Blind Date Jokes

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

A guy goes on a blind date for the first time...

...And is kind of having a hard time getting a conversation started. He decides to try to get her to talk with a very simple topic: Music.
"Do you like dubstep?" He asks.
"Like it?" She responds, with an excited look on her face. "I wub it!"

Best listener

Girl: My boyfriend never listens to me.
Friend: You should date a blind mute.
Girl: why?
Friend: he's all ears

How did Helen Keller meet her husband?

On a blind date!

Blind dates are the best

They don't even see me coming

The other night I went out on a blind date

Well it didn't start out that way, she had mace.

So I had a blind date this weekend...

I lied.
 
She could see.

What did one diabetic say to the other diabetic, on their blind date?

I'm sorry, but you're just not my type.

Apparently The Hulk's blind date went well.

I asked him about it today and he just said "Hulk Smash."

A guy was getting ready to go on a date with his blind girlfriend when she asked him, "How do I look?"

He said, "You can't".

I had a blind date last night

At least I think it was a date. The blindfold and duct tape was a bit different.

My first blind date.

My friend set me up on a blind date and all I had was the phone number of the guy I was supposed to meet. So I call him up and ask how will I recognize him?
"I am 175cm tall and weigh 75kg and I will be standing in the corner. What about you?"
I replied, "Well, I guess I will be the one with a tape measure and a bathroom scale..."

Went on a weird blind date

We met at a place downtown. My date introduced himself as Tim.
"So Tim, what do you do for a living?"
He hesitated for a second, "I work for the thought police."
I was clearly taken aback.
Tim: "Now, before you say anything...I know what you're thinking..."

What's the worst question you can ask a blind date?

"So.. you seeing anyone?"

Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend........

Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend. Her mom wanted to help her, so she set up a blind date for her daughter.
When the girl got back from the date she said "That was the worst night of my life!"
"Why is that?" her mom asked.
"He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce!"
"Isn't that a good thing?"
"He's the original owner mom!"

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date.

Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him on the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

What did the blind date do when she saw Ed?

She ran.

My sister got set up for a blind date

My dad said "Thank goodness he's blind, that way he doesn't have to see your face!"

What kind of dates do scientists like to be set up on?

Double blind

I was on a blind date with this girl...

And I told her, being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed. She asked "what's the best way?"
I said "a big knife."
She laughed and said "you're funny."
I said "wise choice."

Blind Date

Her: I'm a big country fan
*Trying to Impress her
Me: China is very large

I went on a blind date with a recovering alcoholic and as the night wore on I really came to despise her..

I listened to that little voice in the back of my head and decided to give her a shot.

Went on a blind date with a chiropractor who told be she was Innate.

I was like, "That's generous...because you ain't even a six."

Did you hear about the blind guy who went on a blind date?

He couldn't see it going anywhere, but something felt right.

Strapped For Cash

During college, I worked on 
a conveyor belt. One day, I was 
on a blind date, and she asked me about my job.
I work at the end of a belt, I said.
With an ebullient smile, she asked, Are you the buckle?

Always bring a cane to a first date.

You never know, it might be blind love.

I was extremely nervous meeting my blind date that I felt faint....

I became weak at Denise

Where do West Virginians go for Blind Dates?

Olive Garden..when you're here you're family.

A pilot and his co-pilot go on a blind date with the same stewardess.

Let's just say more than one cockpit was being occupied that night.

Do you know what type of people go only on blind dates?

Blind people.

You've heard of "boy who cried wolf", but what about "man who cried pig"?

I heard the rest of the blind date was pretty awkward!

Today my friend went on a blind date

He is ugly
But good for him
She couldn't tell.

Nobody ever sees me coming.

That's because I only date blind girls.

What did the apiarist say when his blind date turned out to be a fatty?

Oh, bees!

Geraldine went on a blind date with a really creepy guy

It was intimiDating

I went out on a blind date with a candle...

It wasn't a good match.

Why is Stevie wonders calendar like meeting people on tinder?

It's all blind dates...

I decided to try out a blind date

and been standing here outside the restaurant for an hour with my eyes covered, I don't think she's coming

I used to date a girl who was blind.

She broke up with me when I told her we should see other people.

I'd like to go on a blind date

But I can't see it happening

Vegan lady and a butcher

A vegan lady went on a blind date with a man. She asked him what do you do for a living. He said he is a butcher. The lady said "eww that's grouse".
The butcher replied "a person who sells vegetables is grocer".

It was very difficult and challenging for me to date a blind girl.

It took me days to speak in her husband's voice perfectly.

A pilot is flying a plane and shortly after mid-air announcement , forgets to turn off the mic.

He then mentions to his copilot : "I am dating that cute air hostess. After we land , we will go to the hotel and bang. "
The air hostess after hearing this runs towards the front of the plane at full speed to tell the pilot to turn off the mic and hits a blind man's stick and falls down.
The guy sitting on the other side says : "Why are you in such a hurry , we haven't even landed yet! "

I went on a blind date with a fellow movie buff

Talk soon started about our love of the silver screen. She asked if I was in to Indie films and I said" of course they are some of the best!". "ok", she replied, "what's your favourite then?"
"I don't think you can look past Raiders of the Lost Ark personally, but the Last crusade is a close 2nd"

What did 8 say to 4...?

I don't know if this joke has been done before, English is not my native language, but I thought of this myself (I think)
Here it goes:
What did 8 say to 4 after her blind date with 3?
- Well, he seems to be in his prime, but he is also a little odd. I've set you up on a blind date and now you got me that blind date, so I think we're even.

The blind date

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm meeting my blind date here tonight," he tells the bartender. "She's the sister of one of my friends. All he told me was that she was blonde and is expecting a baby." "Well," the bartender replies. "That explains why you're sitting here in just a diaper."

So a guy and a girl are on a blind date.

The girl says to the guy, So, Gerry, what do you do for a living?
Gerry immediately bends down to pick something up from under the table. He pulls out a stuffed gopher, and shows it to the girl. Oh, yeah, he says, I'm a taxidermist.
The girl replies with Oh, that's cool.
Then the gopher says, And a ventriloquist.

My girlfriend hated that I told blind jokes

Years ago I dated a girl for about 6 months. We got along super well. I met her family, and she met mine. Things were getting pretty serious between us.
The only thing that we really argued about was my blind jokes. I loved saying them and she hated them. In her defense, she had a blind brother so that's why it bothered her. One day I got a call, and found out that she got in a car accident and lost her sight.
After that she just stopped seeing me.

A girl returned back from her blind date, her roommate asked how was it ?

"it was lousy, he kept talking about how we can head back to his house to see the 1956 Ferrari 250GT."
" Wow,must be a rich guy "
"Yeah, and he was also the original owner".

Prayers before going on a blind date

Woman : oh god, I just hope he is not a serial killer,psychopath,needy, incel, stalker, poor,balding, ...
Man : god , don't let her be fat..

What did the Battery say on his Blind Date?

I have a lot of energy and I am a pretty positive guy. But I do have a negative side.

So my blind date said "Tell me something quirky about yourself" and I said "Whenever I'm talking to someone and I think they're a waste of time, I start blethering on about Russian tanks"

She said "Wow, that's actually kind of weird" and I said "Yeah, but actually, the T-34 and the KVs really gave the Germans a shock in 1941".

What's the best part about a blind date?

The guide dogs.

A guy and a girl are set up on a blind date…

… despite some apprehension they both hit it off and agree to a second date.
Date two comes and there's even more fireworks, ending with a kiss goodnight.
Finally, a third date comes and at the end she invites him inside to spend the night.
As they're fooling around, she says If we're going to go to bed together, theres probably something you should know. When I was a little girl I was in an accident and I lost both my feet, so both my feet are prosthetic .
Slightly taken aback, the guy says I'm really sorry, I like you a lot. But if that's the case we can't be together .
Obviously very upset, she asks Why?! Are you a bigot or something?!
No he replies I'm lack-toes intolerant .

How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.

Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?
"He was the original owner!"