Blade Jokes

72 blade jokes and hilarious blade puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blade that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

If you're looking for a few laughs, these witty blade jokes are sure to make you chuckle! Featuring jokes involving all kinds of blades, from razor blades, to wiper blades, to katanas and cord knives, you'll be sure to find a joke that you can use to lighten the mood. So get your blade facts ready, and get ready to laugh!

Best Short Blade Jokes

Short blade jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blade humour may include short sword jokes also.

  1. I was looking for some razor blades on amazon today I assume the ones with no reviews are the best.
  2. Ninja Joke Can a viking throw an axe?
    Sure he can.
    Can a cowboy throw a lasso?
    Sure he can.
    Can a ninja throw a spinning blade?
  3. Some say women have it hard, try being a man We wake up everyday only to hold a blade to our face and tie a noose around our neck.
  4. There once was a man in prison Who performed his own circumcision
    With cigarettes he paid
    And got his own blade
    What he shoulda bought was better precision.
  5. Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed razor
    She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.
  6. Sometimes when I feel really lonely, I put a blade to my neck. The ladies like a clean shaven guy.
  7. So Gillette just came out with a new Ad campaign calling out men for toxic masculinity. I can honestly say this is the first time Ive ever seen a razor blade company cut their own wrists.
  8. Did you hear about the local barber? He liked killing people with his blades during the summer festival.
    They called him the buzzkill.
  9. I don't go on and on about how I can't roller skate But apparently the whole world needs to know about how this w**... in the river can't swim.
  10. Why did the emo have two rulers and a razor blade? So he could measure twice and cut once.

Quick Jump To

Blade joke, Why did the emo have two rulers and a razor blade?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about blade can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of blade puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Blade One Liners

Which blade one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blade? I can suggest the ones about breaker and shaft.

  1. You know the razor blade works... when there are no reviews for it on amazon.
  2. How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades? By shaving with them.
  3. A knife with a foam blade? Microsoft Edge.
  4. Did you hear about the lady that backed into the propeller blade? Disassedher
  5. What do you call your significant other's knives? Bae blades.
  6. What's silver and tastes like blood? Razor Blades!
  7. Say "Rise Up Lights" out loud You just said "Razor Blades" in an Australian accent
  8. What do you get when your lovers soul is permanently stuck in a sword? A bae-blade
  9. What is an emo girlfriend's favorite toy? A bae-blade
  10. Luckily the blade of grass got arrested in the summer Because he's about to make bale!
  11. Did you hear about the woman who sat down on a saw blade? Dis-assed her.
  12. John Wick stabbed a guy in the shoulder. He was left with a bad shoulder blade.
  13. Why can't Wesley Snipes fly anymore? They don't allow Blades on planes.
  14. The hardest part about roller blading? Telling your parents you're gay
  15. What's the hardest part about roller blading? Stopping.

Razor Blade Jokes

Here is a list of funny razor blade jokes and even better razor blade puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm sick of these complicated Gillette 3 and 4 blade razors with vibrating heads, "cooling" technology, and pivoting heads etc... ...But I've always been a firm believer in Occam's razor.
  • What's red and sits in a corner?
    A baby playing with a razor blade.
  • How can tell know if the razor blade you are planning on buying is a good one? If there are no reviews for it on Amazon
  • My friend likes goth chicks... I call him razor blade.
  • What's pink and slowly turns red? A baby chewing on a razor blade.
  • A smooth close shave with a brand new razor blade is the best feeling in the world! ... was not the best thing to say to my wife shortly after s**....
  • "Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade."
    "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?"
    "Yea, I s**... with the electric razor."

Blade Runner Jokes

Here is a list of funny blade runner jokes and even better blade runner puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between the Academy Awards and the Paralympics In the Paralympics Blade Runner is an Oscar winning performance
    (I realise this joke is now three years too late)
  • I really want to watch Blade Runner 2049 but... I think I don't have the time to watch all 2048 movies before it to understand the plot
  • Blade Runner 2049 and Drive... [SPOILERS]
  • Blade Runner 2049 isn't a sequel It's the 2049^th version of the original movie.
  • What's the title of the Blade Runner sequel? Blade Runner 2: Do Androids Dream of Electric Boogaloo?
  • Why does Harrison Ford run from Wesley Snipes? Because he's the Blade Runner.
  • Blade Runner Joke: What does officer K call the p**... that sleeps with him? A blade rubber
Blade joke, Blade Runner Joke: What does officer K call the p**... that sleeps with him?

Hilarious Fun Blade Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about blade you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean knife jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make blade prank.

Princess Diana Jokes

What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.
How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.
Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can c**....
How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.
What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.
Yes I am a horrible person wow.

