Black People Jokes

White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do.

We do it in schools, because we have class.

I used to think all black people had boomboxes

then I realized that was just a stereo type

I don't understand why everyone thinks the KKK are racist.

Every week at our meetings there's always tons of black people hanging around.

If I got $1 every time somebody called me a racist

black people would rob me

As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people...

But I guess I'll take a shot at it.

What do you call 5 black people having sex?

A threesome

Why do some people think Jesus was black?

Cause he is our father, and he never came back.

Everyone keeps downvoting my racist jokes.

It's like a load of black people have suddenly gotten laptops or something.

Black people are allowed to say the n-word while white people can't.

But white people can say things that black people can't. Like, "Thanks for the
warning officer," and "Hi dad."

Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...

He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.

The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'

'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'

'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'

'But I'm Usain Bolt!'

'OK then, 2 minutes.'

Why are black people unable to get a PhD?

Because they can't get past their masters

People today are so politically correct. You can't even say black paint,

You have to say "Leeroy, please paint my fence."

Want to hear a racist joke?

Just kidding, i'm not racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.

Why don't black people go on cruises?

They aren't falling for that one again.

Why don't you ever see black people on cruises?

They'll never be tricked into that one again...

I was invited to a party...

'Black tie only' was written on the invitation card. When I got there, I noticed that other people worn shirts and pants, too.

Hi, I'm black, and I can't stand it when people assume we're all criminals

-Sent from your iPhone.

Black people sure love them some boom boxes.

I'm not racist,

That's just their stereotype.

I've always stood up for black people...

It's not worth getting stabbed over a seat

Why do black people always have nightmares?

Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

Why don't black people dream?

The last one who had a dream got shot.

So they say a Harriet Tubman's face is going on the $20 bill.

Excellent, I can't wait to start using black people as currency again.

People say Michael Jackson only became a paedophile when he was white. [NSFW]

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

Today I was walking past a car filled with black people and they locked the door when I got close.

I felt like a badass until I realized that it was my car.

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me racist

Black people would rob me

I failed a biology test today, they had asked me what was commonly found in cells

Apparently black people was not the answer.

In biology class my teacher asked "What is most commonly found in cells?"

Apparently "black people" was not the right answer

People are so sensitive now-a-days.

People are so sensitive now-a-days. You can't even say black paint. Instead you gotta say, Jamal, will you please paint the fence?

I missed a question on my biology exam today.

The question was "what are commonly found in cells?" I guess "black people" wasn't the right answer.

If I had a dollar for every time I said something racist

A lot more black people would try to rob me

The heaviest things in the universe

3 - Neutron stars

2 - Black holes

1 - The collective weight of the people who thought this was a yo momma joke

How does every racist joke against black people start?

Some guy looking around to see if there are any black people nearby.

why are black people so tall?

because their knee grows

A young boy asks his dad

A young boy asks his dad: "Why do people say gardeners have green thumbs when their fingers aren't actually green?"

The dad replies: "It's just a saying, son. It's like when somebody is caught stealing something, they say that they have been caught 'red handed,' even though their hands are actually black."

I wish Johnny Rockets would stop claiming to be an authentic 40s diner...

... I see black people eating there All the time.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because we killed the one who had a dream.
Happy MLK day

How many black people does it take to start a riot?

One less than before

I'm excited about a black person being on the $20 bill.

I always wanted to use black people as currency.

I was asked on a biology test "what is most commonly found in cells"

Black people was the wrong answer...

98% of black people love having sex in showers

The other 2% haven't been to prison yet

Why is the bottom of the ocean so dark?

Black people can't swim.

My black girlfriend told me this on our first date.

What do you call 200 black people in a barn?

Antique farm equipment.

I failed my AP Biology test...

They asked; "what is something commonly found in cells?"

Apparently black people wasn't the correct answer

Why don't black people go on cruises?

They already fell for that once.

Black people can be racist too

It's just that white people are much better at it like we are at everything else.

"dad, why do people say they have green fingers when their fingers are not green"?

"well son, its a saying. just like when you say someone was caught red handed, when their hand is actually black"

You know, people in the 1970s thought there would be a black president when pigs fly...

Then Barack Obama was elected. And after a year, swine flu.

Why did people make white chocolate?

So black kids could get dirty faces too.

My kids will be friends with people of all colors of the rainbow.

That means no black people.

(Credit goes to a person on either America's Got Talent or Britain's Got Talent, can't remember which)

Don't be racist, be like Mario...

He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...

The sun blacks out on a work day & everyone is amazed.

I do it and people say I've "got a problem."

We may not be able to call black people the N-word

But we can say things like "hey dad" and "have a nice day officer."

It's no surprise that the Williams sisters...

It's no surprise that the Williams sisters always win at tennis.

Black people have centuries of experience serving.

And appearing at the courts, for that matter.

To the people comparing Rachel Dolezal pretending to be black to Caitlyn Jenner being trans...

Transrachel isn't the same as transjenner.

Not sure if Jesus was black or white...

...but he certainly wasn't asian, or people wouldn't be asking him to take the wheel.

My teacher called me racist today....

So I told him " I am not racist because as we all know racism is a crime and crime is only done by black people."

Why do black people go to church?

Because the father is actually there.

Why do so many black people believe in God?

Its the only father they will ever know.

People are so political these days...

...that you can't even say black paint. Instead, you have to say, "Daniel, please paint my fence".

Why do black people eat fried chicken?

Because it tastes good.

A man from the Census Bureau knocks on an apartment door in the projects

A black woman answers the door and the man asks, "Excuse me, Ma'am, how many people live here?"

The woman replies, "Me and my 12 children".

"Wow" the man exclaims, "I had better go get an extra record sheet so I can write down all of their names".

"No, you won't need to" she says, "I named them all Leeroy".

The man stops for a second with a puzzled look on his face. "But Ma'am, how do you call them each to dinner?"

"I just yell 'Leeroy, time for dinner!' and they all come".

"But then how do you get them to go to bed?"

"Same thing. I just yell 'Leeroy, time for bed!' and they all get to bed".

"So what do you do when you want to speak to them one on one?"

"That's easy, I just call them by their last name."

What's the most offensive joke you have heard?

Here is a few I've heard:
What's the best thing about sex with twenty one year olds?
There's twenty of them

How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope

What do you call a black woman who's had 7 abortions?
A crime fighter

Whats the difference between a jew and a dollar?
People would care about losing 6 million dollars

Guy can tell how any animal was killed

Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.

People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).

the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!

the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.

the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**

"Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

"Son, some people see God as a man, while others see God as a woman."

"Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Son, some people see God as black, while others see God as white."

"Daddy, is God Michael Jackson?"

I hate when black people mistakenly think I'm racist

Today, a black guy was holding hands with his white girlfriend in the airport and got upset because he caught me looking at him suspiciously. I wish I could explain to him that I was only trying to figure out if he was in the NBA or not.

People need to be a little bit more considerate of Trump's decision to skip the White House Correspondents' dinner.

The roasting waiting for him there would probably have made him the second black president.

A young black boy walks int to kitchen ...

There he dumps a pound of flour on himself, he goes to his mother and says, " look! I'm a white boy!" His mother slaps him in the mouth and says, "go tell your Father what you jst said!" The boy goes to his fAther and says, " look! I'm a white boy!" His father takes him over his leg and spanks him hard. Then the father asked," okay son , now what have you learned?" The looks at him and says," I've only been a white boy for 8 minutes now an I already hate you black people!"

Overcrowded church

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.

The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"

Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.

After a few moments, there were only three people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.

The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."

Last Names

Back in olden days, people got their last names by their profession or something they were known for. For example, if your last name is smith, your ancestor was a black smith. If your last name is Carpenter your ancestor was a carpenter. And if your last name is Dickinson I have some bad news

I hate myself for laughing, but a joke my grandpa told me..

What do you call 5 black people having sex?

A Three some.

A white man tells a black man

Why do people call you color man ?? To what the black man answers " I don't know

When I was born; I was black.
When I started to grow, I was black.
When I go to the beach I'm black.
When I have a cold I'm still black.
When I have panic I'm black.
When I'm sick I'm black.
even when I die I continued to be black.

Instead you my friend

When you're born you're pink.
When you start to grow you are white.
When you go to the beach you look red.
When you're cold you look blue.
When you have panic you look yellow.
When you're sick you look green.
When you die you turn gray ....

And they still dare to call me a color man

Caught red handed

Little Johnny asks, "Dad, why do they say people who are good at gardening have a green thumb?".
Dad thought for a moment, "Johnny, it's just a saying. It's like when someone is caught stealing, it's said they're caught red handed, even though their hands are black".

So a man is sitting on a plane...

And he sees the most beautiful woman he's ever seen in the aisle. He gets excited as he realizes she is coming to sit down in the seat beside him.
The most beautiful woman he's ever seen is coming to sit down beside him!
Once the woman sits they wait in silence for a moment before beginning to have some small talk.
"Hello..." the man uttered.
"Hi there! I'm Mary Jameson. Nice to meet you. I'm a sexologist."
The man was bewildered by her willingness to let him know her profession.
"Well..." the man said, "what does a... sexologist do?"
"I study the science of sex."
Ecstatic, the man couldn't help but ask for more.
"Such as?"
"Well, for starters," the woman began, "it's a common misconception that black men are the best at what they do. It's actually the Native Americans such as the Cherokee or the Sioux."
"I see" said the man, anxious for more, "anything else?"
"Another mistake people make is thinking the French are the best lovers. It's actually the Irish who are the most intimate." The woman paused. "Oh how rude of me, I've been talking to you and I haven't bothered to ask your name!"
The man outstretched his arm and replied...
"The name's Tanto. Tanto O'Sullivan."

People say congress is in a stalemate, but that isn't true

In order for a stalemate you need black pieces

Do you have something against black people?!?!!?

Yes, an alarm system.

Today I Failed my Biology Test.

One of the questions asked. What are normally found inside cells?

Apparently, 'Black People' was not the correct answer.

Black people love boom boxes ..

I hate to generalize, but it's their stereotype ;-)

Luke cage

In marvels luke cage everyone thinks that luke has super powers because he's bullet proof.

But bullet proof black people isn't a super power it's straight up evolution.

A little black kid covered himself with baby powder.

A little black kid covered himself with baby powder and ran up to his mom screaming, "Mama, mama! Look, I'm white!". His mom was very upset and gave him a spanking and told him, "Go and tell your auntie what you told me!"
So he ran up to his auntie and said "Auntie, auntie! Look, I'm white!" His auntie got even angrier and belted him, and said "Go and tell your grandmother what you just told me"
So he ran up to his grandmother and said "Grandma, grandma! Look, I'm white". She got even angrier and beat him harder than both his mom and aunt combined.
After she was done, she asked him, "So what have you learned from this?"
And the kid responded, "I've only been white for about ten minutes and I already hate black people".

Usain Bolt decides to play some golf

He goes into the clubhouse to get membership and play a round.

The receptionist says 'Sorry sir, we don't allow black people in this club.'

'That's ridiculous. It's 2016 and you don't allow black people in this golf club?'

'Please don't make a scene sir, there's another golf club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in'

'But I'm Usain Bolt!'

'Its only 2 minutes then'

Credit to /u/Ron_manager who posted this a year or so ago, it's a breath of fresh air compared to the usual Bolt/Hitler one that does the rounds.

Why are there no black people in "The Jetsons"

Because it's going to be a great future.

I respect all people

Black people

Asian people

And normal people

A black man walks into a restaurant

The waiter says: We dont serve black people here!

The black man responds: Thats okay, I don't eat them anyway.

An extremely racist white trucker is driving down the highway...

An extremely racist white trucker is driving down the highway when he spots a priest walking down the shoulder with a gas can. The trucker pulls over and offers to give the priest a ride to the next gas station which is many miles ahead. The priest kindly accepts the offer and off they go.

A few minutes later the trucker spots a black man, also walking on the shoulder. The trucker despises black people and decides that he is going to run over the black man. He aims his truck but then realizes he has a priest in the cab so he swerves again to avoid the black man. Still the trucker hears a loud thud!

"I'm sorry father, did I hit the black man?"

"No, my son. But don't worry, I got him with the gas can."

What do black people do after sex?

15 to life

Why do black people cry during sex?

Because of the mace.

A snail walks into a car dealership...

and is immediately greeted by a salesman.

"I want your finest car", says the snail.

So the salesman drives up in a brand new, pearl white fully loaded Rolls Royce.

The snail is very excited. "Excellent. Now before I pay for this car, is there something else you can do for me?"

The salesman is about to wet himself from the sweet commission he's about to get. "What do you need?"

The snail replies "I want you to take this black paint, and cover the entire car with hundreds of S's."

The man is flabergasted. "but sir, that would look horrible...why would you want to defile such a beautiful and expensive car?"

The snail responded proudly, "When I'm driving down the street, I want people to stop, point at my car and say 'wow...look at that S car go!'"

Why is hip hop popular among urban youth?

because it's the only time a black man can tell a crowd of white people to put their hands in the air.

What does the flint water crises and Chicago PD have in common?

The amount of lead put into black people.

(It was funnier over the radio)

We have collected gags that can be used as Black People pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Black People, here are one liners and funny Black People pick up lines.

Joko Jokes