Boats Jokes

95 boats jokes and hilarious boats puns to laugh out loud. Read vehicle jokes about boats that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Boats Short Jokes

Short boats jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The boats humour may include short ship jokes also.

  1. 3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do? They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
  2. There are 3 men on a boat and 4 cigarettes, they don't have a lighter, how do they smoke? they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter.
  3. I bought a sail for my boat on amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late. That sail has shipped.
  4. Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
  5. Before my operation, the anaesthesiologists asked if I wanted to be knocked out via gas or boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation.
  6. I took my finger out of her hole, and in seconds she was going down on me. I thought to myself, Man. I am really gonna miss this boat.
  7. TIL why scuba divers fall backwards into the water Because if they fall forward, they would land in the boat.
  8. Nobody was scared when the clown invasion started at the beach I mean, it's just one boat they said. How bad can it be? .
  9. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  10. Three men were on a boat. All together, they had four cigarettes; However, no one brought any matches. They threw one cigarette overboard, which caused the whole boat to become a cigarette lighter.

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Boats One Liners

Which boats one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with boats? I can suggest the ones about boating and yacht.

  1. I built a 1:1000000 model of a German submarine. It's a pretty good µ-boat.
  2. I started a boat business in the attic. The sails are going through the roof
  3. Amish men can't motorboat their wives. They can only row boat them.
  4. What did the dentist name his boat? The Tooth Ferry
  5. TIFU by climbing into a German U-Boat Whoops. Wrong sub.
  6. If your boat turns upside down you can wear it on your head It's capsized.
  7. I'm sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice. . My gondolences
  8. Got dumped because she said I was obsessed with boat puns Canoe believe that?
  9. How do you get a blind man to see? By boat.
  10. When rowing a boat, do you use the left paddle or the right paddle? Either oar.
  11. Where do sick boats go? the dock!!
  12. Why does the north Korean navy have glass bottom boats? So they can see their air Force.
  13. What happens when an alligator drives a boat? He becomes a navigator
  14. What do you call a boat full of mean potatoes? A dictatorship
  15. What did the water say to the boat? Nothing. It just waved.

Boats joke, What did the water say to the boat?

Cheerful Fun Boats Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about boats you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fishing boat jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make boats pranks.

Why did the New Polish Navy build boats with glass bottoms?

To see the Old Polish Navy

My friend is an avid collector of models of famous boats. He just called up the nice lady at the local hobby shop and she was able to find him a small model of the Concordia cruise ship, but she only had the one.

She said she'd put it 'aside' for him

Why do scuba divers throw themselves backwards off of boats?

Because if they threw themselves forwards they would land in the boat.

Where do boats go when they're sick?

The Doc

Why couldn't the physicist understand how boats work?

He thought nothing could possibly travel faster than sea.

Where do mice park their boats?

At the Hickory Dickory Dock!

A lawyer, priest, and social worker are on a ship that hits an iceberg...

The captain comes over the intercom: "Everyone please make your way to the lifeboats".
The social worker yells out: "Women & children first!"
The lawyer starts pushing his way towards the boats: "Screw the children!"
The priest responds: "Do we have time?"

What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?

One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!

Wives are like boats.

Happy the day you get one. Happier the day you get rid of it.

How are one out of three American Boats born?

By Sea-Section.

Ooooh it's ever so sad

At a boat rental company, the radio operator said into the microphone: "boat 99, your hour is up, please head in."
An employee walks up to him and says: "We only have 75 boats, sir there is no boat 99."
The radio operator says: "Boat 66, are you in trouble?"

A catholic priest, Baptist minister, and a rabbi are on a cruise ship

When the ship begins to sink. They are making their way to the life boats when they notice that there are a bunch of un-escorted kids standing there. The Baptist minster says to the others, "what about the children?"
The rabbi says,"f**... the children."
The catholic priest asks, "do we have time for that?"

Why are boats being driven into the side of the lake?

It's ram a dam

Why did the boat dock with the all of the other boats?

Pier Pressure

A man and his wife built a boat...

They called it the *Alfred1*, after a friend of theirs. However, it was poorly constructed and sank immediately.
They continued to try to build seaworthy vessels, but the same thing happened over and over. With the *Brian2*, the *Chris3*, and the *Daniel4*.
"We're really not very good at this," the man said in disgust. "How do boats even work?"
"I don't know, but we'll figure it out," replied his wife. "We need an *ELI5*."

Olympic Results for Sailing are out:

The British have taken the Gold medal.
The French have taken the Silver medal.
The Somalians have taken the boats.

Did you hear about the old man selling boats in the attic?

The sails were going through the roof.

Snakes on a Plane

I arrived at my friend's house and saw he was watching a movie.
"What are you watching?"
"Snakes on a Plane."
"What's it about?"
He turns away from the screen and looks me straight in the eyes before he continues.
"Horses on boats."

Women are like boats

I'd rather pay for the occasional ride than go through the hassle of having my own.

There are two boats (tankers) about to collide at sea.

One is filled with purple paint, the other with red paint.
They collide...
All the survivors were marooned.

I have a boat that beats all other boats in races...

... It's a champion ship.

A man was drowning in a river

...a boat comes and asks of he needs any help.
He responds, "No, god will save me."
The boat leaves and another one comes by asking the same thing.
The man declines again and says, "No, God will save me."
The man drowns and goes to heaven. He asks God, "Why didn't you save me?"
God replies, "I sent you two boats and you refused..."

Do you know why scuba divers roll backwards off boats?

Because if they rolled forward they would just go into the boat

The spaces at the bottom of boats are really funny

They're hull-areas

Why did the polish navy start putting glass floors on their boats?

