The Best 63 Body Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Body jokes. There are some body torso jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these body body odor puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Body Jokes and Puns
I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."
I responded, "How about now?"
TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...
On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...
I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.
I'm not sure what scared him more. My naked body or the fact I knew where he lived
What's the most sensitive part of a man's body during masturbation?
His ears.
If you want to read the Gospel according to Shrek, open your Bible to Psalm–
–BODY ONCE TOLD ME…
When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body
Then I was born
My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of an 18 year old.
Until she checked the freezer.
An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m
...and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied,
"I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked,
"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
Three Engineers are having an argument...
The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"
A man gets pulled over by the police...
A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
My wife told me she wanted the body of a stripper.
But she screamed when I brought her one.
You can explore body bodily reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean body limbs dad jokes. There are also body puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I'm starting to get self-conscious about my body odour...
On my last two dates the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sex. I can't quite place the brand but it had a distinct sharp peppery smell.
When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body
When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts
I'm 36 but have the body an 18-year-old
The police are pretty upset about it.
A bikini is an outfit where 90% of a woman's body is exposed.
The amazing fact is that men are so decent, they only look at the 10% that isn't.
When I die I'm going to donate my body to science.
That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.
A redneck's father passed away in his sleep
So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.
The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"
What do you call someone with no body and just a nose ?
Nobody knows
An old man is dying..
His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.
My son is a man trapped in a woman's body
he'll be born in February
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.
You understand it better, but it dies in the process.
See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.
*
I have the body of a 25 year old supermodel
But it takes up too much space in my freezer
Ladies: A guide to understanding what guys say...
* If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body.
* If a guy says you're pretty, he's looking at your face.
* If a guy says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother.
You know that tingly sensation you get when you like somebody?
That's common sense leaving your body.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror...
I thought to myself, "I'm going to get kicked out of Ikea any moment now."
What is the most sensitive part of your body while pleasuring yourself?
Your ear listening for foot steps.
My wife has a body of a 12 year old..
She keeps it in the fridge.
is my wife ashamed of my body?
a tiny part of me says yes.
My friend says he has the body of a Greek God...
I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't Greek
Jesus and the disciples are at the last supper...
Jesus holds up a piece of bread and says, "This is my body."
Then he holds up a cup of wine, saying," This is my blood."
Then he holds up a jar of mayonnaise and Peter says, "Let me stop you right there, Jesus."
A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.
Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"
My wife laughed when I said I still have the body of a 25 year old.
Until I showed it to her in the freezer.
If you give a monkey a typewriter, it will eventually write Shakespeare...
...If you give a monkey a camcorder, it will eventually film a dead body and post it to the internet.
Is my girlfriend disappointed in my body?
A tiny part of me says 'yes'.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body, but I'm so polite...
...I only look at the covered parts.
Do not shampoo in the shower
I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,
"For extra body and volume."
No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads
"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.
I'm a fruit. If you take away my first letter, I'm a body part. If you take away my first and last letter, I suck. What am I?
pear
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when erect."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.
I used to feel like a man who was trapped in a woman's body.
Then I was born.
I took our body weight scale out to weigh myself
And after stepping on the scale I pulled in my stomach, to which my girlfriend reacted: "you know that doesn't help at all". I told her "sure it does, now I can see the numbers"
After you die, what part of the human body is the last to stop working?
Your pupils; they dilate.
When you die what body part dies last?
The pupils, they dilate
My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning
It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz
My 3 year old daughter asked
My 3 year old daughter asked: Where does poo come from?
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: You just had breakfast?
Yes , she replied.
Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what's left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as poo.
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: And Tigger?
My wife yelled from upstairs and asked...
My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
Sounding concerned I replied "No..."
She responded "How about now?"
Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body.
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
A detective story
11:45 - arrived at crime scene
11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle
11:45 - Found murder weapon in drain
11:45 - Realised watch was broken
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, hookers, alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late.
The officer then asks, Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?
The man replies, That would be my wife.
Doctor: sorry sir but your body has run out of magnesium
Me: 0mg
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."
After you die, the last part of your body to stop working are your pupils because...
...they dilate!
My brother was murdered today
cop: do you mind identifying the body \[puts hand on my shoulder\] I have to warn you the body was hacked up.
me: \[tearing up\] yes that's my brother Reese.
cop: you're sure?
me: \[nodding\] those are Reese's Pieces.
My 9 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body...
I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it.
My wife yelled from the bedroom asking, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No."
She yelled back, "How about now?"
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, hookers, alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "My wife."
Every body loves guns!
Everytime I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
A substitute teacher enters the class and asks:
"What do we call it when a muscle moves in our body involuntarily?"
No answer comes from the students. After waiting for a while the teacher decides to move on with another topic, but he sees a reluctant hand rising from the back row. The teacher tells him to answer. The kid replies:
"A tick, sir"
"Very good, son! What is your name?"
"Tavit"
What's a ghost's favorite body part?
BOObies
What do you call someone with no nose and no body?
Nobody nose
What is the last part of your body to die?
Your eyes.....because they dilate.
I'm mad my parents let me eat so many Rice Krispies growing up. They clearly absorbed into my body.
Now every time I sit down I snap, crackle, and pop.
Jokes about the human body are generally corny…
Jokes about eyes though are even cornea.
In honor of a bath time song sung by a fellow dad...
Here is mine:
Wash your body!
Oh yeah.
Clean your body!
Uh huh
Wash your body!
It's bath time tonight!
Let's get clean, alright!
Clean your fingers and your toes...
Wash your face, don't forget your nose
If it's Monday night we wash your hair.
But everytime wash behind your ears!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the body dead body jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working body body builder piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.