Blind Jokes

146 blind jokes and hilarious blind puns to laugh out loud. Read human body jokes about blind that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Short Blind Jokes
Blind One Liners
Blind Man Jokes
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Short blind jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blind humour may include short invisible jokes also.

How do you break up two blind guys fighting? Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
2 blind guys were about to fight I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins!
Both started running away.
What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman? Getting her husband's voice just right
A blind man walks into a bar The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"
How do you stop a fight between two blind men? Just say you're rooting for the man with the knife.
Today I gave my seat to a blind lady on the bus, That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.
In honor of his passing, my dad's favorite joke to tell waiters Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"
Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."
Waiter: "I'm sorry?"
Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."
A while ago I had a blind date with a Jewish girl She asked me for my number.
I told her that we usually use names.
I saw two blind men fighting And I yelled out "I'm rooting for the one with the knife"
Then they both ran away
Why aren't color blind people allowed to join the police force? They wouldn't know who to shoot

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Which blind one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blind? I can suggest the ones about blur and blink.

I volunteered to help blind children today! That's a verb not an adjective btw.
I help blind kids Verb, not adjective
In my spare time I help blind children. I mean the verb, not the adjective.
I once went on a blind date with a vegan I never met herbivore
I was recently diagnosed with color-blindness. It came out of the green.
Why did the blind woman fall down the well? Because she couldn't see that well.
How do find the blind man at the nudist colony? It's not hard.
My blind wife left me At least she isn't seeing anyone else
After work, I volunteer to help blind children By the way: Verb, not adjective
I like to help blind children. The verb, not the adjective.
A blind man had to shoot his dog... To this day, he still misses him
I love helping blind children The verb not the adjective
How do you surprise a blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet
What is it about being blind... ...that makes people want to walk their dog so much?
I dated a blind girl and she broke up with me. Guess who's back with a different voice

Here is a list of funny blind man jokes and even better blind man puns that will make you laugh with friends.

A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?" The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."
A boy asked his mom "Mom, What is dark humor?" The mom said to the boy "See that man with no hands? Tell him to clap."
The boy then said to his mom "But mom, you know I'm blind!"
I asked a girl whether she would date a blue-collar man like me She said blue or white don't matter, she's collar blind.
There was a fight between a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man I just have to ask, how long until we end this senseless violence?
How do you spot a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard.
How do you get a blind man to see? By boat.
I got $20 from a blind homeless man on the street today! He had this tin can full of money, and was just holding it in front of my face. What a friendly guy.
Whats the worst thing you can do to a blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet
Why did the blind man fall into the well? Because he could not see that well.
What did the blind man say when he was handed a cheese grater? Wow! That's the most violent thing I've read in a while!

Here is a list of funny blind people jokes and even better blind people puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Today, I saw 2 blind people fighting Then I shouted: "I'm supporting the one with the knife", they both ran away.
I saw two blind people fighting... and I shouted, "I'm rooting for the one with the knife!" They both ran away.
Today I saw two blind people fighting... Today I saw two blind people fighting... Then I shouted, "I'm rooting for the one with a knife!" They both ran away.
Saw two blind people fighting today. I said, "I think that the guy with the knife will win!" They both ran away.
Why do the French stink? So blind people can hate them too
What's the worst way to break up with a blind person? I think we should see other people
A tasteless joke. People who can't hear are called deaf.
People who can't see are called blind.
People who can't talk are called mute.
What do you call people that can't taste food?
Ethiopian
I love dating blind girls You don't have to worry about them seeing other people.
If a blind couple breaks up... would they start hearing other people?
Why are blind people bad at programming? Because they can't C

Blind joke, Why are blind people bad at programming?

Here is a list of funny blind guy jokes and even better blind guy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Today I saw two blind guys fighting... Should've seen their faces when I said "My money's on the one with the knife"
A guy says to his buddy, "I'm thinking about buying a labrador." His pal warns, "That might not be such a good idea. Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
The other day i saw two blind guys fighting I yelled: I BET ON THE ONE WITH THE KNIFE!
They run away from each other
[Blind Date] Guy: Hi, my name is Heath. Girl: Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Heather.
Guy: This isn't a competition.
I loaned a blind guy some money... It's ok though. He said he'd pay me back next time he saw me.
I saw two blind guys fist fighting, I yelled, "I'm betting on the guy with the knife."
And they both ran away.
Q: Why can't a blind guy see his friends? A: Because he's married.
I gave up my seat to a blind guy on the bus. I lost my job.
How do you find a blind guy in a nudist colony? it isn't hard.
"Mom what's dark humor?" "Do you see that guy over there without arms? Ask him to clap his hand"
"But mom I'm blind..."
"Exactly!"

Here is a list of funny blind date jokes and even better blind date puns that will make you laugh with friends.

My buddy set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby." I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper...
I started dating a blind girl. The hardest part was imitating her husband's voice.
I went on a blind date and the girl gave me a honeycomb. Knew right away she was a keeper.
Last night I dated a blind woman At one point she ran her hands over my cheeks and mistook my acne for braille. Boy, was my face read.
Had a blind date last night. Her name was ..:::.::…..:::.::
"I have slept with 3 men before meeting you " said my blind date "Man,I was just late by 20 minutes" ..
Dating a blind girl is challenging yet rewarding.. It took me forever to get her husbands voice just right
I went on a blind date the other day... ...it didn't start that way, but she brought pepper spray.
*Credit to America's Got talent comedian (I don't remember his name)
I was set up on a blind date the other day by my friend, as I was getting ready he said "heads up, she's expecting a baby" Now I feel pretty daft sitting in this restaurant wearing a diaper
I went on a blind date once... ...her name was ....:::..... ::...:..:...:

Blind joke, I went on a blind date once...

What funny jokes about blind you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vision jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blind pranks.

A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder

They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:
"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"
and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"

So you like limericks, huh?

On the Breast of a woman named Gale
was tattooed the price of her tail
and on her behind
for the sake of the blind
was the same information in braile.

How do you blindfold an Asian woman?

Put a windshield in front of her.

Are you a v**...?

Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.
After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a v**...?" Joe was amazed!
"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"

I was completely shocked today when my doctor told me I was colour blind..

It came completely out of the green

Dad: "Son, if you don't stop m**... you're gonna go blind."

Son: "I'm over here Dad."

I'm never buying a Labrador...

Havent you seen how many of their owners go blind?

You got to hand it to blind prostitutes...

I have just started a s**... relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

My blind friend just tried l**... for the first time...

There was more tripping than usual.

I just found out I'm colour blind

The diagnosis came completely out of the green.
(Courtesy of a family member)

Once I saw a blind man touching a cheese grater at Ikea.

He said: "who wrote this b**..."

My dad told me if I kept jacking off I'd go blind.

I said dad, I'm over here

How do you find a blind guy at a n**... beach?

It's not hard

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person.

I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.

A blind man and his mistress.

A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.
After bathing, she came out n**..., spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home?
He replied, Yes, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now.

I was on a blind date with this girl...

And I told her, being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed. She asked "what's the best way?"
I said "a big knife."
She laughed and said "you're funny."
I said "wise choice."

Why do blind programmers use java?

Because they can't C.
(I'm so sorry.)

My dad walked in on me m**...

He said, "Son, don't you know doing that will make you go blind!"
I said, "Dad, I'm over here."

"I see", said the blind carpenter

As he tripped over his hammer and saw

What's a pirates worst fear on a blind date?

A sunken chest and no b**....

Have you ever tried blind-folded archery?

You don't know what you're missing.

I've been hiring a blind p**... lately,

And I really have to hand it to her.

My friend was thinking of getting a labrador.

I had to talk him out of it: "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?!?"

A kid asks his mom:

- Mom, what's dark humor?
- Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap
- Mom! I'm blind....
- Exactly.

n**... painting

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."
They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t**.... Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

Bigger in Texas

A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. Wow, this bed is big!
Everything is big in Texas, says the bellhop.
The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. Wow these drinks are big!
The bartender replies, Everything is big in Texas.
After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. Second door to the right, says the bartender.
The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, Don't flush, don't flush!

A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.

Nice t**..., where you want me to hang the blinds?

How do you break up a fight between 2 blind men?

Yell out: 'My money is on the one with a knife...'

How does the blind skydiver know he's about to land?

The dog leash slackens.
(Cr

Why don't blind people go skydiving?

It scares the s**... out of their dogs.

My girlfriend hated that I told blind jokes

Years ago I dated a girl for about 6 months. We got along super well. I met her family, and she met mine. Things were getting pretty serious between us.
The only thing that we really argued about was my blind jokes. I loved saying them and she hated them. In her defense, she had a blind brother so that's why it bothered her. One day I got a call, and found out that she got in a car accident and lost her sight.
After that she just stopped seeing me.

Two blind men.

This morning I had to break up a fight on the sidewalk. Two blind men going at it with their canes.
I said: "Break it up guys,What the h**... is going on here!"
Blind man 1:"You owe me fifty dollars!"
Blind man 2: "I don't understand what the h**... his problem is!, I told YOU! ,"I WILL PAY YOU THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU!"

My kids want a dog but I've refused to get them a Labrador.

It's frightening how many Labrador owners you see that have gone blind

2 blind men were having a fight

2 blind men were having a fight, you should have seen their faces when I called out ''My money is on the one with the knife''

Pull

A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy doesn't move.
"Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy doesn't budge.
"Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer says, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse drags the car out of the ditch.
Curious, the motorist asks the farmer why he kept calling his horse by the wrong name. "Buddy's blind," said the farmer. "And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."

How does a blind skydiver know when he's getting close to the ground?

The leash goes slack.

A guy is asked by his friend: What would you do if your wife cheats on you?

He answers I'd throw his dog through the window and break the stick
Friend: what stick? What dog?
To what the guy replies: If someone sleeps with my wife he must be blind!

A blind woman got on a bus. Sadly, all the seats were taken.

A man noticed that no one else on the bus was willing to give up their seat for the blind woman, so he kindly guided her to his seat and took a standing spot. As the bus started up, the man frowned at the others for their selfishness.
Later that day, the man came home in tears, covered in bruises.
"What's the matter?" asked the man's wife.
"I lost my job as a bus driver."