Blonde Jokes

funny jokes about blonde and hilarious stories

BEST BLONDE JOKES

Blonde jokes and pranks to have fun with friends and family. Top 10 jokes about Blonde of all time along with the funniest blonde gags ever told.

Handjobs


A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:

"Cheeseburgers: $5

Fries: $3

Handjobs: $10."

He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"

"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.

"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

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A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis
His doctor tells him to ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk. Later, his blonde wife comes home and finds him with his dick in a saucer of cold milk.

"Good heavens!" she remarks "I always wondered how you reloaded those things!"

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A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?"

Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.

Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".

The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."

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Blonde Joke
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............'

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A translated Norwegian joke
Two guys meets in the middle of nowhere, trying to find their wives.
They decide to help each other out, by describing their wives.

The first man goes on: "My wife is tall, well fit, blonde, got big firm breasts, thight bouncy ass, a massive lust for sex and a face of a model. How about yours"?

The second man replies: "She can go F**k herself, lets search for yours instead!"

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Comfortable
Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then decides to take their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "If I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, comfortable."

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you just write, comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's a slow reader."

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A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble...
Lost her job and she's in dire financial straits.

She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my job and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.

She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my job, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my job, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.

The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."

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Psychologist at a bar.
A shy guy walks into a bar and sees a beautiful blonde woman sitting at the counter. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively,

"Um, do you mind if i buy you a drink?"


She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs,

"No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" And walk out the door. Everyone in the bar is now staring at the guy.


Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and walks aways to his table.

After a few minutes, the blonde woman returns and walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says,

"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs,

"WHAT?! $200 FOR A BLOWJOB?!"

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A blonde woman was speeding...
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

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There were 2 blondes...
So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".

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LATEST BLONDE JOKES

A blonde, brunette, and redhead get together for lunch in NYC.
Three long-time friends, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead get together over lunch at a New York City deli. Since they haven't seen each other for a while, the brunette says to the redhead "So you went to Alaska last month, right? What did you while you were there?" The redhead replies "Iditarod". Surprised, the blonde looks up from her menu, and says "Why'd you go all the way to Alaska just for that? Yankee stadium is right over there."

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What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? (NSFW)
A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it!

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A Brunette confessed something to her blonde friend
The Brunette said "I feel bad.... I slept with a guy. Ughh well, to be honest, it wasn't Just a guy, it was a Brazilian.".


Then the Blonde said "you slut! How many is a Brazilian?"

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How to sink a submarine with a blonde on board?
Just knock. She will open it.

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How do you a submarine with a blonde on board?
Just knock. She will open it.

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Why can't a blonde dial 911?
Because she can't find the number 11

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What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it

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Sterotype hot horny blonde goes to a bar
She was like having no sex for month and she just urged for a huge cock. So the girl walks up to some black stud that looks just well equiped enough for her needs and starts to flirt. One things come to another and 30 minutes later they're walking down the road to her place. In lustful anticipation she looks up to him and asks: "So... Is... Is it true what they say, well you know, what they say about black men?". Black guy smirks "I'm sorry hunny, but yes", snatches her purse and runs off.

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One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver, extremely furious, made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

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Three blondes walking by some tracks
Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, "Look, it's deer tracks." The second one said, "No, it's wolf tracks" and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.

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How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree! I may not be a girl, but I'm blonde and find blonde jokes hilarious. xD

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2 blondes are on their way to Disneyland...
they see a sign reading "Disneyland left". So they cried a bit and headed home.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know. I'll tell you when the sun is up.

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Blonde joke
A blonde went to the counter and told the lady "can i have a double cheeseburger, large fries and coke"

The lady at the counter said,"Excuse me this is a library"

The blonde replied by lowering her voice and speaking in a low soft tone," Mayi have a double cheeseburger, large fries and coke please?"

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Two blondes in a hole
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

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A blonde woman is pulled over for speeding
The officer, who happens to also be a blonde woman, asks the speeder for her Drivers License.

She hands it over to the cop. She takes one look at the photo on the ID and says "Oh haha I didn't know you were a cop too, I can't give you a ticket" and sends her on her way.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a community college
Well, they are both pretty easy to get into, but I don't have 3 community colleges under my basement. That would be ridiculous.

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A Russian, an American, and a blonde are talking...
about space achievements each of their kind has accomplished.

Russian: We were the first in space

American: We were the first on the moon

Blonde: We will be the first on the sun. How, you ask? We go at night.

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Can a blonde solve a math problem? (WARNING: math joke)
The odds are, they can't even

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead had a swimming race
They had to do the breast stroke. The brunette finished first, followed closely by the redhead. They had to go save the blonde because she seemed to be drowning.

When the blonde was able to speak she yelled, "you cheated! You guys used your arms!"

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BLONDE JOKES THAT ARE...

Blonde jokes can be funny or dirty, insulting of disgusting. Most of them are suitable for kids and family.

BEST SHORT JOKES

Short jokes about family, one liners, thoughts and captions that are funny and will make you laugh.

Why was the blonde nymphomaniac sad after she got her driver's license?
She got an F in sex.

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A redhead tells her blonde sister, "I slept with a Brazilian..."
The blonde replies: "Oh My Gosh! You slut! How many is a Brazilian?"

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What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell! She's got a grenade in her mouth!

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Why did the blonde snort splenda?
She thought it was diet coke.

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How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?
When she can't find her pencil and there is a tampon behind her ear.

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What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell, she's holding a grenade !

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So a redhead says to her blonde friend...
"I just slept with a Brazilian."
the blonde says, "You slut! How many is a brazilion?"

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There's only 3 blonde jokes...
The rest are true stories.

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Why did the Blonde snort Sweet & Low?
She thought it was Diet Coke!

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Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.

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BEST DIRTY JOKES

Some of the meanest, sex-obsessed and most filthy blonde jokes.

Red head says to blonde - "I feel so dirty....
....I slept with a Brazilian!".

Blonde says - "Oh, you little slut puppy, you! Hey - I forgot....how many is a Brazilian?"

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What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde? You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!

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Why can't blondes count to 70? Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

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Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...

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What do you call a blonde with pig tails? A blowjob with handlebars.

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Why is a blonde like a railway track? She gets laid all over the country.

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Why did God give blondes pussys? So guys will talk to them at parties.

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Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity?
A: The crayons are still sticky.

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What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A blowjob with handlebars.

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Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means Stop.

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BEST STUPID JOKES

Jokes about stupidity and the dumb blonde stereotype aimed at blonde women.

A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?"

Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.

Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".

The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."

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A blonde is watching a ventriloquist perform at a bar...
...and the ventriloquist, with his dummy, is telling blonde joke after blonde joke, filling the bar with laughter. After several of these jokes, the blonde stands up, infuriated, and yells, "Listen here, jackass. Not all blondes are stupid and the jokes need to stop, it is a very cheap way to get laughs."

Stunned, the ventriloquist timidly begins to apologize, "Ma'am, I am so sorry. I had no idea I was offending anyone."

The blonde replies, "Stay out of this, sir. I'm talking to that little shit on your knee!"

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My wife came home to find me in bed with a young, attractive blonde girl
She said "what the fuck are you doing?"
I replied, "we're practicing our golf swings"
"That's a stupid answer!".....I said, "well, that was a stupid fucking question"

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The ventriloquist...
...and his dummy were getting big laughs with their repertoire of blonde jokes.

Midway through the act, a blonde woman in the audience stood up and yelled, "This is offensive! Is it right to stereotype people by their race? No! Is it right to stereotype people by their religion? No! So why is it okay to stereotype women by their hair color? I'm a blonde, and I'M not stupid!"

"I'm sorry, Miss," said the ventriloquist. "I certainly didn't mean any offense."

"You stay out of this, buddy," said the blonde. "I'm talking to that little smartass on your knee!"

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A blonde and a shepherd.
A blonde, tired of people assuming she's stupid, goes to a salon and has her hair dyed brown. On her way home she sees a shepherd and his flock of sheep. She stops and asks, "if I guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" The shepherd agrees and the blonde guesses, "237." He does some quick figures in his head, realizes she's right and tells her to grab one. As she comes back with her pick **he** asks, "if I guess what color your roots are, can I have my dog back?"

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Three blondes are walking in the forest.
So one day, three blondes were walking in the forest. Eventually, they happened upon some unidentified tracks in the ground.

"Hey, look! Deer tracks!" The first blonde said.

"No, they're raccoon tracks!" The second argued.

"You guys are stupid," interjected the third blonde, "these are clearly bear tracks."

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

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Three Blondes
Three blondes were walking in the woods when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Hey guys, look at the bear tracks." The second blonde said, "Are you stupid? Those are wolf tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong! Those are fox tracks!" They were all still arguing when the train hit them.

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Three Blondes
Three blondes are hiking in the woods when they see some tracks.

1st blonde: Look guys, deer tracks!

2nd blonde: No, stupid, they're wolf tracks!

3rd blonde: You guys are both dumb, they're clearly bear tracks!

Then they got hit by a train.

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Why did the blonde have bruises around her belly button?
Because blonde guys are stupid too.

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A blonde is walking on the bank of a wide river when
she sees another blonde on the opposing bank. The first blonde yells: "Hey! How do you get to the other side?" To which the second blonde yells back: "What are you, stupid? You are on the other side."

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WHAT ARE BLONDE JOKES ABOUT?

Blonde is if great topic to laugh at. Some of the funniest jokes ever are about blonde.

Are Blonde jokes funny? For sure! There is no such thing as boring blonde joke here. All jokes are funny in their own way. You can also read blonde jokes images on Pinterest or watch videos with blonde jokes on YouTube.

TOP MONEY JOKES THAT ARE BLONDE

Jokes about money, wealth, riches and its influence on blondes.

A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble...
Lost her job and she's in dire financial straits.

She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my job and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.

She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my job, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my job, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.

The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."

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Two Blonde Genies
A guy finds a lamp and rubs it. Out pop two blonde genies. They thank him and offer him 3 wishes. He thinks for a minute, and *poof*...

He's in a vast room filled with $100 bills to his waist. He looks across the room and sees a door. He makes his way through the money to the door and opens it...

Now he is in another room filled with beautiful, naked women. He looks across the room and sees another door. He fondles his way across the room to that door and opens it...

Where he finds the two blonde genies who drag him to a tree and hang him by the neck until he is dead.

