Blonde People Jokes
85 blonde people jokes and hilarious blonde people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blonde people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Blonde People Short Jokes
Short blonde people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blonde people humour may include short blonde men jokes also.
- Why are blonde jokes always so short? So the people who like to tell them can remember them.
- A blonde hears on the news that a bridge collapsed and killed a Brazilian. She gasped, "That's a lot of people!"
- Whats the difference between a blond girl and an elevator? An elevator only fits 5 people in it.
- Chef blonde Why don't blondes double the amounts in recipes when cooking for more people?
The oven usually doesn't go to 700 degrees. - Blonde: Officer theres like a thousand dead people here!
Cop: Okay, calm down.
Where are you?
Blonde: The cemetery!
Cop: *facepalm* - What's the difference between a Boeing 787 Dreamliner and a blonde? Most people haven't been inside a '787.
- Mike: "Hey Joe. My girl friend always gets offended whenever I tell her jokes about bald people."
Joe: "Is your girl friend bald?"
Mike: "No. She"s a blonde." - As a wise blonde once said, "There are 3 types of people on this planet," "dreamers and go-getters."
- Why do brunettes color their hair blonde? So people will say "look at that blonde girl!", instead of "look at that fat girl!".
- Q: Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting: "GIVE US YER LOOT!"
A: They were both blonds.
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Blonde People One Liners
Which blonde people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blonde people? I can suggest the ones about blonde hair and blonde woman.
- What's the worst thing about blonde people? They're running for president.
- If pink and glitter were vitamins blondes would be the healthiest people alive.
- Q: What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties?
A: Women! - What confuses blond people? Seven.
- I hate people who make fun of my blond hair and blue eyes They are so master-racist
- Black people... ...with blonde hair look like Duracell batteries.
- What do you call a track meet full of blond people? The a**... Race.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Blonde People Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about blonde people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean blonde haired jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blonde people pranks.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are all being chased by cops.
They reach an alley and there are 3 barrels. The redhead goes into the barrel filled with cats, the brunette goes into the barrel full of dogs, and the blonde goes inside the barrel filled with potatoes. The cops arrive at the alley and kick the barrels to see which ones have people in them. The cop kicks the barrel with cats and the redhead goes "Meow meow" so she doesn't get caught. The cop kick the barrel with dogs and the brunette goes "Bark bark" so she doesn't get caught. The cop kicks the barrel with the potatoes and the blonde says "Potato, Potato".
There was a plane and it had 5 people in it: a president, a lawyer, a young teenage boy, a priest and a blonde girl. The plane driver said that the plane was going to c**... so one of them has to jump off without a parachute because there was only 4 so they were talking to each other about who was going to jump off without a parachute. The president spoke first and he said " I run a part of this earth so I should get a parachute" so he jumped off with one. Then the blonde girl spoke and she said " I look beautiful so I should get one too" so she jumped off with one. The next person to speak was the lawyer and he said " I help people solve their problems so I should get one" so he jumped off with one. Now there was only two people left: a priest and the teenage boy. The priest said to the boy " here you take the last parachute and go because you will live a longer life then me" but then the boy said "no, it's all right because there is still 2 parachutes left. The blonde girl only took my backpack".
There was a plane and it had 5 people in it: a president, a lawyer, a young teenage boy, a priest and a blonde girl. The plane driver said that the plane was going to c**... so one of them has to jump off without a parachute because there was only 4 so they were talking to each other about who was going to jump off without a parachute. The president spoke first and he said " I run a part of this earth so I should get a parachute" so he jumped off with one. Then the blonde girl spoke and she said " I look beautiful so I should get one too" so she jumped off with one. The next person to speak was the lawyer and he said " I help people solve their problems so I should get one" so he jumped off with one. Now there was only two people left: a priest and the teenage boy. The priest said to the boy " here you take the last parachute and go because you will live a longer life then me" but then the boy said "no, it's all right because there is still 2 parachutes left. The blonde girl only took my backpack".
A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde, so she decided to hang herself.
A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists.
"What are you doing." they ask her.
