Bob Hope Jokes

What are some Bob Hope jokes?

A man got a text from his neighbor: "I'm so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.

I've been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."

The man anguished and betrayed, went into his room, grabbed his gun and without a word, shot his wife.

A couple of seconds later, another text arrived.
'Fucking auto correct, I meant "wifi", not "wife"'

One day Bob gets a text from his neighbor...

The text reads: "Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt about something and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you aren't home. Probably more than you, honestly. I know its no excuse, but I don't get it at home. But now, I can't live with this guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."



Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.


Moments later Bob gets a second text from his neighbor: "Sorry, really should use spell check! That should be 'wifi'."

Edit for clarity.

A guy texts his neighbor...

A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor:

"Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."

Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.

Moments later the guy gets a second text: "Really should use spell check! That should be "wifi"."

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.

Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.

God please don't kill Kevin Bacon.

there was a time when there was Johnny Cash, Steve Jobs and Bob Hope.

now there is no Cash, no Jobs, and no Hope. please dont let Kevin Bacon die.

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope, and no Jobs.

Please, do not let Kevin Bacon die.

Source: The Bluegrass Grill and Bakery in Charlottesville, VA.

How bad is the economy?

Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Today we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.

Probably too soon to update this, but here goes anyway. . .

Twenty years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Aretha Franklin. Now we have no jobs, no hope, no cash, and no soul.

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs.

Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs.

Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.

We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope.

(OC Joke) Why do we call the .pdf files P D F?

(OC) I was thinking the other day about *.pdf files. We always call them P D F, like the letters. We have *.jpegs, I have heard people say *.png and *.dll as ping and dull files, but not *.pdf.

Well, if we did, you could hear someone say, "Hey Bob, I sent you the Piddif-files. Hope you like them!"

How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?

"With jam in!"

What did he say to his friend who asked for one?

"I hope you like jam in too!"

How to make Bob Hope jokes?

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