As they are walking away the one turns to the other and says, "I understand why he wanted wealth beyond his wildest dreams. I understand why he wanted to be surrounded by beautiful, naked women. By, why in the world did he want to be hung like a black man?"

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A blonde is taking money out of an ATM,
when the blonde behind her in line says, "Ha! Ha! I know your password. It's four asterisks."

The first blonde replies, "Ha! Ha! No it's not. It's 3862."

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blond joke
A blonde went into an internet cafe to send a message to her mother overseas.

When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money, but I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).

"Anything?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.

Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did.

He then said "Now get on your knees."

She did.

"Now take down my zipper."

She did.

"Now go ahead ... Take it out....." He said.

She reached in and grabbed it with both hands. Then paused.

The man closed his eyes and whispered .."Well ... Go ahead."

The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, .... tentatively said .... "Hello. Mum, can you hear me?"

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A blonde...
...is at a soda machine outside a gas station. A man walks up to her because he sees she has her arms full of soda cans. She put in another quarter, and yet another soda pops out. Another quarter, another can. He finally asked her, "Why do you keep putting money into the machine? I think you have enough." She replied, "I can't help it. I keep winning!"

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So there's this magical mountain...
...where people jump off, and land in a pool of whatever they yell. There are three chicks, a brown-haired girl, and brunette, and a blonde. The brown-haired girl jumps, and yells "CANDY!", and lands in a huge pool of candy. The brunette jumps off and yells "MONEY!", and lands in a pool of money. The blonde jumps and yells "CANNONBALL!".

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Blonde Betrayal
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

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A blonde goes into a bank...
...to withdraw some money. The clerk asks her:

"Could you please indentify yourself?"

The blonde pulls out a mirror from her bag, looks into it and says:

"Yes, it is me."

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So a guys asks a blonde…
if he can do her from behind. She obviously says no. The guy then says he will be very quick and offers her 100$. All she has to do is pick up the money while he drops it on the floor. She tells him she has to ask her boyfriend. She tells her boyfriend about the offer and he tells her to make it 200$ instated. "He won't even have time to unzip before you pick it up". The next day the blonde accepts the offer and bends down to pick up the money. Later the same day the blonde comes home limping. "What happened honey?" asks the boyfriend. "It was all in coins" she replied.

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Bob And The Blonde
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did, too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money.

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Heard about the blonde that sold her car for GAS Money...

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A midget walks into a bar
A midget walks into a bar. The stools are a bit high for him, so he looks up at a pretty blonde bartender and asks her, "can you help me get onto the stool?"

Always wanting the please the customer, she comes around the bar, picks the little fella up and puts him on the stool.

He sits and drinks for awhile, puts down some money, and starts to leave. Seeing this, the bartender runs around, grabs him, and puts him down on the floor.

He looks up at here and says, "Sweetie, I only needed your help getting up, not off."

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[NSFW] An Australian, a Greek man, and a New Zealander walk into a brothel....
The madam tells them of the special for the day.

"You can have one of my ladies do anything, ANYTHING, you like for only $5 but only if you can ask for it in three words"

The Australian walks up to a gorgeous blonde girl and says

"suck my dick"

The madam gives a nod of approval collects his money and off they go.

The Greek man finds a beautiful dark haired woman and says

"in the ass"

The madam raises an eyebrow, smirks, collects his money and off they go.

The New Zealander walks up to a stunning red haired woman and says

"paint my house"

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I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts... she gave me change!

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A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown.


She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep.
She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?"
The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?"
"Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car.
The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"

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Q: What do you get when you give a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

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My girlfriend told me this one
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

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Q: Once there was the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde they were walking down the road when they saw a $100 dollars bill who gets it??
A: No one the first four doesn't exist and the other blonde thought it was a gum wrapper!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

...constipated blonde
**Doctor:** ...whats the problem?

**blonde:** ...I have constipation, I believe it's an obstruction.

**Doctor:** ...OK take your clothes off, lay on the couch on to your left side bring your knees up to your chest whilst l take a peek!

...*the doctor examines her and coughs*!

**Doctor:** ...there's money here!

...*using forceps to pull out a Β£20 note*.

**blonde:** ...How much is there?

...*still finding more.... Β£10 notes, Β£50 notes and some loose change*!

**Doctor:** ...Β£1999.97 exactly!

**blonde:** ...I thought I wasn't feeling too grand!

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One day a blonde woman entered an autobody shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car.
The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents.
He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out.
The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway.
She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing.
After hearing the whole story the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, β€œHello! The windows are down. Your personal check for the full $30,000.”

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What does a blonde in a supermarket bending over?
Looking for low prices!

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A Blonde and a Red head go out for dinner
While waiting for their dinner they decide to watch the 6 o'clock news, on the news a man was threatening to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge. So the red head says to the blonde "I bet you 50$ the man doesn't jump." so the blonde says "okay ill take that bet." after a couple minutes the guy jumps, as the blonde is handing over the cash the red head says" I cant take this money I watched the 5 o'clock news so I knew he would jump." and the blonde said " so did I but I didn't think he'd jump again"

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Two croupiers are sitting bored at the roulette of THE CASINO.


Suddenly a very attractive blonde woman enters and bets $20,000 on a roll, saying: "I hope you do not mind, but I feel very lucky when I play naked."
With that, she unbuttons the zipper, takes her dress and underwear off, throw the dice and yells: "Come on baby, mama needs new clothes!"
She looks with agony and as soon as the dice stops, starts jumping up and down screaming: "YES, YES, YES I WON!"
She embraces one to one of the dealers, taking her profits and clothes and disappears.
The guys are looking dumbfounded at each other.
Eventually, one asks: "Did you see what dice she rolled?"
"I do not know, I thought you were watching!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting: "

GIVE US YER LOOT!"
A: They were both blonds.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o’clock news.


The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.
The brunette turns to the blonde and says, ” I BET you $50 the man is going to jump.”
The blonde replies, β€œOkay you’re on.” Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.
The brunette says, β€œI can’t accept this MONEY. I watched the 5 o’clock news and saw the man jump then.”
β€œNo, you have to take it,” says the blonde.
β€œI watched the 5 o’clock news too, but I didn’t think he would do it again.”

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So a blonde police officer is driving around...
And she sees a man with a money bag over his shoulder and holding 2 pistols running across the street. She then puts her sirens on and rolls down her window to talk to him. She yells at him for jaywalking, gives him a ticket, then drives away.

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Everybody has a lucky day. Everybody.
A guy is standing behind a blonde at a vending machine, waiting for her to get her can of soda. She gets a can out, puts more money in, gets another can, this continues for the best part of 10 minutes. She keeps getting more and more cans out of the machine, stacking them up on the ground beside her. Finally the guy can't take it anymore and says...

"Lady, are you almost finished?"

She turns to him and says...

"Are you crazy? I'm on a winning streak!"

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So a man and a blonde are sitting in a bar and watching the news at 6pm
The newscast shows a man standing on a bridge threatening to jump. The man says to the blonde, "I bet you five dollars he's gonna jump.". The blonde replies, "You're on."
The man on the bridge then jumps and is killed on impact.
The blonde pulls five dollars out of her wallet to give to the man.
But he says, "I can't take your money. I saw this on the 4 o'clock news."
She says, "I did too. I just didn't think he would jump again.

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Blonde Paint Job Warning:Long
A blonde,wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself as a handyman type and started canvasing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the man asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Blonde Paint Job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

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A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.


"That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What are the eight cents for?" asks the blonde.
"It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee," says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."

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Choosing a Secretary
A businessman decides that it is time to hire a new secretary and has it narrowed down to a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. Unable to choose between the three of them, he decides to conduct an experiment. At the end of the day he places a five dollar bill on the ground in his office to see how each girl would react. The blonde sees the money, picks it up, and places on his desk and then walks out. The redhead sees the money but ignores it and walks out. The brunette sees the money, looks around, and puts it in her pocket before leaving. Which girl did the businessman hire?


The one with the biggest tits.

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A blonde and a redhead..
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend". The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet".
So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money".
The blonde replied "well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!" Β ΰ² __ΰ² 

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A blonde goes into an overseas transmission center...
So this blonde goes into this transmission center to go talk to her mother, which is in another continent working 12 hours a day. The male receptionist said "100 dollars please," and the woman remembered she left the cash at home. She didn't have the time to wait, so she said to the male receptionist, "I don't have the money, but please, I'll do ANYTHING to talk to my mother!"

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would suspect) and said again, "Anything?" "Yes," said the blonde. So the man told her to come into a room with him, lock the door, unzip his pants, and pull his tool out.

She did as she was told.

And after a few moments of silence, the man whispers "...well...go on..." And so the woman goes really close to his tool, puts her mouth right in front of it, and........ "Hello? Mom? Can you hear me?"

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A neuro-surgeon goes to a bar.
One day, a neuro-surgeon hears about this trendy new bar opening on the other side of town called Barristers. He arrives at the bar and, not long after arriving, he's talking to this gorgeous blonde and they're really hitting it off. Then she asks, "So what do you do for a living?" And he says "Well, I make a lot of money as a neuro-surgeon." "oh," she says and she can barely hide her disappointment.

They keep talking but it's not quite the same as before and eventually she excuses herself and walks away.

"What went wrong?" he wonders, "I know! I'm in a place called Barristers! All the girls here are looking for lawyers!"

So the neuro-surgeon hits it off with this stunning brunette and they're flirting and having a great time and she says, "so what do you do for a living?" and he says "I make a lot of money as a Defense Attorney." and the brunette is all over him. They're really getting into it so they retire to the hotel across the street and make passionate love to one another until they're both exhausted.

As they're lying there recovering, the neuro-surgeon starts giggling to himself. So, the brunette says, "What's so funny?" and he starts cackling harder and harder. "You best not be laughing at me!" she cries and he can only lie there gasping for breath he's laughing so hard. "WHAT THE HELL IS SO DAMN FUNNY?!" She screams and he's roaring with laughter, "I've only been a lawyer an hour and I've already fucked somebody!"

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A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a train.
The lawyer, assuming he could make some easy money, wanted to play a game with the blonde; he would ask her a question, and if she could not answer, she would pay him $5. Then she would ask him a question, and if he could not answer, he would pay her $5.

The blonde had no interest in playing with the the lawyer, so he offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5. But every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

The blonde thought about it for about a minute, and decided she did not know the answer. So she gave him his $5.

