blood Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious blood puns

I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions

Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"

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My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him

As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him

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I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for my ex

Now she'll know what rejection feels like

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My wife said my stew was too salty, was far too watery and left her with a strange metallic after taste.

Bitch... I put my blood, sweat and tears into that dish.

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My grandfather died because the medical report said he had Type A blood.

Unfortunately it was a Type-O.

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A man was drinking the blood of a vampire...

He said, "Hm, irony"

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What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common?

Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...

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I told the ambulance guys the wrong blood type for my ex

Now she should understand what rejection feels like.

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I have bathed in the blood of virgins!

I had a nosebleed in the shower.

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Jesus and the disciples are at the last supper...

Jesus holds up a piece of bread and says, "This is my body."

Then he holds up a cup of wine, saying," This is my blood."

Then he holds up a jar of mayonnaise and Peter says, "Let me stop you right there, Jesus."

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Me: When i donate blood i do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me

Receptionist: Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way.

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Human drinks a Vampire's blood. Out of curiosity, the Vampire asks what it tastes like.

"It's irony."

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My friend died when he couldn't remember his blood type

He kept saying "be positive", but it's hard without him.

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Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end

You'll go to prison for a very long time.

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The last time I was someone's type.

I was donating blood.

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Jesus is at the last supper with his disciples,

And at the last supper, Jesus takes the bread, blesses it, and says,

"Take this, all of you, and eat it, for this is my body."

He then proceeds to bless the wine and says,

"Take this, all of you, and drink it, for this is my blood."

Finally, he picks up the milk, but Peter looks at him and says,

"You can fuck right off."

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"Give blood, give blood, give blood" everyone says...

And then they're all freaked out when they unwrap their presents.

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Whenever I'm sad I just read my blood donor ID.

It always says B positive .

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What's Autocorrect's blood type?

typo negative

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During my annual physical, my doctor was going over the results of my blood work with me. After analyzing the results he looked up and told me I was going to need to quit masturbating.

I asked, *Why??*

He said, Because. I'm trying to complete your examination and you're making things really awkward right now.

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A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"

The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."

The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a urine test."

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My motto in life is to always give 100%

It does make blood donation quite tricky.

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A woman and a man standing in an elevator...

The man asks: "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to donate my blood"
"How much do they pay for that" - asks the man
"About $30"
"Wow, all that blood for $30? I'm going to donate sperm now, and the sperm bank is giving me $100". Frustrated, the woman leaves the elevator.
The next day they meets again, and the man says: "Nice to meet you again, where are you heading today?". "Two teh spehm bahnk" - she replies with her mouth full

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TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".

I guess you can call it a typo.

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I just farted so hard that blood came out

of the person behind me.

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A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child...

The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"

The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

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The last time I was somebody's type

I was donating blood

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A man is rushed to the hospital and is given blood.

When the man gets worse, a nurse goes running to the doctor, saying "We gave him the wrong blood!"

The doctor responds "Ah, must've been a Type-O!"

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What do Taylor Swift and Charlie Sheen have in common?

Bad blood.

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What blood type do happy people have?

B Positive.

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A Vampire walks into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and takes a seat at the bar. When the bartender asks what he'll have to drink the vampire replies, "a glass of hot water." The bartender a bit confused asks, "I thought you vampires drank blood?" The vampire proceeds to pull out a used tampon and replies, "I'm having tea."

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What is The Fonz's blood type?

A

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I spent a year writing a romance novel where two blood cells meet and fall in love. It never got published.

It was all in vein.

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What type of blood does a keyboard have?

Typo

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They told me i had type A blood.

But it was a type O.

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What are the most funny Blood jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Blood? Well, here are the best Blood dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Blood pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes