Blue Jokes

142 blue jokes and hilarious blue puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blue that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Short Blue Jokes
Blue One Liners
Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue Jokes
Blue Eyed Jokes
Blue Eyes Jokes
Blue Hair Jokes
More Blue Jokes

Funniest Blue Short Jokes

Short blue jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blue humour may include short yellow jokes also.

I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair"
TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the french flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.
I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls. But these are just miner details.
Why do police officers wear blue? Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.
I asked my buddy if he always puts an orange wedge in his beer. He said, "Ehh not really. Maybe once in a Blue Moon."
Doctor, doctor A man goes into the doctors and says "doctor doctor I think I'm going deaf" and the doctor says "can you describe the symptoms" and he says "yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair"
Roses are red... Violets are blue...
WOLOLOLOLOOO!!!!
Ah shucks now the roses are blue too!
Regretting the compliment... A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"
I asked a girl whether she would date a blue-collar man like me She said blue or white don't matter, she's collar blind.
A Valentines Poem Roses are red
Violets are blue
whitney houston is dead
and iiiiiiieeeeiiiii will always love yoooouooooou

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Blue One Liners

Which blue one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blue? I can suggest the ones about purple and green.

Purple is my favorite color! I like it more than blue and red combined.
What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.
What are the two problems with the French flag? The red bit and the blue bit.
Dad joke: What's blue and doesn't weigh very much? Light blue.
A Poem Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Stop memes about Harambe
-Cincinnati Zoo
What's blue and smells like red paint?

blue paint.
Whats blue and doesn't fit anymore A dead epileptic
What's blue and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A really fast apple.
What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue Paint.
Whats blue and isn't heavy? Light blue
Roses are red, Violets are blue I have Alzheimer's
To get to the other side
Clinton's blue firewall... About as secure as her private email server.
Do you ever put an orange in your beer? Once in a Blue Moon
What's both blue and purple and never seen again? This thread :/
Roses are Red, Violets are blue...... who killed harambe?
Cincinnati zoo

Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue Jokes

Here is a list of funny roses are red violets are blue jokes and even better roses are red violets are blue puns that will make you laugh with friends.

It's still valentines day for another hour.. Roses are red
Violets are blue
No, they are violet
FTFY
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Pornhub is down, your facebook will do ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Roses are red, violets are blue My girlfriend is gone
This coconut will do
Roses are red....violets are blue I'm using my hand...
But I'm thinking of you.
Roses are red, That much is true But violets are purple
Not freakin blue
A short poem about women's underwear... > Rose's are red,
Violet's are blue,
Heather's are green.
~Lee Mack
Violets are blue, roses are red We're doing this backwards
That's what she said
Roses are red, violets are blue.... does this rag smell like chloroform to you? ,
A poem about old ladies underwear Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Margarets are green.
Roses are red, violets are blue Some poems rhyme
this is not one of them

Blue Eyed Jokes

Here is a list of funny blue eyed jokes and even better blue eyed puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Interviewer: What's your strength? Candidate: I fall in love easily.
Interviewer: What's your weakness?
Candidate: Those blue eyes of yours.
I have blue eyes. I got them from my father. My mother has black eyes. She also got them from my father.
What do you call several blonde hair blue-eyed men doing the 100 meter dash? The superior race
My kid damaged my iphone so I am giving it away He is 3 years old, blue eyes, blue hair...
A son and a dad are talking Son: Why is the sky blue?
Dad: The same reason your eyes are blue.
Son: So the sky slept with the postman?
A man is in a job interview.. "So it says here that you consider your memory to be one of your greatest strengths?"
"Absolutely."
"Could you give me an example of that?"
"An example of what?"
My biology teacher said there is no evolutionary advantage to blue eyes. She must have never heard of the holocaust.
What do you call a blue-eyed blonde that doesn't eat meat? A vegetaryan
What did the Asian man say to his wife when the hospital nursery tried to send them home with a blonde hair, blue-eye baby? Hmmm... two Wongs don't make a white.
[Job interview] "What are your strengths?"
Me: I fall in love easily.
"Erm, okay... what are your weaknesses?"
Me: Those blue eyes of yours.

