The Best 82 Blondes Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Blondes jokes. There are some blondes dummy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these blondes blonde and redhead puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Blondes Jokes and Puns

A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in

The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?"

Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.

Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".

The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."

Two blondes at the movie:" Pst, the guy next to me is masturbating!"says one

"just ignore him" answers her friend.
"But I can't ! He's using my hand!"replies the first blonde

2 Blondes are standing on opposite sides of a river...

...One blonde yells across, "How did you get to the other side?"
the other blonde looks confused and yells back, "Don't be stupid, you're already on the other side!"

Three Blondes

Three blondes were walking in the woods when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Hey guys, look at the bear tracks." The second blonde said, "Are you stupid? Those are wolf tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong! Those are fox tracks!" They were all still arguing when the train hit them.

jokes about blondes

Two blondes meet in college..

one asks the other: "What year are you in?" "Well...2012. you ?"

*Edit. The title could be a joke on its own.


My favorite blond joke of all time...

So two blondes were analyzing some tracks. The first one insisted they were rabbit prints, while the second blond was certain they were made by a raccoon. Back and forth they argued, rabbit tracks, raccoon tracks, rabbit tracks. Then they got hit by a train.

Blondes and Blind Cowboy

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

* The bouncer is a blonde girl.

* I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.

* The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

* The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head
and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times

Blondes joke, Blondes and Blind Cowboy

Why would blondes be bad ranchers?

They can't keep their calves together.

Blondes At The Bus Stop.

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.

A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside, asking the driver - "will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"

The bus driver shakes his head, "no, I'm sorry, it won't" he says.

The other blonde leans inside and asks, "how about me?"

two blondes and a mirror

two blondes are walking along together when one of the pulls out her make up mirror, looking in to the mirror she says

"oh there is a face in there, wow that face looks familiar, where do I know that face from?"

Her friend grabs the mirror from her, has a long look and replies

"you idiot, that's me!"

Two blondes in NY are sitting on a balcony at night

Two blondes are sitting on a balcony at night staring at the stars and moon. One of them asks the other, "what do you think is further, the moon or Florida?" The other responds, "hello?!?! Can you see Florida from here?!?!"

You can explore blondes rowboat reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean blondes redhead dad jokes. There are also blondes puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two blondes are in the woods looking at a set of tracks.

"They're wolf tracks," says the first.

"No way! Those are fox tracks!" Exclaims the second.

The two fight back and forth so loud they didn't hear the train coming.

Nineteen blondes go to the cinema...

when the ticket vendor asked why there are so many of them they replied "the film said 18 or over".

Two Blondes on a Street

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

There were 2 blondes...

So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".

A blonde goes to buy a TV.

A blonde goes out to buy a TV at a department store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: Sorry, we don't sell to blondes.

So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair brown. She then goes back to the store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: I'm sorry but we don't sell to blondes.

Amazed she goes out and dyes her hair ginger. She later returns to the store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes.

Blonde: How did you know I'm blonde?

Clerk: Because that's a Microwave.

Blondes joke, A blonde goes to buy a TV.

Two Blondes are out on a hike....

....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

5 blonds walk into a bar...

The group is cheering, smiling, and chanting "3 to 5 years! 3 to 5 years!" After the blondes settle down and order their drinks, the bartender finally asked "What are you all celebrating? What does 3 to 5 years mean?" One blonde got an excited look in their eyes and proudly exclaimed "Well, we bought a puzzle, and on the side it said 3 to 5 years, but it only took us 2 months!"

Three blondes are walking through the woods...

They come across a pair of tracks.

The first blonde says, "I think these are bear tracks!"

"No", the second blondes goes, "these are definitely deer tracks!"

The third blonde says, "I think they're rabbit tracks!!"

Then the train hit them...

This is my favorite clean joke by far.


Two blondes walk into a bar

The first one says "Don't worry, I didn't see it either".

Two Blondes

Two blondes meet up for coffee and one asks the other what she has been upto;

"I had sex with two Brazilian guys last night"

"Wow - I've never even met that many guys" replied the other

Three Blondes

Three blondes are hiking in the woods when they see some tracks.

