Blade Jokes
67 blade jokes and hilarious blade puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about blade that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're looking for a few laughs, these witty blade jokes are sure to make you chuckle! Featuring jokes involving all kinds of blades, from razor blades, to wiper blades, to katanas and cord knives, you'll be sure to find a joke that you can use to lighten the mood. So get your blade facts ready, and get ready to laugh!
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Funniest Blade Short Jokes
Short blade jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The blade humour may include short sword jokes also.
- I was looking for some razor blades on amazon today I assume the ones with no reviews are the best.
- Ninja Joke Can a viking throw an axe?
Sure he can.
Can a cowboy throw a lasso?
Sure he can.
Can a ninja throw a spinning blade?
Shuriken. - There once was a man in prison Who performed his own circumcision
With cigarettes he paid
And got his own blade
What he shoulda bought was better precision. - So Gillette just came out with a new Ad campaign calling out men for toxic masculinity. I can honestly say this is the first time Ive ever seen a razor blade company cut their own wrists.
- Did you hear about the local barber? He liked killing people with his blades during the summer festival.
They called him the buzzkill. - I don't go on and on about how I can't roller skate But apparently the whole world needs to know about how this w**... in the river can't swim.
- Why did the emo have two rulers and a razor blade? So he could measure twice and cut once.
- What's the difference between the Academy Awards and the Paralympics In the Paralympics Blade Runner is an Oscar winning performance
(I realise this joke is now three years too late) - A Vietnamese knight encounters a stray dog... He grips his blade and calls out, "friend or pho?"
- I have an axe that was once owned by George Washington. My great-great grandfather had to replace the handle. And my grandfather had to replace the blade, but it's Washington's axe.
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Blade One Liners
Which blade one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with blade? I can suggest the ones about breaker and shaft.
- You know the razor blade works... when there are no reviews for it on amazon.
- How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades? By shaving with them.
- A knife with a foam blade? Microsoft Edge.
- Did you hear about the lady that backed into the propeller blade? Disassedher
- What do you call your significant other's knives? Bae blades.
- What's silver and tastes like blood? Razor Blades!
- Say "Rise Up Lights" out loud You just said "Razor Blades" in an Australian accent
- What do you get when your lovers soul is permanently stuck in a sword? A bae-blade
- What is an emo girlfriend's favorite toy? A bae-blade
- Luckily the blade of grass got arrested in the summer Because he's about to make bale!
- John Wick stabbed a guy in the shoulder. He was left with a bad shoulder blade.
- Why can't Wesley Snipes fly anymore? They don't allow Blades on planes.
- What's the hardest part about roller blading? Stopping.
- Can a ninja kill you with a hidden bladed circle of metal? Shuriken
- What did the blade of grass yell from the burning building? Fescue me!
Razor Blade Jokes
Here is a list of funny razor blade jokes and even better razor blade puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm sick of these complicated Gillette 3 and 4 blade razors with vibrating heads, "cooling" technology, and pivoting heads etc... ...But I've always been a firm believer in Occam's razor.
- How can tell know if the razor blade you are planning on buying is a good one? If there are no reviews for it on Amazon
- My friend likes goth chicks... I call him razor blade.
- What's pink and slowly turns red? A baby chewing on a razor blade.
Blade Runner Jokes
Here is a list of funny blade runner jokes and even better blade runner puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I really want to watch Blade Runner 2049 but... I think I don't have the time to watch all 2048 movies before it to understand the plot
- Blade Runner 2049 and Drive... [SPOILERS]
- Blade Runner 2049 isn't a sequel It's the 2049^th version of the original movie.
- What's the title of the Blade Runner sequel? Blade Runner 2: Do Androids Dream of Electric Boogaloo?
- Why does Harrison Ford run from Wesley Snipes? Because he's the Blade Runner.
Hilarious Fun Blade Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about blade you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean knife jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make blade pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Princess Diana Jokes
What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.
How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.
Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can c**....
How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.
What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.
Yes I am a horrible person wow.
The Engineer
Towards the end of the French revolution many people lost their heads to the guillotine. One day a politician, a priest, and an engineer were to be executed.
The politician was first. The executioner asked him: "Do you have any last words?" to which the man replied, "I regret nothing." The executioner lowered the man's head into the guillotine and released the blade. It fell swiftly but suddenly jams and stopped just inches from reaching the politician's neck.
There was a rule with these executions where if the blade could not finish its job with one pull of the rope, the condemned were allowed to be released and set free. Upon realizing this the politician cheers in excitement and scampers away.
Up next was the priest - the executioner asked, "Do you have any last words?" to which the priest replied, "None. God has already saved my immortal soul." The executioner then lowered the priest's head into the guillotine and pulled the lever to release the blade. AGAIN, the blade jams and stops just inches before reaching the priest's neck. After realizing what had just happened, the priest said "Praise the lord, it's a miracle!" and scampered away.
Finally, the engineer was brought up to the guillotine. The executioner said, "Any last words?" to which the engineer replied - "Yes! I think I see what your problem is."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed razor
blade?
She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.
A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer are taken to the guillotine...
On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
The drunkard comes to the guillotine next. He also decides to die face up, hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Again, the authorities take this as a sign of divine intervention, and they release the drunkard as well.
Next is the engineer. He, too, decides to die facing up. As they slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, the engineer suddenly says, "Hey, I see what your problem is ..."
Watched Sling Blade the other day and heard this charmer.
Two young men, one from California the other from Arkansas, we're standing on a bridge relieving themselves into the water. The guy from California looks over and says,
"Gee, this water sure is cold",
To which the guy from Arkansas replies,
"And deep too!"
Topical Jokes for 6/13
A woman at an Arizona Burger King found a razor blade in her salad. Even more amazing, she found a salad inside a Burger King.
A new study has discovered that dinosaurs were neither warm-blooded, nor cold-blooded. Which is the perfect dinosaur trivia, if you desperately need to end a conversation.
The LA Kings have won the NHL championship in double overtime. The team celebrated by trying to trade the Stanley Cup for a pair of NBA playoff tickets.
In Baltimore, police shot a cow that had escaped from a slaughterhouse. What the cow failed to realize, is that the entire city of Baltimore is one giant slaughterhouse.
Three people are given the death sentence...
They are given a choice, guillotine or rifle for their execution.
The first convict states he will take the guillotine. When they setup and release, the blade gets stuck and the sheriff states "it is not your time, you may go."
The second decides on guillotine as well, the blade gets stuck and they also let him free.
The third says "Well, since the guillotine isn't working, I will take death by rifle."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A smooth close shave with a brand new razor blade is the best feeling in the world!
... was not the best thing to say to my wife shortly after s**....
50 Blades of Grey
The online BDSMMORPG
Is a lightsaber's blade hot or cold?
Neither. Its warm.
*picks up lightsaber
*warm warm warm*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a n**...'s concealed weapon?
Auschwitz blade!
I should come with a "Caution: Sharp Blade" sign.
Because I'm so edgy.
A priest, a rabbi, and an engineer are about to be guillotined...
When it's the priest's turn,
the executioner pulls the rope on the guillotine and the blade gets 1/4 inch away from the priest's neck before snapping back up. The priest is unscathed.
The crowd roars, "It's a miracle! Let him go!" And the priest goes free.
Then it's the rabbi's turn. The executioner pulls the rope on the guillotine and the blade gets 1/4 inch away from the rabbi's neck before snapping back up. The rabbi is unscathed.
The crowd roars, "It's a miracle! Let him go!" The rabbi goes free.
Just before they lead the engineer to the guillotine, he looks at it and says, "I can fix that!"
What's an emo's favourite laptop?
A "Razer Blade"
During the French Revolution a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were facing execution on the guillotine.
The doctor was first, but the blade jammed and the doctor was set free due to Divine Intervention.
The lawyer was next, again the blade jammed, and was also set free.
As the engineer was being led to his doom, he glanced up at the blade and said Wait a minute! I think I see the problem…
I've been turning this blade of grass over and over for hours now..
Both sides seem equally green to me?!
Having lost his blade, is an honorable Samurai able to defeat an army of foes?
Shuriken.
While you studied the curves of a woman, I studied the curves of the blade.
I probably should have studied how to actually use it.
Why did the blade cross the road?
It wanted to see what it saw.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the woman who sat down on a saw blade?
Dis-assed her.
Cr
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The pro duelist was outraged to find my blade had cleanly cut him in two.
He was beside himself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man dies in a horrible helicopter c**.... What was the last thing on his mind?
The helicopter blade
What do skeletons use to mug people?
A shoulder blade
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today, a man twisted my ear, put a blade to my t**... and demanded that I pay up
To h**... with the barbers.
