They're the Tolkien white guys.
"Mister President, we've been over this..."
you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation
Or just mine ?
We do it in schools, because we have class.
Because they don't have access to black magic.
I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".
Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.
Homeless man: Alright sir whats your name?
Me: John
Homeless man: So Johnny, there is black rooster alright?
How many legs does that chicken have.
Me: Two?
Homeless man: Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?
Me: Two?
Homeless man: Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?
Me: Two?
Homeless man: Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?
Me: I don't know? A lot?
Homeless man: Well Johnny, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy.
.... The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.
She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"
To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check.
"There's no charge," he says.
"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.
"Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.
"Then it was just a matter of switching the heads"
All Fridays matter.
A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful.
Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"
The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: Dear, breakfast is made. I've gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!
He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there's breakfast. Joe, he says to his son, what happened last night?
You came home soused and got that black eye tripping over a chair.
So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?
Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take off your clothes, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!'
The white man goes up to the bar to order a whiskey. The barman goes, "Hey, aren't you George Bush?"
"Yes, I am" he replies. "Well Mr. President it's an honor."
Then the black man goes up to the bar to get his drink. "Hey, aren't you Barack Obama?" asks the barman. "Yes I am", Obama responds. "Two presidents in my bar in one day; this is the highlight of my life" the barman gushes.
Then the orange man walks up to the bar. The barman immediately tells him to get out of the bar. Furiously, he asks why and the barman exclaims "Ted; you just got a new liver last week. Your wife would kill me if I gave you a drink."
You have to say
Leroy, please paint that wall
I said, "Shit, man, it's 2018. You can use whatever printer you want."
A redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having their babies. Upon arriving, he sat down as the nurse said "congratulations, your wife has had quintuplets, 5 big baby boys."
The redneck said "I am not surprised. I have a penis the size of a chimney." The nurse replied "you might want to get it cleaned because they are all black."
a black guy would probably rob me.
I replied, "Dude, it's 2017, you can use any printer you want."
The Black Plague
when I brought my black girlfriend home to meet them, my wife and daughter wouldn't even talk to her!
They charged me with impersonating a police officer.
then I realized that was just a stereo type
It's great. Really pulls the room together.
Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job.
Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit."
Guy replies "Why the rabbit?"
Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"
He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.
An ambulance you racist.
Every week at our meetings there's always tons of black people hanging around.
Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
black people would rob me
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine
A nurse comes in and says, "Gentlemen, I'm sorry, but there's been a mixup with the babies. Could you please help sort it out?"
She takes them to the nursery and shows two white babies and one black baby. The Englishman picks up the black baby and starts walking off. The Nigerian says, "What the hell are you doing?"
The Englishman replies, "I'm sorry, but one of the other two babies is French, and I can't take that chance."
.
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine.
The black man immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.
He says to the white, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing." The white man says to the black man, "That's typical of you black people. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."
He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."
Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The white man swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then the white man swallows that one and asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.
The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "So what did you do with the pastries?"
The white man replies, "Look in the black mans back pocket....."
Oh the irony.
Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."
The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."
Is kick a Black man out of his house.
I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."
Now it doesn't work.
Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
Now the whole system is corrupt.
Orange will be the new Black.
That way I wouldn't have to deal with all the dad jokes
That means the entire country went black and successfully went back.
Because black men always get a longer sentence
A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.
Not having to listen to awful dad jokes.
The police told us to stay inside until they shot him
But I guess I'll take a shot at it.
My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library I said wtf man it's 2015 you can use whatever printer you want
Or just mine ?
A girl says to her friend "The last time I had sex was like the 100 meter dash"
Her friend says "What, over in 6 seconds?"
"No, with 8 black men and a gun."
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine
The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery.
They can finally legally own a black person again.
Nothing, they just waved.
(Sorry)
With a look over your shoulder.
... and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, 'There's no charge.'
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the mortician says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
Some black mother Fucker would rob me.
"Jake, you can't call yourself Black just because you went to jail once. That is racist"
I'm not sure about this NFL draft thing.
"Mom, I have the biggest dick in the third grade, is it because i'm black?"
"No." She replies. "It's because you're 19."
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black? The dad replies, Why do you want to know, son? Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!
The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"
The police told us to stay in our houses until they'd shot him
None. "He fell".
The government reveals their new logo today, on a black background sit a magnificent image of a condom.
I guess it makes sense, seeings as how a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while being screwed.
I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?"
"No," she said,
"Eight black men and a gun."
and charged with impersonating an officer
is because I don't like meeting dads.
A threesome
their wives all gave birth to healthy babies around the same time and are now resting. The three men are sitting in a room nearby when a nurse comes in and tells them there has been a mix-up, a nurse forgot to put identifying bracelets on the babies before taking them for a medical exam and now they don't know which baby is which.
She asks them if they could help identify their babies and the Jew goes first. One minute later, he steps out of the nursery holding a black baby, the Black man gets up and says ''Hey man, I'm pretty sure that one's mine'' to which the Jew replies ''One of those babies is a Trump, and I'm not taking any chances!''
The police.
An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
A Swallow.
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles
in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"
Cause he is our father, and he never came back.
It started right up, they said I just need to replace the battery.
A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs
A boy asks his dad "Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs,when their thumbs are not green?"
The dad replies,"It's just a saying son,It's like when somebody is caught stealing,they say they have been caught 'red handed',even though their hands is black."
Bill and his wife Julie were going through financial crisis. Bill suggested Julie to become a hooker.
Julie was not sure how to start that, so Bill said, "Stand near that pillar and pick up a guy. Tell him your rate is $200. If you got any question, I'll be parked around the corner".
Within couple of minutes a black guy pulls up and asked, "How much?"
"$200"
"Shigh, I have only $120"
"Hold on"... wife runs back to Bill.
"What can he get in $120".
"A handjob" Bill said.
Wife runs back and tells the guys he will get a handjob in $120. Black guy agrees. She gets in the car, he unzips his pants and here is the biggest schlong ever.
She stares it for a minute and says, "Hold on, I will be right back".
She runs back to her husband and says, "Bill can you please lend him $80"
Johnny :- Our house is very small. Me, my mum and my dad sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Johnny, are you asleep?'
I say No & he slaps my face & gives me a Black eye
Teacher:- Tonight, when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet & don't answer.
The following morning Johnny comes back with a severe black eye again.
Teacher:- My goodness why the black eye again?
Johnny:- Dad asked me if I was asleep. I shut up & kept dead still.
Then my mum and dad started moving at the same time.
Mum was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically &
squealing like a hyena on the bed.
Then my dad asked my mum, "Are you coming?"
Mum said, "Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?"
Dad answered:- Yes.
Well, they don't usually go anywhere without me so I said, "wait for me, I'm coming too".
I'd still be broke. Because I am black and can't read.
A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Sure do." the dog replies.
"So, what's your story?" The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running."
"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals."
"Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Cause he's a liar. He didn't do any of that shit!"
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine
It's like a load of black people have suddenly gotten laptops or something.
the line at KFC
..and they locked the door when i came near, I felt like a bad ass
then i realised that it was my car
In an explosion.
the same way you would a white person.... you racist.
I started dating a black girl recently, so I decided to bring her home to meet the family.
The kids wouldn't talk to her and my wife told me to pack my bags and leave.
"Why do gardeners say that they have green thumbs when their thumbs aren't actually green?"
The dad replied, "It's just a saying son. It's like when someone is caught stealing, you say that they've been caught 'red-handed' even though their hands are actually black."
-1
"I'm proud to be a black man!" said the black man.
"I'm proud to be an Asian man!" said the Asian man.
"I'm proud to be a white man!" said the racist.
His dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught red-handed', even though their hands are actually black."
I got charged with impersonating a Police Officer.
Now it just doesn't work.
Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.
Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence".
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."
Two weeks later the women comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished and he didn't touch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
**
None. They'll just shoot the room for being black
I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.
There were 8 black guys and a gun
Little Jimmy is in the car with his mother and shes driving down the highway.
A truck in front of them contains adult sex toys.
All of a sudden a large black dildo falls off the truck and hits the windscreen of the car.
"What was that mummy" says Jimmy,
"Oh... it was a fly" replies the mother, slightly embarrased,
"Jesus!" says Jimmy, "Did you see the size of the cock on him!"
Because orange is the new black.
At the end of a night out on the town, a girl takes a black guy back to her house.
They're kissing and moving towards her bedroom when she looks at him with the most flirtatious eyes she can muster and says: "Is it true what they say about black guys? ;)"
To which the man responded "Of course it is baby.", stabbed her, stole her wallet and left.
I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIL in its centre.
Now,the Yorkshire police, the National Security Bureau, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in Europe are all watching my house 24x7x365.
My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all.
I've never felt safer.
His Mom replies, Son, the way I remember that party, you're lucky you don't fucking bark.
The autistic man orders a shot, but the black man gets it instead
A Jew, an Irishman, and a black man are in a maternity ward waiting room. The nurse walks in and explains that there's been a terrible mix up with the babies, and that the fathers are going to have to figure out amongst themselves which baby belongs to whom. The Irishman springs up out of his chair and volunteers to go first.
A few minutes later the Irishman returns holding a newborn black-skinned baby in his arms.
The black man shouts in anger "Now, I KNOW that baby is MINE!" to which the Irishman replies: "One of those babies is Jewish, and I'm not taking any chances!"
"Need help finding a size?" = Please stop fucking up my display
"I can put that back for you" = you're going to fuck up my display
"Let me hold your items for you" = So you dont leave this somewhere and fuck up a display
He got shot down
The bystander with the camera.
...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.
P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.
One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word "penis" in tiny letters. She turned around and scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class .
The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word "penis" again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning for about a week she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, and each day the word was larger than the day before.
Finally, one day she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets ! "
There was a competition going on in Spain to see who the worlds greatest swordsman was. The final three competitors had been chosen and were brought on stage in front of the anticipating crowd to showcase their talent. The first swordsman stepped forward causing the crowd to hush. One of the judges proceeded to release a small black fly and let it buzz around the stage. With the flick of his wrist and faster than you can blink the fly hit the ground in two pieces. The audience bursts into applause as the swordsman steps back. Next is the second swordsmans turn and he faces the same challenge. The fly is is released and in two swift motions he cuts the fly into four pieces. The audience is even more impressed and gives the man a standing ovation. Finally the third swordsman takes the spotlight and another fly is released onto the stage. The swordsman takes one quick swish at the fly but it continues to fly around the stage. The audience is dumbstruck. Finally someone from the audience speaks up:
"sir... The fly is still alive."
"Ah, si" replies the swordsman "but he will never be a father"
The right way to say it is "Tyrone, please paint the wall"
A blonde walks into a porno shop and asks, "How much for the white dildo?"
Salesman answers, "$35."
Blonde: "How much for the black one?"
Salesman: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
Blonde: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes.
A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?"
Salesman: "$35."
Black Woman: "How much for the white one?"
Salesman: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
Black Woman: "Hmmm... I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..." She pays him, and off she goes.
About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?"
Salesman: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
Blonde: "Hmmmmm..., how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
Salesman: "Well, that's a very special dildo... it'll cost you $165."
Blonde: She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before," She pays him, and off she goes.
Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?"
To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165."
I said "Shit man, it's 2015 you can use whatever printer you want!"
Two. One to beat the room for being black and one to arrest the bulb for being broke.
The mom replies, "Listen, the way I remember that party you're lucky you don't bark."
A couple have 13 children, 12 of them are blonde and have blue eyes, 1 has black hair and brown eyes, his name is Peter. One day the wife of the couple is dying of illness, her husband is sitting on her bed. The husband says "Our Peter is different from the other kids, does he have a different father?" His wife says yes. And, the man says, "Then, who is his dad?" Upon which his wife says, "You".
Two men were talking one day and one mentioned he was visiting Russia.
The friend tells him that it's politically rough over there and that they check letters leaving the country for dissenters. So, he instructs the man to use a code- write in black ink if everything is fine and red ink if things are bad.
The man goes to Russia. A couple weeks later the friend gets a letter in black ink. It says all sorts of positive things about Russia- how rich it is and how nice the people are to him. "My only complaint," he writes, "is that they don't have red pens."
A young Swedish woman, **an** old Dutch woman, an Englishman, and an Irishman are riding **on** a train.
The train goes through a tunnel, it becomes pitch black in the car, and then a loud SMACK is heard.
The train emerges from the tunnel and the Englishman is rubbing his cheek.
The old Dutch woman thinks: "He must have groped the young Swedish woman, and she slapped him."
The young Swedish woman thinks: "He must have tried to grope me, and accidentally got the old woman, and she slapped him."
The Englishman thinks: "The Irishman must have groped the Swedish girl, and she accidentally slapped me."
The Irishman thinks: "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can smack that English guy again."
... says "I'm looking for a job!"
The bank manager says, "Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"
The black guy says "You're joking."
The bank manager says "Well, you started it!"
But white people can say things that black people can't. Like, "Thanks for the
warning officer," and "Hi dad."
The officer says, "This is the best résumé I've ever seen! There's just one more test before you get the job. Take this gun, go out and shoot eight black guys and a cat."
Guy replies "Why the cat?"
Officer says "Great attitude, you're hired!"
Because I don't have to meet their dads
"Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.
The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."
Lady teacher rubs it off. Next day he draws a bigger one and writes: "REMEMBER THE MORE YOU RUB THE BIGGER IT GETS!
So they prayed and asked him. A booming voice from the heavens answered "I am what I am." One kid said, "Well, I guess he's white." The other said, "How can you tell?" "Well, if he was black, he would've answered, 'I is what I is.'"
When Barack Obama gives his speech, he stands behind a bulletproof glass . That shows how racist America still is.
Just because he's black, doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone
Thanks Frankie Boyle
A man is dating a woman named Wendy, and as a "romantic" gesture, he gets her name tattooed on his penis, but when he's flaccid, only the first W and final Y are visible.
One day, while he and his girlfriend are on holiday in Jamaica, he is standing at a urinal, when a black Jamaican man walks up next to him.
The man glances down and sees a W and a Y tattooed on the black man's penis.
So the man says to him, "Your girlfriend's name must be Wendy, too. I see we have the same tattoo."
The response comes, "No, I'm a tour guide. Mine says, 'Welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day.'"
Swallows.
Black guy one: "Do you think it will work?
Black guy two: "Only one way to find out."
BG1: "I only have $50"
BG2: "Well, I have $100, I'll go do it then give you my change
BG1: "Let's do it then"
BG2 goes in and fifteen minutes later comes out white as a ghost, wearing a brand new suit and carrying briefcase.
BG1: "Holy shit it actually worked! Let me get that $25"
BG2: "Fuck you, nigger. Get a job."
Because then it would be called "Solved."
A little black kid covered himself with baby powder and ran up to his mom screaming, "Mama, mama! Look, I'm white!". His mom was very upset and gave him a spanking and told him, "Go and tell your auntie what you told me!"
So he ran up to his auntie and said "Auntie, auntie! Look, I'm white!" His auntie got even angrier and belted him, and said "Go and tell your grandmother what you just told me"
So he ran up to his grandmother and said "Grandma, grandma! Look, I'm white". She got even angrier and beat him harder than both his mom and aunt combined.
After she was done, she asked him, "So what have you learned from this?"
And the kid responded, "I've only been white for about ten minutes and I already hate black people".
There were 8 black guys and a gun.
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
She doesn't want to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
Because they can't get past their masters
A pharmacist, you racist.
.. And a black Gentleman came over to me and asked where the coloured printer was. I replied "Man its 2016 you can use any printer!"
You have to say "Leeroy, please paint my fence."
A chocolate shake.
Skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees
this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and
says: 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles,
Turner Brown.'
The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down, shakes him, and brings him to.
The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?'
In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'
The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look and I figured I'd just give
you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.... I'm 7
feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles
weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.'
The little white Irishman says: 'Turner Brown'?!.... Sweet Jesus, I
thought you said, "Turn around"!
They charged me with impersonating a police officer.
But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.
By their name you fucking racist
They're both Black and Decker.
The chinese guy sits down and says "hey niger get me a jigger." The bar tender pissed says "How about you stand behind the bar and i'll walk in and see how you feel." The chinese guy agrees. So the black guy walks outside then back in and says "Hey chink i'll have a drink." The chinese guy replied "Sorry we don't serve black people here."
Because seven was black.
Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Black? Well, here are the best jokes about Black to have fun with.