Bolt Jokes
122 bolt jokes and hilarious bolt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bolt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get a bolt of laughter with these hilarious nut and bolt jokes! From puns about lightning bolts to jokes about Marco Bolt, the blacksmith and his upright wrench, these jokes are sure to make you chuckle. Read on for some bold fun!
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Funniest Bolt Short Jokes
Short bolt jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bolt humour may include short belt jokes also.
- I bought a dog from a blacksmith this morning... ...within 10 minutes of getting him home he made a bolt for the door.
- All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together. At first it's boring, then it's riveting.
- A guy escaped from the lunatic asylum. He broke into the local laundromat, banged the female assistant and ran off.
Headline in the local newspaper next day read,
"Nut Screws Washer and Bolts . - I tried to kidnap a blacksmith, but when I turned my back ... ... he made a bolt for the door.
- I found a stray dog the other day. I think it's owner was a blacksmith, because as soon as I brought the thing home it made a bolt for the door.
- What's brown and sticky? A stick.
What's brown and runny?
Usain Bolt.
What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr. Dre. - Judge to carpenter: "You were arrested during a drugs bust in a gambling den. What were you doing there?" "Making a bolt for the door, your honour."
- Piece of Dating Advice Do not date a car mechanic if you're looking for a long term partner. Typically, a mechanic just nuts and bolts.
- I think my new dog thinks he is a blacksmith As soon as I took him inside he made a bolt for the door
- Voldemort tried to kill my grandpa twice during the war! That's why his helmet has two lighting bolts.
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Bolt One Liners
Which bolt one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bolt? I can suggest the ones about bold and bullet.
- What does a robot do after a one night stand? He nuts and bolts.
I'll see myself out. - What does a mechanic do for a one night stand? He nuts and bolts.
- What happens if Usain Bolt misses his bus? He waits for it at the next stop.
- What's the engineering term for a one night stand? A nut and bolt.
- Fastest Bolt at the Olympics? Was it Usain Bolt or Ryan Lochte's ride to the airport?
- my dog is training to be a blacksmith every now and then he'll make a bolt for the door
- After Usain Bolt retires, he'll move to Iran.
- Why are mechanics absent fathers? Because they nut and bolt
- I recently saw a movie about nuts and bolts..... The plot was riveting!
- What does a mechanic do during a 1 night stand? He screws, nuts, and bolts
- Thought of a great slogan for a construction company.. We screw, we nut, we bolt.
- What does a robot do with his first girlfriend? He nuts and bolts
- Hear about the mechanic who refuses to pay prostitutes? He screws, nuts and bolts.
- What does a cheetah call Usain Bolt? Fast food
- how do you turn a screw into a bolt? the spouse comes home.
Usain Bolt Jokes
Here is a list of funny usain bolt jokes and even better usain bolt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was driving to work yesterday, when I spotted Usain Bolt on the sidewalk. I rolled the window down and offered him a lift. He said 'No thanks, I'm in a rush.'
- If Bill Gates eats American food and Ghandi eats Indian food, what food does Usain Bolt eat? fast food
- I saw Usain Bolt sprinting around the track shouting, "Why did the chicken cross the road!?" It was a running joke.
- I don't understand all the excitement over Usain Bolt I finish in under ten seconds all the time.
- Did you hear about the guy who broke all of Usain Bolt's records? Completely destroyed his precious vinyl collection.
- Why did the cannibal not eat Usain Bolt? They're cutting back on fast food.
- Usain Bolt lands at an airport his plane lands 10 minutes later.
- Usain Bolt Why can't usain bolt listen to music?
- Because he broke the record! - What did the therapist tell Usain Bolt? You sane, Bolt
- What's brown and runny Usain Bolt
Nut And Bolt Jokes
Here is a list of funny nut and bolt jokes and even better nut and bolt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I told her I'm a mechanical engineer I can't fix her car, but I can screw, nut, and bolt.
- What did the robot do after being caught sleeping with the neighbor's wife? Nut and Bolt
- Did you hear about the car mechanic who was in a brief relationship and then left? There was an article in the newspaper.
