Blinded Eye Jokes
106 blinded eye jokes and hilarious blinded eye puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blinded eye that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Blinded Eye Short Jokes
Short blinded eye jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blinded eye humour may include short blindness jokes also.
- Blind man in a motorboat accident. I once saw a Blind man and asked him how he went blind. He said "I lost my eyes in a motorboating accident. She didn't tell me that they were pierced."
- A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He picks it up by the tail and starts swinging it around his head What are you doing?! shouts the barman.
Just having a look around - A blind girl lost her pencil, her ring, and her dog, what did she lose first? Her eye sight
- Did you hear about the doctor that ignored an eye infection and went blind? He examined himself, but couldn't see anything wrong.
- My friend Ray just passed away :( He was on the donar list. Apparently they used his eyes to give some poor blind sod his eye sight back.
Its a miracle really, now he's got ex Ray vision - Dad: I have a lot of blind deer on my property. Son: Really? How do you know they're blind?
Dad: Well, I have no eyed deer. - My doctor told me that if I didn't change my ways, I'd be blind forever. It was a really eye-opening moment.
- Whats the difference between love and marriage? Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener!
- I accidentally stabbed my teacher in the face with a pencil. I thought I would be in big trouble, but she turned a blind eye.
- Do you know why New Zealand has banned blind people from bungee jumping? It kept scaring the life out of the seeing eye dogs.
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Blinded Eye One Liners
Which blinded eye one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blinded eye? I can suggest the ones about closed eye and blind spot.
- Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
- Why can't two blind people get along? They can't see eye to eye.
- An eye for an eye makes the world go blind But at least we'll hear each other out.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind, probably.
- What has six eyes but can't see? Three blind mice.
- What does a blind man use to ski? A skiing eye dog
- Billy: What do you call a blind buck? Barry: No eye deer.
- Why are Blind teachers so good at their job? They can do it with their eyes closed.
- What is the first thing a blind man says? My eyes! My eyes!
- Why can't blind people regain their vision? Because they can't see the eye doctor
- How did the blind man pass the eye exam? He just kept walking
- Why did the blind couple get divorced? They couldn't see eye to eye
- Me and my blind friend got into an argument... Needless to say we didn't see Eye to eye
- My last blind date: There was "Yes, yes" in her eyes... But no nose on her face.
- You know what else has 8 legs and no eyes ...
A blind spider.
Howlingly Hilarious Blinded Eye Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about blinded eye you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean one eye jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blinded eye pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
"If we don't change the direction we're going, we're likely to end up at the wrong end.
"
"People who go out of their way to help others have great taste."
"An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind, but not hungry."
"Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed at another morgue."
"A journey of a hundred trillion cells begins with a single nibble."
"The only difference between a big shot and a little shot is that the big shot takes longer to chew."
"It's all right to have little butterflies in your stomach. In fact, I'd say a trip to the elementary school play is a wonderful idea."
"You don't know what your appetite can get away with until you try. Or are tried."
"If you carry your childhood with you, you should probably go the bathroom soon."
"Never keep up with Joneses. Have them over for dinner."
"Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a very startled swimmer."
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get underway.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.
Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle.
The copilot is using a guide dog.
Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke.
After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness.
They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking.
Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once.
At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"
What did he blind man do for three hours after losing he's seeing-eye-dog?
He played Barko Polo.
Little Billy had been blind since birth...
...and one night his mom tells him "If you pray extra hard tonight God will allow you see in the morning."
So little Billy prayed his heart out before going to sleep that night. The next morning he opened his eyes and to his surprise he screamed out.
"Mommy I still can't see!"
"I know son, April fools."
A blind man was out for a walk in a new neighborhood.
As it sometimes happens with blind people, he realized he'd taken a wrong turn. Trying to remain calm, he stepped off of the sidewalk and, discovering a change in temperature, took refuge under a nearby tree so that he might mentally retrace his steps. Inclining his face toward a perceived higher power, he muttered, "I just need a sign. A cyclist, a car, something to get me back on track." Taking a deep breath, he made for the sidewalk, his cane carving a path before him. But on the off swing, he missed a sign standing at the sidewalk's edge and smacked into it with his shoulder. Puzzled, he reached out to see what sort of obstacle he had encountered and, upon discovering what it was, rolled his eyes heavenward and said, "I didn't mean that kind of sign!"
A beautiful woman walks into a church ...
...and is going down the aisle. Everyone in the church, the minister included, stops to turn and watch her take a seat in the front row.
Just as she is about to sit down, the woman trips and her dress flies up! The minister immediately covers his eyes and says, "May the Lord strike blind any man who looks upon that woman!" A few seconds pass, and one of the men in the congregation begins to uncover his left eye and says to himself, "Maybe I could give up just one..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter
Pirate Captain is strutten through the club a patch on each eye a puffy shirt and a stuffed toy kitten hanging from his ear. o**... nudges his mate and says "check ouwt this faggort Dwayne".
