Board Jokes
160 board jokes and hilarious board puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about board that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This lighthearted article reveals hilarious jokes about all kinds of boards: from the mundane ironing board and cutting board to the more unique letter board and paddle board. Whether you're a fan of the classic board game or the dreaded Homeowners Association (HOA) board, these jokes are sure to bring a chuckle or two. Chalk up some humor and strut your way to laughter!
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Funniest Board Short Jokes
Short board jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The board humour may include short deck jokes also.
- a guy got an interview for a job with EA Boss: the second part of your resume is missing
Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$
Boss: welcome on board - Of all the inventions of the last 100 years... the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable
- There should be a millennial edition of monopoly where you just walk around the board paying rent, never able to buy anything.
- Yesterday I robbed the oversized board game store It was a huge Risk that I was willing to take
- I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday it was a risk I was willing to take
- Me: *Playing Ouija board* Me: What's your name?
Ouija Board: I H A V E A B O Y F R I E N D - Well, OJ has been paroled. The spokesperson for the parole board that granted him his new freedom said they "decided to give him another stab at it."
- "Sir, you'll need to leave, you can't pee in the pool." "But everyone pees in the pool!"
"Yes, but not from the diving board." - I tried asking a Ouija Board for the name of my future wife. The planchette kept moving from H to A and back. What kind of name is Hahaha?
- I tried donating two classic board games to a thrift store, but they said they could only take one. I asked which one they wanted and they said... Sorry. We don't want any Trouble.
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Board One Liners
Which board one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with board? I can suggest the ones about panel and desk.
- How do you talk with a COVID denier with an Ouija board
- What do you call a committee of emo kids? A cutting board
- I love dry erase boards. They're remarkable.
- I just got a new dry erase board it's remarkable!
- I like Ouija boards It's the only game I can still play with grandma.
- How do you talk to a dead Italian? with a luigi board
- If there's one thing that makes me throw up It's a dart board on a ceiling
- What do you guys think of message boards? ....I'm all forum.
- What is Canada's national board game? Sorry
- I was asked to help design the first Monopoly board... I thought, I'll give it a Go.
- What did Mr. T say after throwing five $10 bills off the diving board? I fitty da pool!
- How do you find changelings on board Deep Space Nine? With an Odometer.
- I know a friend who keeps stealing board games... He's such a risk taker
- What does a Muslim train conductor say before he starts his train? ALLAH BOARD!
- What do you call a clean white board? Remarkable!
Board Game Jokes
Here is a list of funny board game jokes and even better board game puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I wasn't allowed to bring my board game onto the airplane They told me the risk was too big.
- I have now stolen 56 copies of the board game "Risk" from local retailers. When they eventually catch me, I'll say "Life is all about taking Risks."
- My wife told me that if i buy another board game she will dump me Maybe i shouldn't take that risk
- I found out my wife has been playing board games with another man. Turns out she's monopolyamorous.
- A man and his wife play a board game, the man beats her. Because she won.
- I'm a kleptomaniac with a proclivity for stealing strategy board games. I like to take risks.
- I didn't know which board game to buy, so I chose at random... It was worth taking the risk.
- I was seriously considering stealing a military strategy board game from the store yesterday... ...but i didnt. Im not much of a Risk taker.
- What's a Liberal Arts Major's Favorite Board Game?...... Trivial Pursuit.
- I was playing a board game with my friends when I noticed some important pieces of the game were missing. I asked my friend, " Are you the game owner?"
He said, "I moan but I'm straight"
Diving Board Jokes
Here is a list of funny diving board jokes and even better diving board puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I got kicked out of a pool for peeing in it The lifeguard started yelling, telling me to stop.
"But all the little kids do it too!" I yelled back.
"But not while standing on the diving board!" - Why am I being banned from the pool?! Because you're peeing in it.
But everyone pees in the pool!
Yes, but not from the diving board. - Pee in the pool and nobody bats an eye Do it from the diving board and everyone loses their minds
- Jacob was at his neighbourhood community swimming pool. Lifeguard: Jacob! Stop Peeing in the pool!
Jacob: But everyone does it!?
Lifeguard: Yes, but not when on the DIVING BOARD. - Me and the wife are getting swimming costumes I'm going as a diving board
- How did the hipster break his neck? He jump off the diving board before it was pool.
Notice Board Jokes
Here is a list of funny notice board jokes and even better notice board puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend with very dry lips caused his flight to make an emergency landing. Crew members took action when they noticed he had boarded the plane with a balm.
