Boiling Jokes
113 boiling jokes and hilarious boiling puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about boiling that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A collection of jokes that will have you boiling over with laughter. From boiling water to boiling eggs, these hot and fiery jokes will have you in a bubbling pan full of joy.
Quick Jump To
- Short Boiling Jokes
- Boiling One Liners
- Boiling Water Jokes
- Boiling Egg Jokes
- Boiling Pot Jokes
- Boiling Point Jokes
- More Boiling Jokes
Funniest Boiling Short Jokes
Short boiling jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The boiling humour may include short boiled jokes also.
- Just been challenged to a water fight by next door brat kids... Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.
- What did the egg say to the boiling water? It's gonna take me a little while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick.
- A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar..... The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".
- What did the egg say to the boiling water? I'm not sure if I can get hard, I was just laid this morning.
- What did the egg say to the boiling water? "Sorry, it's going to take me a while to get hard, I got laid last night."
- A man died due to his obsession of taking photos of himself next to a boiling kettle He had serious selfie steam issues.
- A cowboy ran out of food on the trail so he had to boil and eat his leather chaps. The next day he pooped his pants.
- My wife made me dinner the other day. She got offended when I put down my knife and fork and said, "This dinner is disgusting" then my wife said, "Well, boil your own toast next time then"
- What did the egg say to the boiling water? "Not sure I can get hard..just got laid 10 minutes ago"
- What did the blonde do with the boiling water? Froze it - you never know when you're going to need boiling water.
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Boiling One Liners
Which boiling one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with boiling? I can suggest the ones about water boils and melting.
- If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock. That's pretty humerus.
- RIP boiling water You will be mist.
- What do you get if you boil funnybones? A laughing stock.
- Today I learned boiling water was really smart. It has like, 100 degree.
- R.I.P boiled water... You will be mist
- I tell you what makes my blood boil, faulty spacesuits.
- What happens if you boil your funny bone? You make a laughing stock of yourself :)
- Did you know, if you boil a funny bone... It becomes a laughing stock.
- Rest in peace boiling water, You will be mist.
- My best friend died in a freak boiling water accident. He will be mist.
- Breakfast musings... A boiled egg is hard to beat.
- Rest in peace to the water I just boiled. It will be mist.
- I over boiled some venison broth earlier... It was deerly mist.
- What do you call a clown after you've boiled it for 10 hours? A laughing stock!
- I'm so hungry right now I could boil a hyena! But I'd only make myself a laughing stock.
Boiling Water Jokes
Here is a list of funny boiling water jokes and even better boiling water puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the egg say to the boiling water? Sorry I can't get hard right now. I just got laid.
- What did the egg say to the boiling water? It may take me a while to get hard. I just got laid by a chick.
- The kids next door just challenged me to a water fight. So I'd thought I'd post this while I wait for the kettle to boil.
- What did the egg say to the boiling water? Don't expect me to get hard in three minutes, I just got laid this morning!
- What did the egg say to the boiling water? I don't know if I can get hard I just got laid this morning!
- What did the egg say to the boiling water? It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
- The kid next door challenged me to a water fight Thought I'd post it here while the water boils.
- I love taking photos of myself standing next to boiling water. My doctor says I have selfie steam issues.
- The kid next door challenged me to a water fight what's up guys, I'm just here killing time while the water boils
- Goodbye boiled water you will be mist
Boiling Egg Jokes
Here is a list of funny boiling egg jokes and even better boiling egg puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There are two eggs in a pan of boiling water One says "oh! I've got a small crack."
The other replies "don't worry, I'm only half hard." - What did the egg say to the boiling water? How do you expect me to get hard when I got laid just a moment ago.
- What did the egg say to the boiling water? It'll be a minute before I get hard. I just got laid by a chick.
- You Know It's Hot When ... Cows are giving evaporated milk ...
Chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs ...
Catfish are already fried when caught ...
Jehovah Witnesses start telemarketing ... - A boiled egg in the morning... It's pretty hard to beat.
- What did the egg say to the boiling water? I was laid this morning..... I don't know if I can get hard just yet
- A boiled egg in the morning... is hard to beat.
- How do French people know how long to boil an egg? They just know when they boiled enough.
- This is no yolk A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off - Eggs have it bad for boiling water. Unfortunately, it'll take them a while to get hard since they just got laid by a chick.
Boiling Pot Jokes
Here is a list of funny boiling pot jokes and even better boiling pot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the egg say to the p**... of boiling water? It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.
- Two eggs are put into a p**... of boiling water, what did one egg say to the other? It's going to take me a minute to get hard, I got laid last night
- What did the egg say to the p**... of boiling water? Its going to take me a while to get hard because I was just laid.
- My wife asked me why I was yelling at the p**... of water on the stove. I said, water boils ~~faster~~ hotter under pressure.
- I was boiling some noodles until the p**... suddenly began to float. Needless to say, it was soup rising.
- What's the difference between a gamer and a p**... of boiling water? A p**... of boiling water doesn't get salty when you put a tea-bag in it.
- Why did the blonde freeze a p**... of boiling water? Because you never know when you're going to need some boiling water.
- Everyone is always concerned how dirty my kitchenware is Well my grandma always told me "a washed p**... never boils"
- Restaurant tries m**... for lobsters to take the edge off being boiled Be careful because watched p**... never boils.
- Why does a watched p**... never boil? Because it's a pressured cooker
Boiling Point Jokes
Here is a list of funny boiling point jokes and even better boiling point puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call an Asian man that cooks things at just below boiling point and looks a lot like you? Simmerer
Entertaining Boiling Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about boiling you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean heating jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make boiling pranks.
A husband, so proud...
....of the fact that his wife had given birth to 6 children, begins to call her "mother of 6" rather than by her first name. The wife was amused at first.
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her husband's description. "Mother of 6, get me a beer!" This type of situation rose to a boiling point.
Finally, while at a party with her husband, he jokingly said, "Hey mother of 6, it's time to go!"
The wife shouted, "I'll be right with you - father of 4!"
[found this scrolling through YouTube Comments]
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
it's going to be a while before I get hot - I just got laid by a chick.
she can't open windows.
On a cold winter morning, while her husband is away on business, a wife has a problem at home and sends a text message to her husband:
Windows frozen, it won't open
Husband texts back:
Pour boiling water over it inside and outside
Five minutes later, wife texts back.
Computer's really s**... up now...
Vampires love tea...
A vampire goes into a pub and asks for boiling water. The barman says "I thought you only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used t**... and says, "I'm making tea"!
A vampire walks into a bar
This vampire walks into a bar. Says ooOOOooOOOooo boogity boogity. Bar tender says "Alright, well what'll you have?" Vampire sits down and says can I get a big glass of hot water?" Bartender goes, gets a giant cup of boiling water and says "Here. I thought you guys needed blood or something like that though, why hot water?" Vampire reaches into his coat pocket, pulls out this giant t**... and says "I'm making tea."
Did you hear about the german who accidently put his hand in boiling oil?
he Gottfried..
Must be one-of-a-kind...
Years ago, my older friend told me a joke that I have never heard from anyone else to this day. The joke itself is brilliantly s**....
"What did the egg say to the p**... of boiling water?"
"It's going to take a moment for me to get hard; I just got laid by some chick."
Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female...
The female egg says "Oh my, look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg, "I'm not even hard yet"
Count Dracula walks into a bar...
and asks the bar man for a cup of boiling water. The bar man quickly returns with the water as requested, and puts it on the bar in front of Dracula. Curious, the bar man says to Dracula "Forgive me, but I thought you vampires only drank blood, what do you want the hot water for?" Dracula takes a used t**... from his cloak pocket. "For making tea, of course" replies Dracula.
What's the difference between friends and potatoes?
Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.
Three vampires walk into a bar...
The first two order a pint of blood each, the third asks for a jug of boiling water, confused the barman asks "why?". The vampire pulls out a used t**... and says "I'm making tea"
Dirtiest clean joke I know...
What did the egg say to the boiling water....? It's gonna take a minute for me to get hard, I just came outta this chik! :p
What do you call boiling period blood in a saucepot?
Egg drop soup.
A vampire walks into a bar and asks for for a cup of boiling water
The bartender says to the vampire dont vampiers drink blood? the vampire pulls out a used t**... and say yes im making tea!
Throwing a life preserver to someone drowning in boiling oil is a futile act...
Unless of course that life preserver is made of dough.
Are you boiling water?
Are you boiling water, because you make my noodle soft.
They say dunking your head in cold water helps wake you up
But no one realizes boiling water is much more effective
Goodbye, boiling water...
you will be mist
**Disclaimer: Not scientifically accurate**
If you're tired of boiling water for pasta
then boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later
Boiling water
You will be mist
A common chefs error
Is to think they must always add salt to a sauce before boiling it down. This is the fallacy of reductive seasoning.
Eggs
Two eggs boiling in a pan.
One says,"I've got a huge crack."
The other replies,"Stop teasing me, I'm not hard yet."
Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta?
Boil some at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.
My mate just asked me if he could put a teabag in my mouth and fill me with boiling water.
He must think I'm some kind of mug.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It's going to take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by a chick.
I bumped into an old school friend the other day.
He seemed to be doing very well for himself, fancy clothes, new car. You could tell he was now very successful and wealthy.
I asked him how he had been doing and he said great, I've got loads of money, fancy cars and a big house.
I asked him how he came to be so rich and he replied I've been using animal carcasses and boiling them down to a concentrate and selling that for a profit. I've made a killing on the stocks market.
What goes in e**..., hard and dry. And comes out wet and flaccid ?
Spaghetti in the boiling pan !
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs boiling in a p**... of water?
Stew
The troubles of foreigners in Canada
A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.
"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'."
"Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
**
A vampire walks into a pub...
... and asks the barman for a cup of boiling water.
"I thought you lot only drank blood" says the barman.
The vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used t**...;
"I'm making a cup of tea."
The boiling water died
It shall be mist.
Whom did the German philosopher quote when his friend dipped his hand in boiling oil?
Johann Gottfried
Ever since I bought $GME shares, my wife won't stop boiling chickens.
She likes the stock.
Three vampires walk into a bar
They all take a seat and the bartender comes up to serve them.
'I'll have a glass of blood', the first vampire says. The bartender hands it to him and looks over to the next vampire.
'I'll have a glass of blood too', the second vampire says. The bartender does the same before walking up to the third.
'I'll have a cup of boiling water please', the third vampire requests. The bartender looks at him, puzzled.
'Not having a glass of blood like your friends?', the bartender asks.
'Not today.' the final vampire said, taking out a used t**... from his pocket. 'I'm making tea.'
A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded
"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'."
"Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
Rest in piece the Boiling Water…
It will be mist
A man goes to the hospital with horrible burns all over his feet
The doctors ask "how did this happen"? He replies "The instructions on the can said "before opening, stand in boiling water for five minutes."
Where did the boiling water go?
It's a mistery.
Always use a lid when boiling water.
It'll make it boil a lid-le faster!
How do they make Holy water
Boiling the h**... out of it
