bolts Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious bolts puns

What does a robot do after a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.




I'll see myself out.

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What does a mechanic do for a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

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What does a robot do after sex?

Nuts and bolts

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Crazy man has sex with machine at laundromat and evades police

Nut screws washer and bolts

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A mental patient escapes from an asylum, goes into a laundrette and rapes a bunch of women. The police arrive and he escapes. Newspaper headline the next day reads....

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### NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS

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The cops in my town are looking for a crazy man. He was last seen having sex with a laundry machine.

Nut screws washer and bolts.

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How does a robot avoid getting caught for public masturbation?

He nuts and bolts.

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Man escapes from insane asylum, and has sex with a girl in a laundry mat.

The newspaper the next day reads:

"Nut screws washers and bolts."

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3 blokes are sat in a pub complaining about health issues.

When suddenly Jesus walks in and touches one of them on the shoulder, "My eyes? My eyes are better!" He runs out he pub with happiness. Jesus then walks over to the second guy and touches his shoulder, "My arthritis? My arthritis is gone!" He bolts it out of the door with a smile on his face. Jesus heads to the third bloke and hears "You can fuck off mate! I'm on disability pay!.

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Did you hear the newspaper headline about the escaped lunatic who raped a woman and ran away?

"Nut screws and bolts".

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An inmate from a mental asylum escaped and started raping people.

The next day headlines read : Nut bolts and screws.

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A guy escaped from the lunatic asylum.

He broke into the local laundromat, banged the female assistant and ran off.

Headline in the local newspaper next day read,

"Nut Screws Washer and Bolts .

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Found this joke online thought I'd share it

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

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A sad looking man walks into a bar

And orders three shots. He knocks them back one after the other and orders another three.

The bartender says "I've never seen anyone drink like that"

The man replies "you'd drink like this if you had what I've got"

This continues twice more, shots, never seen it, you would if you had what I've got.

After the fifteenth shot the bartender asks "I've got to know, what have you got?"

The man grins wide and shouts "twenty cents!" he slaps the coins on the bar and bolts out the door.

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Police in my town are looking for a crazy man. He was last seen trying to have sex with the laundry machine.

Nut screws washers and bolts.

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I recently saw a movie about nuts and bolts.....

The plot was riveting!

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What was the news headline when a crazy man sexually assaulted two laundry women and ran away?

NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS!

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Guy goes to a brothel... (NSFW)

He chooses a girl and they retreat to a room. He goes down on her. A moment later, he lifts his head and spits out a mouthful of corn. A bit perturbed, he resumes anyway. A moment later, he bolts up and spits out a mouthful of carrot bits. Now he's pretty freaked out, but still he resumes. Finally, he lifts his head and spits out a mouthful of English peas.
At this point, he's disgusted, and says, "damn, girl. Are you sick or something?"
"No," she says, "but the guy before you was."

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The pilot gets ready for the flight

"Alright everyone, we will be taking off in a minute, please remain seated.", he says.
After taking off, the pilot forgot the microphone on.
"Know what I want now?", says the co-pilot, "a cup of coffee and a woman to suck my dick".
Noticing the problem with the mic, one of the attendants bolts off to warn them.
While she ran, someone on the back seats yells "Don't forget the coffee!"

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Did you hear about the guy who escaped from a lunatic asylum, raped a bunch of old women in a laundrette then ran away?

The newspaper headlines the next day read:

#**NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS**#

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What does a mechanic do during a 1 night stand?

He screws, nuts, and bolts

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Burford is checking out of a hotel..

Burford is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves. Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says,

"Dear Mr. Burford... All is forgiven. Just tell us...where it is?"

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Two Infantry Officers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up....

A technician walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole', said one officer, 'But we don't have a ladder."
The technician said, 'Hand me that wrench out of your toolbox.'
He loosened a few bolts, then laid the pole down.
He then took measuring tape from their toolbox, took the measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches" and walked away.
The second officer shook his head and laughed and said: "Look at this bloody civilian, We needed the height and this fool gave us the length!"

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What does a robot do with his first girlfriend?

He nuts and bolts

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Did you see the story in the newspaper about the sex attack at the laundry?

The headline read "Nut screws washers and bolts"

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Hear about the mechanic who refuses to pay prostitutes?

He screws, nuts and bolts.

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Piece of Dating Advice

Do not date a car mechanic if you're looking for a long term partner. Typically, a mechanic just nuts and bolts.

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How to add extra fun during your amusement park ride ?

Carry some extra nuts and bolts with you.

as soon as the ride begins, Tap on the shoulder of the guy in front of you. Show them the nuts and bolts and ask

"Are these from your seat ? "

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A lunatic seduced the laundry woman ...

A lunatic seduced the laundry woman to get her keys, and promptly escaped from the asylum.

Next day, the headlines read *Nut Screws Washer and Bolts!*

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Voldemort tried to kill my grandpa twice during the war!

That's why his helmet has two lighting bolts.

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Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length."

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Did you hear about the car mechanic who was in a brief relationship and then left?

There was an article in the newspaper.
MECHANIC NUTS AND BOLTS

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Pilot's Message

After delivering a message over the plane's loudspeaker, an airline pilot did not realize the microphone was still on. He looks over to the co-pilot and instructs, Take over for a little bit, I'm going to take a shit and bang the flight attendant. Outraged that the pilot had mistakenly relayed his message to everyone on the plane, the flight attendant bolts down the aisle of the plane towards the cockpit. To her dismay, she trips over an old lady's leg who immediately reacts by saying, Why the rush, dear? You heard the man say he had to take a shit first!

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The doctor and the bunny (clean)

A doctor is driving home one dark and stormy night. A few yards ahead, a rabbit bolts out from the forest. Try as he may, the doctor couldn't stop in time and he struck the rabbit.

An animal lover, the good doctor leapt from the car to see if he could help the little guy. But the rabbit was not responsive. He ran back to the car to get his medical bag, but then realized that he was driving his wife's car, and so his bag would not be there. He reached into the glove box and pulled out what he thought was a bottle of water.

Returning to the bunny, he carefully lifted its little head and helped it sip from the bottle. To his amazement, the bunny sprang back to life. The bunny gave him a big wave and then hopped off. It stopped a few feet away and then waved again. Bounding up the hill, once again the little bunny waved. Astonished by the remarkable recovery, the doctor looked at bottle in his hand and read the label out loud, Hair restorer with permanent wave.

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Three mothers see a psychologist

They've brought their kids with them. The psychologist says, "It looks like you all have obsessions, and you've named your children after them."

He says to the first mother, "You have an obsession with cars, which is why you named your daughter Mercedes"

He moves onto the second mom, "Your obsession is money. Your child's name is Penny, which reflects that."

Finally he turns to the third mother. "At first I was puzzled by your choice, but I realized it was so simple. Because another name for..."

She then stands up, bolts out of the room as fast as she could, "LET'S GO RICHARD WE'RE LEAVING!"

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What are the most funny Bolts jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Bolts? Well, here are the best Bolts dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Bolts pick up lines to share with friends.

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