bone Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious bone stories

What are the best Bone puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Bone? Well here is a complete list of Bone to have fun with:

Did you know that a piranha can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds?

Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

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If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.

That's pretty humerus.

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I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for and what happens Christmas morning? That fat fucker with the beard gets all the credit for it!

Still I suppose it was my fault for marrying her.

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What does a woman and KFC have in common?

Well, you start with the breasts and the thighs, and you end up with a greasy box to put your bone in.

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A woman comes into the ER...

A true story!

A woman came into the ER with a fish bone caught in her throat.

An orderly put her into a wheelchair, and wheeled her off toward an examination room. They came to the top of a ramp, the orderly stumbled, and accidentally let go.

The lady accelerates down the ramp, hits the doorjamb at the bottom, and goes sprawling. As a result, she coughed up the fish bone.

The orderly, now worried about getting into trouble, thinks quick, and says "You're really lucky lady, usually we have to do that 2 or 3 times!"

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A request...

So I found out this week that my mom has Leukemia, and is going into the hospital either today or pretty soon there after to start chemo and then hopefully get a bone marrow transplant. I've decided to send her a video of me telling a joke a day to help keep her spirits up, but I know my library of jokes she would appreciate will probably run out within the first week. So please, post your best or favorite relatively clean jokes here! Jokes poking fun at Baptists would be especially appreciated. Thanks guys (and gals!)

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What do women and KFC have in common?

After you're done with the breasts and the thighs, you've still got a greasy box to stick your bone in.

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What do you call a monk who walks everywhere in bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath?

A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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Three engineers were arguing about what kind of engineer God is

Three engineers were arguing about what kind of engineer God is.

Electrical engineer: "surely God is an electrical engineer, the brain and nerves are a symphony of exquisite circuitry."

Mechanical engineer: "no, look at the ballet between bone, muscle and sinew. God must be a mechanical engineer."

Civil engineer: "God is a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipe right through a recreational area."

*^\(the* *^joke* *^is* *^by* *^Robin* *^Williams,* *^I* *^think)*

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What did the French skeleton say before he ate?

Bone apetit

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A woman's doctor prescribes her testosterone

...for better bone density, libido, and mood. The woman is a bit dubious, but readily follows the doctor's orders.

A few days later, the doctor gets a call from the woman. "How are you feeling, Mrs. Smith?" he asks.

She replies, "Oh, just wonderful. I am noticing a positive change on these hormones. I *am* suffering from a little extra hair growth, though."

"Oh, a little extra hair is perfectly normal when on a testosterone course," the doctor says reassuringly. "Where is the hair growing?"

The woman replies, "On my balls."

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What do you call a beach with crooked waves?

A Scoli-ocean!

(Came up with that recently, hope it tickles your funny bone)

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Did you know that a piranha can devour a child down to the bone in less than 45 seconds?

Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

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What does a bucket of KFC and a whore have in common?

After you're done with the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

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I was trying to come up with a funny bone joke...

But I couldn't think of anything humorous.

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I find it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons.

But to bleach their bone, I guess.

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Best amputation jokes?

Friend has bone cancer, may be getting an arm amputated. We have run "I'd give my left arm" and "Single-handedly" puns into the ground, and we need more amputation jokes.

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My friend brought his wife into the pub and he asked me if i thought she was beautiful.

I said 'She's lovely, a great match for you. Got cracking legs matey'

he said: 'Thanks, that's her brittle bone syndrome'

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What do you get when you boil a funny bone?

Laughingstock.

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How is a lesbian like a camel?

Their hump has no bone.

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Need help figuring out a Laffy Taffy joke

I just got this joke on a Laffy Taffy wrapper, and I cannot for the life of me figure out what this jerk-off Kyle P. is trying to get across. The joke is, what did the x-ray say to the broken bone? That bone should get a loan!

Why is the x-ray machine saying this? Is the joke that it rhymes? Does the bone need a loan to like, fix itself?

This is seriously bothering me and I need help.

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What was Jesus's least favorite bone?

The blasfemur

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What's the difference between a chicken and a pussy?

A chicken is easier to eat if you bone it first.

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What do a teenage boy and a dog have in common?

They both want to bury their bone.

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I brought my vegetarian girlfriend home for dinner...

...and my grandmother served us all, including my girlfriend, a very juicy, very much still hanging on the bone, rack of lamb. My girlfriend was looking at me in horror, whilst I took my gran aside.

"Didn't I tell you she was a vegetarian?" I asked.

She replied "oh yes dear, I checked with the butcher and he said the sheep he sells only eat grass!"

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The last time I played tackle football without pads l broke three ribs and a collar bone.

Fortunately, none of them were mine.

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What`s the definition of a misogynist?

A man who hates every bone in the female body... except his own.

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Superman is flying high above the sky when he notices Wonder Woman lying naked on a rooftop with her legs spread...

...so he decides to quickly fly down, bone her, and fly out before she even notices. In a split second he swooshes in and does just that.

"What was that?" Wonder Woman shouts loudly.

"I don't know but my butt hurts," Invisible Man replies.

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Did you know that a piranha can devour a child to the bone in 45 seconds?

In other words, I lost my job at the aquarium the other day

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What do a creationist and a dude with a dinosaur bone fetish have in common?

They both get a hard on when they find a gap in the fossil record.

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Old Mrs. Hubbard

Old Mrs. Hubbard, went to her cupboard to fetch her old dog a bone.

But when she got there, the cupboard was bare,

so he gave her a bone of his own

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From my not quite 3yr old cousin.

Q:Why did the doggy cross the road?

A:To get to the bone!



Q:Why did the bone cross the road?

A: To get away!

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Not sure if this was already out there, but I just thought of it on my

Q: What dairy product makes the best kind of friend?
A: well, I hear cheese always has a 'grate' time

(I guarantee someone's thought of it before me)
And if that doesn't tickle your funny bone, try this one (fairly similar):

Q: how do you find the IQ level of dairy products?
A: a cheese grater

(Also probably not original)

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Yesterday, someone tickled my bone...

...It wasnt Humerus

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Two paleontologists where moaning in a ditch

One found a bone

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Why was the paleontologist angry?

Because he had a bone to pick.

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It doesn't feel too funny when hit, so why is it called the "funny bone"?

BECASE IT'S ATTACHED TO YOUR HUMERUS.

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What's the most indian bone in the human body?

The patella. (I'll show myself out)

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[OC] What do you say when your dog is flipping shit over a bone?

That is one bitchin' Bon AppΓ©tite

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How many bones does a rooster have in its neck?

Just enough to hold its pecker up.

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What do women and KFC have in common?

Once your done with breasts and the thighs, all you have left to do is stick your bone in a greasy box...

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What do a pussy and KFC have in common?

They're both finger licking good, and when your done you have a box to put the bone in

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If it took a baby that long to exit the womb, as it is taking the UK to exit the EU...

Baby's head would be so large that scientists would come to its house and do experiments on it. The head would be primarily bone, almost 99%, and weigh upwards of 85 pounds. It would be a 16 pound baby, carried by its mom to full term plus eight months, born at 17 months, with full head of hair, and a full head of teeth.

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Why did the monkey put a bone in his mouth?

He wanted to smoke a joint!

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Why is it called a funny bone?

Because its humerus!

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Why is it called the "funny bone" when you hit your elbow on something and it tingles?

Because it's humerus.

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A son asks his father what the stinkiest type of bone is

"well son, as you may have guessed, that would be the rusty trombone"

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Majin Bone 44 Sub EspaΓ±ol Online HD

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Have you guys heard of the coolest bone of the 1940s?

It was hip.

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What is the definition of a misogynist?

A man who hates every bone in the female body... except his own.

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best bone jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty bone gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these bone jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

Can I save Bone jokes? You can do this from the Joko Jokes iPhone app. It is available for free download from the Apple App Store. Like your favorite jokes so we can rank them by their likes count. Every thumb matters for Joko Jokes' rankings.

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