bodies Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious bodies puns

When women wear a bikini, they expose 90% of their bodies.....

Men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.


New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion...

...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.


Authorities fear that the collapsed bridge in Genoa was made with 'Mafia' concrete.....

....they've found 6 more bodies than there were people missing.


I watched some guy steal my car last night.

In normal circumstances I would've stopped him myself, but I didn't bother and decided to just call the police.

Fuck it, I'll let him explain the bodies in the trunk.


Tragedy in Poland

The worst air disaster in Poland's history occurred today when a two-seat Cessna 120 crashed into a cemetery.

So far 374 bodies have been found.

Polish search and rescue officials indicate that the number will probably rise as they continue to dig.


I jokingly told my friend I was collecting the bodies of past emperors of Russia and dumping them into a giant ravine, but he thought I was serious and asked what was wrong with me.

I guess he just doesn't understand tsar chasm.


Army Wargames

During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.

"Sorry sir, "said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."

The officer turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction."

They helped.


Why do Ants never get sick?

Because they have Anty Bodies. :P


Did you hear about the tragic crash of the small plane into the cemetery?

So far they've recovered 324 bodies.


Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning

when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.


There's an old Italian man

There's an old Italian man, and every year, he and his son plant a tomato garden together. This particular year, however, the son is in jail, and so the old man writes him a letter.

"My son, it is regrettable that you can't be here to plant the tomato garden with me this year. The soil is too hard for me to dig myself. I look forward to the day you come home so we can continue this tradition together."

The son writes back, "Father, don't dig up the tomato garden, that's where the bodies are buried."

That night around 2 AM, the police show up at the old man's house with a warrant to search the ground for bodies. After several hours of digging around, they find nothing, apologize to the man, and go on their way.

The next day, the man receives another letter from his son, "Father, given the circumstances, this was the best I could do. You should be able to plant the tomatoes now."


Why are giraffes' necks so long?

Because their heads are so far from their bodies.


Ireland's worst air disaster

Ireland's worst air disaster happened early this morning when a small two-seater plane crashed into a cemetery.

Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 186 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.


Why are hipsters such great assassins?

Because they hide the bodies in places no one has ever heard of.


A husband calls his wife from his office, and the maid picks up...

The husband ask, "Hello, is my wife around?"

The maid responds with, "No, sir, she's upstairs with her boyfriend."

The husband, completely enraged, orders the maid to kill both his wife and her boyfriend.

Wen the maid returns, she asks what she should do with the bodies. The husband instructs her to simply toss the bodies in the pool.

Silence comes from the other end, and after a few seconds, the maid says, "Pool, sir?"

The husband looks down at his phone and says, "This isn't 229-6342, is it?"


Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he came back from Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness, dead bodies hanging in the canopy, and remembers the smell of blood and gunpowder.

When he sees seven, he is reminded of those days.


Three war veterans were getting compensations...

Three war veterans were getting compensations for their years in the service. This time the compensation system was quite untraditional: they were told that they should choose two points from their bodies, and the distance (in cm) between them would be multiplied with 100 and converted into dollars. A licensed doctored was asked to do the official measuring.

The first man says: "Measure me from head to toe!" The doctor does as he is told and the first veteran, who was 183 cm tall, receives $18,300 and walks away happily.

The second veteran lifts his hand high up in the air and says: "Measure me from the tip of my finger to my toes!" He leaves over $23,000 richer.

The last veteran says: "Measure me from the tip of my penis to my balls." The doctor laughs and asks if he's certain about this. Confidently, the man pulls down his pants.

"My God!" gasps the doctor. "Where are you testicles?"

"In Vietnam."


Last night, a two-seat, single engine plane crashed in a Polish cemetery.

Polish authorities report that they have recovered five hundred bodies so far and believe thousands more may still be found.


What has five bodies and one soul?

A Kia full of Gingers.


Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.


Engineering students are always confused by women...

....why do the ones with the most streamlined bodies put up the most resistance?


What do you call the sweat on the bodies of two people having sex in West Virginia?

Relative Humidity


Plane crashed in graveyard

Police recovered 2000 bodies.


Nobody available!

A guy looks out his back window and sees burglars in his tool shed, going through his stuff. He calls 911 and the dispatcher says, "Are they in your house?"

"No, they're out in the shed."

"Nobody's available right now, but we'll send an officer when we can."

A minute later the guy calls back and says, "I just called about burglars in my shed. Don't worry about it, I went out and shot them. My dogs are chewing on the bodies now," and he hangs up.

Three minutes later the house is surrounded by squad cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter overhead and an ambulance. They catch the burglars and put them under arrest. One of the cops says, "I thought you said you shot them!"

The guys retorts, "I thought you said nobody was available!"


A powerful tornado tore through our town last night. So far, eight bodies have been found.

Plot twister. It only damaged the graveyard.


A helicopter crashes in a graveyard...

the police recovered 300 bodies.


Breaking news

This morning saw what will probably become the worst air disaster in the Midwest. An ultralight single-seater plane crashed into a cemetery in Stockholm, Wisconsin. So far, the search and rescue teams have recovered 1736 bodies and as the digging continues into the night, we can only expect that number to climb.


A mortician was working late one night...

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen!

I'm sorry Mr. Sam, said the mortician, but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity.

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.

I have something to show you that you won't believe, he said, and opened his briefcase.

Oh, my God! she screamed, Sam is dead!


My car got stolen yesterday !!

I thought of calling the cops but then realized it was better not to call them and let the car thief take care of the dead bodies in my trunk.


Did you hear about the airplane that crashed into a cemetery?

They recovered 12,000 bodies.


Helicopter crash

A helicopter crashed today over a cemetery on the outskirts of the city. So far the authorities have recovered over 200 bodies.


An old woman gets pulled over for speeding..

The cop says, do you know why I pulled you over? You were speeding! She replies.. oh thank god! I thought it was for the drugs, guns and dead bodies in my trunk... oops. The cop, surprised, immediately calls for backup and dogs and swat.. the whole 9 yards. After about an hour of searching and discussing, another officer walks up to the old woman.. excuse me maam.. but the other police officer said you had guns, drugs and bodies in your trunk? The old woman, with a surprised look replies, "He did? Oh my God! I bet that lying Mother fucker said I was speeding too!


What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull?

A dog that is smart enough to bury the bodies.


Breaking news: A helicopter has crash landed into a cemetery in Ireland

The pilots didn't survive, and so far local police have recovered 956 bodies.


Air tragedy in Newfoundland...

A two-seater single engine Cessna 152 crashed in foggy conditions near the Gander airport, crashing into the nearby cemetery.

Newfie rescue squads have recovered 385 bodies so far, and that number is expected to climb as digging continues.


What are the most funny Bodies jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Bodies? Well, here are the best Bodies dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Bodies pick up lines to share with friends.

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