Blank Jokes

Fill in the blank: Friends are like_____

mine is "Friends are like trees, if you hit them with an axe they fall over."

What's the best joke you know that's kid-safe?

I know plenty of raunchy jokes, but was asked this recently and came up blank

My dad's favourite joke.

This is the joke that my dad has been telling for as long as I can remember:
A robber goes into a McDonald's and points a gun at the cashier. "This is a robbery. Give me all the money!" The cashier looks at him with a blank stare and says: "Would you like fries with that?"

Job Interview

A games programmer is at a job interview at Electronic Arts.
As the interview comes to an end, the interviewer glances down at the programmer's résumé and sees "please turn over" written at the bottom.
He turns the résumé over, but finds that the other side is blank.
The interviewer asks, "Where's the rest of your résumé?"
The programmer replies, "Oh, that's downloadable content; it costs an extra ten dollars!"

What did the blanket say to the bed?

Don't worry, I've got you covered.

Two fill in the blank jokes for your particular rivalry.

1. What's the difference between a girl from _______ and a parrot?
You can teach a parrot to say no.
2. Did you hear that _________ school library burnt down?
They lost both books. One of them hadn't even been colored in yet.

My dad tonight at dinner. Thought I would share.

My sister was in a hurry to get to a hockey game and was anxious to eat supper.
Sister: We better get eatin' soon.
Dad: I hope not, we still have food to eat.
Sister: *Blank stare*
tl;dr: Eaten vs eating

guy watches emoji reaction videos with blank expression

Police: "we are not racist"

"But we are not shooting blank"

There once was a boy named "Odd."

People made fun of him because of his name, so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."

(POINT BLANK) triplokil de maderão

A Blanket? It would be a fukkit.

Customer: "Do you sell a 'best of' Enya album here?"

Cashier: "What do you want - a blank CD?"

i once told my girlfriend there was something between me and Taylor swift

blank space

God had asked Jesus and the Devil to type out their quarterly reviews...

They are almost finished when suddenly, the power goes out. When it comes back on and they reboot their desktops, the Devil's screen is blank while Jesus's reviews stayed intact. Frustrated, the Devil asks Jesus why he still has his reviews. Jesus's response, "Jesus saves."

I went to Starbucks and I asked for them to write something offensive on my cup.

They gave me a blank red cup.

Why cant stormtroopers be fathers?

Because they shoot blank and always miss

Donald Trump visits and old folks' home...

to mingle with the people and pick up a little good P.R. at the same time. He walks up to a sweet old lady in a wheelchair who smiles at him with an other wise blank stare.
"Do you know who I am ?" asks Donald Trump.
She responds, "No, but if you ask the desk, they'll tell you.

I have the best blanket in the world

It's the sheet.

What does a blanket say to the other after a game of chess?

Well plaid.

ELI5 Why would an alien ever visit Roswell?

________________ Fill in the blank or answer the question.

You know what they say about blanket statements?

They're all false.

A monk once explained me the beauty of silence .

I went home and listened to a blank cd on full volume.

What's the easiest book to read?

A blank book

My professor wanted me to write an essay on existentialism...

So I passed in a blank sheet of paper

So ISIS have stockpiled over 10,000 brand new Syrian passports.

I'm seeing a lot of blank faces.

A blanket walks into a bar...

the bouncer stops him at the door and says "sir, you have to pay a cover charge to get in."

I bought this big bucket of blank pens and put them in the gift bags for the job fair.

Everyone soon found out the pens were ink-looted.

I didn't know what to draw ...

I was drawing a blank

What does the blanket say when it falls off the bed?

"Sheet."

I walked into a fancy dress shop and said to the woman, "I'm going to a party tonight, and I want to go as an A4 piece of paper."

She gave me a blank look.

I was confused as to why my interviewer gave me a blank stare when I told her my best quality was my flexibility..

I guess she's never seen a man put both his legs behind his head before.

What does a blanket say after beating another blanket at videogames?

Well plaid.
Please dont kill me.

What's the difference between Billy Cosby and Roseanne Bar?

Just fill in the blank.
R A _ I S T

Finding a nick

\Choose a nickname:
*ananas*
\Nick is already taken
*1 peeled ananas*
\Nick may not contain blank spaces
50damnedbloodypeeledananas

Almost everybody I know, has a secured WiFi but a blank WiFi password.

whenever I click 'Show Password' nothing shows up.

Joseph Stalin is walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl

Joseph Stalin was walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl sitting in the doorway of a house. He smiled at her and said "Little girl, do you know who I am?"
The little girl gives him a blank stare.
"You really don't know? I'm the one who gave you everything you have!"
The little girl's face lights up, and she runs into the house shouting "Mum! Mum! Uncle Ivan is home from America!"

On the day I got married, at the ceremony, I stood up and tapped my glass for everyone to be silent.

I held up a fruit and said nothing, scanning the crowd for any sign of pleasure.
All I got was a series of blank expressions, and I could feel my animosity growing as I searched each person, then the next.
"What's wrong with you all?" I finally shouted. "I thought you guys would love my wedding's peach!"

What Do You Call Someone Elses Meme?

[blank]

Laziness is the engine of progress.

The accountant printed out 50 absolutely clean sheets on the printer. To the question Why? , she replied that she needed 50 blank sheets, and she did not want to count them manually.

What do you call an artist who had a vasectomy?

Seriously, does anyone know?
I'm drawing a blank here.

"Blank Shot" never gets old

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
​
Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
​
Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..
​
Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..

An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars.

5 minutes before the bell, Bob handed in a blank sheet of paper. "Bob!" yelled the teacher. "You've done nothing. Why?"
"Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do."

This is a good joke to play on others. Pretend you're trying to solve a crossword puzzle- and say aloud "Postman -blank-. Any ideas?"

They'll likely say something like "Postman Pat" to which you reply- "no that doesn't fit.".
Then- if they're not completely thick- they should ask "How many letters?" and you tell 'em "A SACKFUL!"
Then they'll leave in disgust.

I just bought a Mitch Hedburg Album I've never heard before. "Mitch Hedburg: The Lost Jokes"

It was blank.

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

Look out pillow!

I asked my handyman why did he paint my staircase white

He was indeed puzzled. The only thing I got from him is a blank stair

There was a man once who was named "Odd"

He hated his name because he was bullied due to his name in School. His whole life he had to endure people making fun out of him. When he was old and on his death bed, he told his children that his headstone should not have his name and should be blank. After he died, his children fulfilled his wish and put up a blank headstone.
Later when people were passing by his grave, they would look at his blank headstone and say - "Hmmm. Thats Odd".