Blondes Jokes

Following is our collection of rowboat humor and dummy one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Blondes puns for adults, dirty redhead jokes or clean dumb male blonde gags for kids.

There is an abundance of a blonde cowboy jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 76 funniest jokes on blondes. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any blondes revenge witze you can hear about blondes.

The Best jokes about Blondes

A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in

The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?"

Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.

Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".

The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."

Two blondes are walking and one asks, which is closer, the moon or Florida? And the other responds, duh...

... can you see Florida?

Three blondes are walking through a forest

...when they spot tracks on the ground. The first blonde says: "Look, those are deer tracks."
The second blonde looks at them and says: "No you're wrong, those tracks obviously belong to wolves."
The third blonde thinks for a minute and says: "You're both wrong, these are hog tracks, I'm sure."
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

There were 3 blondes walking on a trail...

The first blonde said "Those look like deer tracks!"

The second blonde said "No those are totally moose tracks... "

The third blonde said "Nope, they are goat tracks!"

Then a train hit them

Two blondes walk into a bar

You'd think the second one would have ducked


Two Blondes meet up for coffee...

Two blondes meet up for coffee and one asks the other what she has been up to.


"I had sex with two Brazilian guys last night", she said.
"Wow - I've never even met that many guys" replied the other.

There were 2 blondes...

So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".

Two blondes meet at a busy chicken market

A: If I can guess how many chickens you have in that bag, can I have one?

B: You can have both

A: Three

Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.

The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"

The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"

The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"

The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.

Blondes At The Bus Stop.

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.

A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside, asking the driver - "will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"

The bus driver shakes his head, "no, I'm sorry, it won't" he says.

The other blonde leans inside and asks, "how about me?"

Two Blondes are out on a hike....

....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.


Joke of the day about blondes.

Two blondes fell down a hole.

One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"

The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." :-D

Two blondes meet on a village road.

One of the blondes was carrying a large gunny bag over her shoulder.
'Hey there,' hailed second blonde, 'what is in the bag?'
'Chickens,' came the reply.
'If I guess how many, can I have one?'
'You can have both of them.'
'OK.. five?' Said the second blonde.

Two Blondes....

Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.
1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?"

2nd blonde: "Chickens."

1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I have one of them?"

2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this bag, you can have BOTH of them!!"

1st blonde: "Well, I think you've got three."

Two Blondes

Two blondes meet up for coffee and one asks the other what she has been upto;

"I had sex with two Brazilian guys last night"

"Wow - I've never even met that many guys" replied the other

Two blondes are going to Disney Land

At the turn off, they see a sign saying "Disneyland left"

They went home crying.

Two blondes fall down a well

One says to the other ones, "isn't it dark down here" she replies, I don't know I can't see

Two blondes are locked out of their car...

The first blonde is trying to unlock the car using a coat hanger. The second says to the first "hurry up! It looks like it's going to rain and the top's down!"

Two blondes were walking through the park digging holes and filling them up again.

One of them would dig the holes, and the other would fill them up. One man couldn't control his curiosity and asked the blondes why they were digging and filling holes pointlessly, to which one replied:

"Well, there was supposed to be another one of us planting saplings before we fill the holes, but she couldn't come so we'll have to make do without her."


Three blondes found some tracks...

The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"

The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"

The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"

And that was when the train hit them.

Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

Two blondes get stuck in elevator

One of them starts yelling: HELP, HEEEELP

The other one then suggests: Maybe we should start yelling together

The first blonde starts yelling again: TOGETHER, TOGETHEEEEER

Two blondes were on their way to Disneyland

... and came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.

My favorite blond joke of all time...

So two blondes were analyzing some tracks. The first one insisted they were rabbit prints, while the second blond was certain they were made by a raccoon. Back and forth they argued, rabbit tracks, raccoon tracks, rabbit tracks. Then they got hit by a train.

Three blondes were walking through a forest...