MECHANIC NUTS AND BOLTS - What do you call a brothel for construction workers? Nuts N' Bolts
- A mechanic makes for an awesome FWB. He screws, nuts and bolts.
- What happens if you tighten a Bolt too much? You bust a Nut
- How does Bob the Builder have a one night stand? He nuts and bolts
- Did you hear about the mechanic who slept with my wife? He nuts and bolts
- Why do you never hear "my dad is a mechanic"? Because he nuts and bolts
- How do you know when a guy is a tool? When he nuts and bolts
Lightning Bolt Jokes
Here is a list of funny lightning bolt jokes and even better lightning bolt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the father lightning bolt do to his son when he miabehaved? He grounded him.
- What did the fisherman say to the lightning bolt? "Mr. Spark, I don't reel so good"
- What holds clouds together? Bolts of lightning.
- If Harry Potter, as a baby, was struck twice by Voldemort... I don't think people would have celebrated him as much for having 2 lightning bolt shaped scars on his forehead
- What did the lightning say to the cloud? I have to bolt.
Heartwarming Bolt Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about bolt you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beam jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bolt pranks.
As electricians we are always amped for the day.
We bolt out of bed, shocked as always with how much we charge you.
An angel appears at a faculty meeting...
... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
Jesus vs Satan
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"
God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
usain bolt
usain bolt, the fastest man in the world, can run almost 30mph. that means if were to run in a neighborhood, he could get pulled over by the cops...for being black.
What did the bolt say to the nut?
"Washer? I don't even know 'er!"
So it's the first day of shop class...
The teacher asks, "What's the difference between a nail, a screw, and a bolt?" A girl raises her hand and says, "I don't know. I've never been bolted before."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
I think my washing machine used to belong to Usain Bolt.
It has a setting for fast coloureds.
A man is sitting in the dock at court.
The judge asks the man for his occupation.
"I'm a locksmith, your honour", the defendant replies.
"And what were you doing at the jewellers at three in the morning when police arrived at the scene", the judge inquires.
"I was making a bolt for the door".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Usain Bolt is like a Police Officer
He starts off following black men, then catches up and beats them.
If Usain Bolt was an electrician...
His name would be Usain Volt
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Rumours suggest Usain Bolt has been cheating on his wife. I'm amazed she hasn't caught him.
Then I remembered that he can finish in 9.58 seconds.
A doctor was visiting a patient
She asked him 'doctor am I going to die?'
Out of pity the doctor told her the truth, 'we are all dying slowly, some just faster than others.'
The patient said, 'how fast am I dying.'
The doctor leaned over and said 'you are the usain bolt of dying.'
My new puppy is an excellent blacksmith...
...every time I yell he makes a bolt for the door!
Nesta Carter was asked how he felt after winning a gold medal alongside Usain Bolt.
"That was dope!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You cant expect an honest person to beat Usain Bolt...
Only a cheetah can.
How does one question the sanity of the fastest man alive?
U Sain Bolt?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have a problem with running away from relationships after s**....
I just nut and bolt.
Man: Hey Bolt! Get in the car, I'll drop you home!
Usain Bolt: Sorry dude, I'm in a hurry.
MAN: Give it to me straight, Doc...am I dying?
DOC: *looking at medical chart* "Everyone's dying."
MAN: "Well yes, but what about me specifically?"
DOC: *Looks up* "You're, like, the Usain Bolt of dying."
100 Metres Final
Gatlin beats Bolt in the 100 metres final. All that buildup for 9.92 seconds and disappointment.
Now I know how my girlfriend feels.
I think my horse is a blacksmith.
I slapped him on the backside and he made a bolt for the door.
A bus breaks down and the driver pops the hood to investigate
A blonde passenger who is a certified mechanic comes out with her toolbox, eager to help and show off her training and also give blondes a good reputation for a change. She leans behind the bus driver and sees a loose bolt, so, helpful, she asks: "Fancy a screw driver?"
I have a dog named Locksmith
Every time I kick him he makes a bolt for the door.
Usain Bolt was going for run around his neighborhood when a policeman pulled him over.
Usain, confused to why he was being apprehended, asked, "Is there a problem with a black man going for a run?"
