Blue Hair Jokes

A doctor from the inner city was conversing with an old friend from med school at a cafe when he said, "Man, can I tell you something?"
His friend nods. "Sure."
"Okay, so the other day I had this one really hot, foreign patient, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since..."
He goes on to tell his friend everything about her, from her long blond hair and ability to speak fluent French, to her shimmering blue eyes and soft skin.
His friend seemed more disgusted with each passing moment.
"Dude, that is not cool."
The doctor, indignant, defended himself.
"What's wrong with that? Lots of doctors are attracted to their patients."
His friend simply shook his head and replied, "Maybe, but I guarantee you none of those doctors were pediatricians..."

The speeder

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard--I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper

"Have a good day, sir"

He got his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights
flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes.
Today is Friday.
If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper

Little Hamish McLain fell asleep under a tree...

His friend Glenna saw him napping and tried to wake him but he didn't budge. She had always wondered if it was true that Scotsmen don't wear anything under their kilts so she lifted it up and took a peek. Sure enough, there was nothing under the kilt save Hamish's bare skin. Before she left, she decided to leave him a little hint she had been there so she pulled a pretty blue ribbon from her hair and tied it around his John Thomas.
When Hamish awoke he trotted off home where he found his mother had prepared a warm bath. As he was u**... his mother noticed the little blue ribbon.
"Oh, Hamish!" she exlaimed. "I don't know where you've been or what you've been doing, but I'm sure glad you took first place."

Two guys meet at the store.

Two guys, one old, one young,
are pushing their carts around the grocery store
when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy,
"Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
and I guess I wasn't paying attention
to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too...
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well,
maybe I can help you find her...
what does she look like?"
The young guy says,
"Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall,
with red hair,
blue eyes, is buxom wearing no bra,
long legs,
and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter,
--- let's look for yours."

A kilted Scotsman

was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.
As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."
She boldly walked over to the sleeper, raised his kilt, and saw that he wore nothing at all. Her friend said, "Well, the mystery is solved! Let's thank him for sharing!" She took off her pretty blue hair ribbon and gently tied it around the Scotsman's endowment.
A while later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature. He raised his kilt and was bewildered at the sight of the neatly tied blue ribbon. He stared for a minute, then said, "I don't know where y'been laddie... but it's nice ta see you won firrrst prrrize!"

Missing wives.

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around- WalMart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, Doesn't matter, let's look for yours."

The Old Man & The Trooper

A senior citizen drove his brand new Lexus convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road and onto the highway, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down the interstate pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Lexus, looked at the old man, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, it's Friday and my shift ends in 30 minutes. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused........ Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper.

Two Guys Both Lose Their Wives In A Grocery Store

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that.
I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's okay, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"
"Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing a tank top with short white shorts.
What does your wife look like?"
The old guy replies, "It doesn't matter, let's look for yours."

Dining at the Mall.....

I took my Dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).
We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours - green, red, orange, and blue.
My Dad kept staring at her.
The teenager kept looking and would find my Dad staring every time.
When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked:
"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response.
I knew he would have a good one!
In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid ....
"Got s**... once and s**... a Peacock. I was just wondering
if you were my daughter"

Looking for a wife

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's okay, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"
"Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing a tank top with short white shorts. What does your wife look like?"
The old guy replies, "It doesn't matter, let's look for yours."

A story about my first time

The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone just she and I.
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what she wanted to do.
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers down her spine.
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing my hands on her breast.
I remember my fear my fast beating heart
But slowly she spread her legs apart
And when I did it I felt no shame.
All at once the white stuff came
At last it's finished it's all over now
My first time ever at milking a cow...

A dad goes to the mall

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life? Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.
"Got drunk once, and had s**... with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

The sky was blue, the moon was high, we were together, just her and I...

The sky was blue, the moon was high, we were together, just her and I.
Her hair was brown, her eyes baby blue, I knew exactly what she wanted to do.
And so, with courage, I did my best and laid my hand upon her breast.
Her face was light, her body fine, I ran my finger down her spine.
I trembled in shock, I felt her heart, slowly she spread her legs apart.
I knew she was ready... but I didn't know how, for this was my first experience at milking a cow.

Sweetheart, you remind me the sea.

>Why? is it because of my beautiful blue eyes reminding you the ocean's water?
No
>I know, it's because of my curly hair, reminds you the waves.
Not really.
>So it's my perfume? reminds you that fresh air near the beach?
Nope.
>So what is it then?
You make me sick.

The teacher tells the students:

You have to tell me what part of my body do you like the most, and I will tell you what will you be when you grow up. Let's see, Paul, which part of my body do you like the most?
I love your long hair, teacher.
Nice, Paul! You will be a hairdresser when you grow up. And you, Peter, what is your favourite part?
My favourite part of you are your teeth, teacher.
You will be a dentist, Peter, when you grow up. William, it's your turn.
I really like your blue eyes, teacher.
You will be a very good oculist when you grow up, William. And you, Johnny, which part of my body do you like the most?
I think I don't need to say it. I just found out I want to be a milkman when older!