The Best 62 Body Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Body jokes. There are some body torso jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these body carcass puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Body Jokes and Puns

I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."



I responded, "How about now?"

TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...


On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.

I'm not sure what scared him more. My naked body or the fact I knew where he lived

Body joke, I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.

What's the most sensitive part of a man's body during masturbation?

His ears.

If you want to read the Gospel according to Shrek, open your Bible to Psalm–

–BODY ONCE TOLD ME…


When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body

Then I was born

My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of an 18 year old.

Until she checked the freezer.

Body joke, My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of an 18 year old.

An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m

...and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied,
"I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked,
"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."

Three Engineers are having an argument...

The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."

The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."

The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"

A man gets pulled over by the police...

A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night.

The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replied, "That would be my wife."

My wife told me she wanted the body of a stripper.

But she screamed when I brought her one.

You can explore body bodily reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean body limbs dad jokes. There are also body puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I'm starting to get self-conscious about my body odour...

On my last two dates the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sex. I can't quite place the brand but it had a distinct sharp peppery smell.

When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body

When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts

I'm 36 but have the body an 18-year-old

The police are pretty upset about it.

A bikini is an outfit where 90% of a woman's body is exposed.

The amazing fact is that men are so decent, they only look at the 10% that isn't.

When I die I'm going to donate my body to science.

That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.

Body joke, When I die I'm going to donate my body to science.

A redneck's father passed away in his sleep

So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.

The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?

There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"

What do you call someone with no body and just a nose ?

Nobody knows

An old man is dying..

His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.


My son is a man trapped in a woman's body

he'll be born in February

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.

You understand it better, but it dies in the process.

See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.

*

I have the body of a 25 year old supermodel

But it takes up too much space in my freezer

Ladies: A guide to understanding what guys say...

* If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body.
* If a guy says you're pretty, he's looking at your face.
* If a guy says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother.

You know that tingly sensation you get when you like somebody?

That's common sense leaving your body.

As I looked at my naked body in the mirror...

I thought to myself, "I'm going to get kicked out of Ikea any moment now."

What is the most sensitive part of your body while pleasuring yourself?

Your ear listening for foot steps.

My wife has a body of a 12 year old..

She keeps it in the fridge.

is my wife ashamed of my body?

a tiny part of me says yes.

My friend says he has the body of a Greek God...

I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't Greek

Jesus and the disciples are at the last supper...

Jesus holds up a piece of bread and says, "This is my body."

Then he holds up a cup of wine, saying," This is my blood."

Then he holds up a jar of mayonnaise and Peter says, "Let me stop you right there, Jesus."

A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.

Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"

My wife laughed when I said I still have the body of a 25 year old.

Until I showed it to her in the freezer.

When a woman wears a bikini, they leave 90% of their body exposed.

Men, being the gentlemen that we are, only look at the other 10%.

My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue...

Completely pale, no arms.

If you give a monkey a typewriter, it will eventually write Shakespeare...

...If you give a monkey a camcorder, it will eventually film a dead body and post it to the internet.

Is my girlfriend disappointed in my body?

A tiny part of me says 'yes'.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body, but I'm so polite...

...I only look at the covered parts.

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads

"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.

I'm a fruit. If you take away my first letter, I'm a body part. If you take away my first and last letter, I suck. What am I?

pear

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.

One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when erect."

Those who answered "spine" are now doctors

The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

I used to feel like a man who was trapped in a woman's body.

Then I was born.

I took our body weight scale out to weigh myself

And after stepping on the scale I pulled in my stomach, to which my girlfriend reacted: "you know that doesn't help at all". I told her "sure it does, now I can see the numbers"

After you die, what part of the human body is the last to stop working?

Your pupils; they dilate.

When you die what body part dies last?

The pupils, they dilate

My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning

It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz

My 3 year old daughter asked

My 3 year old daughter asked: Where does poo come from?

I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: You just had breakfast?

Yes , she replied.

Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what's left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as poo.

She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: And Tigger?

My wife yelled from upstairs and asked...

My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"

Sounding concerned I replied "No..."

She responded "How about now?"

A world renowned chemist dies.

A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"

Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body.

I gave her a shoulder to crayon.

A detective story

11:45 - arrived at crime scene

11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle

11:45 - Found murder weapon in drain

11:45 - Realised watch was broken

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, hookers, alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late.


The officer then asks, Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?

The man replies, That would be my wife.

Doctor: sorry sir but your body has run out of magnesium

Me: 0mg

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."

After you die, the last part of your body to stop working are your pupils because...

...they dilate!

Did you hear about the guy who won an award for having the most extra body parts?

He won the Chernobyl Piece Prize.

My body is a temple.

And I treat it as if I was a late 19th century archeologist.

My brother was murdered today

cop: do you mind identifying the body \[puts hand on my shoulder\] I have to warn you the body was hacked up.

me: \[tearing up\] yes that's my brother Reese.

cop: you're sure?

me: \[nodding\] those are Reese's Pieces.

What is the most sensitive part of your body when masturbating?

Your ears, listening for footsteps.

Scans of a newly discovered sarcophagus have revealed that the mummy inside was coated in nuts and chocolate

It's believed to have been body of Pharaoh Roche.

A blonde walks into a hospital

She complains that every bone in her body is broken.

The doctor says "where does it hurt?"

The blonde points at her leg, "here".

She points at her arm, "here"

She points at her other leg and arm "here and here".

The doctor examins her and promptly says "Ma'am, you have a broken finger"

What's the least sympathetic body of water?

The Crimea River

Where do bodybuilders buy groceries?

Swole Foods

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the body anatomy jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working body toned piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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