Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Blow Jokes
I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.
It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
Which one doesn't belong: eggs, your wife, or a b**...?
The b**.... You can beat your eggs and your wife but you can't beat a b**....
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit
down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there
s**... back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says,
"How would you boys like a b**...?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him
unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do
that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting
a job!"
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
What are the two most important holes on a woman?
The Nostrils. So she can breathe while giving me a b**....
*My 10 year old brother told me this today
Sick day.
A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a b**.... Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."
He calls back an hour later and says, "Just letting you know, I'm on my way to work. I feel great now. And by the way, you have a nice house."
68
A man urges his wife to try a new s**... position - The . Curious, she asks about what romantic and exotic position her husband wants to try. "Well honey" he answers, "it's quite simple, you give me a b**..., and I owe you one"
Why did the fan blow itself?
Because it was turned on!
Little Johnny catches his mom and dad...
Mom and dad are having s**... when little Johnny walks in. Quickly, dad tells him to leave. When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddy's get a big tummy and mommy's have to jump on it so it will deflate. Then Johnny replies, "But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?"
The Nintendo 64 turns 18 this week...
Which means you can now legally blow the cartridges.
I don't use pepper spray when I'm being robbed
I just open my wallet and blow the dust into their eyes.
You can explore blow exhale reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean blow wind dad jokes. There are also blow puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man on fire
A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.
A man comes home to find his wife packing...
He says "Hunny, what are you doing"
"I'm leaving you and going to Vegas!"
"Why?"
"I heard you can make $400 a b**... out there!"
The husband starts packing and his wife asks, "What are you doing?"
"I'm coming with you! I want to see how you live on $800 a year!"
A husband sends a text to his wife.
Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be serious. Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.
Wife's Response:
Who is Tina?
What do you call a principal who gives good blow jobs?
A headmaster.
This will blow your mind!
If you take the pin out of a grenade and put your ear to the hole you can hear the faint sound of the world wide I.Q average increasing.
My girlfriend doesn't like it when I ask her to blow cool air on me
She is not a fan.
How do you stop a woman giving you a b**...?
Marry her.
Husband send a text to his wife
Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.
Wife's response:
>Who's Paula?
What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?
They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.
The Nintendo 64 turned 18 today
Now you can legally blow the cartridges.
Photographers are so violent.
They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you.
What is an extremist's favourite thing to have s**... with?
A blow up doll
How do you blow up a Muslim's iPhone?
Put it into airplane mode.
Did you hear ISIS secretly makes s**... toys?
They specialise in blow up dolls
Did you know ISIS has its own s**... toy factory?
There specialise in blow up dolls
What's the difference between a burger, and a b**...?
You don't know?
Let's do lunch sometime!
Today I woke up to a b**.....
..never falling asleep with my mouth open again.
I was on this plane once...
Captain sets for take off and we are 35000 feet in the air, the captain then sets his mic down but forgets to turn it off.
The captain turns to the co-pilot and says "all I could use right now is a b**... and a cup of coffee".
The stewardess starts running from the back of the plane to tell the captain he still has his mic on.
A guy in the back of the plane screams out "hey hun, don't forget the coffee!".
I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist's waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by...
Most people hate it, but I'm a fan...
Well, it's getting to that time of year when my wife gets drunk and gives her annual b**....
I hope it's me this year!
Inventor displays the first knife ever.
His friend, "that's the greatest invention since bread"
Inventor, "well I'm about to blow your mind"
I like my women like I like my grenades
Hanging around my belt and ready to blow.
I had a huge home party last night and I was unpleasantly woken up by a surprise b**....
Next time I'll sleep with my mouth closed.
Why did the vegetarian hate giving blow jobs?
She was a lesbian.
Working holiday
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
"Where are you going?" he asks.
"I'm going to Las Vegas. I can earn $200 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do for you for free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
"Where are you going?" the wife asks.
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you can live on $200 a year."
Two tugboat captains have been friends for years.
They would always cry, "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other.
A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What do they do that for?"
The mate looked surprised and replied, "You mean that you've never heard of ... an aye for an aye?"
Woke up to a b**... earlier.
That's the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open..
What food makes women stop giving blow jobs?
Wedding cake
I stopped my car beside a p**... last night.
As she got in I asked, *"How much for a b**...?"*
She said, *"Thirty dollars."*
I said, *"Can you do twenty?"*
*"Yeah, okay"*, she replied.
I said, *"Great, here's $600 then."*
So I walked into a s**... shop the other day...
Me: I'm looking for a blow up doll
Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender?
Me: I'd like a female.
Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim?
Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What's the difference?
Manager: Well, there really is none between the Christian and Protestant. However, the Muslim will blow itself up.
I walked into a bar and saw this girl wearing a Falcons jersey.
I walked up and introduced myself as, "25 point lead".
"Is that your real name?", she asked.
I said, "No, but I figured anyone wearing a Falcons jersey would blow a 25 point lead."
Saw two druggies having a '69' in the park earlier on.
He was on crack, she was on blow.
I like to stand in the corner at parties and blow on anyone who walks by.
People hate it, but I'm a fan.
Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer
Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.
I went to a brothel and met a p**...
I asked her what are the prices?
She said:
£20 for a h**...
£50 for a b**...
£80 for s**...
And for £120, i'll do anything!
Anything hmmm....
She's now fitting my downstairs bathroom and repainting my living room.
You can ge some real bargains if you shop around!
s**... education
Dave's wife said to him, "If our kids are old enough to ask a question about s**..., then they are old enough to be told a truthful answer."
Just then his son came home from school and asked him what a b**... was.
"Son," said Dave, "I can't remember."
A house of cards is really fragile
One blow from a little kid and it all comes tumbling down
What do female reindeer do for fun?
Go into town and blow a couple hundred bucks.
What's the definition of trust?
Two gay cannibals giving each other a b**...
A young man sits down at a bar and says, "I want six shots of Jagermeister."
"Six shots!?" exclaims the bartender, "Are you celebrating something?"
"My first b**...," replies the young man.
"Well, in that case," says the bartender, slapping him on the back, "let me give you a seventh on the house."
The man holds up his hand, "No offense, sir. But if six shots don't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
I asked my girlfriend to 68 today
She said What's that?
I said That's when you blow me and I owe you one.
My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly
I'm not a fan.
"When I stick it in my mouth, do you want me to look into your eyes?"
"Ma'am, just blow in the breathalyzer, please."
Whenever I'm at the therapist's waiting room, I stand in one corner and blow air at people.
Everyone hates it, but I'm a fan.
Do you know why women f**... after they pee?
They can't shake it so they need to blow dry.
My wife likes to say marrying me was like winning the lottery...
I like to remind her that most lottery winners blow their winnings.
The guy at my local music shop asked me why I'm always coming in to buy new harmonicas
I told him "I blow right through them"
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
Where the h**... do you think you're going? he says.
I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
Where do you think you going? the wife asks.
I'm coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!
Why doesn't James Bond f**... in bed ?
Because, it would blow his cover.
It blows when i...
Read read as read and not read, so i have to re-read read as read so i can read read correctly and it can make sense
Two elderly men
Got wasted drunk one evening and decided to go to a brothel.
The madam seeing how out of it both of them were decided to give them blow up dolls instead of real women.
The next day the two old men met up again and started sharing their experiences of the previous night.
The first one went.
"I think mine was dead. I moved her, shook her. No reaction whatsoever".
The other guy said.
"This is nothing. I'm convinced mine was a witch. In the heat of the moment as we were going at it I bit her a**.... She let out a massive f**.... Then flew out the window taking my dentures with her."
I once had 4 blowouts at once, but managed to drive on the metal of my rims from New York to New Jersey. I did pretty good, but the hero of the moment was my car.
It worked tirelessly.
James Bond always holds his farts while in bed
Otherwise he would blow his cover.
(Look I'm not funny this was my first and only attempt so sorry X\_X)
The Hitman gets fired!
A very dumb fella wanted to be a Hitman for the Mafia. But he got fired after he failed miserably on his first job!
He burned his lips on the tailpipe of the car he was suppose to blow up!
Blowing up a Balloon.
My niece had a p**... baby that spent 2 weeks on a ventilator because her lungs were not fully developed yet. She continued to have breathing problems as a toddler and needed to you inhalers to get enough oxygen.
On her 3rd birthday, she insisted on helping her mom decorate for her party. And despite her chronic breathing issues, that little girl was able to blow up a balloon faster than the entire United States Air Force.
Any good mechanic will tell you that it's very easy to blow a seal...
However, most zoologists disagree ;)