So she replies "Hanging myself."
The men are confused and asked "If you are hanging youself, you put the rope around your neck."
The blond says "Duh....I tried that, I couldn't breath."
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets.
First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"
After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead.
She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."
The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"
A blonde asks a bypasser:
Excuse me, would you tell me where the other side of the road is?
It's on the other side.
Strange.. When I was on the other side, people told me it's here...
A 65 year old blonde has a baby.
All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says “not yet.”
A little later they ask to see the baby again.
Again the mother says “not yet.”
Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?”
And the mother says, “When the baby cries.”
And they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”
The new mother says, “because I forgot where I put it.”
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car.
The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"
The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."
The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"
The other one answered," No, people will think we're too s**... to use the coat hanger."
The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."
A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are s**...?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're s**.... Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."
A Brazilian people killed.
One day a man is sitting next to a blond woman who is reading the newspaper.
She is visibly upset while reading a particular article. He can't help but look over and see what she's reading. He sees the headline
"s**... b**... kill two Brazilian men on bus".
He understands why she is upset now, so he strikes up a conversation with her.
She confesses "I have seen these before, but this is getting crazy. I mean, two Brazilian men killed? How many is in a Brazilian again?"
Giving blondes a bad name
A blonde woman is driving her car on an empty road past a field of corn one day, and spots a strange sight. In the middle of the field, a blonde girl is sitting in a rowboat, attempting to paddle to the road.
Furious, the woman stops her car and gets out. She shouts to the girl, "What are you doing out there? You look ridiculous! I'm tired of people giving blondes a bad name and making us look s**...!"
The girl replies, "I'm just trying to get back to the edge, can't you help me out?"
To this the woman says, "I would help, but I don't have a boat!"
How many sheep?
A blonde woman is tired of people assuming she's s**... and dyes her hair red. Feeling empowered, she goes for a car ride down a country road. Soon she sees a farm with hundreds of sheep. She walks up to the owner of the farm and makes this proposal: "These sheep are adorable, if I guess how many there are, can I keep one?" The farmer agrees, surely out of all the sheep this woman can't guess the number exactly. She looks around and replies "There are 593 sheep" The farmer is awe-struck, the number was exactly right. So the woman picks her sheep and is getting back in the car when the farmer runs up to her and yells "WAIT! If I can guess your natural color can I have him back?" The woman smiles and agrees, she already proved she's too smart to be called a blonde. The farmer replies "you're a blonde, now can I have my dog back?"
Blonde on a plane.
(First submission, Hope people like it)
A very attractive blonde boards a plane for a long flight and settles in. As she is leaning against the window trying to get some rest a business man takes the seat next to her. "Hi I'm Frank" he says. "Oh hi" says the blonde before she tries to settle back in. "Wait a second now" says the guy "this is a long flight why don't we play a game. Tell you what, I will ask you a question, if you don't know the answer you have to give me $5. Then you can ask me a question and if I don't know the answer you get $500." "Ok fine" says the Blonde. "Alright! What is the Capital of Malta?" Admittedly the Blonde didn't know she she hands the guy $5. "See!" he says "It's a fun game! now you ask me one." "Alright... What goes up a hill on three legs, and comes down the hill on five?" Now the business guy is genuinely stumped. He pulls out his laptop and goes to work. As he does the blonde goes back to sleep. About an hour later the guy taps her on the shoulder "Alright... I have been every where on the internet, I tried everything and I can't figure it out. Here." and he gives the Blonde $500 "Thanks" she says and rolls back over to go to sleep "Wait! You can't just go to sleep! I want to know! What goes up a hill on three legs on down the hill on five?!" The blonde just smiled at him and handed him $5.
A blind man walks into a bar and asks, "You all wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The female bartender responds, "Let me stop you right there. I'm a blonde. The big bouncer at the door is a blonde. There's a biker chick sitting next to you, who is also a blonde. The singer on the stage, the manager of the bar, and two of the people at the table behind you are all blondes. Now think, do you REALLY want to tell that joke here?
"Nah," the man sighs, "not if I'm gonna have to explain it 7 times."
An entrepreneurial blonde is looking for some extra cash
So she goes door to door asking people if they have any odd jobs they need done. Around the third house or so, a sharply dressed man answers the door. She inquires about the jobs, and the wheels in his head start turning. He's been meaning to paint the massive porch that takes up the entire rear of his massive house, but such a job would take at least 3 hours.
"I'll give you $20 to paint my porch out back while I'm gone. I already have the paint and everything."
She happily agrees and totes the paint out back. He chuckles to himself as he gets into one of his many cars and heads out. That dumb broad will be at it all day, and it only cost him $20.
He comes home later, and she's just finishing up. She sees him and jogs up.
He grins. "finished?" He asks.
"Yeah and I even gave it 2 coats!"
"Are you sure? I didn't think there was enough paint there for two coats of the entire porch."
"Sure there was! There was even a little left over! Though I should tell you, it's not pronounced 'porch', it's pronounced 'Porsche'."
Three nuns die and go to heaven...
...where St. Peter greets them and informs them that in order to get into heaven, they must answer a question apeice. The first nun, who happens to be a novice nun, goes first.
"For you," says Peter, "an easy question, because of your short time as a nun. Who were the first two people?"
"That's easy," replies the nun excitedly. "Adam and Eve."
"Congratulations," says Peter, "You're in." He beckons the second nun forward. The second nun has been with the church for ten years and knows quite a bit about her religion.
"For you," says Peter, "a moderately difficult question. What color was Eve's hair?"
"I've never... I've never actually studied that," replies the nun. "But I'll take a guess. Blonde?"
"Great job," says Peter. "You're in."
He turns to the third nun, who was the head nun of her church. "And for you, a most difficult question indeed. What was the first thing Eve said to Adam in Paradise?"
After a moment of thinking, the nun looks stumped. "Gosh, that's a hard one."
"Congratulations, you're in."
Blonde Convention
(*I heard this from a friend, sorry if it is a repost.*)
A group of blonde people decided to get together and hold a blonde convention to prove that blondes aren't dumb. They invited all the blonde people in the area.
In the middle of the event, they chose one random person from the crowd to answer questions, to prove she could answer them as well as anybody else.
"What is twelve plus three?" asked the interviewer.
"Nineteen," she responded. The interviewer felt very uncomfortable, however, the crowd was still supportive. To help get the girl's confidence back up, they shouted, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
"I'm going to ask you another question," said the interviewer. "What is ten times five?"
The blonde was sure she would get it right this time. "Sixty!" she said.
The interviewer shook her head, but again, the crowd cheered, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The interviewer said, "I'm going to give you one last chance. This will be a very easy question. What is two plus one?"
"Three!" said the blonde, happy to get a question she could finally answer correctly.
The interviewer was about to congratulate when she was interrupted by the cheering of the crowd: "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
Why don't the blondes like football?
A blonde went to the Super Bowl and someone asked her afterwards how she liked it. She said she enjoyed many aspects of the experience, but she didn't understand why all the players were fighting so hard over 25 cents. She was asked what she meant. She said, "Well, before the game, they flipped a quarter and one team started out with it. For the rest of the game, they kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back.' Hellooooo?! It's only 25 cents, people."
So there's this magical mountain...
...where people jump off, and land in a pool of whatever they yell. There are three chicks, a brown-haired girl, and brunette, and a blonde. The brown-haired girl jumps, and yells "CANDY!", and lands in a huge pool of candy. The brunette jumps off and yells "MONEY!", and lands in a pool of money. The blonde jumps and yells "CANNONBALL!".
26 blondes and one brunet are on a plane
26 blonde girls and one brunet girls are on a play. They were flying along when they hit some turbulence. The pilot comes onto the speaker and says "the plane is to heavy we need to drop all unnecessary items." The people franticly grab all the thing they don't need and throw it out.
The pilot comes back on the loud speaker and says, "we are still to heavy we have to drop all the luggage." Again the people franticly begin to discard all there luggage.
The pilot comes on again and says "we are still too heavy we have to drop the floor.", so the pilot flicks the switch and everyone is hanging on by s**... the roof. When the pilot says "we are still to heavy someone has to jump.
Everyone is reluctant but finally the brunet (who is around 60) says i have live a long and happy life I will jump to save your live because you are still young and still can make something with your life. I am worn out and poor. I have nothing left.
all the blondes start to clap
A blonde and a shepherd.
A blonde, tired of people assuming she's s**..., goes to a salon and has her hair dyed brown. On her way home she sees a shepherd and his flock of sheep. She stops and asks, "if I guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" The shepherd agrees and the blonde guesses, "237." He does some quick figures in his head, realizes she's right and tells her to grab one. As she comes back with her pick **he** asks, "if I guess what color your roots are, can I have my dog back?"
**
Three blondes
Three blonde women are sitting on the side of a river. The first one says "dear God, make me twice as smart as I am so that I can cross the river". So God turns her into a brunette and she swims across. The second blonde says "dear God please make me twice as smart as you made the last girls so I can cross the river". So God turns her into a Red Head and she builds a boat and sails across. The third blonde says "dear God, make me twice as smart as you made the last girl so I can cross the river". So God turns her into a man and she walks across the bridge.
*edit* People, it's just a joke! So much hate, I've told other jokes as well. Here's an anti-man joke? Why are women bad with judging distance? Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches is their entire lives.
The postman's last day
The postman was retiring and on his final day, some people on his route decided to thank him by giving him gifts. On his last house on his route, a beautiful blonde lady comes out and asks if he'd like to come in with her. The postman agrees and he ends up spending the night with her. He wakes up the next morning to see her cooking breakfast for him.
He eats but when he finishes his coffee he sees a dollar bill at the bottom of the cup. He asks her about it and she replies::
"Oh, when I told my husband we should do something for your retirement, he told me f**...'em, give'em a dollar!'."
The blonde turns and smiles to the postman, "Breakfast was my idea!"
Train accident..
There was an accident at this train station and 20 people were dead or badly wounded after a train had hit them. Surprisingly all victims were blonde. However, there was one blonde who was intact.
A TV reporter asks the blonde, "It was a very unfortunate accident. What do you think was cause?"
Blonde replies with excitement and anger, "It happened because of wrong announcement at the station when the train arrived!"
TV Reporter is surprised, "Wrong announcement?"
Blonde says, "Yeah! The announcer said the train was coming on the platform no. 2. All these people waiting for the train on platform number 2 rushed off platform and came on the tracks."
TV Reporter is speechless, "Ummm... well... fortunately you stayed at the platform and now you are safe."
Blonde replies, "What fortunately? I came here to commit s**...!"
The ventriloquist...
...and his d**... were getting big laughs with their repertoire of blonde jokes.
Midway through the act, a blonde woman in the audience stood up and yelled, "This is offensive! Is it right to stereotype people by their race? No! Is it right to stereotype people by their religion? No! So why is it okay to stereotype women by their hair color? I'm a blonde, and I'M not s**...!"
"I'm sorry, Miss," said the ventriloquist. "I certainly didn't mean any offense."
"You stay out of this, buddy," said the blonde. "I'm talking to that little smartass on your knee!"
Brooke Gladstone told this on "On The Media" today. Told it to several people and no one else thought it was nearly as funny as I did except for my brother and my wife.
Okay. So a guy is going down the street and he sees his friend. He hasn't seen him for I don't know how long. And he has this big orange head. And, and he goes up to him and he goes, hey, what's with the big orange head? And he goes, you know, it's a funny story. I was, I was in an antique shop and I found this lamp and I, I rubbed it and a genie came out, it gave me three wishes. And so, I wished for a gorgeous house and, and you see behind me this huge mansion. Yeah, it's really nice. That's the house. And then I wished for a beautiful wife, and, and you see that really lovely blonde coming down the street. That's my wife! And, and then here's where I think I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.
Birthday at the old-age home
So it's Phil's 90th birthday. All of the residents of the old-age home are there. Suddenly, two people come in with a huge "Happy Birthday" cake. The top of the cake opens up, and out pops a gorgeous b**... blonde in a skimpy bikini. She goes over to Phil, sits on his lap, and says "It's your 90th birthday, and I'm here to give you super s**...."
Phil looks at her and says "Please don't take this the wrong way, but at my age, I'd rather have the soup."
A blonde detective is approached by a rookie
and he asks her how she thinks they will identify a victim if the victim has been decapitated and had his fingers hands cut off. The blonde detective responds with "It's simple, how many people do you think there are in this city without heads? All you need to do is run their picture against our database!"
s**... Blonde Jokes
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being s**...!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
In addition to asking presidential candidates for birth certificates, they definitely need to start asking this.
In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.
A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office.
She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"
A blonde, a priest, a pilot and a student on a crashing plane
A blonde woman, a priest, a pilot, and a high schooler are all on a crashing plane.
There are only enough parachutes to save three of them, and the pilot is the first to jump out. He grabs a parachute and says, "I'm a pilot! People need me to fly planes!" and then jumps out.
The blonde is next to jump out. She grabs a parachute and says, "My hair won't look pretty if I'm dead!" and then jumps out.
The priest then says to the high schooler, "Son, I've lived my life to its fullest and I am surely ready to join God in heaven."
The high schooler then hands a parachute to the priest and puts another parachute on himself. The priest is shocked and asks the high schooler, "Oh Lord! Where did you find this extra parachute?"
The high schooler replies, "The blonde lady took my backpack!"
I was driving down the motorway with my blonde girlfriend the other day and she said,
"I think those people in the car next to us are from another country"
"why is that?" I said
"Well, the kids are writing on the window and it says, 'stit rey su wohs'"
4 people in the carriage of a train – a Jew, a pretty young blond, an ugly old woman and a Muslim
It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel.
In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Muslim is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.
The old lady thinks, I bet that Muslim fondled the blond in the dark and she slapped him.
The pretty young blond thinks, I bet the Muslim tried to f**... me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him."
The Muslim thinks, I bet that dirty Jew fondled the blond in the dark, but the blond thought it was me and hit me.
The Jew thinks, I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that Muslim m**... again."
I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about blondes
A blonde got really tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom.
As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, *"I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being s**...!"*
Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe.
The husband said, *"I thought you were hanging yourself."*
She said, *"Yes, I am!"*
The husband replied, *"Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?"*
She said, *"I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."*
Blond joke
A blonde goes to her car in the parking and to her shock there is a dent on the flank. A guy passing by seeing she is blonde tells her: "you need to go on your knees on blow in the exhaust pipe as hard as you can. Then just like a plastic bottle it will go back to normal."
The blonde is very thankfull and starts blowing.
A few minutes pass and another blonde comes by and yells at her " oh my god I can't believe you what are you doing"
The first one explains the situation to which the second blonde answers "no wonder people think we are s**... with blondes like you. This will never work you left a window open!"
A blonde is driving her car and...
...she runs over 20 people while driving.
The officer pulls her up and says "Miss', do you know you just ran over 20 people back there?"
She replies:
"I'm sorry officer, what's the limit?"
Blonde Bar
A blind man walks into a bar. He orders a drink and relaxes. Later, he yells to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar is now silent. The man next to the blind man says to him, "I don't think you should tell that joke. That bartender is blond, the person sitting next to you is a professional MMA fighter, I'm blonde and I am 6'5'' and weigh 200 pounds, and the bouncer outside is also blonde. Now, do you really want to tell that blonde joke anymore?" The blind man replies, "No, not if I have to explain it to 4 different people."
A blonde walks up to her blonde mom...
and asks,
"Mom, why does everyone think we are s**...?"
Her mum chuckles and says
"Bring me a p**..."
A bit confused, the daughter goes and grabs a p**... from the kitchen and hands it to her mom. Soon after the mother starts knocking on the p**....
The daughter turns to the door and says,
"Mom! Someone is at the door!"
The mom chuckles and says,
"See, this is why people think Blondes are s**......
now hold this p**... so I can go answer the door."
*Edit* Changed gender of daughter back, sorry tumblr.
Three women- a blond, a brunette, and a red head, are all about to be executed by ISIS
The red head was up first. Right before she was going to be executed she yelled, TORNADO! All of the ISIS members took cover and she escaped. The brunette was the next in line. She followed in the red-head's footprints and this time screamed SANDSTORM! The gullible ISIS members again ducked for cover while she escaped. The blonde thought to herself, This is going to be easy. These people are idiots. The blonde stood with a smug look on the shooting block while the ISIS leader roared, Ready…Aim…. The blonde yelled, FIRE!
Good joke to drop on most people.
A man walks into a bar and see's a sign that says:
Hamburgers - $1.00
Cheeseburgers - $2.00
h**... - $10.00
So the man approaches the blond, b**..., beautiful bartender and says: "Are you the one who gives the h**...?"
She replies "I sure am, sugar!"
"Great. Wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
A blonde wants to prove to people that she's not just a dumb blonde.
So she asks her friend, "How could I show people I'm smart?"
Her friend says, "Well- you could start by learning all the provinces and their capitals."
The blonde spends the whole week learning them. It's hard, but she knows it will be worth it when people see how smart she is.
The next week she's at a party and a man asks a question. Full of confidence, the blonde says, "I know the answer!"
The man is sceptical, but she says, "I'll have you know I'm not just a dumb blonde, I know all the provinces and their capitals."
He says, "Okay, what's the capital of Saskatchewan?"
She grins and says, "Easy. S!"
11 Blondes and a brunette
There are 12 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 11 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
A smart scientist amd a blonde girl sit down on a plane.
A very smart man boards a plane and sits down.
A blond girl sits next to him.
He is bored so he says to her
"Let's play a game, I give you a riddle if you cannot find the answer you pay me 5 dollars. If you answer it though you give me a riddle and I don't answer it I'll give you 300$"
She says "OK, I'll go first."
"What goes up a hill on 1 leg and goes down on 2?"
He thinks about it for a while but after about 10 minutes can't find a answer so he Google's it.
Nothing.
He calls scientists and several well educated people. They have no clue.
He, a man of his word gives the 300 dollars to her.
He asks for the answer she shrugs and hands him 5$
A blonde, a burnette and a redhead are stranded on an island 15 miles from shore...
The burnette says "I have always been a very good swimmer, I will swim to shore and send help." She swims out 5 miles then drowns.
The next day the redhead says, "I was on the swim team in highschool, I know I can swim 15 miles, I will go get help." She swims out 10 miles and drowns.
The next day the blonde thinks "It's up to me to get help!" She swims out 14.9 miles, she can see and hear the people on the beach, but she gets tired and swims back to the island.
The Blonde that wanted to prove she wasn't dumb.
A blonde woman kept getting told she was dumb because she was blonde.
She decided to dye her hair black and show people how smart she was.
She approached a farmer with a herd of sheep and asked him.
-"Sir, if i can guess how many sheep you have there, will you give me one?"
-"Well ma'am, i suppose, if you guess the exact number i'll let you have one".
-"Alright, you have 134 sheep".
-"I'll be d**..., that's exactly right, well, pick the one you like".
-"THIS ONE!"
-"If i guess the natural color of your hair, can i have my dog back?"
A blonde and her husband are watching the news...
News: A Brazilian man died while skydiving when his parachute didn't open.
The blonde bursts into tears
Husband (comforting her): I know it's sad, but people need to know that there's a risk while skydiving.
Blonde: But that's a lot of people. How many is a Brazilian?
A blonde is proposed by her fiancee.
"Sara, will you marry me?"
"Yes, I will!"
"This ring is from my grandmother. She survived the holocaust with this."
"I didn't know they gave rings out to people during the holocaust"
Another Blonde Joke
Two blondes stood by a car in which they had accidentally locked the key.
We need to get in there, says the first blonde. Why don't we use a coat hanger to slide the lock open?
No, says the second. People'd think we're trying to steal the car.
I have a pair of scissors, says the first. We could use it to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock."
No, they'd just say we're too s**... to use a coat hanger.
Well, we'd better think of something fast, sighed the first blonde. It's starting to rain and all the car windows are open.
Another Blonde Joke
There were five blondes and one brunette holding onto a rope off the edge of a cliff.
But their rope could only bear the weight of of five people.
The brunette said, "Save yourselves. I'll let go."
Impressed by her sacrifice, all of the blondes clapped…
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island
The brunette decides to try to swim to another island with more people on it. She can only swim 1/8 of the way, so she swims back. The redhead tries the same, but only makes it 1/4 of the way. The blonde makes it halfway, gets tired and swims back.
a blonde at a vending machine
A blonde comes to a vending machine, then she inserts a coin inside. She pushes a button and the vending machine releases a drink. The blonde puts the drink at the top of the vending machine, inserts a coin again, presses the button again and places another drink at the top. After this happens several times another person says to the blonde:
"Madam, there are several other people waiting for a drink."
The blonde replies: "Shhh! Can't you see I am WINNING now?"
50 blondes and a brunette went on a hiking trip
They tripped and began to fall. They managed to hold onto a rope. The rope could only hold 50 people, so they decided one of them needed to let go. The brunette decides to let go. She gave a heartbreaking speech.... All 50 blondes began clapping, needless to say, the rope could now hold 49 others
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead stuck on an island.
There were three people stranded on an island that was about 10 miles away from civilization after a couple of days they had eaten up and drank all of there supply's so they decided that they should try and swim to civilization first the brunette tries she gets 7 miles out then she drowns and dies the redhead only gets to about 3 miles she then drowns and dies then the blonde gets to about 5 miles says I'm tired and swims back the island
A blonde, a Brunette and a Red Head were stranded on an island....
The island was 50 miles from the mainland and the girls all thought they might be able to swim back, so they all jumped into the ocean.
After about 10 miles, the Brunette said, "I'm not gonna make it!" And she drowned.
After about 25 miles, the Red Head said, "I'm not gonna make it!" And she drowned.
The blonde kept going, determined to survive. She made it 49 miles. She could see the shore and people on the beach, but was extremely exhausted.
Then she said, "I'm not gonna make it!" So she swam all the way back.
Jesus and Buddha are sitting in Heaven.
Buddha: "I should've made one of those rules where people aren't allowed to depict me."
Jesus: "Why?"
Buddha: "They keep making me look fat!"
Jesus: "Tell me about it. I've been a blond white guy for two thousand years!"
There were eleven people hanging onto a rope which was hanging from a from an aeroplane.
There were eleven people hanging onto a rope which was hanging from a from an aeroplane. Ten were Blondes, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, then the rope would break and everyone would die.
No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, 'I'll get off,' and she made a really moving speech.
All of the blondes started immediately applauding.
A brunette and two blondes were hanging on a rope that was attached to a helicopter...
They were hanging on for dear life. However, they were told that the rope was going to break soon and that it could only support two people at this rate.
The two blondes started arguing about who should let go of the rope. The brunette didn't speak for most of the argument, but suddenly thought of a brilliant idea.
She shushed the two blondes, and started telling them a story very emotionally. The two blondes were so touched by the story that they started clapping.
Problem solved.
There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car...
The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"
The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."
The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"
The other one answered," No, people will think we're too s**... to use the coat hanger."
The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."
A blonde saved enough money to buy a convertible.
So she goes out for a drive into the country. Top down, music blaring, what people stereotypically do in convertibles.
She gets to the middle of a field, and sees her friend, who is also blonde, rowing in a boat. In the middle of a field.
She puts her car in park and steps out.
What are you doing?! She yells.
Can't you see I'm boating? Her friend replies.
You're in the middle of a field! You can't row a boat in the middle of a field! It's blondes like you that make blondes like me look bad! I'd go out there and tell you off, but I don't know how to swim.
A blonde calls out to a man on the street: Excuse me, what time is it now?
It is 4:35.
That is strange.
What is?
Every time I ask this question, different people give me different answers.
