Blow Jokes
183 blow jokes and hilarious blow puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blow that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This is a collection of joke articles about blowjobs.
Quick Jump To
- Short Blow Jokes
- Blow One Liners
- Blow Mind Jokes
- Blow Up Doll Jokes
- Blow Whistle Jokes
- Blow Pop Jokes
- Blow Me Jokes
- More Blow Jokes
Funniest Blow Short Jokes
Short blow jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blow humour may include short blew jokes also.
- I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
- A house of cards is really fragile One blow from a little kid and it all comes tumbling down
- I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist's waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by... Most people hate it, but I'm a fan...
- James Bond always holds his farts while in bed Otherwise he would blow his cover.
(Look I'm not funny this was my first and only attempt so sorry X\_X) - Photographers are so violent. They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you.
- I asked my girlfriend to 68 today She said What's that?
I said That's when you blow me and I owe you one. - The Nintendo 64 turns 18 this week... Which means you can now legally blow the cartridges.
- Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.
- Inventor displays the first knife ever. His friend, "that's the greatest invention since bread"
Inventor, "well I'm about to blow your mind" - I'm sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion. She's single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.
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Blow One Liners
Which blow one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blow? I can suggest the ones about blew mind and breeze.
- The Nintendo 64 turned 18 today Now you can legally blow the cartridges.
- What food makes women stop giving blow jobs? Wedding cake
- Why did the vegetarian hate giving blow jobs? She was a lesbian.
- How do you blow up a Muslim's iPhone? Put it into airplane mode.
- My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly I'm not a fan.
- Why did the fan blow itself? Because it was turned on!
- My girlfriend doesn't like it when I ask her to blow cool air on me She is not a fan.
- Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ? He heard the ref was blowing fouls
- I quite enjoy blowing air around a room. In fact, I'm a big fan.
- Saw two druggies having a '69' in the park earlier on. He was on crack, she was on blow.
- I like my women like I like my grenades Hanging around my belt and ready to blow.
- I just read John F Kennedy's biography The end was mind blowing
- What do you call a principal who gives good blow jobs? A headmaster.
- 1 in 6 people... find Russian roulette mind blowing.
- What do female reindeer do for fun? Go into town and blow a couple hundred bucks.
Blow Mind Jokes
Here is a list of funny blow mind jokes and even better blow mind puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- JFK Assassination Document Release From what I hear, they reveal some pretty mind-blowing information
- This will blow your mind! If you take the pin out of a grenade and put your ear to the hole you can hear the faint sound of the world wide I.Q average increasing.
- I just tried out the Samsung Gear-VR with my Note 7. It was mind-blowing.
- Saw a documentary on Russian roulette It was mind blowing.
- Not only was John F. Kennedy's assassination an unexpected thing... It was also mind blowing.
- 1/6 russian roulette players Finds russian roulette mind blowing.
- A Sapiosexual couple's foreplay Involves blowing each other's minds
- Point a gun at your head and pull the trigger what happens next will blow your mind
- Invention of the knife "What is that?"
I call it the 'knife'.
"Wow, that's the best thing since bread!"
Greg, I am about to blow your mind. - I have an amazing gardener who's both vision impaired and dyslexic. His work is Mind BLowing
Blow Up Doll Jokes
Here is a list of funny blow up doll jokes and even better blow up doll puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Mattel released a Muslim Barbie... It's a blow-up doll.
- What is so brilliant with a Arabian blow-up doll? They blow themselves up.
- I traded my blowup doll in for a middle eastern version.. It blows itself up..
- My girfriends a blow up doll She takes my breath away
- I had a horrible night last night My blow up doll ran off with my air mattress
- I brought gifts to an orphanage to cheer the kids up Apparently, blow up dolls are not consider toys especially after they explode.
- "Why is your blow up doll half deflated?" "She was getting a little heavy.."
- What do all Muslim girls want for Christmas? Blow up dolls.
- I got a blow up doll, that was Made in Baghdad Problem is... it blew itself up
- I used to 69 with my blow up doll But due to inflation now we only 96.
Blow Whistle Jokes
Here is a list of funny blow whistle jokes and even better blow whistle puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Husband: Hunny, when I die... I want you to cremate me and put me in a whistle so you can blow me one last time.
