Heartwarming Bolt Jokes that Make You Laugh
As electricians we are always amped for the day.
We bolt out of bed, shocked as always with how much we charge you.
I bought a dog from a blacksmith this morning...
...within 10 minutes of getting him home he made a bolt for the door.
I adopted a dog from a blacksmith today..
First thing he did when i got him home was make a bolt for the door.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What's brown and runny?
Usain Bolt.
What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr. Dre.
An angel appears at a faculty meeting...
... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
Jesus vs Satan
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"
God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."
usain bolt
usain bolt, the fastest man in the world, can run almost 30mph. that means if were to run in a neighborhood, he could get pulled over by the cops...for being black.
So it's the first day of shop class...
The teacher asks, "What's the difference between a nail, a screw, and a bolt?" A girl raises her hand and says, "I don't know. I've never been bolted before."
What did the father lightning bolt do to his son when he miabehaved?
He grounded him.
Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
What does a cheetah call Usain Bolt?
Fast food
You can explore bolt blacksmith reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bolt rivet dad jokes. There are also bolt puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man is sitting in the dock at court.
The judge asks the man for his occupation.
"I'm a locksmith, your honour", the defendant replies.
"And what were you doing at the jewellers at three in the morning when police arrived at the scene", the judge inquires.
"I was making a bolt for the door".
After Usain Bolt retires, he'll move to Iran.
Why do robots make bad boyfriends?
They just screw, nut, then bolt.
I was in shop class in high school and my teacher had a nail, a bolt, and a screw in his hand...
... He asked us if we knew the difference between them. A girl raised her hand and said, "Well, I've never been bolted."
What do you call Usain bolt when he's running from a lion?
Fast food
What does Usain Bolt do when he misses the bus?
He waits at the next station
What happens if Usain Bolt misses his bus?
He waits for it at the next stop.
If Usain Bolt was an electrician...
His name would be Usain Volt
Who is faster?
Usain Bolt in the 100m finals or Ryan Lochte running through the airport to catch his flight out of Brazil?
Fastest Bolt at the Olympics?
Was it Usain Bolt or Ryan Lochte's ride to the airport?
Rumours suggest Usain Bolt has been cheating on his wife. I'm amazed she hasn't caught him.
Then I remembered that he can finish in 9.58 seconds.
A doctor was visiting a patient
She asked him 'doctor am I going to die?'
Out of pity the doctor told her the truth, 'we are all dying slowly, some just faster than others.'
The patient said, 'how fast am I dying.'
The doctor leaned over and said 'you are the usain bolt of dying.'
I don't understand all the excitement over Usain Bolt
I finish in under ten seconds all the time.
My new puppy is an excellent blacksmith...
...every time I yell he makes a bolt for the door!
New dog
So I brought this new dog home that I got from a blacksmith yesterday. As soon as we got home it made a bolt for the door.
What's brown and runny
Usain Bolt
I bought a dog from a blacksmith
as soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.
You cant expect an honest person to beat Usain Bolt...
Only a cheetah can.
I think my new dog thinks he is a blacksmith
As soon as I took him inside he made a bolt for the door
How does one question the sanity of the fastest man alive?
U Sain Bolt?
What did the therapist tell Usain Bolt?
You sane, Bolt
Women hate mechanics.
All they do is screw, nut, and bolt.
I bought a dog off a locksmith today.
As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
my dog is training to be a blacksmith
every now and then he'll make a bolt for the door
I just bought a dog from the town blacksmith
When I took it home, it made a bolt for the door.
Usain Bolt
Why can't usain bolt listen to music?
- Because he broke the record!
MAN: Give it to me straight, Doc...am I dying?
DOC: *looking at medical chart* "Everyone's dying."
MAN: "Well yes, but what about me specifically?"
DOC: *Looks up* "You're, like, the Usain Bolt of dying."
What's the engineering term for a one night stand?
A nut and bolt.
I think my horse is a blacksmith.
I slapped him on the backside and he made a bolt for the door.
Usain Bolt was going for run around his neighborhood when a policeman pulled him over.
Usain, confused to why he was being apprehended, asked, "Is there a problem with a black man going for a run?"
The cop respond, "No, you were doing 30 in a 15."
I found a stray dog the other day.
I think it's owner was a blacksmith, because as soon as I brought the thing home it made a bolt for the door.
I bought a pair of drums without any drumsticks, so I decided to bolt them together.
I figured if you can't beat them, join them.
I bought a dog from a blacksmith today
Within 10 minutes of being home he'd already made a bolt for the door
Usain Bolt did the 100m in 9.63 seconds..
I can't do anything that quick!
It took me 10 seconds to watch him run it!
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
What did the fisherman say to the lightning bolt?
"Mr. Spark, I don't reel so good"
Thought of a great slogan for a construction company..
We screw, we nut, we bolt.
Why can't Usain Bolt listen to music when he's running?
Because the silly fool keeps breaking the records.
My job is to drill holes in things and then bolt them together.
At first it's boring, but later on, it's riveting!
I told her I'm a mechanical engineer
I can't fix her car, but I can screw, nut, and bolt.
I had to go to my Grandmother's f**... yesterday...
...just as the graveside service had ended, there was an almighty rumble of thunder, followed by a bolt of lightning.
