Quirky and Hilarious Bodyguards Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
A lone s**... was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.
Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"
Stalin and Roosevelt were arguing over whose bodyguards were more loyal...
...and ordered them to jump out of the window on the fifteenth floor. Roosevelt's bodyguard flatly refused to jump, saying "I'm thinking about the future of my family." Stalin's bodyguard, however, jumped out of the window and fell to his death. Roosevelt was taken aback.
"Tell me, why did your man do that?" he asked.
Stalin lit his pipe and replied:
"He was thinking about the future of his family, too."
The bodyguards of the POTUS used to shout "Get down, Mr. president!" during assassination attempts
Now they just say "Donald, duck"
By all means shoot for the stars
Just aim for their bodyguards first
Donald Trump and his two bodyguards are on a crashing airplane. There are only two parachutes.
Trump declares "I am the President of the United States and also the smartest one. It's unbelievable." He grabs a parachute and jumps.
One of the bodyguards says "Hey, man, you have a wife and kids. Take the parachute."
The other replies "There are enough parachutes for both of us, Tim. Mr Trump took my knapsack."
Vladimir Putin, surrounded by his aides and bodyguards.....
visits a modern art exhibition. "What the h**... is this green circle with yellow spots all over?" he asked. His aide answered, "This painting, president Putin, depicts our heroic peasants fighting for the fulfillment of the plan to produce two hundred million tons of grain."
"Ah-h… And what is this black triangle with red strips?" "This painting shows our heroic industrial workers in a factory." "And what is this dwarf with donkey ears?"
"Mr. president, this is not a painting, this is a mirror."
What do you call Shakira's bodyguards?
Shakira-ty guards
What do you call Linux' bodyguards with no b**...?
Unix
How many flat earthers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three experts in logistics, one metereologist, two cooks plus six foragers, two engineers, two pilots, two drivers, one cartographer, a steward, a communications expert, someone in charge of the journal, eight porters, five mountain climbers, five divers, two armed bodyguards, and a captain for the expedition that will find the secret instructions written 6000 years ago on stone tablets by the Mayas.
Did you hear about the mishap at the Asia Summit?
The Chinese government is seeking answers after the recent Beijing Conference. Apparently, several of Obama's and Putin's private bodyguards were the last to use one of the royal toilets before it was reported clogged.
Obama announced that he will ask congress to create a commission to investigate the incident while Putin denies that his forces ever entered the bathroom.
A telepathic alien diplomat once said to his human colleague: "Your bodyguards loathe you secretly."
The human was alienated immensely.
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