Black Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Black puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Black

"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"

"Mister President, we've been over this..."

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do.

We do it in schools, because we have class.

If the Klu Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?

Because they don't have access to black magic.

A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was

I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".

I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday.

All Fridays matter.

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint

You have to say

Leroy, please paint that wall

If I had a dollar for every racist thing I said

a black guy would probably rob me.

Only 1300's kids will get this..

The Black Plague

I think my family is racist...

when I brought my black girlfriend home to meet them, my wife and daughter wouldn't even talk to her!

I got arrested for killing a black man.

They charged me with impersonating a police officer.

I used to think all black people had boomboxes

then I realized that was just a stereo type

I put a black hole in my living room.

It's great. Really pulls the room together.

A guy applies for a job with the L.A.P.D.

Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job.
Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit."

Guy replies "Why the rabbit?"

Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

What do you call a black man that's just been hit by a bus?

An ambulance you racist.

I don't understand why everyone thinks the KKK are racist.

Every week at our meetings there's always tons of black people hanging around.

Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?

Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

If I got $1 every time somebody called me a racist

black people would rob me

Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market.

Oh the irony.

A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar

Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."

The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."

I work in a library and a black guy asked me if there are any coloured printers...

I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."

I painted my computer black so it would run faster.

Now it doesn't work.

Then I painted my computer white so it would work.

Now the whole system is corrupt.

Sometimes I just wish I was black.

That way I wouldn't have to deal with all the dad jokes

If the next president is white....

That means the entire country went black and successfully went back.

Why did Obama get two terms?

Because black men always get a longer sentence

What's big, black and loaded with aids?

A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night

The police told us to stay inside until they shot him

As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people...

But I guess I'll take a shot at it.

100m Dash

A girl says to her friend "The last time I had sex was like the 100 meter dash"

Her friend says "What, over in 6 seconds?"

"No, with 8 black men and a gun."

I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore.

The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery.

I don't see why racists are upset with Harriet Tubman being on the $20 bill...

They can finally legally own a black person again.

What did the black holes say when they collided?

Nothing, they just waved.

(Sorry)

I'm Black. So I can't be racist. But these suckers keep telling me that I am.

"Jake, you can't call yourself Black just because you went to jail once. That is racist"

Old rich white men selecting strong young black men to work on their fields?

I'm not sure about this NFL draft thing.

The little black jewish boy...

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black? The dad replies, Why do you want to know, son? Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!

A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef.

The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"

How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None. "He fell".

The government reveals their new logo today....

The government reveals their new logo today, on a black background sit a magnificent image of a condom.

I guess it makes sense, seeings as how a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while being screwed.

A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100m finals

I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?"

"No," she said,

"Eight black men and a gun."

The reason why I only date black girls

is because I don't like meeting dads.

What do you call 5 black people having sex?

A threesome

What caused The Black Death?

The police.

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A Swallow.

Why do some people think Jesus was black?

Cause he is our father, and he never came back.

I was in Feruson, got jumped by 5 black guys

It started right up, they said I just need to replace the battery.

A black guy and a white girl are at a party

A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs

A boy asks his dad a question

A boy asks his dad "Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs,when their thumbs are not green?"

The dad replies,"It's just a saying son,It's like when somebody is caught stealing,they say they have been caught 'red handed',even though their hands is black."

If I had $1 for every time I read a racist comment on the internet

I'd still be broke. Because I am black and can't read.

Everyone keeps downvoting my racist jokes.

It's like a load of black people have suddenly gotten laptops or something.

What is long, black and dangerous to cut into?

the line at KFC

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?

In an explosion.

how do you starve a black person?

the same way you would a white person.... you racist.

Sadly I think my family are a bunch of racists.

I started dating a black girl recently, so I decided to bring her home to meet the family.

The kids wouldn't talk to her and my wife told me to pack my bags and leave.

How many blacks does it take to start a riot?

-1

"I'm proud to be a black man"

"I'm proud to be a black man!" said the black man.

"I'm proud to be an Asian man!" said the Asian man.

"I'm proud to be a white man!" said the racist.

A boy says to his dad, "Why do they say gardeners have got green fingers when their fingers aren't green?"

His dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught red-handed', even though their hands are actually black."

I shot a Black Man the other day

I got charged with impersonating a Police Officer.

Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster...

Now it just doesn't work.

Why do police officers wear blue?

Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.

Someone called me racist for saying "black paint"

Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence".

I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass.

I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.

My last time having sex was like the 100m dash

There were 8 black guys and a gun

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

A girl takes a black guy home.

At the end of a night out on the town, a girl takes a black guy back to her house.

They're kissing and moving towards her bedroom when she looks at him with the most flirtatious eyes she can muster and says: "Is it true what they say about black guys? ;)"

To which the man responded "Of course it is baby.", stabbed her, stole her wallet and left.

A black man and an autistic man walk into a bar

The autistic man orders a shot, but the black man gets it instead

A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...

...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.



P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.

A black guy applied for a job at the LAPD

He got shot down

A cop is confronted by a white guy with a gun and a black guy with a nerf bat. Who does he shoot first?

The bystander with the camera.

Apparently saying "Black Paint" is not politically correct,

The right way to say it is "Tyrone, please paint the wall"

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to beat the room for being black and one to arrest the bulb for being broke.

A kid asks, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"

The mom replies, "Listen, the way I remember that party you're lucky you don't bark."

Peter is different

A couple have 13 children, 12 of them are blonde and have blue eyes, 1 has black hair and brown eyes, his name is Peter. One day the wife of the couple is dying of illness, her husband is sitting on her bed. The husband says "Our Peter is different from the other kids, does he have a different father?" His wife says yes. And, the man says, "Then, who is his dad?" Upon which his wife says, "You".

A black guys walks into a bank...

... says "I'm looking for a job!"

The bank manager says, "Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"


The black guy says "You're joking."


The bank manager says "Well, you started it!"

Black people are allowed to say the n-word while white people can't.

But white people can say things that black people can't. Like, "Thanks for the
warning officer," and "Hi dad."

A man applies for a job with the local police.

The officer says, "This is the best résumé I've ever seen! There's just one more test before you get the job. Take this gun, go out and shoot eight black guys and a cat."

Guy replies "Why the cat?"

Officer says "Great attitude, you're hired!"

A young black Jew asks his father, "Dad, am I more black or more Jew?"...

"Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.

The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."

Two kids were wondering if God is black or white..

So they prayed and asked him. A booming voice from the heavens answered "I am what I am." One kid said, "Well, I guess he's white." The other said, "How can you tell?" "Well, if he was black, he would've answered, 'I is what I is.'"

America is racist

When Barack Obama gives his speech, he stands behind a bulletproof glass . That shows how racist America still is.

Just because he's black, doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone



Thanks Frankie Boyle

Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies?

Swallows.

Why is there no black character in the game "Clue"?

Because then it would be called "Solved."

Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...

He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.

The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'

'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'

'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'

'But I'm Usain Bolt!'

'OK then, 2 minutes.'

Why doesn't Melania Trump want her husband to become President?

She doesn't want to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes