book Jokes

funny book pick up lines and hilarious book puns

I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book...

She laughed at me, and said

"Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

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Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as...

"The most violent book I have ever read"

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My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable.

It was an autobiography...

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I accidentally sent a dick pic to everyone in my address book.

Not only was it embarrassing, but it also cost me a fortune in stamps.

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They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book

That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader

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A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
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Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
Β 
The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!
Β 
The man said, Yes, that's the one.Β  Do you have it in paperback?

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A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."

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A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one"

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Librarian: Can I help you?

Dave: Yeah, I'm looking for a book about-

Librarian: Being psychic?

Dave: No...

Librarian: One day that will work.

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TIFU by sending my nudes to everyone in my address book

Cost me a fortune in stamps

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A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.

He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover

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My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings:

1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking

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I'm writing a book called 'Stop Overreacting.'

If no one buys it I'm going to kill myself.

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My penis just entered the Guinness Book of World Records!

Then the librarian caught me.

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Today, when my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" I burst into tears...

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Dave...

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Two mice are chewing on a film roll

One says, "I liked the book better"

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My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure.

So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die.

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Have a turkish joke

A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"

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What do you call a book club that's been stuck on only one book for years?

The Church

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I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat

The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."

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I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat.

She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

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143 year old troll

I found this history text book from 1873 at a flea market today, and it's super old school. On page 23, there is a thing that says look on page 150 in pencil in the top margin- so I go to page 150 and the guy had written you are a fool for looking . Fuckin got me bro. Trolled me 143 years in the future good for him.

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I'll have you know that my penis was once in the guinness book of world records...

But then the librarian yelled at me and made me leave the library.

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I've been reading a book on euthanasia...

It's so good I can't put it down.

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a man goes to a library and asks for a book on suicide.........

Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who's gonna bring it back ?

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A deeply religious man is trying to book a room at a hotel.

He asks the receptionist if the pornography is disabled. To which she replies, "No. We just have regular pornography, you sick fuck."

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The librarian NSFW

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?"Β 

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."


"Yeah that's the one"

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I asked the librarian if she had the new book about short penises....

She said, "It's not in yet".
I replied, "YES, That's The Book!"

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A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles.

The librarian asks "hard back?"

The guy replies "yeah little heads too."

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Damn girl are you a math book?

Because you have a lot of fucking problems I don't want to deal with.

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Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.

Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.

Yoda: Hello, welcome, you are.

Man: Hi, I'd like to book a triplex for the weekend.

Yoda: Sorry I am, only duplex we have.

Man: Are you sure? I really need the triplex.

Yoda: There is no tri, only du.

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I bought my wife a dildo and a book for her birthday..

If she doesn't like the book she can go fuck herself.

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I read a book about Stockholm Syndrome.

At first I hated it, but by the end I loved it.

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What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

A key!


This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry.

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The editor rejected my book, he said my metaphores are incomprehensible...

I'm sad as a coconut.

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What are the best Book puns ?

Did you ever wanted to be joking with someone about Book? Well, here are the best Book dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Book pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes