Bombs Jokes
82 bombs jokes and hilarious bombs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bombs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh at the top bombs jokes featuring fart bombs, bombshells, Syria, and the perils of plagiarizing. Enjoy some of the funniest gags around with this collection of bombs jokes!
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Funniest Bombs Short Jokes
Short bombs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bombs humour may include short bombing jokes also.
- "You're the bomb, no you're the bomb" A compliment in the United States, an argument in the Middle East.
- What's the hardest part breaking up with a japanese girlfriend? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.
- You the bomb. No, you the bomb.
A compliment in America.
An argument in the Middle East. - Where did sally go when the bomb went off? - everywhere.
Why did sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms..
Knock knock..
Whose there?
-not sally. - If 'womb' is pronounced as 'woom' and 'tomb, as' 'toom' Shouldn't 'bomb' be pronounced 'boom'?
- Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it
- What's the difference between a bomb vest and a feminist? A bomb vest does something when it's triggered.
- What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
- I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend but she keeps calling me Seems like I have to drop the bomb twice.
- If someone says "Someone in this room has a bomb," I can't rule myself out as a suspect. - Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Note7
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Bombs One Liners
Which bombs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bombs? I can suggest the ones about atomic bomb and bomb exploded.
- If you say AT&T backwards You sound like a canadian Bomb Technician.
- What did the Reddit user say after setting off a bomb in a bank?
- I joined ISIS to help my self esteem issues. Everyone kept telling me You're the bomb.
- Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart? ...because its not a Target.
- A bomb just went off in a paris cheese shop There is de brie everywhere!
- My grandfather survived both the hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings Being in Canada helped.
- A redditor is defusing a bomb.
- Why'd the bomb builder call the hotel at 8pm? He was looking for nitrates.
- I asked my husband for a bath bomb for Christmas He got me a toaster.
- The Russians bombed a cemetery yesterday. There were no survivors
- What's worse than finding a bomb under your car? Not finding it.
- My grandpa survived both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings. Being in Australia helped.
- What do you call a bombed schoolyard? Recess Pieces.
- Where did Little Suzie go when the bomb hit? Everywhere.
- What do you call a selfish bomb? Mine
Fart Bombs Jokes
Here is a list of funny fart bombs jokes and even better fart bombs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who do you think created the f**... bomb? I don't know, probably some a**....
Comical Bombs Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about bombs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nuclear bomb jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bombs pranks.
Blonde Bombshell
A blonde is angry with the tax department and decides to blow it up. So she puts a bag of bombs in the back seat of her Celica and heads for Canberra. Her boyfriend si worried about her. "What if the bombs blow up in the car?"
"Don't worry darling," she says, "I've got a spare bomb in the boot".
Why do asians have such s**... eyes?
Because atomic bombs are pretty bright.
When a statistician passes the airport security check...
When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."
First day back in the office on Boylston not going so well. Feel good jokes?
Hey guys, so our office is right between where the two bombs went off in Boston last week. They opened everything back up last night, and so we're back in today. I saw a lot of stuff that I never wanted to last week, and it seems like I'm the only one here (out of 6 employees) that is really struggling with this.
Can you help me get through today with some feel good jokes?
Isis has hidden bombs inside alphabet spaghettios.
If they go off they could spell disaster.
Where did Mary go when the bombs went off?
Everywhere.
Where did Timmy go when the bombs fell?
Everywhere.
A worried flyer asks a statistician...
"What are my chances of getting on a plane that has a bomb on it?" to which the statistician replies, "very, very low". But I fly a lot, said the businessman. Then, said the statistician, Take your own bomb with you. The odds against being on a plane with two bombs on it are 50 billion to one.
I'm starting a career by putting bombs in prayer mats
I think prophets will go through the roof
Why do the Japanese have s**... eyes?
Becuase atomic bombs are bright.
An American walks into an Irish bar...
... and approaches the bartender and says, "I'd like an Irish car bomb."
The bartender says, "Let me see what I can do," and disappears to the back of the bar. He comes back with two highball glasses filled with v**.... He then proceeds to light them on fire.
"Here ya go."
"Uh, that's not really what I was expecting," the American says.
"Yeah, I know," says the bartender, "we're all out of Irish car bombs. But here, you can have a 9/11."
What did the U.S. airdrop to the children of Afghanistan?
Bombs
TIFU by trying to be witty at the airport...
The TSA confiscated my protein powder asking "Are you planning on building any bombs with this substance?"
I replied "No, only guns."
