Book Jokes
155 book jokes and hilarious book puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about book that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article contains a selection of book jokes for students, bestsellers and authors! From funny biographies to page turners, these jokes will make any bookworm smile.
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Funniest Book Short Jokes
Short book jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The book humour may include short album jokes also.
- If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 harry potter books, it spells out a secret message HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as... "The most violent book I have ever read"
- Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one
- My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable. It was an autobiography...
- I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia. She whispered: "They're right behind you."
- They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader
- Librarian: Can I help you? Dave: Yeah, I'm looking for a book about-
Librarian: Being psychic?
Dave: No...
Librarian: One day that will work. - A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover
- Today, when my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" I burst into tears... 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Dave...
- Some friends wanted to get married at the public library, but they couldn't... Because it was booked.
\-My pop
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Book One Liners
Which book one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with book? I can suggest the ones about journal and fiction.
- What do u call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for years? Church
- Two mice are chewing on a film roll One says, "I liked the book better"
- Kim Jung Un loves to read books, what does that make him? A glorious reader.
- I've been reading a book on euthanasia... It's so good I can't put it down.
- Look, I'm all for coloring books... but connect-the-dots? That's where I draw the line.
- I read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. At first I hated it, but by the end I loved it.
- $2.1 million worth of textbooks were stolen the other day All eight books were recovered.
- A man died today when a pile of books fell on him.!!! He only had his shelf to blame.,,,,
- "I'd like this book on revenge please" Cashier: "You'll pay for that."
- Life is too short for my book of 5 letter words.
- I have written a book on Penguins In hindsight, paper would have been better.
- I just booked some cheap seats from United. They were in the nosebleed section.
- I've been reading a book about anti-gravity. Man, I just can't put this thing down.
- I wrote a book on penguins once.. Paper probably would've been better!
- One of my books just had a four-star review! The reviewer said "This book is \*\*\*\*"
Writing A Book Jokes
Here is a list of funny writing a book jokes and even better writing a book puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Venus Williams and Bruno Mars were sitting at a bar talking about where they were from.
The bartender said, "Hey - you two should write a book!" - I'm writing a book about WD-40. It's Non-Friction
- Day 19, I have successfully conditioned my master to smile and write in his book every time I drool.- Pavlov's Dog
- I am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It's an oughtobiography.
- Do you think they would write a book about Ellen Page's transformation into Elliot? They really should.
It would be a real Page-turner - My wife said, Why don't you stop with your terrible jokes and write a book instead? I said, That's .....a novel idea.
- I've just finished writing my book on penguins... My wife thinks it would be better on paper.
- A friend of mine is writing a book on Californian sea lions. I assured him that paper would be much easier.
- Snoopy writes a Batman comic book. "He is the Dark and Stormy Knight..."
- I'm writing a book about Indian food... It's gonna be a naan-fiction.
Book Name Jokes
Here is a list of funny book name jokes and even better book name puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There was a man named peta who was reading a book called "Animals" He didn't like it so he put it down
- My son came to me & said: 'Can I have a book mark?' 14 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Jeff
- What do you call a book that lists the names of every drug on Earth? Addictionary
- If comic books have taught me anything it’s that something named OMICRON is going to be near impossible to defeat unless we all work together to defeat it.
- Finally they named the book about the Titan Submarine.
20,000 Leaks Under the Sea - Why was the band named "Books" So no one would judge them by their covers
- Read a book about gay marriage in Ireland The authors' names are: Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.
- My mum said to me, "can you please pass me a book mark?" Absolutely broken. 25 years old and she doesn't know my name is Scott.
- Sonny Bono can't tell you the name of the tiger in The Jungle Book... But Cher can.
- If Toys R Us had a book, Chapter 11 would be named "bankruptcy"
Book Week Jokes
Here is a list of funny book week jokes and even better book week puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's three weeks late, but the "History of Clocks" book I ordered finally arrived. It's about time.
- I ordered a book of puns last week. I didn't get it.
- I'm reading a book about meeting deadlines. I should have finished it a week ago.
- Book club leader: "So last weeks assignment was Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. What did everyone think?" [No one responds]
- I read a book the other day, it said 3-4 years on it but it only took me a week.
- Once I fell for the oldest trick in the book. The next week, she died at the age of 110, and my hip still hurts.
- It takes me 2 weeks to finish a book. It took Al-Qadea 120 Minutes to finish the WTC.
