Bodies Jokes

What are some Bodies jokes?

When women wear a bikini, they expose 90% of their bodies.....

Men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.

New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion...

...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.

Authorities fear that the collapsed bridge in Genoa was made with 'Mafia' concrete.....

....they've found 6 more bodies than there were people missing.

Tragedy in Poland

The worst air disaster in Poland's history occurred today when a two-seat Cessna 120 crashed into a cemetery.

So far 374 bodies have been found.

Polish search and rescue officials indicate that the number will probably rise as they continue to dig.

Army Wargames

During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.

"Sorry sir, "said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."

The officer turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction."

They helped.

Did you hear about the tragic crash of the small plane into the cemetery?

So far they've recovered 324 bodies.

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning

when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

Why are giraffes' necks so long?

Because their heads are so far from their bodies.

There's an old Italian man

There's an old Italian man, and every year, he and his son plant a tomato garden together. This particular year, however, the son is in jail, and so the old man writes him a letter.

"My son, it is regrettable that you can't be here to plant the tomato garden with me this year. The soil is too hard for me to dig myself. I look forward to the day you come home so we can continue this tradition together."

The son writes back, "Father, don't dig up the tomato garden, that's where the bodies are buried."

That night around 2 AM, the police show up at the old man's house with a warrant to search the ground for bodies. After several hours of digging around, they find nothing, apologize to the man, and go on their way.

The next day, the man receives another letter from his son, "Father, given the circumstances, this was the best I could do. You should be able to plant the tomatoes now."

Why are hipsters such great assassins?

Because they hide the bodies in places no one has ever heard of.

A husband calls his wife from his office, and the maid picks up...

The husband ask, "Hello, is my wife around?"

The maid responds with, "No, sir, she's upstairs with her boyfriend."

The husband, completely enraged, orders the maid to kill both his wife and her boyfriend.

Wen the maid returns, she asks what she should do with the bodies. The husband instructs her to simply toss the bodies in the pool.

Silence comes from the other end, and after a few seconds, the maid says, "Pool, sir?"

The husband looks down at his phone and says, "This isn't 229-6342, is it?"

Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he came back from Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness, dead bodies hanging in the canopy, and remembers the smell of blood and gunpowder.

When he sees seven, he is reminded of those days.

Last night, a two-seat, single engine plane crashed in a Polish cemetery.

Polish authorities report that they have recovered five hundred bodies so far and believe thousands more may still be found.

What has five bodies and one soul?

A Kia full of Gingers.

Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Engineering students are always confused by women...

....why do the ones with the most streamlined bodies put up the most resistance?

What do you call the sweat on the bodies of two people having sex in West Virginia?

Relative Humidity

Plane crashed in graveyard

Police recovered 2000 bodies.

Nobody available!

A guy looks out his back window and sees burglars in his tool shed, going through his stuff. He calls 911 and the dispatcher says, "Are they in your house?"

"No, they're out in the shed."

"Nobody's available right now, but we'll send an officer when we can."

A minute later the guy calls back and says, "I just called about burglars in my shed. Don't worry about it, I went out and shot them. My dogs are chewing on the bodies now," and he hangs up.

Three minutes later the house is surrounded by squad cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter overhead and an ambulance. They catch the burglars and put them under arrest. One of the cops says, "I thought you said you shot them!"

The guys retorts, "I thought you said nobody was available!"

A powerful tornado tore through our town last night. So far, eight bodies have been found.

Plot twister. It only damaged the graveyard.

A helicopter crashes in a graveyard...

the police recovered 300 bodies.

Breaking news

This morning saw what will probably become the worst air disaster in the Midwest. An ultralight single-seater plane crashed into a cemetery in Stockholm, Wisconsin. So far, the search and rescue teams have recovered 1736 bodies and as the digging continues into the night, we can only expect that number to climb.

Why dont anteaters get sick?

Because they are filled with anty bodies.

A mortician was working late one night...

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen!

I'm sorry Mr. Sam, said the mortician, but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity.

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.

I have something to show you that you won't believe, he said, and opened his briefcase.

Oh, my God! she screamed, Sam is dead!

My car got stolen yesterday !!

I thought of calling the cops but then realized it was better not to call them and let the car thief take care of the dead bodies in my trunk.

Did you hear about the airplane that crashed into a cemetery?

They recovered 12,000 bodies.

What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull?

A dog that is smart enough to bury the bodies.

Helicopter crash

A helicopter crashed today over a cemetery on the outskirts of the city. So far the authorities have recovered over 200 bodies.

Breaking news: A helicopter has crash landed into a cemetery in Ireland

The pilots didn't survive, and so far local police have recovered 956 bodies.

I've scoured the celestial bodies for humor.

The real joke's always in the comets.

Air tragedy in Newfoundland...

A two-seater single engine Cessna 152 crashed in foggy conditions near the Gander airport, crashing into the nearby cemetery.

Newfie rescue squads have recovered 385 bodies so far, and that number is expected to climb as digging continues.

What does a snowman have in common with an ocean?

They're both bodies of water!

I was planning to donate my body to science,

but then I realised science has plenty of bodies already.

So now I'm donating my brain to religion instead.

Why doesn't the mafia like elephants?

Bodies don't fit in the trunk.

They should play "Let the bodies hit the floor"

On Life Alert commercials.

A farmer gets a call from his son in prison...

They talk for a bit. The farmer mentions that times have been hard with his son not around, and that he's getting too old to dig up the field. The son responds back, "DAD! NO! That's where all of the bodies are hidden!" The FBI swarms the farm, digging up every inch of the field and the son calls back the next day, "Hey dad, that's the best I can do."

Sometimes I look out over the new construction in my city, old ground being dug up to make room for the new, and I think to myself:

I really should have buried the bodies somewhere else.

There are two kittens sitting on a steep roof. Which one falls off first?

the one with the smallest *mu*

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**Preemptive explanation:**

Coefficient of friction. The coefficient of friction (COF), often symbolized by the Greek letter ยต (pronounced *mew*), is a dimensionless scalar value which describes the ratio of the force of friction between two bodies and the force pressing them together.

Did you hear about the two-seater plane that crashed into the graveyard?

Over 50 bodies have been recovered. Which is odd, considering its a two seater plane.

If I ever become a serial killer I am going to dispose of my victim's bodies by throwing them into a bottomless pit

It's a floorless plan.

I was painting the house with my kids yesterday.

It was fun and all, but I wasn't sure where to hide the bodies.

Her: Wanna come over? Him: I can't, I have to get rid of some bodies

Her: My Parents aren't home
Him: I know

What does the chemistry teacher like to do with his dead bodies after he kills 'em?

Barium.

A guy tries to sell his first painting ever...

So he goes to an art dealer to show it to him.

"What is it titled?" - the dealer asks.

"Me at the bar, drinking."

"But all I see is two nude bodies. Who are they?"

"My neighbor and my wife, f\*cking"

"And where are you?"

"At the bar, drinking."

A helicopter crashed into a cemetary

So far 2 survivors and 300 bodies have been found.

A friend told me he was walking by a cemetery last night.

A friend told me he was walking by a cemetery last night, and claimed he witnessed the gravedigger handing over several bodies to a shady-looking man wearing a trench coat.

"Hmmm, seems unlikely," I said. "are you sure that's what you saw?"

"Absolutely," he replied. "It was a dead giveaway."

Everyone knew it was the Spanish train operator who was behind the dead bodies hidden at the train station.

He always had a locomotive.

Fun Fact: A male chameleons tongue is 1-1.5 times their bodies length and can fire in & out really fast.

Another fun fact: female chameleons are very happy.

I got super freaked out when I saw 2 dead bodies hanging in my closet

I was relieved when I remembered I had just installed a mirror in there.

