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Blond Jokes

176 blond jokes and hilarious blond puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blond that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Blond Short Jokes

Short blond jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blond humour may include short brunette jokes also.

  1. Two blondes are walking and one asks, which is closer, the moon or Florida? And the other responds, duh... ... can you see Florida?
  2. A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners The lady says, "Come Again!"
    The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
  3. A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she's the only one who's 18.
  4. A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police: - Hello, is this 911?
    - Yes, what is your emergency?
    - I called to inform you that you're 910 now.
  5. Two blondes meet at a busy chicken market A: If I can guess how many chickens you have in that bag, can I have one?
    B: You can have both
    A: Three
  6. Why can't a blonde dial 911? Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
    A: She can't find the eleven.
  7. Doctor: "I'm just waiting for your X-Ray." Blonde: "I've never dated anyone by that name."
  8. Why did the Blonde feel so proud of herself for finishing a jigsaw puzzle in only six months? It said 2-4 years on the box.
  9. Joke of the day about blondes. Two blondes fell down a hole.
    One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"
    The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." :-D
  10. What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden? The average intelligence of both countries goes up.

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Blond One Liners

Which blond one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blond? I can suggest the ones about brunette hair and brunette girl.

  1. Why was the blonde snorting Sweet and Low? She thought it was diet coke.
  2. What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence
    *
  3. Two blondes walk into a bar You'd think the second one would have ducked
  4. How do you make a blonde laugh on a Friday night? Tell them a joke on Monday.
  5. What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant (with twins)
  6. Why did the blonde snort splenda? She thought it was diet coke.
  7. [Blonde] What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.
  8. Why can't blondes work at the M&M Company? Because they throw away all the ones with w's
  9. How did the blonde break her legs raking leaves? She fell out of a tree.
  10. What do you call a smart blonde? A Golden Retriever.
  11. Why did 18 blondes goto the movies. Because it said under 17 not admitted
  12. Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Someone told her drinks were on the house.
  13. Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar? She heard drinks were on the house.
  14. Why can't a blonde dial 911? Because she can't find the number 11
  15. What do you call it when a blonde woman puts on a wig? Artificial Intelligence.

Blond Girl Jokes

Here is a list of funny blond girl jokes and even better blond girl puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Two blonde girls are celebrating at a table... The waiter comes by and asks "What are you celebrating?"
    They say "We finished this puzzle in only 6 months! And the box says from 2 to 4 years!"
  • A blond girl turns on the radio and hears that 2 Brazilian men were killed As she starts to cry she asks "How many is a Brazilian?"
  • Why did the blond girl became the Invisible Woman? Because she has to be dense enough for light to bend around her
  • Two blonde girls... ...were driving to Disneyland. The sign said: Disneyland left. They started crying and headed home.
  • Blonde Joke Why did the blonde girl have bruises around her belly button?
    Because blonde guys aren't smart either (Sorry if it's a repost.)
  • A man sees a blonde girl staring intently at a ice cube in her hand The man asks the girl why she's staring at the ice cube and she responds, "I'm trying to figure out where it's leaking from."
  • Why was the blonde girl sitting on the roof? Someone told her drinks were on the house.
  • What sound does a blonde white girl make while meditating? "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?"
  • What do you get when you turn a blonde girl upside down? A brunette with bad breath
  • Whats the difference between a blond girl and an elevator? An elevator only fits 5 people in it.

Blond Hair Jokes

Here is a list of funny blond hair jokes and even better blond hair puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Mod Announcement: Due to complaints from our fair-haired readers, blonde jokes are no longer allowed... ...because they couldn't read them.
  • What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair black? Artificial intelligence.
  • What do you call several blonde hair blue-eyed men doing the 100 meter dash? The superior race
  • What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brown... Artifical intelligence.
  • What is a blonde with dyed brown hair? Artificial intelligence.
  • If a woman likes you, you can tell her real hair colour from how it feels. Blondes touch you hard, brunettes touch you fast, redheads touch you... Gingerly
  • Another blonde joke... SFW What do you call a blonde who dies her hair black?
    Artificial intelligence..
  • I was sleeping with two twins for while in my 20s.... My friends all asked, "how can you tell them apart?" I replied, "well...Sharon has long blonde hair, and Derek has a beard."
  • What did the Asian man say to his wife when the hospital nursery tried to send them home with a blonde hair, blue-eye baby? Hmmm... two Wongs don't make a white.
  • Ad in the local paper: 25 year old woman, very attractive, beautiful blonde hair, perfect measurements, intelligent, with good sense of humor and stable income - Selling dump truck.
Blond joke, Ad in the local paper:

