Blind Man Jokes
138 blind man jokes and hilarious blind man puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blind man that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Blind Man Short Jokes
Short blind man jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blind man humour may include short blind guy jokes also.
- A blind man walks into a bar The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"
- How do you stop a fight between two blind men? Just say you're rooting for the man with the knife.
- A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?" The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."
- A boy asked his mom "Mom, What is dark humor?" The mom said to the boy "See that man with no hands? Tell him to clap."
The boy then said to his mom "But mom, you know I'm blind!" - I asked a girl whether she would date a blue-collar man like me She said blue or white don't matter, she's collar blind.
- There was a fight between a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man I just have to ask, how long until we end this senseless violence?
- I got $20 from a blind homeless man on the street today! He had this tin can full of money, and was just holding it in front of my face. What a friendly guy.
- What did the blind man say when he was handed a cheese grater? Wow! That's the most violent thing I've read in a while!
- A blind man with a service dog walked into a bar The construction worker holding the bar said, "Dude, you need a new dog!"
- Old but good joke... Why did the blind man run into the well?
Because he couldn't see that well.
(My future children are gonna love me)
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Blind Man One Liners
Which blind man one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blind man? I can suggest the ones about invisible man and one eyed man.
- How do find the blind man at the nudist colony? It's not hard.
- How do you surprise a blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet
- How do you get a blind man to see? By boat.
- A blind man walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair.
- I see, says the blind man peeing into the wind, it's all coming back to me now.
- Why did the blind man use chopsticks? Because he couldn't see the point in forks.
- What did the blind man say to the 15 year old? Why would you write that on your face?
- I gave a blind man 10$ He told me he'll pay me back the next time he sees me.
- Why did the blind man cross the road? Because he couldn't hear the Tesla coming
- How does a blind man tell if he's done wiping? Taste test
- A blind man walks into an i store "2 please"
- A blind man walks past a fish market and says ...good afternoon ladies.
- I stole a walking pole from a blind man earlier... He wasn't looking
- How do you surprise a blind man Put "Do Not Touch" in braille.
- Another blind man walks into a bar He's been unconscious for an hour. Please send help
Rib-Tickling Blind Man Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about blind man you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean old man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blind man pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
n**... painting
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."
They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t**.... Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.
Nice t**..., where you want me to hang the blinds?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man had to shoot his dog...
To this day, he still misses him
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two blind men.
This morning I had to break up a fight on the sidewalk. Two blind men going at it with their canes.
I said: "Break it up guys,What the h**... is going on here!"
Blind man 1:"You owe me fifty dollars!"
Blind man 2: "I don't understand what the h**... his problem is!, I told YOU! ,"I WILL PAY YOU THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man and his mistress.
A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.
After bathing, she came out n**..., spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home?
He replied, Yes, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now.
Bigger in Texas
A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. Wow, this bed is big!
Everything is big in Texas, says the bellhop.
The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. Wow these drinks are big!
The bartender replies, Everything is big in Texas.
After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. Second door to the right, says the bartender.
The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, Don't flush, don't flush!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Once I saw a blind man touching a cheese grater at Ikea.
He said: "who wrote this b**..."
A blind man walks into a bar.
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
A blind man walks into a bar
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"
The man said to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he's blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"
The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
A blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man like a woman
The blind man, to impress her, says: "If I could see anything, I wish I could see your face."
The deaf man says: "If I could hear anything, I wish I could hear your voice."
The mute man says:
Blind man in a motorboat accident.
I once saw a Blind man and asked him how he went blind. He said "I lost my eyes in a motorboating accident. She didn't tell me that they were pierced."
A blind man walks into a shop...
...he picks his guide dog up by the tail and starts to swing it around his head. "Can I help you!?" Asks the shop assistant. "No thanks" said the man, "I'm just looking around."
A blind man was walking downtown and he stumbled upon the fish market.....
As he enters the market with his seeing eye dog all of a sudden he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.
The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are
you doing?!!"
The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man walks into a bar...
...and after managing to find himself an empty seat at the bar he orders a pint.
Bartender fills the pint and as it is being placed in front of the blind man says, "hey Bartender, wanna hear a dumb blonde girl joke?"
Bar goes silent.
"Hey man," the Bartender says, "you're blind so there is a few things you should know before you tell your joke. You are in a d**... bar, the only one in town actually, and many of us are blonde. I am blonde. Sid the biker chick next to you is blonde and so is her girlfriend. The bouncer is also blonde along with the 2 chicks behind you playing pool. Do you really want to tell that joke?"