- Did you hear about the man who couldn't stop blowing his "duck call" whistle? He was addicted to quack.
- I was going on my first date and my mom gave me a whistle... I asked her what purpose does this serve to which she replied, "to remind you not to blow it."
- Why women say they're bad at Tinder? That's like being bad at whistling. You just put your lips together and blow.
- How do you blow a movie quote? You just put your lips together and whistle
- Why did the referee blow his whistle at the l**... hockey game? There was a face off at centre ice.
- The r**... advice hotline hung up on me today... Apparently "How do I stop them from blowing a r**... whistle?" wasn't a valid question
- The last time I was in the ocean, it was so rough I had to blow my r**... whistle.
Blow Pop Jokes
Here is a list of funny blow pop jokes and even better blow pop puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A little boy says to his sister: "Guess what sis, I have two Blow Pops!" Sister: "Oh thank God, that means he won't make me do it tonight."
- What do you call someone who chokes on a blow pop? A lollygagger!
- What's a women with an elderly f**... favorite candy? Blow Pops
Blow Me Jokes
Here is a list of funny blow me jokes and even better blow me puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do viking ships communicate with each other? Norse code
I'm gonna keep making these jokes until one blows up - My marriage was a like a hurricane. At the beginning there was a lot of blowing, but in the end I lost my house.
- What's the difference between having the same job for 20 years and having the same wife for 20 years? The job still blows.
- I don't use pepper spray when I'm being robbed I just open my wallet and blow the dust into their eyes.
- My wife likes to say marrying me was like winning the lottery... I like to remind her that most lottery winners blow their winnings.
- What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common? They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.
- A gay deer goes into a bar..... A gay deer goes into a bar, hangs out for a couple of hours, blows 42 bucks.
- I like to stand in the corner at parties and blow on anyone who walks by. People hate it, but I'm a fan.
- "When I stick it in my mouth, do you want me to look into your eyes?" "Ma'am, just blow in the breathalyzer, please."
- Whenever I'm at the therapist's waiting room, I stand in one corner and blow air at people. Everyone hates it, but I'm a fan.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Blow Jokes
What funny jokes about blow you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean puff jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blow pranks.
Which one doesn't belong: eggs, your wife, or a b**...?
The b**.... You can beat your eggs and your wife but you can't beat a b**....
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit
down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there
s**... back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says,
"How would you boys like a b**...?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him
unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do
that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting
a job!"
A whale tale
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...."
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
My girlfriend just freaked me out...
she gave me a b**... but insisted on role playing as a 12 year old.f**... weird and g**.... I was like "You're going to be 12 in a couple of months, what's the rush?
A guy walks into a bar...
sits down and orders 10 shots one after the other without saying anything.
When he finally stops, the bartender is curious and asks him what the shots were for.
"My first b**..." the man replies.
"Oh" the bartender says, "Well then in that case let me give you one on the house."
"No, thanks," the man says "if 10 can't get the taste out of my mouth 11 sure won't."
Two gay guys live together
The first guy says, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll hide, and if you find me I'll blow you."
The second guys says, "What if I can't find you?"
He says, "I'll be behind the piano."
What are the two most important holes on a woman?
The Nostrils. So she can breathe while giving me a b**....
*My 10 year old brother told me this today
Sick day.
A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a b**.... Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."
He calls back an hour later and says, "Just letting you know, I'm on my way to work. I feel great now. And by the way, you have a nice house."
Why does a bride smile as she walks down the aisle?
She knows she's given her last b**....
The groom, waiting in the church for his bride, has a huge grin on his face...
..."What is wrong with you", asks the best man, "don't you know your life is over?" "No it's not", says the groom, "Last night, I got the best b**... in the history of blow jobs, and I'm marrying this girl. My life is set." Meanwhile in the bride's room, she too has a huge grin on her face. "What is wrong with you", asks the bride's maid, "don't you know your life is over?" "No it's not", says the bride, "Last night, I gave the last b**... I ever have to."
My love is like a candle
If you don't blow me before bed I'll burn your house down
68
A man urges his wife to try a new s**... position - The . Curious, she asks about what romantic and exotic position her husband wants to try. "Well honey" he answers, "it's quite simple, you give me a b**..., and I owe you one"
Little Johnny catches his mom and dad...
Mom and dad are having s**... when little Johnny walks in. Quickly, dad tells him to leave. When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddy's get a big tummy and mommy's have to jump on it so it will deflate. Then Johnny replies, "But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?"
7 shots
So a man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 7 v**... shots
The bartender asks the man what's the special occasion the man says
" I just experienced my first b**..." .
And the bartender says "congrats how about a 8th shot on the house" and the man goes
" if 7 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will
I blow, but I don't s**.... I whip, but don't do chains. Some watch me and feel proud, while others feel ashamed. What am I?
I am a flag.
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind....
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?
Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat. But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!
A young priest...
A freshly ordained young priest was walking to his newly assigned parish in the inner city. As he walked down the street, a p**... stopped him and said, "Hey father, $20 for a b**...." The priest had never heard of such a thing and hurried away from the p**....
When he arrived at the church he was greeted by the Mother Superior who showed him around the place and guided him to his room. Before she left the priest alone in his room, she asked if he had any questions.
The young priest said, "I do have one question, Mother Superior, what is a b**...?"
And the old nun says, "Twenty bucks, same as on the street."
They say us men all think with our d**......
but all I want is a woman who will blow my mind.
A guy walks into a bar
He orders 9 scotches, straight up.
Bartender: "Wow, that's a a lot of scotch. You must be celebrating?"
Guy: "Yes. My first b**...."
Bartender: "Well then, the tenth one is me!"
Guy: "If the first nine don't get the taste out of my mouth, ten won't either."
Do you remember when you were a kid and you'd just sit a blow bubbles all afternoon?
Well, Bubbles is back in town and wondering how you're doing these days...
Women Think Differently
Husband's Text Message by cell phone:
"Honey, got hit by car when I was out of office. Paula brought me to Hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays now. Blow to my head very strong, fortunately it didn't cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in left leg, and they may have to amputate right foot.
Wife's Text Response by Cell Phone:
"Who's Paula?"
Whats the difference between a big mac and a b**...?
You don't know? Good, we will do lunch tomorrow....
Whats the difference between a steak, an egg, and a b**...?
You can beat your meat and beat an egg, but you sure cant beat a b**...
A man on fire
A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.
My buddy's first b**...
My buddy Matt walks into a bar goes up to the bartender and asks for 5 shots of whiskey.
Bartender looks wide eyed and says, "5 shots?! whats the occasion young fella?"
Matt says, "My first b**..."
Bartender replies, "First b**... eh? you know what? Ill give you a sixth shot, on the house. Congrats!"
Matt, disgusted, looks at the barkeep and says, "6?!?! Are you kidding? If 5 shots wont get the taste out of my mouth, I don't know what will!"
A couple of whales.
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...".
Hardware store
So a woman goes into a hardware store to buy a hinge for a door.
She puts the hinge on the counter, and the guy says, "Excuse me lady, you wanna screw for that hinge?"
And she says, "No, but I'll blow you for that lawn mower."
Have you heard about ISIS's new inflatable s**... dolls
They blow themselves up.
A man comes home to find his wife packing...
He says "Hunny, what are you doing"
"I'm leaving you and going to Vegas!"
"Why?"
"I heard you can make $400 a b**... out there!"
The husband starts packing and his wife asks, "What are you doing?"
"I'm coming with you! I want to see how you live on $800 a year!"
A husband sends a text to his wife.
Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be serious. Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.
Wife's Response:
Who is Tina?
A woman's husband dies and gets cremated
She takes the ashes home, puts them on the porch and says, "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know that new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispered, "You know that b**... I promised you? Well, here it comes"
A man walks into a bar and orders 11 shots.
The the bartender pours the shots and asks the man what the occasion is. The man says "First time for a b**... today." The bartender congratulated the man and said "For such an occasion, I'll add a 12th shot on the house." The man said "Nah, don't worry about it. If 11 doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, 12 won't either."
The Way Women Think
Husband's Message (by text):
"Darling, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have been doing tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, should not have any serious or lasting effect but, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture of the left leg and they may have to amputate my right foot. Fingers crossed!"
Wife's Response:
"Who's Paula?"
Paying a clown to blow up balloons at a party is pretty expensive.
Must be inflation.
A priest is doing some community work downtown...
...when he is propositioned by a h**....
"Hey Father, I'll give the best b**... of your life for $10."
Confused, the priest replies "No thank you, my dear."
Later, back at the church, he approaches one of the nuns.
"Sister, this is kind of embarrassing, but what's a b**...?"
"Oh, you know," says the nun, "$10, same as downtown."
A guy asks for a tattoo on his........
A guy asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his private parts. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that.
He replies, "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and $100 seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."
How do you stop a woman giving you a b**...?
Marry her.
Blow-up dolls
I went to my local s**... shop last night to get a new blow-up doll. As I was looking at them the clerk came up to me and asked if I needed help?
I said yes and he asked if I wanted a male or female?
I said a female and he asked blonde or brunette?
I said blonde. Then he asked Muslim or Christian?
I asked what's the difference?
He said the Muslim blows itself up.
Husband send a text to his wife
Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.
Wife's response:
>Who's Paula?
After my friend passed away I got his sibling a parrot to soften the blow.
I also taught it to say, "Dave, it's your brother. Reincarnation is real!"
Remember when you were young and you used to blow bubbles?
Well I heard he's out of prison and he's been looking for you...
A man approaches a p**...
"how much for a b**...?"
"$30"
"Can you do 20?"
"sure"
"Great here's $600"
What is an extremist's favourite thing to have s**... with?
A blow up doll
Did you hear ISIS secretly makes s**... toys?
They specialise in blow up dolls
Bill Clinton said Hillary is clearly the best choice for president...
He knows for a fact there is no chance she'll blow it.
Did you know ISIS has its own s**... toy factory?
There specialise in blow up dolls
What's the difference between a mad engineer and a mad scientist?
The mad engineer builds an efficient, well-desined death ray and destroys the world in one blow.
The mad scientist builds his death ray and divides the world into three randomised groups: an experimental group to be killed, a control group to be spared and a group that is told they are dead to account for the placebo effect.
What's the difference between a burger, and a b**...?
You don't know?
Let's do lunch sometime!
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best b**... I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last b**... of my entire life."
Today I woke up to a b**.....
..never falling asleep with my mouth open again.
What do the English use to blow up their enemies?
Tea N' Tea.
Some Muslims were having an argument on my street the other day...
I wanted to step in, but I was afraid it would blow up in my face.
I Hadn't been into a s**... shop in a long time.
Blow up dolls cost a lot more than they used to...
I guess that's from all the inflation.
I was on this plane once...
Captain sets for take off and we are 35000 feet in the air, the captain then sets his mic down but forgets to turn it off.
The captain turns to the co-pilot and says "all I could use right now is a b**... and a cup of coffee".
The stewardess starts running from the back of the plane to tell the captain he still has his mic on.
A guy in the back of the plane screams out "hey hun, don't forget the coffee!".
Two Arabs sit in the Gaza s**..., enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk.
One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.
"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son. He's also a martyr!"
The second Arab nods, They blow up so fast, don't they?"
If a woman says, "all men think with their d**..."
Well... then blow my mind.
How are a grenade and a girlfriend similar?
If they're good ones, they'll both blow really well.
What Did the Muslim t**... Say?
Who you gota blow to get some virgins around here?
Well, it's getting to that time of year when my wife gets drunk and gives her annual b**....
I hope it's me this year!
A Guy Walks Into A s**... Shop....
He asks for a blow up doll.
And the owner asks male or female?
He says male please.
The owner then asks white or black?
He says white please.
The owner finally asks American or Muslim?
The guy asks what's the difference??
The owner replies, the Muslim blows itself up.
Why did H blow itself up?
Because G had.
I had a huge home party last night and I was unpleasantly woken up by a surprise b**....
Next time I'll sleep with my mouth closed.
Working holiday
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
"Where are you going?" he asks.
"I'm going to Las Vegas. I can earn $200 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do for you for free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
"Where are you going?" the wife asks.
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you can live on $200 a year."
Two tugboat captains have been friends for years.
They would always cry, "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other.
A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What do they do that for?"
The mate looked surprised and replied, "You mean that you've never heard of ... an aye for an aye?"
Woke up to a b**... earlier.
That's the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open..