Muslim artists threw some paint bombs at a local building...
They blue it up.
When a statistician goes through airport security, they find a bomb in his bag.
He explains, "The chances that there is one bomb on a plane is 1/1000. The chance there are two bombs on a plane, is 1/1,000,000. Therefore we are much safer."
What do bombs have in common with feminists?
The heavier they are, the bigger they explode when triggered.
I've Studied Various Religions
And here's what I found:
* Christianity was too cross.
* Islam kept dropping bombs on me.
* Buddhism kept repeating itself.
* Hinduism made me have a cow.
* and Judaism made my hair curl.
The Irish are really far behind with technology...
Their bombs still have four wheels and a motor.
A mathematician is afraid of flying
A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a t**... attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."
t**... attack in New York
Thousands of people scream as Mariah Carey bombs Time Square
I always carry a bomb around with me ...
What is the likelihood of having two bombs in the same place at the same time?
You have to wonder about a country where the bombs
... are smarter than the high school graduates. At least the bombs can find Iraq on the maps.
(quote by
Alan Whitney Brown of SNL fame)
How do terrorists prefer to bathe?
...with bath bombs.
I was at the airport security and there was a sign that read...
"Federal law prohibits the making of any jokes on airplane highjacking and b**...."
I stopped and told the officer that you don't have to worry about me, I take my bombs very seriously.
My hearing is next month.
My school does these things at the end of the year called "Senior Pranks".
Usually the same routine, with some alterations each year. Pull the fire alarm, play inappropriate music over the loud speaker, and throw a couple smoke bombs here and there. I'm always surprised how the local retirement home doesn't threaten to sue anyone.
If wives were bombs, what would their trigger code be?
Calm Down
ISIS has reportedly starting putting bombs in cans of alphabet soup
If any go off, it could spell disaster
Two ISIS fighters making a letter bomb
Abdul and Saddam sitting making letter bombs, Abdul says, "Saddam, do you think I've put enough explosive in this envelope?" "I don't know" says Saddam "open it and see". "But it'll explode" says Abdul. "Don't be so f**...' s**..." says Saddam "it's not addressed to you!"
Why would a Hipster hate a Nuclear War?
Because when the bombs detonate, dying would become too mainstream.
I hope NK doesn't name their bombs after their leader...
We've already seen what one Fat Man can do to Japan.
statistician boards plane with a bomb
the probability of there being two bombs on a plane is much lower
The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -
The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.
S. W.
I got so angry with poachers illegally killing dolphins that I began randomly implanting some with tiny bombs.
But it just ended up defeating the porpoise.
Police arrested three people for making bombs out of food wrapping.
Their plot was foiled.
I think the $250 million we spent on bombs for Syria would have been better going to schools in our own country
Then there wouldn't be any teachers left to give raises to.
A mathematician is afraid of flying because of the risk of a t**... b**... it in mid air. So he takes a bomb in his hand baggage
"The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.
The new Super Smash Bros comes out on December 7th
Japan must just love dropping bombs that day
A man goes to a psychiatrist over his fear of flying...
He says Doc I'm scared. With everything happening in the world I'm shaking and breaking out in hives just thinking about there being a bomb on my plane! What can I do doc?
Doc: here's what you do, go out and get a bomb and take it on board with you, the chances of Two bombs being on the plane are one in a trillion!
What does Taliban and North Korea have in common?
Bombs that are only capable of blowing themselves up.
An FBI statistician gave me some advice
I asked him, "I'm flying next week. Do you have any tips on how to lower my chances of being blown up by a bomb smuggled onboard by a t**...?"
He chewed that one over for a while, then answered "Yes. Smuggle a bomb onboard yourself. I've never seen a case where two separate bombs were on the same plane, so the odds of a t**... smuggling a second bomb onboard are very low."
I got fired for getting stressed and k**... the project I was working on.
I'm sorry, but defusing bombs just makes me really stressed.
How do we know the bombs yesterday were made by Democrats?
Because they didn't work.
The military has announced they are going to bomb Syria off the map.
They are naming the bombs "Son of Sam" and "Jack the Ripper."
They're Syria killers.
Dogs are great at sniffing out bombs but terrible at defusing them.
They always end up cutting the grey wire.
An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese walk into a bar.
An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese walk into a bar. The topic of WW2 comes up and the Frenchman says to the American, "Dropping two atomic bombs on Japan was a terrible mistake." The Chinese nods. "You should have dropped more than two."
What are bath bombs for suicidal people?
