I responded, "How about now?"
On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...
I'm not sure what scared him more. My naked body or the fact I knew where he lived
His ears.
–BODY ONCE TOLD ME…
Then I was born
Until she checked the freezer.
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when erect."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.
Your ear listening for foot steps.
That's common sense leaving your body.
...I only look at the covered parts.
a tiny part of me says yes.
When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts
Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"
A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
Until I showed it to her in the freezer.
The police are pretty upset about it.
Your pupils; they dilate.
The amazing fact is that men are so decent, they only look at the 10% that isn't.
But she screamed when I brought her one.
But it takes up too much space in my freezer
pear
So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.
The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"
You understand it better, but it dies in the process.
See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.
*
On my last two dates the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sex. I can't quite place the brand but it had a distinct sharp peppery smell.
A tiny part of me says 'yes'.
...and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied,
"I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked,
"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.
That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.
* If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body.
* If a guy says you're pretty, he's looking at your face.
* If a guy says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother.
Then I was born.
I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,
"For extra body and volume."
No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads
"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.
She keeps it in the fridge.
And after stepping on the scale I pulled in my stomach, to which my girlfriend reacted: "you know that doesn't help at all". I told her "sure it does, now I can see the numbers"
he'll be born in February
The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"
Nobody knows
Jesus holds up a piece of bread and says, "This is my body."
Then he holds up a cup of wine, saying," This is my blood."
Then he holds up a jar of mayonnaise and Peter says, "Let me stop you right there, Jesus."
...If you give a monkey a camcorder, it will eventually film a dead body and post it to the internet.
I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't Greek
I thought to myself, "I'm going to get kicked out of Ikea any moment now."
Men, being the gentlemen that we are, only look at the other 10%.
Completely pale, no arms.
Boyfriend - "I love your sense of humor most"
I will never keep lube and glue in the same drawer ever again.
You'll go to prison for a very long time.
Don't worry though, he's 0K.
They wanted to know where the rest of her body was
Thankfully, it all changed when I was born.
you know, like has she become all fat and bloated, or has she become disgustingly skinny; or maybe someone has already found the body.
What's the worst thing you've ever done to a dead body?
The doctor looks at him for a minute and asks if he is sure. The man says yes, he's thought about it for some time and thinks its time to get it done. The doctor says alright, it's your body.
After the procedure, the man wakes up and the doctor comes over for a chat. He tells the man that while he was down there, he threw in a free circumcision.
Circumcision! the man exclaims. That's the word I was looking for.
I said back, "That's a bluff".
Her body is a 10, but her intro and conclusion need some work.
Then my mother gave birth
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