Blinded Eye Jokes
106 blinded eye jokes and hilarious blinded eye puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blinded eye that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Blinded Eye Short Jokes
Short blinded eye jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blinded eye humour may include short blindness jokes also.
- Blind man in a motorboat accident. I once saw a Blind man and asked him how he went blind. He said "I lost my eyes in a motorboating accident. She didn't tell me that they were pierced."
- A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He picks it up by the tail and starts swinging it around his head What are you doing?! shouts the barman.
Just having a look around - A blind girl lost her pencil, her ring, and her dog, what did she lose first? Her eye sight
- Did you hear about the doctor that ignored an eye infection and went blind? He examined himself, but couldn't see anything wrong.
- Did you hear about the doctor that ignored an eye infection and went blind? He examined himself, but couldn't see anything wrong.
- My friend Ray just passed away :( He was on the donar list. Apparently they used his eyes to give some poor blind sod his eye sight back.
Its a miracle really, now he's got ex Ray vision - Dad: I have a lot of blind deer on my property. Son: Really? How do you know they're blind?
Dad: Well, I have no eyed deer. - If a person is sueing a product for blinding him/her in one of their eyes, they should win double the amount Because they are not gonna be able to see half of it anyway.
- My doctor told me that if I didn't change my ways, I'd be blind forever. It was a really eye-opening moment.
- Whats the difference between love and marriage? Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener!
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Blinded Eye One Liners
Which blinded eye one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blinded eye? I can suggest the ones about closed eye and blind spot.
- Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
- Why can't two blind people get along? They can't see eye to eye.
- What do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind
- An eye for an eye makes the world go blind But at least we'll hear each other out.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind, probably.
- What has six eyes but can't see? Three blind mice.
- What does a blind man use to ski? A skiing eye dog
- Billy: What do you call a blind buck? Barry: No eye deer.
- Why are Blind teachers so good at their job? They can do it with their eyes closed.
- What has 6 eyes but cant see? 3 blind mice.
- How do you call a blind deer? Because I've got no-eye-deer.
- What is the first thing a blind man says? My eyes! My eyes!
- Why can't blind people regain their vision? Because they can't see the eye doctor
- I just broke up with my blind girlfriend. We just didn't see eye to eye anymore.
- How did the blind man pass the eye exam? He just kept walking
Howlingly Hilarious Blinded Eye Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about blinded eye you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean one eye jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blinded eye pranks.
So a guy walks into the doctors office...
...and says, "Doc, you gotta help me, I woke up this morning and my left eye was blind!"
"Alright," says the Doctor, "have a seat and I'll check you out."
The doctor looks him in the eye, and after a second says "Well, you're going to have to stop m**... for a little while."
"Why?" asks the man.
"Because I'm trying to give you an eye exam."
What did he blind man do for three hours after losing he's seeing-eye-dog?
He played Barko Polo.
A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog.
He then picks up the dog by it's tail and spins it around over his head. The bartender exclaims "What on earth are you doing?!" The blind man replies "Oh, I'm just looking around."
Little Billy had been blind since birth...
...and one night his mom tells him "If you pray extra hard tonight God will allow you see in the morning."
So little Billy prayed his heart out before going to sleep that night. The next morning he opened his eyes and to his surprise he screamed out.
"Mommy I still can't see!"
"I know son, April fools."
So a man was going blind.
He goes to the the doctor and pleads,
"Doctor you have to help, I think I'm going blind!"
the doctor leans in with his little flashlight and says,
"Mmhm, I'm going to need you to stop m**...."
the man cries out,
"But why??"
the doctor simply says,
"Because I'm trying to give you an eye exam."
Blind Man
A blind man walks into a department store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden he starts swinging the dog around in the air by its leash.
One of the store clerks run up to him and yells, "What are you doing!?"
The blind man replies," I'm just taking a look around."
A blind man walks into a department store...
He takes the leash of his seeing-eye dog and starts swinging the poor dog around above his head.
"Um... Sir? Can I help you?" asks the salesperson.
"No thanks," replies the blind man. "I'm just looking around."
A blind man walks into a store
all of a sudden he grabs his guide dog (seeing eye dog) by the lead and starts swinging it round his head. Horrified a store clerk runs over and says "sir what are you doing?" The blind man replies "just having a look a round" :)
A blind man walks into Walmart...
A blind man walks into Walmart with his seeing-eye dog and makes his way to the center of the store.
Suddenly, the man picks up his dog and , like a lasso, begins to hurl the dog around over his head by its leash.
The manager, quite confused and a little concered for the dog flying around in the air, quickly runs over to the blind man.
"Sir! Is there something I can help you with?"
