Blew Jokes

156 blew jokes and hilarious blew puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blew that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Blew Short Jokes

Short blew jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blew humour may include short blows jokes also.

  1. Wife was breastfeeding Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
    Me: yeah he is really milking it
  2. Two deer walk out of a gay bar One turns and says to the other, "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."
  3. Two deer walk out of a gay bar One looks at the other and says, man, I blew like, twenty bucks in there!
  4. Do you remember when air was free at the gas station, and now it's $1.50? You know why? inflation
    Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!!
  5. TIL in 1974 Russians accidentally blew up their own submarine, thinking it was an enemy Oops, wrong sub
  6. They say I'm overconfident Edit 1: Thanks for the silver!
    Edit 2: Thanks for the gold!
    Edit 3: Thanks for the platinum!
    Edit 4: Wow this really blew up!
  7. two deer are leaving a gay bar one turns to the other and says "I cant believe I blew 40 bucks in there"
  8. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 didn't have a removable battery and blew up in everybody's pocket
  9. In my hometown, a barber got arrested for selling drugs. Blew my mind. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.
  10. What did the gay deer say when he left the bar? I can't believe I blew fifty bucks in there.

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Blew One Liners

Which blew one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blew? I can suggest the ones about blown away and wind blows.

  1. A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night. Oof
  2. I was cleaning one of my finger guns. I accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
  3. A gay deer walks out of a bar and says, "Man I can't believe I blew 50 bucks in there!"
  4. What is the colour of the Wind? Blew.
  5. Whats a wind turbines favourite colour? Blew!
  6. Where did the orphans go after the Orphanage blew up? Everywhere
  7. Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory. There's de Brie everywhere
  8. A deer walks out of a gay bar... "Wow. I can't believe I just blew sixty bucks!"
  9. What did the gay deer say leaving the nightclub? I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks!
  10. I blew up my chemistry experiment Oxidants happen.
  11. What is the color of the wind? Blew.
  12. A storm blew off part of my roof last night Oof
  13. The invention of the fan.... Blew people away
  14. Qassem Soleimani is so popular today. I mean he just blew up overnight.
  15. A dear walked into a gay bar A dear walked into a gay bar, blew 10 bucks, and left.

Blew Mind Jokes

Here is a list of funny blew mind jokes and even better blew mind puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.
  • So I read an article today that blew my mind from a math nerd/science person perspective. Apparently factories are not making the 12 inch ruler any longer.
  • I went to a neurosurgeon who was once a demolitions expert He blew my mind
  • Did you hear about the philosophical gunman? He blew people's minds.
  • I once went to a blonde psychiatrist She blew my mind.
  • A barber in my hometown just got busted for selling drugs. It blew my mind.. I had no idea that he was a barber.
  • A third old woman, full of happiness, asks her granddaughter; "My sweety, remind me please.. What’s the name of that German guy that blew my mind off...?"
    "Alzheimer, granny!"
  • is my brain in your mouth? because... you just blew my mind.
  • Just the other day I was impressing my friend by demonstrating just how safe it is to play catch with a live hand grenade. It totally blew his mind.
  • Did you guys know it has already been 55 years since JFK's assassination? Blew my friggin mind!
Blew joke, Did you guys know it has already been 55 years since JFK's assassination?

Giggle-Inducing Blew Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about blew you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean exploded jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blew pranks.

A penguin took his car to the mechanic.

The penguin left to get some ice cream and returned a few minutes later.
"It looks like you blew a seal" said the mechanic.
"g**..., its just ice cream" replied the penguin.

A penguin talks his snowmobile in to get fixed.

The mechanic takes a look at it and says "looks like you blew a seal." penguin replies "no, that's just frosting on my lip."

So a guy walks into a bar...

So a guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Whiskey?"
"No," says the customer, "just water; i was so drunk last night that I went home and blew Chunks."
The bartender tries to console him, saying "Oh come now, everyone gets a bit wasted from time to time."
To which the guy replies, "No, you don't understand: Chunks is my dog."

Ice cream

A penguin was having car trouble and decided to take it in to the shop. When the mechanic told him it would be a while he decided to walk around and do some shopping. After a bit he stopped off for an ice cream cone. Finally, he heads back to the auto shop. "Looks like you blew a seal." says the mechanic. "no" replied the penguin, "it's just a little ice cream."

What did the gay deer say after leaving the club?

I can't believe I blew ten bucks in there.

Did you hear about the guy who blew his entire lottery winnings on a limousine?

He had nothing left to chauffeur it.

A penguin is having car trouble...

A penguin is having car trouble, so he stops by a mechanic's shop for some repairs. He tells him he will need about an hour to find out what's wrong. The penguin walks downtown and it's a hot day, so he stops to get some ice cream. He doesn't have any arms to eat the ice cream with, so he just sticks his beak right into it. The penguin returns to the shop and the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies "Nah man, it's just ice cream."


A guy says to his friend "Man, I feel terrible. Last night I drank too much, came home and blew chunks."
Friend says "aw don't worry mate, that happens to all of us"
Guy says "you don't understand; my dog's name is 'Chunks'"

What did the Mexican say when a gust of wind blew his homework out the window?

Come back essay!

Two guys were drinking and having a conversation in a bar

During the conversation o**... says to the other
"I blew a t**... over the weekend. It leaked everywhere and it cost me a small fortune".
Upon hearing this, his friend says. "When did they say you can pick up your car?".
Confused, the first guy said "Car? What car?"

Why was the candle mad at his friend?

He blew him off.

I had to pee really bad at the swimming pool yesterday, so I tried to sneak it in at the deep end...

But the lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in.

When my wife told me she was going to give me some mental o**... s**..., I thought it was going to be silly.....

....but she actually blew my mind!

So a deer walks into a gay bar...

Two hours and several drinks later, he walks out and says to himself, "Wow. I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there..."

Three guys meet in class after a superbowl sunday, still super hungover from the night before.

The first guy pipes up and says 'Fuck. i got so drunk last night I blew chunks.' The second guy cuts him off nearly immediately screaming 'oh yeah? I was so drunk I emptied my bank account at the s**... club after. I have no money to pay rent now.' The third guy laughs at both of them and said 'that's nothing. I was so wasted last night, I sold my car to a homeless guy for 50 cents.' Finally the first guy cuts them both off. 'You guys don't understand.....Chunks is my girlfriends golden retriever.'

A penguin was driving along...

A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said "It'll be about an hour" so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, but made a mess because of his flippers. He went back to the mechanic who had just got under his car. The mechanic rolled out from underneath and said "looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replied "no, it's ice cream".

2 deer walk out of a bar

1st deer: Man that was crazy in there
2nd: ya I can't believe I just blew 40 bucks!

So a penguin is driving along one day...

... and has engine trouble. So he stops at an autoshop and they get to work on his car. It's a rather hot day, so he walks over to the convenience story and buys an ice cream cone.
As he's finishing the cone, the mechanic walks over to him and says "Looks like you blew a seal."
"No no!" he cries, "It's just ice cream!"

Man walks into a bar and orders a water...

The bartender, looking puzzled, says to the guy "but you were just in here last night getting hammered. What gives?"
The man responds, "Yeah, I quit drinking after I went home last night and blew chunks."
The bartender says, "That's not a big deal man. Everyone does it."
And the man says, "you don't understand. Chunks is my dog."

A penguin takes his car to the mechanic....

The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to fix. The penguin heads over to the 7-11 across the street to kill some time and have an ice cream. But because he has clumsy little flippers he gets the ice cream all over his beak.
When he goes back to the mechanic, the mechanic tells him, "well, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "no, that's just a bit of ice cream."

I drank so much I blew Chunks

Jon : Oh Ted, I had a terrible night. I drank so much that when I got home, I blew chunks.
Ted: Hey, thats not so bad. At least you were in the comfort of your own home.
Jon: No, you dont understand. Chunks is my dog...

This year I got my wife the Baking Bible for Christmas

because last year I got her the Baking Quran, which really blew up in my face.

What did one radical muslim say to the other after a successful day of bombings?

j**... a chance, and you blew it.

A penguin is driving....

down the street when his car starts sputtering. He pulls into the next mechanics shop and asks him to take a look. mechanic says it will be about an hour. While waiting the penguin decides to go next door to the malt shop and get an ice cream cone. an hour later the penguin goes back to the mechanic.
the mechanic looks at him and says "looks like you blew a seal".
"oh no I just had some ice cream" said the penguin wiping his face.

My favorite p**... told me she was a licensed psychologist...

Blew my mind.

Three men are standing before a judge.

The judge asks the first man why he was arrested. " I blew bubbles in the park.", the man said.
"That is not a crime. You are free to go.", the judge replies. He then asks the second man why he was arrested.
"I also blew bubbles in the park.", he said. The judge said that he didn't break the law and was free to go. The judge then ask the third man why he was arrested.
"I'm Bubbles."

What is the main difference between a drag show and a drag race?

The phrase "I blew a t**..." means something totally different.

Two deer are leaving a gay bar...

and one say to the other in disappointment "man, I can't believe I blew 20 bucks in there"

Once i did the "is your dad a t**...?, because you are a bomb.." line to a muslim girl.

Totally blew up in my face

A penguin's car broke down in the middle of the city.

So he got his car towed to a mechanic's shop and walked to an ice-cream shop to grab a large cone.
After about 20 minutes, he walked back to the mechanic's shop and asked if he knew what the problem was.
"It looks like you blew a seal," said the mechanic.
"No, no, I swear to god it's just ice-cream."

4 college students are having a great time on spring break.

So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".
The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".
So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.
When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.
When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"

What did one deer say to the other after leaving the bar?

I can't believe you just blew 50 bucks in there

A gay deer walks into a bar

After a long night he comes stumbling out and says, "I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks in there"

A teacher is asking children how their weekend went...

And young Johnny said, "It was great, Miss! Me and my Dad went to the outback! We stuck big sticks of dynamite up cane toads' arses!"
The teacher replies, "Johnny! The correct term is r**...'."
"That's right, Miss! Wrecked 'em! Blew 'em to bits!"

A man said to me, "Man, I was so wasted last night I went home and blew chunks!"

I said, "most people are sick after drinking too much."
"No, you don't understand." he replied. "Chunks is my pitbull."

Someone blew up a department store because they didn't stock basic clothing...

There were no casual tees.

A Pirate's Life

A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:
"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"
" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off".
"What about the eye-patch?".
"I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye".
"Well, that doesn't qualify an eye patch, now does it?"
"Arrrgh, it was the first day I got me hook".

I am s**... bomber AMA

Wow this blew up fast.

A man is sobbing into his beer...

It being a slow night, the bartender asks him what's wrong and offers him some sympathy.
The man responds "My roommate says I should quit drinking, last night I came home and I blew chunks all over the living room."
"Harsh," the bartender replies, "But that's hardly a reason to quit drinking."
"No man, I blew chunks in the kitchen, I blew chunks on the stairs, I blew chunks in the bathroom, I blew chunks EVERYWHERE."
"I'd hate to agree with your roommate, seeing as how that means less business for me, but maybe he's got a point. That's an awful lot of v**... to have to mop up..."
"No, no, you don't understand," The man sobbed, "Chunks is my Dog."

Two gay deer walk out of a gay deer bar...

Two gay deer walk out of a gay deer bar. One says to the other, "I had a great time in there, you?" The other deer responds, "Yeah, but I blew about 20 bucks."

The Worst Natural Disaster

So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.
* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a deep impact.
But in the end, Avalanche won by a landslide.

I was wondering how close the twister was...

The answer blew me away

Why did the power go out when Optimus Prime got his first b**...?

Someone blew a transformer.

Man walks into a bar

Says to the bartender "let me get a bottle of anything that's not v**...."
Bartender says "why not v**...?"
Man replies "well I drank a whole bottle of that last night and blew chunks."
Bartender says "drink a whole bottle of anything and you'll throw up."
Man says "no you don't understand, chunks is my dog."

Samsung Gn7 user here. despite all the a**... they're getting I was surprised that it's actually a really great phone

I mean the battery life alone just blew me away

I could see my girlfriend was furious when I blew my load last night...

I could see it in her eyes.

Two deer are outside a gay bar

And one says, "I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks in there"

A little girl asks her mother why her name is Feather

"You see, daughter - when you were born, a feather blew in through the window and landed on your head." she replies.
"Then why is my name Leaf?" Asked her little brother. "You see," replied his mother - "when you were born, a leaf blew in through the window and landed on your head."
In comes the youngest brother, and yells:
His mother calmly replies,
"Please be quiet, Refrigerator."

Two deer walk out of a gay bar

As they are leaving one says to the other, "I can't believe you blew forty bucks in there!"

A penguin brings his car into the shop

The mechanic says he needs an hour to check it out, so the penguin walks to 7-11 and buys an ice cream to kill the time. Since the poor guy's got no hands, he gets the ice cream all over his beak. When he's done he walks back into the shop, and the mechanic tells him "Well, it looks like you blew a seal." Penguin says "No, that's just a little ice cream"

Don't let the Golden State Warriors blowing a 3 - 1 lead in the NBA finals..

..distract you from the fact that the British blew a 13 colony lead in 1776

Did you hear about the bomb that blew up a French cheese shop?

There's de brie everywhere.

A penguin takes his car to the shop for maintenance.

He goes across the street to a ice cream stand for a vinilla cone. Later he goes back to the shop to check on his car. Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin goes "No, it's just ice cream".

Roses are red, Violets are blue

h**... blew an 11 country lead during World War 2

I tried to tell a joke about a s**... bomber today

But it just blew up in my face

A deer walks into a gay bar

He comes out wasted, saying "I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there!"


A penguin is driving along in his car when it breaks down. Fortunately, there's a mechanic nearby and the car can be repaired.
While the car is in the garage, the penguin decides to waddle to the town to get a vanilla ice-cream. He eats it but forgets to wipe his mouth.
When he returns to the garage, the mechanic says "I think you blew a seal". The penguin replies "Nope, that's just ice-cream!"

A man walks into a bar...

And asks the bartender "Get me a drink. I'll take anything but Bud Lite."
Bartender asks "What do you have against Bud Lite?"
"Well last time I drank that stuff I killed 21 bottles, went home and blew chunks." He answered
"You must be s**...! Drinking 21 of anything will make you blow chunks." Replied the bartender
"I think you misunderstood." Says the man "Chunks is my dog!"

I was having a quick wee in the deep end of the swimming pool when the lifeguard blew his whistle.

It was so loud I nearly fell in.

Turns out my psychologist is also a p**......

Totally blew my mind

A penguin's car breaks down

He brings it to his mechanic and the mechanic tells him it will take a while to diagnose the issue. It's a hot day out and so the penguin decides to go across the street to have an ice cream cone while he waits. He then returns to the mechanic's shop and his mechanic says "well, it looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replies "oh no, this is just ice cream"

"Man, I got so drunk last night I blew chunks..."

"Don't worry, dude; we've all done that at some point"
"You don't understand, Chunks is my dog..."

Another penguin joke. n**...

A penguin takes his car in to a mechanic, and the mechanic tells him it will be an hour until he is ready. So the penguin decides to get an ice cream cone.
Penguins don't have opposable thumbs let alone fingers so he ends up with ice cream all over himself.
Later, he returns to the mechanic who says"I found the problem. It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, I just ate some ice cream."

Two deer walk out of a gay bar.

The one deer turns to his friend and says "Man, I blew like 30 bucks in there."

I just put C4 in my washer

And blew my load

Who are the worlds fastest readers?

9/11 victims. They blew through 87 stories in 10 seconds

Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat

Then I remember they feed off of attention.
EDIT 1: This blew up quick thanks guys :D
EDUT 2: When I typed edit 1 it had 500 upvotes now im waking up to 29K upvotes thanks eveyone :D

I blew a speaker in my car today

He was a motivational speaker

Blew joke, I blew a speaker in my car today

jokes about blew