Bond Jokes

Funniest Bond Short Jokes

Short bond jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bond humour may include short bung jokes also.

1. James Bond always holds his farts while in bed Otherwise he would blow his cover.
   ​
   ​
   (Look I'm not funny this was my first and only attempt so sorry X\_X)
2. 007 recieves a new mission... to infiltrate a party and mingle. His orders are to, "bond James, bond".
3. I went to make my own james bond clothing, but came back with a plain, white T-shirt I had No Time To Dye.
4. What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond? The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.
5. "The bond's Name. James Name" Pleased to... what?
   "Bond Name's the james"
   Are you alright?
   "Bames Nond's having a stronk, call a Bondulance"
6. What is the most unrealistic part of the newest James Bond movie? A Brit with a full petrol tank.
7. Sir Roger Moore, prominent James bond actor has passed away His family say that they are shaken.... but not stirred
8. James Bond walks into a bar... James Bond walks into a bar.
   Michael J. Fox is the bartender.
   James Bond says "I'll have a martini."
   He does not need to specify.
9. I hate people who finds it disgusting when i breastfeed in public .. It's completely normal and strenghtens the bond between me and my dog.
10. How do ghosts become friends? They bond over boos.
    
    
    
    I made this up while sleep-deprived last night. I am sorry.

Share These Bond Jokes With Friends

Bond One Liners

Which bond one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bond? I can suggest the ones about loan and broker.

1. The name's Bond. Ionic bond. Taken, not shared.
2. Where do James Bond Actors go when they die? 00Heaven
3. How did Ian Fleming become so wealthy? By diversifying his Bonds!
4. Where does 007 invest his money? Bonds. Stocks and bonds.
5. What did the aging 007 say to his pharmacist? Bond. Gold Bond.
6. What does James Bond do before going to bed He goes undercover
7. What is James Bond called in Newfoundland? 007:30
8. Breastfeeding in public is natural. And it strengthens the bond between me and my dog.
9. What do you call James Bond in the bathtub? Bubble-0-7
10. How does the modern-day James Bond prefer his women? Shaven, not furred
11. James Bond once had a partner, Agent 014. But she was exposed for being a double agent.
12. If James Bond led such a high-risk lifestyle... why wasn't he James Stock?
    -Caroline
13. What did the oxygen atom in tuxedo say to the hydrogen atoms? Bond, Covalent Bond
14. Two Helium Atoms Are Bonding. HeHe
15. Who is James Bond's favorite bartender? Michael J Fox

James Bond Jokes

Here is a list of funny james bond jokes and even better james bond puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Did you know that in the James Bond movies, all the action/risky scenes were performed by agent 0014? of course, he was, after all, his double. I'll see myself out.
• Why the next James Bond should be a woman The next Bond should be a woman!
  Can you imagine? Crazy car scenes with spectacular crashes, explosions...
  ... And all of that while she's parking.
• My science teacher told us this James Bond says to a chicken, "I'm Bond, James Bond." The chicken turns and says, "Well I'm Ken, Chic-ken."
  I'll see myself out...
• James Bond retired and turned down a knighthood in England to live in Afghanistan where he became one of the most important men in the middle east. Turns out he wanted to be Sheikh'en, not Sirred.
• My Australian friend asked me to go see the new James Bond My Australian friend asked me to go see the new James Bond.
  I said "No time to die"?
  He replied: we can go tomorrow then!
• Why does 007 try to form so many relationships with women? He was told to, "bond James, bond!"
• Who is the worst spy in history? James Bond. Because everyone knows him.
• So Sean Connery Died today..... Couldn't he have died another day?
  ​
  (Sean is hands down the best James Bond!)
• SPY FACT: When abroad, James Bond is known as +44 07
• James Bond. Do you think when he is out of the UK he is known as +44 007?

Hydrogen Bond Jokes

Here is a list of funny hydrogen bond jokes and even better hydrogen bond puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Do you know how many hydrogen bonds I can disrupt? (Chemistry pick-up line) Enough to break the ice, how's it going?
  
• So Hydrogen finally admitted to Sodium that she had been bonding with Oxygen Sodium reacted violently.
• My chemistry teacher was talking about Hydrogen Bonding today. Sounds like a lot of FON.
• Hey baby, are you a Hydrogen atom? 'Cause ever since I saw you we've been bonded.

Covalent Bond Jokes

Here is a list of funny covalent bond jokes and even better covalent bond puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A man was touching his DVD shelf to find his favorite Bond..... then realized that in fact, there were no covalent bonds.
• What did the super spy polyatomic ion say when he walked into the bar? The name's Bond, Covalent Bond
• James Bond has a brother. Covalent Bond.

Ionic Bond Jokes

Here is a list of funny ionic bond jokes and even better ionic bond puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• You would think that atoms bonding would mean they're being friendly to eachother But instead they steal each others electrons.
  How ionic.
• What do you call when a metal shares the negative energy to his non-metal bestfriend? an ionic bonding moment
• The difference between Sean Connery and a Silica Tetrahedron One's an ionic bond, the other's an iconic Bond.
• You'd think that when two atoms in a salt bond, they're being kind by sharing electrons, but actually, one atom is stealing the electron from the other. Isn't it ionic?
• How is Liam Neeson and an ionic bond alike? They are always having something get taken.

Howlingly Hilarious Bond Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about bond you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bond pranks.