"Nope, just looking around."
It's an eye
The doctor walks into the room to tell the parents the news about their newborn.
Doctor says, "I have bad news for you."
The mother asks, "What is it?"
The doctor says, "Your newborn is an eye."
The parents are mystified & ask him, "What what do you mean?"
Doctor replies, "It is an eye. No arms, legs, body or anything else. Just an eye."
"Oh gosh," said the father. "What could be possibly worse?'
The doctor replies, "It is Blind."
I was blind for a while after eye surgery.
Those were dark times.
A man and his blind dog
An old, retired coach is walking his blind dog and a couple walk by and ask to pet the dog, They inquire about the dog's name and he replies, "Timothy."
"What a strange name for a dog," the lady exclaimed.
The coach, without skipping a beat replied, "Well, there's no 'eye' in Tim"
A blind man walks into a bar
A blind man walks into a bar, lead by his seeing-eye dog. He stops in the middle of the bar, picks the dog up, places it on his shoulders and proceeds to spin in circles. The bartender asks the man, "Hey fella, why are you spinning around with your dog like that, huh?" The blind man stops and says, "Oh, I'm just looking around."
Saw Marshawn l**... at the eye clinic a few days ago.
He told me he was just there so he won't get blind.
A guy goes to see his eye doctor, who tells him, "You've got to stop m**...."
"Why? Am I going blind?" The guy asks.
"No," says the eye doctor, "but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."
A guy goes skydiving...
and there's a blind guy on the plane going up with him. The blind guy has a seeing eye dog with him and a really really long leash. As they're going up the guy asks him, "Why bring the dog with you?"
The blind guys says, "He jumps first to let me know when to pull my c**...."
"How does he do that?" the man asked.
"The leash goes slack"
Why did the blind couple get divorced?
They couldn't see eye to eye
A blind man walks into a bookstore with his seeing eye dog...
He picks the dog by the tail and starts swinging him around.
A clerk sees this and asks,"Sir may I help you?"
"No thanks, we're just looking around."
How do you make a venetian blind?
Poke his eyes out
Credits go to my 90 year old grandfather, currently completing his PhD
Why are so many blind people religious?
Because they just won't open their eyes!
Why did the blind man swing his seeing eye dog around by the tail?
He was taking a look around
Went to glasses shop to check my eyes,the worker told me I had estigmatism,I googled it....
Because I was blind on the subject.
Can you spare just $2.00?
Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in Namibia in Africa. He has only one leg, and is blind in one eye. Every day he goes seven miles along a narrow road on his rusty bike with no brakes to get to school. If you can send just $2.00 . . . We'll send you the video! It's hilarious!
A blind guy walks into a store...
and starts swinging his seeing eye dog around his head. An employee comes over and nervously asks if he can help. The blind guy replies "No thanks. I'm just looking around.
A blind man asks Jesus to heal him
"Behold. I will heal your blindness," Jesus says, "and thy m**... shall cease."
"Is m**... a sin? Is it the cause of my blindness?" asks the old man.
Jesus replied, "No, m**... is not a sin, but I'm tryiing to do an eye exam here."
A blind guy walks into a bar...
Bartender: "What can I get you?"
Blind guy: "I'll take a coke."
Bartender: "Ice or no ice?"
Blind guy: "No eyes...I'm blind you idiot!"
A blind man goes into a department store.
A blind man goes into a department store with his seeing eye dog. He walks it to the middle of the store and starts swinging the dog in the air by his leash over his head. Alarmed, the manager of the store runs over to the man and asks, "Excuse me sir, can I help you with something?" "No thanks, I'm just looking around."
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date.
Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him on the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
A man sadly became blind.
The doctor said "Conventional medicine offered no cure, BUT! I believe I can cure you by replacing your eyes with cheese!
The man gasped in horror, but was convinced he had no other option, so he said yes.
After the operation, the man opened his eyes. The doctor asked "How's your vision now?" The man answered "Not perfect, but gouda'nough!"
A blind man and his mistress.
A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.
After bathing, she came out n**..., spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home?
He replied, Yes, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now.
Do you know why New Zealand has banned blind people from bungee jumping?
It kept scaring the life out of the seeing eye dogs.
What is Bran Stark's least favorite music band?
Third Eye Blind. ^^I'll ^^show ^^myself ^^out
I visited my eye doctor the other day for an eye test.
Found out I was color blind, it was completely out of the purple. Devastated.
I made this joke up when I was falling asleep!
What do you call a blind optometrist?
"Eye-rony" !!!!
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked.
"You need to stop m**... so much," the optometrist says.
"Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?"
The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night.
"My mate came off his motorbike today," he said.