1st blonde: Look guys, deer tracks!

2nd blonde: No, stupid, they're wolf tracks!

3rd blonde: You guys are both dumb, they're clearly bear tracks!

Then they got hit by a train.

2 blondes were walking along a beach when one said, "Look! A dead bird!"

The other looked up.

Three blondes get stuck in an elevator

They start panicking and one of the blonde screams "HELP!"...after 30 seconds the second blonde screams "HELP!". Then the third blonde screams "HELP!". Suddenly,one of the blondes speaks up "Hey,what if we scream simultaneously?". Then one of the blonde screams "Simultaneously!"

Two blondes were walking in a park

...when one of them said: "Look, a dead bird!" The other one looked up in the sky and asked "where?"

Two Blondes meet up for coffee...

Two blondes meet up for coffee and one asks the other what she has been up to.

"I had sex with two Brazilian guys last night", she said.
"Wow - I've never even met that many guys" replied the other.

Blondes joke, Two Blondes meet up for coffee...

2 blondes are checking a car

"Does the turn signal work?"
"Yes! No. Yes! No. Yes!"

Two blondes were driving along in a car...

...when they came across an open field with another blond sitting in a canoe and pretending to row it.

One blonde in the car says to the other, "See, it's things like this that gives blonde a bad reputation, if I could swim, I would go out there and bash her".

3 ladies are celebrating in a bar..

3 blondes are celebrating in a bar. The bartender asks the ladies ''what are you celebrating about?'' The blondes reply ''we finished a puzzle in only 6 months even though on the box it said 4-6 years.''


Two blondes meet at a busy chicken market

A: If I can guess how many chickens you have in that bag, can I have one?

B: You can have both

A: Three

A blonde walks up to her blonde mom...

and asks,

"Mom, why does everyone think we are stupid?"

Her mum chuckles and says

"Bring me a pot"

A bit confused, the daughter goes and grabs a pot from the kitchen and hands it to her mom. Soon after the mother starts knocking on the pot.

The daughter turns to the door and says,

"Mom! Someone is at the door!"

The mom chuckles and says,

"See, this is why people think Blondes are stupid...
now hold this pot so I can go answer the door."

*Edit* Changed gender of daughter back, sorry tumblr.

Two blondes are on either sides of a river.

The 1st blonde yells to the other, "How do I get to the other side?!".

The 2nd blonde thinks for a moment and then yells back, "You're already on the other side!"

Two blondes were on their way to Disneyland

... and came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.

Two blondes are sitting on opposite sides of a river

One blonde calls out to the other, "How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde looks back quizzically and replies, "But you're already on the other side."


Joke of the day about blondes.

Two blondes fell down a hole.

One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"

The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." :-D

2 blondes fell into a hole

The first one said "*Its dark in here,isn't it?*"

The second one said"*I don't know,I cant see.*"

11 Blondes and a brunette

There are 12 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 11 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.

Three blondes found some tracks...

The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"

The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"

The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"

And that was when the train hit them.

A group of blondes walk into a bar

A group of blondes walk into a bar celebrating and chanting "28 days, 28 days, it only took us 28 days!!"

Everyone was wondering what took them 28 days and why they were celebrating. Finally, when the blondes were about to leave, a bartender goes up and asks "What took you 28 days, why are you celebrating??"

All the blondes say "We just finished a puzzle in 28 days and on the box it said 3-6 years!!!"

Two blondes fall down a well

One says to the other ones, "isn't it dark down here" she replies, I don't know I can't see

Some blondes are in a car on their way to Disneyland.

When they see a sign at an intersection.

"Disneyland left" ←

so they went back home.

Two blondes are locked out of their car...

The first blonde is trying to unlock the car using a coat hanger. The second says to the first "hurry up! It looks like it's going to rain and the top's down!"

Two blondes are standing on opposite sides of a lake.

One yells to the other, "Hey! How do I get to the other side!?",

to which the other replies "You are on the other side!"

How many blondes does it take to screw a light bulb?

Five. One to hold the lightbulb and four to turn the ladder.

Two blondes get stuck in elevator

One of them starts yelling: HELP, HEEEELP

The other one then suggests: Maybe we should start yelling together

The first blonde starts yelling again: TOGETHER, TOGETHEEEEER

Two blondes meet on a village road.

One of the blondes was carrying a large gunny bag over her shoulder.
'Hey there,' hailed second blonde, 'what is in the bag?'
'Chickens,' came the reply.
'If I guess how many, can I have one?'
'You can have both of them.'
'OK.. five?' Said the second blonde.

Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.

The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"

The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"

The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"

The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.

Two blondes are going to Disney Land

At the turn off, they see a sign saying "Disneyland left"

They went home crying.

What do Bermuda triangele and blondes have in common?

They've both swallowed a lot of Seamen.

Two blondes were walking through the park digging holes and filling them up again.

One of them would dig the holes, and the other would fill them up. One man couldn't control his curiosity and asked the blondes why they were digging and filling holes pointlessly, to which one replied:

"Well, there was supposed to be another one of us planting saplings before we fill the holes, but she couldn't come so we'll have to make do without her."

Two blondes are walking and one asks, which is closer, the moon or Florida? And the other responds, duh...

... can you see Florida?

Two blondes go deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree...

After hours and hours of sub-zero temperatures, a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turns to the other and says, "Enough is enough! I'm chopping down the next tree I see! I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"

A guy wanks into a bar.

He sees two stunningly beautiful blondes and says,

"Hey, barman, two beers for the ladies."

One of the ladies turns to the guy and asks.

"I think you're wasting your time, sir. We're lesbians."

"What's that?" asks the guy.

"It means we only like to have sex with women" the girl responds.

To which the guy retorts: "Hey barman, three beers for us lesbians."

Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

Two Blondes....

Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.
1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?"

2nd blonde: "Chickens."

1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I have one of them?"

2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this bag, you can have BOTH of them!!"

1st blonde: "Well, I think you've got three."

Two blondes are walking in the park and come up on a set of tracks

One blonde says "I think these are bear tracks", the other blonde argues they are deer tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Three blondes are walking when they come across tracks. The first blondes says I know these, they're deer tracks! The second says No! They're bear tracks Finally the third speaks up and says Your both wrong! They're obviously fox trails!

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Two blondes walk into a bar

You'd think the second one would have ducked

Two blondes are having a coffee at the local cafe.

They see a flower delivery truck pull up in front of the apartment building across the street and the delivery guy goes inside. The first blonde remarks "You know, whenever my boyfriend gets me flowers, he expects me to keep my legs spread for a week."
The second blonde replies "Don't you have a vase?"

Two Blondes leave a bar and realize they've locked their keys in the car.

After trying every door, attempting to call someone for help, and further debate, one blonde says to the other I bet I can unlock the doors with a coat hanger! I'll run inside and see if they have one!

The other blonde says Ok, well hurry because it looks like it's going to rain and the top is down!

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain

"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave."

A bus full of cheerleaders went off a cliff

Miraculously, all twenty of them managed to grab onto the same branch sticking out of the cliffside. There were nineteen beautiful blondes and one brunette. The brunette saw the branch was starting to break, so she made a decision.

"Listen ladies," she said. "As skinny as we are, this branch can't hold all our weight. You're all so beautiful and talented, so I'm going to let go in hopes that it's enough to save your lives. Tell my family I love them."

The blondes were so moved by her selfless sacrifice that they gave her a round of applause.

Two blondes speaking: - My boyfriend is a veterinarian.

- Oh, did he fight in a war?
- No, you dumbass, he doesn't eat meat.

Why did 18 blondes goto the movies.

Because it said under 17 not admitted

A group of blonde girls overhear a guy saying that all blondes are dumb

So one of the girls says: "no we're not, we'll prove it!"

The guy: "Ok what's 3 + 2?"

One of the blondes: "7"

After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.

The guy: "ok you get a second chance, what's 2+4?"

One of the blondes: "6"

After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.

Two blondes were taking a walk through a bush when they came across a set of tracks.

