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Blood Jokes

192 blood jokes and hilarious blood puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blood that are clean and suitable for kids and friends. We've covered all the best giving blood jokes, period blood jokes, vampire blood jokes.

Best Short Blood Jokes

Short blood jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blood humour may include short bone jokes also.

  1. I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"
  2. My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
  3. I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for my ex Now she'll know what rejection feels like
  4. A priest, a Baptist minister, and a rabbit walk into the Red Cross to donate blood The nurse asks, what's your blood type?
    The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O"
  5. My grandfather died because the medical report said he had Type A blood. Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
  6. Why haven't I ever met a full blooded jew? All of the ones I've met have just been Jew-ish
  7. What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common? Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...
  8. I told the ambulance guys the wrong blood type for my ex Now she should understand what rejection feels like.
  9. I was going to donate blood today but they started asking way too many personal questions like... Whose blood is this?!"
    Where did you get it?!"
  10. Doctor: I think the patient is dying. What's his blood type? Nurse: B positive.
    Doctor: Okay. I think the patient is going to make it.

Quick Jump To


Blood joke, Doctor: I think the patient is dying. What's his blood type?


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about blood can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of blood puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Blood One Liners

Which blood one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blood? I can suggest the ones about cells and skin.

  1. A man was drinking the blood of a vampire... He said, "Hm, irony"
  2. I have bathed in the blood of virgins! I had a nosebleed in the shower.
  3. The last time I was someone's type. I was donating blood.
  4. Whenever I'm sad I just read my blood donor ID. It always says B positive .
  5. What's Autocorrect's blood type? typo negative
  6. My motto in life is to always give 100% It does make blood donation quite tricky.
  7. What do Taylor Swift and charlie sheen have in common? Bad blood.
  8. What blood type do happy people have? B Positive.
  9. What is The Fonz's blood type? A
  10. What type of blood does a keyboard have? Typo
  11. They told me i had type A blood. But it was a type O.
  12. Whatever you do in life, give 100%... unless you're giving blood.
  13. Two red blood cells met and fell in love but alas, it was in vein.
  14. A vampires favorite ship Is a blood vessel.
  15. I never misspell words. My blood is typo negative

Blood Type Jokes

Here is a list of funny blood type jokes and even better blood type puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A priest, a lawyer, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank... ... and the nurse asks, "what types are you?"
    The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O."
  • A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walk in to a blood donation clinic The nurse asked the rabbit, What's your blood type?
    I'm probably a type-O said the rabbit.
  • My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type As he died, he kept insisting be positive , but it's hard without him.
  • My friend died when he couldn't remember his blood type He kept saying "be positive", but it's hard without him.
  • I donate my O- blood as often as allowed, but I don't do it to help others. The blood donation center is just the only place I can go where I'm everyone's type.
  • A priest, an atheist, and a rabbit walk into a blood donor tent The rabbit says "I might be a type O"
  • A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk in to deliver blood. The priest says- I'm a type A
    The minister says- I'm a type B
    The rabbit says- I think I'm a typo
  • My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to be positive, but it's hard without him.
  • TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O". I guess you can call it a typo.
  • A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.. The rabbit says, "I think I might be a type o."

Vampire Blood Jokes

Here is a list of funny vampire blood jokes and even better vampire blood puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Human drinks a vampire's blood. Out of curiosity, the Vampire asks what it tastes like. "It's irony."
  • What kind of boat do vampires like? Blood vessels
  • A vampire walks into a blood bar with a big smile on his face.... The bartender looks at him confused and the vampire says, "Always B positive!"
  • There was a vampire who drank his own blood He said it tasted irony.
  • What do vampire hummingbirds eat? Your blood sugar!
    My wife won't laugh at this :(
  • What does a vampire drink while on a diet? Blood Light®.
  • What do you call a vampire whose car breaks down 3 miles from a blood bank? A cab.
  • It's okay if a vampire drinks his homies' blood. But only if he says "No Hemo" after.
  • What kind of cheap beer do vampires drink? Blood Light
  • What were the names of the two rival vampire gangs? The bloods and the crypts

Blood Test Jokes

Here is a list of funny blood test jokes and even better blood test puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A rabbit, an imam, and a priest walk into a blood test centre. A nurse approaches the rabbit and asks, Do you know what blood type you are? The rabbit responds with: I think I might be a Type-O.
  • Was paranoid because I had a blood test Still got an A+
  • I can't believe I got fired from my job at the DNA testing facility. After all the blood, sweat, and tears I put in.
  • I was kicked out of the house by my Asian parents because I got an O for my blood test instead of an A+.
    I thought of this joke myself, but I'm not sure if someone else made it earlier than me.
  • My Asian friend had a blood test His parents nearly disowned him when he got B+
  • "I'm off to taiwan for a blood test." "Taipei?" "Well, I won't know my blood type until I get there."
  • I'm really good at blood tests Every time I take one I get an A+
  • A white supremacist gets tested for diseases So much for their "pure blood" claim, the only thing that came up negative was their IQ test.
  • So I got my blood test results back... apparently I did good, got an A+
  • My highest test grade I'll always be proud of is my blood test... A+

Donating Blood Jokes

Here is a list of funny donating blood jokes and even better donating blood puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Whatever you do, always give 100% Unless you're donating blood
  • I wish I could donate blood, but last time there were so many questions. "Whose blood is this?"
    "Where did you get it?"
    "Was the bucket sanitized first?"
  • Well I was going to donate blood today until.... the lady got all personal and started asking, "Who's blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
  • I absolutely hate donating blood. As soon as you walk through the door you get bombarded with questions. I absolutely hate when they ask
    Where did you get it?
    Why is it in a bucket?
  • I've always hated donating blood. They always ask way too many questions. Like, "Where did you get the blood" or "Whose blood is this". Like come on, I'm donating just be grateful.
  • I'm never donating blood again. So many questions. "where did you get this blood from?", "whose blood is it?", "why is it in a bucket?".
  • I made a bold donation today Sorry, I meant "blood donation". Type O.
  • Uncle Bill always gave 100% Son: How did he die Dad?
    Dad: He donated blood.
  • what type of blood do ghosts donate? plasma
  • I tried to donate blood to the Red Cross the other day... ...but they wouldn't accept it in a 5 gallon bucket.
    They also said it had to be mine.

Giving Blood Jokes

Here is a list of funny giving blood jokes and even better giving blood puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. Luke: How?
    Darth Vader: I felt your presents.
  • My dad died because we couldn't remember his blood type in time give him a transfusion As he died he kept telling us to "be positive" but it's hard without him.
  • I always give 100% in everything I do Donating blood now, can't wait to add this to the list of thi
  • i tried to donate blood today. it turns out it has to be your own. now they won't give me back my mason jars.
  • I felt super exhausted after giving blood. It's such a draining procedure.
  • You know, as a child I was always told to give one hundred precent at everything I do... Needless to say the blood drive did not go very well.
  • I had a horrible experience giving blood today, the staff were horrible, the needles hurt and I felt really unhappy. Apparently I'm, "a negative".
  • A msn walks into a hospital wanting to give blood. They weren't accepting typO's that day.
  • Women always say they want a gift that comes from the heart... But if you give them blood they freak out.
  • What type of blood do you give to a pessimistic person? B Positive
Blood joke, What type of blood do you give to a pessimistic person?

Great Blood Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about blood you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean bleeding jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make blood prank.

A Vampire walks into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and takes a seat at the bar. When the bartender asks what he'll have to drink the vampire replies, "a glass of hot water." The bartender a bit confused asks, "I thought you vampires drank blood?" The vampire proceeds to pull out a used t**... and replies, "I'm having tea."

Two bats are sitting in a cave...

...one looks at the other a says, "I'm hungry. Think I'll go get some blood". So he flew out of the cave.
About an hour later he returns with his face covered in blood. His buddy looks at him and says, "Wow! How did you get all that blood?".
"Well...", he replies, "you know when you are flying out of the cave, you hang a right and then you see that tree in front of you..."
"Yeah?", says his buddy.
He replies, "Well.....I didn't".

Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over...

Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test. I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack. Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test. Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death. Ok, the cop answers then I will need a u**... sample. Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low. Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me. Can't do that either responds Jim. Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop. Well, because I'm drunk!

A guy found his dog lying in a puddle of blood behind his house

He rang the number for the emergency animal rescue.
'Is it moving?' they asked.
'Yes', he replied. 'It's quite emotional.'

There's now a morning after pill for guys.

It changes your blood type.

An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.

But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".

Jesus at Last Supper

*breaks bread* This is my body
*pours wine* This is my blood
*opens jar of mayo*...
Judas: I'm gonna stop u right there

Two vampire bats are hanging from the ceiling of their cave...

... and one of them says he's hungry, so he flies off to find some food. Within a minute, he's back, blood all round his mouth, looking like he's had a really good meal.
The other bat is amazed, and says, "Where did you find so much blood so fast?"
So the first bat says, "Come with me, I'll show you." And he leads his friend to the mouth of the cave.
"See that big rock there?" He asks.
The other bat nods.
"I didn't."

What kind of blood did the mna have who culdn't spel right?

Typo.

A woman called up St. John's hospital and asked "I want to know if the patient Sarah James in Room No 1438 is getting better"

The nurse replied, "She is doing very well. She had her first solid meal today, her blood pressure is fine and if she continues improving she might even be sent home in a couple of days."
The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful news!"
Nurse: I take it you must be a family member or a close friend!
Woman: No I am Sarah James. No one tells me anything here.

I spent a year writing a romance novel where two blood cells meet and fall in love. It never got published.

It was all in vein.

What's the most commonly misspelt blood group?

Type-O

Did you hear about the man who had his right side cut off

He's dead. Died from blood loss. Poor guy. On the bright side, his family got what's left of him.

Jesus holds up the bread...

Jesus holds up the bread and says, "This is my body."
Next, Jesus hold up the wine and says, "This is my blood."
After that, Jesus holds up the mayonnaise and Peter says, "That's enough!"

I started flossing again recently to remove food from between my teeth

I never realized just how much blood I was eating

Two bats...

were in a cave thirsty for blood. One bat looks to the other and says, "I'm going to look for blood, stay here I'll be back".
He flies out of the cave and returns after a long time with blood dripping out of his mouth.

Excited, the other bat asks him "Where did you find so much blood??".
The other bat says, "you go out of this cave and turn left".
"Yes", replied the other bat, excitedly.
"Then you see a tree"
"Yeah"
"Well, I didn't".

You can hear the blood in your veins

if you listen varicosely

3 vampires walk into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a shot of hot blood.
15 minutes later, a second vampire walks in and does the same.
Not soon after, a third vampire walks in and orders a hot cup of water.
"Why the cup of water?" the other two asked.
He then pulled out a used t**... and said, "I'm making tea."

I tell you what makes my blood boil,

faulty spacesuits.

The doctor says to the old man "I'll need to check your blood, u**..., and stool.

The old man who is virtually deaf, turns to his wife and shouts "WHAT'D HE SAY?". His wife says "the doctor said he wants to see your underwear".

I was born pessimist

My Blood Group is B negative

A guy goes to the doctor...

The doctor says "You have to stop m**...."
The guy says "Why?"
The doctor says "...because I'm trying to take your blood pressure."

Which blood type was created by mistake?

Type O.

You'd think glass would taste like rocks..

But it just tastes like blood.

I just f**... so hard that blood came out

of the person behind me.

My only form of income is donating blood

It's s**... the life out of me

My therapist said that I should do whatever I find enjoyable and calming.

Now there is blood everywhere.

Jesus and the disciples are at the last supper...

Jesus holds up a piece of bread and says, "This is my body."
Then he holds up a cup of wine, saying," This is my blood."
Then he holds up a jar of mayonnaise and Peter says, "Let me stop you right there, Jesus."

A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"

The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."
The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a u**... test."

Me: When i donate blood i do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me

Receptionist: Yes, but this is a s**... bank and it doesn't work that way.

Today I decided to donate blood...

After the procedure I asked the nurse what my blood type was out of curiosity. She told me I was type A so I thanked her and left. As I was walking out the door she came sprinting after me and said Wait, I told you the wrong blood type on accident, it was a type O.

What do you call a traffic jam in Compton?

A blood clot

In memory of my father, who died of blood loss because sadly no one could figure out his blood type.

As I stood beside him it was incredibly moving to hear him repeat, over and over, these inspirational last words: "Be positive, son! Be positive!"
Father, I don't know if you can hear me, but if you do, just know I will always remember to be positive.

Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end

You'll go to prison for a very long time.

My son made it through a blood transfusion, so I bought him a 50″ HDTV...

He loves his new plasma...

A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child...

The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"
The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

So, my 3 year old cousin was over this morning.

I needed to grab a quick shower as I let him watch cartoons in the living room. When I came out, there was black permanent marker all over my 55 inch TV screen. I LITERALLY FREAKED OUT. Does anyone know what is best used to clean blood out of a carpet?

During my annual physical, my doctor was going over the results of my blood work with me. After analyzing the results he looked up and told me I was going to need to quit m**....

I asked, *Why??*
He said, Because. I'm trying to complete your examination and you're making things really awkward right now.

I'll never forget my dad's last words...

He needed a blood transfusion but we didn't know his blood type... he kept telling me to "be positive", but it's really hard without him...

My uncle died yesterday because we didn't know what blood type he was...

He kept saying B positive, but it'll be really hard without him.

A man is rushed to the hospital and is given blood.

When the man gets worse, a nurse goes running to the doctor, saying "We gave him the wrong blood!"
The doctor responds "Ah, must've been a Type-O!"

A Vampire walks into a bank and pulls a gun out

Hands up, this is a robbery! He declares, as he starts forcing the teller to fill a sack with cash.
One of the customers, cracking slightly under the pressure asks; Hey, shouldn't you be robbing a blood bank?
The vampire turns to them and grins.
No, see, I'm cursed. He explains.
Cursed?
Yep, I can only feed on smartasses, and there's always at least one when I pull this stunt.

What is a bad speller's blood type?

Typo

My first s**... experience was a lot like my first foot ball game.

There was a lot of sweat and blood but at least my dad came.

What do you call monster made out of blood?

A hemogoblin

A man and a woman are chatting in an elevator.

"What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate s**..., and the s**... bank pays $100 a tablespoon."
The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.

My dad died this day last year because we didn't know his blood type to get a transfusion..

As he was dying he kept saying be positive but it was just so hard without him :/

4 people fighting to sit on the Throne.

There's blood, there's guts, there's n**....
Gonna have to face the facts.
I'm a terrible cook.

My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.

Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.
That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."
"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.
"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."

Losing my virginity was a lot like my first football game

There was blood and snot everywhere, but at least my dad came

I told the ambulance men the wrong blood type for my ex

Now she'll know what rejection feels like...

A monk, priest, and rabbit walk into a blood bank...

The rabbit turns to the other two and says, I think I'm a type-O.

Why are s**... donations more expensive than blood donations?

They are hand made

Blood joke, Why are s**... donations more expensive than blood donations?

jokes about blood

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these blood jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.