blow Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious blow stories

What are the best blow puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Blow? Well here is a complete list of the top blow jokes:

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

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Which one doesn't belong: eggs, your wife, or a blow job?

The blow job. You can beat your eggs and your wife but you can't beat a blow job.

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What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

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Sick day.

A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a blow job. Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."

He calls back an hour later and says, "Just letting you know, I'm on my way to work. I feel great now. And by the way, you have a nice house."

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What's the difference between my dick and my paycheck?

I don't have to beg my wife to blow my paycheck.

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I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

‎...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

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Which doesn't belong: Meat, a Blow Job, Your Wife, An Egg

A Blowjob, you can beat your Meat, you can beat your wife, and you can beat an egg, but you can't beat a blow job

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First Blowjob

A young man walks into a bar, orders five shots of whisky, and quickly downs them all.

The bartender says, "Whoa there buddy. That's a lot of shots. What's going on?"

The man replies, "First blowjob today."

The bartender says, "Well congratulations! I'll tell you what, have another drink. It's on me."

"No thanks." says the man, "If the first five didn't get the taste out of my mouth, I doubt the sixth is going to do much."

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I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

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My 4 year old niece's unintentional dirty joke.

Why did the fan blow itself? Because it was turned on!

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What are the two most important holes on a woman?

The Nostrils. So she can breathe while giving me a blow job.

*My 10 year old brother told me this today

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68

A man urges his wife to try a new sex position - The . Curious, she asks about what romantic and exotic position her husband wants to try. "Well honey" he answers, "it's quite simple, you give me a blow job, and I owe you one"

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Blowing Bubbles

There is this door in an ally. Three guys walk out of it. A curious man asked the first guy," what were you doing in there"? The man answered "I was blowing bubbles" The curious man asks the second guy what he was doing, and the man answered, "I was blowing bubbles". Then the curious man said, "Let me guess, you were blowing bubbles". Then the last guy said," What the fuck are you talking about I am bubbles."

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Two Native Americans

Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit
down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there
sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says,
"How would you boys like a blow job?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him
unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do
that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting
a job!"

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I got a $100 bill tattood on my penis,

if the wife wants to blow $100 she doesn't even need to leave the house.

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Whales

So, there are two whales swimming around, when they see a boat. The first whale says, "Hey, let's go blow that boat over!" The second whale replies, "Alright, let's go." So the two whales blow the boat over, sending the crew members overboard. Then the first whale gets an idea, "We should go eat those crew members!" The second whale, disgusted, says, "Nah man, I'm always up for the occasional blowjob, but I never swallow the seamen."

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What's the difference between a pretty girl and a bowl of soup?

One is so hot that you blow on it before you stick your dick in, and the other is a person and shouldn't be seen as a mere sexual object.

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7 shots

So a man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 7 vodka shots
The bartender asks the man what's the special occasion the man says
" I just experienced my first blow job" .
And the bartender says "congrats how about a 8th shot on the house" and the man goes
" if 7 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will

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Two gay guys live together

The first guy says, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll hide, and if you find me I'll blow you."

The second guys says, "What if I can't find you?"

He says, "I'll be behind the piano."

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A friend bet me I couldn't piss in a Dyson Airblade

Boy, did that blow up in my face.

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My girlfriend just freaked me out...

she gave me a blow job but insisted on role playing as a 12 year old.Fucking weird and gross. I was like "You're going to be 12 in a couple of months, what's the rush?

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I woke up to a blow job this morning...

That's the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.    

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A guy walks into a bar...

sits down and orders 10 shots one after the other without saying anything.

When he finally stops, the bartender is curious and asks him what the shots were for.

"My first blow job" the man replies.

"Oh" the bartender says, "Well then in that case let me give you one on the house."

"No, thanks," the man says "if 10 can't get the taste out of my mouth 11 sure won't."

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What's the difference between your penis and your Christmas bonus?

Your wife will actually blow your bonus.

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I blow, but I don't swallow. I whip, but don't do chains. Some watch me and feel proud, while others feel ashamed. What am I?

I am a flag.

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Little Johnny catches his mom and dad...

Mom and dad are having sex when little Johnny walks in. Quickly, dad tells him to leave. When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddy's get a big tummy and mommy's have to jump on it so it will deflate. Then Johnny replies, "But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?"

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My love is like a candle

If you don't blow me before bed I'll burn your house down

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My girlfriend just caught me blow drying my penis...

...and asked what I was doing. Apparently "heating your dinner" was not the correct answer.

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Dad can I?

A young man went up to his father and asks "Can I have twenty bucks for a blow job?" His father says "I don't know. Are you any good?"

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Hookers and blow

Whats the difference between a hooker and a crack dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again

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His first blowjob

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob." "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offence, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

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Why does a bride smile as she walks down the aisle?

She knows she's given her last blow job.

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A guy was walking a girl home...

And as they got to her building, he leaned on the wall and said: "Honey, will you blow me?". She replied: "No dude, not now, we will get caught by my parents!". "Oh come on! Please!". He continued to beg until her sister came down and said. "Dad told me to to tell that I can blow you, mom can blow you, hell, even dad said he will personaly come down and give you the best blowjob of your life, just get your damned hand of the intercom!

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A plane gets hijacked by a couple of terrorists

The head terrorist is in the cockpit with the pilot. He demands that the pilot takes them to a free country or else the entire plane will blow up.

The pilot retorts: " This is an airliner, not a spaceship!"

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I'd hate to be a dragon.


I'd get so angry trying to blow out my birthday candles.

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what do eggs benedict and a blow job have in common?

you dont get either at home.

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Just a Little Celebration

Guy runs into a bar... 'Bartender... QUICK...two shots of Vodka"..

Bartender sets them up... guys Slams them...

Guy... "Quick .. Two more"

Again, bartender sets them up .. he slams them too...

Bartender says - " Damn man, what's that about..?"

Guy says..

'I'm Celebrating..... My First Blow Job "

Bartender says.. "Really...cool.. in that case the next two are on the house".

Guy says..

"Thanks... I have to do something to get the taste out of my mouth."

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What is the definition of trust?

Two cannibals giving each other a blow iob.

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A guy walks in to a bar

he orders 6 shots of tequila

bartender says "6 shots? thats quite a bit"

guy says "im celebrating my first blow job"

bartender says "congratulations, let me get you another one on the house"

guy says "thats okay, if 6 dont take the taste out of my mouth, nothing will

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This Hurricane should have been called Snooki...

The're both heading to the Jersey Shore with plans to blow everyone in a 50 mile radius.

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Blowdryer Incident

Bob's wife caught him blow-drying his pecker this morning and asked him what the hell he was doing?

Apparently, "heating up your breakfast" was not the right answer!

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One of my personal favorites (Thanks Good Will Hunting)

So I'm on a plane flying from New York to LA and the pilot gives his "now free to move about the cabin" message, only he forgets to turn off the mic, so the entire plane hears him when he turns to the copilot and says "Man I could really use a coffee and a blow job." The flight attendant runs to the cockpit to tell the pilot the mic was on, so I yell out "Hey honey, don't forget the coffee!"

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The memo

An older man hires a guy every fall and his only job is to use my leaf blower and get the leaves out my yard.

He only pays in checks though. Just so he may write "thanks for the blow" on the memo line.

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What did the Hurricane say to the palm tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job.

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What's the difference between CNN and Al-Jazeera?

CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al-Jazeera shows them landing.

(Not mine, just heard it on the Jimmy Dore show)

also

"My favorite indie band is palestinian. I think they're really going to blow up."

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Ever blow bubbles as a kid?

He's back in town and wants you to give him a call.

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A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend.....

"You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything.

His friend replies, "That's great... Did you get a blow job?"

"Oh, no... I never found her head."

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Mind=blown

I once knew a hooker who was studying psychiatry. For $20 she'd blow your mind.

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A man walks into A bar

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz.

The bartender says, "What's wrong with Schlitz, don't you like it?

The man says, "I hate that shit". Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks.

The bartender says, "You drink a case of any beer you're going to blow chunks".

"You don't understand" said the man, "Chunks is my dog".

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A lady goes to the store to buy a hook

..to mount on a wall to hang her coat. She walks up to the counter with it but doesn't have a screw to mount it to the wall. The checkout guy says "do you want a screw for the hook? She answers ""No but I'll blow you for that toaster."

(A version of an old Andrew Dice Clay joke)

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best blow jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about blow. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty blow gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these blow jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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