"Oh really?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied. "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is completely blind in one eye."
"Blimey," I said. "No wonder he came off it then."
A blind guy walks into a store with a seeing-eye dog.
All of a sudden he grabs the dog by the tail and start spinning it around over his head. Horrified, a shopkeeper rushes over to him and says sir, sir are you OK?
The blind guy says sure, I'm just looking around.
I don't know why blind people say we don't know what it feels like
I mean I close my eyes for 8 hours everyday.
There was a boy born without any eyelids
And it caused him terrible discomfort and to make matters worse, the doctors feared he would inevitably go blind one day.
Then one doctor came up with an ingenious solution. He planned to circumcise the boy and use his f**... to make new eyelids for him.
After a lengthy procedure, the surgery was a success and now the boy has two fully functioning eyelids.
The doctor says the boy is doing fine, he's just a little c**...-eyed
I accidentally stabbed my teacher in the face with a pencil.
I thought I would be in big trouble, but she turned a blind eye.
Uncle John is burning through his bucket list.
Uncle John's health has been declining and he's trying to get his bucket list done.
He goes skydiving with a tandem team and has a great time.
After sticking the landing he's being debriefed by the jump master.
Ok great jump John but what was with the screaming all the way down?
John say's, well I'm blind.
Why would you scream just cause you're blind?
Oh no it wasn't me....Maybe I should have left the seeing eye dog on the plane.
What is a fish with no eyes?
Blind
A guy sits next to a blind man in a bar.
"have you always been blind" he asked.
"oh no, i had a really bad fever one day. It was so bad that you could cook eggs on my forehead."
"So the fever made you go blind?"
"no the eggs went into my eyes."
After a long and painful relationship, I finally had to break up with my blind girlfriend...
We didn't really see eye to eye
A blind man was walking downtown and he stumbled upon the fish market.....
As he enters the market with his seeing eye dog all of a sudden he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.
The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are
you doing?!!"
The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
The Oxymoron poem
Ladies and Gentlemen; hobos and Tramps; bug eyed mosquitos and legged ants: I come here before you to stand behind you to tell you a story I know nothing of.
One cold dark day in the middle of the night two dead boys stood up to fight, back to back they face each other, drew their swords and shot each-other! The deaf policeman heard this noise and came and killed those two dead boys.
Now if you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it to.
I had an appointment with my eye doctor cause I thought I was going blind.
Something came up so I couldn't see him today.
A blind man with a seeing eye dog, walks in to a bar
He picks the dog up by the tail and swings it around the room. When the bartender asks why, the man responds, "I was just taking a look around."
There's a bottle full of methanol in a chemistry lab...
...there's a note attached to it: "don't drink it, or else you will go blind."
The next day, the bottle is half empty and someone added to the note: "I will risk one eye."
I went to get an eye exam...
The optometrist told me to stop m**....
I asked, Why, does it really cause blindness?
He said, No, it's just really an unprofessional thing to be doing right now.
"You need to stop m**... so much!"
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked.
"You need to stop m**... so much," the optometrist says.
"Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?"
The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
What do you call a blind cervine?
No eye deer
Me and my blind friend got into an argument...
Needless to say we didn't see Eye to eye
I decided to try out a blind date
and been standing here outside the restaurant for an hour with my eyes covered, I don't think she's coming
What do you call a fish with no eye
A blind fish
A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing eye dog...
He then grabs the dog by the tail and starts swinging it around his head.
Bartender: Whoa, Whoa man! What the h**... are you doing?!!
Blind guy: Relax, I'm just taking a look around.
A blind man walks into a convenient store with his seeing-eye dog
And he's walking around when all of the sudden, he picks his dog up by the leash and starts swinging it around, knocking everything over.
The cashier runs over and starts yelling
"Sir! Sir! What the h**... are you doing!?"
The blind guy puts his dog down and says
"Oh, I'm just looking around."
A guy who is blind in his left eye and a guy who is blind in his right eye decide to team up.
After they combine forces, they realize they weren't specific enough.
Guy number 1 turns to guy number 2 and says "Didn't see that coming."
I heard that Gotye used to give o**... s**... to a police officer so he'd turn a blind eye to his crimes.
The officer eventually arrested him, despite this. Now he's just some Bobby that he used to blow.
A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store.
The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.
The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something."
The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."
The healing river
People heard about a healing river and the stories about its powers and so they gathered to see it with their own eyes. A lady with a sick child in her arms goes into the water on one shore and comes out at the other, the child now smiling and completely healthy. A blind man goes in and comes out seeing. Everybody is stunned. Another guy in a wheelchair goes in on one shore and comes out at the other with new rims.