blew Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious blew stories

What are the best Blew puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Blew? Well here is a complete list of Blew dad jokes:

(My first dad joke) Wife was breastfeeding

Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in

Me: yeah he is really milking it

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My wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension.

She said she just can't take it any longer.

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I got thrown out of math class today.

The teacher asked me "If I gave you $20 and you gave $5 to Katie, $5 to Claire and $5 to Laura, what would you have?"

Apparently, 3 blowjobs and enough left for a kebab wasn't the answer...


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Two deer walk out of a gay bar

One turns and says to the other, "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."

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Without the Arabs we wouldn't have 9/11.

It would be IX/XI.

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My grief counsellor died the other day..

But he was so good I didn't give a shit.

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A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.

Oof

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two deer are leaving a gay bar

one turns to the other and says "I cant believe I blew 40 bucks in there"

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A black man and his young son were on a plane...

... when one of the engines blew out.
Amidst the screams, the captain made an announcement:

"Some of our passengers are going to have to jump off the plane.
You will be selected in alphabetical order.
Starting with A: All African Americans."

The young boy raises his hand, only to have it pulled back down by his father.

"B: black."

The little boy does the same thing and is stopped by his father.

"O.K, C: coloured people."

The little boy raises his hand again.

"Daddy, I thought we were black, why do you keep pulling my hand down?"

His father replies, "Today we're Niggers, let the Mexicans jump first."

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Two gay deer walk out of a bar...

One turns to the other and says "damn dude, I cant beleive you blew twenty bucks in there"

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A guy was hunting...

.. when a very strong gust of wind blew, the gun fell over & discharged, shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

"Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news. The good news is that you
are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very
little internal damage, & we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done
to your willy which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer
you to my sister."

"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a
plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly answered the doctor.
"She's a flute player in the Boston Symphony Orchestra.
She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."

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A penguin takes his car to the mechanic....

The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to fix. The penguin heads over to the 7-11 across the street to kill some time and have an ice cream. But because he has clumsy little flippers he gets the ice cream all over his beak.
When he goes back to the mechanic, the mechanic tells him, "well, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "no, that's just a bit of ice cream."

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar.

One turns to the other and says "Man, I blew like 50 bucks in there!"

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Gay deer

A gay deer walks out of a bar and says "I can't believe I blew 50 bucks"

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I was at the local pool yesterday and went to have a sneaky piss in the deep end.

Lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in.

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two deer walk out of a gay bar

the first deer says to the other, "man, I can't believe I blew 30 bucks in there".

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What did the Mexican say when a gust of wind blew his homework out the window?

Come back essay!

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A penguin is having car trouble...

A penguin is having car trouble, so he stops by a mechanic's shop for some repairs. He tells him he will need about an hour to find out what's wrong. The penguin walks downtown and it's a hot day, so he stops to get some ice cream. He doesn't have any arms to eat the ice cream with, so he just sticks his beak right into it. The penguin returns to the shop and the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies "Nah man, it's just ice cream."

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What did the gay deer say after leaving the club?

I can't believe I blew ten bucks in there.

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So a guy walks into a bar...

So a guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Whiskey?"
"No," says the customer, "just water; i was so drunk last night that I went home and blew Chunks."
The bartender tries to console him, saying "Oh come now, everyone gets a bit wasted from time to time."
To which the guy replies, "No, you don't understand: Chunks is my dog."

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Three men are standing before a judge.

The judge asks the first man why he was arrested. " I blew bubbles in the park.", the man said.

"That is not a crime. You are free to go.", the judge replies. He then asks the second man why he was arrested.

"I also blew bubbles in the park.", he said. The judge said that he didn't break the law and was free to go. The judge then ask the third man why he was arrested.

"I'm Bubbles."

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A penguin is driving....

down the street when his car starts sputtering. He pulls into the next mechanics shop and asks him to take a look. mechanic says it will be about an hour. While waiting the penguin decides to go next door to the malt shop and get an ice cream cone. an hour later the penguin goes back to the mechanic.
the mechanic looks at him and says "looks like you blew a seal".
"oh no I just had some ice cream" said the penguin wiping his face.

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What did the deer say when he left the gay bar?

"I can't believe I blew 50 bucks back there!"

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So a deer walks into a gay bar...

Two hours and several drinks later, he walks out and says to himself, "Wow. I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there..."

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Do you suck ?

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her.
"Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too. The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor.
"I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.

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A guy goes hunting...

A guy goes hunting. A gust of wind blew. The gun fell over and discharged, shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

*"Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.."*

*"What's the bad news?"* asked the hunter.

*"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister.*"

*"Well I guess that isn't too bad,"* the hunter replied. *"Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"*

*"Not exactly,"* answered the doctor.

*"She's a flute player in the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.."*

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I had to pee really bad at the swimming pool yesterday, so I tried to sneak it in at the deep end...

But the lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in.

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Sex in the middle of the highway!?

As the trucker came down the hill with a fully-loaded rig, he spied a man and a woman having sex right in the middle of the highway!


He blew his air horn, but they didn't move, so he slammed on the brakes, stopping mere inches from them.


Furious, he yelled from his cab, "Are you crazy? What's wrong with you? Didn't you hear my horn? I damned near ran over you!"


The man, with a satisfied look on his face, replied, "Look, buddy, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. And you were the only one who had brakes!"

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2 deer walk out of a gay bar

One says to the other "I can't believe I blew 30 bucks in there"

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A deer walks out of a gay bar...

"Wow. I can't believe I just blew sixty bucks!"

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Two male deer are leaving a gay bar,

One turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I just blew 20 bucks."

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A penguin was driving along...

A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said "It'll be about an hour" so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, but made a mess because of his flippers. He went back to the mechanic who had just got under his car. The mechanic rolled out from underneath and said "looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replied "no, it's ice cream".

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My favorite prostitute told me she was a licensed psychologist...

Blew my mind.

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Three guys meet in class after a superbowl sunday, still super hungover from the night before.

The first guy pipes up and says 'Fuck. i got so drunk last night I blew chunks.' The second guy cuts him off nearly immediately screaming 'oh yeah? I was so drunk I emptied my bank account at the strip club after. I have no money to pay rent now.' The third guy laughs at both of them and said 'that's nothing. I was so wasted last night, I sold my car to a homeless guy for 50 cents.' Finally the first guy cuts them both off. 'You guys don't understand.....Chunks is my girlfriends golden retriever.'

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar...

...one turns to the other and says, "Wow, I can't believe I blew 50 bucks in there."

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Did you hear about the guy who blew his entire lottery winnings on a limousine?

He had nothing left to chauffeur it.

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So a penguin is driving along one day...

... and has engine trouble. So he stops at an autoshop and they get to work on his car. It's a rather hot day, so he walks over to the convenience story and buys an ice cream cone.

As he's finishing the cone, the mechanic walks over to him and says "Looks like you blew a seal."

"No no!" he cries, "It's just ice cream!"

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I blew up my chemistry experiment

Oxidants happen.

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two deer walk out of a gay bar

one turns to the other and says "man, I can't believe I blew thirty bucks in there."

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When my wife told me she was going to give me some mental oral sex, I thought it was going to be silly.....

....but she actually blew my mind!

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Ice cream

A penguin was having car trouble and decided to take it in to the shop. When the mechanic told him it would be a while he decided to walk around and do some shopping. After a bit he stopped off for an ice cream cone. Finally, he heads back to the auto shop. "Looks like you blew a seal." says the mechanic. "no" replied the penguin, "it's just a little ice cream."

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar...

The one deer turns to the other and says "I cant believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."

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A deer walks out of a gay bar...

And says "damn, i just blew 30 bucks in there"

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2 deer walk out of a bar

1st deer: Man that was crazy in there
2nd: ya I can't believe I just blew 40 bucks!

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A penguin's car breaks down..

So he goes to the nearest mechanic. The mechanic told the penguin that it'll be a little while until he figures out the problem. The penguin notices one of his favorite ice cream places down the road and decides to go grab a vanilla cone.

The penguin finishes his ice cream and heads back to the mechanic.

The penguin asks the mechanic if he has found the problem. The mechanic replies with "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."

The penguin then replies "No no no! I was just eating ice cream down the street I swear!"

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Job Interview

A chap goes to the Council for a job.
The interviewer asks him - "Have you been in the armed services?"

Yes" he says "I was in the Falklands for three years."

The interviewer says "That will give you extra points toward employment" and then asks "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says "Yes 100%... a land mine blew my testicles off."

The interviewer tells the guy "OK.I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 AM . to 4:00 PM . You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00AM ."

The guy is puzzled and says "If the hours are from 8:00AM to 4:00 PM why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM? "

"This is a council job" the interviewer replies. "For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls...no point in you coming in for that........."

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72 virgins in Heaven

An 18-year-old suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah.
He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I never was with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do sexually, can I have 72 prostitutes?"
Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied,
"Actually, 72 virgins are here in heaven because bastards like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous; and, frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty."
The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?"
And Allah replied, "Who said they were women?"

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Why was the candle mad at his friend?

He blew him off.

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Two male deer are leaving a gay bar

One turns to the other and says "I can't believe I just blew 20 bucks"

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A penguin talks his snowmobile in to get fixed.

The mechanic takes a look at it and says "looks like you blew a seal." penguin replies "no, that's just frosting on my lip."

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best blew jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about blew. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty blew gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these blew jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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