Blonde Girl Jokes
97 blonde girl jokes and hilarious blonde girl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blonde girl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Blonde Girl Short Jokes
Short blonde girl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blonde girl humour may include short brunette girl jokes also.
- Two blonde girls are celebrating at a table... The waiter comes by and asks "What are you celebrating?"
They say "We finished this puzzle in only 6 months! And the box says from 2 to 4 years!" - A blond girl turns on the radio and hears that 2 Brazilian men were killed As she starts to cry she asks "How many is a Brazilian?"
- A man sees a blonde girl staring intently at a ice cube in her hand The man asks the girl why she's staring at the ice cube and she responds, "I'm trying to figure out where it's leaking from."
- Whats the difference between a blond girl and an elevator? An elevator only fits 5 people in it.
- Two blonde girl goes to a bar. The bartender asks: 'Are you sisters?'
The two blonde says: 'No, we aren't even catholics.' - Why did the blonde girl remove the bathroom door? So that she can't be spied on through a keyhole.
- "I'll have a cheeseburger with a large coke," The blonde girl requested. "Excuse me miss, this is a library."
^^"I'll ^^have ^^a ^^cheeseburger ^^with ^^a ^^large ^^coke," she whispered. - Hey, did you hear about the blonde girl who choked on a piece of plastic? She said that mannequin was one smooth talker.
- Two blonde Mexican girls walk past a Taco Bell. One looks at the other and says "Hey, I didn't know we owned a telephone company."
- I dated a blonde girl who wanted to have kids, I gave her two chances, and she blew both of them.
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Blonde Girl One Liners
Which blonde girl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blonde girl? I can suggest the ones about blonde woman and blonde hair.
- What sound does a blonde white girl make while meditating? "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?"
- Where's the only place that blonde girls can have dark hair? Between their teeth.
- What does a mediating blond girl sound like? "Ummmmmmmmmm...."
- What do you call blonde girls in a wrapper? Airheads
- What do an airplane and a fake blonde girl have in common? They both have a black box.
- Q: Why do blonde girls walk in groups of odd numbers?
A: Because they can't even! - Q: Why do blonde girls walk in groups of odd numbers?
A: Because they can't even! - A clever guy walks up to a blonde girl. ...
Nope never. - How do you find a blonde girl in long grass.. Quite nice actually.
- What do you name the kid of a British super spy and girl with yellow hair? James Blonde
- How do you tell a natural blond apart from girls who have their hair dyed? Math test.
- Why do blonde girls have such big belly b**...? Because they date blonde guys
- What to do if a blonde girl throws a grenade at you Just pull the pin and throw it back
- What do you call a s**... girl with too much makeup in an exam? Blonde roux.
- Why cant a blonde girl call 911? She can't find the 11.
REKT
Unearthly Funniest Blonde Girl Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about blonde girl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hot blonde jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blonde girl pranks.
Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks.
The first one said, "Look, it's deer tracks." The second one said, "No, it's wolf tracks" and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three blondes had boyfriends all named John and they kept getting confused.
They decided to name them after sodas. The first girl said, "I'll call mine 7 Up, because he's seven inches and he's always up." The next girl said, "I'll call mine Mountain Dew, because he mounts me and knows exactly what to do." The last girl goes, "I'll call mine Jack Daniels." The other girls yelled at her and said, "That's not a soda! That's a hard l**...!"
A blonde is working as a lifeguard at a swimming pool when a girl begins to drown, screaming "lifesaver! lifesaver!"
The blonde thinks for a moment, and then asks "cherry or grape?"
So a blonde girl takes her goldfish to the vet...
...and she says to the veterinarian, "Hey, I think my goldfish has epilepsy; it has these awful seizures!"
The veterinarian takes one look at the fish and replies, "Well, it looks alright to me."
The blonde replies angrily, "Well Jesus, let me get it out of the bowl first!"
A blonde girl is eating an ice-cream
Her friend tells her : "You have ice-cream on your cheek".
The blonde girl starts to rub her left cheek. "No the other way".
She puts a finger in her mouth and rubs. "Hij it gonhe ?"
(sorry, it's more a visual joke)
So..the wife and I were in town shopping....
..and as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.
I gently nudged my wife and said "I bet you wish you still had legs like that!".
She got really upset with me..in fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man walks into a bar...
...and after managing to find himself an empty seat at the bar he orders a pint.
Bartender fills the pint and as it is being placed in front of the blind man says, "hey Bartender, wanna hear a dumb blonde girl joke?"
