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Bone Jokes

149 bone jokes and hilarious bone puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bone that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Bone jokes aren't just funny - they can tell us a lot about how we view pain! Read on for some classic gags about broken bones, paleontologists, and the saurian classic blownaparte devour. Learn why these jokes are so funny and how to use them to your advantage.

Funniest Bone Short Jokes

Short bone jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bone humour may include short blood jokes also.

  1. Did you know that a piranha can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds? Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
  2. What do giants and strippers both have in common? They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
  3. I went to an archaeologist's party where we were excavating a lower leg bone. It was quite the shindig.
  4. How much do all the bones in the human body weigh? A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out.
  5. What did the astronauts conclude after they found bones on the moon? The cow didn't make it.
  6. What do you call a monk who walks everywhere in bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath? A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  7. What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath?


    A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  8. I wish my wife looked at me the way my dog does. You know, waist-high with a bone in her mouth.
  9. What do your girlfriend and kfc have in common? Once you're done with the thighs and the breast, all you have is a greasy box to put your bone.
  10. What's the difference between an anorexic and a shooting star? One's all skin and bones, and the other's a little meteor

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Bone One Liners

Which bone one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bone? I can suggest the ones about body and skin.

  1. If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock. That's pretty humerus.
  2. Why aren't broken bones a problem in India? Everyone is already in a caste
  3. My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
  4. A woman and a dog once fell in love. He buried his bone in her backyard.
  5. What happens if you boil your funny bone? You make a laughing stock of yourself :)
  6. My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body 207, 206, 207, 206, 207……
  7. The Egyptian man became a bone doctor... They called him a Cairopractor
  8. There are 27 bones in the human hand... and 28 when I'm lonely.
  9. Did you know, if you boil a funny bone... It becomes a laughing stock.
  10. What did the French skeleton say before he ate? Bone apetit
  11. How do skeletons kiss Skeletons don't have lips, they just bone.
  12. How do skeletons reproduce? They bone.
  13. What do you need for a movie about broken bones? An awesome cast
  14. Puns about your bones are generally humerus. But puns about the eyes are even cornea.
  15. What do you call a beach with crooked waves? A Scoli-ocean!

Skeleton Bone Jokes

Here is a list of funny skeleton bone jokes and even better skeleton bone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How much does 2,000lbs of bone weigh a skeleton
  • I find it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons. But to bleach their bone, I guess.
  • How do you keep a skeleton from joking? Take away his funny bone.
  • How many bones are there in a graveyard? A skeleTON.
  • Which do you call a skeleton's hunger? Bone-appetite
  • How much do bones weigh? About a skeleTON
  • What does did the skeleton waiter say when he served dinner? Bone appetite
  • What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson? I'm BONE to be wild!
  • How much does a pile of bones weigh?

    It must weigh a skele-ton!
  • Why did the skeleton leave the party? Because everyone was calling him a bone-head.
    (I was 6 when I came up with that).

Funny Bone Jokes

Here is a list of funny funny bone jokes and even better funny bone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was trying to come up with a funny bone joke... But I couldn't think of anything humorous.
  • There's no such thing as the funny bone... But I heard the upper arm is quite humerus.
  • Why do people with no arms make bad comedians? Because they haven't got a funny bone in their body.
  • Just had an operation on my funny bone.... Doctor said I'll be in stitches for 2 weeks.
  • What do you get when you boil a funny bone? Laughingstock.
  • Where do you go when you break your funny bone? The Hahaspital.
  • I think after 9 years of dating and jokes, I've worn down all my girlfriend's funny bones. She's got that funny arthritis now.
  • A skeleton lost his funny bone. It was quite humerus.
  • I think when people talk about the "funny bone" they must mean the spine Because after my sister broke hers she never laughed again.
  • Everyone has a funny bone. Mine is my humorous.
Bone joke, Everyone has a funny bone.