- I read a very good book about astronomy last week. It was stellar.
Book Cover Jokes
Here is a list of funny book cover jokes and even better book cover puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You can't judge a book by its cover Now you can't even assume it's a book
- My friends and I started a band and called it 'Books' so.. No one can judge us by our covers.
- I wrote a book about famous pianists It covers all the key players
- It is hard to find a good book They are all under cover
- The real proof that one shouldn't judge a book by it's cover The real proof that one shouldn't judge a book by it's cover is that math text books have pictures of kids having fun on the front.
- Never judge a book by its cover Use the paragraph on the back instead..
- You shouldn't judge a book by its cover... Unless it's a book about making good first impressions.
- Just like people, I never judge a book by its cover... Unless that cover is brown. In which case I roll up my windows and lock my car doors.
- Did you hear about the book cover designer? He made the front page.
- Never judge a book by its cover But judge a Mexican restaurant by their chips and salsa
Uproarious Book Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about book you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean paper jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make book pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book...
She laughed at me, and said
"Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."
So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.
A frenchman walks into a library
And asks the Librarian if he can checkout a book about War. The Librarian responds, "No, you'll lose it."
The Inauguration of the First Jewish President.
The first Jewish President has just been elected, and is being sworn in. One man in the audience is watching him take the oath, when he realizes he is sitting next to the President's mother.
She turns to him and says,
"You see that man up there, the one with his hand on the book repeating the sentences?"
"Yeah?" He responds
"His brother's a doctor"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend caught me having s**... with a book of optical illusions
I tried explaining to her, "This isn't what it looks like!"
What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?
"I have only my shelf to blame"
Two Jews were arguing whether or not white is a color
After arguing for a week they went for an advice to their rabbi
Rabbi looked into an old book and said yes, white is a color.
A week later same Jews were arguing for a week whether black is a color
Went to the same rabbi who said yes, black is also a color
See!!! says one of them, I did sell you a color TV!!!!
Did you hear about Stevie Wonder getting a cheese grater for his birthday?
He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
A police officer pulls a guy over.....
and the driver rolls down his window and asks why he is being pulled over. The cop explains that he didn't completely stop at the stop sign. The driver says: I slowed down and took a look. The cop grabs him through the window, pulls his head out, and starts slapping him in the face with his summons book repeatedly. After about twenty slaps, the cop asks him:
Do you want me to stop or slow down?
At church, last sunday
…, the preacher said "Jesus died for your sins". At that point, a man got up, furious and shouted "Seriously, man? I was reading that book!"
My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure.
So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die.
What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?
Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.
The Artist
I just saw a group of people who were watching an artist sketch all of them in his book. The man was good too, he really knew how to draw a crowd.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to the library. I said,"Can I borrow a book about s**...?"
The guy said,"We did have one, but we never got it back."
I read a whole book on adhesive substances last night, I just couldn't put it down
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
-Hi, do you have books on midget discrimination?
-Yeah, look on that top shelf in the corner
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.
Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.
Yoda: Hello, welcome, you are.
Man: Hi, I'd like to book a t**... for the weekend.
Yoda: Sorry I am, only duplex we have.
Man: Are you sure? I really need the t**....
Yoda: There is no tri, only du.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 men go on a trip.....
They decided to just book just 1 room with 1 bed to save money.
After the first night, the man who slept on the right said, "I dreamed I was getting a h**... last night."
The man on the left said, " I dreamed about getting a h**... too! What a coincidence! "
The man in the middle said, "I dreamed I was skiing."
What is an alcoholic Mexican's favorite book?
Tequila Mockingbird
I'm laying in bed reading a book, when my dad walks in with a tape measure...
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me.
It gets closer and closer until it eventually pushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings:
1. m**... 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking
A Blonde Walks into a Library
A blonde walks into a library and slams a book on the desk.
She says, "This is the worst book I've ever read!! There's no plot and it has way too many characters!!"
The librarian says, "So that's what happened to our phonebook."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a man goes to a library and asks for a book on s**............
Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who's gonna bring it back ?
Stephen Hawking has finally released his new book about space.
It's about time, too.
A woman searches for something in the living room.
After an hour, worried, she asks her husband:
- Have you seen my book?
- Which one?
- How to live to become 100 years old.
- Ah yes. Yesterday, i threw it away.
- But why?
- Your mother started reading it...
