The Best 94 Blind Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Blind jokes. There are some blind braille jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these blind colour blind puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Blind Jokes and Puns

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

I help blind kids

Verb, not adjective

Why do the French stink?

So blind people can hate them too

Blind joke, Why do the French stink?

A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder


They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:

"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"

and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"

So you like limericks, huh?

On the Breast of a woman named Gale

was tattooed the price of her tail

and on her behind

for the sake of the blind

was the same information in braile.


I went on a blind date and the girl gave me a honeycomb.

Knew right away she was a keeper.

How do you blindfold an Asian woman?

Put a windshield in front of her.

Blind joke, How do you blindfold an Asian woman?

Are you a VIRGIN?

Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.

After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"

"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.

"Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Joe was amazed!

"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"

They say masturbation makes you blind....

I don't see any problem with it.

Nudist colony

Q- How can you tell the blind guy at a nudist colony?
A- It's not hard.

Q- Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A- The one carrying a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q- Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A- The one who can eat the last donut.

Sometimes I ask myself if I'd rather be black or blind, then I realize it doesn't matter.

Either way, I wouldn't see my dad again

You can explore blind eyesight reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean blind deaf dad jokes. There are also blind puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I was completely shocked today when my doctor told me I was colour blind..

It came completely out of the green

Dad: "Son, if you don't stop masturbating you're gonna go blind."

Son: "I'm over here Dad."

In honor of his passing, my dad's favorite joke to tell waiters

Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"

Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."

Waiter: "I'm sorry?"

Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."

I'm never buying a Labrador...

Havent you seen how many of their owners go blind?

Why do girls always get mad when I try to read their shirts?

It's not my fault I'm blind.

Blind joke, Why do girls always get mad when I try to read their shirts?

How do find the blind man at the nudist colony?

It's not hard.

You got to hand it to blind prostitutes...

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.


My blind friend just tried LSD for the first time...

There was more tripping than usual.

I just found out I'm colour blind

The diagnosis came completely out of the green.

(Courtesy of a family member)

In my spare time I help blind children.

I mean the verb, not the adjective.

So I gave a blind guy a basketball.

I think he's still trying to read it...

How do you spot a blind man in a nudist colony?

It's not hard.

Why did the blind woman fall down the well?

Because she couldn't see that well.

I saw two blind men fighting

And I yelled out "I'm rooting for the one with the knife"

Then they both ran away

Once I saw a blind man touching a cheese grater at Ikea.

He said: "who wrote this bullshit"

I loaned a blind guy some money...

It's ok though. He said he'd pay me back next time he saw me.

My dad told me if I kept jacking off I'd go blind.

I said dad, I'm over here

Saw two blind people fighting today.

I said, "I think that the guy with the knife will win!" They both ran away.

What is it about being blind...

...that makes people want to walk their dog so much?

How do you find a blind guy at a nude beach?

It's not hard

I let my blind friend borrow money

He said he was gonna pay me back the next time he saw me...

Today I gave my seat to a blind lady on the bus,

That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person.

I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.

2 blind guys were about to fight

I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins!
Both started running away.

A blind man had to shoot his dog...

To this day, he still misses him

A blind man and his mistress.

A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.

After bathing, she came out naked, spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home?

He replied, Yes, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now.

I was on a blind date with this girl...

And I told her, being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed. She asked "what's the best way?"
I said "a big knife."
She laughed and said "you're funny."
I said "wise choice."

A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?"

The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."

Why do blind programmers use Java?

Because they can't C.

(I'm so sorry.)

My dad walked in on me masturbating

He said, "Son, don't you know doing that will make you go blind!"

I said, "Dad, I'm over here."

A while ago I had a blind date with a Jewish girl

She asked me for my number.

I told her that we usually use names.

A blind man walks into a bar

The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"

Today, I saw 2 blind people fighting

Then I shouted: "I'm supporting the one with the knife", they both ran away.

A blind guy rang my door bell...

When I opened the door he told me, "You should really cover your windows up," and handed me a business card.

What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right

How do you find a blind guy in a nudist colony?

it isn't hard.

My buddy set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby."

I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper...

"I see", said the blind carpenter

As he tripped over his hammer and saw

After work, I volunteer to help blind children

By the way: Verb, not adjective

Today I saw two blind people fighting...

Today I saw two blind people fighting... Then I shouted, "I'm rooting for the one with a knife!" They both ran away.

Why aren't color blind people allowed to join the police force?

They wouldn't know who to shoot

What's a pirates worst fear on a blind date?

A sunken chest and no booty.

I saw two blind guys fist fighting,

I yelled, "I'm betting on the guy with the knife."
And they both ran away.

I like to help blind children.

The verb, not the adjective.

What's the worst way to break up with a blind person?

I think we should see other people

How do you surprise a blind man?

Leave the plunger in the toilet

There was a fight between a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man

I just have to ask, how long until we end this senseless violence?

Have you ever tried blind-folded archery?

You don't know what you're missing.

I've been hiring a blind prostitute lately,

And I really have to hand it to her.

I love helping blind children

The verb not the adjective

Last night I dated a blind woman

At one point she ran her hands over my cheeks and mistook my acne for braille. Boy, was my face read.

The other day i saw two blind guys fighting

I yelled: I BET ON THE ONE WITH THE KNIFE!

They run away from each other

I gave up my seat to a blind guy on the bus.

I lost my job.

My friend was thinking of getting a labrador.

I had to talk him out of it: "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?!?"

How do you stop a fight between two blind men?

Just say you're rooting for the man with the knife.

A kid asks his mom:

- Mom, what's dark humor?
- Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap
- Mom! I'm blind....
- Exactly.

A guy says to his buddy, "I'm thinking about buying a labrador."

His pal warns, "That might not be such a good idea. Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

Naked painting

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"

"Blind man!"

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."

They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

Bigger in Texas

A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. Wow, this bed is big!

Everything is big in Texas, says the bellhop.

The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. Wow these drinks are big!

The bartender replies, Everything is big in Texas.

After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. Second door to the right, says the bartender.

The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, Don't flush, don't flush!

Q: Why can't a blind guy see his friends?

A: Because he's married.

I volunteered to help blind children today!

That's a verb not an adjective btw.

A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.

Nice tits, where you want me to hang the blinds?

I saw two blind people fighting...

and I shouted, "I'm rooting for the one with the knife!" They both ran away.

How do you break up a fight between 2 blind men?

Yell out: 'My money is on the one with a knife...'

How does the blind skydiver know he's about to land?

The dog leash slackens.

(Cr

Why don't blind people go skydiving?

It scares the shit out of their dogs.

[Blind Date] Guy: Hi, my name is Heath.

Girl: Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Heather.

Guy: This isn't a competition.

I asked a girl whether she would date a blue-collar man like me

She said blue or white don't matter, she's collar blind.

"Mom what's dark humor?"

"Do you see that guy over there without arms? Ask him to clap his hand"

"But mom I'm blind..."

"Exactly!"

Today I saw two blind guys fighting...

Should've seen their faces when I said "My money's on the one with the knife"

A blind man walks into a bar.

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

My girlfriend hated that I told blind jokes

Years ago I dated a girl for about 6 months. We got along super well. I met her family, and she met mine. Things were getting pretty serious between us.

The only thing that we really argued about was my blind jokes. I loved saying them and she hated them. In her defense, she had a blind brother so that's why it bothered her. One day I got a call, and found out that she got in a car accident and lost her sight.

After that she just stopped seeing me.

I dated a blind girl and she broke up with me.

Guess who's back with a different voice

Two blind men.

This morning I had to break up a fight on the sidewalk. Two blind men going at it with their canes.
I said: "Break it up guys,What the hell is going on here!"
Blind man 1:"You owe me fifty dollars!"
Blind man 2: "I don't understand what the hell his problem is!, I told YOU! ,"I WILL PAY YOU THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU!"

Ivan and Piotr are drinking in a shack out in the woods...

They've been drinking for three days straight and have finally run completely out of booze.

Piotr turns to Ivan and says, "Vanya, go look in the shed out back, see if there's anything to drink there."

Ivan stumbles back with a bottle of methanol in his hand. "Well, we could drink this, but we'd go blind."

Piotr looks around the shack, stares out the window a moment, and says, "I think I've seen enough."

"How was your blind date?"

A college student asked her 21 year old roommate.

"Terrible!" The roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner."

A blind and elderly German man is on a train.

When the train approaches the station of his destination, he gets up from his seat, tries to make for the door, but almost walks into a pole.

Another passenger yells," Careful, there's a pole in front of you!"

The old man breathes in, stands tall with all the vitality of his youth, and swings with all his might at the pole.

"Untermensch!" He yells. "When did those twats become so hard?"

What did the Battery say on his Blind Date?

I have a lot of energy and I am a pretty positive guy. But I do have a negative side.

Two guys are out hunting deer.

The first guy says "Did you see that?"

No" the second guy says.

Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead.

Oh.

A couple of minutes later, the first guy says "Did you see that?"

See what?"

Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there.

Oh".

A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"

By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says "Yes, I did!"

Then why did you step in it?"

I once met a blind man who didn't believe in Braille

He told me, 'I'll believe it when I see it!'

Why don't blind people eat sushi?

Because they can't seafood

How does a blind woman drive?

Just like any other woman

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the blind blind man jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working blind stevie wonder blind piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes