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Boiled Jokes

90 boiled jokes and hilarious boiled puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about boiled that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Can't get enough of boiled jokes? Get ready to laugh out loud with these funny puns, riddles, and tongue twisters related to boiled egg, boiled peanut, baked, kettle, and cannibal topics. Have a blast!

Funniest Boiled Short Jokes

Short boiled jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The boiled humour may include short boiling jokes also.

  1. Just been challenged to a water fight by next door brat kids... Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.
  2. What did the egg say to the boiling water? It's gonna take me a little while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick.
  3. A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar..... The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".
  4. What did the egg say to the boiling water? I'm not sure if I can get hard, I was just laid this morning.
  5. What did the egg say to the boiling water? "Sorry, it's going to take me a while to get hard, I got laid last night."
  6. A man died due to his obsession of taking photos of himself next to a boiling kettle He had serious selfie steam issues.
  7. A cowboy ran out of food on the trail so he had to boil and eat his leather chaps. The next day he pooped his pants.
  8. My wife made me dinner the other day. She got offended when I put down my knife and fork and said, "This dinner is disgusting" then my wife said, "Well, boil your own toast next time then"
  9. What did the egg say to the boiling water? "Not sure I can get hard..just got laid 10 minutes ago"
  10. What did the blonde do with the boiling water? Froze it - you never know when you're going to need boiling water.

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Boiled One Liners

Which boiled one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with boiled? I can suggest the ones about boils and boiling water.

  1. If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock. That's pretty humerus.
  2. RIP boiling water You will be mist.
  3. What do you get if you boil funnybones? A laughing stock.
  4. Today I learned boiling water was really smart. It has like, 100 degree.
  5. R.I.P boiled water... You will be mist
  6. I tell you what makes my blood boil, faulty spacesuits.
  7. What happens if you boil your funny bone? You make a laughing stock of yourself :)
  8. Did you know, if you boil a funny bone... It becomes a laughing stock.
  9. Rest in peace boiling water, You will be mist.
  10. My best friend died in a freak boiling water accident. He will be mist.
  11. Breakfast musings... A boiled egg is hard to beat.
  12. Rest in peace to the water I just boiled. It will be mist.
  13. I over boiled some venison broth earlier... It was deerly mist.
  14. What do you call a clown after you've boiled it for 10 hours? A laughing stock!
  15. I'm so hungry right now I could boil a hyena! But I'd only make myself a laughing stock.

Boiled Egg Jokes

Here is a list of funny boiled egg jokes and even better boiled egg puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the egg say to the boiling water? Sorry I can't get hard right now. I just got laid.
  • What did the egg say to the boiling water? It may take me a while to get hard. I just got laid by a chick.
  • What did the egg say to the boiling water? Don't expect me to get hard in three minutes, I just got laid this morning!
  • What did the egg say to the boiling water? I don't know if I can get hard I just got laid this morning!
  • What did the egg say to the boiling water? It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
  • There are two eggs in a pan of boiling water One says "oh! I've got a small crack."
    The other replies "don't worry, I'm only half hard."
  • What did the egg say to the boiling water? How do you expect me to get hard when I got laid just a moment ago.
  • What did the egg say to the boiling water? It'll be a minute before I get hard. I just got laid by a chick.
  • You Know It's Hot When ... Cows are giving evaporated milk ...
    Chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs ...
    Catfish are already fried when caught ...
    Jehovah Witnesses start telemarketing ...
  • A boiled egg in the morning... It's pretty hard to beat.

Hard Boiled Jokes

Here is a list of funny hard boiled jokes and even better hard boiled puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • It's so sad how many people poach elephants in kenya They taste so much better hard boiled
  • What did the egg say to the boiling water? I was laid this morning..... I don't know if I can get hard just yet
  • A boiled egg in the morning... is hard to beat.
  • Eggs have it bad for boiling water. Unfortunately, it'll take them a while to get hard since they just got laid by a chick.
  • Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female... The female egg says "Oh my, look, I've got a crack"
    "No good telling me" replies the male egg, "I'm not even hard yet"
  • Eggs ​Two eggs boiling in a pan.
    One says,"I've got a huge crack."
    The other replies,"Stop teasing me, I'm not hard yet."​
  • Are you hungry and looking for something to eat? A boiled egg is hard to beat.
  • Dirtiest clean joke I know... What did the egg say to the boiling water....? It's gonna take a minute for me to get hard, I just came outta this chik! :p
  • What did the egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by a chick.
  • Hard boiled eggs are disgusting! How does anyone eat them? The crunchy soft mix is absolutely disgusting, It's like eating ravioli covered in chips.
Boiled joke, Hard boiled eggs are disgusting!

Hard Boiled Egg Jokes

Here is a list of funny hard boiled egg jokes and even better hard boiled egg puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Egg to the boiling water 'It's gonna take a minute for me to get hard, I just got laid by a chick'
  • You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
  • Roses are red. Violets are blue… Poetry is hard. I'm hungry hmmmm
    Hard
    Hard boiled eggs
    Mmmm bacon and eggs
    Sorry where was I?
  • Two eggs boiling in a pan. One says, I've got a huge ........ Two eggs boiling in a pan. One says, I've got a huge crack. The other replies, Stop teasing me I'm not F*cking hard yet .
  • I don't understand hard boiled eggs... The crunchy and the squishy just don't go well together.
  • My grandmother passed away. Grandfather tried to stay positive about living the single life.
    He said: "Who needs a wife anyway?
    -How hard can it be to boil Bacon and Eggs?"
  • The inventor of hard boiled eggs wrapped in sausage meat has just died. RIP Scott Chegg.
  • What did the egg say to the p**... of boiling water? It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.
  • Two eggs are put into a p**... of boiling water, what did one egg say to the other? It's going to take me a minute to get hard, I got laid last night
  • What did the egg say to the p**... of boiling water? Its going to take me a while to get hard because I was just laid.

