Blood Test Jokes
103 blood test jokes and hilarious blood test puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blood test that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Blood Test Short Jokes
Short blood test jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blood test humour may include short blood draw jokes also.
- A rabbit, an imam, and a priest walk into a blood test centre. A nurse approaches the rabbit and asks, Do you know what blood type you are? The rabbit responds with: I think I might be a Type-O.
- I can't believe I got fired from my job at the DNA testing facility. After all the blood, sweat, and tears I put in.
- I was kicked out of the house by my Asian parents because I got an O for my blood test instead of an A+.
I thought of this joke myself, but I'm not sure if someone else made it earlier than me. - "I'm off to taiwan for a blood test." "Taipei?" "Well, I won't know my blood type until I get there."
- A white supremacist gets tested for diseases So much for their "pure blood" claim, the only thing that came up negative was their IQ test.
- I just got my first A+! I am so excited! I never thought I would score so high on a blood test!
- being an asian kid is tough, i got frowned by my parents because i got B+ for my test
it was blood test - An Asian student's mom was reading the test result "Why do you only get a B- ?! You bring shame to our family"
"But mom, it is a blood test" - I was feeling depressed. . I was feeling depressed so I went to the doctor to get a blood test.
A week later he called me back with the results and said B positive, it's in your blood. - I don't ever get blood tests. It's not because I'm afraid of needles or anything.
It's just that my blood's under enough pressure as is.
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Blood Test One Liners
Which blood test one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blood test? I can suggest the ones about blood drive and blood type.
- Was paranoid because I had a blood test Still got an A+
- My Asian friend had a blood test His parents nearly disowned him when he got B+
- I'm really good at blood tests Every time I take one I get an A+
- So I got my blood test results back... apparently I did good, got an A+
- My highest test grade I'll always be proud of is my blood test... A+
- Yo Mamma's so dumb.... She stayed up all night studying for her blood test
- What did Sonic the hedgehog say 24 hours before he got a blood test? Gotta go fast.
- No matter how much I study I always get a B- on my blood test
- Got an A- on my blood test Will have to do better next time, but I'm getting there!
- What's a crips biggest fear? A blood test.
- I got my first A+ on a test today... It was a blood test...
- I didn't study for my blood test. Still, I got an "A".
- She is so blonde, she studied for a blood test.
- There's one test I will never fail A blood test I always get an A+
- I made an A+ on my blood test.
Blood Test Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about blood test you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean blood cells jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blood test pranks.
Yo mama's so s**... she studies for a blood test.
Q: What type of exam does the vampire teacher give his students?
A: A blood test.
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his.
The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him.
As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
An old woman goes to the doctor's office.
The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and u**... tests."
The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."
Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic.
Bill happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.
"So? Are you afraid?"
"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger."
As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.
Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"
To which Bob replied, "I came for a u**... test!"
Two children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying.
"Why are you crying?" asked the other child.
"I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger."
When he heard this, the other child started to cry.
"Why are you crying?"
"I’m here for a u**... test."
Chuck Norris' blood is the only blood to test positive for kickass.
Yo mama's so s**... she studied for blood test and failed.
Chuck Noris once got his blood tested.
His blood type was AK-47.
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is 130."
What type of exam does the vampire teacher give his students? A blood test.
Onomatopoeia
A man walks into a doctor's office. He describes his symptoms to the doctor, and the doctor decides to run some blood tests on him to figure out the problem. After the test results come back, the doctor approaches the man and says, "Sir, I'm sorry, but you're suffering from a severe case of Onomatopoeia." The man, looking frightened, replies, "Onomatopoeia...what is that?"
Said the doctor, "It's just what it sounds like."
Are my t**... black?
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my t**... black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
t**... black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**...
in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over...
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test. I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack. Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test. Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death. Ok, the cop answers then I will need a u**... sample. Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low. Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me. Can't do that either responds Jim. Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop. Well, because I'm drunk!
What did the white guy do before taking a blood test?
He studied.
You know the story of the guy who looked pale, right?
