk.
The manager looks at it for a little while, smiles and says, "No worries, Pattie. You can go ahead and approve him up to $20,000."
"But sir!!! He has no ID or credit history with him! He didn't bring any paperwork, and won't do this by the book at all! What's going on, anyway? And what is that... toy that he made me bring to you, anyway?? What's that got to do with it?"
The manager sighs, leans forward, and says, "It's a nick-nack, Pattie Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Nelson Mandela

Nelson Mandela went on holiday, and booked into a hotel. After his first day he went to bed, however he was awoken in the morning by someone knocking at his door. The man at the door said "Are you Nelson Mandela?"

"Yes" He replied

"Well, I've got a parcel for you" The man replied

He was very confused by this, as no one even knew he was staying there. When he opened it, there was a bunch of steering wheels inside, which was even more strange as he couldn't drive.

He got on with the rest of his day, and yet again he was woken in the morning by the same man. This time the parcel was full of carburetors, he had no idea what was going on.

On the third morning, the man arrived again. "Got another parcel for you" He said

"Are you sure these are for me?"

"Yep, got your name on it right here" He said

Nelson had a look for himself "That's not my name" He exclaimed "This says to Nissan Main Dealer"

The pope dies and goes to heaven

He arrives at the pearly gates of heaven and meets Saint Peter. Saint Peter asks "What is your name?". The pope, expecting a warm welcome, reacts surprised. "I'm the pope!", he says. St Peter looks into his book but cannot find an entry for the pope. "I'm the head of catholic church, surely you must know me!" says the pope. St Peter doublechecks but can't find anything at all. The pope insists he should be more than welcome in heaven, so after a while, St Peter says "wait a second, I'll go get God".
God arrives and takes a look at the pope, but he doesn't recognise him either. The pope tries to explain his position as leader of the church on earth, but God just doesn't seem to understand much of it. He decides to get his son Jesus, maybe he knows more.
Jesus and the pope step aside and talk for a minute or 2. Then, a smiling Jesus goes back to God and says "Dad, do you remember that fishing club I had 2000 years ago? It still exists!"

Christmas in July

A guy wants to get a really unique gift for his new wife for their fist Christmas together so he walks into a pet store with a sign advetising an amazing singing parrot. He goes to the counter to explain his situation and inquires about the bird. The shop keeper explains the bird would be perfect and takes the man over to show him what the bird can do.
The shop keeper explains that the bird's name is Chet and that he works on cues then produces a book of matches from his pocket. Lighting one he holds it below the parrots right foot and immediately Chet begins to sing "Silent Night" so beuatiful it rivals Perry Como. The keeper then moves the match to the left foot and Chet begans singing "White Christmas" even more beautifully than the first song.
The man exclaims "Thats amazing, does he know any other songs?"
Oh yes, replies the shop keeper as he moves the match to between the birds legs..."Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire"

Library Inventory

A librarian in a small book collection is just finishing up the process of cataloging his physical inventory and is combing through the stacks to double-check his work. Suddenly, he sees a bit of crinkled cover just peeking out behind a shelf in the very back of the building. Confused, he steps quietly over, reaches down, and gently wriggles the attached book free.
In his hands is an old, dusty copy of the The Hobbit, which he knows he hasn't included in his count. He's never even seen this book before! He quickly shuffles to the back room and sits down at his computer. Tapping away, he records the title, print date and location, and inventory code number. Unfortunately, right as he was entering the author name, about to finally finish long months of recording, he threw an unexpected Tolkien error.

Found this one in a joke book I wrote in elementary school. (not an original)

A grasshopper walked into a bar. The bartender said,
"We have a drink named after you!"
Imagine that, a drink named Howard.

Ten Science Jokes for Nerds

* I'm reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
* I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn't seem to be gaining momentum.
* Why can't atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don't believe in higher powers.
* Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
* Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
* A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
What do we want? .
Time travel
When do we want it? .
Irrelevant.
* What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
* A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies For you, no charge .
* Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm positive.
* An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.

What did Charles Darwin name his book about food?

*On the Origin of f**...*

There was a pub quiz last week

And there was a round on Literature. The question was "Name the book where the characters all lived behind a wardrobe". Imagine the disgust when I shouted "The diary of Anne Frank"!

Game of Thrones

Q: What's the name of Hodor's cat?
> A: Hodor
Q: Why did Hodor cross the road?
> A: Hodor
Q: How many Hodors does it take to screw in a lighbulb?
> A: Hodor
Q: What's the title of Hodor's favorite book?
> A: Hodor
Q: Why wasn't Hodor invited to the party?
> A: Hodor
"Hodor"
"Who's there?"
"Hodor"
"Hodor who?"
"Hodor"

Religious Cowboy

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a toad walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the toad's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the toad. "Your name is written inside the cover."

I'm writing a book about common Mexican names...

I'm gonna call it "50 Shades of José"

Inigo Montoya gets married

He tells his new wife that he has always wanted a son to carry on the family name. They try for several years, but never have any children. Upset, he takes her to Miracle Max to see what can be done. Miracle Max looks her over, asks some questions, consults his books, and comes back with the bad news. He tells Inigo that his wife will never bear children. It turns out that she's inconceivable.

Man discovered a new dinosaur, part raptor, part slug, part crab, they asked what he would name it

howthefuckshouldino was then added to the history books.

The Lost Bible

One day a devout preacher lost his favorite Bible while he was at a spiritual retreat in the mountains. He was devastated, and began to lose his faith. Three weeks later, a dog walked up to him after church service, carrying the Bible in its mouth. The preacher couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the dog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the dog. "Your name is written inside the cover."

s**... Statistics on a Plane.

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about s**... statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about s**... statistics.
It identifies that American Indians have the longest
average p**... and Polish men have the biggest average
diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

A man walked into the book shop and asked the book seller: I want to buy a book named Man is the ruler of woman.

Fiction book are sold in the next room.

Why don't gas stations sell phone books and city maps?

If the maps showed the names of the families, my dad would be able to find his way back home!

Norwegian last names seem so literal...

So why can't we take a leif out of their book?
Afternote: I know I'm wrong about the language or country or something. Can someone tell me how so?

A Bad Joke for History 10/10 - "It was awful until I learned the name of the book." -Sugar Daddy, "A fake legend." -Sugar Mama

On Valentine's Day

On Valentine's Day , a man and his wife got up from bed
The wife told the man that she dreamt of him giving her a diamond ring on Valentine's Day. She asked him what it meant. He said, " You'll see tonight."
That night he came home with a small package.
Excited, his wife opened the package to find a book named "The Meaning of Dreams"

A man walks inside a library..

And ask librarian for a book named "Psyco The r**...". Librarian told him they have no such book.
After a while man returns with abbook in his hand and slams it in front of librarian and said "What is this then?".
Librarian picks up the book and reads the title "Psychotherapist".

Two Irishmen wrote a book about the joys of gay marriage.

Their names are Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.

I've tried every trick in the book to get a woman to cry out my name in bed...

In end it was easier to just change my name to "already?"

Why are there no Chinese names in the phone book?

Because there's too many wings and too many wongs so you might wing the wong number.

Three men go to heaven

St. Peter looks in the book and says to the first man, You spent your whole life trying to get drunk. You even married a woman named Ginny, and he points him to the down escalator.
To the next man he says, You spent your whole life trying to get rich. You even married a woman named Penny, and he points him to the down escalator.
The third guy turns and heads for the down escalator. St. Peter says, Where are you going? The man says, My wife's name is Fannie.

Some chinese guy opened a book store, but never got any customer.

He named the place ''Wong Fu King Book Store''

A man named Albert Smith once wrote in a hotel visitors book his initials A.S.

Somebody wrote underneath two-thirds the truth

Today I learned the fame of Albert Einstein pales in comparison to his brother whose work in cellular regeneration has been the subject of many books and several movies.

His name was Frank.

Proud to say I did my first book signings in Barnes & Noble today! I managed to write my name in 27 random books before someone from security threw me out!

I asked my son what he wanted for Christmas. He said, "How about a book mark?"

I cried. He still doesn't know my name is Josh.

Genghis khan read a book about living in the Mongol empire

The books name was "Pros and Khans of living in the Mongol empire"

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?"

I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.

First Pupil: "I visited my Nana." Teacher: "Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother."
Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo." Teacher: "Please, you had a ride on a train."
Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time." Teacher: "Excellent. And what was the name of the book?" Third Pupil, with a big grin: "Winnie The s**...!"

It's a miracle

A devout old shepherd lost his favorite Bible while he was out looking for a wayward lamb. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The shepherd couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the sheep's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, It's a miracle!
Not really, said the sheep. Your name is written inside the cover.

How to one lady got out of a speeding ticket.

The Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.

She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Tallahassee."

The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

A POLICEMAN pulls over a speeding car and takes out his little book.

The driver lowers her window.
policeman: Name, please?
Woman: Freda.
Policeman: Surname?
Woman: Gonow.
Policeman: So you are Freda Gonow.
Woman: Thanks very much , and she takes off!

The Age Factor

(Taken from Reader's Digest Year:1998)
Even though she's been teaching English for 25 years, my mother never felt her age was an issue, until the day she helped a student with a report on the Vietnam War. Mom recognised the name of a war correspondent mentioned in the textbook and blurted, "I used to date him!"
Peering up from his work, another wide-eyed student asked, "You dated someone from our history book?"

One day while a cowboy was building a barn.....

he lost his favorite book. A week later, one of his horses came up to him holding the book in its mouth. The cowboy was stunned. He took the book from the horse and said, It's a miracle!
Not exactly, said the horse. Your name is written inside.

A collector of rare books ran into a friend who told him he had just thrown out an old Bible that he had found in a dusty old box.

The collector's friend mentioned that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed the Bible.
"You don't mean Gutenberg?" gasped the collector.
"Yes, that was it!"
"You fool! You've thrown out one of the first books ever printed! A copy was recently auctioned off for hundreds of thousands of dollars!"
"Oh, I doubt this book would be worth even nearly as much. Some dude named Martin Luther scribbled all over the margins."

Have you heard the story of the two skunks named In and Out?

They lived in the forest with their mother skunk. And whenever In was in, Out was out. And whenever In was out, Out was in.
One day, when In was out and Out was in, mother skunk said to Out, "Out, I need you to go out and bring In in."
So Out went out and immediately brought In in.
And their mother asked, "My, that was fast! Out, how did you find In so quickly?"
And Out said, "It was easy. Instinct."
(a favorite of mine from when I was young that I recently re-discovered in an old joke book)

jokes about book name