She then asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous phone calls, trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

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Once there was a magical mirror.
When you told the thruth it gave you things, but if you lie to it, it makes you vanish forever.
One day three college girls went to the mirror.
The red head said "I think I'm the smartest one."
Then she got a diploma, scholarship, and got accepted into all the colleges in the world.
The brunette then said "I think I'm the prettiest one."
Then she got a Corvette, mansion, a good looking boyfriend , and a lot of money.
Then the blonde said " I think...*poof*"
Then she suddenly dissapearred forever

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Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting.


One looked at the other and said, β€œI’ve got to take a crap.”
The other said, β€œWell go behind one of those big trees, and crap.”
The first one said, β€œBut I don’t have any paper to wipe my ass.”
The other blonde replied, β€œYou have a dollar, don’t you?”
The first one said, β€œYeah, I’ve got a dollar. That’s a great idea– I’ll use that!”
He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, β€œWhat in the hell happened to you?”
The first one replied, β€œHave you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”

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A blonde and her boyfriend are going through they're daily routine in the bathroom when there's a knock at the door.
The boyfriend who is in the shower tells the blonde to go answer the door.
The blonde puts on a towel and goes to the door.
A man is standing there, and says "Hey hun, do me a favor."
"What?" askes the blonde.
"Drop the towel and I'll give you $500!." replied the man.
The blonde drops her towel and jiggles her tits for the man at the door.
"Thanks, a ton hun, i'll catch you later" says the man and he hands her the $500.
The blonde walks back smilling to her boyfriend who had just got out of the shower.
As he steps out, he says "Hey hun?
I just thought I'd let you know John will be stopping by to pay me back that $500 he owes me!"

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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.

50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND JOB: $10.00
He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.
"Can I help you?" she asks.
"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

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A blonde was trying to sell her old car.


She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.
The brunette told her, β€œThere is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”
β€œThat doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde, β€œif I can only sell the car.”
β€œOkay,” said the brunette. β€œHere is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will β€˜fix it’. Then you shouldn’t have a problem anymore trying to sell your car.”

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, β€œDid you sell your car?”
β€œNo,” replied the blonde, β€œWhy should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!”

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A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp.
After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for.
So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars.
"Every blonde in the world will get two million."
The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man.
Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.
The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes.
"Now for your third wish." said the genie.
"See that stick over there?", asked the brunette,
"I want you to beat me half to death with it."

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A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.


β€œHow did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
β€œWell, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.
β€œWhat?” sputtered the doctor. β€œYou tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”
β€œNo silly!” the blonde said. β€œFirst I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”
β€œSo then?” asked the doctor.
β€œThen I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
β€œSo then?”
β€œThen I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”

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There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game.


At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see if she could win $1000.
The first question was what is 10 plus 11?
She hesitates and says, "hm.. 5!"
The host says "No, I'm sorry thats incorrect."
All of the blondes in the stadium chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
So the host agrees and said, "Ok how about 5 plus 5."
She answers and says "20".
Again all the blondes chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
So the host agrees again and says, "OK, last chance, what is 2 plus 2."
The blonde says "4!" and the audience says "Give her another chance give her another chance!"

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On a famous TV game show a blonde contestant needed only to answer one more question.


One simple question stood between her and the Ł1.000 prize.
"To be today's champion," the show's host smiled, "name two of Santa's reindeer."
The blonde gave a sigh of relief because she had been given such an easy question.
"Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and... Olive!"
The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied,Β "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!'"
"You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

So this blonde woman walks into a shop and asks the owner
"

Have you got a phone I can borrow as I have a bit of money and I want to call my mom."
The owner says "yes" and takes her to the back of the room as he realized she was a blonde so he wanted a blowjob.
So they go in the back of the room and the guy took his pants off and took out his penis.
So the woman gave him the money and she put her mouth on his penis and shouted: "HEY MOM ARE YOU IN THERE!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

TOP FOOD JOKES THAT ARE BLONDE

Puns and jokes about blondes who eat mexican, chinese or fast food.

Handjobs


A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:

"Cheeseburgers: $5

Fries: $3

Handjobs: $10."

He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"

"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.

"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

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A blonde enters a library.
She goes to the counter and says "I'll like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola."
The librarian says "Ma'am this is library."
So the blonde leans in and whispers "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola."

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What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios? Donut Seeds.

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Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?

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Q: What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college?
A: "

Would you like fries with that?"

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Q: Why did the blonde keep an empty carton of milk in the fridge?
A: In case she wanted black coffee.

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One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters.


She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse.
Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Did you hear about the blonde who was a really good cook?
She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece!

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3 women go to the desert a brunette, redhead, and a blonde and each only bring one thing...
The brunette was asked what she brought. She said she brought food in case they got hungry.

The redhead was asked what she brought. She said water in case they got thirsty.

The brunette was asked what she brought. She said a car door so if they got hot she could roll the window down.

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At work, a blonde notices her that cubicle mate has a thermos.


She asks him what it's for, and he responds, "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold."
The blonde immediately buys one.
The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.
Her cube mate asks, "What do you have in it?"
The blonde says, "Soup and ice cream."

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Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

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A married couple go to a restaurant.
A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it.
The man asks, "Where's the burger?"
The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit.
"I was keeping it warm," she replies.
The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."

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Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops?
A: So they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus.

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A blonde walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Can I have a burger and fries?"
She replies, "Sorry, this is a library."
The blonde whispers, "Oh, sorry. May I have a burger and fries?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.

50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND JOB: $10.00
He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.
"Can I help you?" she asks.
"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.


A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, β€œI wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
β€œWhy not?”
β€œI took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A blonde, a red head, and a brunette were on a plane.


The red head takes a bite of an apple doesn't like it she throws it out the window.
The brunette takes a bite out of an orange doesn't like it she throws it out the window.
The blonde takes a bit of a bomb doesn't like it she throws it out the window.
They get out of the plane.
They come up to a little boy asks why he is crying! he says "An apple fell on my dog and killed my dog."
They keep walking and come up to a little girl and asks why she is crying. She says" An orange fell on my cat and killed my cat."
They keep walking.
They come up to a blonde laughing her head off.
"Why are you laughing so hard?" they said.
"When I farted the building blew up!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: How can you tell that a blonde been baking chocolate chip cookies?
A: There are M&

M shells all over the floor.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Be careful never to let a blonde have a coffee break.

..
It takes too long to retrain her afterwards!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

So, a blonde, an asian, and an african american are at lunch at school
The blonde opens up her lunch box and sees a PB&J. She exclaims "If I get PB&J one more time I'm going to kill myself."

The asian girl opens her lunch box and sees rice. She says "If I get rice more time I'm going to kill myself."

The african american girl opens her lunch box and sees chicken. She goes "If I get chicken one more time, I'm going to kill myself."

The next day they're all at lunch and the same thing happens, only they all kill themselves once they've opened they're lunch box and see the same food.

The asian girls parents cry "If only we didn't pack her rice for lunch again!"

The african american girls parents cry "If only we didn't pack her chicken again!"

The blonde girls parents look puzzled and say "I don't know what her problem was, she packed her own lunch."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

ABBA walked into my kebab shop.

ABBA came into my Kebab Shop last Night, they ordered some Food and left.



Five minutes later they returned, and the Blonde Woman placed the Food back on the Counter.



I looked at the Food and said "Chicken Tikka, Tell me what's wrong".

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A blonde calls a pizza place to have one ordered to her house.


They ask her if she wants the pizza cut into 6 or 12 pieces and she says,
"Cut it into 6, I could never eat 12 pieces."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What do spaghetti and blondes have in common?
A: They both wiggle when you eat them!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.


β€œI want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
β€œWow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says.
β€œDid you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nods…
β€œI’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
β€œFrom hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.
β€œNo, from skipping,” replied the blonde.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A blonde, a brunet and a red head were running from the cops when they came upon three empty sacks laying in front of a closed store.
"Let's hide in these and the cops won't find us!" said the red head, and they each dove into the sacks.
The brunet hid in one that said CAT.
The red head hid in one that said DOG, and the blonde hid in one that said POTATOS.
When the cops came by, they saw the bags and said: "Maybe they're in these sacks. Kick one of them." to the other.
The other cop kicked the bag the brunet was in that said CAT and she said: "Meow!".
So the cop kicked the second bag with the red head that said DOG. She said once kicked: "Woof!".
So the cop moved on to the final sack that said POTATOS and kicked it.
The blonde cried out: "Potatos!"

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Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners.
He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry."
"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?"
So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.
The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry?'"
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"
"Me, is right here," replies the old man.
"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"
"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?'
He say, 'Hans Olaffsen.'
Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'
I say, 'Sem Ting.'"

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A blonde tells a story to a blonde girlfriend
A blonde tells a story to a blonde girlfriend how she went on a date with an intelectual.

B1 - Sooo... He took me to some really nice restaurant. We had wine, and some great food...

B2 - And?

B1 - And we enjoyed hugging while "waltz"

B2 - Aaaand?

B1 - He took me to his apartment, and we kissed... Then we got naked and he took his penis out...

B2 - Waaaait... What is penis?

B1 - Hmmm... Well... It is like dick, just smaller.

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Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building.


The italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
The chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says" Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time im going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death.
That weekend at the funeral, the italian and the chinese wives are crying and saying "I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me."
And as the two wives stare at the blondes wife, they both ask why she isn't sad about her husbands death, the blonde replys "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."

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A blonde walks in the ice cream parlor and orders a chocolate ice cream cone.


The clerk tells her that he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a pint of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, just vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a quart of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a half gallon of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk then asks her how she spells van as in vanilla.
She says, V-A-N.
He then asks her how she spells straw as in strawberry.
She says, S-T-R-A-W
He then asks her how she spells fuck as in chocolate.
After a while she says there is no fuck in chocolate.
THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU

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TOP ANIMAL JOKES THAT ARE BLONDE

Cute and dirty jokes about blondes interacting with farm or wild animals.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are lost in the wilderness...
...and they become very excited when they come across tracks. As they are following the tracks, the three of them take a guess on what animal could have possibly left them.

"Obviously, it must have been a horse," said the Blonde.

"No no no, we're in the forest, it must have been a deer," said the Brunette.

"You're both idiots. Obviously it's a dog!" said the Redhead.

They debated until the train came and hit them.

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Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...

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What do you call a blonde with pig tails? A blowjob with handlebars.

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Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are standing on a cliff...
...suddenly, a genie appears and tells them that they each could jump off this cliff and say the name of anything, and they would turn into that. The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Eagle!" and she turns into an eagle and soars away. The redhead jumps off the cliff and says "Fish!" and she turns into a fish, lands in a river and swims away. The blonde starts arrogantly walking toward the cliff, thinking her animal was going to be the best, then she trips over the cliff and, startled, says, "Shit!"

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One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were stuck on an island 100 miles away from civilization.


The only way to get home was to swim.
The brunette swam 50 miles before drowning.
The redhead swam 64 miles before getting attacked by a shark.
The blonde went 99 miles but got tried a swam back to the island.

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You know how birds can't see glass? Well, blondes can't either.

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Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?Β 
A: She liked kids...

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How does a blonde drown a fish? She puts it in water!

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A blonde was having a conversation with an elephant, a pufferfish, and a fox...
The blonde said to the elephant, "If the pufferfish was a human he would be a Muslim, because he just loves to blow himself up." The elephant broke out laughing but the blonde cut him off and said to the pufferfish, "I don't know why he's laughing, if he was a human he would be a Jew, and I think he nose why." The pufferfish was now laughing uncontrollably, and the fox who was also with them realising he would be next if he didn't say something - said to the blonde, "If you were an animal you would be a whale, always wet, moaning, and ready to blow."

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Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.


The first blonde said, β€œThose are deer tracks.”
The second blonde said, β€œNo those are elk tracks.”
The third blonde said, β€œYou’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.”
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
Emma: So, what kind of tracks were they?

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What is the same about a blonde and a dog? They both suck dick.

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Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She burys it.

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Blonde 1: Don't tell anyone but Bees scare me.
Blonde 2: Dont worry, the whole alphabet scares me

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There was a blonde a redhead and a brunette running from a cop.


They hide in potato sacks.
The officer kicks each bag....when he kicks the redheads bag she goes meow....when he kick the brunettes bag she goes ruff...when he kicks the blondes bag she goes potatoes!

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One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters.


She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse.
Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.

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A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown.


She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep.
She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?"
The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?"
"Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car.
The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"

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Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.

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Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.


The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think they could be bird tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said, "No, I think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks.
She looked down, then got run over by the train!

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on top of a cliff.


A magical bird flies to them and tells them that each one of them can jump off the cliff and wish to be one thing to fly away on.
They will become that thing and can escape from their arduous situation.
The redhead goes first.
She jumps and says "eagle!".
She turns into an eagle and flies away.
The brunette jumps off and says,"hawk!" she turns into a hawk and flies away.
The blonde takes a running start, trips on a rock as she nears the edge. "Oh crap!" she yells.

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Every day after work two blondes would look for their cars together.


Since they could never remember where they parked, they would sit around until all the cars were gone and they could spot their vehicles.
One blonde says "We need to find a faster way to get home."
The next day, they come to work on a donkey.
After work they come out and see a donkey tied to the fence.
"I think we're going to have to wait again, " says the one blonde.
"I'm not convinced that's our donkey."
"Why not?" asks the second blonde.
The first blonde says, "Well, this donkey only has one a**hole, and this morning when we rode in, I distinctly overhead someone say, "Hey look at those two a**holes on that donkey."

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Three women escape from prison….one is a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde.
They run for miles until they come upon an old barn; they decide to hide in the hayloft and rest.

When they climb up, they find three gunnysacks and decide to put them over their heads for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. T
he sheriff tell his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft.

When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw.
The deputy told him just three gunnysacks.
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them…..so the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it……and she went β€œBow-wow.”
So the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one.

Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went β€œMeow.”
The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one.

Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again and the blonde said
β€œPotatoes.”

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An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm.


He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his penis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off.
The bartender agrees.
The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his penis inside it; the croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Australian hits him over the head with a bottle, causing the croc to open his mouth and let the guy withdraw his penis.
The bartender starts serving the free drinks to the Austr alian and then tells everyone in the bar "If anyone else can do that then I will give them free drinks also".
There is a pause and then a blonde woman calls out "ok, I will do it but please don't hit me so hard over my head with the bottle".

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One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.


The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom.
She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her.
They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating.
She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."

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On a famous TV game show a blonde contestant needed only to answer one more question.


One simple question stood between her and the Ł1.000 prize.
"To be today's champion," the show's host smiled, "name two of Santa's reindeer."
The blonde gave a sigh of relief because she had been given such an easy question.
"Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and... Olive!"
The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied,Β "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!'"
"You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."

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Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy.


The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, β€œI think we’re in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?”
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, β€œI’ve got an idea. We’ll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours.”

The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, β€œOh no, I can’t tell whose puppy is whose. They’ve pulled the ribbons off while they were playing.”
β€œOK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart,” says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.

Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, β€œOh no, I can’t tell whose puppy is whose. They’ve pulled their collars off while they were playing.”
β€œThere’s got to be some way to tell them apart,” says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, β€œI know! Why don’t you take the black one and I’ll take the white one!”

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A blond a, a brunette and a redhead were at the top of a cliff looking down at the beach.


Suddenly a genie appears to them and says "I will grant you each one wish if you'll jump off the side of this cliff."
So the redhead jumps off and shouts "Seagull" and turns into a seagull and flies away.
Then the brunette jumps off and shouts "Whale" and turns into a whale, falls into the sea and swims away.
Finally the blond runs towards the cliff edge, but trips at the last second, as as she falls she shouts out "Shit"

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Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

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A blonde returned home from work and was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.


She called the police immediately to report the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out onto the porch.
The sight of the cop and his dog made her shudder.
She put her face in her hands as she sat down on the steps and began moaning.
"What's the moaning all about, ma'am?" asked the officer.
The blonde replied, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen, so I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a blind policeman!"

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A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right!
So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

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What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.

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A man and a blonde.
A man who had heard way to many 'blonde jokes' was sitting next to a blonde woman. The man decided to play a prank on the blonde since he assumed she was just a dumb blonde.

He told her: " Hey, let's play a game. I'm going to ask you a question and if you answer wrong then you give me 50 cents. And then you ask me a question and if I answer wrong, I give you 50 dollars."

She agreed. And then the man said ladies first.

The blonde asked the man: " What animal has 7 heads and 3 legs?"

The man couldn't think of an answer so he pulled up his laptop and searched the internet for the answer. He couldn't find it so he gave up and gave the blonde 50 dollars. Then he asked her, "so whats the answer?"

She said, "I don't know" and gave the man 50 cents.

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A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit.


They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature.
The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said "Oh I know."
So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked a bottle.
She poured it on the rabit and they both got in the car.
Suddenly the rabit got up hopped a little bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved.
Then dissapered over it.
The husband just stared at his wife and said "Honey, what did you pour on that rabit?"
His wife just said "Hair Restorer with a permanent wave."

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A blonde is driving down the road and she sees a dead rabbit.


She stops the car and called out, "Does anybody got any hairspray!?"
A man pulls up and gives her a bottle of spray and she sprays it on the dead rabbit and the man stares and says "Why u doing that?"
The blonde says "Hairspray is for dead hairs"

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TOP COP JOKES THAT ARE BLONDE

Classic blonde jokes involving police officers.

A blonde was driving a bit too fast, and was pulled over by a female blonde cop
A blonde was driving a bit too fast, and was pulled over by a female
blonde cop.

The cop asked the woman for her driving licence. The blonde driver
fumbled through her overstuffed handbag but just couldn't find her
licence. The cop said, "C'mon ma`am, it can't be that hard to find. It's rectangular and has your picture on it."

The blonde driver continued rifling through the handbag and found
the only rectangular object in it: a small mirror. She looked in it, saw herself, shrugged, and handed it the cop.

The blonde cop took one look and said, "Why didn't you tell me
you're a cop? Have a nice day."

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A biker walks into a bar
and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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A blonde cop pulls over a blonde speeder
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde speeder. "Can I see your licence ma'am?"

"My what?" says the driver.

"Your licence," says the cop, "It's the little square thing that has your picture on it."

"Oh!" says the driver and hands over her compact.

The cop takes one look and says, "Oh, I'm sorry ma'am. I didn't realize you were a cop."

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A blonde motorist is pulled over by a blonde policewoman for speeding.
The female cop asks for the blonde's drivers licence. The blonde motorist asks 'Sorry officer, what does it look like?'
The policewoman replies 'It's a small rectangular thing with your picture on it'.
The blond gives the policewoman her make-up mirror.
The blonde cop responds with 'I think we can forget the speeding fine. I didn't realize you're a policewoman too.'

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A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driving her car. The blonde cop says "You were going pretty fast back there. Can I see your license?"

The blonde driver looks confused.

The blonde cop says "Its a little square thing with your picture on it"

The blonde driver reaches in her bag and hands the cop her makeup mirror.

The cop takes the mirror, looks at it and exclaims "Well why didn't you tell me you were a cop? On you go. Have a great day".

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A blonde was charged for driving into a funeral and killing 10 people.
A cop came and asked, How in the world did you drive right into that funeral and kill 10 fucking people?

The blonde hesitatingly replies, Uh, I was driving an old Ford of mine. And the brakes suddenly stopped working.

So?

I saw that two pedestrians were crossing the road and this funeral was to my right.

You could have hit those two pedestrian cunts! Killing two is better than killing ten, cried the cop.

I knew you would say that, officer, said the blonde getting confident. But as soon as I hit the first, the second started to run towards the funeral!

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So a blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver...
The blonde cop says "I need to see your license". The blonde driver digs through her purse for awhile, and says "I can't find it. What does it look like?".



So the cop, making a rectangle with her hands, says "it's rectangular, and has your picture on it". The blonde driver searches through her purse but can't find it. She finally comes up with the only rectangular item, a small mirror.



She looks at it, shrugs, and hands it to the blonde cop. The blonde cop looks at it, shrugs, and hands it back to the blonde driver. "Oh, you can go" the blonde cop says.



"I didn't realize you were a cop".

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A blonde, brunette, and redhead escape from prison.
They made their way down the nearest road looking for somewhere to hide out for the night. After a couple of miles, they come upon a Barn on the side of the road. They thought "why not?" and slept in the barn for the night.

Unfortunately they overslept and awoke to find police investigating the grounds around the barn outside. "Better take a look inside" they heard a cop say. They decided to each hide in an empty burlap sack in an effort to evade the police.

As the cop searched the interior of the barn, he came upon 3 filled burlap sacks. Being lazy, he investigated the sack with the brunette with a kick from his boot. "Woof!" said the brunette. "Ah, just a dog in this one," said the cop. He then kicked the one with the redhead in it. "Meow!" she said. "Just a cat in that one," the cop said. He then kicked the one with the blonde in it. The blonde confidently exclaimed, "Potatoes!"

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A blonde woman in a sports car is cruising down the highway...
...when she gets pulled over by a police car.

Who should step out of the police car but a female, blonde cop.

The cop walks up to the blonde in the sports car and says Hi. I noticed you were going a little fast back there. Can I see your driver's license?

The blonde grabs her purse and rummages around for a minute and then looks at the cop and says um, what does it look like?

The cop says It's a little square thing and it has your picture on it.

The blonde looks back in her purse and spots a little square compact mirror. She pulls it out and looks at it. Sure enough, right there in the middle is her face.

She hands it to the police officer. The cop takes a look at it and immediately hands it back.
Oh, I'm sorry, you're free to go. I didn't know you were a cop.

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A blonde movie star is pulled over......
The cops walks up to the car and says "driver's licence please". The blonde says "What's a driver's licence?" The cop impatiently responds, "It's that square thing with your picture on it". "Oh!," exclaims the Blonde and she pulls out a square mirror and hands it to the cop. As the cop looks at it, she scratches her head revealing long flowing golden hair*. She then hands it back and says, "Sorry for the inconvenience, I didn't realize you were a cop."

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A blonde gets pulled over for speeding…
...and the cop says, "license and registration, please."
The blonde replies, "I have my registration, but I don't have my license."
The cop then asks, "how can you prove who you are?"
So the blonde pulls out a mirror, looks at her reflection, and says, "yep, that's me."
She hands the mirror to the cop, and the cop says, "I didn't know you were a cop!"

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Blonde: Officer theres like a thousand dead people here!
Cop: Okay, calm down.


Where are you?
Blonde: The cemetery!
Cop: *facepalm*

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Two blondes were running from the cops as they had just been caught sneeking over the border into Mexico.
They dashed up to a fence and climbed over it, lights and sirens running behind them.
As they arrived on the other side, they came face to face with a long river.
One blonde said to the other. "Here I'll shine this flashlight over the water and you can walk accross the beam of light."
The other said: "What do you think I am, stupid!? I'll get halfway accross and you'll turn it off!"

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A brunette, a redhead head, and a blonde are running from the cops...
The girls quickly turn a corner and see three empty barrels, so they each jump into a different one.

Once the cops turn the corner, they see the barrels and they are suspicious about them so they kick the one with the brunette in it.

"Woof! Woof!" says the brunette.
"Just a dog in there" says one cop, so they move to the next one.

They approach the barrel with the brunette inside, and give it a jolt.
"Meow! Meow!" says the redhead
"Just a cat in there" says one cop, so they move on to the next one.

The approach the barrel with the blonde in there and shake it a bit.

"Corn! Corn!" says the blonde.

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A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car.


"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line.
"Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

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So, a blonde is pulled over by a blonde police officer
And the police officer says, " I'd like to see your license ma'am."

The blonde rummages through her bag and says, "I can't seem to find it."

The blonde police officer says "It's a rectangle that has you picture on it."

The blonde looks through her bag again and finds a mirror, looks at it and hands it to the police officer.

And the blonde police officer says "Sorry ma'am, I had no idea you were a cop too, go ahead."

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A blonde is driving a helicopter and it crashes.


When the police come and ask the blond what happened she says, "I got cold so I turned off the big fan!"

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A doctor, an Englishman, a lawyer, an Irishman, a priest, a Scotsman, a cop, a midget, a fireman and a blonde walk into a bar....
The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

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So a rookie cop see someone speeding
" I see someone speeding. I just pulled them over. What should I do. "

" Is it the blonde? "

" Yes. "

" Pull your pants down and ask her to do a breathalyzer test. "

The rookie cop does what he is told.

The blonde gets on her knees and says.

" Not this again. "

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A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.


She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."

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A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.


β€œMay I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, β€œI wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license. Now today you want me to show it to you!”

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A blonde was speeding on the highway when a cop pulled her over...
The cop walks over to her car and says, "Excuse me ma'am, do you know how fast you were going?"

"Yep" she replied, clearly frustrated

The officer sighed and said, "I'm gonna need to see your license and registration."

The blonde looks at him angrily and says, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and today you expect me to show it to you!?"

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There was a blonde a redhead and a brunette running from a cop.


They hide in potato sacks.
The officer kicks each bag....when he kicks the redheads bag she goes meow....when he kick the brunettes bag she goes ruff...when he kicks the blondes bag she goes potatoes!

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Just another blonde joke
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" the driver asked.

"It's square and has your picture on it." The policewoman replied.

The driver finally found a square mirror and handed to the policewoman.

"Here it is." she said

The blonde officer and looked at the mirror and said,
"Sorry, I didn't realize you were a cop. You can go."

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A blonde walking down the street with the car ...
A blonde walking down the street with the car and take the opposite. A cop stops and asks:
- Do you know why I pulled you over?
To which the blonde says:
- Clearly, you want to go out with me!

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NSFW Cop pulls over a blonde for speeding
When he gets up to the window he asks for her licence and registration.

What's a licence she asks

So the cop explains what a licence is.

The blonde quickly says Oh I have one of those and hands it over to the cop.

I also need to registration reminds the cop

What's a registration she asks

So the cop explains what a registration is to her.

I have one of those she says as she grabs it and hands it over.

So the cop takes the licence and registration back to his car to write up the ticket. As he's writing up the ticket he tells his partner how dumb this blonde is.

His partner thinks a minute and says when you take the ticket to her, give her everything then drop your pants to see what her reaction is.

So the cop finishes writing up the ticket and heads back to the blonde. He hands her her licence, registration and the ticket then drops his pants.

The blonde looks confused for a second then her face falls, oh no, not another breathalyzer test

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Why did the cop pull over the hot blonde?
Because she was speeding.

Comment if u want more anti jokes

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There are 2 women getting ready to leave for work.


The brunette gets in the driver's seat and the blonde gets in the passenger's seat.
The brunette says: "We're late, so you watch out the back window for cops." As she speeds down the road she asks the blonde:
"So, do you see any cops?"
The blonde replies: "Yes!"
The brunette says: "Are they behind us?"
"Yes!"
"Are they close?"
"Yes!"
"Are they going to stop us?"
"I don't know!"
"Well, are their lights on?"
The blonde replies: "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no...!

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driver's license...
A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?" Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!" The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go.

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2 Brunettes and a Blonde
One dark and stormy night, 2 burnettes and a blonde escape from prison. To get out of the rain and hide from the cops they go into a barn where they find 3 sacks to hide in. One cop goes into the born and yells to other
"There's nothing in here, just 3 sacks" to which the other cop replies
"Kick the sacks and make sure they're not hiding in them"
So the cop kicks the first sack with the brunette in it and she goes "roof roof"
Oh its just a stupid dog the cop says. He kicks the second one with the other brunette in it and she goes "meow meow"
Oh its just a stupid cat.
So he kicks the last sack with the blone in it and she goes "POTATOES"

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Airplane
Three guys are in an airplane. The first takes a bite out of an orange,
and throws it out the window. The second takes a bite out an apple and throws it out the window. the third takes a bite out of a grenade
and throws it out the window.
A cop walks around town, when he finds three girls a redhead, a blonde, and a brunette. The redhead is crying. "What's wrong"? asks the cop "An orange fell from the sky and killed my cat!" sobbed the girl. The Brunette is also crying "What's wrong?" asks the cop. "An apple fell from the sky and killed my dog!" sobbed the girl. The blonde was laughing. "What's so funny?" asks the cop. "I farted and the building behind me exploded!"

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Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.


A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, β€œExcuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.”
β€œWe don’t have any,” replied the first blonde.
β€œWell, if you’re going to fish, you need fishing licenses,” said the Game Warden.
β€œBut officer,” replied the second blonde, β€œwe aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river.”
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.
β€œWell, I know of no law against it,” said the Game Warden. β€œTake all the debris you want.”
And with that, he left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.
β€œWhat a dumb Fish Cop,” the second blonde said to the other two. β€œDoesn’t he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?”

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Three women escape from prison….one is a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde.
They run for miles until they come upon an old barn; they decide to hide in the hayloft and rest.

When they climb up, they find three gunnysacks and decide to put them over their heads for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. T
he sheriff tell his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft.

When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw.
The deputy told him just three gunnysacks.
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them…..so the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it……and she went β€œBow-wow.”
So the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one.

Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went β€œMeow.”
The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one.

Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again and the blonde said
β€œPotatoes.”

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A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car.
The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.
She held it up to her face and said, "Aha!
This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go.
And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

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A policeman pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding and is trying to explain to her what and where her driver’s license might be. After she eventually gives him her driver’s license, he asks for registration.
Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, β€œIt’s that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment.”
β€œAh,” she says as she bends over to get it.
While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his cock out.
Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up.
A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, β€œOh, no! Not another breathalizer test!”

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Double dose (Blonde joke)
So, a blonde woman is driving down the road, speeding, when a cop pulls her over. Hoping she can get out of a ticket, she waits until a blonde police officer shows up at her door.

"Can I see your driver's license and registration?" the blonde policewoman asks.

"Which one's the driver's license?" the blonde civilian asks.

"It's a small rectangular thing with a photo of you on it..." the officer replies. The driver pulls out her pocket mirror and hands it over. "Oh, my mistake!" the officer said, looking at it. "If I knew you were a police officer, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

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Why does a blonde have an IQ 1 point higher than a policehorse?
So she won't shit on the street during a parade.

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A blonde woman is pulled over for speeding
The officer, who happens to also be a blonde woman, asks the speeder for her Drivers License.

She hands it over to the cop. She takes one look at the photo on the ID and says "Oh haha I didn't know you were a cop too, I can't give you a ticket" and sends her on her way.

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A woman and a man are involved in a car accident;

it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting.
I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued,
"And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man,
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No.
I think I'll just wait for the police..."

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A cop in Southern California pulls a blonde over going 15 miles per hour on the freeway, almost causing multiple wreckages.
The officer walks up to Blonde woman's car, passing 2 crying men in the backseat of her car on the way to the window.


