Blanket Jokes

110 blanket jokes and hilarious blanket puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blanket that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for some fun blanket jokes to share with your kids? Find out how to turn blanket into a source of humour and learn about weight blankets, wet blankets and more. Get creative ideas for your flannel nights and discover how to bring a smile to your nightstand.

Best Short Blanket Jokes

Short blanket jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blanket humour may include short bed sheet jokes also.

  1. I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
  2. I have a friend who says that he hates all comforters. I told him that he shouldn't make blanket statements like that.
  3. I want to say comforters are superior to quilts But I don't like to make blanket statements.
  4. I've just checked my home insurance policy and apparently if my blanket is stolen in the middle of the night, l'm not covered.
  5. How does the winter solstice keep warm at night? It curls up with a cozy cloud blanket and a cup of hot cocoa.
  6. Two babys at the birth ward... baby says to the other."i'm a boy" to with the other reply:"how do you know?". the first baby pulls the blanket to the side and says:"look i got blue socks on"
  7. I just started a new band called 'Blankets and duvet' We've already been called the best cover band of all time
  8. My cat scratched me for trapping her under the blankets as I made the bed... I guess she's clawstrophobic.
  9. When I was a kid I pretended I was doing surgery on a stuffed animal inside a blanket fort I guess you could say they were undercover operations
  10. A knitted afghan can be a good accent piece that can also keep you warm... That's just a blanket statement.

Quick Jump To

Blanket joke, A knitted afghan can be a good accent piece that can also keep you warm...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about blanket can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of blanket puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Blanket One Liners

Which blanket one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blanket? I can suggest the ones about bed sheets and umbrella.

  1. I'm going to make a blanket statement All comforters are comfortable
  2. What does the blanket say when it falls off the bed? "Sheet."
  3. What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet
  4. How do you make antifreeze? You take away her blanket.
  5. I was in court accused of stealing blankets. I pleaded 'not quilty'.
  6. I loved my job at the blanket company until it folded
  7. Why was the child's blanket arrested? For being an accessory to a kid napping.
  8. My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night But I will recover.
  9. My daughter asked for a Frozen blanket So last night she slept on the balcony
  10. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Look out pillow!
  11. What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered.
  12. I have the best blanket in the world It's the sheet.
  13. I love my electric blanket.... I'm never going back to my acoustic one.
  14. Saying a quilt and a comforter are the same thing... just a blanket statement.
  15. How do snowmen keep warm With a snow blanket!

Covered Blanket Jokes

Here is a list of funny covered blanket jokes and even better covered blanket puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you know that on average, people want 3 covers on their beds at all times? It's just a blanket statement.
  • The Orientation for my new job at the Mattress Store was today. The Manager handed me a King-sized Blanket and said, "Well, I think that covers just about everything here."
  • What did the soldier say to his blanket? "Cover me!"
    Forgive me pls
  • A blanket walks into a bar... the bouncer stops him at the door and says "sir, you have to pay a cover charge to get in."
  • Giving the homeless blankets Is just covering up the problem
  • Why did the blanket lie and confess to the m**...? It was the perfect cover.

Blanket Kid Jokes

Here is a list of funny blanket kid jokes and even better blanket kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My 12-year-old son was so happy when he found out tonight, for game night, is fort night. Who knew kids that age still find joy making pillow and blanket tents?!

Electric Blanket Jokes

Here is a list of funny electric blanket jokes and even better electric blanket puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about the auntie who plugged her electric blanket into the toaster? She kept popping out of bed
  • Electric blankets are so nice I doubt I can go back to plain old acoustic blankets.

Wet Blanket Jokes

Here is a list of funny wet blanket jokes and even better wet blanket puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Today I finished the novel "The Wet Blanket" by I.P. Knightley
Blanket joke, Today I finished the novel "The Wet Blanket"

Comical & Quirky Blanket Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about blanket you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean towel jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make blanket prank.

My friend said nobody likes using space heaters.

I thought, that's such a blanket statement.

There was this girl I liked in kindergarten..

One day it was nap time and I gained enough nerve to sleep next to her. She didn't do anything. The next day at nap time I decided to kiss her on the forehead and sleep under her blanket. Again, she didn't do anything The next day at nap time I put my b**... on her face. Let's just say that's the end of my teaching career.

Why bachelors are skinner than married men

A bachelor goes into the kitchen, opens the fridge, sighs, goes to bed.
A married man goes into the bedroom, lifts the blanket, sighs, goes to the fridge.

Still the best blonde joke to date..

A brunette, a redhead, and a blond escape a burning building by
climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below,
holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only
chance to survive!"
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen y**... the blanket
away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.
"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"
"OK" says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen y**... the
blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Only the blonde remains on top of the building. Again, the
firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me
that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you
to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are driving through the desert...

When their car breaks down. Stranded in the middle of nowhere, they have no choice but to walk the road to safety. They each agree to carry something. The brunette brings a jug of water in case they get thirsty.
The redhead brings a blanket in case they need to camp for the night. The blonde brings the car door. The others ask why.
She says, "If we get hot, we can just roll the window down!"

What do you call a blanket of snowflakes?


Women can breastfeed in public as long as they have a blanket over them.

So I don't understand this Mall Cop's problem with my m**... towel.

What do you call it when a man uses a Confederate flag as a blanket?

A w**... nap.

Apparently they don't use the term "stealth h**..." in the UK

They call it a "blanket wanket".

What did the pastor say when his blanket rose up from his bed?

"Holy Sheet!"

What do you call a special needs sheep that got turned into a blanket?

A down comforter.

Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!
Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.
Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Oh welcome home darling," he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello."

That one time i hired a h**......

... She offered me the girlfriend experience for no extra charge, of course i accepted ...
... i did not expect however that she would roll up in to a blanket burrito, order Pizza and watch Netflix.

I'd like to say that ALL quilts are great...

...but I try to avoid making blanket statements.

What kind of m**... invented the fire blanket

Surely fire is warm enough already?

I slept with this girl, and in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed.

She said one pig in the blanket was enough.

Kermit the Frog's favorite s**... position?

Pig in a Blanket.

I'm getting tired of politicians using blanket statements

It's putting me to sleep

Most people prefer quilts over duvets

but you shouldn't make blanket statements.

I hate all sleep accessories

But I don't know if it's a good idea to make such a blanket statement.

You know what they say about blanket statements?

They're all false.

A wife comes home late one night

She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

What Do You Call A Gay Guy Wrapped In A Blanket?

A fruit roll up

What is h**...'s favorite blanket?

Mein Kampfurter.

Yo mamá so fat...

...when she ordered a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean.

It's difficult to get anything specific out of a bedding expert...

...since they're always making blanket statements

It is an unspoken rule that if a little kid is hiding under a blanket or couch cushions, you are required to comment on how lumpy the blanket is and pretend to sit on it to try and "smooth it out.".....

Screw that, enjoy the peace, leave them there as long as possible. Just get a staple gun and staple the blanket down.

UGH I was just forced to watch a s**... commercial about something called a Snuggie...

I wanted to change the channel so bad, but I was under a blanket and didn't want my arms to get cold.

I don't want to make a blanket statement...

But my sheets are dirty.

If there's one thing EVERYONE loves to do --

it's to make blanket generalizations about large groups of people.

My wife and I love curling up in a fuzzy blanket and nuzzling up with our cat this time of year, when the air is cold and dry...

Really makes the sparks fly!

How do you warm up a politician?

You give them a blanket statement!

What does a blanket say after beating another blanket at videogames?

Well plaid.
Please dont kill me.

What do you call undercover cops?

Pigs in a blanket.

A man has died after being suffocated under his bed sheets...

The government is now calling for a blanket ban.

Why are pigs in a blanket g**...?

Because they're in-bread.

I shouldn't make blanket statements about autistic people but…

a lot of them do enjoy being wrapped in blankets.

Joke about a blanket

Friend: My brother got me this scarf from Afganistan
Me: He should have got you an Afghan instead.

Give a native American a blanket and keep him warm for the winter.

Give him a Smallpox blanket and keep him warm the rest of his life.

My dad died last year. among the things he left us in his Legacy :

were some jump leads,
a tartan blanket
and the original subaru owners manual.

A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom.

To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket. Shocked and r**..., she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops. After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half asleep: "Oh, you're home, darling. I'm afraid we have to sleep here tonight, My parents came for a surprise visit."

If it's an undercover cop...

Is it okay to call them Pigs in a blanket?

I'm a police officer, and like a midget hosting poker night in a blanket fort...

I'm going undercover as a small arms dealer.

My parents 140lb Yellow Lab is so big and cuddly, you might be convinced he was studying to become a blanket.

As a family, we're all very supportive—we're just worried he'll succeed.

Which came first?

Late one night, a chicken was laying in bed with an egg.
The chicken was laying back, smoking a cigarette, and feeling quite pleased with himself.
The egg was clearly upset and huffed as she rolled onto her side. As she was pulling the blanket over herself, she said in a very annoyed tone of voice...
"Well I guess we finally answered *that* question now didn't we?"

What do you call a blessed blanket?

Holy sheet!

First baby asks second baby Are you a boy baby or a girl baby?

Second baby I don't know...
First baby Let me look. Dives under second baby's blanket and comes up red faced and says You're a boy baby!
Second baby How can you tell?
First baby (triumphantly) You have blue socks!

We did it Reddit! For ONE GLORIOUS DAY, people of the world will put aside their differences! There'll be no hunger, no pain, no suffering! No war, no fighting! Peace will embrace us like a warm blanket! Sickness and disease will cease! So please welcome this momentous occasion....

February 30, 2021

I'm sick and tired of debating people about burqas, niqābs and hijabs etc.

So many blanket statements.

Train ride

A man and a woman share sleeping compartment on a train ride.
The woman flirts with the man, and after a while, says she's cold and asks if he could please give her a blanket, as he's in the lower bunk.
The man smiles at her and asks: Hey, how about if we play we are a married couple on a train ride . Sure! , she eagerly replies.
Man: So get the blanket yourself!

I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette

I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire
The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!
After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out that firearm wasn't registered

A little boy asked Jesus for a new bike.

He prayed every night.
On the first night, he told Jesus "If you get me a new bike, I will never scream or yell again."
On the second night, he told him "If you get me a new bike, I will be nice to my siblings forever."
On the third night, he told him "If you get me a new bike, I'll do anything you want!"
On the fourth night, the little boy was fed up with Jesus not answering his prayers.
He took a statue of Mary, wrapped it in a blanket, and stuffed it in a closet and locked it. He told Jesus, "If you ever want to see your mother again, you better get me a new bike!"

When I tried to give my 3 yo a kiss at bedtime he hid under the blanket. What are you doing? I asked.

I'm playing hide-'n-cheek

Daylight savings time.

Is the government cutting off the bottom of a blanket and sewing it to the top and saying ,"see its longer now".

What did the blanket said when it fell from the bed?

Oh sheet!!

My daughter just became a dad.

We had a chilly night recently, putting her to bed I asked "do you want covered with your bigger blanket?" She replied "no thanks, I don't need covered, I have insurance"

Making Babies

A couple went to the hospital for their baby delivery. The wife was very sickly and fragile. The deliver had to be a Caesarean section. The husband was pacing the hallways while the wife was in surgery. The nurse finally came out of the delivery room with a little package wrapped in a blue blanket. The nurse said to the husband, "Here is your new baby boy, I'm very sorry your wife didn't make it". The husband handed the baby back to the nurse and demanded, "Give me the baby my wife made, not this one."

A wife comes home late one night...

...and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two.

She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

Blanket joke, A wife comes home late one night...

jokes about blanket

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these blanket jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.