Blame Jokes

100 blame jokes and hilarious blame puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blame that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Blame Jokes

Short blame jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blame humour may include short pass the buck jokes also.

  1. My dad never really loved me as a child I can't really blame him though ; I wasn't born until he was an adult.
  2. I recently got crushed by a pile of books, I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I have only my shelf to blame.
  3. Guys, if your marriage fails don't just blame her. It takes 2 people to make a toxic relationship. Blame her and her mother.
  4. Wife: Do these jeans make me look fat? Husband: Come on honey, let's not blame it on the *jeans*.
  5. I blame my wife's cooking for my weight gain. Ever since she started cooking I've been eating out more.
  6. My 8-Year old patient was so pround, mom was not. Q: What type of bees make milk?
    A: BOO-Bees!
    And then he just couldn't stop laughing. Mom turned 50 shades of red and blamed dad. Good times.
  7. Who did Matthew McConaughey blame in the protests in Charlottesville? Alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.
  8. After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said,
    "I think I'm going to call it a day."
  9. The couple who started the gender reveal fires have said they are not to blame. "Don't blame us, blame arson'"
  10. Fill out job applications in crayon... ...and if you don't get hired, just blame it on your color.

Quick Jump To

Blame joke, Fill out job applications in <a href="/crayon-jokes.html" title="Crayon jokes">crayon</a>...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about blame can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of blame puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Blame One Liners

Which blame one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blame? I can suggest the ones about shame and fault.

  1. My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall But it was his dumb asphalt
  2. A man died today when a pile of books fell on him.!!! He only had his shelf to blame.,,,,
  3. What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head? "I have only my shelf to blame"
  4. A book falls on Sean Connery's head "Well, I've only got my shelf to blame"
  5. What has two thumbs and never takes the blame? That guy
  6. A book just fell on my head.. and I've only got myshelf to blame.
  7. I don't understand how cemeteries can raise their prices and blame the cost of living
  8. My friend got crushed by a pile of books. He's only got his shelf to blame.
  9. Books all over the floor..... but I have only my shelf to blame.
  10. How can we get Republicans to care about climate change? Blame it on the poor.
  11. My friend blamed himself for creating a fight club I told him "Don't beat yourself up"
  12. I think it's sexist that there are pop tarts but no mom tarts. I blame the pastry-archy.
  13. Man crushed by pile of old books His wife said he only had his shelf to blame
  14. Books keep falling on my head.... I've only got myshelf to blame
  15. I got kicked out of the conga festival I don't blame them. I was way out of line.

Blame joke, I got kicked out of the conga festival

Hilarious Blame Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about blame you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean excuse jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make blame prank.

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for s**..., my wife screamed at me. I'm really disappointed.

You can hardly blame me, I answered. It's not like I was getting any from you.
Well, that's your own fault, she replied. You never told me you were willing to pay for it.

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for s**..., my wife screamed at me.

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for s**..., my wife screamed at me. I'm really disappointed. You can hardly blame me, I answered. It's not like I was getting any from you. Well, that's your own fault, she replied. You never told me you were willing to pay for it.

The two troublemakers

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.
So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.
The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"

My wife is so moody at Christmas,

I blame the festive period.

How many Arabs does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just sit in the dark and blame the Jews.

This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator...

This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator. It's oppressive, you can't get away from it, and I'm pretty sure we can blame the U.S. for it.

Sean Connery was in his private library.

He was sat down reading a book when a large encyclopaedia fell and hit him on the head. "Ouch!" He said. "What was that? Who is responsible for this?" He then looked down at the book and noticed what it was. "Oh well" he said. "I guess I've only got myshelf to blame".

A student walks up to his teacher...

-Student: "Miss, would you blame someone for something that they didn't do?"
-Teacher: "No of course not. I would never do that."
-Student: "Good, because I didn't do my homework."

A young korean couple are lying in bed...

When the guy starts f**... nonstop.
The girl, unable to take the smell, says, "Stop, that's disgusting!"
"Don't blame me", the guy says. "It's the dog."
"Oh, don't blame him", she says. "He was cooked perfectly."

What did the feminist baker blame for all of her life's problems?

The Pastryarchy.

When you're in trouble at work, be frank...

That way, when the boss finds out, Frank gets the blame.

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip-off.
Well, you can't blame them. They don't make much money, they just keep the tips.

Therapist: "So your parents both blame you for the divorce"

Therapist: "So your parents both blame you for the divorce"
John: "Nah, I was just a kid."
Therapist: "That wasn't a question. I see them twice a week."

How many feminists does it take to make a sandwich?

One to make the sandwich,
One to excoriate men for creating hunger,
One to blame men for inventing such a laborious recipe,
One to suggest the whole "putting meat in between two non-consenting flaps of bread" bit to be too "r**...-like",
One to deconstruct the Bologna sausage itself as being p**...,
One to blame men for not making the sandwich,
One to blame men for trying to make the sandwich instead of letting a woman do it,
One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from eating,
One to blame men for creating a society where women make too many sandwiches,
One to advocate that sandwich makers should have wage parity with Michelin star chefs,
One to alert the media that women are now "out-sandwiching" men,
And one to take pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.

The Best Sean Connery Joke In EXISTENCE!

(Read in Mr. Connery's voice)
Ash I wash walking through my houshe, a book fell on me.
I had only myshelf to blame.

The best part about owning a pet.

You can blame your dog for f**...,
you can blame your cat for things falling over at night, and you can blame your goldfish for the screaming in the basement.

Did you hear about the orchestra that got electrocuted?

Some blame it on the conductor.

Two teenagers snuck into a crypt at night. One tripped over a small bone and the other unashamedly laughed.

Can't blame him though, it was a little humerus.

The queen of England f**... and quickly looked for someone else to blame.

"Bidwell!" she shouted to a servant, "stop that this instant!"
"Of course, your majesty," he replied. "Which way did it go?"

Did you hear the price of balloons is going to increase?

I blame it on inflation. But on the positive side, sales are supposed to go up!

After the assassination of Tsar Alexander II of Russia, a government official in Ukraine menacingly addressed the local rabbi,

"I suppose you know in full detail who was behind it."
"Ach," the rabbi replied, "I have no idea, but the government's conclusion will be the same as always: they will blame the Jews and the chimneysweeps."
"Why the chimneysweeps?" asked the befuddled official.
"Why the Jews?" responded the rabbi.

Crime And Violence

When I think about it, we are the ones to blame for all the crime and violence we have today, after all, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to get changed.

What does Congress do when they lose a game of CSGO?

They blame the Russians.

Why can't we blame all Stingrays for Steve Irwin's death?

Because hating all of them would clearly be an example of Ray-cism.

As a Dad, it breaks my heart to see how quick my kids are to blame others.

They get that from their mother.

I have a huge problem with self-esteem

But I can only blame myself for that.

You can't really blame Donald Trump for not believing in Global Warming

He's permanently surrounded by snowflakes.

In a marriage breakdown there are always both to be to blame...

...the wife and the mother-in-law.

Inner Strength

If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can resist complaints and excessively loud people,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...
If you can do all of these things, then you are probably a dog

Figured out who to blame for the earthquakes.

It's the earth's fault.

A book fell on me yesterday...

A book fell on me yesterday, I have no one to blame but my shelf.

A good workman doesn't blame his fools

s**... keyboard.

How many feminists does it takes to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they just sit there in the dark and blame men

A bunch of books fell on my head last night

I was pretty mad but I guess I've only got my shelf to blame.

I blame Mother Earth for all earthquakes.

It's always her fault.

My friend said that Donald Trump had found someone to blame over the Corona virus outbreak...

I asked him,'Who?'

Angry wife

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for s**..., my wife screamed at me. I'm really disappointed.
You can hardly blame me, I answered. It's not like I was getting any from you.

Well, that's your own fault, she replied. You never told me you were willing to pay for it.

My Friend: How did you get hit on the head by a book?

Me: I only have myshelf to blame

Sean Connery was arranging his bookcase when one of the books fell from the top and landed on his head.

Unfortunately Sean Connery only had his shelf to blame.

A book just fell on me

*I guess I only have myshelf to blame*

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell down and hit him on the head?

I can only blame my shelf

Earthquakes are confusing

We know where the fault lies but we have no one to blame

Don't blame others for the road your on

if you don't like it, its your own asphault

Dont blame others for the road you're on

Thats your own asphalt

A book fell on my head today

I blame *my shelf*

Sean Connery had a load of books fall on his head, thanks to dodgy DIY

He has only his shelf to blame

Don't blame anyone for the road you're on...

That's your own asphalt!

I can't blame them for disqualifying Sha'Carri Richardson after she tested positive for m**....

It's definitely a performance enhancing drug. I smoke w**... and can run a 3-day mile.

Dont Blame Someone Else For All The Things That Happen In Your Life And The Road You Have Chosen...

Thats Your Own Asphalt

A book fell on my head

I can only blame myshelf

Failed DIY project

I thought it would be cool to tar up my driveway, but it ended up looking hideous. Can't even blame anyone, it's my own s**... asphalt.

Never blame someone else for the road your life is on.

That's your own asphalt.

why don't people care when your books fall on the floor?

Because you only got your shelf to blame

A man stands in line at an ATM in Moscow.

After an hour he loses his patience and yells 'Putin is to blame for this I'm going to the Kremlin and kill him!'

30 minutes later he's back in line at the ATM.
'Why are you here again?' 'The line in front of the Kremlin is twice as long as this one...'

Are we Russian into WW3?

Or am I Putin the blame on the wrong dudez?

I used to be able to go to the store with only a quarter and come back with a carton of milk, but now I have to pay five whole dollars.

Some people blame inflation, but personally, I blame the security cameras.

I have a friend who can't seem to get her life together. I blame it on her citric acid allergy.

Every time life hands her lemons, she goes into anaphylactic shock.

I just called a bouncy house place for my kids birthday party...

We got one larger than last year but the guy quoted us 50% higher cost.
I asked him whats up with the price.
He said, blame inflation.

What's management's favorite keyboard shortcut?

Shift + Blame.

Two guys walk into a bar

A philosopher and a physician walk into a fabulous tiki beach bar in Florida and both order drinks. After a while the philosopher addresses the physician, "Have you read Marx?" The physician replies, "Yes, I blame these wicker bar stools."

A sad first attempt at a joke

(It's my first time posting here. Don't blame me for the terrible joke lol)
A lawyer just lost a career making/breaking case so Satan sees this as an opportunity to approach him and make him an offer.
Satan: I will make you the most successful lawyer in history. You will never lose a case again. You will be famous. You will be wealthy beyond your wildest imagination.
Lawyer: What's the catch?
Satan: I want the souls of your parents, your siblings, your spouse, your children and all your future descendants for d**... in h**... for all eternity.
Lawyer: Okay, but what's the catch?

Blame joke, A sad first attempt at a joke

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these blame jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.