Toasters!
A mathematician is afraid of flying due to small risk of a t**... attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with him in his hand luggage.
The probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero!
What's the difference between a soldier and a comedian?
If the comedian bombs his set, at least he still gets to walk away.
My wife said she wanted new kitchen appliances or some new bath bombs for our anniversary.
I compromised and bought her a toaster.
Why do actuaries always pack a bomb in their suitcase when they fly?
Because the odds of two bombs being on the same plane are astronomical.
A man is planning on taking a vacation but is afraid of flying
He is afraid of someone b**... the plane, so he asks a statistician what the odds are of a bomb being on a plane. He says the odds are one in a million and he shouldn't worry about it.
He asks what the odds of 2 bombs being on the same plane are, and the statistician says the odds are so low it will probably never happen to anyone in the mans lifetime.
A month later they run into each other and the statistician asks if the man ever took his vacation. He says yes. The statistician asks how he got over his fear of flying and the mans says, it was easy. Every time I board a plane, I bring a bomb with me.
The aircraft carrier captain saw a light whilst at sea
"Tell the signalman to warn that boat to turn to port to avoid a collision."
But the light flashes back "\*YOU\* turn to port to avoid a collision."
The captain, incensed, sends the message "This is a 200 kiloton aircraft carrier with 50 warplanes, atomic bombs and cruise missiles! \*YOU\* turn to the left to avoid a collision!"
The light flashes back "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
I always bring a bomb with me on an airplane
Because the probability of there being *two* bombs on an airplane is nearly zero.
The chances of a bomb being on your plane is one in 300 million, but the chances of two bombs being on your plane is one in 60 billion...
which is why, when I fly, I always carry a bomb.
An American walks into an Irish pub, he asks the bartender for an Irish Car Bomb.
The bartender grimaces, "Excuse me?"
The man smiles, "It's a drink, you don't have those? Irish car bombs?"
The bartender lights up and replies, "Oh I have something similar, one moment!"
He then takes two tall shot glasses side by side, fills them with v**..., and lights them aflame. "Special, just for you."
The American frowns, "What the h**... is this?"
"I call it a 9/11."
*This is a joke my pal from Kerry told me, all credit to him.*
Yesterday was my first day on the job defusing bombs, and I had to cut some wires
Turns out, I'm colorblind
What did the Redditor say when the bombs he placed in the bank finally exploded?
Woah, this blew up! Thanks for the gold!
Library of Congress bomber…
Yesterday's attempted bomber said there are 4 more bombs planted in DC. After botching b**... Congress by showing up at the Library of Congress, the FBI has ordered the immediate evacuation of :
-the Richmond Mall's Supreme Food Court
-The Hexagon Building on Connecticut Ave
-International House of Pancakes
-literally anyone with a white house.
A statistician gets on a plane.
A Statistician gets on a plane. Guy next to him says "I'm scared of flying." The statistician says "I used to be. I used to be worried about terrorists." The guy asks "How'd you stop being scared?" The statistician says "I bought a bomb on the plane." Panicked, the guy yells "What!?"
Statistician goes "Calm down, you see, I'm not gonna blow myself up, and what are the odds there are two bombs on one plane?"
Where did Susie go when the bombs dropped?
She went everywhere
A old woman was arrested on terrorism charges today
A elderly woman was arrested on terrorism charges at Heathrow airport today.
She had tried to bring a bomb onto a plane with her.
When questioned as to why she did such a thing she said she was deathly afraid of her plane being blown up by a t**... and thought the chances of two bombs being on one plane where astronomical.
Back in my day we had to fly those bombs to the target. They didn't ride on these fancy rockets.
Ok bomber.
A teacher asked the students a question about bombs, which left them stumped...
So, the teacher asked a new clear question.
scared of flying
A friend of mine who was scared of flying and asked me one day: "What is the probability that
there will be a bomb on an airplane?" I responded that I really didn't know, but that it was certainly less than one in a million. So he asked: "Well, what is the probability that there are two bombs on an airplane?" I responded that (as long as these were independent events) it would be the square of the probability of having one bomb, which is 1 in a trillion
- a truly astronomical number. So, from that day forward he always carried a bomb with
him when he flew
How does Russia knows that Ukraine has "dirty" bombs?
Because they stole all of their washing machines.
Why did the statistician always take a bomb with him when he traveled by plane?
He knew the chances of a bomb being on a flight he was one in a million, so he figured that the chances of two bombs being on board was one in a million million.