Three blondes were walking through a forest when they came across a set of tracks. They stopped, bewildered, wondering what animal could have made them. The first blonde says, "I know, those are moose tracks." The second blonde goes, "no, those are bear tracks." The third blonde says, "guys, those are definitely wolf tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Some blondes are in a car on their way to Disneyland.

When they see a sign at an intersection.

"Disneyland left" ←

so they went back home.

2 blondes were walking along a beach when one said, "Look! A dead bird!"

The other looked up.

Two blondes are on either sides of a river.

The 1st blonde yells to the other, "How do I get to the other side?!".

The 2nd blonde thinks for a moment and then yells back, "You're already on the other side!"

Three blondes are walking through the woods

shortly into their walk, they find tracks on the ground.

"Look at the size of these rabbit tracks!" Said the first blonde.

"You moron, those are raccoon tracks." Said the second blonde.

"You two are so stupid, these are obviously coyote tracks!" Said the third blonde.

Two minutes later, they were all run over by a train.

Why did 18 blondes goto the movies.

Because it said under 17 not admitted

11 Blondes and a brunette

There are 12 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 11 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.

Three blondes are walking through the woods...

They come across a pair of tracks.

The first blonde says, "I think these are bear tracks!"

"No", the second blondes goes, "these are definitely deer tracks!"

The third blonde says, "I think they're rabbit tracks!!"

Then the train hit them...

This is my favorite clean joke by far.

Three blondes are walking in the forest.

So one day, three blondes were walking in the forest. Eventually, they happened upon some unidentified tracks in the ground.

"Hey, look! Deer tracks!" The first blonde said.

"No, they're raccoon tracks!" The second argued.

"You guys are stupid," interjected the third blonde, "these are clearly bear tracks."

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Three Blondes

Three blondes were walking in the woods when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Hey guys, look at the bear tracks." The second blonde said, "Are you stupid? Those are wolf tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong! Those are fox tracks!" They were all still arguing when the train hit them.

Two Blondes leave a bar and realize they've locked their keys in the car.

After trying every door, attempting to call someone for help, and further debate, one blonde says to the other I bet I can unlock the doors with a coat hanger! I'll run inside and see if they have one!

The other blonde says Ok, well hurry because it looks like it's going to rain and the top is down!

[Blonde Joke] Two blondes are walking in the forest and they come across some tracks. They start arguing about what animal they belong to.

In the middle of their heated argument they got run over by a train.

Two blondes meet in college..

one asks the other: "What year are you in?" "Well...2012. you ?"


*Edit. The title could be a joke on its own.

Three Blondes

Three blondes are hiking in the woods when they see some tracks.

1st blonde: Look guys, deer tracks!

2nd blonde: No, stupid, they're wolf tracks!

3rd blonde: You guys are both dumb, they're clearly bear tracks!

Then they got hit by a train.

Two blondes in NY are sitting on a balcony at night

Two blondes are sitting on a balcony at night staring at the stars and moon. One of them asks the other, "what do you think is further, the moon or Florida?" The other responds, "hello?!?! Can you see Florida from here?!?!"

Two blondes were walking in a park

...when one of them said: "Look, a dead bird!" The other one looked up in the sky and asked "where?"

3 ladies are celebrating in a bar..

3 blondes are celebrating in a bar. The bartender asks the ladies ''what are you celebrating about?'' The blondes reply ''we finished a puzzle in only 6 months even though on the box it said 4-6 years.''

Two blondes are standing on opposite sides of a lake.

One yells to the other, "Hey! How do I get to the other side!?",

to which the other replies "You are on the other side!"

How many blondes does it take to screw a light bulb?

Five. One to hold the lightbulb and four to turn the ladder.

Two blondes are in the woods looking at a set of tracks.

"They're wolf tracks," says the first.

"No way! Those are fox tracks!" Exclaims the second.


The two fight back and forth so loud they didn't hear the train coming.

Two blondes are walking through the woods......

They come across a set of tracks. The first blonde said those have to be bear tracks. The second blonde disagrees and said those have to be moose tracks.
Bear tracks
Moose tracks
Bear tracks
The argument would have gone on all day if a train hadn't hit them both.

A guy wanks into a bar.

He sees two stunningly beautiful blondes and says,

"Hey, barman, two beers for the ladies."

One of the ladies turns to the guy and asks.

"I think you're wasting your time, sir. We're lesbians."

"What's that?" asks the guy.

"It means we only like to have sex with women" the girl responds.

To which the guy retorts: "Hey barman, three beers for us lesbians."

Two blondes are walking in the woods

Two blondes are walking in the woods and come across a set of tracks. One looks at them and says "Wow, wolf tracks!"

The other looks down and scoffs. "Those are coyote tracks, not wolf tracks. Look at the size!"

"No they are not" says the first. "I've spent most of my life walking in these woods, and I know wolf tracks when I see them!"

They stand there arguing over the tracks for some time, and are eventually hit by a train.

Two blondes walk into a bar

The first one says "Don't worry, I didn't see it either".

Three blondes are walking through the woods.

Three blondes are walking through the woods. Suddenly, they stumble upon a set of tracks. The first blonde says, "I think they're moose tracks!" The others disagree. The second blonde says, "You're wrong! They're bear tracks!" The third one, tired of hearing the other two argue, says "You're both wrong! They're obviously wolf tracks!"

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Two blondes speaking: - My boyfriend is a veterinarian.

- Oh, did he fight in a war?
- No, you dumbass, he doesn't eat meat.

A bus full of cheerleaders went off a cliff

Miraculously, all twenty of them managed to grab onto the same branch sticking out of the cliffside. There were nineteen beautiful blondes and one brunette. The brunette saw the branch was starting to break, so she made a decision.

"Listen ladies," she said. "As skinny as we are, this branch can't hold all our weight. You're all so beautiful and talented, so I'm going to let go in hopes that it's enough to save your lives. Tell my family I love them."

The blondes were so moved by her selfless sacrifice that they gave her a round of applause.

2 blondes fell into a hole

The first one said "*Its dark in here,isn't it?*"

The second one said"*I don't know,I cant see.*"

Two blondes are walking in the forest..

They stumble upon some tracks
Blonde one says these are deer tracks
Blonde two says no these are raccoon tracks
They argue and argue until they get hit by a train...

Three blondes get stuck in an elevator

They start panicking and one of the blonde screams "HELP!"...after 30 seconds the second blonde screams "HELP!". Then the third blonde screams "HELP!". Suddenly,one of the blondes speaks up "Hey,what if we scream simultaneously?". Then one of the blonde screams "Simultaneously!"

A group of blondes walk into a bar

A group of blondes walk into a bar celebrating and chanting "28 days, 28 days, it only took us 28 days!!"

Everyone was wondering what took them 28 days and why they were celebrating. Finally, when the blondes were about to leave, a bartender goes up and asks "What took you 28 days, why are you celebrating??"

All the blondes say "We just finished a puzzle in 28 days and on the box it said 3-6 years!!!"

2 Blondes are standing on opposite sides of a river...

...One blonde yells across, "How did you get to the other side?"
the other blonde looks confused and yells back, "Don't be stupid, you're already on the other side!"

Two blondes are walking in the woods.

They come across some tracks. One says they are deer tracks. The other says no they are bear tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Two blondes go deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree...

After hours and hours of sub-zero temperatures, a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turns to the other and says, "Enough is enough! I'm chopping down the next tree I see! I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"

Two blondes are walking in a forest..

..when they come across some tracks.

The first blonde suggests they are fox tracks, but her friend thinks they may be bear tracks because of the large size of them, not wanting to be out done by her friend, the first blonde changes her mind and insists that they have to be deer tracks.

The two were still arguing when the train hit them.

A group of blonde girls overhear a guy saying that all blondes are dumb

So one of the girls says: "no we're not, we'll prove it!"

The guy: "Ok what's 3 + 2?"

One of the blondes: "7"

After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.

The guy: "ok you get a second chance, what's 2+4?"

One of the blondes: "6"

After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.

A blonde walks up to her blonde mom...

and asks,

"Mom, why does everyone think we are stupid?"

Her mum chuckles and says

"Bring me a pot"

A bit confused, the daughter goes and grabs a pot from the kitchen and hands it to her mom. Soon after the mother starts knocking on the pot.

The daughter turns to the door and says,

"Mom! Someone is at the door!"

The mom chuckles and says,

"See, this is why people think Blondes are stupid...
now hold this pot so I can go answer the door."

*Edit* Changed gender of daughter back, sorry tumblr.

2 blondes are checking a car

"Does the turn signal work?"
"Yes! No. Yes! No. Yes!"

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain

"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave."

Two blondes are sitting on opposite sides of a river

One blonde calls out to the other, "How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde looks back quizzically and replies, "But you're already on the other side."

Why would blondes be bad ranchers?

They can't keep their calves together.

Two blondes are having a coffee at the local cafe.

They see a flower delivery truck pull up in front of the apartment building across the street and the delivery guy goes inside. The first blonde remarks "You know, whenever my boyfriend gets me flowers, he expects me to keep my legs spread for a week."
The second blonde replies "Don't you have a vase?"

Blondes and Blind Cowboy

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

* The bouncer is a blonde girl.

* I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.

* The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

* The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head
and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times

Two blondes were driving along in a car...

...when they came across an open field with another blond sitting in a canoe and pretending to row it.

One blonde in the car says to the other, "See, it's things like this that gives blonde a bad reputation, if I could swim, I would go out there and bash her".

What do Bermuda triangele and blondes have in common?

They've both swallowed a lot of Seamen.

A blonde goes to buy a TV.

A blonde goes out to buy a TV at a department store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: Sorry, we don't sell to blondes.

So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair brown. She then goes back to the store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: I'm sorry but we don't sell to blondes.

Amazed she goes out and dyes her hair ginger. She later returns to the store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes.

Blonde: How did you know I'm blonde?

Clerk: Because that's a Microwave.

10 Blondes and a Puzzle Box

One blonde walked into a tavern one day and asked for a table that will sit 10 and a for a pint. She received her beer and a table that would sit 10. Later 2 more blondes walked in and ask for a pint a piece and sat by the blonde from before. More and more blondes came in until 9 sat at the table. The 10th one walked in with child's puzzle box with a huge grin. She asked for a pint, walked to the table and slammed the box into the center of the table. All 10 blondes began to drink hard and chant "51 days!!" The other customers became mad and asked the barkeep to stop their chanting. The barkeep walked up to the blonde that brought the puzzle box and asked, "Before I kick you out, tell me one thing, why are you chanting?" The blonde grinned and said, "Well us blondes have be racially descriminated for so long that my friends and I decided to prove everyone wrong. This puzzle box says 2-4 years and we solved it in 51 days!!"

blondes

A girl came skipping home from school one day. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! Very good, said her mother. Is it because I'm blonde? the girl said. Yes, it's because you're blonde, said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G! Very good, said her mother. Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy? Yes, it's because you're blonde. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these! And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. Very good, said her embarrassed mother. Is it because I'm blonde, mommy? No Honey, it's because you're 24.

Nineteen blondes go to the cinema...

when the ticket vendor asked why there are so many of them they replied "the film said 18 or over".

Two blondes were walking through the woods

when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks."
The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."
"No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

Two Blondes on a Street

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

two blondes and a mirror

two blondes are walking along together when one of the pulls out her make up mirror, looking in to the mirror she says

"oh there is a face in there, wow that face looks familiar, where do I know that face from?"

Her friend grabs the mirror from her, has a long look and replies

"you idiot, that's me!"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes