Blonde Guy Jokes
129 blonde guy jokes and hilarious blonde guy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blonde guy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Blonde Guy Short Jokes
Short blonde guy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blonde guy humour may include short blonde men jokes also.
- A blonde walks into a bar yelling, "65 days!" A guy asks her, "What's in 65 days?"
The blonde replies, "I completed the puzzle in 65 days! The box said 2 to 4 years!" - A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She did as told and said " Yes, No, Yes, No.
- Blonde Joke Why did the blonde girl have bruises around her belly button?
Because blonde guys aren't smart either (Sorry if it's a repost.) - Why do blondes have bruises on their bellybuttons? Because blonde guys aren't that smart either
- A priest, blonde, jew, black guy, chinese guy, and a gay guy walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What is this, some kind of joke?"
- A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."
- What did the blonde say when she woke up under the milk cow? "Oh! Are all you guys still here?"
- Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?
A: She went looking for the three guys. - A guy sees a blonde across a lake He shouts to her "Hey how'd you get on the other side of the lake?"
she replies
"You're on the other side of the lake!" - A guy and a blonde were driving down the road. The blonde asks her friend to see if the car's blinker is working. So the guy looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''
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Blonde Guy One Liners
Which blonde guy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blonde guy? I can suggest the ones about blonde haired and blonde girl.
- Why do blondes have bruises on their bellybutton? Blonde guys aren't that smart either!
- Why did the blonde's belly button hurt? Blonde guys are dumb too
- What do you call a blond-haired, blue-eyed guy who is well-endowed? A Hung-Ariyan.
- A clever guy walks up to a blonde girl. ...
Nope never. - What do Blondes say right after s**...? Thanks, Guys
- Why do blonde girls have such big belly b**...? Because they date blonde guys
Uproarious Blonde Guy Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about blonde guy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean blonde people jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blonde guy pranks.
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
A blond girl was at the store, and just as she was heading for her car, someone stole it.
The policemen asked, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."
A Guy urgently needed a few days off work,
But, he knew the Boss would not allow him to leave.
he thought that maybe if he acted "Crazy"
Then he would tell him to take a few days off.
So, he hung upside-down on the ceiling &
Made funny noises.
His co-worker (who's blonde)! asked him what he was doing.
He told her that he was pretending to be a light bulb,
So, that the Boss might think he was "Crazy" & give him a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked,
"What are you doing?"
He told him he was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out."
Go home & recuperate for a couple of days."
He jumped down & walked out of the office...
When his co-worker (the blonde) followed him,
The Boss asked her
"...And where do you think you're going?!"
She said,
"I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!!
A blonde goes into a music store and asks the guy who works there where the country music CD's are.
The salesman replies, "Try the other side."
So the blonde moves to his other ear and says, "Where are the country music CD's?"
Q: Why did the blonde take more than one pregnancy test?
A: Because she slept with more than o**....
A blonde decides to join the military thinking she can meet a few guys.
What is wrong with this joke?
1. This isn't a joke
2. The blonde is thinking
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license. Now today you want me to show it to you!”
There are three blonds that went to the store.
After they get done in the store one of the blondes realizes that she locked her keys in her car.
The first blond tried using a screwdriver to unlock the door.
The second blond tried using a hanger.
The third blond tried using pen.
While they are trying to unlock the door the second blond says "We better hurry up guys its about to rain and the tops down!"
A man works in the operations department of a large bank.
Employees call him from the field when they have problems with their computers.
One night a blonde woman from a branch bank called him and said, "I've got smoke coming from the back of my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
Two blondes at the movie:" Pst, the guy next to me is m**...!"says one
"just ignore him" answers her friend.
"But I can't ! He's using my hand!"replies the first blonde
After a hot night of s**... a guy asks his blonde partner:" Am I the first man you had s**... with?"
She looks at him long and says:" You might be the first one because you really look familiar!"
Blonde genies
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.
Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux k**... outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the k**... are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It's the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
So a blind man walks into a bar..
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey, do you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bartender replies "Look buddy, im blonde, and I am 200 pounds of pure muscle. The guy next to you is blond too, and he is 250 pounds, and the guy on the other side is also blonde, he is 300 pounds of bulk, are you still sure you want to tell that joke?"
The blind man replies "Never mind, I dont wanna have to repeat it 5 times."
So, This Blind Guy Walks Into a Bar...
And takes a seat in front of the bartender.
"Would you like to here a great blonde joke?" He asks.
The bartender leans in close and says,
"Well, the priest and rabbi to your right are blonde. The two cheerleaders to your left are blonde and, to top it all off, I'M blonde. You still want to tell that joke buddy?"
The blind guy takes a moment to think about it and says
"Nah. I'd rather not have to explain it five times."
A mid 30's guy is grocery shopping, and a 20 something blonde catches his eye.
She looks very familiar, but he can't remember where he met her. When they moved closer, she said to him, "Hi - I think you're the father of one of my children."
The guy freaks out. He says, "I've only cheated on my wife 3 times - in Vegas 5 years ago, in Orlando 4 years ago, and in Seattle 3 years ago. You look familiar, but I just can't remember. Who are you?"
She says, "I'm your son's Sunday school teacher."
You know what I want
A guy taking a overnight train settles down in his bunk in the sleeper car, he hears someone climb into the bunk below him. He looks down behind the curtain, its a beautiful blonde woman. She takes off her blouse and removes her falsies, she takes off her false eyelashes, she removes a fake eye, takes out her false teeth, and puts her prosthetic leg on the nightstand. Just then she looks up and see him. Naturally she is horrified and yells " What do you want?" He says " You know what I want, toss it up here!"
So, a blonde and a brunette are at the mall...
and they see this really good looking guy. Being very outgoing girls they strike up a conversation. After they part ways, the blonde noticed that he had really bad dandruff.
"Yeah, we should give him Head & Shoulders." To which the blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"
Three Blondes
Three blondes were walking in the woods when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Hey guys, look at the bear tracks." The second blonde said, "Are you s**...? Those are wolf tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong! Those are fox tracks!" They were all still arguing when the train hit them.
Doctor tells his patient "I have good news and bad news..."
Guy says "what's the bad news?" Doctor says "you have cancer, it's terminal." Guy starts wailing "Ohhh that's terrible! Oh my god! I can't believe it! Well what's the *good* news then?" Doctor says "you see that blonde bombshell receptionist? I'm *f**...'* 'er!"
Two old guys in a supermarket wandering about, looking lost...
One says to the other "Lost the other half?"
"Yup" he replies.
"Me too. Let's join forces to find them. What does yours look like?"
"She's 25, six foot blonde, 36 double-D, long boots and a short skirt".
"Good. We'll look for yours first".
Blonde Loyalty Test
I don't remember exactly how the joke was worded... maybe you guys can help me out if it doesn't come across well...
A blonde was completing spy training and for the final stage, the proctors had to test her loyalty to the agency. So, they tied a stranger to a chair, gave her a gun, and said "with no background on who this man is, or what he has done, you have to trust us that he needs to be killed." Then they left the room and immediately heard a gun shot, followed by some struggling. After a few minutes, she exited the room and the proctors said congratulations. She replied, "Thanks, but why would you give me a gun with a blank? I had to do it with my bare hands."
A blond couple is in the hospital and the wife is in labor...
After a few laborious hours out pops a beautiful baby boy.
then, another!
Two beautiful twins!
however, the father is furious....
"Ok! who's the other guy you're seeing?!"
Personal Secretary
A guy walked into his friend's office. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.
"Hey, what's up with you?", he asked.
"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me."
"Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?"
"Neither. He's bald."
There are 11 blondes...
hanging on the wings of an airplane. 5 on one wing, and 6 on another, and due to this, theres an imbalance and the plane will c**.... So they all decided that one of the blonde has to let go, so the wings are balanced.
After a lot of discussion, one brave blonde decides that she'll sacrifice herself for the others. She lets go, and the rest of the 10 blondes start clapping, applauding her for her bravery.......
Hope you guys like it, nd sorry if its a xpost.
Football with a blonde girlfriend
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
A blonde visited a bar...
A blonde visited a bar for the first time, sat at the table in front of the bartender.
A guy at her left ordered, "Jack Daniels, Single"
A guy at her right ordered, "Johnny Walker, Single "
The bartender looked at the lady, said ,"and what about you?"
Lady replied,"Amber Smith, Married"
A nerd rides up to his friend on a new bike.
The friend asks "Wow! Where'd you get the cool bike?"
The guy replies "A beautiful blond woman rode up to me on it, then took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!"
The friend says "Good call, dude! The clothes would never have fit!"
Hawaiian joke I love, closest thing i've heard on the mainland features "a brunette, a redhead, and a blond" instead
A Hawaiian, a Japanese, and a Portagee guy are taking a break from construction on the bridge they're building. They sit down to take out their lunches they brought from home.
Hawaiian: If it's tuna salad again, I'm jumping off this bridge!
Japanese: If *I* gotta eat tuna salad one more time, I'm jumping off too.
Portagee: If I have tuna salad again, I'm gonna jump off too. I've had it.
They open their lunches and discover they all have tuna salad. They jump off the bridge.
At their funerals, their wives are weeping to themselves.
Hawaiian man's wife: If only I had known he hated tuna salad! I never woulda made again!
Japanese man's wife: I wish he had told me he didn't like his lunch! I would have made something different!
Portagee man's wife shrugs and says, "Eh, he made his own lunch."
Dog names
A guy asked his blonde friend, What are the names of your dogs?
The she responded that one was named Rolex and the other Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"Helloooooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs."
How do you know the guy leaving the public urinals is a blonde?
He's eating pink marshmallows.
Why did the blonde go to church?
She heard there was a guy there, hung like this, ¯\___(@@)__/¯
(better in person with your own arms....)
A priest, a nun, a rabbi, a blonde, a brunette, a redhead, a farmer, his daughter, a horse, a black guy, a white guy, and an asian guy all walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this? A joke?"
Two Blondes
Two blondes meet up for coffee and one asks the other what she has been upto;
"I had s**... with two Brazilian guys last night"
"Wow - I've never even met that many guys" replied the other
Three Blondes
Three blondes are hiking in the woods when they see some tracks.
1st blonde: Look guys, deer tracks!
2nd blonde: No, s**..., they're wolf tracks!
3rd blonde: You guys are both dumb, they're clearly bear tracks!
Then they got hit by a train.
Head and Shoulders
There are two women in an elevator. One blonde, one brunette. A man walks in. This man has a severe case of dandruff. The brunette says to the blonde "This guy has a ton of dandruff, we should give him some head and shoulders".The blonde replies back saying " How do we give shoulders".
A blonde was speeding on the highway when a cop pulled her over...
The cop walks over to her car and says, "Excuse me ma'am, do you know how fast you were going?"
"Yep" she replied, clearly frustrated
The officer sighed and said, "I'm gonna need to see your license and registration."
The blonde looks at him angrily and says, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and today you expect me to show it to you!?"
Fat ugly guy and a girl
A dad showed his son and daughter a photo of a fat ugly guy and a pretty young s**... blonde having s**....
He said to the son: "if you study hard enough and this guy could be you no matter how ugly you are."
He then went to his daughter, showed the same photo and said: "this is what happens if you drop out of school"
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead had a swimming race
They had to do the breast s**.... The brunette finished first, followed closely by the redhead. They had to go save the blonde because she seemed to be drowning.
When the blonde was able to speak she yelled, "you cheated! You guys used your arms!"
Ski trip [n**...]
Three friends were on a skiing trip in Aspen. After a long day of snow and mountain activity, they returned to their cabin. In an attempt to stay warm, they decided to all three sleep on the same bed.
The next morning, the man on the right side woke up extremely happy, and woke his friends. "Guys! I had the most amazing dream! I dreamed that I got a h**... from a really cute redhead! It felt so real!"
Stunned, the man on the left side said "no way! I had the same dream! And it felt so real! Except I got a h**... from a hot brunette! Ned, let me guess. You had a similar dream about a blonde giving you a h**...?"
The man in the middle says "nah I just had a dream that I was skiing."
How many blondes does it take to do whatever?
None. She always gets the guys to do it for her.
s**... with twins
Two guys are at a bar. One of them looks to the other and says, "I had the best time last night. I had s**... with twins!" The other asks, "How could you tell them apart?" "Well, Jessica had long, beautiful, blonde hair, and Alex had a goatee.
A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator...
And a short man with dandruff gets on and then comes off on the next floor.
The brunette goes, "Wow, that guy could really use some Head and Shoulders."
The blonde says, "How do you give shoulders?"
No offense anyone...hehe
Two blondes are on an elevator
A man gets on and stands in front of them. They both notice that he has terrible dandruff, with flakes all over his jacket.
One blonde whispers to the other, "Someone should give that guy some Head and Shoulders."
The second blonde whispers back, "How do you give shoulders?"
Two Blondes meet up for coffee...
Two blondes meet up for coffee and one asks the other what she has been up to.
"I had s**... with two Brazilian guys last night", she said.
"Wow - I've never even met that many guys" replied the other.
A blonde called tech support and was asked for her password
She replies, "Snoopy Snow White Cinderella d**... Pinocchio Harry Potter Ariel 8." The tech support guy ask, "Why such a long password?" "I was told it needs to have 7 characters and one number." She replies.
A blind guy goes into a bar.
He sits down at the bar and orders a drink. "Do you want to hear a blonde joke?" he asks the bartender. "Well, I'm a blonde, the bouncer's a blonde, the two guys sitting next to you are blonde, and so is the owner who's over there playing darts. Do you still want to tell it?" she asks. Then the blind guy says, "No, not if I have to explain it five times".
A guy walks into a Starbucks and orders a tall blonde to go...
The girl behind him then leaves.
If a blonde and an Asian guy fall off a cliff, who hits the ground first?
The Asian guy because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.
A guy walks into a bar.
Inside the bar he sees a blonde sitting at the bar, she's intently watching the 10 pm news. The news story is about a man who's standing atop a building, preparing to jump. The guy says to the blond "I bet you $50 he'll jump". The blonde takes the bet and continuous to watch.
Some time later, the man on the building jumps. The guy turns to the blonde and says "I'm sorry but I can't take your money. I watched this on the 6 pm news and knew he would jump". The blonde replies "I watched it at 6 pm too, but I didn't think he'd jump again"
A guy walked into his friend's office
, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.
"Hey, what's up with you?", he asks.
"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me."
"Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?"
"Neither, He's bald."
A blonde hears a guy telling blond jokes...
She says "i'm blond, and that's very insulting." Guy says, "alright, I'll repeat it slowly."
What's the most common phrase uttered by a blond after s**...?
"Are you guys all on the same team?"
Blonde father
A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.
One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, All right, who's the other father?
A blind man walks into a bar
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,
Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says,
Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?
The blind guy says, Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
Two blonds sitting
... The first one asked the other: "who are those two blond men sitting in front of us?"
The other one replied: "I don't know. I will go ask them."
Right when the guy stood up, the other one said: "wait, never mind, they've sent one to ask us."
Another blonde joke...
A blonde was speeding on a highway when a policeman pulled her over.
The policeman walks up to the blonde and say "excuse me ma'am can I see your driving license and registration."
The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took my license away and then today you expect me to show it to you."
An officer pulls over a speeding blonde woman
After she rolls down her window, he asks her to take out her license.
She angrily exclaims "Yesterday you guys took away my license and now you expect me to have it on me?"
Guy goes into a deli
He looks over the menu:
Ham sandwich: $5
Roast beef sandwich: $7.50
h**...: $250
He looks at the hot blonde behind the counter and says, "who gives the h**...?"
"I do!" She says with a smile!
"Well, wash your hands and make me a ham sandwich"
Speeding Ticket
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her if he could kindly see her license.
She replied in a huff 'I wish you guys would get your act together, just yesterday you took away my license, and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
A blonde goes to a blood bank to earn a little money to pay the bills...
She steps into the elevator along with an attractive young man.
"Are you going to the blood bank too?" she inquires.
"no" he replies: "I go to the s**... bank, because I get four times the cash as I get for a pint of blood".
A week later, they meet again in the same elevator. The guy asks: " Off to the blood bank again?"
The blonde just shakes her head and says :" Mmm-Mmm"
Three moms are talking and having lunch together...
One mom had black hair, the next was brunette, and the third was blonde.
The black haired mom says "You guys won't believe what I found in my daughters room yesterday. A cigarette! I've never even smoked."
The brunette mom says "You won't believe what I found in *my* daughters room yesterday. Whiskey! I've never even drank."
The blonde mom says "Well guess what I found in *my* daughters room yesterday. A c**...! I've never even had s**... before."
(Blonde joke I just remembered) A blonde and a brunette...
A blonde and a brunette are walking in a shopping mall and spot a man with really bad dandruff. He has a look of visible anger on his face as he passes the two girls. The brunette says "Wow, that guy could use some Head & Shoulders." The blonde says back "How do you give Shoulders?"
A guy and his blonde girlfriend talking..
Guy: ok, I've changed my mind..
Girl: oh! is the new one working properly?
A blonde walk into the dry clean
She put her dress on the counter and asked for it to be cleaned. The guy behind the counter said as she was leaving "come again" she turned around and replied "no, it's toothpaste this time"
So this old guy is lying face down in the sand on a n**... beach.
A hot blonde comes along and starts rhythmically smacking his buttocks like drums.
Then the g**... flips around, grins toothlessly at her and says, Why don't you play the flute instead of the bongos?
A blind man walks into a bar...
A blind man walks into a bar, without know its a lesbian bar, and says to the bartender:
"I have the world's best blonde joke. You wanna hear it?"
The bartender says "Hey, just so you know, I'm the world champion in wrestling. The girl next to you is the world champion in taekwondo and that girl over there is the world champion in kickboxing, and we're all blonde. Are you sure you still want to tell that joke?"
The guy replies "Haha, no thanks. I don't really feel like explaining the joke three times over."
It's 1/4 funny 😄
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to a super bowl game. They had great seats right behind their teams bench.
After the game he asked her how she liked it.
Oh, I really liked it, she replied. I just don't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked,
What do you mean?
Well they flipped a quarter, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...'get the quarterback!, get the quarterback!' I'm like Hellooooo, it's only 25 cents!
A guy wanks into a bar.
He sees two stunningly beautiful blondes and says,
"Hey, barman, two beers for the ladies."
One of the ladies turns to the guy and asks.
"I think you're wasting your time, sir. We're l**...."
"What's that?" asks the guy.
"It means we only like to have s**... with women" the girl responds.
To which the guy retorts: "Hey barman, three beers for us l**...."
Elevator confusion
A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator together and it stops to let a man on. The man is wearing a business suit and has obvious dandruff flakes on both shoulders. He says hello and gets out on the next floor. The women continues to ride in awkward silence when the brunette speaks up. She says, "Someone needs to give that guy some head and shoulders."
The blonde looks confused and replies. "How do you give a guy shoulders?"
A blonde hooks up with a guy at a bar having met earlier on Tinder.
Straight away, she starts flirting with him, subtly at first, but it quickly escalates.
"I don't usually get much response to my profile, why'd you pick me?" asks the guy.
"Well, in all honesty, I mostly use Tinder for s**...", claims the blonde, "You're cute and I like what you wrote in your profile about being a unique".
"Um... I'm a e**..."
A blond American woman travels to Australia...
To meet her boyfriend. They go out on a date and he decides to take her out to a restaurant.
They have a good time and are finished eating, so the guy calls for the bill.
The woman suddenly says "Wait -- when did we start a game of chess? And how did you win so quickly?"