The cop respond, "No, you were doing 30 in a 15."
I bought a pair of drums without any drumsticks, so I decided to bolt them together.
I figured if you can't beat them, join them.
I heard Usain Bolt once won a race while resting.
He was fast asleep.
Usain Bolt did the 100m in 9.63 seconds..
I can't do anything that quick!
It took me 10 seconds to watch him run it!
You wanna know why the call me the toolbox?
Because I screw, then I nut, and then I bolt.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango
What do Cannibals call Usain Bolt
Fast food
A bolt is in love with a nail fixed in a wall on the opposite side of the room...
The feeling doesn't seem to be mutual, so the bolt decides to compliment it and shouts to the nail, "Hey stud!"
"Ugh, screw off!"
Needless to say, the bolt won't be getting nailed tonight.
Who is the soulmate of Usain Bolt?
Usain Nut
Usain Bolt is very near-sighted, almost blind
The only reason he can run so fast is because he downgraded the graphics
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had to go to my Grandmother's f**... yesterday...
...just as the graveside service had ended, there was an almighty rumble of thunder, followed by a bolt of lightning.
My Grandfather turned to the Priest and said, "well, she's there and now it's His problem!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you go to a mechanics shop to get laid but get caught
do you screw, nut, and bolt?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do machinists leave so quickly after s**...?
They just screw, nut, and bolt
My buddy, who's a blacksmith, won't stop talking about how awesome his new dog is.
Apparently, as soon as he got him, he made a bolt for the door.
The big race
It was the day of the big race. Usain Bolt was going to run against a cheetah, the world's fastest animal, capable of reaching speeds of up to 70 mph!
People knew Usain didn't stand a chance, but watched anyway. At last, they were off, and in a matter of seconds the race was over - amazingly, Usain Bolt came out victorious!!!
Because...cheetah's never win.
I used to have a dog that was an engineer
Everytime I shouted at him, he made a bolt for the door
Moses, Jesus and an old man are playing golf together.
Moses swings and the ball rolls towards a river. The river splits and the ball goes through. Jesus shrugs, and hits the ball straight onto the river. It rolls straight over. The old man smiles and hits the ball into the river. A fish swallows the ball, an eagle swoops down, grabs the fish and flies off. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, it drops the fish, the ball falls into the hole. Moses turns to Jesus "I hate playing with your dad."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do the United States and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both focus too much on race.
The Right Choice
An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean of the college that, in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, he will be given his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something wise."
The dean looks at them and says, "I should have taken the money."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest and an atheist are playing golf.
The priest is okay, but the atheist is s**.... He keeps missing his shots. Every time he misses a shot, he says 'Damn, missed!' The priest got more and more agitated at the use of the word 'damn', and eventually snapped. He said, 'Do not use that word or God himself will strike you down!' There's an immediate ruble from the sky, and a bolt of lighting shoots down and vaporizes the priest into ash. A booming voice rings out across the golf course, striking fear into the golfers, and says:
'Damn, missed!'
What will Usain Bolt become when he dies?
A dead bolt.
Moses, Jesus and an old man were playing golf.
Moses swings and the ball rolls towards a river. The river splits and the ball goes through. Hole in one.
Jesus shrugs, and hits the ball straight onto the river. It rolls straight over. Hole in one.
The old man smiles and hits the ball into the river. A fish swallows the ball, an eagle swoops down, grabs the fish and flies off. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, it drops the fish, the ball falls into the hole.
Moses turns to Jesus and says
"I hate playing with your dad."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
John is playing golf with the vicar
He misses a three foot putt, and says "d**..., missed the buggar."
The vicar warns him "keep talking like that and God will open up the heavens and strike you dead with lightning."
John then misses a two foot putt, and repeats "d**..., missed the buggar."
Sure enough, God opens the heavens and sends down a lightning bolt, but it strikes the vicar and he falls over dead.
"d**..., missed the buggar." God says.
Did you hear about the terrified Blacksmith?
They made a bolt for the door.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf h**...?
Usain Bolt knows how to finish a race
How do you keep a bolt from stripping?
Help it find a better job.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are robots bad in bed?
They just screw, nut and bolt.
