blow Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious blow puns

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

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Which one doesn't belong: eggs, your wife, or a blow job?

The blow job. You can beat your eggs and your wife but you can't beat a blow job.

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What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

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A house of cards is really fragile

One blow from a little kid and it all comes tumbling down

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I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist's waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by...

Most people hate it, but I'm a fan...

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The Nintendo 64 turned 18 today

Now you can legally blow the cartridges.

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Photographers are so violent.

They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you.

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I walked into a bar and saw this girl wearing a Falcons jersey.

I walked up and introduced myself as, "25 point lead".

"Is that your real name?", she asked.

I said, "No, but I figured anyone wearing a Falcons jersey would blow a 25 point lead."

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My gf said men only think with their penis.

I told her to go ahead and blow my mind.

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Blowjobs do not relieve headaches

The other day, I had an astoundingly painful headache and I couldn't help but complain about it to my girlfriend. She surprised me by saying, "Ya know, blowjobs can be a natural cure for a headache..."
So, I thought it was worth a shot. But that day I learned my girlfriend is damned a liar.
I sucked three dicks and my head still fucking hurt.

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What's the difference between a Penis and a paycheck?

After five years your Wife will still blow your paycheck

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I asked my girlfriend to 68 today

She said What's that?

I said That's when you blow me and I owe you one.

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The Nintendo 64 turns 18 this week...

Which means you can now legally blow the cartridges.

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A husband sends a text to his wife.

Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be serious. Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.

Wife's Response:
Who is Tina?

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What food makes women stop giving blow jobs?

Wedding cake

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Wearing Crocs is like getting a blow job from a dude...

It feels really good until you look down, and realize how gay you are.

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Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer

Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.

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Sick day.

A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a blow job. Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."

He calls back an hour later and says, "Just letting you know, I'm on my way to work. I feel great now. And by the way, you have a nice house."

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I stopped my car beside a prostitute last night.

As she got in I asked, *"How much for a blow job?"*

She said, *"Thirty dollars."*

I said, *"Can you do twenty?"*

*"Yeah, okay"*, she replied.

I said, *"Great, here's $600 then."*

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What's the difference between my dick and my paycheck?

I don't have to beg my wife to blow my paycheck.

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What's the difference between a burger, and a blow job?

You don't know?

Let's do lunch sometime!

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Woke up to a blow job earlier.

That's the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open..

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Inventor displays the first knife ever.

His friend, "that's the greatest invention since bread"
Inventor, "well I'm about to blow your mind"

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So I walked into a sex shop the other day...

Me: I'm looking for a blow up doll

Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender?

Me: I'd like a female.

Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim?

Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What's the difference?

Manager: Well, there really is none between the Christian and Protestant. However, the Muslim will blow itself up.

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I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

‎...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

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Which doesn't belong: Meat, a Blow Job, Your Wife, An Egg

A Blowjob, you can beat your Meat, you can beat your wife, and you can beat an egg, but you can't beat a blow job

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Why did the vegetarian hate giving blow jobs?

She was a lesbian.

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First Blowjob

A young man walks into a bar, orders five shots of whisky, and quickly downs them all.

The bartender says, "Whoa there buddy. That's a lot of shots. What's going on?"

The man replies, "First blowjob today."

The bartender says, "Well congratulations! I'll tell you what, have another drink. It's on me."

"No thanks." says the man, "If the first five didn't get the taste out of my mouth, I doubt the sixth is going to do much."

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How do you blow up a Muslim's iPhone?

Put it into airplane mode.

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Wearing crocs is like getting a blow job from a guy...

....it feels good but then you look down and realize you're gay.

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I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

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What's the difference between a penis and a paycheck?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

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Well, it's getting to that time of year when my wife gets drunk and gives her annual blow job.

I hope it's me this year!

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My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly

I'm not a fan.

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First blowjob!

A man goes to a bar and orders 10 shots of jaeger. The bartender says wow, thats a lot, you celebrating?

The man says yes! My first blowjob!

The bartender says congrats! Why 10?

The man says if that won't get the taste out, nothing will.

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What are the most funny Blow jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Blow? Well, here are the best Blow dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Blow pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes