Bone Jokes

Following is our collection of devour humor and ribs one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Bone puns for adults, dirty skeleton jokes or clean tibia gags for kids.

There is an abundance of piranha jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 55 funniest jokes on bone. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any organs witze you can hear about bone.

The Best jokes about Bone

Did you know that a piranha can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds?

Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.

That's pretty humerus.

What do you call sex with a french midget?

Bone a petite

I went to an archaeologist's party where we were excavating a lower leg bone.

It was quite the shindig.

A woman and a dog once fell in love.

He buried his bone in her backyard.


Two bricks of salt visit a meat factory...

And while they are looking down at one of the bone grinders, one of the salt brick accidentally falls down into the machine. The other salt brick watches in panic as his friend gets sucked into the blades and gears. After a while, the salt brick comes out from the other side of the grinding machine, all ground into pieces and powder.

"Oh my god! Are you okay Jimmy?" The salt brick on the top asks.

"Oh yeah I'm fine."

How much do all the bones in the human body weigh?

A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out.

The Egyptian man became a bone doctor...

They called him a Cairopractor

What do you call a monk who walks everywhere in bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath?

A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

I wish my wife looked at me the way my dog does.

You know, waist-high with a bone in her mouth.

Princess Diana Jokes

What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.

How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.

Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can crash.

How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.

What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.

What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.

Yes I am a horrible person wow.


What did the French skeleton say before he ate?

Bone apetit

How do skeletons kiss

Skeletons don't have lips, they just bone.

How do skeletons reproduce?

They bone.

I asked my boss

I asked my new boss why she wasn't wearing any green today. She told me she didn't feel right celebrating St. Paddy's day since she didn't have an Irish bone in her body. I asked her if she wanted one.

Know anyone hiring?

What do you call a beach with crooked waves?

A Scoli-ocean!

(Came up with that recently, hope it tickles your funny bone)

Alabama Wedding

Deep in the heart of Alabama, a son arrives to his father's house with exciting news.

"Paw, I met the best girl in the world, and we're about to get married!"

The father seems excited, and urges his son to describe her.

"Well, she's quick as a whip, funny as a bone, most gorgeous girl south of dixie," and after every description, the father hollers his approval.

"And best of all... she's a virgin!"

At the last statement, the father's excitement disappears. The son looks confused, and asks him what's the matter. The father shouts back,

"If she ain't good enough for her family, what makes you think she's good enough for ours?"

Three doctors are sitting on a park bench when a man limps past...

The first doctor sees him and says, I've been a podiatrist for 10 years, and I bet $1000 that man has bone spurs.

No way! says the chiropractor, I've had my practice for 20 years and that is a clear-cut spinal issue. Can't you see how crooked his back is?

Nope, says the orthopedic surgeon. I've had more training than both of you combined and I'm certain that this man has hip damage.

The doctor's arguing grew so loud that the man overheard them. Well gentlemen, he said, All four of us were wrong.

I thought it was a fart!

Give a dog a bone and you feed him for a day

Teach a dog to bone and you go to jail for animal cruelty


It's true I misunderstood what you meant by "take me to the bone zone"

but you must admit this is a very nice graveyard.

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"

Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"

Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft begger!"

Two teenagers snuck into a crypt at night. One tripped over a small bone and the other unashamedly laughed.

Can't blame him though, it was a little humerus.

How much does 2,000lbs of bone weigh

a skeleton

What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?

When you're done with the breast and thighs, the only thing left is a greasy box to put your bone in

I was trying to come up with a funny bone joke...

But I couldn't think of anything humorous.

You know what my favorite bone is?

The ulna. I'm sorry if you thought this joke would be humerus.

A cannibal father and son

A cannibal father & son

A cannibal father and son were out looking for food in a local park.
A obese guy comes by and the son ask dad should we eat him, father answers no my son, he have to much fat, we'll get to tired for days .

A little while later a skinny man comes by and the son ask what about him dad, should we eat him the father answers no my son, he is nothing but skin and bone, we'll have to hunt again to soon

After a while a gorgeous woman comes by, the son asks what about her dad, she look delicious, she look edible and the father answers no my son, we take her home and eat your mom instead

What do a good woman and KFC have in common?

After nibbling the breast and thighs there's a greasy box to put your bone in.

There's no such thing as the funny bone...

But I heard the upper arm is quite humerus.

I find it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons.

But to bleach their bone, I guess.

The price of smartphones are getting way too ridiculous

If I fall and hear something crack, I'm hoping it's a bone

How many bones are there in a graveyard?

A skeleTON.

My friend brought his wife into the pub and he asked me if i thought she was beautiful.

I said 'She's lovely, a great match for you. Got cracking legs matey'

he said: 'Thanks, that's her brittle bone syndrome'

Best amputation jokes?

Friend has bone cancer, may be getting an arm amputated. We have run "I'd give my left arm" and "Single-handedly" puns into the ground, and we need more amputation jokes.

How much do bones weigh?

About a skeleTON

What do boners and stains have in common?

If you get it wet and rub it enough it'll go away.

What do you get when you boil a funny bone?

Laughingstock.

A woman comes into the ER...

A true story!

A woman came into the ER with a fish bone caught in her throat.

An orderly put her into a wheelchair, and wheeled her off toward an examination room. They came to the top of a ramp, the orderly stumbled, and accidentally let go.

The lady accelerates down the ramp, hits the doorjamb at the bottom, and goes sprawling. As a result, she coughed up the fish bone.

The orderly, now worried about getting into trouble, thinks quick, and says "You're really lucky lady, usually we have to do that 2 or 3 times!"

My teacher said, because I was acting up in class, I have to do a book report on the largest bone in the arm.

Isn't that humorous?

What's the similarity between women and KFC

Once you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you're left with a greasy box to pop your bone in.

A request...

So I found out this week that my mom has Leukemia, and is going into the hospital either today or pretty soon there after to start chemo and then hopefully get a bone marrow transplant. I've decided to send her a video of me telling a joke a day to help keep her spirits up, but I know my library of jokes she would appreciate will probably run out within the first week. So please, post your best or favorite relatively clean jokes here! Jokes poking fun at Baptists would be especially appreciated. Thanks guys (and gals!)

I made a joke about the bone of my upper arm

It was humerus

How is a lesbian like a camel?

Their hump has no bone.

Why aren't there any female butchers?

Because anytime they touch meat it turns to bone.

Where do you go when you break your funny bone?

The Hahaspital.

What did the paleontologist say to his wife after 6 months in the field ?

You wanna bone?

What was Jesus's least favorite bone?

The blasfemur

A tongue has no bones but it is strong enough to break a heart and..

is also strong enough to lift the pelvic bone.

I have a few bone jokes for you...

...but tibia honest, you probably won't find it all that humerus

Three vampires are bragging to each other...

The first says "Watch this." leaves, and is back in an instant, mouth covered in blood. He points at a villager and says "You see that villager? Sucked him dry."

The second, impressed, but not willing to be outdone, leaves and returns just as fast as the first, blood covering her mouth, neck and cheeks. She points and says "You see that town? Bone dry, no survivors."

The third shrugs and says "That's nothing, watch this." He's barely gone a fraction of a second before he's back with a face completely covered in blood. The first vampire asks "What did you do?" The third vampire replied "You see that pole?"

"Yeah?"

"I didn't"

What did the skeleton say before they ate their meal?

Bone appetite.

(7 year old told me this today).

What do a teenage boy and a dog have in common?

They both want to bury their bone.

If I am terrible in bed...

does that mean I'm bad to the bone?

I brought my vegetarian girlfriend home for dinner...

...and my grandmother served us all, including my girlfriend, a very juicy, very much still hanging on the bone, rack of lamb. My girlfriend was looking at me in horror, whilst I took my gran aside.

"Didn't I tell you she was a vegetarian?" I asked.

She replied "oh yes dear, I checked with the butcher and he said the sheep he sells only eat grass!"

I love bone jokes

It's always good to break one in public.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes