Blue Jokes
140 blue jokes and hilarious blue puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blue that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Blue Short Jokes
Short blue jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blue humour may include short yellow jokes also.
- I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair" - I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls. But these are just miner details.
- Why do police officers wear blue? Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.
- I asked my buddy if he always puts an orange wedge in his beer. He said, "Ehh not really. Maybe once in a Blue Moon."
- Roses are red... Violets are blue...
WOLOLOLOLOOO!!!!
Ah shucks now the roses are blue too! - Regretting the compliment... A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"
- I asked a girl whether she would date a blue-collar man like me She said blue or white don't matter, she's collar blind.
- A Valentines Poem Roses are red
Violets are blue
whitney houston is dead
and iiiiiiieeeeiiiii will always love yoooouooooou - It's ironic that in America, red white and blue stands for freedom... ... unless they're flashing behind you.
- The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court The game would be cancelled.
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Blue One Liners
Which blue one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blue? I can suggest the ones about purple and green.
- Purple is my favorite color! I like it more than blue and red combined.
- What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.
- What are the two problems with the french flag? The red bit and the blue bit.
- A Poem Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Stop memes about Harambe
-Cincinnati Zoo - What's blue and smells like red paint?
blue paint. - What's blue and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A really fast apple.
- Roses are red, Violets are blue I have Alzheimer's
To get to the other side - Clinton's blue firewall... About as secure as her private email server.
- Do you ever put an orange in your beer? Once in a Blue Moon
- What's both blue and purple and never seen again? This thread :/
- Roses are Red, Violets are blue...... who killed harambe?
Cincinnati zoo - Which color confuses an idiot? Blue
- Purple is my least favourite color I hate it more than red and blue combined.
- I used to be a lifeguard at a public pool.... Until this blue kid got me fired.
- What do you call a person who studies the color blue? A cyantologist.
Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue Jokes
Here is a list of funny roses are red violets are blue jokes and even better roses are red violets are blue puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's still valentines day for another hour.. Roses are red
Violets are blue
No, they are violet
FTFY - Roses are red, violets are blue My girlfriend is gone
This coconut will do - Roses are red....violets are blue I'm using my hand...
But I'm thinking of you. - Roses are red, That much is true But violets are purple
Not freakin blue - A short poem about women's underwear... > Rose's are red,
Violet's are blue,
Heather's are green.
~Lee Mack - Violets are blue, roses are red We're doing this backwards
That's what she said - Roses are red, violets are blue.... does this rag smell like chloroform to you? ,
- A poem about old ladies underwear Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Margarets are green. - Roses are red, violets are blue Some poems rhyme
this is not one of them - Roses are red
Violets are blue
Love never crossed my mind
Until I came across you.
Blue Eyes Jokes
Here is a list of funny blue eyes jokes and even better blue eyes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Interviewer: What's your strength? Candidate: I fall in love easily.
Interviewer: What's your weakness?
Candidate: Those blue eyes of yours. - I have blue eyes. I got them from my father. My mother has black eyes. She also got them from my father.
- What do you call several blonde hair blue-eyed men doing the 100 meter dash? The superior race
- My kid damaged my iphone so I am giving it away He is 3 years old, blue eyes, blue hair...
- A son and a dad are talking Son: Why is the sky blue?
Dad: The same reason your eyes are blue.
Son: So the sky slept with the postman? - My biology teacher said there is no evolutionary advantage to blue eyes. She must have never heard of the holocaust.
- What do you call a blue-eyed blonde that doesn't eat meat? A vegetaryan
- What do you get when you cross a blue eye and a brown eye? Pink eye
- I tried to kill a spider by spraying it with a whole can of White Rain hair spray But that didn't work, now it's wearing blue eye shadow and chain smoking Virginia Slims.
- What color were Kurt Cobain's eyes? One eye blue this way, One eye blue that way.
Blue Hair Jokes
Here is a list of funny blue hair jokes and even better blue hair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My doctor asked me about the symptoms I answered: "Well, Marge has blue hair and Homer is fat.
- What do you call a blond-haired, blue-eyed guy who is well-endowed? A Hung-Ariyan.
- My doctor said "I understand you are experiencing hearing problems. Please describe the symptoms. " So I told him that Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.
- The man with the big feet lives in the red house, the man with the big ears in the green house, the man with the long hair in blue house, where does the man with the small wein live? My house
- What has blonde hair, blue eyes and tends to ailed animals? A VeterinArian.
- What do you call a blonde-haired, blue-eyed person who served in the military? A veterinarian.
- I've just bought some blonde hair and blue eyes. I'm saving them for a special Caucasian.
- What happens when the store runs out of blue hair dye? The feminists switch to green
Blue Sky Jokes
Here is a list of funny blue sky jokes and even better blue sky puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is the sky blue? No one bothers to ask how it's feeling.
- Red sky at night: sailor's delight Blue sky at night: day
- So I adopted a 5 year old child from China And she said to me: "Why is the sky blue?"
- Actual quote from a kid visiting from China Q: Do you like it hear in America?
K: Yes.
Q: Why?
K: Because the sky here is blue. - Why is the sky blue? Son: Dad..Why is the sky blue?
Dad: Because if it was green, we wouldn't know where to stop mowing the lawn. - My son asks me "Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?" and I reply, "Yes son, the sky is pretty blue."
- After hours of working on every syllable of this masterpiece, I bring you a haiku I've titled "Truth in hindsight" The sky is blue
The grass is green
Jetfuel can't melt steel beams - Why was Cloud trying to cheer up Sky? He looked a little blue
- What do you call a blue sky at night? Day
- Roses are red, blue is the sky........... Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?
Cheerful Fun Blue Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about blue you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cyan jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blue pranks.
A man finds out his wife is cheating on him...
So he walks into a bar.
The bartender asks "Why are you looking so blue?"
The man replies "I just found out my wife is cheating on me. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death. I'll have some whiskey please."
The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry, but I can't help you kill yourself."
The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?"
The bartender thinks for a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy."
The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the bar.
A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous. Suddenly the man walks back into the bar with a big smile on his face.
"Did you kill the guy?" The bartender asks nervously.
"Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The older man and his problems
A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform s**.... He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more s**... and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year."
The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised.
His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"
Semantics really
I woke up this morning and found a bunch of missing person posters around town that said "Offering reward for any information".
I promptly ran to a phone, called them up and told them my favourite colour was blue.
Excuse for speeding
This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought him a new bright red BMW. So he decided to take his new BMW on a test drive down the interstate one day.
He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway patrolman with his blue lights and siren blaring coming toward him. He decided he and his new BMW would outrun the officer. So the man sped up to 95 mph,and then to 105 mph, but the patrolman was still coming.
The man finally came to his senses and said to himself, "This is crazy, I could go to jail for this," so he pulled over.
The patrolman came to the car and told the man, "It has been a long day and I am tired. If you can give me an excuse no one else has ever given me I will let you go."
So the man told the officer, "Last night my wife ran off with a patrolman and when I seen you chasing me I thought you were trying to bring her back."
The officer looked at the man and said, "Have a nice day."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
BUD LIGHT AND SWEET TEA
A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husbandcomes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me up." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husbandcomes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea andstart swishing it in your mouth but don't s**.... Just keep swishingand swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor." Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking freshand reborn. Woman: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husbandcame home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn'ttouch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Joke directed insult
A woman walks into the doctors office. She says she wants a child, but doesnt want to have s**.... The doctor says ok and asks what kind of child she wants. The woman said she wanted a smart and handsome kid. The doctor then hands her a blue pill.
A few months later, the woman comes back and says she has had a miscarriage but still wants a child. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she wants. The woman said she will have a regular kid this time. The doctor then hands her a red pill.
Even more months later, the woman returns and says shes had a miscarriage but still wants a kid. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she will want. She says since the other ones did not work out she will have a ugly, s**... kid. The doctor says ok and hands her a pill.
*At this point the joke teller asks the victim what color they think the pill is.
*The response will most likely be "I don't know, what?"
*The joke teller then says "I don't know, try asking your mother."
Immaturity at its best.
Drunk people are always fascinating
A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? " he asks the drunk.
"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it. "
"So how does feeling the roof help you? " He asked the drunk.
"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!! "
What do Smurfette and Picasso have in common?
A blue period.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An RAF vet is giving a talk about the war...
An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.
"So there I was, escorting the b**... to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..."
The teacher interupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of figher airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF b**... and their escorts."
"Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"
5 year old cousin with this one: Who lives in the green house?
Me: I don't know
Her: The green guy! Who lives in the red house?
Me: The red guy
Her: Yes! Who lives in the blue house?
Me: The blue guy
Her: Yeah! Who lives in the yellow house?
Me: The yellow guy
Her: Who lives in the white house?
[Now since I've heard this "riddle" before, I knew the trick answer. I was ready to answer The President! when my uncle blurted out:]
The black guy!!
Why do Boston police cars have blue lights?
Because Boston drivers don't stop for red lights.
I'm curious about the French flag.
When did they add the blue and red stripes?
Why did Yellow divorce Red?
Because Red Blue Green
Peter is different
A couple have 13 children, 12 of them are blonde and have blue eyes, 1 has black hair and brown eyes, his name is Peter. One day the wife of the couple is dying of illness, her husband is sitting on her bed. The husband says "Our Peter is different from the other kids, does he have a different father?" His wife says yes. And, the man says, "Then, who is his dad?" Upon which his wife says, "You".
Preacher
A preacher said, "Anyone with a special request who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar ."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats blue and doesn't fit anymore
A dead epileptic
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old one I've never seen on here
This joke was in a book I had as a young child, probably from the 70s or 80s. It's so ridiculous, I remember it to this day.
Q: How do you kill a blue elephant?
A: Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you kill a white elephant?
A: Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
Did you know Avatar is a sequel to Titanic?
It picks up where Titanic left off, in the sense that half the cast is blue and dying.
Obligatory
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Roses are red, Violets are blue...
Pornhub is down, your facebook will do ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Muslim artists threw some paint bombs at a local building...
They blue it up.
The Philippines is the only country in the world who turns its flag upside down during times of war
while French people remove the red and blue colour
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man was sitting on a bus. A young man sat down beside him.
He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man Just stared.
Every time the young man looked,the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had s**... with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.
Why was yellow angry at red?
Red blue green.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!
I asked how he could tell which one is which.
He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.
And Brian has a c**....'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked my wife for s**... recently...
She said, "No, it's a super moon, not a blue one".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My ex-girlfriend used to have this strange f**......
She used to enjoy being strangled until she turned blue in the face.
It's too bad that I am colorblind.
Blue Guy lives in the blue house, red guy lives in the red house, purple guy lives in the purple house, orange guy...
Lives in the White House.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Roses are red, Violets are blue
h**... blew an 11 country lead during World War 2
If the blue man lives in the blue house, the green man lives in the green house, and the red man lives in the red house, then who lives in the white house?
The orange man
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Aliens meet at a Bar in Deep Space
Two Aliens meet in a bar in deep space.
**First Alien:** On my way here I passed a beautiful blue world, 2/3 covered by water, The dominant race have discovered Satellite technology and Harnessed the power of nuclear weapons for defense.
**Second Alien:** Interesting, so it looks like we have an emerging intelligence in the Galaxy.
**First Alien:** That is what i thought but then I realized they pointed them at themselves.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jake went over to pick up his girlfriend to go on a date.
When he found her n**..., he asked why.
"Well, because I don't have any dresses to wear!"
"Sure you do," Jake replied, opening her closet. "Here's a blue one, a red one, a green one- oh, hi Francis- a yellow one..."
My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it's literally just cheese with bacteria.