Bar goes silent.
"Hey man," the Bartender says, "you're blind so there is a few things you should know before you tell your joke. You are in a d**... bar, the only one in town actually, and many of us are blonde. I am blonde. Sid the biker chick next to you is blonde and so is her girlfriend. The bouncer is also blonde along with the 2 chicks behind you playing pool. Do you really want to tell that joke?"
"Nah, you're right." says the blind man, "I would have to explain it too many times."
Blondes and Blind Cowboy
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
* The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
* The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head
and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times
Three blondes and a brunette walk into a bar.
The blonde girls explain to the bartender that they've never ordered a shot before, and ask what he recommends. He decides on something exciting for their time with hard liquor, and pours them each a flaming shot. He then turns to the brunette, and asks what she'd like to drink.
"I'll just have a water, thanks."
"You their driver?"
"No, I'm not even with them. I just want to be able to remember this."
So there's this magical mountain...
...where people jump off, and land in a pool of whatever they yell. There are three chicks, a brown-haired girl, and brunette, and a blonde. The brown-haired girl jumps, and yells "CANDY!", and lands in a huge pool of candy. The brunette jumps off and yells "MONEY!", and lands in a pool of money. The blonde jumps and yells "CANNONBALL!".
A Blonde, A Brunette and an Asian were stuck on an Island...
and a genie came out and said, "each one of you have to tell me a truth, if you lie, I will make you disappear!"
The Asian proceeded to say, "I think I am the prettiest girl in the whole world!"
Puff! She disappeared.
The Brunette then said, "I think I am the prettiest girl in the whole world!"
Puff! She disappeared.
The Blonde, having witnessed this, got scared and nervously said, "I think..."
Puff!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A old man goes into confession
"Father, all my life I've been faithful, but last night, I met two beautiful blonde 21-year-old girls and I slept with them, twice each!"
"Well, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Oh, never Father, I'm Jewish!"
"Well, why are you telling me then??"
"Are you kidding? I'm telling everyone!!"
Two blonde girls at a traffic light
They stop at red:
-Look at that red color!
-Wow, it's beautiful.
-And the yellow!
-Such brightness!
-And the green!
-Much nature!
-Oh, it's red again, we saw it already. Let's go.
A brunette and a blonde are stranded on an island.
Suddenly, a magical genie appears to them. He says, "You girls have stumbled upon an unfortunate fate. Therefore, I will grant you each one wish."
The brunette says, "I wish I were home with my family!"
"So it is done," the genie says, and the girl is poofed home.
The blonde looks over to where her friend had just been standing and says, "Aw man, I wish she hadn't left me here."
My dad's go to joke...
So there's a blonde, a brunette, and a red head who are all pregnant. A man walks up to the brunette and asks what gender she is having. She replies saying "well I was on top so I'm having a boy!' He then asks the red head what gender her baby is and she replies "well I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!' He then asks the blonde what she is having and she says 'Oh my god! I must be having puppies!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fat ugly guy and a girl
A dad showed his son and daughter a photo of a fat ugly guy and a pretty young s**... blonde having s**....
He said to the son: "if you study hard enough and this guy could be you no matter how ugly you are."
He then went to his daughter, showed the same photo and said: "this is what happens if you drop out of school"
Canine Names
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"Isn't it obvious?" the second blonde responded. "They're watch dogs!"
One time I took a blonde girl to the movies...
We bought our tickets and waited in line for snacks. I got popcorn; she got M&M's. We got a drink to split.
We sat down during the previews. I started eating my popcorn and she opened her M&M's and dumped them all out in her lap. She carefully separated them all by color, took all the brown ones, and threw them in the trash.
"What was that about?" I asked as she returned to her seat.
She smiled and replied "Oh, I'm allergic to chocolate so I always throw the chocolate flavored ones away."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend...
An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend are about to celebrate their one year anniversary. She wants to do something special for him that night, and decides that she wants to go down on him, but alas has no experience. She asks her friend for advice, who then hands her a banana and says "Here, practice with this."
Sure enough, the blonde girls peels the banana and goes to town on it like a d**... professional. Her friend says "See, you're doing great! Don't change a thing!"
The next day the blonde's friend calls her up, eager to hear how everything went. "How did everything go?" She asks.
The blonde says "Pretty great. Didn't know there would be that much screaming and blood though."
"Blood?" Her friend asks, "Where did the blood come from?"
"The peeling."
An old, blind cowboy wanders into a bar....
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler
"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A guy walks into a Starbucks and orders a tall blonde to go...
The girl behind him then leaves.
3 blonde girls is at the side of a river
And they're trying to get to the village on the other side
1 blond girl ask god to make her smart,so god turn her into a brunette and she swims across the river
the other girl ask god to make her smarter than the girl that just swam,so god make her into a redhead and she built a raft and paddle across
The last girl ask god to make her smarter than the other two girls,so god make her a man and he uses the bridge
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in a maternity ward, waiting to give birth.
The brunette says, "I think I'm having a boy because when we conceived, my husband was on top".
The redhead smiles and says, "in that case, I'm having a girl. I'm always on top!"
At this, the blonde starts crying hysterically. The other two calm her down and ask her what's wrong.
"I'm having puppies!" she sobs
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[Blonde] A blonde comes home early and finds her husband with another girl...
...so she runs out of the room and the husband follows her. She gets to the kitchen and grabs a gun from the drawer and points it at her head. The husband starts crying as tells her, "Wait don't do it I still love you it was just a mistake!" The blonde replies, "Shut up you're next!"
A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas...
and sees a beautiful blonde sitting there with her boyfriend.
He pulls out his gun, and shoots the boyfriend. Then he walks up to the girl and asks, "What a lovely girl like you doing in a place like this all alone."
Blonde Moments: Life with a Blonde Teenage Daughter
SCENE: My teenage daughter and me in the car.
Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl's name is?
Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.
Lauren: You're no fun, Dad. Forget it.
Me: What is a vowel?
Lauren: OK, OK. A vowel is … ahh … eh … well, oh … uh …
Me: Close enough.
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are each pregnant and at the doctor's office...
While sitting in the waiting area, they begin chatting.
The brunette says "I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!"
The redhead says "I was on top so I'm having a boy!"
The blonde starts crying hysterically.
The brunette and redhead ask her what's wrong.
The blonde says "I'm going to have a puppy!"
A man is waiting for a bus, when he sees a blonde across the street digging a hole...
...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing?"
"We're working" the first blonde replies.
"Just the two of you?" He inquires.
"Well" the second blonde chimes in, "there's usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a blonde girl that is not a natural blonde?
An airplane blonde!
Why? Because she has a black box!
Alabama college kid visiting Boston
So this Alabama Crimson Tide football player is visiting Boston. He's at a party and sees this pretty blonde girl, want to chat her up.
Goes over and says "What college does you go to?" She's not impressed by his down south accent and general rural hick ways, so she says "Yale." and looks away.
He lean over to her ear and says "WHAT COLLEGE DOES YOU GO TO?"
Three Pregnant Ladies
Three Pregnant Ladies are discussing their unborn babies.
The Brunette says "I am having a girl because I was on the bottom when my partner and I conceived"
The Redhead says "I am having a boy as I was on top with my partner"
The Blonde starts crying and the other two ask what is wrong "I am going to be having ten puppies!"
3 cousins are together talking about their names. The first, a raven haired beauty, says "when my mother was pregnant a rose fell from a bush and landed on her stomach so she named me Rose".
The second, a beautiful blonde, says, "when my mother was pregnant a violet landed on her stomach, so she named me Violet".
She turns to the 3rd cousin, a small crippled girl in a wheelchair, "how did u get your name, Piano??".
Body Pain
A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, Doctor I'm hurting all over my body.
That's odd , replied the doctor, Show me what you mean
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says, You're not a natural brunette are you?
No I'm a blonde , she replies.
I thought so…. your finger is broken. , replies the doctor.
(Blonde joke I just remembered) A blonde and a brunette...
A blonde and a brunette are walking in a shopping mall and spot a man with really bad dandruff. He has a look of visible anger on his face as he passes the two girls. The brunette says "Wow, that guy could use some Head & Shoulders." The blonde says back "How do you give Shoulders?"
A blonde girl gets pulled over by a blonde police officer for speeding...
The Police officer asks for a drivers license & the blonde starts going through her bag looking for it.
She's getting increasingly frustrated as she looks for the drivers license & asks the police officer for assistance.
The blonde asks: "I'm having trouble finding it... Can you please tell me what it is suppose to look like?"
The officer responds: "Sure, it's just a square that has your picture on it."
After a bit more rustling through her bag, she pulls out a square mirror and hands it to the police officer.
The police officer looks at the mirror and says: "Oh, I'm so sorry... I didn't realise you were a police officer! You can go"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Magic carpet
A blonde , a brunette and a red head walk into a carpet store and spot a talking magic carpet.
It spoke, "if you step on me and lie, you will disappear with a p**...!"
The brunette steps on first and says, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in town."
She vanished with a p**...!
The red head steps on the carpet and says, "I think I'm the smartest girl in town."
She vanished with a p**...!
The blonde steps on the carpet and says, "I think-"
She vanished with a p**...!
As the crowded elevator descended,
Mrs. Simpson became too furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Simpson, and said,
"That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Simpson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't" said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this s**... blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...
"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"
"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"
A blonde girl decides to do a puzzle.....
...so she grabs the puzzle and pours out all the pieces and tries to put it together. After a while she gets frustrated and calls her boyfriend. He asks her what is wrong and she tells him about the trouble she is having with the puzzle. He tells her to look at the picture on the front and tell him what it looks like. The blonde says, Okay, well, the background is blue and there is a tiger on it.
After a long pause her boyfriend sighs and says, Honey, put the cornflakes back in the box.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man walks into a bar...
A blind man walks into a bar, without know its a lesbian bar, and says to the bartender:
"I have the world's best blonde joke. You wanna hear it?"
The bartender says "Hey, just so you know, I'm the world champion in wrestling. The girl next to you is the world champion in taekwondo and that girl over there is the world champion in kickboxing, and we're all blonde. Are you sure you still want to tell that joke?"
The guy replies "Haha, no thanks. I don't really feel like explaining the joke three times over."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I said to this Blonde Girl, I bet you a b**... I can sing a song with your name in it, she said OK you are on, my name is Susan.
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Susan, Happy Birthday to You. You're the 14th Blonde I have sang to this week.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy wanks into a bar.
He sees two stunningly beautiful blondes and says,
"Hey, barman, two beers for the ladies."
One of the ladies turns to the guy and asks.
"I think you're wasting your time, sir. We're l**...."
"What's that?" asks the guy.
"It means we only like to have s**... with women" the girl responds.
To which the guy retorts: "Hey barman, three beers for us l**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So this blonde girl finally got her driver's license, but is still disapointed. Why is that?
On her license, there's a line that says
'**...: F''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a skyscraper
Suddenly, a fire starts and the three of them are trapped on a balcony. The firemen show up and hold out a canopy for the girls to jump onto. The brunette jumps and the firemen miss her with the canopy. They apologize and encourage the other two girls to jump. The redhead jumps and the firemen miss her as well. The firemen apologize again and ensure the blonde they will catch her. She says, "I'm not s**..., put it on the ground and I'll jump."
Two blondes at the cinema, one says to the other I bet that girl falls out of that boat and into the lake, second blonde, no way, I bet you 50 bucks, sure enough the girl falls into the lake, second blonde says how did you know that?
first blonde, I saw this film last week, second says so did I, didn't think she would do it twice.
In one episode of Dexter's Laboratory, Dexter fires Dee-Dee because.....
....he can't focus properly when she distracts him. So he hires this pretty blonde girl to mimic Dee-Dee, and he asks her "I want to see you dance" "That'll be 50$ extra" Took me awhile to figure that one out
So today I smashed my van in to the side of this blonde lasses car...
It was totally my fault, the car was a write off and the girl was very shook up, you could tell she was in shock so I told her I had a few cans of beer in the back of my van if she wanted them to get over the shock ..... She accepted, drunk a few then asked me if I was having one, I told her I'd wait until the police had been.
[blonde] Two girls were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again. "Yes... no... yes... no...yes..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a 23 year old blonde girl?
I don't have a Ferrari t**... in my garage.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you do if a blonde girl throws a grenade at you?
You remove the pin then throw it back at her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of blonde girls overhear a guy saying that all blondes are dumb
So one of the girls says: "no we're not, we'll prove it!"
The guy: "Ok what's 3 + 2?"
One of the blondes: "7"
After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.
The guy: "ok you get a second chance, what's 2+4?"
One of the blondes: "6"
After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.
Here my attempt to translate a Dutch joke in English
2 blond girls meet up. The first girl asks the other: "which is further away, the moon or Australia?" The other things about this long and hard and comes back with her answer after an hour: "the moon is closer, definitely the moon." "How come?" asks the first girl. "Well," says the other "we can see the moon every night, do you ever see Australia?"
Oldie but goodie
Girl says to her mother I read better than half the other girls in my class Momma is it because I'm blonde ? Yes honey it's because you're blonde . I can run faster than most of the other girls too momma, is it because I'm blonde ? Yes honey it's because you're blonde . I have big boobies too momma, and none of the other girls have anything, is that because I'm blonde too momma ? No sweetie that's because you're 24
Where are we?
Not mine:
Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly? The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."
Kindergarten Blonde
A blond girl comes home from her first day of kindergarten and says "most of the kids can count to 10, but I can count to 20. Is that because I'm a blond?"
Her mom says"yes dear, it's because you're a blond."
The next day the girl comes home and says "today we had to do our ABC's." Most of the kids only got half way, but I knew them all. Is that because I'm a blond, mom?"
"Yes dear, it's because you're a blond."
The following day the girl comes home and says "we had gym today and I noticed I'm more physically advanced than the others. . Is that because I'm a blond, mom?"
Her mom says " no dear. It's because you're 24."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were in their obstetrician's waiting room discussing their pregnancies.
The brunette said she was certain she was going to have a boy, because she was on top when she got pregnant!
The red head said she was certain she was going to have a girl because she was in the m**... when she got pregnant!
All of a sudden the blonde burst into tears. Between sobs the brunette & red head finally got her to tell them why she became so upset. She told them she believes she's going to have puppies!!!!!
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about where they would go if they were astronauts.
The brunette says "the Moon. The Redhead says "Mars". The Blond says "The Sun." When the other two girls say she can't go to the sun as she'd get incinerated, she replies with "I'd go at night, duh!"
Three blondes are on a walk
While on this walk, they come across an interesting set of tracks. Taking interest in it, each of the girls have a guess as to what animal it could be.
The first blond said "I bet those are bear tracks", to which the other two scoff and say there were no bears around.
The second blond says "they might be raccoon tracks", but the others point out they have never seen raccoon tracks that big before.
The third one, joking, says "I bet those are elephant footprints" and they have a good laugh about it.
Then the train hit them.
Last year a guy took his blonde girl friend to the Superbowl
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you
mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a bar
He saw an attractive girl waving at him, but he's not so sure so he looks around to make sure that's him she's waving to.
The girl walks to him and said: "Hello!"
She was so beautiful with blonde hair blue eyes, but he can't remember knowing her.
"I'm sorry, do I know you?" - he asks.
"Yes, you're one of my kids' father!"
Now he panics, and recalls to that one time he cheated on his wife.
"Are you that stripper on my bachelor's party where we had s**... on the bar counter and all of my friends saw you spanked me?"
"k**..., but no, I'm your kid's teacher!"
A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains.
She tells the salesman:
"I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my
computer screen".
The surprised salesman replies:
"But madam, computers do not have curtains...".
And the blonde said:
"Helloooo.... I've got Windows!!!"
A blonde girl sets out to prove blonde aren't dumb
A blonde girl rents out a stadium and invites as many blondes as she can and sure enough 80,000 blondes fill the stadium and she films it all on live television. She invites a little 4 year old girl out in front of everyone and asks her what's 2+2? The little girl shivers and squeaks out T-three? The crowd erupts yelling Give her another chance! So they do and ask her again what's 2+2? The girl stands there for a moment before answering is it 4? The crowd starts chanting once again Give her another chance!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As I knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this blonde in a short skirt, I couldn't resist a quick glance at her knickers:
"Hey cheeky!" She said as she gave me a playful kick. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts isn't it?"
"That's an absolutely ridiculous accusation, madam." I said sternly. "I don't even work here."
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy.
The guy takes off his shirt she says, "Oh what chest!"
"That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby."
Then he takes off his pants she says, "Oh what legs!''
He says, "That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby."
After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says, "Why were you running?"
She said I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."
A blonde girl called Jenny came skipping home after school.
"Mommy mommy! Today in school, everyone else only counted to 5, but I counted to 10!"
The mom replies, "That's great honey!"
Jenny then asks, "Is it because I'm blonde?"
"Yes sweetie" says the mom.
The next day, Jenny comes home skipping and calling out "Mommy mommy! Today after gym class, everyone was taking a shower and had flat chests! While I had these!"
Jenny lifts her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's. "Is it because I'm blonde?"
Embarrassed, the mom replies, "No honey, it's because you're 24"
A blonde walks into a blind date
Nice to meet you she says to her date as they seat themselves in the booth
So tell me about yourself. What do you do for work? She asks the man
Oh I'm an optometrist he replies
The blonde flashes a big smile and says I think this is going to work out after all, I'm a glass half full girl myself
