The Best 82 Bomb Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bomb jokes. There are some bomb allahu jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bomb atomic bomb puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bomb Jokes and Puns

I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend but she keeps calling me

Seems like I have to drop the bomb twice.

I broke up with a Japanese girl last week...

It sucked, because I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message.

Careful, this is an alphabet bomb!

If it goes off, it could spell disaster!

Bomb joke, Careful, this is an alphabet bomb!

When a statistician passes the airport security check...

When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."

Two kids watch a pot-bellied man undress in a changing room,

One of them say "What is in your tummy that makes it so round?" To have some fun the pot-bellied man says, "A bomb". Dumbfounded the second child says, "What a short fuse!"


A statistician and his wife are going I vacation.

As they are packing, the statistician puts a bomb in his suit case.
"Good god, what's that for?" His wife asks.
"Well, there's low odds of one bomb being on a plane, what are the odds of there being two?"

Where was Timmy when the bomb fell?

Everywhere.

Bomb joke, Where was Timmy when the bomb fell?

A Muslim walks into a bar with a bomb...

He asks the barkeep "why does this bar have a bomb?"

The barkeep replies "don't worry, it's just for decoration. This bar, Paradise, is a wartime-themed bar"

"Well I'll be!" exclaims the Muslim. He takes a seat and orders a virgin Mary, as his religion forbids him from imbibing alcohol, but encourages the enjoyment of virgins in Paradise.

Where did sally go when the bomb went off?

- everywhere.

Why did sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms..

Knock knock..
Whose there?
-not sally.

What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.

A bomb just went off in a paris cheese shop

There is de brie everywhere!

You can explore bomb nuke reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bomb blast dad jokes. There are also bomb puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call a T-Rex with a bomb strapped to it's chest?

Dinomite

Muslim Band

I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like:
"Losing my Head over You",
"Rocket Launcher Man",
"You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down!

Then I heard this Muslim guy saying he had the entire Koran on a DVD.

I was interested, so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"

Well that was when the trouble started.

Once i did the "is your dad a terrorist?, because you are a bomb.." line to a muslim girl.

Totally blew up in my face

Where did Little Suzie go when the bomb hit?

Everywhere.

A worried flyer asks a statistician...

"What are my chances of getting on a plane that has a bomb on it?" to which the statistician replies, "very, very low". But I fly a lot, said the businessman. Then, said the statistician, Take your own bomb with you. The odds against being on a plane with two bombs on it are 50 billion to one.

Bomb joke, A worried flyer asks a statistician...

I'm going to open an ISIS themed cafe called Allahu Snackbar - our food is the bomb.

Overheard this in the train, not a joke per se, but I found it funny

>Two dudes were talking about moving to US so the first dude's child will have an American education.

Dude1: My wife and I were thinking that we should move to the US so our kid will have an American education?

Dude2: You dont want to do that.

Dude1: Why?

Dude2: You are telling me you want to send your child to a place where people cant tell the difference between a clock and a bomb?

So, I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend recently.

I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message.


An American walks into an Irish bar...

... and approaches the bartender and says, "I'd like an Irish car bomb."

The bartender says, "Let me see what I can do," and disappears to the back of the bar. He comes back with two highball glasses filled with vodka. He then proceeds to light them on fire.

"Here ya go."

"Uh, that's not really what I was expecting," the American says.

"Yeah, I know," says the bartender, "we're all out of Irish car bombs. But here, you can have a 9/11."

Terrorists make the worst comedians.

They always bomb.

A farmer once bought some ammonium nitrate fertilizer, but it smelled weird,

so he put a sample in a pan and brought it to the nearest USDA branch. A security guard saw the pan full of fertilizer and yelled "bomb", but it was just panned ammonium

Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart?

...because its not a Target.

What's an argument in the Middle East but a compliment in the U.S.A?

"You da bomb"
"No, you da bomb!"

So I recently opened a suicide bomb shop in Syria, and it's doing great!

Prophets are going through the roof.

When a statistician goes through airport security, they find a bomb in his bag.

He explains, "The chances that there is one bomb on a plane is 1/1000. The chance there are two bombs on a plane, is 1/1,000,000. Therefore we are much safer."

What's the difference between a bomb vest and a feminist?

A bomb vest does something when it's triggered.

If someone says "Someone in this room has a bomb," I can't rule myself out as a suspect.

- Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Note7

What's the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl?

You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

You the bomb.

No, you the bomb.

A compliment in America.

An argument in the Middle East.

A mathematician is afraid of flying

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."

Did you hear about the bomb that blew up a French cheese shop?

There's de brie everywhere.

You know what the worst part is about dating a Japanese girl?

If I ever decide to break up with her I will have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message

I always carry a bomb around with me ...

What is the likelihood of having two bombs in the same place at the same time?

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Girl?

You have to drop the Bomb twice before she gets the Message.

What do you call an ISIS member with Tourette's?

A ticking time bomb.

Science and Religion have to coexist because science can make a bomb,

But you do need a religious person to set it off.

"You da bomb." "No, you da bomb"

America: compliments

Syria: arguments

So the US Military dropped a 22,000 lb bomb on ISIS today.

That moves Amy Shumer's special to the second spot for largest bomb for the year.

If you go on a plane, always bring a bomb...

The chances of two people having a bomb on the same plane is slim to none

What do you call a hot Indian?

A Bomb Bae

"You're the bomb, no you're the bomb"

A compliment in the United States, an argument in the Middle East.

What's the difference between a bomb and a social justice warrior?

The bomb actually accomplishes something when it's triggered.

I don't know why North Korea needs a nuclear bomb...

...their weather machine seems to be working just fine

TIL that Nikola Tesla threw the bomb that killed Archduke Franz Ferdinand, sparking WWI...

Whoops, wrong Serb.

What do you call a selfish bomb?

Mine

Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it

What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

I asked my husband for a bath bomb for Christmas

He got me a toaster.

The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -

The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.

S. W.

2 guys are hiding a bomb under a car.

Guy 1 - What if the bomb goes off while we're still under the car.

Guy 2 - Don't worry, I've got a second one in my backpack.

If at first you don't succeed...

... then bomb disposal probably isn't the career for you

A mathematician is afraid of flying because of the risk of a terrorist bombing it in mid air. So he takes a bomb in his hand baggage

"The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.

My Japanese ex-girlfriend kept trying to get back with me

I had to drop the bomb twice before she finally gave up.

I joined ISIS to help my self esteem issues.

Everyone kept telling me You're the bomb.

The worst part about breaking up with my Japanese girlfriend?

Having to drop the bomb twice for her to get the message.

What do you call a French conqueror who stands too close to a bomb?

Napoleon Blown-apart

what does it feel like to join a suicide bomb squad?

I don't know, you'll have to C4 yourself!

What did the suicide bomb instructor say to his new students?

Pay attention because I am only going to do this once

Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl

You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it

I am going to become a bomb defuser.

It is one job where....

Either i'm right.

Or suddenly its not my problem anymore.

Get to the bunker, a nuclear bomb is dropping

"You can't force me in a bunker, I am an American, I have rights"

What did the Redditor say after detonating a bomb inside a bank?

A man is planning on taking a vacation but is afraid of flying

He is afraid of someone bombing the plane, so he asks a statistician what the odds are of a bomb being on a plane. He says the odds are one in a million and he shouldn't worry about it.

He asks what the odds of 2 bombs being on the same plane are, and the statistician says the odds are so low it will probably never happen to anyone in the mans lifetime.

A month later they run into each other and the statistician asks if the man ever took his vacation. He says yes. The statistician asks how he got over his fear of flying and the mans says, it was easy. Every time I board a plane, I bring a bomb with me.

Two Italian guys, Dino and Marcello, go fishing on a boat

Suddenly, Dino spots an old WWII bomb floating towards them.

Dino screams "Marcello! Look! It's a mine!"

Marcello -scared- replies "Okay okay Dino, you can a have it!"

What did the suicide bomb instructor say to his students?

"Right lads, I'm only going to show you this once!"

My history teacher told us that if a nuclear bomb was closely approaching, being flexible would be very helpful.

It's so that you can bend your body and kiss your ass goodbye.

A redditor is defusing a bomb.

If you say AT&T backwards

You sound like a Canadian Bomb Technician.

If 2020 were a bath bomb...

It would be a toaster.

An American walks into an Irish pub, he asks the bartender for an Irish Car Bomb.

The bartender grimaces, "Excuse me?"

The man smiles, "It's a drink, you don't have those? Irish car bombs?"

The bartender lights up and replies, "Oh I have something similar, one moment!"

He then takes two tall shot glasses side by side, fills them with vodka, and lights them aflame. "Special, just for you."

The American frowns, "What the hell is this?"

"I call it a 9/11."


*This is a joke my pal from Kerry told me, all credit to him.*

What did the Reddit user say after setting off a bomb in a bank?

If you find a bomb that blows up when stepped on, please let me know.

It's mine.

very old jokes, but I haven't seen them here before

A male bovine has unfortunately just swallowed a ticking time bomb. How would you describe this situation in one word?

Abominable.

Five minutes later the bomb has detonated leaving little beyond a small hole in the ground. What one word describes the new situation?

Noble.

My dad worked for years as an actuary.

Back in the 1970s he travelled a lot for his work. This was during the time when hijackings, bombings and stuff like that weren't too uncommon.

Being a statistician, he sat down one day and calculated the odds that a bomb would be on a plane that he was on. Turns out, he didn't like the odds.... so the very next day he starting carrying a bomb with him on every plane that he boarded.

Cause he figured, what are the chances that *two* bombs would be on the same plane...

Someone put a bomb in my mailbox.

Holy shit this post blew up.

I got fired from the bomb squad yesterday. It's too bad really...

I had a blast working there.

What did the Big Boy Atomic Bomb say to the Nuclear Bomb when they met?

Nuke, I am your father.

What do you get when you drop a bomb in a French kitchen?

Linoleum Blownapart.

What's your favorite phone?

Mine is the galaxy note 7 that phone was the bomb

A statistician gets on a plane.

A Statistician gets on a plane. Guy next to him says "I'm scared of flying." The statistician says "I used to be. I used to be worried about terrorists." The guy asks "How'd you stop being scared?" The statistician says "I bought a bomb on the plane." Panicked, the guy yells "What!?"

Statistician goes "Calm down, you see, I'm not gonna blow myself up, and what are the odds there are two bombs on one plane?"

A old woman was arrested on terrorism charges today

A elderly woman was arrested on terrorism charges at Heathrow airport today.

She had tried to bring a bomb onto a plane with her.

When questioned as to why she did such a thing she said she was deathly afraid of her plane being blown up by a terrorist and thought the chances of two bombs being on one plane where astronomical.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bomb detonate jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bomb detonation piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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