Bonus Jokes
82 bonus jokes and hilarious bonus puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bonus that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Read this article to find out what happens when you get a bonus from work, or in life. Learn about the different types of bonuses, like Christmas and Diwali bonuses, and the impacts they can have. Discover the benefits of getting a bonus, and why you might not get the extra allowance you expected. Find out the unique advantages of getting a retirement bonus. No matter what situation you're in, these bonus jokes will have you laughing.
Funniest Bonus Short Jokes
Short bonus jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bonus humour may include short reward jokes also.
- I don't always tell dad jokes But when I do, he laughs.
Bonus: my dad says I'm the only joke he'll ever need. - My wife said last night "You treat our marriage like it's some sort of game" Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance
- I was dating a midget but it didn't work out. My parents and friends looked down on her.
Bonus: It was a short relationship. - Wanted: Personal psychic for wealthy client. Salary: $10,000 per week plus bonuses.
Free accommodation.
10 weeks paid leave per year.
Company car.
Generous pension scheme.
You know where to apply. - Who's the coolest guy at the hospital? - The Ultra Sound guy
*Bonus*
Who covers for him when he isn't there?
- The Hip Replacement guy - I'm going to teach you how to speak Irish in the spirit of diversity. Say, "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly.
Bonus: for Australian say, "Good eye might." - Why did the music conductor get arrested? For misconduct.
Bonus - why did the violinist get arrested?
For violence. - "Just the bonuses for the CEO's on Wall Street equals the amount of what half of all American's make on minimum wage in a year" : New York Times But we have a national holiday today called Labor Day
- A health insurance company is offering a cheaper deal to anyone who ticks a box that says they promise not to eat shellfish. They call it their No Clams Bonus.
- Why does Jupiter have farts? Because it's a gas giant.
Courtesy of my 6 year old.
Bonus: Uranus made jupiter.
Share These Bonus Jokes With Friends
Bonus One Liners
Which bonus one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bonus? I can suggest the ones about discount and extra.
- Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus? Because he'd urn-ed it.
- Turning back the clock an hour in 2020 Is like getting a bonus track on a Yoko Ono album.
- What do you call the deaf woman that your wife invited for a three sum? A signing bonus
- What do you call a married knot? Monotonous.
Bonus answer from my wife: a noose. - Executioner deserves a bonus... He's been killing it.
- I thought it was good to get a bonus. It s**... getting a bonus chromosome.
No Bonus Jokes
Here is a list of funny no bonus jokes and even better no bonus puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- At Santa's workshop, there are no Christmas bonuses. Why not? Because they're all elf-employed.
- My boss said he'd give me a bonus if I did an impression of a frog. I jumped at the opportunity.
- I tried being a barber for a while but I just couldn't cut it. Bonus joke:
Had to buy a stepladder the other day, I never knew my real ladder. - What did the Nintendo Wii do when he stopped working? Wii-tired
bonus: In Wii-sconsin - With this new Space Force being stood up... I've already been hearing that enlistment bonuses are going to be astronomical.
- I'll stop at nothing... ...to avoid using negative numbers.
Bonus:
What's yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan - Why do Dutch people have big noses? Because air is free.
### Bonus joke:
* How was copper wire invented?
Two Dutchmen found a penny at the same time. - What does an actor eat for breakfast? Prop tarts.
Bonus: What does an actor eat for a snack?
A: Prop corn. - What did the Italian barista say when he received a new car for his christmas bonus? It's a merry car, no?
- Why can't dwarfs sing? Because they can't reach the high notes.
Bonus: how does dwarves communicate?
Smalltalk.
Work Bonus Jokes
Here is a list of funny work bonus jokes and even better work bonus puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- CHRISTMAS BONUS Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?
Secretary: My lawyer.
Great Bonus Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about bonus you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean loser jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bonus pranks.
PLEASE HELP! i need some shoe related jokes.
yes that's right. if anyone can give me some jokes related to shoes it would be greatly appreciated. would be an added bonus if they could somehow be related to exercise as well.
thanks in advance
lots of love from dwek
A few of my favorites.
Have you ever seen an elephant hide on a tree?
-No.
They hide pretty well, don't they?
Why do chicken coops have two doors?
If they had four doors, they'd be a chicken sedan.
An atom walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I've lost an electron!" The bartender replies, "Are you sure?" The atom responds, "Yes! I'm positive!"
Bonus: It is well known that irradiated cats have 18 half-lives.
Real Money
Once a Boss said to his subordinate: "You have always wanted a bonus so I will give you $1,000,000i^2."
The Subordinate: "Sir I can this amount only on the Argand Plane."
Have you guys heard the secret about butter?
I don't want to tell you because you might spread it around...
BONUS:
What concert is cheaper than 50 cents to attend?
50 Cent feat. Nickelback
*BUHDUMCHHH*
Show me your weirdest gif
I want to laugh. Bonus points for ones that I've never seen before
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a Swiss Roll?
Push him down a hill.
BONUS: How do you make French Wine?
Invade.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a l**... in a jacuzzi?
Stew.
Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.
I'm so lucky to get gift cards by just few taps! Wanna be lucky too? Use my referral code: f35ccf7 to get 20 bonus coins.
Girlfriend said last night "You treat our relationship like some kind of game!"
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points,a bonus chance and she has to wear the hat that looks like a colander til she rolls a double 6.
I recently got a device that can remotely slow down any car
And as an added bonus it shows me what speed they're going at too!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Horrible animal jokes inside.
How do you get a dog to sound like a cat? Stick it in the freezer for a few hours, then run it through a bandsaw and it goes "MRRREEOOW".
BONUS JOKE: How do you get a cat to sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it and light it up and it goes "WHOOF".
My Chem professor said he'd give bonus points for the most original chemistry joke on the final, hit me with your best shot!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dyslexic man walks into a bra
Whole joke in title! New era of convenience! In mother Russia, joke laughs at you!
***Bonus***, since you came in here anyway:
Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.
Why is Ubisoft the worst gaming company in France?
Punchline only included in the season pass! Preorder now and get one of 26 randomly chosen bonus characters! 27th character included in Spanish version only.
What did King Arthur say when asked about Lancelot's betrayal?
"I don't want to talk about it, I've had a bad knight."
Bonus joke:
Why should you hire submariners?
They have experience working under pressure.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I had a million dollars, I'd probably pay your mom to have s**... with me...
Then I'd invest the other 999,990 dollars.
(Bonus points if you know where this is from.)
OB/GYN gets fired
OB/GYN doctor gets fired. And he is looking for a job and get an interview at a car repair shop. And the managers says
"If you take the carburator apart you get 2 points and if you put it back you get 5 points and if it works after that you get 3 point.But I'll only hire you if you get all 10 points"
"Ok" says the doctor.
After about 15 minutes he's finished and talks to the manager.
"Wow nice job, you get 10 points and 5 bonus points"
"Why the bonus points?"
"Because I've never seen anyone do that thru the exhaust"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why doesn't Popeye need l**...?
Because he has Olive Oyl..
Bonus:
What does Popeye do to keep his favourite tool from rusting?
He sticks it in Olive Oyl.
What do you call a religious door-to-door salesman?
A zeal-ot.
(bonus points if this made you think of the Halo games)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many stoners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, it's already LIT!
(Bonus:
-What do you call a s**... who recently broke up with his girlfriend?
-Homeless)
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
Bonus: by u/kismetpink They're straight until I get them wet
Bonus by u/Shaded_Trees: They both go limp after being warmed up
24 was giving holiday bonuses...
One got their bonus; two got theirs; three got one; four got one; five was ready to receive but didn't get anything; six got a bonus...five looks at 24 and says "what's up?" 24 tells five that it wasn't a factor.
How many investment bankers does it take to screw the economy?
Just one if the bonus is big enough.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked a girl in marching band what cup size she had
She said she was a C, but since it was cold I guess she was a C#.
Bonus Round:
She pulled it out of her t**... and said about 6 inches.
Trump is breathing a sigh of relief today...
He just aced his performance review and probably got another bonus.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Spanish guy never find a job satisfying?
Everything he did felt like Manuel Labour.
Bonus alt: He was always felt like the Manuel Juan.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
Bonus: Also, how do you circumcise a red neck?
Kick his sister in the jaw
I got a surprisingly big bonus from selling a hotel in Madrid
Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Commission
Why did Santa's little helpers spend their holiday bonus so quickly?
They have little elf control
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Pirate say to the p**... flying the plane?
Land, h**...!
Bonus joke:
Why was the p**... flying the plane?
The pilot asked her to take control.
How does Chris Hemsworth feel after a workout?
Thor
Bonus joke.
How does Tom Hiddleston walk around in public?
Loki
I'll see myself out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between an o**... and a r**... thermometer?
The taste.
(My dad loves this joke. He loves jokes that are slightly dirty and involve doctors, nurses, nuns or priests. Anyone got any more?)
Bonus joke:
A doctor is doing his rounds at the hospital, going from patient to patient. He turns to a nurse and asks, "Sister, have you got a pen?"
The nurse reaches into her pocket and pulls out a thermometer. "Oh no," she says, "some a**...'s got my pen."
Elephant jokes, because it's what 2021 needs
Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.
Bonus #1: How can you tell an elephant has been in your refrigerator? Footprints in the cheesecake.
Bonus #2: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!
Bonus #3: No more elephant jokes.
PSA Free Food
Just wanted to let everyone know this. Around where I live, I have noticed that restaurants are putting their extra food in a bag and placing on a table. You can just come in and grab one. Now you won't know what's in it until you open in your car but it's can be a nice surprise and it's free.
Bonus, if you park where they have these advertising signs in the parking lot, they will bring you the food out to your car. They always call me by the wrong name but whatever.
What's the Easter Bunny's favorite beer?
A double IPA because of it's high alcohol content he can get drunk quick, after dealing with those kids all day.
Oh... the the fact that it's extra hoppy is just a bonus!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a banjo player t**...?
Terrorists have sympathizers.
Bonus joke:
What's the difference between a banjo and an AK-47?
>!The AK only repeats thirty times.!<
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst part about having two dads?
Twice the dad jokes.
**Bonus**
What's the worst part about having two moms?
Getting stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
What do you call a buff guy who predicts the weather and can treat a UTI?
A meaty urologist.
BONUS (courtesy of my girlfriend)
What do call someone who's available 24/7 and treats cancer?
An always oncologist.
Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.
This might be the nerdiest joke I know. Here's a bonus mathematical nerd joke:
Why don't riddles work in octal notation?
Because seven ten eleven.
While waiting in line at the entrance to a museum, my 16-year old daughter ran up to my wife and me and said, Mom, Dad! We need to get a line form!
Confused, I said A line form? She said, Yes, I think you have to turn it in right over there before you can go in. She pointed to the entrance.
That's when I looked and saw the sign that said Line Forms Here .
True story. Bonus facts: She's now a brilliant NICU nurse so she redeemed herself, and her siblings never miss the chance to send pictures of Line Forms Here signs to the family chat whenever they see one.
Jack and Jim are on sentry duty during the first World War, when Jim says, "You know how we're on a bonus of a dollar for every German we capture?"
"Yes," says Jack. "Well don't tell anyone," says Jim, "but there's $5000 worth coming over that hill."