"Ma'am... you mind telling me why you're going under 20 mph on the damn freeway?"


"I'm just obeying the posted speed limit sign, officer."


"The Hell...? Ma'am you do realize that that is the **Freeway** number? That you are on the 15 **Freeway** and that the **WHITE** signs are the speed limit?"


The officer looks again at the two men in the backseat still lightly whimpering.


"And what's the problem with you two!?"


"Sir... we just got off... (*sniffle*) the 210."

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A blonde, a brunet and a red head were running from the cops when they came upon three empty sacks laying in front of a closed store.
"Let's hide in these and the cops won't find us!" said the red head, and they each dove into the sacks.
The brunet hid in one that said CAT.
The red head hid in one that said DOG, and the blonde hid in one that said POTATOS.
When the cops came by, they saw the bags and said: "Maybe they're in these sacks. Kick one of them." to the other.
The other cop kicked the bag the brunet was in that said CAT and she said: "Meow!".
So the cop kicked the second bag with the red head that said DOG. She said once kicked: "Woof!".
So the cop moved on to the final sack that said POTATOS and kicked it.
The blonde cried out: "Potatos!"

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This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.


The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. β€œI must have left it at home, officer.”
β€œWell, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.
The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, β€œI do have this picture of me.”
β€œLet me see it,” says the cop.
She holds up the mirror and looks in it.
Then she says, β€œSorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you."

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A blonde returned home from work and was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.


She called the police immediately to report the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out onto the porch.
The sight of the cop and his dog made her shudder.
She put her face in her hands as she sat down on the steps and began moaning.
"What's the moaning all about, ma'am?" asked the officer.
The blonde replied, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen, so I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a blind policeman!"

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A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time.


She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus.
It'll take you right there."
She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus.
That was three hours ago.
Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"

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So there's a blonde, Burnett, and a red head.
So there is a blonde, brunett, and a red head all girls they all escaped jail. As they are running they see this abandoned truck of potatoes so the Brunett says let's get in these sacks and miss the cops. They hop in them and the cops go driving by and the partner of the cop says let's check out that abandon truck right there as they are checking the bags they kick the one with the red head and she goes woof and they ignore it and think there are just dogs in there next they kick the brunett's bag and she goes meow and the cops say oh those are just cats. When they kick the blonde she goes POTATOES!!!!!

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Blonde, brunette, and a red head

A blonde, a brunette and a red head were running from the police. The three women ducked into an old barn on the side of the road. Inside the barn were three empty sacks and they decided to hide in them. In walk the police. They see the three sacks and are immediately suspicious. An officer kicks the sack the brunette is in so she says "Meow!"
"Oh it's just a cat." He says. The cop goes to the red head and kicks the sack shes in. She says "Woof!"
"Oh it's just a dog." So he moves onto the last sack where the blonde is hiding. He walks up and gives it one good kick.
"Potatoes!"

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Blonde Joke
A blonde is speeding on the road and a cop pulls her over. He walks over and asks for her license and registration. She pulls out all her papers and gives them to the cop. He checks her name on the scanner, she comes up with a flawless record(no tickets), yet she has been pulled over tons of times. He then radios in back to the police station and asks what's up with this girl. The man calls back and says, "Oh her, yeah just walk over to her car and pull down your pants." The confused cop walks over to the car and proceeds to pull down his pants. The blonde sighs and says, "DAMN, not another breathalyser test."

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So this blonde cop pulls over this lady...
So one day this blonde chick is driving down the interstate when a cop pulls her over. The man walks towards the driver door, as the blonde girl rolls down the window. She says, "Hello officer, what can I help you with today?" The cop looks at her and says, "Ma'am I'm going to need to see your driver's license." The woman looks at him and says, "What is a driver's license?" He says, "It's the little rectangle thing that has your picture on it." So she looks around the car in a hurried rush, searching and searching. Until finally, she found a mirror in her purse. She then hands him the mirror. The cop looks shocked and says to her, "I'm so sorry ma'am but if I would've known you were a cop I wouldn't have pulled you over."

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TOP CAR JOKES THAT ARE BLONDE

Most funny jokes about blondes driving cars and other transportation means.

A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble...
Lost her job and she's in dire financial straits.

She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my job and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.

She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my job, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my job, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.

The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."

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A blonde woman was speeding...
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

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As blond woman, I've heard them all. But this is my favorite blond joke.
A blonde is driving down the highway when she looks out the window to see another blonde in a rowboat, in the middle of a field, rowing as hard as she can.

She pulls over, gets out of her car, runs to the edge of the field and yells as loud as she can, 'It's bitches like you that give blondes a bad name and if I could swim, I'd come out there and beat your ass!'

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A blonde tried to sell her old car
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day she mentioned her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a way to make your car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "as long as I can sell the car."

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here's the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.

About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

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Canadian Blonde Joke.
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says " Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Canada and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

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A blonde in a snowstorm
A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."

Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?"

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A (Smart) Blonde Offers Collateral For A Loan...
A blonde woman walks into a Manhattan bank and says she'd like to take out a $5,000 loan since she will be vacationing to Europe. When the banker asks what she will be using as collateral, she points to her brand new Bentley. The banker is surprised, but agrees. She leaves, and he laughs; who uses such an expensive car as collateral for such a small loan? But he shrugs it off and parks the car in the banks garage. Three weeks later, the woman returns to the bank. He retrieves her car and she pays back the $5,000 plus $14.00 in interest. As she goes to leave, the man decides he has to ask. "Ma'am," he says, "why in the world would you use a $100,000 as collateral for a $5,000 loan?" She smiles and replies "where else can I park for three weeks in Manhattan for $14?"

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Beer
This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of "Bud Light" cheap.

I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.

She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?"


I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"

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loose skin around the vagina? (women)(sfw)
When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde."
"Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV..

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your problems.

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A blonde and a brunette decide to rob a bank...
The brunette is the getaway driver. She told the plan to the blonde, told her to be back in less than 5 minutes, and dropped her off at the front door of the bank.

10 minutes goes by.... No sight of the blonde...
20 minutes goes by... No sight of the blonde...

Finally, after a half hour the blonde comes running out of the bank, dragging the safe by a long rope. As soon as the blonde gets into the car, the brunette sees the guard running as fast as he can towards them, with his pants at his ankles...

After a few moments of silence, the brunette realizes what happened and screamed to the blonde, " You IDIOT! You were supposed to tie up the guard and blow the safe!!!"

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No backseat blonde
A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.

"No!" yells the blonde.

Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.

"For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?"

The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"

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Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her car?
She burned her mouth on the exhaust.

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One day a big group of blondes...
met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb.
They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."
The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.
She got up on the car too and the man asked: "What is the first month of the year?"
The blonde responded: "November?"
"Nope," said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

So the man asked: "What is the capital of the U.S.A ?"
The blonde responded: "Paris?"
So the crowd began chanting again: "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
The man said: "Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?"
The blonde replied: "Two?"
"Give her another chance, Give her another chance." screamed the crowd.

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I was driving down the motorway with my blonde girlfriend the other day and she said,
"I think those people in the car next to us are from another country"
"why is that?" I said
"Well, the kids are writing on the window and it says, 'stit rey su wohs'"

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A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driving her car. The blonde cop says "You were going pretty fast back there. Can I see your license?"

The blonde driver looks confused.

The blonde cop says "Its a little square thing with your picture on it"

The blonde driver reaches in her bag and hands the cop her makeup mirror.

The cop takes the mirror, looks at it and exclaims "Well why didn't you tell me you were a cop? On you go. Have a great day".

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2 blondes in the rain...
2 blondes are leaving a bar when it starts pooring down rain. The first blonde realizes that she left the keys in the car and tries picking the lock. After a couple minutes of trying to open the door, the second blonde freaks out and says, "Hurry up! It's raining cats and dogs and the convertable top is down!"

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A blonde woman is driving down a rural road...
... when she sees a very odd sight. Off in the middle of a barren field is another blonde woman sitting in a rowboat, and she's just rowing away. She angrily brings her car to a screeching halt by the side of the road, gets out, and screams:

"Goddammit! It's dumb women like you that give us blondes a bad name! And, if I could swim, I'd come right out there and beat your ass!"

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are driving through the desert...
When their car breaks down. Stranded in the middle of nowhere, they have no choice but to walk the road to safety. They each agree to carry something. The brunette brings a jug of water in case they get thirsty.
The redhead brings a blanket in case they need to camp for the night. The blonde brings the car door. The others ask why.

She says, "If we get hot, we can just roll the window down!"

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A blond woman is driving down the road in her Volkswagon......
and she sees another blond woman sitting in a row boat in the middle of a bean field. She stops the car and yells to the woman in the boat: "What the hell are you doing?" The blonde in the boat yells back: "I'm fishing." The first woman yells: "Are you crazy? You don't fish in a bean field. You know, it's stupid bitches like you that give blondes a bad name. Why, if I knew how to swim I would come out there and kick your ass."

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A blonde woman in a sports car is cruising down the highway...
...when she gets pulled over by a police car.

Who should step out of the police car but a female, blonde cop.

The cop walks up to the blonde in the sports car and says Hi. I noticed you were going a little fast back there. Can I see your driver's license?

The blonde grabs her purse and rummages around for a minute and then looks at the cop and says um, what does it look like?

The cop says It's a little square thing and it has your picture on it.

The blonde looks back in her purse and spots a little square compact mirror. She pulls it out and looks at it. Sure enough, right there in the middle is her face.

She hands it to the police officer. The cop takes a look at it and immediately hands it back.
Oh, I'm sorry, you're free to go. I didn't know you were a cop.

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A blonde movie star is pulled over......
The cops walks up to the car and says "driver's licence please". The blonde says "What's a driver's licence?" The cop impatiently responds, "It's that square thing with your picture on it". "Oh!," exclaims the Blonde and she pulls out a square mirror and hands it to the cop. As the cop looks at it, she scratches her head revealing long flowing golden hair*. She then hands it back and says, "Sorry for the inconvenience, I didn't realize you were a cop."

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Who doesn't enjoy a blonde joke
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000? The blond replies….. Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?

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A dumb blonde suspects her husband is cheating...
A dumb blonde suspects that her husband is cheating on her so she tells him that she is going to be gone at a friend's house for the entire day. She waits in her car down the block for an hour and then quickly drives home and runs into their bedroom. As she enters the room she finds her husband in bed with a beautiful brunette.