I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.
What Colour Confuses an Idiot?
Blue
Green chameleon for sale...
No, a red one.
No, blue.
No wait, a pink one.
Cool.
Never mind, I'm keeping it!
A teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence.
"The sky is definitely blue," said one girl.
"Nice try but the sky can be black or purple or even orange," replied the teacher.
"The grass is definitely green," said a little boy.
"Well... The grass can be brown too."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
"Yes Johnny?"
"Are farts solid?" asked little Johnny.
Finding this an odd question she was slightly shocked, but answered anyway, "No Johnny."
"Well I definitely pooped my pants."
*Fantastic Ocean Life Facts* The Blue Whale is by far the world's largest animal...
...it's so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.
Whats red, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?
A red bucket.
Whats blue, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?
A red bucket in disguise.
My 8 year old son...the comedian.
Dad, why did you and mom choose this name?
"You see Blue, its the anagram of something your mom loves as much as you"
And why is my sister called Lana ?
"For the same reason."
You guys know blue doesn't exist in nature?
It's just a pigment of your imagination.
3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp
One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!
"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!
"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.
And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of him!
"I wish for a meat shower!" The second dinosaur said.
And so the genie made all different sorts of meats from different animals rain from a small cloud above the dinosaur's head.
Not wanting to be outdone by his friends the third dinosaur quickly tries to think of something better.
"I wish for a meatier shower!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got the worst blue b**... ever today.
Man, I hate back splash from porta-potties
I'm walking down the street when out of nowhere a shellfish falls out of the sky
and hits me in the head. Dazed, I pick up the mollusk and say "Where did you come from, little guy?" The shell creases open slightly and I hear it say "A tornado picked me and threw me. You better get somewhere safe, it's headed this way!" I look around and see mostly blue skies, except for a few clouds. That's when I realized:
It was the clam before the storm.
My Bluetooth speaker wasn't working so I threw it into the lake...
Now it's syncing.
If a blue bird has blue babies
And a red bird has red babies
What bird has no babies?
Swallows
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rich guy visits a doctor for a little blue pill
The doctor gives him a sample to try out. He tells him to take it now and by the time you get home it should be working.
20 minutes later the guy calls the doctor to tell him his wife isn't home but the maid is there.
Doctor says, well... try it out with the maid.
Patient replies, I never needed a pill to get a hard-on with the maid.
What do you do when you find a blue elephant?
Cheer him up.
(Courtesy of my 10-year-old son.)
I told my Dr. I only smoke once every blue moon….
The problem is my refrigerator is full of them.
My buddy and I have been working at this company for several years
We thought everything was going great. Numbers were up, sales were soaring! But one day our boss announced that the entire company was being bought out by some company in Spain.
What?! I exclaimed to my friend. This is so out of the blue! Never in a million years could I have seen this coming.
My friend shook his head and looked at me sideways. Nobody expects the Spanish Acquisition, he sighed.
A man goes to the doctor
\- Doctor, I see blue elephants everywhere.
The doctor then asks:
\- Have you seen a psychologist?
The man:
\- No, no doctor, only blue elephants!
I bought my wife a mood ring.
When she's happy it turns blue.
When she's not happy it leaves a red mark on my forehead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Putin is working in his office planning the Ukraine war, when the ghost of Stalin suddenly appears.
Putin takes the opportunity to seek advice: Stalin, what happened? why are things not working out for us? Stalin gives him the advice: Send 5 million Russians to their deaths at war, and paint the Kremlin blue. Why blue? asks Vladimir Putin.
I knew you wouldn't have a problem with the first part, chuckles Stalin.
How do you stop a baby from turning blue?
Take it out of the plastic bag.
(no joke, told by my 12 year old daughter at Thanksgiving dinner)
Donald Trump's daughter got married this weekend
For her something blue, he gave her Nevada
What do being mad at the world and watching the ball drop have in common?
Both involve yelling at a big blue ball.
P.S: Happy New Year! 10 more minutes!
