Blushes Jokes
33 blushes jokes and hilarious blushes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blushes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Blushes Short Jokes
Short blushes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blushes humour may include short make me blush jokes also.
- I just realized that never is a contraction of 'not ever'. And blush is a contraction of 'blood rush'.
And studying is a contraction of 'student dying'. - Why did the woman blush when she opened her refrigerator? Because she saw the salad dressing.
I had never heard this until today. Made me chuckle a bit. - "I couldn't love anyone like you," I told my wife. "Aw, thanks," she blushed.
I'm glad she didn't understand me. - The silver-tongued lover can always make a woman blush... ... because they're a practiced, cunning linguist.
- The checkout girl blushed when she scanned my condoms. If only she knew what the cucumber was for.
- I met this beautiful girl that just made me blush uncontrollably today. She pulled down my pants in the cafeteria and everyone laughed at my animal patterned underwear.
- From my 7 year old daughter, this morning: Dad, why was the Starbucks lady blushing? A: Because the coffee was *soooo* hot!
- Best joke I've ever gotten from a gum wrapper. Q Why was the tomatoe blushing?
A Because it saw the salad dressing. - Why did the witch blush? Because she saw the teddy bear
- Why was number 4 blushing? She saw 2 and 3 halving six
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Blushes One Liners
Which blushes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blushes? I can suggest the ones about cheek and roses.
- Why did the cucumber blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Why did the weatherman blush? He saw the climate change
- Why did Dr.Pepper blush? He received a Sunkist from his Crush
- Why did the DNA chain blush? It was part of his genetic makeup.
- Why did the tomato blush? Because he saw the salad dressing!
Have a good afternoon! - Why did the window blush? Because it could see the weather changing.
- Why did the octopus blush? He saw the bottom of the ocean
- Why did the squirrel blush after he was hit by a car? He was flattered.
- Today is the day when the moon looks upon earth. That's why it's blushing.
- Why was Chicago blushing at the party? It's ShyTown
- Why did the waves blush? Because the seaweed.
- "Is your toilet blushing!?" "Nah, he's just flushed."
- Why did Lt Uhura blush? She saw Gene's Rod 'n' Berries.
- Chuck Norris kissed a girl once.
She's still blushing, we call her Sun. - One time Chuck Norris saluted an American flag and it blushed.
Hilarious Blushes Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about blushes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean blouse jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blushes pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Frenchman sees a poster in front of a bakery: Croissant €1. h**... €5
He enters the shop and sees a gorgeous young lady behind the counter. He then asks:
"Mademoiselle, are you the one that delivers the h**...?"
Very shy, the girl looks down, blushes and replies with a giggle:
"O-Oui monsieur, I am the one that gives the h**...".
The Frenchman immediately puts €5 on the counter and says:
"In this case wash your hands well, because I want 5 croissants"
A cute little girl walks into a pet store and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"
She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit."
The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct." She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."
Boyfriend and Girlfriend
Boyfriend and Girlfriend are sitting in their apartment, the boy is playing Xbox One.
Boy: Why do you look so sad?
Girl: ...
Boy: Turns of his Xbox one.
Girl: Why did you stop playing?
Boy: Because there is something much better than my Xbox.....
Girl: *Blushes*
Boy: Turns on PS4.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a s**... new teacher at school
In grammar class, she asks who can say a sentence including an expression of politeness. Naughty Johnny raises his hand.
'I would be most delighted to make out with you Miss Campbell... and bang you, too!'
Miss Campbell blushes and yells:
'Out!'
Naughty Johnny gets his things and walks towards the door, when suddenly Miss Campbell says:
'Not you... the others!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That's disgusting...
The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question."
The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye."
"Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct."
She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a Big disappointment."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A drunk guy goes to a party...
A drunk goes to a party, he w**... standing for a long time before he spots a cute girl siting on a chair. He goes over to her and says: "do you want to dance?"
She blushes and says yes
He says:"good, I'm gonna sit on your chair"
Thought I'd try translating a joke. Two foreigners are sailing to America for work.
Upon getting off the boat at the dock, one notices a hotdog stand. Sure, it sounds weird to them but they decide to try it.
As one unwraps the foil, he blushes and asks, Which part of the dog did you get?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is trying to avoid being conscripted.
He runs from his house as soldiers come for him. As he heads down the street, he sees a nun. He runs up to her and says "please sister, let me hide under your dress, I don't want to die in the war".
The nun takes pity on him and lets him hide under her dress. The soldiers pass them by. As he emerges, the man blushes and says to the nun "pardon my saying sister, but you have a lovely pair of legs."
The nun smiles and replies "if you looked a little higher, you would've seen a lovely pair of b**.... I don't want to die in the war either."
A man walks into a Pharmacy and asks for cyanide
Pharmacist : What do you need it for?
Man : I need to kill my wife.
Pharmacist : Sorry sir, I can't give you cyanide.
Man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a photo of his ugly wife.
Pharmacist blushes and replies : I am sorry sir , I didn't realize you have prescription.
Two lovers get romantic on the night of their wedding.
The newly wed lady blushes and asks, "Honey, where will you take us for our honeymoon?"
"I will take you to the farthest islands of the Caribbean!"
"Really? And what would you do on our 25th anniversary?", asks the wife, now blushing even more.
"I will bring you back."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A comedian walks into a bar
A comedian walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. Being charismatic and clever with words, he goes up to her and starts talking. They hit it off and are getting along well. Eventually, he brings up that he is a comedian.
"Ah," she says, "then could you tell me a joke?"
"But telling jokes is my job," he replies. "So you asking me to tell you a joke would be like me soliciting you for whatever it is you do for a living."
The woman blushes a little bit. "Well, I'm actually a p**...."
The comedian is a bit taken aback, but after only a moment's hesitation he begins:
"So a man walks onto a bus and sees this beautiful nun..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A m**... in South America
A m**... in South America teaches native indigenous tribesman to English language. They paddling on a boat on the Amazon River and the m**... teaches him: "This is a river. This is a forest. These are the trees. There are leaves on them. "
Down by the river they saw a couple making love. m**... blushes and tells to a guy in the boat: They are riding a bicycle.
Native takes bow and an arrow from boat and takes a shoot at guy who makes love to an woman.
m**... is horrified: What are you doing?!?
Native responds: He rides my bicycle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Nurse walks in to a patient's room
In a hospital room, a patient is lying in bed with an oxygen mask on.
A pretty, young nurse walks in and says, "I'm here to change your sheets!"
Patient says, "Please, nurse, are my t**... black?"
Nurse blushes and says, "I'm just here to change your sheets!"
Patient says, "Please, nurse, I'm begging -- are my t**... black?"
Nurse lifts up his sheet, pulls up his gown and thoroughly inspects his private parts. "Sir, it all looks fine!"
Patient slowly removes oxygen mask and says, "That was very nice, but ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Biology Lesson
Dr Adams is holding forth to his college students on biology and anatomy. "Miss Baker, can you tell me which part of the human body can expand by up to 10 times, and under what conditions?"
Miss Baker blushes furiously, and says, "That is not an appropriate question to ask a lady, and I will report you to the Dean."
Dr Adams just nods and says, "Miss Conrad, same question."
Miss Conrad stands and says, "The pupil of the eye, under dim light."
Dr Adams nods again and says "Correct, full marks for Miss Conrad." Then he turns and says, "Miss Baker, I can tell you three things. First, you have not studied. Second, you have a dirty mind. Third, you are going to suffer a grave disappointment."
A Very Outdated But Still Funny Joke
A high-school teacher asks a girl in the class, "What part of the body enlarges to ten times its normal size during periods of excitement?"
The girl stammers and blushes and looks at the floor and says, "I don't want to answer that question."
So the teacher asks a boy, "Do you know the answer?"
The boys answers, "The pupil of the eye."
"That's right," says the teacher. Then he turns to the girl and says, "Two things are obvious. First, you didn't study your lesson last night. Second, you wedding night is going to be a terrible disappointment to you."
Widdle wabbits
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits? "
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks,
"Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there? "
She in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit. "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Snow White and the seven dwarfs go to see the pope.
Snowhite and the seven dwarfs go to see the pope. As Snow White talks to the pope, the dwarfs push d**... in front and whisper, "Ask the question, d**..., ask the question!" d**... blushes, but the pope sees it and says, "d**..., do you want to ask me a question?"
"Well, uhm... do you think they have *nuns* in *Iceland?*"
"Why sure", the pope goes, "I suppose there are some nuns in Iceland." But the dwarfs push d**... in front again: "Ask the *whole* question, ask the *whole* question!" The pope sees it and says, "d**..., do you want to ask me another question?"
"Yeah... do you think they have *black* nuns in Iceland?"
"I suppose there are some black nuns in iceland", answers the pope. "Ask the *whole* question, ask the *whole* question!" go the dwarfs. "d**..., do you have another question for me?"
"Err, yes... do you think they have *little* black nuns in Iceland?"
The pope muses over this a bit, but finally decides "Nah... I really don't think they have little black nuns in Iceland."
And the dwarfs go: "d**... s**... a penguin, d**... s**... a penguin!"