Hey girl, are you a white dwarf?

Because you're one of the hottest bodies in the observable universe. (It's only natural for a star)

BREAKING: Helicopter crash in a New Jersey cemetery

300 dead bodies recovered so far

I just moved 30 feet north!

I really hope nobody find the rest of the bodies though...

Alright, dammit. Native American jokes it is.

"Father, tell me again about how we get our names."

"Well, in our tribe we name our children after the cause of their birth. You sister is named 'Beautiful Doe' because your mother saw a deer so lovely that she came to me passionately. Your brother is named 'Deep Snow' because the storm was so bad your mother and I needed to share our bodies to stay warm."

"Okay father, I understand."

"I'm glad you understand, but why do you ask me this question so often, Broken Condom?"

TIL about a method of capital punishment called the Roman Candle. Victims were tied to a stake and covered in a flammable resin. The burning bodies would sometimes be used to provide lighting for evening parties.

Great idea; terrible execution.

What do Nicki Minaj and the Philadelphia police department have in common?

Reclaiming black bodies.

Why I don't trust joggers?

Well, they are usually the ones to find the dead bodies.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette...

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are stranded on an island. The natives there capture them and tell them that they're going to use their bodies to make boats to get out of there. Before killing them though, they'll grant them each one wish.

The redhead wishes to be spared and allowed to go home, so keep their word and allow her to do so.

The brunette wishes for the exact same thing, and again, they keep their promise.

The blonde wishes for a fork. She takes the fork and stabs herself all over with it and says, "HA! Now your boat will sink!"

What does the hipster serial killer do?

Has sex with the bodies before they're cool.

Did you hear about helicopter that crashed into that graveyard?

Police have so far recovered 54 bodies

BREAKING NEWS: A small, four-seater Cessna has crashed into the Smithville cemetery...

Emergency crews have recovered 236 bodies so far, with more expected as rescue efforts continue into tomorrow.

I hired a prostitute to indulge my food fetish.

She said that for $500 we could spend the night licking food off each other's bodies, although if I wanted guacamole it was $1.80 extra.

Two elks ran past me and I saw some leeches on their bodies.

They were hanging on for deer life.

A man lives on a farm, he writes to his son in prison

A man lives on a farm, he writes to his son in prison -

"I can't grow potatoes this year. I'm too old to be digging up the field."

Soon he gets a letter back from his son. -

"You can't dig in the field, that's where I buried the bodies!"

The next morning, people came from the police. They dug up the entire field but found nothing.

Soon the farmer gets another letter from his son. -

"Now Dad, you can grow potatoes. It was the best I could do from here."

I can't stand stuck up bodies of water

It's like get over yourself, Lake Superior

What is Galileo's favorite song?

Let The Bodies Hit the Floor.

Fairly Dry, Fairly Dark

I honestly don't think people should be covering up their bodies. I don't think people should hide their bodies away from society. No. I think that people need to dispose of their bodies safely, with Lye or perhaps some sort of Acid. Because really, any evidence is too much evidence these days.

A really twisted joke

What do Ted Bundy and the Space Shuttle Colombia have in common?

They both left bodies in four states.

You know, they're making the prospective Mars astronauts shave their whole bodies prior to departure. That way, when it's time for blastoff...

they'll baldly go where no man has gone before.

Fire fighters throw the best parties.

They've got a lot of hose with smoking hot bodies.

What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a Lamborghini?

One of them I don't have in my garage.

Did you know that non vaxxed kids had super abilities?

Their bodies are way more sensible to environmental exposure, and they can hear a sneeze from miles away.

Why do Sumo Wrestler's shave their bodies?

So that they don't get mistaken for feminists

Hear about that helicopter that crashed into a Newfoundland cemetery?

So far they've recovered over 80 bodies.

How to make Bodies jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Bodies to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Bodies? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Bodies pick up lines to share with friends.

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