Blue Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Online classified ad

Premature ejaculator in need of smoking hot size 6 blonde.

Preferably with blue eyes and huge double d....

Nevermind.

Purple is my favorite color!

I like it more than blue and red combined.

What's blue and not very heavy?

Light blue.

I went to the doctors with hearing problems...

He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair"

If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?

A swallow

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag.

Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

What are the two problems with the French flag?

The red bit and the blue bit.

I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls.

But these are just miner details.

Dad joke: What's blue and doesn't weigh very much?

Light blue.

I went to the doctors with hearing problems

He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"

I said "Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"

Why do police officers wear blue?

Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.

I asked my buddy if he always puts an orange wedge in his beer.

He said, "Ehh not really. Maybe once in a Blue Moon."

Peter is different

A couple have 13 children, 12 of them are blonde and have blue eyes, 1 has black hair and brown eyes, his name is Peter. One day the wife of the couple is dying of illness, her husband is sitting on her bed. The husband says "Our Peter is different from the other kids, does he have a different father?" His wife says yes. And, the man says, "Then, who is his dad?" Upon which his wife says, "You".

I went to the doctor with hearing problems..

He said "can you describe the symptoms?"

I said "Aye, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair!"

Regretting the compliment...

A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"

A Poem

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Stop memes about Harambe

-Cincinnati Zoo

I went to the doctors with hearing problems...

He said "Can you describe the symptoms?" I said "Homer's a fat guy and Marge has blue hair"

3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp

One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!

"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!

"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.

And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of him!

"I wish for a meat shower!" The second dinosaur said.

And so the genie made all different sorts of meats from different animals rain from a small cloud above the dinosaur's head.

Not wanting to be outdone by his friends the third dinosaur quickly tries to think of something better.

"I wish for a meatier shower!"

So I was standing behind this girl

I was standing behind this girl at a school dance while we were waiting to get some juice. She was really pretty, so I thought I'd break the ice with a joke.

I tapped her on the shoulder and said "Hey, what's blue and smells like red paint?"

She smiled and asked, "what?"

As I was about to open my mouth, I accidentally tripped and knocked over everyone in front of me. I never got to finish the joke, but that's how I totally screwed up the punch line.

A Valentines Poem

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Whitney Houston is dead
and iiiiiiieeeeiiiii will always love yoooouooooou

It's ironic that in America, red white and blue stands for freedom...

... unless they're flashing behind you.

The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court

The game would be cancelled.

Green chameleon for sale...

No, a red one.

No, blue.

No wait, a pink one.

Cool.

Never mind, I'm keeping it!

Whats blue and doesn't fit anymore

A dead epileptic

I asked my wife for sex recently...

She said, "No, it's a super moon, not a blue one".

So my friend had some issue with his hearing....

My friend was having some issues with his hearing, so he booked a doctor's appointment. The doctor checked him over and had a look in his ears. The doctor said "okay. So, describe the symptoms". My friend said "well, there's homer. He's the dad. And there's Marge, she's got big blue hair..."

Went to see my doctor about a blocked ear

He asked me to describe the symptoms.
I said homer is a fat bloke and marge has blue hair

An old man was sitting on a bus. A young man sat down beside him.

He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man Just stared.

Every time the young man looked,the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.

What's blue and smells like red paint?

Blue Paint.

A black man, a blue man, a green man, a pink man, a red man and yellow man walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here. Too much Risk."

My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!

I asked how he could tell which one is which.


He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.


And Brian has a cock.'

What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blue berry ๐Ÿ˜ข

Roses are red, Violets are blue

Hitler blew an 11 country lead during World War 2

Roses are red, Violets are blue

I have Alzheimer's


To get to the other side

*Fantastic Ocean Life Facts* The Blue Whale is by far the world's largest animal...

...it's so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.

My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it's literally just cheese with bacteria.

I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.

Clinton's blue firewall...

About as secure as her private email server.

Do you ever put an orange in your beer?

Once in a Blue Moon

What's both blue and purple and never seen again?

This thread :/

Doctor... there's something wrong with my hearing!

Describe the symptoms....

Uh...Well Marge has blue hair....homer is fat...

Roses are Red, Violets are blue......

who killed harambe?

Cincinnati zoo

Which color confuses an idiot?

Blue

Blue Guy lives in the blue house, red guy lives in the red house, purple guy lives in the purple house, orange guy...

Lives in the White House.

Dad, why did you and mom choose this name?

"You see Blue, its the anagram of something your mom loves as much as you"
And why is my sister called Lana ?
"For the same reason."

The Philippines is the only country in the world who turns its flag upside down during times of war

while French people remove the red and blue colour

Did you know Avatar is a sequel to Titanic?

It picks up where Titanic left off, in the sense that half the cast is blue and dying.

Obligatory

What's blue and does not weight much?

Light blue.

Old one I've never seen on here

This joke was in a book I had as a young child, probably from the 70s or 80s. It's so ridiculous, I remember it to this day.


Q: How do you kill a blue elephant?

A: Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.



Q: How do you kill a white elephant?


A: Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

What Colour Confuses an Idiot?

Blue

It's still Valentines day for another hour..

Roses are red
Violets are blue
No, they are violet
FTFY

A teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence.

"The sky is definitely blue," said one girl.
"Nice try but the sky can be black or purple or even orange," replied the teacher.
"The grass is definitely green," said a little boy.
"Well... The grass can be brown too."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
"Yes Johnny?"
"Are farts solid?" asked little Johnny.
Finding this an odd question she was slightly shocked, but answered anyway, "No Johnny."
"Well I definitely pooped my pants."

I went to the doctors with hearing problems.

He said: can you describe the symptoms

I said: Homers a far bloke, and Marge has blue hair

Stalin appears in Putin's dream...

Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country.

Stalin says "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue."

"Why blue?" Putin asks.

"Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first part."

Roses are red, Violets are blue...

Pornhub is down, your facebook will do ( อกยฐ อœส– อกยฐ)

Drunk people are always fascinating

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? " he asks the drunk.
"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it. "
"So how does feeling the roof help you? " He asked the drunk.
"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!! "

What are the funniest blue jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Blue? Well, here are the best Blue puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Blue pick up lines to share with friends.

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