Pirate Captain turns and shouts "OI!!! I MAY BE BLIND BUT I HAVE ACUTE EARING"
It's an eye
The doctor walks into the room to tell the parents the news about their newborn.
Doctor says, "I have bad news for you."
The mother asks, "What is it?"
The doctor says, "Your newborn is an eye."
The parents are mystified & ask him, "What what do you mean?"
Doctor replies, "It is an eye. No arms, legs, body or anything else. Just an eye."
"Oh gosh," said the father. "What could be possibly worse?'
The doctor replies, "It is Blind."
A man and his blind dog
An old, retired coach is walking his blind dog and a couple walk by and ask to pet the dog, They inquire about the dog's name and he replies, "Timothy."
"What a strange name for a dog," the lady exclaimed.
The coach, without skipping a beat replied, "Well, there's no 'eye' in Tim"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... doesn't make you go blind.
It gives you a red eye.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... and m**... are at a job interview for a labourer by a builder
p**... goes first and is asked, "If you lost an eye, what would you be?"
He answers, "Half blind."
Then he was asked, "What would you be if you lost both eyes?"
He answers, "Blind."...
Builder says, "Great, you got the job - send m**... in."
m**... over heard the interview and thinks, "Great, I'll just give the same answers."
The builder asks, "If you lost an ear, what would you be?"
m**... says, "Half blind."
Then was asked, "What about if you lost both ears?"
m**... says, "Blind."
The builder, a bit puzzled, asked, "How would that be?"
m**... says, "My hat would slip down!!..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Saw Marshawn l**... at the eye clinic a few days ago.
He told me he was just there so he won't get blind.
The blind soccer world cup...
... where there's no 'eye' in 'team'
Caitlin Jenner Accused of Manslaughter... An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind?
I dated a blind girl but it didn't work out
We could never see eye to eye about her weight gaining
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a venetian blind?
Poke his eyes out
Credits go to my 90 year old grandfather, currently completing his PhD
Why did the blind man swing his seeing eye dog around by the tail?
He was taking a look around
A newly blinded man is brought is for emergency care
The doctor checks the documents, sees eye trauma, then asks the patients to describe the problem?
Patient: You see , cause I sure don't.
What has one eye but can't see?
A blind man...
I'll show myself out...
TO SEE YOU BACK NEXT WEEK!!
A blind man walks in to a department store
A blind man walks in to a department store with his seeing eye dog on a leash.
As usual the store manager behind the customer service counter looks up, but he notices the customer is blind, and not wanting to stare quickly looks away again.
Out of the corner of his eye the manager sees the blind man start swinging the dog over his head with its leash.
Shocked, the manager runs over and says "Mister is there a problem - is there anything I can help you with?"
The blind man calmly replies "No thanks - I'm just looking around."
Went to glasses shop to check my eyes,the worker told me I had estigmatism,I googled it....
Because I was blind on the subject.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Can you spare just $2.00?
Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in Namibia in Africa. He has only one leg, and is blind in one eye. Every day he goes seven miles along a narrow road on his rusty bike with no brakes to get to school. If you can send just $2.00 . . . We'll send you the video! It's hilarious!
I had an argument with a blind person just now
We didn't really see eye to eye on the matter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man asks Jesus to heal him
"Behold. I will heal your blindness," Jesus says, "and thy m**... shall cease."
"Is m**... a sin? Is it the cause of my blindness?" asks the old man.
Jesus replied, "No, m**... is not a sin, but I'm tryiing to do an eye exam here."
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date.
Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him on the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
When I go out with a girl I always look in her eyes
If she is not blind, I already know that I have no chance with her.
I no longer saw the point in swordfighting....
I no longer saw the point in swordfighting after it blinded both my eyes.
A man sadly became blind.
The doctor said "Conventional medicine offered no cure, BUT! I believe I can cure you by replacing your eyes with cheese!
The man gasped in horror, but was convinced he had no other option, so he said yes.
After the operation, the man opened his eyes. The doctor asked "How's your vision now?" The man answered "Not perfect, but gouda'nough!"
A man locks eyes with a woman...
Now they're blind.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man and his mistress.
A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.
After bathing, she came out n**..., spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home?
He replied, Yes, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'll take my chances
A Sunday church service was coming to an end. This gorgeous blonde girl started to make her way out to get ahead of the crowd.
As she was walking down the stairs, her dress got caught on the corner of a railing and was instantly pulled off. She was stark n**... in the middle of the church.
The pastor looked down immediately, talking into the mic. He said "Nobody look. If anyone looks, so help me God, the Lord will blind you."
The guy next to me put his hand over half of his face and said, "I think I'll take my chances with one eye."
What did the blind rabbit say to the deer?
I have no eye, deer!
