Hilarious Fun Blade Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
Princess Diana Jokes
What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.
How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.
Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can c**....
How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.
What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.
Yes I am a horrible person wow.
Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed razor
blade?
She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.
A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer are taken to the guillotine...
On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
The drunkard comes to the guillotine next. He also decides to die face up, hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Again, the authorities take this as a sign of divine intervention, and they release the drunkard as well.
Next is the engineer. He, too, decides to die facing up. As they slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, the engineer suddenly says, "Hey, I see what your problem is ..."
Watched Sling Blade the other day and heard this charmer.
Two young men, one from California the other from Arkansas, we're standing on a bridge relieving themselves into the water. The guy from California looks over and says,
"Gee, this water sure is cold",
To which the guy from Arkansas replies,
"And deep too!"
Three people are given the death sentence...
They are given a choice, guillotine or rifle for their execution.
The first convict states he will take the guillotine. When they setup and release, the blade gets stuck and the sheriff states "it is not your time, you may go."
The second decides on guillotine as well, the blade gets stuck and they also let him free.
The third says "Well, since the guillotine isn't working, I will take death by rifle."
A smooth close shave with a brand new razor blade is the best feeling in the world!
... was not the best thing to say to my wife shortly after s**....
What's the difference between the Academy Awards and the Paralympics
In the Paralympics Blade Runner is an Oscar winning performance
(I realise this joke is now three years too late)
Some say women have it hard, try being a man
We wake up everyday only to hold a blade to our face and tie a noose around our neck.
Is a lightsaber's blade hot or cold?
Neither. Its warm.
*picks up lightsaber
*warm warm warm*
What do you call a n**...'s concealed weapon?
Auschwitz blade!
What's an emo's favourite laptop?
A "Razer Blade"
You can explore blade cord reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean blade scythe dad jokes. There are also blade puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Blade Runner 2049 isn't a sequel
It's the 2049^th version of the original movie.
I have an axe that was once owned by George Washington.
My great-great grandfather had to replace the handle. And my grandfather had to replace the blade, but it's Washington's axe.
John Wick stabbed a guy in the shoulder.
He was left with a bad shoulder blade.
During the French Revolution a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were facing execution on the guillotine.
The doctor was first, but the blade jammed and the doctor was set free due to Divine Intervention.
The lawyer was next, again the blade jammed, and was also set free.
As the engineer was being led to his doom, he glanced up at the blade and said Wait a minute! I think I see the problem…
You know the razor blade works...
when there are no reviews for it on Amazon.
I really want to watch Blade Runner 2049 but...
I think I don't have the time to watch all 2048 movies before it to understand the plot
Blade Runner 2049 and Drive... [SPOILERS]
I've been turning this blade of grass over and over for hours now..
Both sides seem equally green to me?!
Having lost his blade, is an honorable Samurai able to defeat an army of foes?
Shuriken.
While you studied the curves of a woman, I studied the curves of the blade.
I probably should have studied how to actually use it.
A Vietnamese knight encounters a stray dog...
He grips his blade and calls out, "friend or pho?"
I'm sick of these complicated Gillette 3 and 4 blade razors with vibrating heads, "cooling" technology, and pivoting heads etc...
...But I've always been a firm believer in Occam's razor.
How can tell know if the razor blade you are planning on buying is a good one?
If there are no reviews for it on Amazon
Ninja Joke
Can a viking throw an axe?
Sure he can.
Can a cowboy throw a lasso?
Sure he can.
Can a ninja throw a spinning blade?
Shuriken.
Did you hear about the lady that backed into the propeller blade?
Disassedher
Why did the blade cross the road?
It wanted to see what it saw.
Why did the blade cross the road?
It saw something.
Did you hear about the woman who sat down on a saw blade?
Dis-assed her.
Cr
A knife with a foam blade?
Microsoft Edge.
The pro duelist was outraged to find my blade had cleanly cut him in two.
He was beside himself.
A man dies in a horrible helicopter c**.... What was the last thing on his mind?
The helicopter blade
What did the blade of grass yell from the burning building?
Fescue me!
Why did the emo have two rulers and a razor blade?
So he could measure twice and cut once.
What do skeletons use to mug people?
A shoulder blade
So Gillette just came out with a new Ad campaign calling out men for toxic masculinity.
I can honestly say this is the first time Ive ever seen a razor blade company cut their own wrists.
Sometimes when I feel really lonely, I put a blade to my neck.
The ladies like a clean shaven guy.
A priest, lawyer, and engineer are about to be executed by guillotine.
The priest puts his head in but the blade doesn't fall. He proclaims god has saved him, and is let go.
The lawyer is next, and again the blade doesn't fall. He states that he can not be charged more than once for the same crime, so he is also let go.
The engineer puts his head into the path of the blade, but the blade still doesn't fall. He looks up and says, Oh. I see your problem.
Today, a man twisted my ear, put a blade to my t**... and demanded that I pay up
To h**... with the barbers.
There once was a man in prison
Who performed his own circumcision
With cigarettes he paid
And got his own blade
What he shoulda bought was better precision.
Luckily the blade of grass got arrested in the summer
Because he's about to make bale!