To all those that received a book from me for a Christmas present
They're due back at the library today.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was wondering why the book about s**... I bought had positions like the "hammer and sickle" and "government mandated equality"
Then I realized I was reading the c**... Sutra.
My neighbor's in the guinness book of records.
He's had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me, in fact it's just a stone's throw away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend said he liked the ending of his book so much, he'd j**... to it.
I just don't know how he came to that conclusion.
I finally got around to reading that book by Stephen Hawking.
It was about time.
Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.
They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, What do you think you are doing?
What if you have an accident?
The priests say, Don't worry, my son. God is with us.
The policeman says, In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.
A book falls on Sean Connery's head
"Well, I've only got my shelf to blame"
In space, every book is a good book
You simply can't put it down.
I got fired from my job at the library...
Apparently the book on women's rights doesn't belong in the fiction section.
Someone gave me a book on anger Management
I lost it
What's the hardest part about reading a Veterinarian book?
Putting it down
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...
As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and i**... aliens?
The clerk said, Kiss my a**...… get out… and stay out!
The man said, Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?
Two goats were behind a Hollywood movie studio eating an old movie film.
One goat said to the other, "Pretty good, huh?"
The second goat said, "Yeah, but not as good as the book".
What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?
A key!
This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry.
Just found out I will be in a children's book...
Well it's more of a register
Two rats sit in a dustbin and eat a DVD.
Two rats sit in a dustbin and eat a DVD.
Suddenly, one says:
- You know Stefan, the book was better. (͡ ° ͜ʖ ͡ °)
On a first date last night my date asked, 'So, what do you do?'
Frowning, I held up the menu and said 'you just choose something from this book of food'
I've just seen the most confusing book...
Ventriloquism for Dummies
My therapist said I could book 10 sessions in advance for £6000
She must think I'm crazy!!
A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles.
The librarian asks "hard back?"
The guy replies "yeah little heads too."
The editor rejected my book, he said my metaphores are incomprehensible...
I'm sad as a coconut.
Have a turkish joke
A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"
The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book
How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999? He asks
The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.
Because... he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, ...only 90's kids remember the 90's
Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier.
I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.
So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week
She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."
I asked her: "What do you think it means?"
She smiled and said: "I don't know..."
Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.
I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small p**...?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A KGB agent goes to a library and sees an old Jewish man reading a book.
What are you reading, old man? he asks.
I'm learning Hebrew, comrade, replies the old Jew.
The KGB agent asks, What are you learning Hebrew for? You know it takes years to get a permission to travel to Israel? You will die before you get one.
I'm learning Hebrew for when I go to heaven so I can speak with Moses and Abraham, replies the old man.
How do you know you're going to heaven? What if you go to h**...? asks the KGB agent.
I already speak Russian."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like h**... need a reality check.
After all, its not like Donald Trump could write a book.
Don't give me excuses, I wrote the book on excuses!
Well, I started to, I mean, Its hard, and I got a lot to do...
I went to a bookstore recently.
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I wondered why they were doing that. Then IT hit me.
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach.
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.
The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. The amplitude. The periodicity. The reflections. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is aslo over his head. He drowns.
The chemist is sitting on the beach making notes in his lab book.
He writes, "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."
Why do farmers put bells on their cows?
Because their horns don't work.
(From my 6yo who loves her new joke book.)
My wife has just given me a book with all the words that I'm not supposed to use when we argue....
It's called a dictionary.
I was reading a book when my 5yo cousin asked "why is that book so thick?"
Then i told him "its a long story"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked my wife to go get me a phone book.
She laughed at me, and said "You're so old. Just use my phone."
So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.
I bought a book called "how to scam people on-line"
This was three months ago and it still hasn't arrived ?
A POLICEMAN pulls over a speeding car and takes out his little book.
The driver lowers her window.
Policeman: Name, please?
Woman: Freda.
Policeman: Surname?
Woman: Gonow.
Policeman: So you are Freda Gonow.
Woman: Thanks very much , and she takes off!
A vampire decided to use his immortality to research the best career
He tried every type of job there was, from innovation to construction to civil service, and he landed on the job of mirror cleaner.
In his book on the subject, he said that the tai chi like motions of the arms were very relaxing, and the mirror will certainly get dirty again leading to job security.
"I'm as surprised as you are," wrote the vampire. "It was not a job I could see myself doing."
A man walked into a bookshop and said: I'd like to buy a book by Shakespeare
'Of course' replied the sales assistant 'Any particular one?'
'William, of course' replies the man.