This o**... is looking really pale, so his friend tells him ¨dude, you're anemic¨. Of course, our guy doesn't believe this, so his friend says ¨I know about these symptoms, you're definitely anemic¨ and bets him 25 bucks on this. "OK", our guy says, "challenge accepted." Together they go to the doctor. While his friend waits outside, the doctor runs some tests, takes some blood, the whole shebang, and after the doctor finishes and gives his diagnosis, the pale guy triumphantically walks out of the hospital and happily greets his friend.
¨So, did you have anemia as I told you?¨, his friend asks. To which he happily blurts out:
¨No dude, you owe me 25 bucks! Doc says I have stomach cancer :)¨
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my t**... black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
t**... black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**...
gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"
An elderly couple go to the doctor......
for the husbands annual physical. The husband is hard of hearing and he and the wife sit at the doctors desk after his exam. The doctor starts talking and tells the husband he is ordering some tests, and he'll need to provide a u**... sample, a stool sample, and a blood sample.
The husband looks over to his wife and asks: "what did he just say?" The wife replies "give him your underwear".
Random Sampling
Two men are at a bar. One of them is a pollster. They are arguing about surveys based on random samples.
Finally, the pollster says: If you don't believe in random sampling, the next time you have a blood test, tell the doctor to take it all.
An old man is lying bed in at the hospital...
An old man is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse, ' he mumbles from behind the mask, are my t**... black?
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.
He struggles to ask again, Nurse, please check for me. Are my t**... black?
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**... in the other.
She looks very closely and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely: Are – my – test – results – back?
A depressed man goes to the hospital to get results for his blood test..
The doctor says, "B+"
Two Children Were Waiting In The Doctor's Waiting Room. The Little Girl Started Crying.
Little Boy Asked Her: Why Are You Crying?
The Girl Said: I'm Here For Blood Test And The Doctor Is Going To Cut My Finger
The Little Boy Too Started Crying.
Girl: Now Why Are You Crying?
Boy: I'm Here For The u**... Test
Why did the man get a blood test?
Just to b positive he's okay.
Went to the doctor last week to discuss my blood test results..
You must stop with the eggs Mister.
is my cholesterol high?
No, your farts are killing me.
My doctor asked if I was happy with my blood test results...
I told him it was definitely a positive so I don't wanna b negative
What did the Mexican lab technician say when he read the blood tests of a patient who's been showing no improvement?
Ooh, no dose trace.
I go to the doctors office...
And tell the doctor that I've been having headaches and pains in my side.
The doctor says, "We'll run every test we can." then takes some blood and leaves the room.
The doctor comes in a short time later and says "Sir, this is pretty serious, I need to ask you to stop m**...."
Horrified I ask "Why? What's wrong doctor?"
He says "I'm trying to examine you."
Why was the young mosquito up all night and stressed out?
He was studying for a blood test
Success
Yesterday i got a blood test. Today the result came out and it was A+
Have to say that success is in the blood.
There is now a blood test to determine gender attraction.
It checks homogloben levels.
I applied for a position as a stenographer, but I was disqualified when the blood test came back.
Turns out I'm Type-O Plentiful.
I recently found out my blood type is A+
However, in my tests I only get B or less. Doesn't success run in my blood?
pair of your underwear
A doctor tells an old couple at his office he needs to get a stool sample, a u**... sample, and a blood test from the old man.
Hard of hearing, the old man asks his wife what the doctor said.
The wife replies, "He needs a pair of your underwear."
What's the best blood type?
A+ because it's the highes you can get in a blood test.
I really s**... at school, the only time I got an A+
is at the blood test.
Had a blood test the other day.
I did really well, A+
Guy gets a call from his doctor.
"Your blood test results are in... I'm sorry to tell you that you have contracted leprosy," says the doctor.
"What? How?" Guy exclaims.
"Can't be sure, but we need to discuss treatment options. There is a cure, but it is extremely expensive."
"What choice do I have, doc?" Guy laments. "How much will it cost?"
"An arm and a leg."
A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"
The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."
The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a u**... test."
Tests
Two guys were crying in front of a hospital when they meet a common friend of theirs. The friend asked them why they were crying.