Did you guys hear the kid from the 6th sense is blind in one eye!
He's got not death perception.
What is Bran Stark's least favorite music band?
Third Eye Blind. ^^I'll ^^show ^^myself ^^out
I made this joke up when I was falling asleep!
What do you call a blind optometrist?
"Eye-rony" !!!!
Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night.
"My mate came off his motorbike today," he said.
"Oh really?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied. "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is completely blind in one eye."
"Blimey," I said. "No wonder he came off it then."
I forgot to wear pants at the blind convention yesterday...
No one blinked an eye
I don't know why blind people say we don't know what it feels like
I mean I close my eyes for 8 hours everyday.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The King and Queen get a Puppy
After the whole donkey episode, the King and Queen decide to stick to dogs, and get a dachshund. Barely a month old, the puppy was given to the couple after being abandoned by its mother, the only one of the litter to survive.
Night after night, the court physicians and veterinarians watched the dog, the Queen herself often feeding the blind, half-starved animal with an eye dropper.
One morning, after worrying all night, the King and Queen shed tears of joy when the little animal struggled out of his bed and took his first steps.
The next day's headline:
"Royal w**... Stands Up for First Time; King and Queen Jubilant but Tired"
Uncle John is burning through his bucket list.
Uncle John's health has been declining and he's trying to get his bucket list done.
He goes skydiving with a tandem team and has a great time.
After sticking the landing he's being debriefed by the jump master.
Ok great jump John but what was with the screaming all the way down?
John say's, well I'm blind.
Why would you scream just cause you're blind?
Oh no it wasn't me....Maybe I should have left the seeing eye dog on the plane.
Paula's eye exam results showed that she was almost blind, but her optometrist decided to prank her by telling her vision was perfect.
Paula did not see that one coming.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blind people not only can do everything people with vision can do
But they can do it with their eyes closed too
A guy sits next to a blind man in a bar.
"have you always been blind" he asked.
"oh no, i had a really bad fever one day. It was so bad that you could cook eggs on my forehead."
"So the fever made you go blind?"
"no the eggs went into my eyes."
After a long and painful relationship, I finally had to break up with my blind girlfriend...
We didn't really see eye to eye
A blind man was walking downtown and he stumbled upon the fish market.....
As he enters the market with his seeing eye dog all of a sudden he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.
The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are
you doing?!!"
The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
Misquoted history
"Experience without theory is blind, and so is the guy who I shot through the eye with an arrow."
- Genghis Khant
The Oxymoron poem
Ladies and Gentlemen; hobos and Tramps; bug eyed mosquitos and legged ants: I come here before you to stand behind you to tell you a story I know nothing of.
One cold dark day in the middle of the night two dead boys stood up to fight, back to back they face each other, drew their swords and shot each-other! The deaf policeman heard this noise and came and killed those two dead boys.
Now if you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it to.
I had an appointment with my eye doctor cause I thought I was going blind.
Something came up so I couldn't see him today.
There's a bottle full of methanol in a chemistry lab...
...there's a note attached to it: "don't drink it, or else you will go blind."
The next day, the bottle is half empty and someone added to the note: "I will risk one eye."
Did you hear about the gynecologist that looked up his old girlfriend?
He was blinded by the gorgon's eye.
Did you see the story about the women that was blinded at the Ryder Cup?
She went to see the golf with her own eyes....and then got a hole-in-one
I used to sell drugs to kids at the school for the visually impaired until I was caught...
Luckily they turned a blind eye.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"m**... can make you go blind, son."
"Well, yes," I replied, "if you do it with your eyes closed."
I was told in the next Star Wars movie, a villain would blind an innocent little bird.
Porg eye.
How to Cure to blindness?
Just tell them eyes to see and you'll have 20/20 vision right away 🙃
I decided to try out a blind date
and been standing here outside the restaurant for an hour with my eyes covered, I don't think she's coming
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a person is sueing a product for blinding him/her in one of their eyes, they should win double the amount
Because they are not gonna be able to see half of it anyway.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three nuns were getting ready for bed,
Changing out of their robes and into nightgowns.
Halfway through undress, breast bare, they hear a knock on the door.
"Who is it?" calls the first nun.
"I'm the blind guy!"
The second nuns asks, "You're a blind guy?"
"Yes, I'm the blind guy!"
The third nun, thinking there's no harm in letting a blind guy come in while everyone was half n**... opens the door and allows the man in.
The man, eyes wide and with a surprised look says, "Wow, nice t**..., sisters!"
All three nuns, astonished and embarrassed quickly try to cover themselves up.
"You said you were a blind guy!" The first nun exclaims.
"Yah," he says. "I'm here to install your blinds."
A guy who is blind in his left eye and a guy who is blind in his right eye decide to team up.
After they combine forces, they realize they weren't specific enough.
Guy number 1 turns to guy number 2 and says "Didn't see that coming."