The dumb blonde, in a manic rage, takes out a gun and points it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed and says, "Honey, don't shoot yourself!"

The dumb blonde screams at her husband, "Shut up you bastard! You're next!"

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I told my girlfriend I was unfaithful
My girlfriend found blonde hair on the passenger seat of my car, so I had to say that I was cheating on her.

How embarrassing would it be if she knew I sold corn on the freeway?

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The circle
A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

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I'LL KICK YOUR ASS
So a Blondie was driving one day and couldn't believe what she saw. There in a dirt field was another Blondie trying to row a boat. What are you doing? she shouted out her car window. Rowing across this field, what's it look like? Your making all Blondes look bad, whats wrong with you? Fuck you the rowing blonde yelled back. Your lucky I can't swim or I'd come out there and kick your ass, screamed the other Blonde out her car window

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A Blonde, Brunette, and a Redhead...
were driving down a desert road when the car runs out of gas. Realizing the gas station is still 10 miles ahead, they each decide to take one item with them.

The Blonde asks the Brunette, "What are you going to take?". The Brunette responds, "I am going to take these sodas with us just in case we get thirsty, we have something to drink."

The Blonde then asks the Redhead, "What are you going to take?". The Redhead responds , "Well I guess I'll take the rest of the McDonalds we bought. If we get hungry, we have something to eat."

The Blonde then says aloud, "Well then I will take the car door, we're in the desert afterall, so if we get hot we can roll down the window."

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One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver, extremely furious, made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

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So a blonde was trying to sell her car..
Unfortunately, her car had over 200,000 miles on it and she wasn't able to get very good deals for it. After mentioning her issue to one of her co-workers, he says that he can reset the mileage so she can get a really good deal for selling it. She agrees to and he does his business, gives it back to her, and they go back to their daily lives.

After a month or so, the co-worker sees the blonde still riding in the same car and asks her, "what happened? Were you not able to sell the car?" And the blonde replied

"Why would I want to sell this car? It has no mileage on it!"

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Blonde Bombshell
A blonde is angry with the tax department and decides to blow it up. So she puts a bag of bombs in the back seat of her Celica and heads for Canberra. Her boyfriend si worried about her. "What if the bombs blow up in the car?"
"Don't worry darling," she says, "I've got a spare bomb in the boot".

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde rob a bank and lose the cops long enough to find a place to hide.
They drive until they find an empty barn, ditch their car, and duck inside just as they start to hear sirens. The brunette hides in a barrel, the redhead hides in a haystack, and the blonde hides in a burlap sack, and shortly thereafter, a police officer comes into the barn to search for them.

He comes to the barrel and kicks it hard, hoping to spook anyone hiding inside.

The brunette goes, "Meow! Meow!"

"Just a cat," says the cop, and continues on his way.

He comes to the haystack and rustles it, hoping to spook anyone hiding inside.

The redhead goes, "Squeak! Squeak!"

"Just a rat," says the cop, and continues on his way.

He comes to the burlap sack and tugs on it, hoping to spook anyone hiding inside it.

The blonde goes, "Potatoes! Potatoes!"

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A blonde woman locks her keys inside her car...
And so she calls a locksmith to open it. When the locksmith (who is also blonde) gets there she pulls out her Slim Jim tool to open the door when she notices a problem, the driver side window to the car is wide open.

The locksmith looks to the driver and says, "Ma'am I can't use this tool on a door when the window is open, you're going to have to close it first."

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A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car.


"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line.
"Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

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Buy a used car, get a blonde bombshell.
Charlie was out to break his all used car sales that month with his new promotion. A large sign in his window announced: "A Blonde Bombshell Free With Each Used Car". A delighted young teen walked in, plunked down a pile of cash and drove away with his new blonde.
He parked on a country road and after kissing for a few minutes the young stud stated that he would like to get fucked.
The blonde shook her head before saying, "That happened when you bought the car".

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A blonde, brunette, and a red head go to summer camp and they can only bring one thing..
The red head brings a deck of cards, to keep herself entertained.

The brunette brings her homework, to get it done and live stress free.

The blonde brings a car door, so she can roll down her window if she gets hot.

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A father says to his blonde, teenage daughter one day "honey I thought I asked you to wash the car like 10 times today"...
She replies "I swear I was going to, but I called a hundred different places and nobody has this Elbow Grease that you told me to use !!"

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As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.


The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing!
I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right.
Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left.
Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."
The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."

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Two blondes were driving to Disneyland.

The sign said, "Disneyland Left". So they started crying and went home.

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A beautiful blonde woman ...
... was pulled over by a policeman.

"Is there a problem, officer?" she asked.

"Yes. There is no red light on your car. You can`t go driving around without one," came the answer.

"Oh officer. You are mistaken," she explained. "I will have you know that I am not in that kind of profession."

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Why did the blond speed on the highway?
Because she thought the cars behind her where chasing her!!!!

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Did you hear about the two dumb blonds who went two the drive in theater and froze two death they went two see closed for the winter?

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Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin.

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Joke of the day
There are three blondes who are on a road trip. As they are driving through the desert, their car breaks down. They have no phone to call anyone, so they decide to walk to the nearest city, several miles away. They each decide to take one thing to make the journey better. The first blonde takes the radio and says, "If we get bored, we can put the radio on and listen to music." The second blonde decides to take a wheel, "In case one of us gets really tired, we can go inside the wheel and be rolled." The third blonde takes the car door, "In case it gets too hot, we can roll down the window!"

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Two blondes were driving down the road.


The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blonde looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."

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Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.


First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"Β 
Second Blonde: "Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!"

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A blonde was driving down the motorway when her car phone rang.


It was her husband, urgently warning her, β€œHoney, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!”
β€œIt’s not just one car!” said the blonde.
β€œThere’s f*ck*ng hundreds of them!”

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A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.


She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."

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A Blonde Locks Her Keys In The Car...
Coming out of a store, a blonde woman realizes that she's locked her keys in her car. How will she ever get them out? She starts pulling on the handle, banging on the window, nothing. Then, to add to her awful luck, it starts raining. "Aw damn," she thinks to herself. "Now I really need to get into my car so I can put the top up!"

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There are three blonds that went to the store.


After they get done in the store one of the blondes realizes that she locked her keys in her car.
The first blond tried using a screwdriver to unlock the door.
The second blond tried using a hanger.
The third blond tried using pen.
While they are trying to unlock the door the second blond says "We better hurry up guys its about to rain and the tops down!"

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A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke.
A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat.
The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling, "You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

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Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent carΒ crash) and a blonde have in common?Β 
A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.

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Heard about the blonde that sold her car for GAS Money...

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3 women go to the desert a brunette, redhead, and a blonde and each only bring one thing...
The brunette was asked what she brought. She said she brought food in case they got hungry.

The redhead was asked what she brought. She said water in case they got thirsty.

The brunette was asked what she brought. She said a car door so if they got hot she could roll the window down.

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A blonde was speeding on the highway when a cop pulled her over...
The cop walks over to her car and says, "Excuse me ma'am, do you know how fast you were going?"

"Yep" she replied, clearly frustrated

The officer sighed and said, "I'm gonna need to see your license and registration."

The blonde looks at him angrily and says, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and today you expect me to show it to you!?"

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This guy was driving in a car with a blonde.


He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked.
She stuck her head out and said, 'Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes...'

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A blonde hops on and off a curb on a busy street, saying 54 over and over.


A brunette walks by and asks what the blonde is doing.
The blonde replies that she is jumping on and off the curb saying 54 over and over.
The brunette joins her.
Soon, the brunette gets hit by a passing car.
The blonde watches as the car drives away.
The blond then continues to jump on and off the curb, saying 55 over and over.

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Three women walked into a bar.
Three women, a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde walked into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, there is a magic mirror in the back the will grant wishes, but only if you tell the truth. If you lie, you will disappear forever."

"Let's go to the back then." says the brunette.

They arrive in the back and the brunette starts to say her wish. "I think I would like to have a loving husband." A loving husband appears and the two leave the bar.

The redhead says "I think I would like to have a sports car." A sports car appeared and the redhead went on out of the bar.

The blonde then went up to the magic mirror and said "I think," and she disappeared forever.

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Just another blonde joke
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" the driver asked.

"It's square and has your picture on it." The policewoman replied.

The driver finally found a square mirror and handed to the policewoman.

"Here it is." she said

The blonde officer and looked at the mirror and said,
"Sorry, I didn't realize you were a cop. You can go."

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A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway.


As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs.
"No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"

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One day a blonde woman entered an autobody shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car.
The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents.
He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out.
The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway.
She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing.
After hearing the whole story the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, β€œHello! The windows are down. Your personal check for the full $30,000.”

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A cop in Southern California pulls a blonde over going 15 miles per hour on the freeway, almost causing multiple wreckages.
The officer walks up to Blonde woman's car, passing 2 crying men in the backseat of her car on the way to the window.


"Ma'am... you mind telling me why you're going under 20 mph on the damn freeway?"


"I'm just obeying the posted speed limit sign, officer."


"The Hell...? Ma'am you do realize that that is the **Freeway** number? That you are on the 15 **Freeway** and that the **WHITE** signs are the speed limit?"


The officer looks again at the two men in the backseat still lightly whimpering.


"And what's the problem with you two!?"


"Sir... we just got off... (*sniffle*) the 210."

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Horrible Accident
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

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Two blondes lock their keys in the car.

One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.
Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!"
The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".

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A massive hailstorm ravages a town...
...leaving plenty of damage in its wake. A blonde takes her hailstone-dented car to a body shop to have the dents removed.

The body shop owner is already swamped with work due to the storm, and decides to have some fun with her. He tells the blonde: "You know, you don't have to pay me to have these removed. All you have to do is go home and blow into the tailpipe - all of your dents will pop out."

The blonde drives home, parks in her driveway, and blows into the tailpipe. Over and over she tries and tries, huffing and puffing but to no avail. The girl's roommate, another blonde, arrives home to see the first blonde laying in the driveway completely winded and asks what's going on. The first blonde explains what the mechanic told her, before ending with "I've been at this for an hour, but it's not working."

Roommate looks at the car for a moment before turning to the first blonde and says, "no duh it's not working! Your windows are open!!"

EDIT - grammar

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Another blonde joke.
A blonde has her hair dyed brown. A few days later she's out driving through the countryside when she stops her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she says to the shepherd, If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one? The shepherd agrees, so the blonde thinks for a moment and says, 352. The shepherd is amazed, You're right! Which sheep do you want? The blonde picks the cutest animal. The shepherd says to her, Okay. How's this for a bet? If I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?