First guy: I was here for a blood test and they cut my finger for blood sample.
The friend said it's perfectly natural and thats how they take a sample. The second guy immediately started crying harder then before. The friend got confused and asked him what happened.
Second guy: I'm here for u**... test.
Yo mama so s**......
...she failed her blood test
"You look exhausted."
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
My friend asked me to teach blood relations for aptitude test.........
I told him to watch game of thrones and figure it out the family trees
A nurse kept Jim's finger in her mouth after his blood test because they didn't have plasters. Jim began to giggle.
Nurse: what's so funny?
Jim: I have my u**... test next.
I'm thinking about getting my blood tested
I'm scared of A negative result, but I'll try to B positive.
When he got home from the doctor, why was the Asian youth beaten by his parents?
He got a B+ on his blood test.
The attorney tells his client the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is 130."
My dad went for a blood glucose level test, this was way back in the 90's. After the test procedure was done, the nurse said, " your blood glucose levels are very high." To which my dad said, " Oh sweet!"
God bless his soul
Mom, I finally got an A on a test!
Mom: What test?
Me: A blood test!
A man isn't feeling well, so he goes to the doctor's office.
The doctor takes blood and runs a few tests, takes a few other samples, and runs a few more tests. He finally finishes his diagnosis, and begins delivering the results.
"Sir," says the doctor, "I have good news, and bad news. Which would you like first?"
"Give me the good news, doc."
"Well, you're going to be famous!"
"Really? How's that?" Questions the man.
"They're going to name a disease after you!"
I did really good on my blood test today
Doctor said I got A+
An 80 year old man walks into the doctor's office
After the examination, the doctor says: "Sir, you have to give blood, f**..., u**... and if possible s**... for tests." The man replied: "Well, doctor, I'm in a bit of a hurry, will it be okay if I just left my underpants?"
An Asian family went to the doctor for some blood tests
The father asked, "What is my son's blood type?"
The doctor said, "B."
He glared at his son. "I am very disappointed in you."
Took a blood test today.
Got an A-.
I got a 5 in my IQ test!
That "alcohol in blood" thing had a funny name for an intelligence test.
My doctor was telling me that my blood tests had a typo
So I guess it's pretty cool to be a universal donor.
I got an A for a test and didn't even study.
My parents both got a B for the test but I don't know how, there wasn't even a single question in that blood test.
A blonde woman showed up to her doctor's office looking disheveled and with bags under her eyes
The doctor told her that she looked exhausted.
The blonde woman replied, I am. Ever since your nurse told me yesterday that I had to come in for a Blood test I have been studying non-stop
A man walks into a hospital ward and starts inspecting all of the bed charts.
A doctor notices this and says, "Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"
The man ignores the doctor and continues, now taking everyone's blood pressure.
"Sir, I'll ask you again", says the doctor, "why are you here and what are you doing?"
Ignoring the doctor again, the man then begins to take everyone's blood and starts processing it through the hospital's examination equipment.
"Right!" Shouts the doctor. "Now you're testing my patients!"
English Football joke.
A policeman stops a suspected drunk driver and asks him to take a
breath test, the driver pulls out a medical card which says 'this man
is asthmatic please do not take his breath.'
So the policeman asks him to take a blood test, the man then
pulls out another card which read 'this man is anemic, please
do not take his blood'. Finally the police, getting p**... off asks
him to take a u**... test, finally the man pulled out his
Manchester United season ticket which read 'this man is a
Manchester United fan, please do not take the p**....
(Edit works with other teams as well.)
An man goes to the doctor's office for a blood test
An man goes to the doctor's office for a blood test.
The doctor tells him he is obese and has to become more healthy.so the man tells the doctor obesity runs in my family
the doctor says to the man obesity doesn't run in your family, nobody runs in your family
James finds Timmy crying at a hospital...
"Timmy!" James exclaims, "What happened?"
"I had a blood test today, and the doctor stabbed a massive needle into my arm," Timmy responds.
James then proceeds to cry more hysterically than Timmy.
Timmy looks over and asks, "Why are you suddenly crying now?"
James wails, "Because I have a u**... test later!"