My Grandfather turned to the Priest and said, "well, she's there and now it's His problem!"
What do you call it when a mechanic has s**... with a girl and never sees her again?
Nut and bolt
What is the difference between Usain Bolt and h**...?
One could actually finish a race.
Why are mechanics absent fathers?
Because they nut and bolt
I adopted a dog that used to be owned by a blacksmith...
As soon as I got him inside, he made a bolt for the door.
Why do machinists leave so quickly after s**...?
They just screw, nut, and bolt
Why did the cannibal not eat Usain Bolt?
They're cutting back on fast food.
My buddy, who's a blacksmith, won't stop talking about how awesome his new dog is.
Apparently, as soon as he got him, he made a bolt for the door.
Usain Bolt can reach speeds up to 30 miles per hour. So in certain suburban neighborhoods, he might get arrested.
For being black.
The big race
It was the day of the big race. Usain Bolt was going to run against a cheetah, the world's fastest animal, capable of reaching speeds of up to 70 mph!
People knew Usain didn't stand a chance, but watched anyway. At last, they were off, and in a matter of seconds the race was over - amazingly, Usain Bolt came out victorious!!!
Because...cheetah's never win.
What do you call a one night stand with a construction worker?
Nut and bolt.
Judge to carpenter: "You were arrested during a drugs bust in a gambling den. What were you doing there?"
"Making a bolt for the door, your honour."
I bought a dog from a blacksmith.
10 minutes after we arrived home, the dog made a bolt for the door.
What happens if you tighten a Bolt too much?
You bust a Nut
All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together.
At first it's boring, then it's riveting.
I just bought a dog from a local blacksmith.
As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door
I rescued a dog that belonged to a blacksmith.
As soon as I brought it home, it made a bolt for the door
how do you turn a screw into a bolt?
the spouse comes home.
I was driving to work yesterday, when I spotted Usain Bolt on the sidewalk. I rolled the window down and offered him a lift.
He said 'No thanks, I'm in a rush.'
I bought a dog from the local blacksmith this morning.
Within 10 minutes if having him home he made a bolt for the door.
What did the robot do after being caught sleeping with the neighbor's wife?
Nut and Bolt
I used to have a dog that was an engineer
Everytime I shouted at him, he made a bolt for the door
Moses, Jesus and an old man are playing golf together.
Moses swings and the ball rolls towards a river. The river splits and the ball goes through. Jesus shrugs, and hits the ball straight onto the river. It rolls straight over. The old man smiles and hits the ball into the river. A fish swallows the ball, an eagle swoops down, grabs the fish and flies off. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, it drops the fish, the ball falls into the hole. Moses turns to Jesus "I hate playing with your dad."
What do the United States and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both focus too much on race.
I saw Usain Bolt sprinting around the track shouting, "Why did the chicken cross the road!?"
It was a running joke.
The Right Choice
An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean of the college that, in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, he will be given his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something wise."
The dean looks at them and says, "I should have taken the money."
I tried to kidnap a blacksmith, but when I turned my back ...
... he made a bolt for the door.
What do you call a robots one night stand?
A nut and bolt
A priest and an atheist are playing golf.
The priest is okay, but the atheist is s**.... He keeps missing his shots. Every time he misses a shot, he says 'Damn, missed!' The priest got more and more agitated at the use of the word 'damn', and eventually snapped. He said, 'Do not use that word or God himself will strike you down!' There's an immediate ruble from the sky, and a bolt of lighting shoots down and vaporizes the priest into ash. A booming voice rings out across the golf course, striking fear into the golfers, and says:
'Damn, missed!'
I bought a dog from a blacksmith.
I realized he was a blacksmith, because when I got the dog home he made a bolt for the door.
Usain Bolt lands at an airport
his plane lands 10 minutes later.
Moses, Jesus and an old man were playing golf.
Moses swings and the ball rolls towards a river. The river splits and the ball goes through. Hole in one.
Jesus shrugs, and hits the ball straight onto the river. It rolls straight over. Hole in one.
The old man smiles and hits the ball into the river. A fish swallows the ball, an eagle swoops down, grabs the fish and flies off. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, it drops the fish, the ball falls into the hole.
Moses turns to Jesus and says
"I hate playing with your dad."
John is playing golf with the vicar
He misses a three foot putt, and says "d**..., missed the buggar."
The vicar warns him "keep talking like that and God will open up the heavens and strike you dead with lightning."
John then misses a two foot putt, and repeats "d**..., missed the buggar."
Sure enough, God opens the heavens and sends down a lightning bolt, but it strikes the vicar and he falls over dead.
"d**..., missed the buggar." God says.
Did you hear about the terrified Blacksmith?
They made a bolt for the door.
If Bill Gates eats American food and Ghandi eats Indian food, what food does Usain Bolt eat?
fast food
I bought a dog from a locksmith.
The second I got him into the house, he made a bolt for the door.
What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf h**...?
Usain Bolt knows how to finish a race
I once bought a dog from a blacksmith..
Only had him half an hour when he made a bolt for the door.
How do you keep a bolt from stripping?
Help it find a better job.
Why are robots bad in bed?
They just screw, nut and bolt.
New Doggy
I've just gone and bought a dog off a Blacksmith!!!
As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door!