Hair Blond Jokes

Here is a list of funny hair blond jokes and even better hair blond puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a skeleton with blonde hair in a closet? Last year's winner of the blonde "hide and go seek" contest
  • I used to have a friend with the most beautiful blonde hair I haven't seen them in so long and I really hope they didn't dye
  • What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair red? Artificial intelligence.
  • Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
  • I bleached my hair on my 18th birthday. "I guess now you're legally blonde," my dad chuckled.
  • Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a child with blonde hair and blue eyes? I guess two Wongs really do make a white.
  • why did the blonde use her hair dryer on the laptop? It was frozen
  • FINALLY! BLONDE MEN JOKES: A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers "Yes but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair and I just wet mine."
  • What do you call a blond with one strand of hair dyed black? A glimmer of hope
  • What do you call a blond-haired, blue-eyed guy who is well-endowed? A Hung-Ariyan.

Blond Haired Jokes

Here is a list of funny blond haired jokes and even better blond haired puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Blonde Jokes What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?
    artificial intelligence
    What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair red?
    Selling her soul for intelligence
  • How it is called when a blonde dyes her hair as brunette? Artificial intelligence
  • A dumb blonde wearing headphones walks into a hair salon...
  • So yesterday I told my wife that she would look better if her hair was blonde Apparently that's an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient
  • Where's the only place that blonde girls can have dark hair? Between their teeth.
  • Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm... Witherspoon?
    No, with a knife.
  • Why do some blondes dye their hair? To gain themselves some artificial intelligence.
  • How Do You Create Artificial Intelligence? Dye a blonde's hair.
  • What did the blonde do after she combed her hair? .. She pulled her pants up.
  • What did the midget say hugging the blonde's leg? Your hair smells nice
Blond joke, What did the midget say hugging the blonde's leg?

The Funniest Blond Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about blond you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean haired jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blond pranks.

A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in

The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are s**...?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're s**.... Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."

A blonde buys a gun.

A young blonde is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home early to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She pulls the gun from her purse and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

My favorite blond joke of all time...

So two blondes were analyzing some tracks. The first one insisted they were rabbit prints, while the second blond was certain they were made by a raccoon. Back and forth they argued, rabbit tracks, raccoon tracks, rabbit tracks. Then they got hit by a train.

A husband comes home to find his beautiful blonde wife sitting at the kitchen table in tears.

"What's wrong, dear?" He asks
Through her tears she says, "well, I've been trying to put this puzzle together all day and I just can't seem to figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger."
He looks at her and in his most sympathetic voice says, "sweetheart, put the frosted flakes back in the box."
Ba dum-tiss

A scientist is trying to prove that all blonds are s**...

so he holds an all blond convention and randomly picks someone from the crowd. First he asks her what two plus two is. She answers seven, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!". So this time he asks her what ten minus four is. She answers thirteen, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!". So this time he asks her what is five times five is. She answers twenty-five, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!".

Blonde walks into a...

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."

How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?

When she can't find her pencil and there is a t**... behind her ear.

Blondes At The Bus Stop.

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.
A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside, asking the driver - "will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head, "no, I'm sorry, it won't" he says.
The other blonde leans inside and asks, "how about me?"

A blonde walks into a drycleaners

and says 'good morning' to the elderly attendant and hands him a blouse. The man didn't hear too well and asked, "Come again"?
The blonde turned red and giggled. "No, just mayonnaise this time."

Why was the blonde nymphomaniac sad after she got her driver's license?

She got an F in s**....

A Blonde and Condoms

The most beautiful blonde woman you've ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the condoms. He decides to see if she needs any help. He says, "Did you find the extra large condoms?" She responds, "Yes, now I'm just waiting for someone to buy some."

There were 2 blondes...

So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".

My blonde girlfriend froze

In the middle of love making so I gave her an interrogative f**... expression. " oh..I saw this on youporn" she said," they call it bufferring".

Two Blondes are out on a hike....

....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

A blonde is pulled over by a police officer...

"May I see your License Ma'am?"


"You know you cops really need to get your act together... One day your buddy takes my license away, and the next you ask for it"

A blonde goes into a library.

She walks up to the head librarian's desk and says, "Hi! I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries, and a medium-sized Coke, please."
The librarian stares at her. "Miss, do you realize that this is a library?"
"Oh!" says the blonde. She lowers her voice to a whisper. "*I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries...*"

A blonde and a brunette are discussing the previous night out...

The brunette says, "Last night I slept with a Brazilian."
"Oh my god!" the blonde replies. "How many is THAT?"

Two Blondes

Two blondes meet up for coffee and one asks the other what she has been upto;
"I had s**... with two Brazilian guys last night"
"Wow - I've never even met that many guys" replied the other

A Blonde Takes a Test

The professor notices a blonde student flipping a coin as she answers the True/False questions. She finishes long before everyone else, and starts flipping the coin again, sometimes changing her answers.
When she brings her test to the front, the professor asks, "Why were you flipping that coin?"
She responds, "I was checking my answers."

2 blondes were walking along a beach when one said, "Look! A dead bird!"

The other looked up.

A blonde woman was trying to do a Jigsaw Puzzle

She got very frustrated that she struggling so she decided to ask her husband for help.
She said "Can you help me finish this puzzle, Its supposed to be a Bird"
Her husband replied "Put the Froot Loops back in the Cupboard"

A blond is driving to DisneyLand...

She sees a sign saying "DisneyLand left" so she turns around and drives home.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead lost in the desert...

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. p**...! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. p**...! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

A blonde is walking along the shoreline of a lake in Minnesota looking for seashells when she spots another blonde across the lake from her. Eager for company she shouts loudly "How do I get to the other side?"

The other blonde shouts back "You're on the other side!"

A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator...

And a short man with dandruff gets on and then comes off on the next floor.
The brunette goes, "Wow, that guy could really use some Head and Shoulders."
The blonde says, "How do you give shoulders?"
No offense anyone...hehe

A blind man walks into a bar

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"
The man said to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he's blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"
The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

Two Blondes meet up for coffee...

Two blondes meet up for coffee and one asks the other what she has been up to.
"I had s**... with two Brazilian guys last night", she said.
"Wow - I've never even met that many guys" replied the other.

A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river...

The brunette yells across, "Help me get to the other side of the river!"
The blonde yells back, "You *are* on the other side of the river!"

A blonde was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriends dandruff problem...

The redhead says "why don't you give him head and shoulders."
The blonde replies "how do you give shoulders?"

A blonde woman walks into a library

A blonde woman walks into a library and talks to the lady at the front desk and says " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."
The lady replies "Ma'am, this is a library."
The blonde looks around, then whispers " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."
(Credit goes to my dad for this one. He had another one that I can't remember but once I do I'm coming back to post it)

A blonde is putting together a puzzle. She is very frustrated and asks her husband for help.

"It's supposed to be a tiger!" she cries.
"Honey," says her husband wearily, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners...

A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners. On the way out of the door the lady at the counter says come again. The blonde says no, its toothpaste this time.

Two blondes are on either sides of a river.

The 1st blonde yells to the other, "How do I get to the other side?!".
The 2nd blonde thinks for a moment and then yells back, "You're already on the other side!"

A Blond goes to work in tears.

A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, "What's wrong?"
She says, "My mom died."
He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine."
Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?"
She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"

Two blondes were on their way to Disneyland

... and came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.

A blonde goes to the dry cleaners.

She tells the attendant that she needs to have her dress cleaned.
However, the attendant wasn't paying attention. Snapping out of his day dream, he asked, "Come again?"
Giggling, the blonde replied, "No, just mustard this time."

A Blonde Tries To Solve A

A blonde has been working on her new puzzle for a couple days now but can't seem to get it right. One day, her husband comes home to his wife crying at the kitchen table. He rushes over and asks his wife why she was crying, and she replies "I've been working on the puzzle forever but can't figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger." The husband shakes his head and says "honey put the Frosted Flakes back in the box"

Another blonde joke

A professor told his class:
"Fame will come to you only after you succeed!"
A blonde asked, "Who is 'Seed'?"

Four blonds walk into a bar...

...cheering "85 Days! 85 Days!"
A gentleman inquires "Excuse me, but what's '85 days?'"
The blonds reply "We completed a puzzle in 85 days and the box says 2-4 years!"

A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian "CAN I GET A BIG MAC FRIES AND A COKE?!!" The librarian says "excuse me miss.....this is a library."

The blonde says...."oh im sorry (whispers) can i get a big mac fries and a coke?"

A blonde tried to commit s**...

Police found six bullet holes in her mirror.

Three blondes found some tracks...

The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"
The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"
And that was when the train hit them.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on an island

The redhead tries to swim back to land, gets a quarter of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.
The brunette decides to try, swims a third of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.
Finally the blonde tries, swims half of the way there, gets tired, swims back.

Two blondes fall down a well

One says to the other ones, "isn't it dark down here" she replies, I don't know I can't see

Some blondes are in a car on their way to Disneyland.

When they see a sign at an intersection.
"Disneyland left" ←
so they went back home.

Two blondes are locked out of their car...

The first blonde is trying to unlock the car using a coat hanger. The second says to the first "hurry up! It looks like it's going to rain and the top's down!"

A blonde crashes a helicopter...

A police officer drives by and exclaims, "What happened!?". She says, "It was getting cold so I turned off the fan".

Blonde gets caught speeding.

The cop is also a blonde.
Cop: Let me see your driver's license.
Driver: What's that?
Cop: A square thing with your picture on it.
Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.
Cop looks at it, hands it back and says,
I'm gonna let you go without a ticket. I didn't know you were a cop.
(

Two blondes get stuck in elevator

One of them starts yelling: HELP, HEEEELP
The other one then suggests: Maybe we should start yelling together
The first blonde starts yelling again: TOGETHER, TOGETHEEEEER

A blonde is working on a puzzle...

She calls her husband over and says, "This is the hardest jigsaw puzzle I've ever seen in my whole life!"
The husband responds, "What do you mean, honey?"
She says, "Well there's a picture of a tiger on the box, but looking at all these pieces, I don't see how in the world this is going to ever make picture of a tiger."
The husband says, "That's alright honey, let's just put all the cereal back in the box."

Two blondes meet on a village road.

One of the blondes was carrying a large gunny bag over her shoulder.
'Hey there,' hailed second blonde, 'what is in the bag?'
'Chickens,' came the reply.
'If I guess how many, can I have one?'
'You can have both of them.'
'OK.. five?' Said the second blonde.

Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.

The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.

Two blondes are going to Disney Land

At the turn off, they see a sign saying "Disneyland left"
They went home crying.

A Blonde Crashes a helicopter

A passerby jumps out and rushes up to her and exclaims,"What happened!?". She explains,"It got cold so I turned off the fan".

A blonde stands on the bank of a river

There is no bridge in sight. She sees another blonde across the river and shouts:
How do I get to the other side of the river?!
The other blonde shouts back:
Why? You already are on the other side!

Two blondes were walking through the park digging holes and filling them up again.

One of them would dig the holes, and the other would fill them up. One man couldn't control his curiosity and asked the blondes why they were digging and filling holes pointlessly, to which one replied:
"Well, there was supposed to be another one of us planting saplings before we fill the holes, but she couldn't come so we'll have to make do without her."

A blonde and her husband are watching the news...

News: A Brazilian man died while skydiving when his parachute didn't open.
The blonde bursts into tears
Husband (comforting her): I know it's sad, but people need to know that there's a risk while skydiving.
Blonde: But that's a lot of people. How many is a Brazilian?

A blonde...

...works in a petrol station filling up cars. One day, a spaceship with 'UFO' written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flied off.
The blonde's boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.
"Do you know what 'UFO' stands for?" He asks.
"Of course." She replies, "Unleaded Fuel Only".
credits to u/Mr-Everest

Another blonde joke

Boyfriend is driving down the street with his (blonde) girlfriend in the passenger seat. The boyfriend becomes concerned the turn signals are not working, so he asks his girlfriend to poke her head out the passenger side window to see if the right turn signal is functioning. She replies, "it's working, it's not working, it's working.."

A blonde and a brunette got stuck in an elevator..

Blonde starts shouting: "HELP! HELP!"
Brunette turns to her and says: "We should shout together."
Blonde: "TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"

A blonde walks into a library (*not the whole joke)

She says to the librarian "Hiiii, I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."
The librarian says, "Lady, this is a library!"
Embarrassed, the blonde apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."

Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

Two Blondes....

Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.
1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?"
2nd blonde: "Chickens."
1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I have one of them?"
2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this bag, you can have BOTH of them!!"
1st blonde: "Well, I think you've got three."

A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book s**...! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!"

The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"

How do you know a blonde has been trying to commit s**...?

There are bullet holes in the mirror.

Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?

She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.
Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.

A blonde was driving on the way to disneyland.

She came to an intersection and stopped, she saw a sign that read, 'Disneyland Left'. So she pulled a U-turn, cried and drove home.

A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde

The police officer asks the blonde, "Can I see you license and registration, please?". The blonde then asked, "What is that?", the police officer says, "That thing with your face on it", the blonde then pulls a mirror out of her purse, and hands it to the police officer. The police officer then says, "Oh, my bad, if I knew you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over."

A blonde and a brunette are talking about their boyfriends' dandruff problems

The brunette says, my boyfriend used to have dandruff, but I gave him Head and Shoulders and it went away in a few days
The blonde thinks for a minute and then replies, how do you give shoulders?

Why did the blonde woman have bruises on her belly button?

Because blonde men are s**... too.

Blond joke, Why did the blonde woman have bruises on her belly button?

jokes about blond