Blue Eyes Jokes

Here is a list of funny blue eyes jokes and even better blue eyes puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a child with blonde hair and blue eyes? I guess two Wongs really do make a white.
What do you get when you cross a blue eye and a brown eye? Pink eye
I tried to kill a spider by spraying it with a whole can of White Rain hair spray But that didn't work, now it's wearing blue eye shadow and chain smoking Virginia Slims.
What color were Kurt Cobain's eyes? One eye blue this way, One eye blue that way.
What do you call a blond-haired, blue-eyed guy who is well-endowed? A Hung-Ariyan.
Two girl twins are born. One is named Skye after her perfect blue eyes The other has cataracts, so was called Claudia
Interviewer: What are your strengths? Interviewer: What are your strengths?
Applicant: I fall in love easily
Interviewer: Um.. ok what are your weaknesses?
Applicant: Those blue eyes of yours.
What color was Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue. One blew this way, and the other blew the other way.
What color are Margaery's eyes ? Blue. One blew this way, the other one blew that way!
When I took off my sunglasses, my roommate said, "I thought you had blue eyes." I replied, "Must have left them in my other genes"

Blue Hair Jokes

Here is a list of funny blue hair jokes and even better blue hair puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Went to see my doctor about a blocked ear He asked me to describe the symptoms.
I said homer is a fat bloke and marge has blue hair
Doctor... there's something wrong with my hearing! Describe the symptoms....
Uh...Well Marge has blue hair....homer is fat...
I went to the doctors about my hearing.. I went to the doctors about my hearing and the doctors asked me "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said "Yeah, Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair"
A man goes to the doctor Man: doctor I'm having problems with my hearing
Doc: can you describe the symptoms?
Man: marge has blue hair and homer is a fat guy
Guy goes to the doctor with hearing problems... Doctor: Can you describe the symptoms?
Guy: Yeah, Homers the fat one and Marge has big blue hair
Went to the doctors yesterday... ..I said: "doc, im having problems with my hearing"...."really? Can you describe the symptons?" he replied I said "yes, Marge has blue hair and Homers a fat bloke"
I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing… He said, Can you describe the symptoms?
I said, They're yellow, Homer's fat, and Marge has blue hair.
My doctor asked me about the symptoms I answered: "Well, Marge has blue hair and Homer is fat.
I told my doctor I´d got hearing problems He said "describe the symptoms"
I said "Homer´s a fat bloke, drinks beer, and Marge has got blue hair"
My doctor said "I understand you are experiencing hearing problems. Please describe the symptoms. " So I told him that Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.

Blue joke, My doctor said "I understand you are experiencing hearing problems. Please describe the symptoms. "

Cheerful Fun Blue Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about blue you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cyan jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blue pranks.

Semantics really

I woke up this morning and found a bunch of missing person posters around town that said "Offering reward for any information".
I promptly ran to a phone, called them up and told them my favourite colour was blue.

Drunk people are always fascinating

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? " he asks the drunk.
"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it. "
"So how does feeling the roof help you? " He asked the drunk.
"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!! "

What do Smurfette and Picasso have in common?

A blue period.

An RAF vet is giving a talk about the war...

An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.
"So there I was, escorting the b**... to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..."
The teacher interupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of figher airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF b**... and their escorts."
"Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"

5 year old cousin with this one: Who lives in the green house?

Me: I don't know
Her: The green guy! Who lives in the red house?
Me: The red guy
Her: Yes! Who lives in the blue house?
Me: The blue guy
Her: Yeah! Who lives in the yellow house?
Me: The yellow guy
Her: Who lives in the white house?
[Now since I've heard this "riddle" before, I knew the trick answer. I was ready to answer The President! when my uncle blurted out:]
The black guy!!

A red boat and a blue boat c**... into each other in the ocean...

All the passengers were marooned.

Stalin appears in Putin's dream...

Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country.
Stalin says "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue."
"Why blue?" Putin asks.
"Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first part."

Why did Yellow divorce Red?

Because Red Blue Green

If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?

A s**...

Peter is different

A couple have 13 children, 12 of them are blonde and have blue eyes, 1 has black hair and brown eyes, his name is Peter. One day the wife of the couple is dying of illness, her husband is sitting on her bed. The husband says "Our Peter is different from the other kids, does he have a different father?" His wife says yes. And, the man says, "Then, who is his dad?" Upon which his wife says, "You".

A black man, a blue man, a green man, a pink man, a red man and yellow man walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here. Too much Risk."

Old one I've never seen on here

This joke was in a book I had as a young child, probably from the 70s or 80s. It's so ridiculous, I remember it to this day.
Q: How do you kill a blue elephant?
A: Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you kill a white elephant?
A: Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

Did you know Avatar is a sequel to Titanic?

It picks up where Titanic left off, in the sense that half the cast is blue and dying.
Obligatory

So my friend had some issue with his hearing....

My friend was having some issues with his hearing, so he booked a doctor's appointment. The doctor checked him over and had a look in his ears. The doctor said "okay. So, describe the symptoms". My friend said "well, there's homer. He's the dad. And there's Marge, she's got big blue hair..."

Muslim artists threw some paint bombs at a local building...

They blue it up.

The Philippines is the only country in the world who turns its flag upside down during times of war

while French people remove the red and blue colour

An old man was sitting on a bus. A young man sat down beside him.

He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man Just stared.
Every time the young man looked,the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had s**... with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.

My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!

I asked how he could tell which one is which.
He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.
And Brian has a c**....'

I asked my wife for s**... recently...

She said, "No, it's a super moon, not a blue one".

My ex-girlfriend used to have this strange f**......

She used to enjoy being strangled until she turned blue in the face.
It's too bad that I am colorblind.

Which color confuses an idiot?

Blue

Blue Guy lives in the blue house, red guy lives in the red house, purple guy lives in the purple house, orange guy...

Lives in the White House.

Roses are red, Violets are blue

h**... blew an 11 country lead during World War 2

If the blue man lives in the blue house, the green man lives in the green house, and the red man lives in the red house, then who lives in the white house?

The orange man

My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it's literally just cheese with bacteria.

I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.

What Colour Confuses an Idiot?

Blue

Green chameleon for sale...

No, a red one.
No, blue.
No wait, a pink one.
Cool.
Never mind, I'm keeping it!

What's blue and does not weight much?

Light blue.

The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court

The game would be cancelled.

A teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence.

"The sky is definitely blue," said one girl.
"Nice try but the sky can be black or purple or even orange," replied the teacher.
"The grass is definitely green," said a little boy.
"Well... The grass can be brown too."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
"Yes Johnny?"
"Are farts solid?" asked little Johnny.
Finding this an odd question she was slightly shocked, but answered anyway, "No Johnny."
"Well I definitely pooped my pants."

Fantastic Ocean Life Facts The Blue Whale is by far the world's largest animal...

...it's so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.

Whats red, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?

A red bucket.
Whats blue, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?
A red bucket in disguise.
My 8 year old son...the comedian.

Dad, why did you and mom choose this name?

"You see Blue, its the anagram of something your mom loves as much as you"
And why is my sister called Lana ?
"For the same reason."

It's ironic that in America, red white and blue stands for freedom...

... unless they're flashing behind you.

3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp

One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!
"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!
"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.
And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of him!
"I wish for a meat shower!" The second dinosaur said.
And so the genie made all different sorts of meats from different animals rain from a small cloud above the dinosaur's head.
Not wanting to be outdone by his friends the third dinosaur quickly tries to think of something better.
"I wish for a meatier shower!"

Stalin appears to Putin in a dream

He says to Putin: "I have two bits of advice for you: kill off all your opponents and paint the Kremlin blue."
Putin asks, "Why blue?"
Stalin replies, "I knew you would not object to the first one."

A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".

The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"

Purple is my least favourite color

I hate it more than red and blue combined.

How often should you put an orange slice in your beer?

Once, in a Blue Moon.

I'm walking down the street when out of nowhere a shellfish falls out of the sky

and hits me in the head. Dazed, I pick up the mollusk and say "Where did you come from, little guy?" The shell creases open slightly and I hear it say "A tornado picked me and threw me. You better get somewhere safe, it's headed this way!" I look around and see mostly blue skies, except for a few clouds. That's when I realized:
It was the clam before the storm.

What do you call a person who studies the color blue?

A cyantologist.

My Bluetooth speaker wasn't working so I threw it into the lake...

Now it's syncing.

If a blue bird has blue babies

And a red bird has red babies
What bird has no babies?
Swallows

A rich guy visits a doctor for a little blue pill

The doctor gives him a sample to try out. He tells him to take it now and by the time you get home it should be working.
20 minutes later the guy calls the doctor to tell him his wife isn't home but the maid is there.
Doctor says, well... try it out with the maid.
Patient replies, I never needed a pill to get a hard-on with the maid.

What do you do when you find a blue elephant?

Cheer him up.
(Courtesy of my 10-year-old son.)

My buddy and I have been working at this company for several years

We thought everything was going great. Numbers were up, sales were soaring! But one day our boss announced that the entire company was being bought out by some company in Spain.
What?! I exclaimed to my friend. This is so out of the blue! Never in a million years could I have seen this coming.
My friend shook his head and looked at me sideways. Nobody expects the Spanish Acquisition, he sighed.

I bought my wife a mood ring.

When she's happy it turns blue.
When she's not happy it leaves a red mark on my forehead.

Putin is working in his office planning the Ukraine war, when the ghost of Stalin suddenly appears.

Putin takes the opportunity to seek advice: Stalin, what happened? why are things not working out for us? Stalin gives him the advice: Send 5 million Russians to their deaths at war, and paint the Kremlin blue. Why blue? asks Vladimir Putin.
I knew you wouldn't have a problem with the first part, chuckles Stalin.

If black birds have black babies and blue birds have blue babies, what kind of birds have no babies?

Swallows.

The scientist asks, "Hey, why so blue?"

The litmus paper answers, "I just came from a date with a pretty basic solution.