So every time they went out to sea, they could look at their old ships.

A cruise ship sinks in the middle of the sea...

The people on the ship manage to escape on life boats. A woman comes to the captain and asks him: "How far is the closest land?"
The captain answers :"3 km."
The woman says after: "In which direction?", to which the captain replied :"Down"

What is a pirates favorite toy??

Aarrrh sea boats.

I used to have such a bad fear of boats

Luckily, that ship has sailed.

The reason why Scuba-divers dive backwards

is because they'll just hit their heads in their boats if they dive forward.

Why did the US Navy gift the British Navy glass-bottomed boats?

So they could see the old British Navy!

I was walking through a harbour.....

When a man in a suit with a clipboard told me they were having a sale on boats.
Well obviously. How else would a boat work if it didn't have a sail?

Why does the Italian Navy have glass bottom boats?

To see the old Italian Navy

What kind of stories do big boats tell little boats?

Ferry tales

A Catholic priest was drowning......

A Catholic priest was drowning in a ocean when suddenly a boat supported and asked the priest " do you need some help? You are drowning!""
He replied "No thank you God will save me"
Then another boat came and asked the priest " do you need some help? You are drowning!"
He replied "No thank you God will save me"
Then the priest died and asked God " God I believed in you why didn't you save me?"
To which god replied "I sent you 2 boats you d**..."

Where do sick boats go?

If you live near the coast, the harbor is often the best place to go shopping.

They often have really good sails on boats.

Why does Norway have barcodes on their boats?

So they can Scandinavian.

God Will Save Me

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!"

A high Tide floats all boats...

and drowns all Bulldawgs.

What do vaginas and row boats have in common?

Both can't get anywhere without a few strokes

How did the Ancient Egyptians secure their Boats?

With an Ankhor

Why does Norway put bar codes on the side of their boats?

So when they come back they can Scandinavian

I watched a documentary on how they make boats.

It was rivetting

Where do you moor two boats that contradict each other?

A paradox

Why do they put protection buoys on boats during docking?

To protect it from pier pressure.

Where do boats go when they get sick?

To the dock.
Where to army boats go when they get sick?

My wife is so immature..

When I'm taking a bath she sinks all my boats!

Why do Nordic boats have barcodes on them?

So after they get back from war, they can Scandinavian.

What is a pirates favorite toy these days?

AAAArhhhh/C boats.

To earn extra money, I started a home-based business building small boats in my attic ...

Business was really slow until I switched to larger vessels, and now sails are through the roof!

How do boats reproduce if they are all girls?

They are covered in s**....

Why don't boats like it when Steve Rogers stares at them?

Cap's eyes

"I can't figure out how you were able to get twice as many boats to fit in the marina..."

It's a paradox.

A young man wants to join the Navy. "Can you swim?" the recruiter asks him.

"Why, don't you have boats?"

I just watched a documentary about how boats are put together.


Did you hear about the new electronics store that caters to boats, jet skis and other watercraft?

It's called Best Buoy.

Why do Swedish boats have barcodes on the side?

So they can Scandinavian.

another french joke

Why does the new French navy have glass-bottomed boats?

So they can see the old French navy.

My wife is so immature

My wife is so immature. I'm at home in the bath and she'd come in whenever she felt like it and sink all my boats.

A lawyer, a priest and a doctor are all on a ship filled with children and it begins to sink.

They all jump into the life boats, but due to the weight, the life boats start sinking as well.
The doctor exclaims Save the children! And begins to jump out of the lifeboat.
The lawyer grabs the doctor and pulls him back stating Screw the children!
The priest says Do we have time?

Why do Norwegian boats have barcodes on them? (Old but gold)

To Scandinavyin

A man was in the middle of the ocean and about to drown.

A boat came and the man on the boat said, "Come on board if you want to live."
The man declined and said, "Don't worry, God will save me."
The boat left.
Another boat arrived and the man on the boat said, "You are about to die, get on the boat."
The man declined and said, "Don't worry, God will save me."
The boat left and the man drowned.
In heaven, the man asked God a question, "Why didn't you save me?"
God said, "You d**... I gave you 2 boats."

My neighbour

My neighbour started a new business making boats in his attic.
The sails are through the roof.

Did you know that Danish boats are given barcodes when they leave ports?

So when they come back, they can Scan-di-navy-in

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 81, your two hour rental period is up, please return to the dock.

Boat rental intern to manager: uh, sir, we only have 60 boats.
Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 18, do you require assistance?

Come in number 9, your time is up.

Boss, we've only got 8 boats.
Number 6, are you in trouble?

Why are portholes/windows in boats round?

So the water doesn't hit the sailors square in the face!

Americans like to fish by shooting guns at big groups of fish from their boats.

They call it "School Shootings".

Where do boats go when they're sick?

To the boat doc.

my wife was so immature..

i'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink all my boats

My boss said he races boats

So I said, Wow, you must be a fast swimmer!

Why did the Second Italian Navy have glass bottom boats?

So they could see the First Italian Navy

Where do the boats go when they're sick?

The doc.
(I worked at a laser tag arena for 6 years and have been relayed dad jokes by offspring a many a times, this one was 4 years old)

I'm selling boats out of my attic

And my Sails are through the roof

Why do divers fall backwards off of boats?

Because if they fell forward they'd bang their heads on the deck.

Why does the new Russian Navy have glass bottom boats?

So they can see the old Russian Navy.

Why shouldn't boats hit certain islands?

It takes atoll on them.

Why can't cats drive boats in Germany?

Because it's Fur Boatin'

Boats joke, Why can't cats drive boats in Germany?

jokes about boats