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Bless You Jokes

79 bless you jokes and hilarious bless you puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bless you that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Bless You Jokes

Short bless you jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bless you humour may include short bless jokes also.

  1. I was confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa. Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.
    They bless the rain down in Africa.
  2. My crush just sneezed and I accidentally replied "bless you !" Now she's staring at the bush, wondering who said that.
  3. Spent over an hour at the wife's grave this morning. Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond.
  4. I always wondered why you hear stories of vampires in Europe but never Africa. Then I remembered vampires are killed by holy water, and they bless the rain down in Africa
  5. I was wondering why there were so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa, and than I realized Vampires are killed by Holy water... They blessed the rains down in Africa.
  6. A masked priest just threw some holy water at me... ... I think it was a blessing in disguise.
  7. My local hospital brought in a priest to bless all the bags of IV saline… …but they got in trouble for using God's name in vein.
  8. It's flu season and I just saw 3 homeless people caring for each other. They were giving each other flu shots under the overpass. What a caring community we live in God Bless.
  9. Why are there so many vampires in Europe and not in Africa? Vampires are killed with holy water and they bless the rains down in Africa.
  10. A group of satanists have a meeting when one sneezes. Then it got really awkward when someone said "God bless you."

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about bless you can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of bless you puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Bless You One Liners

Which bless you one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bless you? I can suggest the ones about god bless and thanked.

  1. Spent an hour by my wife's grave God bless her soul, she thinks I'm digging a koi pond.
  2. Why are there no vampires in africa? Because they blessed the rains down in africa.
  3. Bless me father for I have Sneezed
  4. I spent some time at my Auntie's grave today. Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond.
  5. I visited my wife's grave today Bless her heart she still thinks I'm digging a pond.
  6. What do you call a man with three feet but only ten toes? Blessed.
  7. Why was the Rastafarian poor? Because he was jah bless
  8. What do you call an unemployed Rastafarian? Jah bless.
  9. I'm Blessed I have enough money to not work the rest of the year.
  10. What do you say when God sneezes? Go bless yourself.
  11. Knock Knock.
    Who's there?
    Hatch.
    Hatch who?
    Bless you.
  12. What Pokèmon blesses the rains down in Africa? Totodile
  13. knock-knock knock-knock
    who is there
    ach
    ach who
    bless you
  14. What do you say to an unemployed Rastafarian? Jah bless
  15. Vampires live in europe Because someone blessed the rains down in Africa

Bless You Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about bless you you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean forgive me jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make bless you prank.

Best son ever

5 year old son after reading a story of a king
Son : mom, I also want 3 wives, one will bathe , one will cook and one will sing
Mom : which one will put you to sleep?
Son: no mom, I will still sleep with you. Mom's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son
Mom : who will the 3 wives sleep with?
Son : let them sleep with daddy
Daddy's eyes filled with tears... God bless you son

Stalin is giving a speech, and someone sneezes.

Stalin looks up from his notes and says, "Who sneezed?" No-one says anything.
Stalin has the first row taken away by KGB to be shot. "Who sneezed?" he asks again. No-one says anything. He has the second row of the audience taken away by the KGB to be shot.
"Comrade Stalin, I sneezed!" Says a man in the third row.
Stalin looks at the man and says; "Bless you."

A priest was hiking in the woods when suddenly a mountain lion appeared…..

…. readyto devour the man whole.
The priest quickly falls to his knees, looks up to the heavens and prays, "Dear God, please teach this lion mercy and give him religion." A chorus of angels is heard as a beam of light shines down on the mountain lion.
The lion then drops to his knees, looks up to heavens and prays, "Dear God, bless you for this food I'm about to receive."

Happy father's day!

5 year old son after reading story of a king says to his mom:
Son: Mom, I also want 3 wives... one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me
Mom: And which one will put you to sleep
Son: No mom, i will still sleep with you
Mom's eyes filled up with tears.
Mom: God bless you son. But who will sleep with your 3 wives?
Son: Let them sleep with daddy.
Daddy's eyes filled up with tears. God bless you son !
Happy Father's day!

My Favorite Stalin Joke

Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes. "Who sneezed?" Silence. "First row! On your feet! Shoot them!" They are shot, and he asks again, "Who sneezed, Comrades?" No answer. "Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" They are shot too. "Well, who sneezed?" At last a sobbing cry resounds in the Congress Hall, "It was me! Me!" Stalin says,
"Bless you, Comrade!"

Interruption of the speech of Comrade Stalin

Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes.
"Who sneezed?" (Silence.)
"First row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Applause.)
"Who sneezed?" (Silence.) "Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Long, loud applause.)
"Who sneezed?" (Silence.) ...
A dejected voice in the back: "It was me" (Sobs.)
Stalin leans forward: "Bless you, comrade!"
Thanks to allrussias for glorious joke!

Stalin is giving a speech.

And someone sneezes.
Stalin: Who sneezed?
No answer.
Stalin: First row outside.
*Gunshots*
Stalin: Who sneezed?
No answer.
Stalin: Second row outside.
*Gunshots*
Stalin: Who sneezed?
Attendee, crying: "I SNEEZED!"
Stalin: Bless you!

Stalin is delivering a speech to the Party

Suddenly someone sneezes.
- Who's just sneezed?
No answer.
- Execute the first row. Who's sneezed, I ask you?
No answer.
- Execute the second row. So who of you has just sneezed?
Finally a shaking man raises and utters feebly:
- It's me, Comrade Stalin.
- Bless you! Now, back to the topic...

Bless you son!!!

(Perhaps a repost, but I heard it for the first time. So here it goes)
A small boy talking to his mother while his dad sits nearby.
Boy: Mom, I want to marry 3 girls when I grow up.
Mom: 3 girls!! But why son?
Boy: One to cook food for me, one to do my laundry and one to clean my home.
Mom: Ohh ok... But which one will sleep with you?
Boy: (innocently) But of course you mom. I never want to sleep with anyone other that you.
Mom: Ohh bless you my son!!! You love mommy so much. But what will happen to the 3 wives of yours.
Boy: They can sleep with Dad.
Dad: Bless you son!!!

My ex just sneezed,,,

My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said "bless you".
Now she is staring at the bushes confused and wondering who said that.

Bless you

My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said" Bless you"
Now she is just staring at the bushes, confused wondering who said that?

A girl next to me in the trai sneezed.

Me: bless you
She: I have a boyfriend
A few rows behind us : I'm vegan

6 Year old son , after reading story of a king

Son: Mom I also want 4 wives, one will sing ,one bathe me, one will cook
Mom: And one will put you to sleep
Son:No, Mom I will still sleep with you
Mom's eyes filled up with tears.God Bless you dear
Mom: Then who will sleep with your 4 wives?
Son: Let them sleep with dad
Dad's eyes filled up with tears.God Bless you dear

Just curious, if you sneeze in a monastery

Do the priests say "Bless You"?
Or do they just do it?

If I ever tell you bless you...

you better say "thank you" and not "why are you in my closet with an AK-47?"

A lawyer and a priest are walking down the street, when the lawyer sneezes. "Bless you", says the priest.

The lawyer promptly burst into flames.

Jacob never needed to set up that complicated plan to steal the blessing from Esau.

He could have just sneezed and let Issac say "bless you, Jacob."

My new s**... neighbour just sneezed,

so by instinct and good manners I said bless you.
She said thanks, but looked a little confused that her wardrobe was talking to her!

F***ING !

1) F***ing once a week is good for your health, but it is harmful if done everyday
2) F***ing relaxes your mind & body
3) F***ing refreshes you
4) After F***ing don't eat too much go for more liquids
5)Try F***ing in bed cause it can save your valuable energy
6) F***ing can reduce your cholesterol level
So remember FASTING is good for your health.
GOD BLESS YOUR DIRTY MIND :

A man heard a knock at the door so he went to go answer.

When he saw a hooded figure with a scythe on his doorstep, he screamed.
The figure took off his hood apologizing. "I'm a priest, I have come to bless you to protect you from COVID-19! I just have to wear this because of quarantine, I'm not supposed to leave my house. This way no one comes to stop me."
The man was surprised, but let the priest into his house regardless. I mean how often do you find a blessing in disguise?

- Knock knock!

\- Who's there?
\- Hatch!
\- Hatch who?
\- Bless you!

A joke my son told me when he was younger...

Son: knock knock
Dad: Who's there?
Son: Ah
Dad: Ah who?
Son: Bless You!

Crossfit died out

The other day n the train:
Girl : *sneezes
me: "Bless You!"
Girl : I Have a Boyfriend
a few rows behind us: "I'm vegan"

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ach.
Ach who?
Bless you! Need a tissue?

His name is josh

Person 1: *sneezes*
Person 2: bless you.
Person 1: thank you.
Person 2: you're welcome.
Person 1: no, I'm josh.

A cashew walks into a bar

...and announces himself. All the patrons turn around and say "Bless you!"

Read the following word out loud. "Cashew"

Bless you.

I asked my teacher a synonym for 'Abstain from'. He said 'Eschew'.

I said "Bless you."

It's the kid's Joke time..

Here's a lovely joke for all:
Papa : Why is your mummy sitting silently today.
Son : Nothing papa. She asked for lipstick and i heard fevistick(glue).
Papa: (With tears in eyes) God bless you son.

I sneezed a lot today and not a single sperson said bless you

This jury is harsh. I'm not looking forward to their verdict

A chemist is trying to remember the name of a compound...

"Methanal", he exclaims suddenly, having remembered the name.
His colleague turns around and says:
"Bless you".

My Job

*sneezes*
"Bless you Jesus!"
"That's what my job is."

Yeah, it's our motto.. What's a motto?

Nothing. What's a-motto with you?...
(If you understand this, god bless you)

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
Bless you.

People say "bless you" when you sneeze because Chuck Norris might catch your soul.
It's a myth.
Chuck Norris can take your soul whenever he wants.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ach.
Ach who?
Bless you! Need a tissue?

The old homekess man

I saw this old homeless man at a parking lot outside of Walmart holding up a sign.
I felt bad for him and gave him a dollar. The old men then smiled and gave me back my money with an extra dollar.
I was confused so i said " sir this money is for you " as i handed back the $2.
He smiled again and gave back $4. Whatever i gave him he multiplied it by 2.
At this point i got annoyed because I'm thinking that the old man is making fun of me.
I thought to myself that I'm gonna teach him a lesson.
I pulled out $100 and gave it to him.
He smiled again and picked up his cardboard sign and crossed out #10 and wrote 11. Then he said " Thank you and God bless you."

Three nuns

There were three nuns and they said that they were going to do on sin each. The priest says ok, do your sins, come back and I will bless you. So they went to do their sins and came back to get blessed. The priest asked the first woman, who was laughing, what her sin was. She replied:" I had s**... with a guy." So the priest forgave her and let her drink the holy water.
The next nun came and was laughing harder and said: "I got in a fight with another nun." The priest forgave her and let her drink from the holy water.
The last nun was laughing the most and said:"I peed in the holy water!"

Bless you

Just f**... in my cubicle...not sure what she heard, my coworker replied 'bless you're...

A Russian Joke.

Stalin is giving a speech when he hears someone sneeze. He stops mid-sentence and asks the first row, "who sneezed?"
Nobody answers.
Stalin executes the first row. Now, everyone is getting nervous.
Stalin addresses the second row. "Who sneezed?" he asks, becoming visibly upset.
Still, nobody answers. Everyone is much too scared to reply.
Stalin executes the second row.
"Who sneezed!?" Stalin booms. He is angry now.
Finally, after many moments of silence, a young and timid Russian soldier raises his hand. Stalin turns to the soldier and says,
"Bless you."

What do you call a food truck run by a Christian

Try Kingdom Crumb
Bless you Carson Wentz

Stalin is giving a speech ...

All of a sudden, someone sneezes. He stops talking.
"Who sneezed ?"
Silence. Everyone is looking at their feet.
"Who sneezed ? If you don't answer, I'll gun down the front row."
Nobody speaks. He gives an order, and the entire front row is executed.
"Who sneezed ?"
Silence. The second row is being executed. The third row is being gunned down. The fourth row is being executed. A very old man steps up, he raises a hand.
"I sneezed."
Stalin looks at him.
"Bless you. So, as I was saying..."

Who is there? Etch! Etch who?

Gesundheit / Bless You

Instead of saying bless you when someone sneezes,

Say May the power of Christ compel you!

An elderly German man visits his priest for confession...

An elderly man in Germany walks into a confessional box after feeling the urge that he needed to confess.
Man: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. During the great war I hid a Jewish r**... in my attic.
Priest: Well, that's not a sin my son, but rather a heroic act of great compassion and daring.
Man: But I made him agree to pay me 20 marks for each week he stayed.
Priest: I must admit, that wasn't a great decision, but I am sure you did it for a good cause.
Man: God bless you father, that puts my mind to rest, just one more question however...
Priest: Yes my son?
Man: Do I have to tell him the war is over?

Daddy and His Son's Three Wives.

The innocence of a 5 year old
A 5 year old son after been read the story of a king.....
Son: Mom, I also want 3 wives; one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me.
Mom: And one will put you to sleep.
Son: No mom, I will still sleep with you.
Mom's eyes filled up with tears. God bless you son, Mom said.
Mom: but who will sleep with your 3 wives?
Son: Let them sleep with Daddy.
Daddy's eyes filled up with tears. God bless you son, Daddy said.
Mom glaring at Daddy

Stalin is into the fifth hour of his speech, when someone sneezes

***"Who sneezed!"***, he shouts.
No one answers.
***"First row, stand up"***... they obediently get on their feet.
***"Guards, shoot them"***... they're gunned down where they stood.
***"Now who sneezed?"*** ... still nothing.
***"Second row, on your feet ... guards, shoot them."***
***"Now who sneezed?"*** ... absolute silence.
***"Third row, stand up ... "***
A small backbencher gets up. He's uncontrollably sobbing.
*"I sneezed! I sneezed!!"*
Stalin stares at him and says, ***"Bless you, comrade."***

Stalin was addressing an assembly of peasants in Russia...

And a man in the crowd sneezed. Stalin asked: who sneezed?
No one responded. Stalin says to one of his KGB cronies 'walk up to the crowd, and shoot everyone in the front row.' So the guy shoots everyone in the front row.
'Now', Stalin says, 'who sneezed?' Again, no one responded. 'Shoot everyone in the second row', so everyone in the second row gets shot.
Stalin, getting impatient, asks again: who sneezed? A man in the middle of the crowd slowly raises his hand, and in a whimper of a voice says 'me'.
Stalin looks out into the crowd and sees the man with his hand up and says,
'Bless you'

a young lady in a purity group is on a flight that crashes in the desert...

as she's wandering she sees an oasis off the horizon! as she's running to it she comes across two men.


they speak little English but understand enough to know what happened to her. so, one of the men offers her his canteen of water.

she says "oh bless you! but I cannot accept, god has provided me an oasis over the horizon!"


he tries to offer her again but she refuses, says a prayer, and runs off out of sight.


one of the men asks the other, "did she take of your water?"

and he says "no, I think she's saving herself for mirage."

My crush said talked to me today

I sneezed, and she said "bless you!"

Girl: AH COO!!

Man: Bless you.
Girl: AH COO!!
Man: Squared

A man visits a priest for confession...

An elderly man in Germany walks into a confessional box after feeling the urge that he needed to confess.
Man: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. During the great war I hid a Jewish r**... in my attic.
Priest: Well, that's not a sin my son, but rather a heroic act of great compassion and daring.
Man: But I made him agree to pay me 20 marks for each week he stayed.
Priest: I must admit, that wasn't a great decision, but I am sure you did it for a good cause.
Man: God bless you father, that puts my mind to rest, just one more question however...
Priest: Yes my son?
Man: Do I have to tell him the war is over?

R.I.P. Mr. Brown

May God bless your soul in heaven and Rodney King there to greet you.

ISIS is not Global Warming...

I heard Pratt & Whitney were United tonight. God bless you both!

A lawyer, a tax collector, a priest and a boyscout are on a plane.

The pilot comes over the intercom and tells the passengers that the plane will soon c**.... The pilot says that there are three parachutes available. The lawyer immediately reaches for the first c**... bag he sees and jumps out of the plane. The tax collector is next putting a pack on and jumping out. Now that the boyscout and the priest are the only two left in the plane, the boyscout turns to the priest and says "you can take the c**... mister." The priest says "God bless you son, but I can't let you do that." The boyscout then says "no it's okay, the tax collector took my backpack."

Stalin was giving a speech.

and in the middle of his speech, someone in the audience sneezed. Stalin abruptly stopped talking and asked who sneezed? But everyone was too terrified of the consequences to admit it. Stalin makes the first row of people stand up, and asks again, who sneezed? No on admits to being the one to cause this interruption. Stalin has the entire first row executed on the spot. He tells the second row to get on their feet and asks the same question. Again, no one is willing to admit fault or even tattle on their fellow comrade. Stalin has the second row executed. He then asks the third row to stand. Finally, a man comes forward and admits guilt. Stalin says "bless you" and continues on with his speech.

Joseph Stalin is giving a speech to his army.

When all of the sudden in the midst of a paticularly moving segment, he hears a loud, uproarious sneeze coming from amongst the crowd. Stalin stops speaking, glares at the soldiers, becomes very visibly annoyed, and says "Who sneezed?..."
All of the soldiers don't say anything, some of them start to sweat and others nervously glance around. After a brief moment Stalin motions towards a few soldiers with him on the stage. "Execute the first row..." he commands, and the soldiers on stage begin opening fire at the first row of troops on the ground.
"I'll ask again, who sneezed?" says Stalin. Another pause, and no one speaks up. Finally Stalin says "Execute the..." but before he can finish, a soldier about 4 rows back raises his hand and says "It was me General Secretary Stalin! I'm the one who sneezed."
Stalin then stares cold and hard at the soldier who spoke up for an uncomfortable amount of time, before he leans towards his microphone and says "Bless you."

Amen.

As my dad and I were in church, I sneezed.
"Bless you" he said.
"Thank you, Father"

Father, do you have anything to declare?

A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, Father, may I ask a favor?
Of course you may. What can I do for you?
Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?
I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.
With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.
When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, Father, do you have anything to declare?
From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.
The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?
I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.
Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, God bless you, Father, go ahead.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these bless you jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.