Blam Jokes

I blame my wife's cooking for my weight gain.

Ever since she started cooking I've been eating out more.

You can't really blame Donald Trump for not believing in Global Warming

He's permanently surrounded by snowflakes.

Never blame someone else for the road your life is on.

That's your own asphalt.

Don't blame anyone for the road you're on...

That's your own asphalt!

Don't blame others for the road your on

if you don't like it, its your own asphault

Why can't we blame all Stingrays for Steve Irwin's death?

Because hating all of them would clearly be an example of Ray-cism.

I can't blame them for disqualifying Sha'Carri Richardson after she tested positive for m**....

It's definitely a performance enhancing drug. I smoke w**... and can run a 3-day mile.

I blame Mother Earth for all earthquakes.

It's always her fault.

I blame my parents for my apathetic attitude...

... but I don't care.

Jimmy is out hunting with his best buddy Mark

When Mark suddenly clutches his chest and falls to the ground. Thinking quickly Jimmy calls 911.
"My friend just had a heart attack! I think he's dead." he says the operator
"Ok sir, calm down. First check to make sure he's definitely dead. I'll hold."
**\*BLAM***
"Yeah, he's definitely dead."

You really can't blame Pee Wee Herman for what he did...

I mean, it's not like he could just do it at home with all of his furniture watching him..

Never blame someone else for the road you're on

It's your own asphalt

I blamed being late for work on Rush Hour...

The next day I blamed it on Rush Hour 2

Don't blame the holidays,

you were fat in August.

I don't blame Cat Zingano. I'm sure most men don't last 12 seconds with Rhonda Rousey either.

Don't blame Trump for this immigration policy,

Lady Liberty tried to come over from France 130 years ago and they still haven't let her in!

So I was going to blame my pet ostrich for a crime i committed

But my lawyer advised that it wouldn't fly in court.

I blame gravity for my education

It's always pulling me down...

Do you know who I blame for the rise of drugs in schools?

The supply teachers.

Everyone would blame Microsoft...

...but looks like Apple can't count either.

Can't blame Monica Lewinsky for getting her dress dirty...

I'm sure she just didn't see it coming...