Humerus Bone Jokes

Here is a list of funny humerus bone jokes and even better humerus bone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Two teenagers snuck into a crypt at night. One tripped over a small bone and the other unashamedly laughed. Can't blame him though, it was a little humerus.
  • You know what my favorite bone is? The ulna. I'm sorry if you thought this joke would be humerus.
  • Workshop dad joke. My wife never gets my jokes, so in my last will and testament I left her my arm bone, because I thought it would be humerus.
  • I could tell you a joke about bones... But some of you may not find it very humerus
  • I made a joke about the bone of my upper arm It was humerus
  • I have a few bone jokes for you... ...but tibia honest, you probably won't find it all that humerus
  • I find puns about bones to be... quite Humerus!
  • What did the skeleton say before dinner? BONE appetit. His whole family found that HUMERUS.
  • Bones always make me laugh. They're just so humerus!
    ^^I'll ^^^see ^^^^myself ^^^^^out
  • [DAD JOKE] My friend and I like bone jokes... ...But this time, we want you to humerus.

Thigh Bone Jokes

Here is a list of funny thigh bone jokes and even better thigh bone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do a good woman and KFC have in common? After nibbling the breast and thighs there's a greasy box to put your bone in.
  • What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common? When you're done with the breast and thighs, the only thing left is a greasy box to put your bone in
  • What's the similarity between women and KFC Once you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you're left with a greasy box to pop your bone in.
  • My wife said, "Do you know that a healthy human thigh bone is tougher than concrete?" "Yes, I believe you," I replied, "now please put away the drill."
  • What's the similarity between a woman and a KFC? Once you get past the tender breast and the juicy thigh your left with a greasy box to put your bone in.
  • What does women and KFC have in common? By the time your finished with breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
  • Why are women like KFC? Because after that succulent breast and tender thighs, all you're left with is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Broken Bone Jokes

Here is a list of funny broken bone jokes and even better broken bone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I auditioned for a TV show for people with broken bones. I didn't make the cast.
  • Do you have any bruises, sprains, strains, or broken bones? No? Good! Now that we've gotten four maladies out of the way, how the heck are ya?
  • What do you call a broken bone factory? A manufracturer
  • One of my most selfless acts was when I had several bones broken when stopping a fight. Those kids never stood a chance
  • Blonde joke A blonde goes to the doctor. She uses her right index finger, says it hurts when I touch my leg, my collar bone and my arm. "What's wrong?" She says.
    "Your finger is broken."
  • Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever.
    That man still holds the record for most bones broken.
  • Why were all of Napoleon's bones broken in two? Because he was Napoleon bone apart.
  • Probably already been done but... What is wrong with a humorless person?
    A broken funny bone.
    I'll leave now.
  • My friend gave me his number and told me to hit him up. Now he's got two broken bones and a restraining order...
  • Condoms are like injured bones... If they are broken you are s**....
Bone joke, Condoms are like injured bones...

Howlingly Hilarious Bone Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about bone you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean brain jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bone pranks.

Princess Diana Jokes

What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.
How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.
Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can c**....
How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.
What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.
Yes I am a horrible person wow.

Best amputation jokes?

Friend has bone cancer, may be getting an arm amputated. We have run "I'd give my left arm" and "Single-handedly" puns into the ground, and we need more amputation jokes.

What do a teenage boy and a dog have in common?

They both want to bury their bone.

I brought my vegetarian girlfriend home for dinner...

...and my grandmother served us all, including my girlfriend, a very juicy, very much still hanging on the bone, rack of lamb. My girlfriend was looking at me in horror, whilst I took my gran aside.
"Didn't I tell you she was a vegetarian?" I asked.
She replied "oh yes dear, I checked with the butcher and he said the sheep he sells only eat grass!"

My friend brought his wife into the pub and he asked me if i thought she was beautiful.

I said 'She's lovely, a great match for you. Got cracking legs matey'
he said: 'Thanks, that's her brittle bone syndrome'

How is a lesbian like a camel?

Their h**... has no bone.

What was Jesus's least favorite bone?

The blasfemur

Why aren't there any female butchers?

Because anytime they touch meat it turns to bone.

What do you call s**... with a french midget?

Bone a petite

It's true I misunderstood what you meant by "take me to the bone zone"

but you must admit this is a very nice graveyard.

How much calcium is in a kiss?

Enough to make a bone hard.

The price of smartphones are getting way too ridiculous

If I fall and hear something crack, I'm hoping it's a bone

Two bricks of salt visit a meat factory...

