Blurted Jokes
17 blurted jokes and hilarious blurted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blurted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Blurted Short Jokes
Short blurted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blurted humour may include short blurts jokes also.
- (6yo nephew came to me and blurted) What does the cheese say to the other cheese passing by ? Have a grate day.
- A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out, " I should swallowed you when i had the chance!"
- Kurt Cobain, Krist Novoselic, and David Grohl go to Tibet to visit the Dalai Llama. As soon as they enter the room his eyes widen and he blurts out, "Finally!"
- I have a problem- I can't stop cursing. Whenever the most minor inconvenience happens to me, I just blurt out things like, "Bad luck upon your family for seven days."
- An accountant told President Trump, "You can name my firstborn son as long as it honors me, is Hebrew, and—" Interjecting, President Trump blurts out,"I'VE GOT IT... "MathJew"
- My fiance, feeling a bit under the weather, just blurted out this knee-s**... at 3AM... Why does bill nye get sleepy after writing calligraphy?
Because of the Nye Quill. - What do you call someone who blurts out the punchline before he finishes the A p**... Ejokeulator!
- I asked a r**... who came first... Before I could finish the question he blurted out, "Family. My momma taught me right. They always come first."
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Blurted One Liners
Which blurted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blurted? I can suggest the ones about shouted and stammered.
- What did the popcorn blurted out when it saw the microwave? Allahu Akbar!
Delightful Fun Blurted Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about blurted you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean muttered jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blurted pranks.
I was having a beer with the wife last night, when I suddenly blurted out, "I love you more than anything on earth!"
She said, "I bet that's the beer talking, isn't it?"
I said, "No, it's me talking to the beer!"
A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.
The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."
Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"
A young man was about to propose marriage to his girlfriend...
Naturally, he was really nervous and couldn't think of how to pop the question. One day they were sitting on the couch and suddenly he just blurted out, I think we should get married!
Wait, his girlfriend said, taken aback, are you serious?
I think I am, he said.
You're proposing to me here on the couch? she asked.
Yes, I guess I am, he said.
That's not much of a proposal, the girlfriend said. I think you can do better.
I thought so, too, the young man said. But your sister already said no.
Sauron tortures a hobbit.
Sauron captured Bilbo Baggins and tried to t**... him to tell where the magic ring was hidden. Soon the hobbit blurted out "I think Gollum has it!"
Then Sauron captured Gollum and tortured him, but the old evil and corrupted hobbit wouldn't talk.
It turns out bad hobbits are hard to break.
I got distracted today while driving and rear-ended the car in front of me.
The car door opened and out hopped the driver. He stormed up to me, all 3' 9" of him, and angrily blurted out "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
*"Which one are you then?"*
5 year old cousin with this one: Who lives in the green house?
Me: I don't know
Her: The green guy! Who lives in the red house?
Me: The red guy
Her: Yes! Who lives in the blue house?
Me: The blue guy
Her: Yeah! Who lives in the yellow house?
Me: The yellow guy
Her: Who lives in the white house?
[Now since I've heard this "riddle" before, I knew the trick answer. I was ready to answer The President! when my uncle blurted out:]
The black guy!!
Life saving
A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff? " the frustrated student blurted out. "To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives? "The professor stared at the student without saying a word. "Physics saves lives," he finally continued, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school. "
A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student for a long time. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."
True story told by a friend: My nephew was gay and everyone knew it but he was slow coming out of the closet. One day, home from college, he was having breakfast and blurted out, "Mom - I'm gay."
She replied, "Does this mean that you sometimes put other men's p**... in your mouth?" Her son thought that this was an odd response but answered, "Yes." "Then I never want you to complain about my cooking again." (It was her hilarious way of saying that his orientation is not an issue for her.)
The Age Factor
(Taken from Reader's Digest Year:1998)
Even though she's been teaching English for 25 years, my mother never felt her age was an issue, until the day she helped a student with a report on the Vietnam War. Mom recognised the name of a war correspondent mentioned in the textbook and blurted, "I used to date him!"
Peering up from his work, another wide-eyed student asked, "You dated someone from our history book?"
I was sat opposite a girl yesterday, for the life of me I couldn't remember her name.
I decided to just be honest and tell her, "I'm sorry but what was your name again".
"Jessica" she said. "Do you have trouble remembering girls names" she added in a wry way.
"Only the ugly ones" I blurted out.
Anyway to cut a long story short I didn't get the job.
Father-in-law's f**...
A man was sitting next to his wife at her father's f**... when someone sitting next to him let loose a "silent-but-*deadly*" f**... during the eulogy. Without thinking, the main blurted out, "Jesus, it smells like something died in here"
My gf told me Steven Tyler opened up a home for abused women...
"Guess what he named it?" She says..
I figured it would probably have something to do with a song title. Thinking fast, I blurted out the first one that came to mind: "Rag Doll"
Ohhhh, the look on her face ..
Turns out the place is called "Janie's place"