The Engineer

Towards the end of the French revolution many people lost their heads to the guillotine. One day a politician, a priest, and an engineer were to be executed.
The politician was first. The executioner asked him: "Do you have any last words?" to which the man replied, "I regret nothing." The executioner lowered the man's head into the guillotine and released the blade. It fell swiftly but suddenly jams and stopped just inches from reaching the politician's neck.
There was a rule with these executions where if the blade could not finish its job with one pull of the rope, the condemned were allowed to be released and set free. Upon realizing this the politician cheers in excitement and scampers away.
Up next was the priest - the executioner asked, "Do you have any last words?" to which the priest replied, "None. God has already saved my immortal soul." The executioner then lowered the priest's head into the guillotine and pulled the lever to release the blade. AGAIN, the blade jams and stops just inches before reaching the priest's neck. After realizing what had just happened, the priest said "Praise the lord, it's a miracle!" and scampered away.
Finally, the engineer was brought up to the guillotine. The executioner said, "Any last words?" to which the engineer replied - "Yes! I think I see what your problem is."

A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer are taken to the guillotine...

On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
The drunkard comes to the guillotine next. He also decides to die face up, hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Again, the authorities take this as a sign of divine intervention, and they release the drunkard as well.
Next is the engineer. He, too, decides to die facing up. As they slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, the engineer suddenly says, "Hey, I see what your problem is ..."

Watched Sling Blade the other day and heard this charmer.

Two young men, one from California the other from Arkansas, we're standing on a bridge relieving themselves into the water. The guy from California looks over and says,
"Gee, this water sure is cold",
To which the guy from Arkansas replies,
"And deep too!"

Three people are given the death sentence...

They are given a choice, guillotine or rifle for their execution.
The first convict states he will take the guillotine. When they setup and release, the blade gets stuck and the sheriff states "it is not your time, you may go."
The second decides on guillotine as well, the blade gets stuck and they also let him free.
The third says "Well, since the guillotine isn't working, I will take death by rifle."

As told by an Austrian engineer

Three engineers, a Brit, a Frenchman, and an Austrian, were found guilty of treason in a former colony. The sentence was death by guillotine, but the engineers were given a choice of receiving the penalty face-up, or face-down. The Brit chose face-up and the blade miraculously stopped inches short of his t**.... This was seen as a sign from God, and the Brit was set free. The French engineer also chose face-up, and once again, the blade stopped inches from the t**.... Again, a miracle, and the Frenchman was set free. The Austrian, not to be outdone, chose face-up, but just before the blade was released was heard to proclaim, "Wait a minute, I see the problem."

Is a lightsaber's blade hot or cold?

Neither. Its warm.
*picks up lightsaber
*warm warm warm*

What do you call a n**...'s concealed weapon?

Auschwitz blade!

What's an emo's favourite laptop?

A "Razer Blade"

I have an axe that was once owned by George Washington.

My great-great grandfather had to replace the handle. And my grandfather had to replace the blade, but it's Washington's axe.

During the French Revolution a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were facing execution on the guillotine.

The doctor was first, but the blade jammed and the doctor was set free due to Divine Intervention.
The lawyer was next, again the blade jammed, and was also set free.
As the engineer was being led to his doom, he glanced up at the blade and said Wait a minute! I think I see the problem…

I've been turning this blade of grass over and over for hours now..

Both sides seem equally green to me?!

Having lost his blade, is an honorable Samurai able to defeat an army of foes?


While you studied the curves of a woman, I studied the curves of the blade.

I probably should have studied how to actually use it.

A Vietnamese knight encounters a stray dog...

He grips his blade and calls out, "friend or pho?"

Why did the blade cross the road?

It wanted to see what it saw.

Why did the blade cross the road?

It saw something.

The pro duelist was outraged to find my blade had cleanly cut him in two.

He was beside himself.

A man dies in a horrible helicopter c**.... What was the last thing on his mind?

The helicopter blade

What did the blade of grass yell from the burning building?

Fescue me!

What do skeletons use to mug people?

A shoulder blade

A priest, lawyer, and engineer are about to be executed by guillotine.

The priest puts his head in but the blade doesn't fall. He proclaims god has saved him, and is let go.
The lawyer is next, and again the blade doesn't fall. He states that he can not be charged more than once for the same crime, so he is also let go.
The engineer puts his head into the path of the blade, but the blade still doesn't fall. He looks up and says, Oh. I see your problem.

Today, a man twisted my ear, put a blade to my t**... and demanded that I pay up

To h**... with the barbers.

Blade joke, Luckily the blade of grass got arrested in the summer

jokes about blade

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these blade jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.