Hard Boiled Eggs Jokes

Here is a list of funny hard boiled eggs jokes and even better hard boiled eggs puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the egg say to the p**... of boiling water? What did the egg say to the p**... of boiling water?
    "It might take me a minute to get hard... I just got laid this morning."
  • What did the egg say after he was put in a p**... of boiling water? I just got laid by a chick and now I'm getting hard.
Boiled joke

Heartwarming Boiled Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about boiled you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean boiling pot jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make boiled pranks.

2 monsters started talking

2 monsters were talking, one said he loved eating humans, the other disagreed. the first monster asked how he was cooking his humans. The second answered "I boiled him."So the first monster then asked if the second could describe the human he was trying to cook the second responded with "well, he was bald with a ring of hair, he wore a brown robe, with a rope around his waist like a belt." The second monster replied "well there's your problem! He was a FRIAR"

Please enter your new password

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER:ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIf
YouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.

Did you hear about the water that got so angry that he boiled himself?

He just had to let off some steam.

What was said the boiled waters f**...?

You will be mist.

Old Sandy McPherson was dying. Tenderly, his wife Maggie knelt by his bedside and asked, 'Anything I can get you, Sandy?' No reply. 'Have ye no' a last wish, Sandy?' Faintly, came the answer ... 'A wee bit of yon boiled ham.' 'Wheesht, man,' said Maggie, 'ye ken fine that's for the f**....

What's an Irish Seven Course Dinner?

A boiled potato and a six-pack of Guinness Stout.

How do you know when your vegetables are boiled?

Their wheelchair floats to the top.

Why was the cook sad when all the water in his p**... boiled away?

Because he mist it.

I like my women like I like my potatoes...

Skinned and boiled.

Lobsters scream when they are being boiled.

I looked it up and thank goodness it's not true. It's actually the sound of tiny bubbles exploding through their skin.

A man steps in a diner and orders some coffee...

The waitress brings it over and lies it on the table. The moment the man takes a sip, he spits it out, shouting, "This coffee tastes like boiled dirt!", and the waitress says, "I wouldn't be surprised, it was ground this morning."

Choose a new password :

potato
Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.
boiled potato
Sorry, password must contain at least one number.
1 boiled potato
Sorry, password cannot contain spaces
50fuckingboiledpotatoes
Sorry, password must contain capital letters.
50FUCKINGboiledpotatoes
Sorry, capital letters must not be consecutive.
IwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAss,IfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately
Sorry, password must not contain punctuation.
NowIamSeriouslyGettingPissedOffIwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAssIfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately
Sorry, you can't change your password to a password that has already been used with this account. Choose a new password :

A Weapon Of Mass Destruction...

A cabbage and beer f**..., with a couple of boiled eggs thrown in, in the second pew at the 10:00 service at St. Agnes of the Holy Water Church...

What happens when an EGG gets angry?

it gets boiled

SCIENTIST: I just boiled water.

ME: Solid.
SCIENTIST: No.
ME: I just mean that's cool.
SCIENTIST: WRONG AGAIN!

My wife and I have been arguing about hot liquids for weeks

But today, it all finally boiled over

Mike, why do you have a fried egg on your head?

Mike: Because a boiled egg would just roll off

Goodbye boiled water

you will be mist

So my boyfriend's kettle has boiled dry all the water inside and he said "RIP water..."

"You will be mist."

The boiled water died

He shall be mist

This is no yolk

A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off

Restaurant tries m**... for lobsters to take the edge off being boiled

Be careful because watched p**... never boils.

A scientist made of water was boiled

he will forever be mist.

Did you hear about the Doctor that boiled 2000 lbs of gophers alive?!?!

He was studying mole-ton lava.

I quit smoking and nothing much is different. Except I can t**... food. I went to a friend's place for dinner and I was like... What's this zingy, zangy thing you're serving me here? Never tasted anything so zingy and zangy.

... A boiled potato, eh? Huh.

RIP boiled water.

You shall be mist.

How do French people know how long to boil an egg?

They just know when they boiled enough.

I made holy water the other day.

I boiled the h**... out of it.

Struggles of passwords

Struggles of passwords
"Set password:"
carrot
"Password must be at least 8 characters."
boiled carrot
"Password must contain at least 1 number."
1 boiled carrot
"Password cannot contain spaces."
50boiledcarrots
"Password must contain at least 1 capital."
50FUCKINGBoiledcarrots
"Password cannot contain multiple consecutive capitals."
50FuckingBoiledCarrots
"Password cannot contain swear words"
IfYouDoNotAcceptThisPasswordThenYouCanStickThose50BoiledCarrotsUpYourButt
"This password is already in use."

A pair of cannibals were discussing their recent meals

One said "I found some Catholic monks when I was in the woods; took home the meat and boiled it up. Tasted TERRIBLE!"
The other said "Idiot. You don't boil monks- those are friars!"

A chef I know just boiled up a chicken carcass with seasoning, vegetables and nitrous oxide.

I told him he's made himself a laughing stock.

My son was eating his boiled egg for breakfast, when he said dad, I think this egg is out of date.

I said stop messing about, just eat it.
He said but Dad it's really really out of date.
I said I don't care, just eat the d**... thing!
He said Okay dad, but do I have to eat the beak and feet too?

Boiled joke, My son was eating his boiled egg for breakfast, when he said  dad, I think this egg is out of date.

jokes about boiled