Giggle-Inducing Blew Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
Wife was breastfeeding
Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
Me: yeah he is really milking it
Two deer walk out of a gay bar
One turns and says to the other, "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.
Oof
So a guy walks into a bar...
So a guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Whiskey?"
"No," says the customer, "just water; i was so drunk last night that I went home and blew Chunks."
The bartender tries to console him, saying "Oh come now, everyone gets a bit wasted from time to time."
To which the guy replies, "No, you don't understand: Chunks is my dog."
What did the gay deer say after leaving the club?
I can't believe I blew ten bucks in there.
A penguin is having car trouble...
A penguin is having car trouble, so he stops by a mechanic's shop for some repairs. He tells him he will need about an hour to find out what's wrong. The penguin walks downtown and it's a hot day, so he stops to get some ice cream. He doesn't have any arms to eat the ice cream with, so he just sticks his beak right into it. The penguin returns to the shop and the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies "Nah man, it's just ice cream."
What did the Mexican say when a gust of wind blew his homework out the window?
Come back essay!
I had to pee really bad at the swimming pool yesterday, so I tried to sneak it in at the deep end...
But the lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in.
So a deer walks into a gay bar...
Two hours and several drinks later, he walks out and says to himself, "Wow. I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there..."
two deer are leaving a gay bar
one turns to the other and says "I cant believe I blew 40 bucks in there"
A penguin was driving along...
A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said "It'll be about an hour" so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, but made a mess because of his flippers. He went back to the mechanic who had just got under his car. The mechanic rolled out from underneath and said "looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replied "no, it's ice cream".
You can explore blew oxidants reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean blew gust dad jokes. There are also blew puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A deer walks out of a gay bar...
"Wow. I can't believe I just blew sixty bucks!"
A penguin takes his car to the mechanic....
The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to fix. The penguin heads over to the 7-11 across the street to kill some time and have an ice cream. But because he has clumsy little flippers he gets the ice cream all over his beak.
When he goes back to the mechanic, the mechanic tells him, "well, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "no, that's just a bit of ice cream."
A penguin is driving....
down the street when his car starts sputtering. He pulls into the next mechanics shop and asks him to take a look. mechanic says it will be about an hour. While waiting the penguin decides to go next door to the malt shop and get an ice cream cone. an hour later the penguin goes back to the mechanic.
the mechanic looks at him and says "looks like you blew a seal".
"oh no I just had some ice cream" said the penguin wiping his face.
My favorite p**... told me she was a licensed psychologist...
Blew my mind.
Three men are standing before a judge.
The judge asks the first man why he was arrested. " I blew bubbles in the park.", the man said.
"That is not a crime. You are free to go.", the judge replies. He then asks the second man why he was arrested.
"I also blew bubbles in the park.", he said. The judge said that he didn't break the law and was free to go. The judge then ask the third man why he was arrested.
"I'm Bubbles."
What is the main difference between a drag show and a drag race?
The phrase "I blew a t**..." means something totally different.
Two deer are leaving a gay bar...
and one say to the other in disappointment "man, I can't believe I blew 20 bucks in there"
Once i did the "is your dad a t**...?, because you are a bomb.." line to a muslim girl.
Totally blew up in my face
4 college students are having a great time on spring break.
So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".
The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".
So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.
When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.
When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"
A gay deer walks into a bar
After a long night he comes stumbling out and says, "I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks in there"
A Pirate's Life
A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:
"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"
" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off".
"What about the eye-patch?".
"I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye".
"Well, that doesn't qualify an eye patch, now does it?"
"Arrrgh, it was the first day I got me hook".
I am s**... bomber AMA
Wow this blew up fast.
TIL in 1974 Russians accidentally blew up their own submarine, thinking it was an enemy
Oops, wrong sub
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 didn't have a removable battery and blew up in everybody's pocket
I could see my girlfriend was furious when I blew my load last night...
I could see it in her eyes.
A little girl asks her mother why her name is Feather
"You see, daughter - when you were born, a feather blew in through the window and landed on your head." she replies.
"Then why is my name Leaf?" Asked her little brother. "You see," replied his mother - "when you were born, a leaf blew in through the window and landed on your head."
In comes the youngest brother, and yells:
"BLARRRG BLARR BLARR!"
His mother calmly replies,
"Please be quiet, Refrigerator."
Where did the orphans go after the Orphanage blew up?
Everywhere
Did you hear about the bomb that blew up a French cheese shop?
There's de brie everywhere.
Roses are red, Violets are blue
h**... blew an 11 country lead during World War 2
I was having a quick wee in the deep end of the swimming pool when the lifeguard blew his whistle.
It was so loud I nearly fell in.
In my hometown, a barber got arrested for selling drugs.
Blew my mind. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.
What is the colour of the Wind?
Blew.
Turns out my psychologist is also a p**......
Totally blew my mind
What did the gay deer say when he left the bar?
I can't believe I blew fifty bucks in there.
Another penguin joke. n**...
A penguin takes his car in to a mechanic, and the mechanic tells him it will be an hour until he is ready. So the penguin decides to get an ice cream cone.
Penguins don't have opposable thumbs let alone fingers so he ends up with ice cream all over himself.
Later, he returns to the mechanic who says"I found the problem. It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, I just ate some ice cream."
Two deer walk out of a gay bar.
The one deer turns to his friend and says "Man, I blew like 30 bucks in there."
Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat
Then I remember they feed off of attention.
EDIT 1: This blew up quick thanks guys :D
EDUT 2: When I typed edit 1 it had 500 upvotes now im waking up to 29K upvotes thanks eveyone :D
Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory.
There's de Brie everywhere
A gay deer walks out of a bar and says,
"Man I can't believe I blew 50 bucks in there!"
Two deer walk out of a gay bar
One looks at the other and says, man, I blew like, twenty bucks in there!
A bass player joke.
A dad gets his son a bass and lessons for his birthday. When the son comes home from his first lesson dad asks, " what did you learn at your first bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4...5 notes on the E string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your second bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4..5 notes on the A string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your third bass lesson son?"
"I blew it off I had a gig."
A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove
When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.
On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?
The guy falling responded, Nope, you know anything about parachutes?
My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette.
Blew his mind.
They say I'm overconfident
Edit 1: Thanks for the silver!
Edit 2: Thanks for the gold!
Edit 3: Thanks for the platinum!
Edit 4: Wow this really blew up!
I am a proud anti-vaccine Father of 3.
Edit- Two Now
2nd Edit- One Now
3rd Edit- Nevermind
4th Edit- WOW this really blew up. I would like to dedicate all these wonderful awards to my 3 children Byeson, Dieanne, and Ammunity. They would have been so proud. RIP
Do you remember when air was free at the gas station, and now it's $1.50? You know why?
Inflation
Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!!
Bragging Doctors
Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."
Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more, and later he won an Olympic gold medal in the decathlon."
Doc 3 chucked condescendingly. "Child's play. I had a patient who was in a horrible e**.... He was blown to bits. All they found was a huge, gaping a**.... I put a suit and tie on it, and now he's the owner and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys!"
I was cleaning one of my finger guns.
I accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
What did the Redditor say when the bombs he placed in the bank finally exploded?
Woah, this blew up! Thanks for the gold!
Two deer walk out of a gay bar.
One says to the other, I can't believe I blew 20 bucks in there!
What does a redditor say when he detonates a bank vault?
Wow, this blew up. Thanks for the gold.
Three old men are lounging in chairs on the beach in the French Riviera.
One of them says, "I had a business but it burned to the ground. With the insurance money I was able to retire here."
Another said, "Well that's a coincidence. I had a business that had a gas leak and blew up and the insurance money allowed me to retire here."
The third guy said, "You're not gonna believe this but I had a business and it was destroyed by a flood and I was able to retire here with the insurance settlement."
After a pause, the first guy asked the third guy, "So who do you call to arrange a flood?"
Whats a wind turbines favourite colour?
Blew!
So I read an article today that blew my mind from a math nerd/science person perspective.
Apparently factories are not making the 12 inch ruler any longer.
Yo mama joke I thought of it
Yo mama is so fat and old that she's still eating from the last supper.
Edit : Jesus Christ this blew up. Didn't know so many of you had to release yo mamas from your system.
I gave my children a warning about using their whistle in the house, they had one last chance…
Unfortunately… they blew it
One of my happiest memory is when I won the science fair in highschool.
I mixed charcoal, saltpetre and sulfur and blew away the competition
What did the female reindeers do when their boyfriends were off of Santa delivering presents on Christmas Eve?
They went to the nearest pub and blew a few bucks.
Did you hear about the influencer who became a s**... bomber?
At first he had barely any followers, but then he blew up.
What did the blonde say when her boyfriend blew in her ear?
Thanks for the refill…
i once lost my watch..
i once lost my watch at a party. after an hour of searching, i saw a guy harassing a woman while stepping on my watch. i immediately went to him, kicked him, and saved the woman. no one ever harasses a female, not on my watch
edit- damn this blew up like a time bomb
