Boarding House Jokes
20 boarding house jokes and hilarious boarding house puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about boarding house that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Boarding House Short Jokes
Short boarding house jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The boarding house humour may include short house keeping jokes also.
- Jesus walks into a boarding house.... Jesus walks into a boarding house. He puts three nails down on the counter and asks "Can you put me up for the night?"
- What did the burnt down house say to the switch board? *There was a definite spark between us*
- My house is haunted by Nintendo characters. I knew I shouldn't have fooled around with that Luigi board.
- Apparently, American construction workers use wood in building houses as a challenge. Or maybe they just got too board.
- Dear Ouji board, is this house haunted? Ouji board: M Y B R O T H E R H A S A L W A Y S B E E N M O R E P O P U L A R T H A N M E.
Me: d**..., this is a Luigi board
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Boarding House One Liners
Which boarding house one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with boarding house? I can suggest the ones about outhouse and friends house.
- I wanted to build a house but I stopped after the first lumber delivery. I got board.
- You know you're in a bad neighborhood... when the dog-houses are boarded up.
- I just put up a white board in my house... wanted to make the place a bit more classy
Boarding House Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about boarding house you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog house jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make boarding house pranks.
The teacher asks all the students to draw something on the board that's exciting...
All the other kids draw rockets, jet planes, roller coasters, and so on. But little Johnny goes up to the board, draws a dot, and sits down.
The teacher says "Johnny, there's nothing exciting about a dot. How can a dot cause excitement?"
Johnny replies "That's not a dot, it's a period, and my sister just missed hers, and it's causing a lot of excitement at our house!"
Donkey screws a girl
A new circus rolls into New York. Despite the new and wonderful acts, the circus keeps running at half-house.
Worried about his fortunes, the circus owner erects a board saying, 'Never seen before Act, at an invitational price of $69.... Donkey Screws a Girl'
As predicted, the show quickly sells out and the tent is packed to standing capacity....
The ringmaster walks in with a skimpily cladded female performer and a Donkey who looks capable of serious damage....followed by a clown carrying a covered tray.
The crowd goes wild as the performers take centre-stage..
The ringmaster then uncovers the tray with a flourish saying, 'Gentlemen, I present to you... Donkey, Screws, A Girl'
Three neighboring sentient trees, an oak a maple, and an elm are cut down in the forest
They are taken to a local saw mill and turned into boards for housing. Miraculously wood from all three trees is used to build a roof on a barn. The oak is turned into a sturdy beam in the center of the roof, and despite the cutting and processing of the wood, thinks he can recognize the boards that became the maple and the elm being nailed together above him. Unsure however he asks
Haven't I seen you two by four?
A man and his daughter are traveling through the countryside.
The man and his daughter are riding on a horse powered wagon with $10,000 on board. Suddenly a mugger runs up to them and says ,"Give me everything!". As the man and daughter watches the mugger ride off with their belongings, the man says, "Dang, there goes my $10,000" when his daughter taps him on the shoulder and says "Look pa, I managed to hide your money in my mouth! It's right here!". "Goly!" says the man. "If only your ma was here, we could have saved the House and wagon too!"
A couple wants to have s**... but their son is in the house.
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "q**... " with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities...
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason is on his skate board!"
After a few moments he announced... "The Coopers are having s**....
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously called out..."How do you know they're having s**...?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."
Did you hear the joke about the UPS guy?
So one day a UPS worker, Jim, gets an unusually large box to bring on his daily route. He checks the address, which was not in his assigned area. However, without thinking much of it, he starts driving there. As he pulls up to the curb he sees that the house looks deserted, with boarded up windows and a dead tree in the yard. Despite a little bit of superstitious fear, he manages to get the box to the door.
When he rings the doorbell, he hears a creaking from inside the house. When the door opens, there is no one there.
Timidly he says "H..hello? Is anyone there?"
Just as he finishes saying that a---
No, no, no, I can't say the punchline, I'm not very good at telling jokes.
This one is really all about the delivery.
Worms in the hole
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
Earthworm
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
Why God?
One day it began to rain very hard. It rained for hours. There was a man standing outside his house in the rain praying.
When the rain was up to his knees a canoe came by. The people in the boat told him to get on board before he drowned. The man replied "don't worry God will save me."
When the rain was up to his waist a small boat came by. The people in the boat told him to get on board before he drowned. The man replied "don't worry God will save me."
When the water was up to his neck a larger boat came by. The people on the boat told him to get on board before he drowned. The man replied "don't worry God will save me."
Eventually the water went over his head and he drowned. When he got to heaven he asked God why God didn't save him. God then responded "What are you talking about, I sent a canoe, a small boat, and a large boat to save you."