'I'm sure they're bear tracks!', said the first blonde.
'No, they're deer tracks', said the second blonde, confidently.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Three blondes are on a walk

While on this walk, they come across an interesting set of tracks. Taking interest in it, each of the girls have a guess as to what animal it could be.

The first blond said "I bet those are bear tracks", to which the other two scoff and say there were no bears around.

The second blond says "they might be raccoon tracks", but the others point out they have never seen raccoon tracks that big before.

The third one, joking, says "I bet those are elephant footprints" and they have a good laugh about it.

Then the train hit them.

3 blondes were standing around some tracks.

The first blonde said "look at these tracks! Do you think they're deer tracks?"

The second blonde shook her head "no, there are no hoof prints. If anything these are dog tracks".

The third blonde chuckled, "come on you two. Look at the even spacing, the consistent depth, the distance between the tracks - it's obvious they're bear tracks!"

The other two blondes looked at the third in admiration of her excellent knowledge of nature, and then all 3 were hit by a train.

A couple of Blondes are out in the woods hunting.......

When one of them falls to the ground and her eyes close. The other blonde whips out her cell phone and calls 911. She gasps to the operator, Help! Help! My friend Holly is dead! What should I do? The operator, in a calm voice, says, Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure she's really dead.


After a brief silence, a shot rings out, then the blonde's voice comes back on the line. OK, now what?

Two blondes are walking down the street...

...one of them is carrying a large bag.

The first blonde says " whatcha got in the bag?"

The second blonde says " chickens, I've got chickens in my bag. Tell you what, if you guess

how many ive got, I'll give you both of them"

The first blonde thinks for a second and says ..."three!"

2 blondes, 2 brunettes, and 2 redheads walk into a bar. The 2 blondes say "hello" to the bartender...

The 4 Non Blondes say "WHAT'S GOING ON!"

Two Blondes.

Blonde 1: I found a way of saving money.

Blonde 2: How?

Blonde 1: I run behind the bus to work everyday and save Β£1.50.

Blonde 2: Why don't you run behind a Taxi you would save Β£10.00.

Why can't blondes work at the M&M Company?

Because they throw away all the ones with w's

Two blonde girls are standing, one on each side of a river.

One of the blondes yells over to the other one, How do I come about getting to the other side of the river? .

The other blonde angrily yells back, You see, it's blondes like you that make blondes like me look bad. You ARE on the other side of the river.

A group of blondes walk into a building...

You would think at least one would have seen it...

Two blondes walk into a bar.

*BANG* *BANG*

Blonde lady driving down a dirt road…

When she sees another blonde woman in a row boat out in the middle of a cotton field. She slams on her brakes, fuming, and yells out to the lady in the boat HEY!! IT'S DUMB BLONE BIMBOS LIKE YOU THAT GIVE BLONDES LIKE ME A BAD REPUTATION!! AND IF I COULD SWIM, I'D COME KICK YOUR ASS!!

Eye

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said "Look at that dog with one eye! "
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Where? "

2 Blondes drive past corn field

They see another blonde, in the middle of the field in a row boat, rowing away.
"It's blondes like that that give the rest of us a bad name!" one complains to the other. "Yeah! If I could swim, I'd teach her a lesson!" replied the other

A blonde girl sets out to prove blonde aren't dumb

A blonde girl rents out a stadium and invites as many blondes as she can and sure enough 80,000 blondes fill the stadium and she films it all on live television. She invites a little 4 year old girl out in front of everyone and asks her what's 2+2? The little girl shivers and squeaks out T-three? The crowd erupts yelling Give her another chance! So they do and ask her again what's 2+2? The girl stands there for a moment before answering is it 4? The crowd starts chanting once again Give her another chance!

Why do blondes prefer to buy cars with sun roof?

Because there's more leg room.

Lightbulb Jokes (OC)

There is a large number of lightbulbs jokes that go, "How many X does it take to screw in a lightbulb?", with X ranging from blondes to bolsheviks. But why is it that the answer never equals one? Grandma knew why: Many hands make light work.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the blondes dumb male blonde jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working blondes blonde and brunette piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes