The Best 91 Black Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Black jokes. There are some black asian jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these black black or white puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Black Jokes and Puns
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint
You have to say
Leroy, please paint that wall
"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"
"Mister President, we've been over this..."
If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole
you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation
White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do.
We do it in schools, because we have class.
If the Klu Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?
Because they don't have access to black magic.
A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was
I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".
I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday.
All Fridays matter.
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A Swallow.
How many blacks does it take to start a riot?
-1
I was in Feruson, got jumped by 5 black guys
It started right up, they said I just need to replace the battery.
Everyone keeps downvoting my racist jokes.
It's like a load of black people have suddenly gotten laptops or something.
You can explore black brown reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean black yo mama so black dad jokes. There are also black puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass.
I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.
A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef.
The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"
What caused The Black Death?
The police.
A guy applies for a job with the L.A.P.D.
Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job.
Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit."
Guy replies "Why the rabbit?"
Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"
A black guy applied for a job at the LAPD
He got shot down
I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore.
The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery.
Old rich white men selecting strong young black men to work on their fields?
I'm not sure about this NFL draft thing.
Peter is different
A couple have 13 children, 12 of them are blonde and have blue eyes, 1 has black hair and brown eyes, his name is Peter. One day the wife of the couple is dying of illness, her husband is sitting on her bed. The husband says "Our Peter is different from the other kids, does he have a different father?" His wife says yes. And, the man says, "Then, who is his dad?" Upon which his wife says, "You".
Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market.
Oh the irony.
Pavlov's birds
An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
A girl takes a black guy home.
At the end of a night out on the town, a girl takes a black guy back to her house.
They're kissing and moving towards her bedroom when she looks at him with the most flirtatious eyes she can muster and says: "Is it true what they say about black guys? ;)"
To which the man responded "Of course it is baby.", stabbed her, stole her wallet and left.
If I got $1 every time somebody called me a racist
black people would rob me
If the next president is white....
That means the entire country went black and successfully went back.
how do you starve a black person?
the same way you would a white person.... you racist.
100m Dash
A girl says to her friend "The last time I had sex was like the 100 meter dash"
Her friend says "What, over in 6 seconds?"
"No, with 8 black men and a gun."
Someone called me racist for saying "black paint"
Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence".
Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster...
Now it just doesn't work.
"I'm proud to be a black man"
"I'm proud to be a black man!" said the black man.
"I'm proud to be an Asian man!" said the Asian man.
"I'm proud to be a white man!" said the racist.
Why do some people think Jesus was black?
Cause he is our father, and he never came back.
What do you call 5 black people having sex?
A threesome
Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?
Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
What did the black holes say when they collided?
Nothing, they just waved.
(Sorry)
I work in a library and a black guy asked me if there are any coloured printers...
I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
What is long, black and dangerous to cut into?
the line at KFC
I painted my computer black so it would run faster.
Now it doesn't work.
Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
Now the whole system is corrupt.
I don't see why racists are upset with Harriet Tubman being on the $20 bill...
They can finally legally own a black person again.
The reason why I only date black girls
is because I don't like meeting dads.
A boy asks his dad a question
A boy asks his dad "Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs,when their thumbs are not green?"
The dad replies,"It's just a saying son,It's like when somebody is caught stealing,they say they have been caught 'red handed',even though their hands is black."
A black guy and a white girl are at a party
A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs
What's big, black and loaded with aids?
A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.
The little black jewish boy...
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black? The dad replies, Why do you want to know, son? Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!
I shot a Black Man the other day
I got charged with impersonating a Police Officer.
If I had $1 for every time I read a racist comment on the internet
I'd still be broke. Because I am black and can't read.
Why did Obama get two terms?
Because black men always get a longer sentence
A black man and an autistic man walk into a bar
The autistic man orders a shot, but the black man gets it instead
Apparently saying "Black Paint" is not politically correct,
The right way to say it is "Tyrone, please paint the wall"
A cop is confronted by a white guy with a gun and a black guy with a nerf bat. Who does he shoot first?
The bystander with the camera.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night
The police told us to stay inside until they shot him
Two kids were wondering if God is black or white..
So they prayed and asked him. A booming voice from the heavens answered "I am what I am." One kid said, "Well, I guess he's white." The other said, "How can you tell?" "Well, if he was black, he would've answered, 'I is what I is.'"
As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people...
But I guess I'll take a shot at it.
When Barack Obama gives his speech, he stands behind a bulletproof glass.
That shows how racist America still is.
Just because he's black, doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone
Thanks Frankie Boyle
I'm Black. So I can't be racist. But these suckers keep telling me that I am.
"Jake, you can't call yourself Black just because you went to jail once. That is racist"
Sometimes I just wish I was black.
That way I wouldn't have to deal with all the dad jokes
A black guys walks into a bank...
... says "I'm looking for a job!"
The bank manager says, "Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"
The black guy says "You're joking."
The bank manager says "Well, you started it!"
A kid asks, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"
The mom replies, "Listen, the way I remember that party you're lucky you don't bark."
I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?
In an explosion.
A man applies for a job with the local police.
The officer says, "This is the best résumé I've ever seen! There's just one more test before you get the job. Take this gun, go out and shoot eight black guys and a cat."
Guy replies "Why the cat?"
Officer says "Great attitude, you're hired!"
A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...
...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.
P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.
I put a black hole in my living room.
It's great. Really pulls the room together.
I got arrested for killing a black man.
They charged me with impersonating a police officer.
How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
None. "He fell".
Only 1300's kids will get this..
The Black Plague
If I had a dollar for every racist thing I said
a black guy would probably rob me.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to beat the room for being black and one to arrest the bulb for being broke.
My last time having sex was like the 100m dash
There were 8 black guys and a gun
A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar
Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."
The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."
A young black Jew asks his father, "Dad, am I more black or more Jew?"...
"Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.
The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."
Why do police officers wear blue?
Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.
I don't understand why everyone thinks the KKK are racist.
Every week at our meetings there's always tons of black people hanging around.
A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100m finals
I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?"
"No," she said,
"Eight black men and a gun."
Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.
He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.
A boy says to his dad, "Why do they say gardeners have got green fingers when their fingers aren't green?"
His dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught red-handed', even though their hands are actually black."
I used to think all black people had boomboxes
then I realized that was just a stereo type
Black people are allowed to say the n-word while white people can't.
But white people can say things that black people can't. Like, "Thanks for the
warning officer," and "Hi dad."
What do you call a black man that's just been hit by a bus?
An ambulance you racist.
The government reveals their new logo today....
The government reveals their new logo today, on a black background sit a magnificent image of a condom.
I guess it makes sense, seeings as how a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while being screwed.
Jane and Erica are talking in heaven
"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."
A black man walks into a restaurant..
There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."
The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."
The black man smiles, looks at the white man and says, "Sir, when I was born I was black, when I am sick I'm black, when I'm cold I'm black, when I'm angry I'm black and when I sad I'm black.
But you, sir, when you're born you're pink, when you're sick you are green, when you're cold you turn blue and when you're angry you turn red.
And you have the nerve to call me colored!"
Apparently my family is racist
I had them meet my new black girlfriend and they all started screaming at us. Especially my wife.
Two Jews are arguing before the Rabbi
J1: "Black is a color!"
J2: "NO! it is not!"
J1: "It is a color!"
J2: "Rabbi, is black a color?"
Rabbi: "Well, sure..."
J1: "See, I told you. And so is white!"
J2: "White is not a color!"
J1: "Rabbi?"
Rabbi: "Well, yes, white is a color"
J1: "See, I told you Moishe, I sold you a *color* TV"
What do you call a black man that is hammered AF that is stumbling to his car from the bar?
An Uber so he can get home safely
Is black comedy allowed on here?
Wanted to post a Kevin Hart joke.
What's black and doesn't work?
Decaf coffee
What happens to Musk when he approaches a black hole?
He gets Elongated
When I was in Japan I was asked by a woman on the train, "What's black and white and red all over?"
"Wow" I replied. "You speak English?"
She replied, "Just a riddle".
(I saw this as a meme, but haven't found it on this sub yet so here it goes) Pixar's movies always have the same idea
What if x has feelings?
Examples:
Toy Story: What if toys have feelings
Cars: What if cars have feelings
Inside Out: What if feelings have feelings
Soul: What if black people have feelings?
A gay woman, a working class white guy, an old Jewish lady, a disabled man and a young black lady all walk into a bar.
What a wonderful example of a well-integrated community.
Me: You know, the female black widow spider kills the male spider after mating. I don't understand why?
Wife: I'm pretty sure it's to stop the male from snoring before it starts
Ringwraiths
My daughter watching Lord of the rings:
D: So the hobbits call the nazgul the black riders right?
Me: yeah
D: the nazgul are like: 'yo, that's wraithist'
Cue facepalm.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the black negroes jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working black lewis black piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.