Blind People Jokes
126 blind people jokes and hilarious blind people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blind people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Blind People Short Jokes
Short blind people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blind people humour may include short blind man jokes also.
- Why aren't color blind people allowed to join the police force? They wouldn't know who to shoot
- Today, I saw 2 blind people fighting Then I shouted: "I'm supporting the one with the knife", they both ran away.
- I saw two blind people fighting... and I shouted, "I'm rooting for the one with the knife!" They both ran away.
- Today I saw two blind people fighting... Today I saw two blind people fighting... Then I shouted, "I'm rooting for the one with a knife!" They both ran away.
- Saw two blind people fighting today. I said, "I think that the guy with the knife will win!" They both ran away.
- A tasteless joke. People who can't hear are called deaf.
People who can't see are called blind.
People who can't talk are called mute.
What do you call people that can't taste food?
Ethiopian - How do you stop a fight between 2 blind people? You scream: I bet 10 dollars on the guy with the knife!
- How do blind people know where to find Braille signs on walls and doors? They just have a feel for that kind of thing.
- Today my son told me he wanted to go help blind people after school... The verb, not the adjective.
- TIL people who are color blind have the highest rates of divorce. They can't see the red flags.
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Blind People One Liners
Which blind people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blind people? I can suggest the ones about blind deaf and blind guy.
- What is it about being blind... ...that makes people want to walk their dog so much?
- Why do the French stink? So blind people can hate them too
- What's the worst way to break up with a blind person? I think we should see other people
- I love dating blind girls You don't have to worry about them seeing other people.
- If a blind couple breaks up... would they start hearing other people?
- Why are blind people bad at programming? Because they can't C
- Why don't blind people sharpen pencils? They don't see the point.
- You've got to hand it blind people
- I help blind people Verb, not adjective
- Why are blind people bad at math? Because they lack da-vision.
- Why don't blind people like to skydive? It scares their dog
- I took a blind taste test today Turns out they taste just like regular people
- Why do blind people get so offended by every joke? It's all dark humour.
- I like to help blind people. The verb, not the noun.
- Where do blind people go to get cured? To the ICU.
Delightful Fun Blind People Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about blind people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean deaf people jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blind people pranks.
So people are loading into an airplane
And the pilot of this airplane is blind. At the end of the take off s**... is a huge lake. All the people on the plane are relaxing reading books and talking to each other as the airplane starts to roll down the s**.... A few people see that they are heading towards a lake but they assume the pilot knows what he's doing. The airplane is going dangerously close to the lake and the plane is still not taking off, at this point people are starting panic. The plane is still not taking off and it's way too close to the lake. At this point everyone on the plane is screaming and yelling because the plane is about to plunge into the lake at the end of the s**.... The plane is about 10 feet away from the lake then it lifts off the ground and takes off. The passengers calm down slowly and return to reading and talking . In the front of the plane the pilot laughs to himself and mumbles "one of these days the passengers won't scream and we'll all die."
What do blind people think of a basketball?
It's a never ending story.
A blind man walks into a bar and asks, "You all wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The female bartender responds, "Let me stop you right there. I'm a blonde. The big bouncer at the door is a blonde. There's a biker chick sitting next to you, who is also a blonde. The singer on the stage, the manager of the bar, and two of the people at the table behind you are all blondes. Now think, do you REALLY want to tell that joke here?
"Nah," the man sighs, "not if I'm gonna have to explain it 7 times."
Do blind people care if their significant others are hot? (OC?)
Do blind people care if their significant others are hot?
Of course they do! They're blind, not necrophiliacs!
(Probably been done before, but I thought of it while on the toilet.)
How do blind people know when they're done wiping?
The dog stops l**....
A group of people walk into a bar...
An Irishman, a rabbi, a Japanese man, a blind man and a boat captain walk into a bar. The bartender asks "is this some kind of a joke?"
Why did god invent patchouli?
So blind people can hate hippies too.
I did bad and I should feel bad
What do you call a group of dead, visually impaired people?
Horizontal blinds.
Why do hippies wear pachouli??
So blind people can hate them to
Why can't blind people eat fish?
cuz it's seafood
How come blind people never tell bad jokes?
Because they can't "see themselves out"
:D
..I'll.. I'll see myself out.
Do you know why I hate drinking with blind people?
They can't handle their booze and always black-out.
I went to a blind tasting session the other day...
It was a waste of time, they tasted the same as people who can see.
I think my blind girlfriend just broke up with me
She said she wanted to see other people.
People thought I was crazy when I said I was going to cure blindness.
But they'll see. They'll all see!
What's the best part about having a blind partner?
You know they won't be seeing other people.
Did you hear about the guy who robbed blind people?
Nobody saw it coming.
Why can't two blind people get along?
They can't see eye to eye.
How do you separate two blind people fighting?
You just simply shout:
"I'm supporting the one with the knife!"
Is it fair to say...
There'd be less litter in the world if blind people were given pointed sticks?
People will see a supermoon tonight...
...my blinds are broken.
We're sorry, but the "blind people rejoice" meeting has been postponed,
Due to unforeseen circumstances.
Why do black people smell bad?
So blind people can hate them too
What kind of food can't blind people eat?
Seafood.
Why do blind people always laugh at jokes?
Same as why they don't drive. They never see it comming.
People say i shouldn't start driving because im blind.
I can't see the problem.
If blind people could see how the world is today
I think they'd be pretty happy
I used to date a blind girl
At first, I was so excited that she told me she'd been seeing people
How can you tell when you have really bad acne?
When blind people start trying to read your face.
Do you know why New Zealand has banned blind people from bungee jumping?
It kept scaring the life out of the seeing eye dogs.
Why don't blind people Wingsuit?
Too much drag from the dog.
I gave a deaf blind child my seat in the taxi
After he ran over several people I began to contemplate my decision, I told him to stop but he just wouldn't listen
I was waiting at a pedestrian crossing, when a woman asked me, "What's that beep, beep sound?"
I said, "It's so blind people know when to go."
"Oh right." she replied. "Where I'm from, we don't let them drive."
Today I saw two blind people fighting,
So then i shouted "i'm supporting the one with the knife" they both ran away.
(was told this joke yesterday thought I'd share)
Edit. Swapped 'a' for 'the'.
Be the change you want to see.
Disclaimer : Above quote is not for blind people as they can't see.
A group of blind people make a band called ABDB
It's like ACDC, but they can't C
I really don't see the point...
... of making fun of blind people...
Also I just can't stand cripple jokes...
My German friend asked me if there were any nicknames for blind people in America...
Apparently, not-see was the wrong answer.
My girlfriend says she wants to see other people
I told her a thousand times it's not my fault she's blind
For blind people, there are always two sides to a coin
The one they can't see and the one they can't see either
What did Apple release to help blind people?
An iPatch
I don't trust my blind girlfriend....
I'm afraid she's seeing other people
What's the best thing about having a blind girlfriend?
Knowing that she isn't seeing other people.
If you read the bible backwards its about a man sent to earth on a cross who is helped down by some Romans and told to go on his way. He then travels the world making people blind and giving them leprosy. He even ruins a meal for a huge crowd by turning all their food into 2 fish and 5 loaves.
He gets fewer followers as time goes by and in the end he's lying in a stable and 3 old men steal all his presents.
You're like a little ray of sunshine...
Blinding people and giving them cancer.
My blind girlfriend and I just broke up.
We both decided that I should see other people.
How do you stop a fight between two blind people?
You yell "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
Don't feel bad about not donating to blind peoples charities...
They were never going to see it anyway.
A lot of people say I can't draw because I'm blind...
I think they're right, I see no progress.
What do blind people never eat?
See food.
Blind, deaf and mute people can all tolerate a dark joke.
It's because they're not sensitive.
I used to date a girl who was blind.
She broke up with me when I told her we should see other people.
Who are the worst types of blind people?
The Notsees.
Did you hear the story about the blind guy that was wrongly accused of cheating on his wife?
He wasn't seeing other people.
When I was a kid , my acne was so bad...
blind people tried to read my face.
A blind man walks into a bar...
...and a table
...and a chair
...and people
The healing river
People heard about a healing river and the stories about its powers and so they gathered to see it with their own eyes. A lady with a sick child in her arms goes into the water on one shore and comes out at the other, the child now smiling and completely healthy. A blind man goes in and comes out seeing. Everybody is stunned. Another guy in a wheelchair goes in on one shore and comes out at the other with new rims.
I just saw two blind people fighting
I yelled he got a knife and they both started running
What's the meaning of eternal love?
Two blind people playing tennis.
Doctor I'm afraid of people that aren't blind.
Doc: I see
Me: aaAaaaaaAAAAAA
I wrote a terrible joke about blind people.
Good thing they'll never see it.
My mate asked me to do a charity 5 mile run... I said no.
He then told me it was for blind and disabled people.
I then thought.. I could actually win this.
Why is it good to be color blind?
Because people can't call you racist.