Board Meetings Jokes
Here is a list of funny board meetings jokes and even better board meetings puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In desperation I've been trying to meet girls through my Ouija Board But they keep ghosting me
- I had a conversation about wood with a few people It was a board meeting.
- A luddite kickstarter company was sued for racial discrimination -- even before their first planning meeting. They promised investors to only ever use a white board.
- We recently had a board meeting to talk about the foundation of our company... Turns out we need more Two by Fours.
- I think my boss forgot my name I arrived at the board meeting and was almost late. My boss announced me as I came in calling me Justin Time.
- How do you set up a board meeting with five black people? Pull up three chairs
- If a group of fish have a board meeting Is it a-fish-shoal?
Hilarious Fun Board Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about board you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean card jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make board pranks.
A 2nd grade class just gets in from recess...
The teacher tells the class they're going to do a spelling assignment that relates to what they did for recess. "If you can come up to the board and write the word I give you, you'll get a gold star for the day," the teacher explains. "Tommy, what'd you do for recess?" she asks the first student. "Well," Tommy begins, "I played in the sand box with Suzy!" "Okay great. If you can come to the board and spell the word 'sand' I'll give you a gold star." So Tommy goes up to the board, spells 'sand' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks Suzy, "Suzy, what'd you do for recess today?" So Suzy answers, "like Tommy said, we played in the sand box together." "Okay," the teacher thinks, "if you can come up to the board and spell 'box' I'll give you a gold star. So Suzy spells 'box' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks the third student, "Tyrone, what'd you do for recess today?" "Well I wanted to play in the sand box with Tommy and Suzy but they wouldn't let me," Tyrone answers. "Oh no!" says the teacher, "That's terrible! Do you know what that's called? That's called 'racial discrimination.' If you can come up to the board and spell 'racial discrimination' I'll give you a gold star."
Did you hear about the plane that crashed on the way to the ginger convention?
Thankfully there were no souls on board.
Jenga Towers
At Highschool we have a test every week and my teacher lets the person with the highest score bring in their favourite board game. For years, my favourite game has been Jenga, the falling towers game.
So on friday the 8th in the first week of September I finally get the highest score and the teacher tells me I can bring in a board game on monday.
mfw I walk into class on 9/11 with Jenga and I'm a muslim...
Lawyers and Engineers
Three lawyers and three engineers are at a train station on their way to a conference. The lawyers line up and buy three tickets, but the engineers only buy one ticket between the three of them. The lawyers are confused, and ask how the engineers plan on taking the train with only one ticket. The engineers just tell them to wait and see.
So they all board the train. The lawyers each take a seat, but the engineers all crowd in to a bathroom. The train starts moving and the conductor comes around punching tickets. He punches each of the lawyers' tickets, and then knocks on the bathroom door and says "Ticket please!" The engineers crack open the door and slide out the one ticket, which the conductor punches and then slides back through the door.
The lawyers think this is pretty clever, so on the return trip, they buy one ticket for the three of them, but then the engineers don't buy any tickets at all. The lawyers ask how the engineers plan on taking the train without any tickets, and the engineers just tell them to wait and see.
So once again they board the train. The three lawyers crowd into one bathroom, and the three engineers crowd into another bathroom. Once the train starts moving, one of the engineers exits the bathroom, knocks on the door of the lawyers' bathroom, and says "Ticket please!"
The Montana Department of Employment
The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.
Blonde Inventions
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlight
Submarine screen door
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart board
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chair
Water proof tea bags
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
the newlyweds go to the hotel swimming pool...
The guy goes to the diving board and performs a 2 1/2 sommersaults with 2 twists backwards.
-"Whoa, that was impressive," says the wife when the man comes back.
-"I was a double medallist in London olympics, dear".
So the woman dives in and does 90 lenghts of the pool in 2 1/2 minutes.
-"Baby, that WAS impressive", says the husband.
-"I was a p**... in Venice, dear"
An Atheist tourist was walking around Belfast ...
An Atheist tourist was walking around Belfast and noticed all the community centre events for either Catholics or Protestants. After checking out yet another board, he asked a staff member:
Atheist: "What do you do in this town if you're an Atheist?"
Staff member: "Well sir, that depends on whether you're a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist."
What did people say when the inventor of the Dry Erase Board showed off his new invention.
That's Remarkable!
Terrible joke, came to me on the toilet early, but I had to say it. And it's also likely be told in some form before.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is a k**... member's favorite board game?
CROSS fire
Dear Board of Education,
So are we.
Sincerely,
Students
Larry at the police station
Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "
Little Jimmy at the Pool
Jennifer the lifeguard tells Jimmy to stop peeing in the pool. Little 6 year old Jimmy replies that everbody pees in the pool. Jennifer says that yes people do, but not from the diving board...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand
The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an auditor to investigate him.
Auditor: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg r**... and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
Auditor: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?"
The owners of a micro-brewery are sitting around a table having their monthly board meeting.
The accountant stands up and says "So, let's see, this month, we lost ... hmm... hmm... Hey! Does anybody have a black pen?"
The CEO says "I can go buy one."
The accountant replies "Yeah, but then we won't need it anymore."
Why did the chicken get an ouija board?
To contact those who had crossed over to the other side.
A lifeguard blows his whistle at a little boy and asks him to come over...
He says to the boy, "Hey, you're not allowed to pee in the pool."
"That's not fair!" says the boy, "There must be dozens of people peeing in the pool every day! Why do you gotta pick on me?"
The lifeguard says, "Well most people don't do it off the diving board."
Bill Gates: "Why don't you tell me why Bing failed"
Bill gates: So why don't you tell me why Bing failed.
Board: We feel there was a public nescience towards Bing.
Bill gates: Nescience? Let me Goog- Oh I see what you mean.
A Russian, visiting the USA, went for an eye check up
A Russian, visiting the USA, went for an eye check up.
The Doctor shows the letters on the board:
CZWXNQSTAZKY
Doctor: Can you read this ?
Russian: Read ??? I even know the guy, he's my cousin.
Why wouldn't the airline allow the vulture to board his flight?
#Because of the horrible stench coming from his carrion luggage.
*I deserve any and all insulting comments I will get for this joke, I make no excuses for myself and should probably be ashamed.*
*
I caught my wife cheating with my best friend.
She was upset that I was always beating her, and he was jealous of how much money and property I had.
I was so angry when I caught them that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.
The teacher asks all the students to draw something on the board that's exciting...
All the other kids draw rockets, jet planes, roller coasters, and so on. But little Johnny goes up to the board, draws a dot, and sits down.
The teacher says "Johnny, there's nothing exciting about a dot. How can a dot cause excitement?"
Johnny replies "That's not a dot, it's a period, and my sister just missed hers, and it's causing a lot of excitement at our house!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's show and tell day...
In kindergarten class, and its Johnny's turn. He goes up to the board and puts a dot.
"What's that, Johnny?" The teacher asks.
"It's a period," replies Johnny.
"What's so special about a period Johnny?" she asks.
"I have no idea, but my sister missed one, so my dad starting yelling, mom started crying, and the guy next door shot himself."
What do you get when you breed an elephant with a rhino?
A visit from the university board of ethics.
A woman has a heart attack in a plane.
The stewardess asks "Is there a doctor on board?".
A person comes forward and announces "I'm a vegan."
How did the electron board the train?
It lepton
A flight from Dublin to Boston
Shortly after I took off on an Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston a few weeks ago, the air hostess nervously announced that the catering department had made a terrible mistake. A big mix up she said. Although 226 passengers were on board they received only 80 dinners. She apologised, but said that anybody kind enough to give up their meal would receive unlimited free drinks for the remainder of the flight. The next announcement came 2 hours later when she said, "If anybody is hungry, we still have 80 dinners available".
Can I talk to my son?
A father was nervously waiting for the risky surgery of his son to end. When he saw the doctor come out of the operating room he asked him: Doctor, could I talk to my son? So the doctor reassuringly responds: Of course. Nurse! Bring this man a ouija board!
I was throwing darts at wife's photo on dart board
and not even a single one hitting the target.
Wife entered, saw and asked, Honey! What are you doing?
Husband: Missing you.
And that's when the fight started…
I've been watching you urinate in the pool..
Lifeguard: I've been watching you, Mr. Jones, and you'll have to stop urinating in the pool.
Mr. Jones: But everybody urinates in the pool.
Lifeguard: From the diving board?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's h**...'s favorite board game?
Gas Who?
A child was recently forced to write on the chalk board until he died
He was sentenced to death
David calls up his brother Mike to schedule their annual family trip.
He tells him they're leaving Saturday to go to Detroit. Mike asks, "wait a minute, why Detroit?"
David answers, "Well, you know that thing old ladies do, where they set up a map on a dart board, and wherever it lands is where they go?"
Mike couldn't resist a chuckle, and says back to him "Yeah, i know that one."
"Well, I missed and hit the trash can."
Mario's brother died...
But he was still able to contact him through a Luigi board.
Someone asked my why I thought 'Planking' Died out...
I said because people became board with it.
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack.
If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
i**... is like a board game
It's fun for the whole family!
Back to the Drawing Board
(after the Apocalypse)
God: *sigh* "Ok. This time I'm going to make them all the same color.
The pilot and co-pilot are sitting in the cockpit of an airplane.
As they wait for the passengers to board, the pilot says to the co-pilot,
Why did you become a pilot?
To which the co-pilot replies, To overcome my greatest fear.
Flying? the pilot asks
No. says the co-pilot, Dying alone.
Checkmate Democrats
If teachers don't have arms, how are they supposed to write on the board?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Plane Full Of Ugly People Crashes
A plane full of ugly people crashes and everyone on board dies. The peoples' souls then go to heaven, where they are greeted by God at the gate. God tells them that he will grant each person one wish. The first person says, I want to be beautiful . God snapped his fingers and it happened. Then the second person wished for the same thing. This continues as each person in line wishes to be beautiful. God notices the last man in line laughing hysterically. When it came to be the man's turn he laughed and said, I wish all those people were ugly again.
*finds old Ouija board*
"I don't know guys, that stuff is dark--"
"What's the worst that could happen?"
"Spirits of the dead give us your message!"
W-E-H-A
"Guys--"
"Shut up"
W-E-H-A-V-E-U
"Guys--"
"Keep going"
W-E-H-A-V-E-U-P-D-A-T-E-D-O-U-R-P-R-I-V-A-C-Y-P-O-L-I-C-Y
The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board, so I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet,
The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawkings.
I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.
Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,
there is a stairway to heaven.
How do you talk to the ghost of a window washer?
With a Squeegee Board
What award does NASA give the astronauts that board their spacecraft particularly quickly?
The starship -enter-prize.
I hate seeing directors make the same movie. It gets boring, I guess I'm...
Board of directors
Bob Seger sits in a park with a tired-eyed old man. He's learning how to play chess.
After going over the layout and setup of the board, the old man begins a lesson on to the movement of the individual pieces.
Queens move in all directions, any distance. Kings are the same but with only one space. He didn't understand the knight, though.
Two in one direction, then one to the side.
Hm, funny how the knight moves.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why won't black people board cruise ships?
We're not falling for that b**... again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
I use a Ouija board as a chopping board
That's how I make my soul food.
what did the plank of wood say as it lay abandoned and immobile in a field for 50 years?
I'm board.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is planning on taking a vacation but is afraid of flying
He is afraid of someone b**... the plane, so he asks a statistician what the odds are of a bomb being on a plane. He says the odds are one in a million and he shouldn't worry about it.
He asks what the odds of 2 bombs being on the same plane are, and the statistician says the odds are so low it will probably never happen to anyone in the mans lifetime.
A month later they run into each other and the statistician asks if the man ever took his vacation. He says yes. The statistician asks how he got over his fear of flying and the mans says, it was easy. Every time I board a plane, I bring a bomb with me.
A gentleman is preparing to board a plane when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope starts a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, Excuse me, but would you know a four letter word ending in 'u-n-t' that refers to a woman?
Oh my god! the man thought. I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word. The gentleman thinks for quite a while, then it hits him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman says, I think the word you're looking for is 'Aunt'.
Oh, of course! the Pope exclaims. Do you have an eraser?
I wrote this joke, tell me what you think.
A vulture was boarding an airplane but was stopped at the gate and told he couldn't board. They said his carrion was too large.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
God has a meeting with the board of Archangels. He turns to Archangel Joe.
G : "So where are you at with the punishment list for the 2020s??"
J : "All done"
G : "What?"
J : "Yeah, all the punishments for 2020 have been passed"
G : *facepalms* "That was supposed to be for the whole decade not one year you idiot."
[using Ouija board] "yo Brad, can you hear us?"
[Brad responding...]
*W*
*W*
*A*
*A*
*A*
*A*
*A*
*A*
*Z*
*Z*
*Z*
...
#
this is gonna take a while, Brad died in 1999.
![Board joke, [using Ouija board] "yo Brad, can you hear us?"](/images/jokes/board-jokes-how-do-you-talk-with-a-covid-deniern-n-with-an-oui.jpg "Board joke, [using Ouija board] \"yo Brad, can you hear us?\"")
