Blind Guy Jokes
120 blind guy jokes and hilarious blind guy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blind guy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Blind Guy Short Jokes
Short blind guy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blind guy humour may include short blind man jokes also.
- How do you break up two blind guys fighting? Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
- 2 blind guys were about to fight I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins!
Both started running away. - Today I saw two blind guys fighting... Should've seen their faces when I said "My money's on the one with the knife"
- A guy says to his buddy, "I'm thinking about buying a labrador." His pal warns, "That might not be such a good idea. Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
- The other day i saw two blind guys fighting I yelled: I BET ON THE ONE WITH THE KNIFE!
They run away from each other - [Blind Date] Guy: Hi, my name is Heath. Girl: Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Heather.
Guy: This isn't a competition. - I loaned a blind guy some money... It's ok though. He said he'd pay me back next time he saw me.
- Saw two blind people fighting today. I said, "I think that the guy with the knife will win!" They both ran away.
- I saw two blind guys fist fighting, I yelled, "I'm betting on the guy with the knife."
And they both ran away. - "Mom what's dark humor?" "Do you see that guy over there without arms? Ask him to clap his hand"
"But mom I'm blind..."
"Exactly!"
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Blind Guy One Liners
Which blind guy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blind guy? I can suggest the ones about blind people and wise guy.
- Q: Why can't a blind guy see his friends? A: Because he's married.
- I gave up my seat to a blind guy on the bus. I lost my job.
- How do you find a blind guy in a nudist colony? it isn't hard.
- So I gave a blind guy a basketball. I think he's still trying to read it...
- Why was the blind guy always so happy? He couldn't see any reason not to be!
- how to stop two blind guys from fighting Yell "HE HAS A KNIFE"
- Did you hear about the blind guy who fell into a well? He couldn't see that well.
- A blind guy walks into a bar... ...then a table, then a chair, then another chair...
- Did you hear about the guy who robbed blind people? Nobody saw it coming.
- I tried telling a joke to this blind guy... ...but I don't think he saw the humor in it.
- how do you stop two blind guys from figthing? Scream: i bet the one with the knive wins!
- I gave up my seat to a blind guy on the bus. I no longer have my bus driver's job.
- A blind guy walks into a bar... His friend then asks if he is okay.
- A blind guy walks into a bar.... and a table...and a stool...and a door
- Blind guy walks into a bar... says "ouch"
The Funniest Blind Guy Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about blind guy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean blind deaf jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blind guy pranks.
A guy goes on a blind date for the first time...
...And is kind of having a hard time getting a conversation started. He decides to try to get her to talk with a very simple topic: Music.
"Do you like dubstep?" He asks.
"Like it?" She responds, with an excited look on her face. "I wub it!"
So a guy walks into the doctors office...
...and says, "Doc, you gotta help me, I woke up this morning and my left eye was blind!"
"Alright," says the Doctor, "have a seat and I'll check you out."
The doctor looks him in the eye, and after a second says "Well, you're going to have to stop m**... for a little while."
"Why?" asks the man.
"Because I'm trying to give you an eye exam."
So a blind man walks into a bar..
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey, do you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bartender replies "Look buddy, im blonde, and I am 200 pounds of pure muscle. The guy next to you is blond too, and he is 250 pounds, and the guy on the other side is also blonde, he is 300 pounds of bulk, are you still sure you want to tell that joke?"
The blind man replies "Never mind, I dont wanna have to repeat it 5 times."
So, This Blind Guy Walks Into a Bar...
And takes a seat in front of the bartender.
"Would you like to here a great blonde joke?" He asks.
The bartender leans in close and says,
"Well, the priest and rabbi to your right are blonde. The two cheerleaders to your left are blonde and, to top it all off, I'M blonde. You still want to tell that joke buddy?"
The blind guy takes a moment to think about it and says
"Nah. I'd rather not have to explain it five times."
Did you hear about the blind guy who got in a car accident?
He regained his sight in ICU.
What is logic?
A mute telling a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a paraplegic running behind a bald guy while grabbing his hair.
What did a blind french guy said he wanted for christmas?
"All I want for christmas is yeux"
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer
were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
What goes: 'click' is that it? 'click' is that it? 'click' is that it?
A blind guy with a rubix cube
A guy goes to see his eye doctor, who tells him, "You've got to stop m**...."
"Why? Am I going blind?" The guy asks.
"No," says the eye doctor, "but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."
A guy goes skydiving...
and there's a blind guy on the plane going up with him. The blind guy has a seeing eye dog with him and a really really long leash. As they're going up the guy asks him, "Why bring the dog with you?"
The blind guys says, "He jumps first to let me know when to pull my c**...."
"How does he do that?" the man asked.
"The leash goes slack"
A blind guy walks into a bar
***thud***
A blind guy goes into a bar.
He sits down at the bar and orders a drink. "Do you want to hear a blonde joke?" he asks the bartender. "Well, I'm a blonde, the bouncer's a blonde, the two guys sitting next to you are blonde, and so is the owner who's over there playing darts. Do you still want to tell it?" she asks. Then the blind guy says, "No, not if I have to explain it five times".
A guy buys a golf course...
It's doing well, but maintenance costs are killing him, so he decides to build 3 robots. They're instantly doing 10 times the work of humans, & he's happy. One day the club pro is teeing off in a money game & gets blinded by the glare from a robot. Its not the first time, & he tells the owner he must fix this issue. He thinks about it, & decides to simply paint the robots black. So the next day two of them don't show up for work & the third one robs the pro shop.
A guy driving down the road hits a p**... with his car
He immediately stops the car, jumps out and runs to the lady lying on her back on the road.
She is groaning in pain. She mumbles, "I think I'm blind, I think I'm blind..."
Quickly the guy holds three of his fingers up in front of her and says, "How many fingers do I have up?"
"Oh my God," she says. "I'm not paralyzed too, am I?!?"
My first blind date.
My friend set me up on a blind date and all I had was the phone number of the guy I was supposed to meet. So I call him up and ask how will I recognize him?
"I am 175cm tall and weigh 75kg and I will be standing in the corner. What about you?"
I replied, "Well, I guess I will be the one with a tape measure and a bathroom scale..."
How do you spot a blind guy at a s**... club?
It's not hard.
Pulling Together
A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy doesn't move.
"Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy doesn't budge.
"Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer says, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse drags the car out of the ditch.
Curious, the motorist asks the farmer why he kept calling his horse by the wrong name. "Buddy's blind," said the farmer. "And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."
A blind person, and girl drop into a well
Girl says: It's so dark in here, don't you agree?
Blind guy: Sigh*
Girl: Oh so you're deaf too.
How do you find a blind guy at a n**... beach?
It's not hard
A blind guy walks into a store...
and starts swinging his seeing eye dog around his head. An employee comes over and nervously asks if he can help. The blind guy replies "No thanks. I'm just looking around.
A couple have a terrible accident and they both end up blind
The guy turns to his girlfriend and whispers in her ear:
I'm sorry, but we can't see each other anymore.
I hate looking for window treatment advice at the hardware store...
They always send me a blind guy.
A blind man walks into a bar
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,
Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says,
Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?
The blind guy says, Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
Blind guy walks into a supermarket...
Starts swinging his dog around his head.
Shop keeper says: "What're you doing?"
Blind guy says "just having a look around"
Cr
I got $20 from a blind homeless man on the street today!
He had this tin can full of money, and was just holding it in front of my face. What a friendly guy.
A blind man and his mistress.
A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.
After bathing, she came out n**..., spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home?
He replied, Yes, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now.
A blind guy rang my door bell...
When I opened the door he told me, "You should really cover your windows up," and handed me a business card.
So there's this blind girl giving a guy a h**... at a party...
She says "wow! This is by far the biggest I've ever felt!"
The guy says "ah, you're pulling my leg."
A blind guy walks into a store with a seeing-eye dog.
All of a sudden he grabs the dog by the tail and start spinning it around over his head. Horrified, a shopkeeper rushes over to him and says sir, sir are you OK?
The blind guy says sure, I'm just looking around.
I had a deaf girlfriend once, but she left me for a guy who was also deaf.
I must be blind,I couldn't see it coming
A blind man walks into a bar...
A blind man walks into a bar, without know its a lesbian bar, and says to the bartender:
"I have the world's best blonde joke. You wanna hear it?"
The bartender says "Hey, just so you know, I'm the world champion in wrestling. The girl next to you is the world champion in taekwondo and that girl over there is the world champion in kickboxing, and we're all blonde. Are you sure you still want to tell that joke?"
The guy replies "Haha, no thanks. I don't really feel like explaining the joke three times over."
A guy sits next to a blind man in a bar.
"have you always been blind" he asked.
"oh no, i had a really bad fever one day. It was so bad that you could cook eggs on my forehead."
"So the fever made you go blind?"
"no the eggs went into my eyes."
How do you stop two blind guys before they get in a fight?
You say, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
How do you stop two blind men fighting on the street?
Yell "my money is on the guy with a gun"
My blind daughter has a joke for you guys!
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Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."
"Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute !!"
A woman was just taking a bath when she heard the doorbell.
She thought she'd just pretend not to be home but then the ringer called, Hello? Anybody home? I'm the blind guy!
Ah well, if he is blind I can go and open the door just like this. No need to dress. thought the lady, hauled herself out of the bath and went to open the door.
Wow, said the guy waiting there, you should be on a fitness studio advertisement! Now, where should I put those blinds?
Why do rich guys always honk their horns?
So blind people can know they're d**... too.
A woman was taking a bath when the doorbell rang
She thought she could just pretend like she isn't home, the person would leave and she could keep bathing. "Hello? Anybody home? I'm the blind guy"
She thought to herself "Well, if he's blind, then maybe I won't have to dress up. She got out of the bath, walked to the door and opened it.
"Wow!" Said the man. "You should be on a fitness studio advertisement! Now, where should I put those blinds?
How do you stop a fight between two blind people?
You yell "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
A blind guy walks into a bar
His knee hurts for a little bit afterwards but eventually he shakes it off and feels better.
A blind man walks into a bar. He sits down and says "Who here wan't to hear a blond joke?"
The waitress says "Oh honey, I'm blond! And my co worker is blond too. Also, the lady sitting next to you is blond as well. Are you sure you wan't to tell it?"
The blind guy says "No, I guess not. Thanks for the warning. I don't have time to explain it three times".
A blind guy had to go to court
The Judge says Is everyone ready for the hearing?
The blind guys stands up and says Well duh, it's not like I'm going to be doing any seeing.
A doctor walks into the room and says, "Sir, you're going to have to stop m**...."
Guy says sarcastically, "Why? Because it will make me go blind?"
Doctor says, "No. You're scaring all of the patients."
My friend asked me to explain dark humor to them
I pointed at a guy sitting on a park bench and said "See that guy with no hands on the bench? Tell him to clap".
They replied "Austin, you know I'm blind", to which I replied "Exactly"
A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing eye dog...
He then grabs the dog by the tail and starts swinging it around his head.
Bartender: Whoa, Whoa man! What the h**... are you doing?!!
Blind guy: Relax, I'm just taking a look around.
Did you hear the story about the blind guy that was wrongly accused of cheating on his wife?
He wasn't seeing other people.
I saw two blind guys fighting in an alley last night.
You won't believe how fast they ran when I said: "My money is on the one with the knife!"
A blind man walks into a convenient store with his seeing-eye dog
And he's walking around when all of the sudden, he picks his dog up by the leash and starts swinging it around, knocking everything over.
The cashier runs over and starts yelling
"Sir! Sir! What the h**... are you doing!?"
The blind guy puts his dog down and says
"Oh, I'm just looking around."
Two blind guys walk into a bar.
The first one turns to the other and says, "Oh, you didn't see it either."
A nun, a horse, a duck, a Mexican, a blonde, a lesbian, an Irishman, Celine Dion, a rabbi, a talking frog, a three-legged dog, a blind man, and a guy walk into a bar...
...The bartender looks up and says, "Is this a joke?"
today i saw two blind guys fighting
i yelled he has a knife they both ran away so fast it was hilarious
The healing river
People heard about a healing river and the stories about its powers and so they gathered to see it with their own eyes. A lady with a sick child in her arms goes into the water on one shore and comes out at the other, the child now smiling and completely healthy. A blind man goes in and comes out seeing. Everybody is stunned. Another guy in a wheelchair goes in on one shore and comes out at the other with new rims.
A pilot is flying a plane and shortly after mid-air announcement , forgets to turn off the mic.
He then mentions to his copilot : "I am dating that cute air hostess. After we land , we will go to the hotel and bang. "
The air hostess after hearing this runs towards the front of the plane at full speed to tell the pilot to turn off the mic and hits a blind man's stick and falls down.
The guy sitting on the other side says : "Why are you in such a hurry , we haven't even landed yet! "
I saw 2 blind guys squaring up to each for a fight I shouted
My moneys on the one with the knife!
You should've seen them both run away...
Blind/blonde joke
A blind guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. After a while, he asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies, "Sure, but before you start you should know, I'm blonde. The woman on your left is a blonde, and the man on your right has a black belt in karate and is also blonde.... Are you SURE you want to tell a blonde joke in here?" The blind man replies, "Nah, not if I have to explain it three times."
I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind guy and my boss fired me for it.
Guess I'll have to find a bus driving job in a new city.
How do you stop a fight between 2 blind people?
You scream: I bet 10 dollars on the guy with the knife!
The blind date
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm meeting my blind date here tonight," he tells the bartender. "She's the sister of one of my friends. All he told me was that she was blonde and is expecting a baby." "Well," the bartender replies. "That explains why you're sitting here in just a diaper."
A blind guy walking down the street
A blind guy walking down the street, passes 2 guys making fun of him an laughing. He turns to them and says "I really don't see what's funny here".
Ok so a blind guy walks into a bar
Then into a table then into a counter then into the bartender