And while they are looking down at one of the bone grinders, one of the salt brick accidentally falls down into the machine. The other salt brick watches in panic as his friend gets s**... into the blades and gears. After a while, the salt brick comes out from the other side of the grinding machine, all ground into pieces and powder.
"Oh my god! Are you okay Jimmy?" The salt brick on the top asks.
"Oh yeah I'm fine."

My teacher said, because I was acting up in class, I have to do a book report on the largest bone in the arm.

Isn't that humorous?

I asked my boss

I asked my new boss why she wasn't wearing any green today. She told me she didn't feel right celebrating St. p**...'s day since she didn't have an Irish bone in her body. I asked her if she wanted one.
Know anyone hiring?

What do b**... and stains have in common?

If you get it wet and rub it enough it'll go away.

Whats the funniest bone in the body?

The HUMOURUS!

If I am terrible in bed...

does that mean I'm bad to the bone?

What did the skeleton say before they ate their meal?

Bone appetite.
(7 year old told me this today).

A chemist, physicist, and engineer found a human thigh bone.

All three of them were cannibals.
The chemist licked it, and tried to put it into water to dissolve it.
The physicist tried to break it open to get at the marrow.
The engineer took the bone, hit the other two over the head, and ate them.

A tongue has no bones but it is strong enough to break a heart and..

is also strong enough to lift the pelvic bone.

What happened to E?

Detective: What happened to E?
Pathologist: Looking at the remains' bone structures, all I can tell you is that E had to be a guy.
Detective: I guess that makes this case about a Mister E.

Hey, are you a paleontologist?

Because I've got a massive bone in my pants for you to study.

Give a dog a bone and you feed him for a day

Teach a dog to bone and you go to jail for animal cruelty

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft begger!"

What did the paleontologist say to his wife after 6 months in the field ?

You wanna bone?

I love bone jokes

It's always good to break one in public.

What did the puppy say to the skeleton

Cmon, throw a dog a bone

So little Timmy has bone cancer.

The Make-A-Wish Foundation people come around and say well Timmy, you can see anyone you want. We'll do our best to get them.
So Timmy says I wanna see Black Panther!
The Doctor says hold on now, you'll see him in a couple days anyways. Why don't you pick someone else?

A baby clown fell down and broke a bone.

The doctor told the baby clown's father that they broke the bone in between their shoulder and elbow.
The man laughs.
Why would you laugh!?
Its humerus.

Just came home from my first paleontology party where we spent the night searching for the lower leg bone of a new dinosaur.

It was quite the shin dig.

A woman answered her front doo

A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list.
"Ma'am," he explained, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar."
"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"
"My babysitter's boyfriend."

A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list.

"Ma'am," he explained, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar.""Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?""My babysitter's boyfriend."

why didn't the midget get the top shelf T Bone?

Because the steaks were to high...

I started dating my friend's sister and he says we're now Napoleon friends

Because we're only a bone apart.

Why are bones so calm?

Nothing gets under their skin!

What do you call a bone who thinks he is god?

A blasfemur!

A skeleton is waiting to see a doctor.

The doctor walks in, spots the skeleton, and says Ah, Mister Johnson! I haven't seen you since we misplaced your femur! How are you doing?
The skeleton sighs and replies Honestly doctor, I've got a bone to pick with you.

Jewish mother goes to the airport

to meet her daughter, who was returning from a summer abroad. The daughter gets off the plane hand-in-hand with a 7' tall Zulu warrior, with a bone through his hair and nose.
The mother yells at her "I said a *rich* doctor!"

A blonde walks into a hospital

She complains that every bone in her body is broken.
The doctor says "where does it hurt?"
The blonde points at her leg, "here".
She points at her arm, "here"
She points at her other leg and arm "here and here".
The doctor examins her and promptly says "Ma'am, you have a broken finger"

Jesus loves you

Great thing to hear in church...
... not so much in a Mexican prison.

(heard in the tv-series Flesh and Bone)

Why did the archeology student stay after class?

He had a bone to pick with his professor.

A biologist walks up to his friend and says

Biologist : Hey wanna hear a joke?
Friend : sure, go ahead
Biologist : bone of the upper arm
Friend : wow, that's humerus
(I'm not even a dad and idk if this counts as a dad joke but anyways thought of this while studying biology so had to post it)

Why do archeologist stay annoyed?

They always have a bone to pick

Bone joke, Why do archeologist stay annoyed?

jokes about bone