Blushing Jokes
31 blushing jokes and hilarious blushing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blushing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Blushing Short Jokes
Short blushing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blushing humour may include short blushes jokes also.
- I just realized that never is a contraction of 'not ever'. And blush is a contraction of 'blood rush'.
And studying is a contraction of 'student dying'. - Why did the woman blush when she opened her refrigerator? Because she saw the salad dressing.
I had never heard this until today. Made me chuckle a bit. - "I couldn't love anyone like you," I told my wife. "Aw, thanks," she blushed.
I'm glad she didn't understand me. - Today is the day when the moon looks upon earth. That's why it's blushing.
- The silver-tongued lover can always make a woman blush... ... because they're a practiced, cunning linguist.
- Why was Chicago blushing at the party? It's ShyTown
- The checkout girl blushed when she scanned my condoms. If only she knew what the cucumber was for.
- Why did the waves blush? Because the seaweed.
- I met this beautiful girl that just made me blush uncontrollably today. She pulled down my pants in the cafeteria and everyone laughed at my animal patterned underwear.
- From my 7 year old daughter, this morning: Dad, why was the Starbucks lady blushing? A: Because the coffee was *soooo* hot!
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Blushing One Liners
Which blushing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blushing? I can suggest the ones about make me blush and glowing.
- Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing.
- Why did the cucumber blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Why was the tomato blushing? He saw the salad dressing.
- Why did the weatherman blush? He saw the climate change
- Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing. - Why was the tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing!
- Why did Dr.Pepper blush? He received a Sunkist from his Crush
- Why did the DNA chain blush? It was part of his genetic makeup.
- Why did the tomato blush? Because he saw the salad dressing!
Have a good afternoon! - Why did the window blush? Because it could see the weather changing.
- Why did the octopus blush? He saw the bottom of the ocean
- Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because it saw the ocean's bottom. - Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing
- Why did the squirrel blush after he was hit by a car? He was flattered.
- Why did the tomato blush? Because it seen the Salad dressing ( I'll see myself out)
Comical Blushing Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about blushing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flirting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blushing pranks.
2 foreign immigrants have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,
''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
A Frenchman sees a poster in front of a bakery: Croissant €1. h**... €5
He enters the shop and sees a gorgeous young lady behind the counter. He then asks:
"Mademoiselle, are you the one that delivers the h**...?"
Very shy, the girl looks down, blushes and replies with a giggle:
"O-Oui monsieur, I am the one that gives the h**...".
The Frenchman immediately puts €5 on the counter and says:
"In this case wash your hands well, because I want 5 croissants"
Blonde walks into a...
A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."
A cute little girl walks into a pet store and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"
She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit."
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
So there's this man with a parrot.
And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a p**.... He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the t**..., shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct." She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."
A crusty old biker walls into a bar..
..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
Blushing
My gorgeous next door neighbor is a beginner gardener. I asked her how it was going so far.
She said,'I cant get my tomatoes to turn red like yours. Any advice?'
I said,"Every morning expose yourself to the tomatoes and you'll see they'll start blushing red.'
After a week of watching her expose her beautiful body to the tomatoes, I went over and asked her.'Any luck with the tomatoes?'
She said,"Not yet, but the cucumbers are enormous.'
A biker walks into a bar...
...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
A Beautiful Woman Loves Growing Tomatoes
A beautiful woman loves to garden, but can't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. She asks her neighbor, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?" He replies, "Twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much. "The woman decides to do the same thing. So twice a day for two weeks she exposes herself to the garden. Her neighbor asks, "How did it go? Did you tomatoes turn red?" "No," she replies, "but my cucumbers are enormous."
"Honey, do I look fat ?"
Asked the wife as she stood in front of the mirror.
"No, not at all..", the husband replied, "You look fabulous !!"
Wife, blushing, "Really ! Will you carry me to the fridge ? I want to eat some ice cream.. "
Husband, now visibly scared; "Don't you worry babe, just relax here ! I will just go get the fridge.. "
Big Feet
A lady goes into a bar and sees a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He has the biggest feet she's ever seen. The woman asks the cowboy if what they say about men with big feet is true. The cowboy replies, "Sure is, why don't you come back to my place and let me prove it?" The woman is curious, so she spends the night with him. When she sees him the next day, she hands the cowboy a $100 bill.
"I'm flattered," he says, blushing. "Nobody has ever paid me for my prowess before." "Well, don't be," the woman replies. "Take this money and go buy yourself some boots that fit!"
