Blonde Bar Jokes
103 blonde bar jokes and hilarious blonde bar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blonde bar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Blonde Bar Short Jokes
Short blonde bar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blonde bar humour may include short blonde waitress jokes also.
- I held the door ... open for a gorgeous blonde at the bar last night.
My wife said, "You've never held the door open for me."
I said, "What about that time you threatened to leave?" - A blonde walks into a bar yelling, "65 days!" A guy asks her, "What's in 65 days?"
The blonde replies, "I completed the puzzle in 65 days! The box said 2 to 4 years!" - 2 blondes, 2 brunettes, and 2 redheads walk into a bar. The 2 blondes say "hello" to the bartender... The 4 Non Blondes say "WHAT'S GOING ON!"
- After a night of drinking, John walks into a metal bar The music was great and he hooks up with a beautiful blonde.
He awakes at the hospital with a mild concussion. - Joe Biden walks into a bar and sees a pretty, young blonde chick. He sits down next to her and says "So, do I come here often?"
- Heard this gem in the video game L.A. Noire. Three blondes walk into a bar.
You'd think one of them would have saw it. - An Amnesiac Walks Into… An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, So, do I come here often?
- The blonde, the policeman, the jew, and the chicken from the other side of the road enter a bar. The bartender stares at them for a few seconds, then asks: "Is this a joke?"
- A priest, blonde, jew, black guy, chinese guy, and a gay guy walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What is this, some kind of joke?"
- A Presbyterian, a lawyer, a blonde, and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"
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Blonde Bar One Liners
Which blonde bar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blonde bar? I can suggest the ones about blonde car and blonde girl.
- Two blondes walk into a bar You'd think the second one would have ducked
- Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Someone told her drinks were on the house.
- Two blondes walk into a bar The first one says "Don't worry, I didn't see it either".
- A Brunette and a Redhead walk into a bar . . . The Blonde, ironically, ducked.
- Why did the blonde nun run through the singles' bar? She wanted to be chaste.
- Why did 20 blondes stand outside the bar? Because you need to be 21 to get in.
- A blonde, brunette, and a red head walk into a bar Wow, these are great binoculars!
- Two blondes walk into a bar. *BANG* *BANG*
- Two blondes walk into a bar And knock themselves out.
- 16 Blondes are standing outside the bar. Why didn't they go in? The sign said 18+.
- A blonde, a priest and a duck walk into a bar, the bartender asks "Is this a joke?"
- So here i am sitting at a bar when a beat up blonde walks in. She ran into many bars.
- Two blondes walk into a bar and take a seat. They are immediately arrested for theft.
- A group of blondes pass the bar... With high marks.
- Two blondes are in a bar They were drunk in no time.
Comical & Quirky Blonde Bar Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about blonde bar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean blonde hair jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blonde bar pranks.
One day a brunette walked into a bar filled with blondes.
Everyone was chanting, "Fifty-one days! Fifty-one days!" Then two more blondes walked in and joined in chanting, "Fifty-one days! Fifty-one days!" Confused, the brunette asked blonde bartender, "Why is everyone chanting 'Fifty-one days'?" The bartender answered, "Our bar patrons over there finished a puzzle in only fifty-one days, even though the box said 'two to four years'!"
What did one blonde say to the other blone, while entering a bar?
Well blondie, Bottoms-Up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a blind man walks into a bar..
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey, do you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bartender replies "Look buddy, im blonde, and I am 200 pounds of pure muscle. The guy next to you is blond too, and he is 250 pounds, and the guy on the other side is also blonde, he is 300 pounds of bulk, are you still sure you want to tell that joke?"
The blind man replies "Never mind, I dont wanna have to repeat it 5 times."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, This Blind Guy Walks Into a Bar...
And takes a seat in front of the bartender.
"Would you like to here a great blonde joke?" He asks.
The bartender leans in close and says,
"Well, the priest and rabbi to your right are blonde. The two cheerleaders to your left are blonde and, to top it all off, I'M blonde. You still want to tell that joke buddy?"
The blind guy takes a moment to think about it and says
"Nah. I'd rather not have to explain it five times."
A blind man walks into a bar and asks, "You all wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The female bartender responds, "Let me stop you right there. I'm a blonde. The big bouncer at the door is a blonde. There's a biker chick sitting next to you, who is also a blonde. The singer on the stage, the manager of the bar, and two of the people at the table behind you are all blondes. Now think, do you REALLY want to tell that joke here?
"Nah," the man sighs, "not if I'm gonna have to explain it 7 times."
A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and asks, "Is this some kind of a joke?"
A blind man walks into a bar...
and orders his drink. While he's waiting he asks: "Hey! Do you want to hear a blonde joke?". The woman next to him answers: " I'm blond and had the worst day ever. The bartender is a blonde and has plenty of brawn and next to you sits also a blond biker. Do you really want to tell this joke?" The blind man says: "No, not any more. I don't want to explain the joke a thousand times."
A group of blondes are chanting "31 days" in a bar...
so after awhile the bartender gets curious and asks one of the blondes "why are you ladies chanting 31 days?". The group parts and the blonde responds "you see this puzzle here?? we finished it in 31 days! and the box says 2-4 years"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man walks into a bar...
...and after managing to find himself an empty seat at the bar he orders a pint.
Bartender fills the pint and as it is being placed in front of the blind man says, "hey Bartender, wanna hear a dumb blonde girl joke?"
Bar goes silent.
"Hey man," the Bartender says, "you're blind so there is a few things you should know before you tell your joke. You are in a d**... bar, the only one in town actually, and many of us are blonde. I am blonde. Sid the biker chick next to you is blonde and so is her girlfriend. The bouncer is also blonde along with the 2 chicks behind you playing pool. Do you really want to tell that joke?"
"Nah, you're right." says the blind man, "I would have to explain it too many times."
Blondes and Blind Cowboy
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
* The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
* The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head
and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times
Three blondes and a brunette walk into a bar.
The blonde girls explain to the bartender that they've never ordered a shot before, and ask what he recommends. He decides on something exciting for their time with hard liquor, and pours them each a flaming shot. He then turns to the brunette, and asks what she'd like to drink.
"I'll just have a water, thanks."
"You their driver?"
"No, I'm not even with them. I just want to be able to remember this."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A biker walks into a bar
and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A bunch of blondes are celebrating in a bar
Everytime the bartender brings a round they all get up cheering;
10 DAYS---10 DAYS
After the third round the bartender inquires as to what the celebration is all about,
So, one of the blonde says, "We made a puzzle in 10 days"
"10 days? That's not really something to celebrate about",
OH YEAH, well it did say 2 to 4 years on the box!!!
A blonde visited a bar...
A blonde visited a bar for the first time, sat at the table in front of the bartender.
A guy at her left ordered, "Jack Daniels, Single"
A guy at her right ordered, "Johnny Walker, Single "
The bartender looked at the lady, said ,"and what about you?"
Lady replied,"Amber Smith, Married"
Two blondes and a stripper walk into a bar.
The second blonde should have seen it coming.
The stripper usually does.
My friend from Turkey had never heard a blonde joke. This was his attempt at telling one.
A blonde walks into a bar and sits down next to an Englishman, Irishman, and German. They turn to her and say, "Are you new here?"
Two lawyers are sitting in a bar...
... When a hot blonde walks in. The one lawyer says, "Man, wouldn't you like to screw that?" and the other lawyer replies, "Outta what?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An anesthesiologist walks into a bar...
and goes to buy a drink. He sits next to a lonely, beautiful blonde and offers to buy her one too. After a couple hours they head back to her place and they have c**.... Next morning during coffee, she asks him: "Hey, are you an anesthesiologist?". He looks at her and says "Yea, why?" She goes: "I knew it! Last night I couldn't feel a thing!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just saw 2 blondes walk into a bar.
You'd think after the first one did, the second one would have stopped.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... with twins
Two guys are at a bar. One of them looks to the other and says, "I had the best time last night. I had s**... with twins!" The other asks, "How could you tell them apart?" "Well, Jessica had long, beautiful, blonde hair, and Alex had a goatee.
A blonde a brunette and Ellen Pao walk into a bar...
This content has been censored by Ellen Pao because it was harassing her personal interests
20 blondes are standing outside a bar. On the other side of the street another blond is walking by;
"Hey, come over here. You have to be 21 to enter"
A blind man walks into a bar
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"
The man said to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he's blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"
The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
A blind guy goes into a bar.
He sits down at the bar and orders a drink. "Do you want to hear a blonde joke?" he asks the bartender. "Well, I'm a blonde, the bouncer's a blonde, the two guys sitting next to you are blonde, and so is the owner who's over there playing darts. Do you still want to tell it?" she asks. Then the blind guy says, "No, not if I have to explain it five times".
An old, blind cowboy wanders into a bar....
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler
"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A guy walks into a bar.
Inside the bar he sees a blonde sitting at the bar, she's intently watching the 10 pm news. The news story is about a man who's standing atop a building, preparing to jump. The guy says to the blond "I bet you $50 he'll jump". The blonde takes the bet and continuous to watch.
Some time later, the man on the building jumps. The guy turns to the blonde and says "I'm sorry but I can't take your money. I watched this on the 6 pm news and knew he would jump". The blonde replies "I watched it at 6 pm too, but I didn't think he'd jump again"
A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas...
and sees a beautiful blonde sitting there with her boyfriend.
He pulls out his gun, and shoots the boyfriend. Then he walks up to the girl and asks, "What a lovely girl like you doing in a place like this all alone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irish, blind, gay, paraplegic blonde woman is wheeled into a bar..
"Ow!"
Four blonds walk into a bar...
...cheering "85 Days! 85 Days!"
A gentleman inquires "Excuse me, but what's '85 days?'"
The blonds reply "We completed a puzzle in 85 days and the box says 2-4 years!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, a drunk, a liar, and a loser walk into a bar to order a couple drinks...
The bartender says: "There's my favorite customer! What will it be this time Ms. Clinton?"
A blind man walks into a bar
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,
Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says,
Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?
The blind guy says, Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
A group of blondes walk into a bar
A group of blondes walk into a bar celebrating and chanting "28 days, 28 days, it only took us 28 days!!"
Everyone was wondering what took them 28 days and why they were celebrating. Finally, when the blondes were about to leave, a bartender goes up and asks "What took you 28 days, why are you celebrating??"
All the blondes say "We just finished a puzzle in 28 days and on the box it said 3-6 years!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blond, a rabbi, a schoolkid, a lawyer, a p**..., the pope, a pirate and george bush walk into a bar...
The bartender says:
Is this a joke?
Two blonde girl goes to a bar.
The bartender asks: 'Are you sisters?'
The two blonde says: 'No, we aren't even catholics.'
"I'll take two of them..."
A blonde walks into a bar that has a sign marked: "For Men Only". "I'm sorry, ma'am," says the bartender. "We only serve men in this place." "That's OK, " says the blonde. "I'll take two of them..."
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead
...a doctor, a lawyer and an accountant, a Brit, a German and an American, a priest, a rabbi, two camels and a duck walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them all and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
A blonde walks into a bar.
Was too busy trying to walk and chew gum that she didn't notice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man walks into a bar...
A blind man walks into a bar, without know its a lesbian bar, and says to the bartender:
"I have the world's best blonde joke. You wanna hear it?"
The bartender says "Hey, just so you know, I'm the world champion in wrestling. The girl next to you is the world champion in taekwondo and that girl over there is the world champion in kickboxing, and we're all blonde. Are you sure you still want to tell that joke?"
The guy replies "Haha, no thanks. I don't really feel like explaining the joke three times over."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy wanks into a bar.
He sees two stunningly beautiful blondes and says,
"Hey, barman, two beers for the ladies."
One of the ladies turns to the guy and asks.
"I think you're wasting your time, sir. We're l**...."
"What's that?" asks the guy.
"It means we only like to have s**... with women" the girl responds.
To which the guy retorts: "Hey barman, three beers for us l**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde hooks up with a guy at a bar having met earlier on Tinder.
Straight away, she starts flirting with him, subtly at first, but it quickly escalates.
"I don't usually get much response to my profile, why'd you pick me?" asks the guy.
"Well, in all honesty, I mostly use Tinder for s**...", claims the blonde, "You're cute and I like what you wrote in your profile about being a unique".
"Um... I'm a e**..."
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
Two guys walk into a bar...
They look around, and see that at one table, there's a rabbi, a priest, and an imman. At another there's an Irishman, a Scottsman, and a Brit. At a third there's a blonde, a brunette, and a readhead. Up at the bar, sits a dog with a bandaged paw.
Guy looks to his friend and says, 'What is this, some kind of joke?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde walks into a bar.
Now the police are here wondering if I a**... my wife.
A blond man walks into a bar
He sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself, so he goes over to introduce himself.
"Hello miss, my name is Billy. Can I buy you a drink?"
She says, "I'm Amanda."
The man says, "Oh, I'm sorry to bother you, sir." and leaves.
A blind man walks into a bar. He sits down and says "Who here wan't to hear a blond joke?"
The waitress says "Oh honey, I'm blond! And my co worker is blond too. Also, the lady sitting next to you is blond as well. Are you sure you wan't to tell it?"
The blind guy says "No, I guess not. Thanks for the warning. I don't have time to explain it three times".
Another Blonde Joke
A blonde, an American, and a Russian are in a bar, bragging about why they're better. The Russian says, "We were the first into space!" The American says, "We were the first on the moon!" The blonde says,"Well we're going to be the first on the sun!"
The American says,"You know you can't do that, right? You'll burn up before you get there." The blonde says,"Well we're not dumb! We're going to go at night!"
A blonde walks into a bar
And says, " O M G totally watch where you're going....... totally."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Surgeons meet in a bar...
Three Surgeons meet in a bar and talk about their work. The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was able to win gold in the olympics". The third one says "a cowboy and his horse were hit by a train and the only thing i had left to work with was the guys a**... and the horses blond mane. I did my best and the guy became president of the USA".
Blind man walks into a bar
And says to the bartender: hey wanna hear a blonde joke?
Bartender says: listen pal, I'm blonde, the two marines next to you are blonde, the pianist is blonde, and the bouncer is blonde. Now, are you sure you want to make a blonde joke?
Blind man: nah, not if I have to explain it 5 times!
Smart blonde, honest politican and grandma are walking into a bar
Who orders beer?
Grandma because other characters are fictional!
Two blondes are chatting in a bar.
Eventually it's time for one to leave. She'd kicked off her shoes whilst sitting. As she slipped them back on the second blonde noticed an R and an L on them.
"Hey, what are those letters for, " she asked.
"Oh it's so i get them on the correct feet. L for left and R for right."
The second blonde pondered this for a moment.
"That's genius," she eventually exclaimed, "and now I understand why my knickers say C&A!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blond walks into a bar and orders a line of shots.
A blond walks into a bar and asks for 10 shots of the establishment's finest single malt scotch. The bartender sets her up, and the blond takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. She then takes the last shot in the row and does the same.
The bartender asks, "Why did you do that?" And the blondy replies, "Well the first shot always tastes like c**..., and the last one always makes me sick!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blind/blonde joke
A blind guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. After a while, he asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies, "Sure, but before you start you should know, I'm blonde. The woman on your left is a blonde, and the man on your right has a black belt in karate and is also blonde.... Are you SURE you want to tell a blonde joke in here?" The blind man replies, "Nah, not if I have to explain it three times."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to a bar on the weekend and the sign read:
Hamburgers £1:00
Cheeseburgers £2:00
h**... £3:00 (Oh yesss!!)
I called the attractive blonde behind the bar across to enquire. "Can I help you?" she asked with a big smile. "I was wondering (I whispered) Are you the one who gives them ummm!! Hand Jobs?" "Yessssss" she almost purrs "I am" "Well wash your hands," I said "I want a cheeseburger!!"
A guy in a dimly lit bar turns to the woman next to him and says hey you want to hear a blonde joke?
The woman responds, before you tell your blonde joke, let me tell YOU something. I'm a professional MMA fighter and I'm blonde. The woman next to me is a professional kickboxer and she's blonde too. Oh and next to her, a judo instructor. Also blonde. You still want to tell me that blonde joke?
The man turns back to his beer. Ughh. Not if I have to explain it THREE times.
The nurse
A man walks into a bar, ends up getting into a horrible bar fight and is lying on the floor injured. "Don't worry," says the bartender, a Red Cross nurse is in the building and is coming to help you.' "Oh no," groans the victim, "couldn't I have a blonde, cheerful one?"
The blind date
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm meeting my blind date here tonight," he tells the bartender. "She's the sister of one of my friends. All he told me was that she was blonde and is expecting a baby." "Well," the bartender replies. "That explains why you're sitting here in just a diaper."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walked into a bar.
A man walked into a bar with both of his front pockets full of golf b**... & sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him & his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf b**...".
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
A blind man walks into a bar.
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young blonde orders a drink from the bar.
Bartender goes "you have to be 21 to drink here."
Blonde says "d**..., I just turned 22" and walks out.
A drunk man walks into a bar
After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, "You wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The person replies, "I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?"
The man thinks for a while and replies, "Not if I have to explain it three times."