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So this blonde cop pulls over this lady...
So one day this blonde chick is driving down the interstate when a cop pulls her over. The man walks towards the driver door, as the blonde girl rolls down the window. She says, "Hello officer, what can I help you with today?" The cop looks at her and says, "Ma'am I'm going to need to see your driver's license." The woman looks at him and says, "What is a driver's license?" He says, "It's the little rectangle thing that has your picture on it." So she looks around the car in a hurried rush, searching and searching. Until finally, she found a mirror in her purse. She then hands him the mirror. The cop looks shocked and says to her, "I'm so sorry ma'am but if I would've known you were a cop I wouldn't have pulled you over."

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Chuck Norris drives in reverse and still drives better than you...

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A blonde is driving down the road
when she sees another blonde sitting in a rowboat in the middle of a field rowing like crazy. The first blonde gets extremely upset at the sight of this, stops her car and gets out. She yells to the woman in the boat, "It's blondes like you that give us all a reputation for being stupid. And if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!"

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Q: How does a blonde turn the lights on in the morning? A: She opens the car door.

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Why can't the blonde get her drivers license?
Everytime the car stops, she wants to jump in the backseat.

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A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit.


They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature.
The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said "Oh I know."
So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked a bottle.
She poured it on the rabit and they both got in the car.
Suddenly the rabit got up hopped a little bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved.
Then dissapered over it.
The husband just stared at his wife and said "Honey, what did you pour on that rabit?"
His wife just said "Hair Restorer with a permanent wave."

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A blonde woman is driving down the road.


She notices that she’s low on gas, so she stops at a gas station.
While she’s pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car.
So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock.
Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, β€œA little more to the left…a little more to the right!…”

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smart blonde joke
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

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Two blondes and a car
Two blondes come out of the mall after a couple hours of shopping, and when they get to their car they realize they locked the keys inside. Luckily, they had bought some clothes so they grabbed a wire hanger and began taking turns attempting to pick the lock. After a good 30 minutes, they still hadn't gotten inside, and after trying for awhile, one girl hands the hanger to her friend and sits down next to the car. She sighs, looks up and worriedly says to her friend, "Uh oh, we'd better hurry; it looks like it might rain and the top's down."

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How do blondes turn on the light in the morning?
Open the car door!

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NSFW Cop pulls over a blonde for speeding
When he gets up to the window he asks for her licence and registration.

What's a licence she asks

So the cop explains what a licence is.

The blonde quickly says Oh I have one of those and hands it over to the cop.

I also need to registration reminds the cop

What's a registration she asks

So the cop explains what a registration is to her.

I have one of those she says as she grabs it and hands it over.

So the cop takes the licence and registration back to his car to write up the ticket. As he's writing up the ticket he tells his partner how dumb this blonde is.

His partner thinks a minute and says when you take the ticket to her, give her everything then drop your pants to see what her reaction is.

So the cop finishes writing up the ticket and heads back to the blonde. He hands her her licence, registration and the ticket then drops his pants.

The blonde looks confused for a second then her face falls, oh no, not another breathalyzer test

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Stairway of Laughter
A blonde, A brunette, and a red-head all died in a car crash, and they all went to heaven at the same time.
They arrive at the gates of heaven, when God appears and tells them they must pass a laughter test, if they fail, they will be sent to hell.
The objective was to climb 100 stairs without laughing. Each stair will have it's own joke.
The Brunette goes first, and laughs at the 46th stair.
The Red-Head goes second, and laughs at the 77th stair.
The Blonde, makes all the way to the 100th step, when she suddenly bursts out with laughter.
God asks "Why are you laughing now?"
The Blonde says "I just got the first joke!".

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A blonde is pulling into a car park in her Volkswagen Beetle...
...when she sees another blonde with the hood/bonnet * of her Volkswagen Beetle up. Thinking that she may be able to help she pulls over and asks the other blonde what the problem is. Well, I was just about to drive off but my engine won't start. I had a look and saw that my engine was gone…", replied the second blonde.
Well, not to worry," replied the first, "I have a spare one in my trunk/boot * .

*Please select appropriate terminology.

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John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends.


One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.
When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere.
Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, "St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!"
St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn’t make it to Heaven."
This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time.
St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other.
John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I’m in the right place?"
"My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn’t!"

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A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find any buyers.


She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car.
"235,000 miles."
Her friend told her that was the problem.
But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted.
So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000.
Two days later the blond's friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles.
The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy walks into a whorehouse...
...and sees a gorgeous, blonde whore sitting on the piano.

He walks up to her and asks, "Hey doll, how much for a handjob?"

She replies, "A hundred dollars."

"A hundred dollars for a handjob!?" he gasps. "Why so much?"

She says, "You see that car over there? It was paid for by giving the best handjobs in town!"

He ponders, and accepts her offer.

The next day, he returns and speaks to the same whore.

"That was great yesterday, babe, but how about a blowjob now!" he says.

"Sure, for $500 dollars," she says.

"$500?! How come??" he exclaims.

She responds, "You see that house over there? I can afford it because I give the best blowjobs in town!"

He thinks about it for a minute, and accepts her offer.

The next day he returns, and asks another question.

"How about a little pussy from you today?"

She says, "Sure, for $1000."

"$1000?! There's no way anyone would pay that! Why so much??" he screams.

She responds, "You see all those houses on the hill over there? If I had a pussy I would own all of those!!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Blondes & Snow.
"A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?""

:D

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Two blonde girls driving in the country side,
Suddenly, they see another blonde girl in the middle of a paddock trying to row a boat. The blonde driver snaps. She pulls over the car and yells out into the paddock, "Hey! Its dumb blondes like you that make the rest of us seem stupid"! Then the passenger pipes up, "Yeah, and if i could swim, i would come out there and punch you out"!

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A blonde walks into a bank in New York City...

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

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A blonde is in the middle of a field in a boat, trying to row.
There is no water anywhere in sight. Another blonde driving by the field sees this and gets pissed off. She gets out out of her car and shouts "Its blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim, I would come over there and kick your ass!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How many blondes does it take to change a tire?
36 to hold the car up and 1 to pin the diaper.

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A rich new york blonde goes to a bank to get a loan
She talks to the man and asks for a $5000 loan while she goes on vacation. She puts up her rolls royce as collateral, which is clearly worth far more than $5000. A few weeks later she returns to said bank and asks what she owes. The bank teller says she owes $15 in interest on top of the $5000. After she pays it, he asks her why she put up such a valuable car for such a low sum. She replies, "Well where else am I going to find parking in New York City for $15 for a few weeks?"

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A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car.
The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.
She held it up to her face and said, "Aha!
This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go.
And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident;

it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting.
I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued,
"And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man,
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No.
I think I'll just wait for the police..."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A blonde bought a brand new car and decided to drive down from some place far off, to meet this friend.
She reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening.
But she didn't reach home in the evening and not the next day either.
When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother ran and asked her what happened?
She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "These car designers are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My (blonde) sister hates blonde jokes. I (redhead) told her I have a redhead joke for her. She was eager to hear it!
A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.

"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep one?"

The shepherd has hundreds of sheep and feels confident enough to agree. The redhead looks over the flock and says, "361." The shepherd is stunned that she guessed correctly but, being a man of his word, allows her to pick out her favorite. The redhead is about to put her new pet in her car when the shepherd calls out to her.

"Hey Lady! If I can guess your real hair color, may I have my dog back?"

 

My sister was not amused.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A Blond Joke from Minnesota.....



It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero
when a blonde named Sherry got off work.She made her way to her car and
wondered how she was going to make it home.
She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She
finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she
should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get
stuck in a snow drift.

This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow
went by and she started to follow it.
As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and
she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.
After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window.
The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been
following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her
daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.

The driver replied that it was ok with him and she could continue if she wanted,
but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Sears next.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store.


He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him.
But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help.
She obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, β€œOscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!”
β€œDear God! Did you try to stop him?”
β€œNo,” she said, β€œI did better than that! I got the license plate number!”

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A blonde was trying to sell her old car.


She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.
The brunette told her, β€œThere is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”
β€œThat doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde, β€œif I can only sell the car.”
β€œOkay,” said the brunette. β€œHere is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will β€˜fix it’. Then you shouldn’t have a problem anymore trying to sell your car.”

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, β€œDid you sell your car?”
β€œNo,” replied the blonde, β€œWhy should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!”

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A religious blonde is going bankrupt...
She prays to God to win the lottery, so she wouldn't have to sell her car to make it through the week, but alas she doesn't. Next week she prays again to win the lottery, so she doesn't have to sell her house but again she doesn't win the lottery. Having nothing left she prays to win the lottery the third week and again doesn't win. So she starts asking God why he doesn't help her, why he left her to sell her car, her house. Just as she's about to lose her faith God appears and says "My dear child, I truly want to help you through these difficult times. But, to win the lottery you have to play"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.


The truck driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement.
He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.
The blonde giggled and replied, β€œWhen you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time.


She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus.
It'll take you right there."
She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus.
That was three hours ago.
Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road when her car breaks down.


She goes to the nearest farmhouse and knocks on the door.
When the farmer answers, she says to him, "My car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until I can get some help tomorrow?"
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke."
The blonde looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer.
"Okay," she says.
After going to bed, the woman begins to get a little hot thinking about the two boys in the room next to her.
So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, "Huh?"
She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers."
She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.
Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth.
Jed says, "Luke? You remember that blonde woman that came by here forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"
"Yeah," says Luke, "I remember."
"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed.
"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."
"Me neither," says Jed.
"Let's take these things off."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

We went to see a movie the other night.


I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier.
Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the center of the row got up and started working her way out.
β€œExcuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me.”
By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient, so I said, β€œCouldn’t you have done this a little earlier?”
β€œNo!” she said in a loud whisper. β€œThe β€˜TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE’ message just flashed up on the screen and mine is in the car.”

πŸ‘πŸΌ

CONCLUSION

Best of 634 Funniest Blonde Jokes. Dirty, stupid and short jokes about dumb blondes. Blonde jokes that can be about money, food, animal, cop, car, sex or drinks.

You've read some of the best blonde jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of puns about blonde. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty blonde gags to your kids.

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