"Nah, you're right." says the blind man, "I would have to explain it too many times."
A blind man walks into a bar
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,
Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says,
Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?
The blind guy says, Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man walks into a bar...
A blind man walks into a bar, without know its a lesbian bar, and says to the bartender:
"I have the world's best blonde joke. You wanna hear it?"
The bartender says "Hey, just so you know, I'm the world champion in wrestling. The girl next to you is the world champion in taekwondo and that girl over there is the world champion in kickboxing, and we're all blonde. Are you sure you still want to tell that joke?"
The guy replies "Haha, no thanks. I don't really feel like explaining the joke three times over."
Blind man walks into a bar
And says to the bartender: hey wanna hear a blonde joke?
Bartender says: listen pal, I'm blonde, the two marines next to you are blonde, the pianist is blonde, and the bouncer is blonde. Now, are you sure you want to make a blonde joke?
Blind man: nah, not if I have to explain it 5 times!
A blind man and a conspiracy theorist walk into a bar
The blind man hits his head. This must have been a setup.
It's my cake day or something, Here's a dad joke :)
A blind man walks into a bar,
And then a table,
And then a chair.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a blind man walks into a bar..
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey, do you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bartender replies "Look buddy, im blonde, and I am 200 pounds of pure muscle. The guy next to you is blond too, and he is 250 pounds, and the guy on the other side is also blonde, he is 300 pounds of bulk, are you still sure you want to tell that joke?"
The blind man replies "Never mind, I dont wanna have to repeat it 5 times."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**...
A blind man, a deaf man and a mute are murdered.
These are senseless killings
I let a blind man borrow some money the other day
He said he'll pay me back the next time he saw me
A pilot is flying a plane and shortly after mid-air announcement , forgets to turn off the mic.
He then mentions to his copilot : "I am dating that cute air hostess. After we land , we will go to the hotel and bang. "
The air hostess after hearing this runs towards the front of the plane at full speed to tell the pilot to turn off the mic and hits a blind man's stick and falls down.
The guy sitting on the other side says : "Why are you in such a hurry , we haven't even landed yet! "
Why did the partially blind man fall into the well?
Because he could not see that well.
(My favorite repost for my cake day.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blind/blonde joke
A blind guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. After a while, he asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies, "Sure, but before you start you should know, I'm blonde. The woman on your left is a blonde, and the man on your right has a black belt in karate and is also blonde.... Are you SURE you want to tell a blonde joke in here?" The blind man replies, "Nah, not if I have to explain it three times."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Two Nuns and the Blind man.
There were once two nuns taking a bath together when all of a sudden they hear a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" yells out one of the nuns.
"It's me, the blind man." replies the man at the door.
"Ok, come on up." calls the second nun.
A short moment later, they heard the footsteps up the staircase and soon the door to the bathroom opened.
"Oh, hello Sisters. I like your new towels. Now where do you want the blinds?"
Bu dum tss
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How can you spot a blind man in a nudist camp?
It's not hard
Ladies and gentlemen
Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps
crosseyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants
I've come to tell you a lie that is true.
One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys rose up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other
Pulled out knives and shot each other.
Two deaf policemen heard the noise
And ran to save the two dead boys.
If you don't believe this lie is true
Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.
A blind man walks into a bar and asks, "You all wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The female bartender responds, "Let me stop you right there. I'm a blonde. The big bouncer at the door is a blonde. There's a biker chick sitting next to you, who is also a blonde. The singer on the stage, the manager of the bar, and two of the people at the table behind you are all blondes. Now think, do you REALLY want to tell that joke here?
"Nah," the man sighs, "not if I'm gonna have to explain it 7 times."
A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He picks it up by the tail and starts swinging it around his head
What are you doing?! shouts the barman.
Just having a look around
A blind man and a man in a wheelchair are having a conversation.
The man in the wheelchair says: "hey look! A spider" to which the blind man replied "step on it"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man gets into a blondes only bar
He approaches the bar, asks for a beer, and tells her:
- Do you want to hear a very funny joke on blondes?
- Ohh man, you got into the wrong place with this joke! I am 200 pounds blonde barwoman, at your right there is a blonde bodybuilder, at the right there is a blond black belt on karate, and at your back its the most insane blond biker in town. I am gone ask you only once; are you sure you want to tell a joke on blondes?
- No, i dont want to explain the joke four times
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man was walking down the street
A blind man was walking down the street with his dog.
They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic.
The dog, at this point, started p**... on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a d**... treat and started waving it at the dog.
A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a n**... deed.
The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his f**...' a**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blind Man
Two female privates are ordered to paint the general's office. They are warned not to get paint on their uniforms. So they lock the door, s**... off their clothes and get to work. An hour later, there's a knock at the door. "Who is it?" they ask. "Blind man." Thinking nothing of it, the privates open up. "Hi," says the man. "Where do you want the blinds?"
About the blind man that took up parachuting.
He had loads of fun, but his guide dog didn't.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
While having a bath, a woman hears the doorbell.
"Who is it?" The woman asks.
"It's me! Your blind neighbour!" Replies a manly voice.
The woman thinks to herself "well if it's the blind man, I don't need to put anything on." And opens the door n**....
The blind man in complete shock says "I..... I just came here to tell you that my operation was successful and I can see everything now."
A blind man complained to customer service
He showed the employee a cheese grater and said "This is the worst book I've ever read"
A blind man is sitting on a park bench.
A Rabbi sits down next to him. The Rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man. Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the Rabbi on the shoulder and asks, "Who wrote this?!!"
A blind man walks into a bar...
and orders his drink. While he's waiting he asks: "Hey! Do you want to hear a blonde joke?". The woman next to him answers: " I'm blond and had the worst day ever. The bartender is a blonde and has plenty of brawn and next to you sits also a blond biker. Do you really want to tell this joke?" The blind man says: "No, not any more. I don't want to explain the joke a thousand times."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man goes into a bakery, touches the salt croissant and says...
...WHICH IDIOT WROTE THIS b**... ON IT!?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man walks into a bar
Probably shouldn't have asked him to a limbo contest.
A blind person tripped on his way into a restaurant and crashed onto the floor.
The waiter rushed up and asked if he was ok. The blind man said "Fall...awlful..." And the waiter said "sorry we don't have that on the menu but there's a Mediterranean place next door."
Joke my Grandpa told me. Pastors have the best jokes.
A blind man walks in to a store with his dog. He walks to the center of the store and starts to swing his dog around by the leash.
The store owner tries to stop the man "what do you think you are doing?"
The blindman replies "Just taking a look around."
After running his fingers over the raised Braille lettering on the surface, the blind man looked terrified
A passing man noticed this and asked him, "What did it say ?".
The blind man responded, "RADIOACTIVE. DO NOT TOUCH"
The Oxymoron poem
Ladies and Gentlemen; hobos and Tramps; bug eyed mosquitos and legged ants: I come here before you to stand behind you to tell you a story I know nothing of.
One cold dark day in the middle of the night two dead boys stood up to fight, back to back they face each other, drew their swords and shot each-other! The deaf policeman heard this noise and came and killed those two dead boys.
Now if you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it to.
A blind man walks into the bakery
A blind man walks into the bakery and asks for 8 poppy seed breads. While the baker gathers them for him, he asks: are you expecting any visitors? No, replies the blind man. But I'm going on vacation, and they have such lovely story's written on them!
Why did the blind man trip and drown?
He didn't see that well
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man blind from birth hears about a new surgery to restore his sight
A man blind from birth hears about new surgery that can give him sight. He goes to the doctor who tells him he can do the surgery. He asks if being able to see will have any negative impacts on his life.
"Well," the doctor says. "You won't be able to maintain an e**...."
"Is that a common side effect from the surgery," the blind man asks.
"No," says the doctor. "It's just that your wife is ugly."
A blind man walks into a bar
...and now the construction crew is in trouble for leaving their scaffolding stacked in the middle of the sidewalk.
I got into an argument with a blind man.
He just couldn't see my point of view.
What does a blind man use to ski?
A skiing eye dog
A blind man ask me for directions to get to the bar.
I don't really know where I'm going with this, but neither does the blind man.
Blind man goes to the doctor
Man: "Doctor Iam blind !"
Doctor:" I see"
Man: "Good for you"
I see, said the blind man
As he ordered his favorite frozen drink from 7/11.
What did the blind man use to cure his illness?
Seafood.
A blind man decided to kill himself...
Q: When the blind man decided to kill himself by jumping off of the Empire State Building, how did he know when he was just about to hit the ground?
A: The dog quit barking.
Give a teen a basketball and he would have fun for a day
Give a blind man a basketball and he would read it like a book
Why did the blind man fall off the Space Needle?
Because he couldn't Seattle.
A blind man regains his sight then immediately after, his wife dies and he says,
I can see clearly now, Lorraine is gone.
Blind Man
I just passed a blind man in home depot. He was dressed head to toe in camouflage. I assume he was trying to even the playing field. Well done sir. (True Story)
Did you hear what the blind man said to the deaf man?
Neither did he.
