The Best 71 Blind Date Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Blind Date jokes. There are some blind date girl jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these blind date blindness puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Blind Date Jokes and Puns

Dating a blind girl is challenging yet rewarding..

It took me forever to get her husbands voice just right

Joe took his blind date, Kim, to the carnival...

"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," said Kim, and so they ambled over to the 'guess-the-weight' stand. The owner guessed 121 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. And back to the 'guess-the-weight' stand they went. Since they had been here before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

A guy goes on a blind date for the first time...

...And is kind of having a hard time getting a conversation started. He decides to try to get her to talk with a very simple topic: Music.

"Do you like dubstep?" He asks.

"Like it?" She responds, with an excited look on her face. "I wub it!"

Blind Date joke, A guy goes on a blind date for the first time...

The Carnival Date

Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse.

"I want to get weighed," replied Amber.

They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Jesse lost his dollar.

By this time, Jesse figured that she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?"

Amber responded, "Oh, Waura. It was wousy."

I went on a blind date and the girl gave me a honeycomb.

Knew right away she was a keeper.


I went on a blind date the other day...

...it didn't start that way, but she brought pepper spray.

*Credit to America's Got Talent comedian (I don't remember his name)

Are you a VIRGIN?

Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.

After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"

"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.

"Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Joe was amazed!

"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"

Blind Date joke, Are you a VIRGIN?

Best listener

Girl: My boyfriend never listens to me.
Friend: You should date a blind mute.
Girl: why?
Friend: he's all ears

Pirate jokes I've heard throughout my life

What did the pirate say when the steering wheel was shoved down his pants?
ARGHHHHH your driven me nuts!
Why was the pirate dissatisfied with his blind date?
She had a sunken chest and no booty.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
They can spend years stuck at sea!
And of course: Why couldn't the teenagers watch the pirate movie?
BECAUSE IT WAS RATED ARRRRRRRRRRR!!!

How did Helen Keller meet her husband?

On a blind date!

Blind dates are the best

They don't even see me coming

You can explore blind date eyesight reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean blind date blindfold dad jokes. There are also blind date puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The other night I went out on a blind date

Well it didn't start out that way, she had mace.

How did Stevie Wonder meet his wife?

On a blind date

What did one diabetic say to the other diabetic, on their blind date?

I'm sorry, but you're just not my type.

Apparently The Hulk's blind date went well.

I asked him about it today and he just said "Hulk Smash."

I went on a blind date once...

...her name was ....:::..... ::...:..:...:

Blind Date joke, I went on a blind date once...

I had a blind date last night

At least I think it was a date. The blindfold and duct tape was a bit different.

I asked my sister how her blind date went

"Oh it was terrible" she said, "He showed up in a 1948 Rolls-Royce."

"So what's so bad about *that*?" I asked.

Apparently he was the original owner.

My first blind date.

My friend set me up on a blind date and all I had was the phone number of the guy I was supposed to meet. So I call him up and ask how will I recognize him?
"I am 175cm tall and weigh 75kg and I will be standing in the corner. What about you?"
I replied, "Well, I guess I will be the one with a tape measure and a bathroom scale..."


Went on a weird blind date

We met at a place downtown. My date introduced himself as Tim.

"So Tim, what do you do for a living?"

He hesitated for a second, "I work for the thought police."

I was clearly taken aback.

Tim: "Now, before you say anything...I know what you're thinking..."

What's the worst question you can ask a blind date?

"So.. you seeing anyone?"

Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend........

Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend. Her mom wanted to help her, so she set up a blind date for her daughter.
When the girl got back from the date she said "That was the worst night of my life!"
"Why is that?" her mom asked.
"He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce!"
"Isn't that a good thing?"
"He's the original owner mom!"

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date.

Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him on the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."

"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

What did the blind date do when she saw Ed?

She ran.

I was on a blind date

She said "You're so ugly I'm going to need you to wear a plastic bag over your head".

I said "You mean a paper bag?"

She replied "I don't think you understand how ugly you are."

My sister got set up for a blind date

My dad said "Thank goodness he's blind, that way he doesn't have to see your face!"

What kind of dates do scientists like to be set up on?

Double blind

I once dated a blind girl for 6 months.

She had no idea.

I used to date a blind girl

At first, I was so excited that she told me she'd been seeing people

I was on a blind date with this girl...

And I told her, being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed. She asked "what's the best way?"
I said "a big knife."
She laughed and said "you're funny."
I said "wise choice."

I love dating blind girls

You don't have to worry about them seeing other people.

A man is on a blind date with a girl named Marie and things heat up a little...

He asks her, "Would you object to sex?"

Marie tells him, a little embarrassed, "That's something I've never done."

With this he says, "Really? I've never had sex with a virgin."

Marie replies, "No, silly! I never object."

What do you call a vegan blind date?

A taxi.

A while ago I had a blind date with a Jewish girl

She asked me for my number.

I told her that we usually use names.

Blind Date

Her: I'm a big country fan

*Trying to Impress her
Me: China is very large

I went on a blind date with a recovering alcoholic and as the night wore on I really came to despise her..

I listened to that little voice in the back of my head and decided to give her a shot.

Went on a blind date with a chiropractor who told be she was Innate.

I was like, "That's generous...because you ain't even a six."

Had a blind date last night.

Her name was ..:::.::…..:::.::

What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right

My buddy set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby."

I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper...

Strapped For Cash

During college, I worked on 
a conveyor belt. One day, I was 
on a blind date, and she asked me about my job.
I work at the end of a belt, I said.

With an ebullient smile, she asked, Are you the buckle?

Always bring a cane to a first date.

You never know, it might be blind love.

What's a pirates worst fear on a blind date?

A sunken chest and no booty.

I dated a blind girl once

It was rewarding but challenging. It took months to really perfect her husband's voice.

I was extremely nervous meeting my blind date that I felt faint....

I became weak at Denise

Where do West Virginians go for Blind Dates?

Olive Garden..when you're here you're family.

A pilot and his co-pilot go on a blind date with the same stewardess.

Let's just say more than one cockpit was being occupied that night.

Do you know what type of people go only on blind dates?

Blind people.

Last night I dated a blind woman

At one point she ran her hands over my cheeks and mistook my acne for braille. Boy, was my face read.

How did I get a date with a blind girl?

Well, it was easy, she wasn't seeing anyone.

You've heard of "boy who cried wolf", but what about "man who cried pig"?

I heard the rest of the blind date was pretty awkward!

Today my friend went on a blind date

He is ugly
But good for him
She couldn't tell.

I went out on a blind date with a candle...

It wasn't a good match.

I was set up on a blind date the other day by my friend, as I was getting ready he said "heads up, she's expecting a baby"

Now I feel pretty daft sitting in this restaurant wearing a diaper

Why is Stevie wonders calendar like meeting people on tinder?

It's all blind dates...

I decided to try out a blind date

and been standing here outside the restaurant for an hour with my eyes covered, I don't think she's coming

I asked my blind date to meet me at the gym... but she never showed up :(

...guess the two of us are never gonna work out

I used to date a girl who was blind.

She broke up with me when I told her we should see other people.

I'd like to go on a blind date

But I can't see it happening

Vegan lady and a butcher

A vegan lady went on a blind date with a man. She asked him what do you do for a living. He said he is a butcher. The lady said "eww that's grouse".
The butcher replied "a person who sells vegetables is grocer".

It was very difficult and challenging for me to date a blind girl.

It took me days to speak in her husband's voice perfectly.

I asked a blind girl out on a date

She said she was seeing someone

A pilot is flying a plane and shortly after mid-air announcement , forgets to turn off the mic.

He then mentions to his copilot : "I am dating that cute air hostess. After we land , we will go to the hotel and bang. "
The air hostess after hearing this runs towards the front of the plane at full speed to tell the pilot to turn off the mic and hits a blind man's stick and falls down.
The guy sitting on the other side says : "Why are you in such a hurry , we haven't even landed yet! "

My mate set me up on a blind date.

He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."

I felt like a right idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!

Abby's roommate had a blind date.

"How did it go?" Abby asked her.

"Terrible!"she answered. "He showed up in a 1950 Rolls Royce."

"Wow!" remarked Abby. "That's a very expensive car. He must be very rich. What's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner."

A friend set me up on a blind date. He said "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know. She's expecting a baby"

I felt like a right idiot sitting in a bar wearing nothing but a diaper.

I went on a blind date with a fellow movie buff

Talk soon started about our love of the silver screen. She asked if I was in to Indie films and I said" of course they are some of the best!". "ok", she replied, "what's your favourite then?"

"I don't think you can look past Raiders of the Lost Ark personally, but the Last crusade is a close 2nd"

I asked a blind girl out on a date in braille

and she left me on felt

What did 8 say to 4...?

I don't know if this joke has been done before, English is not my native language, but I thought of this myself (I think)
Here it goes:

What did 8 say to 4 after her blind date with 3?
- Well, he seems to be in his prime, but he is also a little odd. I've set you up on a blind date and now you got me that blind date, so I think we're even.

[Blind Date] Guy: Hi, my name is Heath.

Girl: Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Heather.

Guy: This isn't a competition.

I asked a girl whether she would date a blue-collar man like me

She said blue or white don't matter, she's collar blind.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the blind date dates jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working blind date cataracts piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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