Blankets Jokes

Are you looking for a cozy laugh? Check out this collection of hilarious jokes about blankets and the beauty of staying warm. From pigs in blankets to quilts and bedsheets, this article has something to tickle your funny bone – even if you begrudgingly find humor in the topic.

Happy Blankets Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

A man runs home from work

The second he gets home he finds his wife of 20 years, takes her into the bedroom and throws her on the bed, and pulled some blankets over them.

The wife was shocked, he hadn't been this way since they were young!

Then the man then turns to her and says: "look! My new watch glows in the dark!"

A priest and a nun ...

... are on a pilgrimage when they get caught in a blizzard. They make their way to a small abandoned cabin with a bed, a stack of blankets, and a sleeping bag. Now the priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself. They say their nightly prayers and tuck in for the night. The priest is nearly asleep when he is awoken by the nun, "Father, I'm cold!" The priest gets up, puts a blanket on her, checks that she's OK, and goes back to his sleeping bag.
This time he's starting to nod off when he's again awoken by the nun, "Father, I'm still cold!" So once again the priest gets up, places another blanket on the nun, and heads back to his sleeping bag. But when he's almost asleep this time she calls again, "Father, Father, I'm sooo cold!" The priest thinks on this situation and after a moment he responds. "Sister, we are in the middle of nowhere in a storm. No one but ourselves and the Lord God almighty will know what happens here this night. What would you say if, just for this night, we act as though we were married?" The nun thinks on this for a while and finally responds with an excited, "Yes Father, I'd like that!" To which the priest responds,

If you've ever thought women are the weaker s**.....

You've never tried pulling the blankets back to your side in the night

I don't like Muslin Afghans and think people should stone them.

A good stonewash can make muslin fabric softer and more flexible which is better suited for afghans and blankets in general, otherwise just go with a soft acrylic yarn.

I was in court accused of stealing blankets.

I pleaded 'not quilty'.

My cat scratched me for trapping her under the blankets as I made the bed...

I guess she's clawstrophobic.

My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night

But I will recover.

Blankets joke, My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night

13 days ago I started collecting all the blankets and pillows in my house...

Tomorrow will be a fortnight.

Every Christmas we have pigs in blankets

Or as you probably call them - relatives sleeping in the spare room.

Thought For The Day....

**Are old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs simply retired mermaids?**

Every Christmas day we have pigs in blankets.

Or as some people might call it, relatives sleeping in the spare room.

You can explore blankets begrudgingly reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean blankets mornings dad jokes. There are also blankets puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I shouldn't make blanket statements about autistic people but…

a lot of them do enjoy being wrapped in blankets.

Are your teeth cold?

Then why are they wearing those yellow blankets?

(You just licked your teeth didn't you?)

What are you doing in 2 weeks?

I've got blankets and couches. Lets make it a fort-night

Holding my wife's head under the blankets while I f**... always makes me laugh.

Especially when I remember the rest of her body down there in the freezer.

How does a slice of bread feel when it's surrounded by warm blankets?


Blankets joke, How does a slice of bread feel when it's surrounded by warm blankets?

Knock on the door at 2 AM

A husband and wife are sound asleep, when at 2 AM there's loud b**... on the door and a man shouting Can you give me a push please?

The husband wakes up and hears it, but buries his head under the blankets and tries to sleep again.

A few minutes later, the b**... continues, and the wife wakes up to hear Can you give me a push please?

The wife turns to her husband and says Ah go on, give the man a hand. Wouldn't you be happy if someone helped you when your car broke down?

Reluctantly the husband gets dressed, stumbles down the stairs and walks out the door. Once outside, he can't see the man. He shouts where are you?

The man replies right here, on the swing!

How do you freeze a cow?

Roll over and take all of the blankets.

What do you call a police officer that stays in bed all day underneath the blankets?

An undercover cop!

I wanna do some community service this Thanksgiving...

So I'm gonna go to the Indian reservations and hand out blankets

My girlfriend keeps pulling my blankets away

So I gave her the cold shoulder

This year I decided I am going back to the real roots of Thanksgiving and celebrating it in the traditional fashion.

I will be handing out smallpox blankets to Native Americans.

Electric blankets are so nice

I doubt I can go back to plain old acoustic blankets.

Giving the homeless blankets

Is just covering up the problem

Someone asked me why I was wearing a bunch of pillows and blankets on my head for Halloween...

figured it was topical to go as Paul Man-In-Fort

Up to 3,000 migrants were rescued in boats fleeing African countries on Monday

They were quickly given access to life jackets, emergency blankets, and Pokemon GO.

Blankets joke, Up to 3,000 migrants were rescued in boats fleeing African countries on Monday

What's the worst gift to give to an anti-vaxxer?


Did you know they now sell 30 tog blankets?


Remember that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes that make girls laugh. Many of the blankets bed puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When a joke goes too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke becomes inappropriate.

We suggest you to use only working blankets pigs in blankets piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and make them laugh.

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