black Jokes

funny black jokes and hilarious stories

INTRODUCTION

What are Black jokes? Black jokes are one of the most funny and hilarious. Here is list with the Top 606 black jokes to have fun with friends and family. Most famous jokes about black ever. Funniest black sayings and gags.

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BEST BLACK JOKES

What are the best black jokes? First are the Top 10 Black jokes of all time. They are selected among the best 606 black ever told. Below are some new and well-known jokes.

The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.'

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'

Finally, the last man was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. 'Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks' he said. 'I had to strangle that bitch to death'.

black humor -

A ship goes out to sea and crashes.
6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island.
Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived.
So they come to this agreement.
All of the men will marry the one woman for a week.
So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on.
Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it.

This goes on for five years and everyone is happy.
Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man every week.

Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies.
The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful.
It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.

black humor - death - desert island - marriage - sex -

Q: Whats the difference between a box full of dead babies and a cadillac?
A: I don't have a cadillac in my garage.

black humor -

People can be so easy to read.
Like if their face is red, they're embarrassed.
Or if their skin is brown, they're about to commit a crime.

black people - racist -

How do you stop 5 black guys from raping a white girl? Throw them a basketball.

racist -

Late in the night he regained consciousness.
He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.
He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident.
She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"

That, my friends, is a positive attitude!

black humor - hospital - nurse -

Q: What's the difference between a toilet and a Kardashian?
A: Nothing! They both accept big brown stinky turds!

black people - racist -

Q: What do men and garbage bags have in common?
A: Black are bigger than white.

black people - dirty - insulting - racist - white people -

In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine.
Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges.
As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.

black humor - death - ethnic - military - war -

Why don't you throw a rock at a black kid on a bike? You might hit your bike.

hate - kids - racist - sarcastic -
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FUNNY BLACK JOKES

What are the funniest black jokes of all time? Laugh with some of the best black funny lines ever said. Here are the rest of all 606 jokes that are about black.

How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end.
"Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news."
The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?"
"The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life."
"Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?"
The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill.
He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!”
“Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?”
“Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully.
The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”

So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob.
"Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work."
"Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday."
So I call him on his cell.
"What gives, bro,?" I ask.
"Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes."
I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer."
"Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."

What do you call a black with no arms? Trustworthy.

What happens to black people after they die?
Nigger Mortis.

What do you call black people going to prison? A family reunion.

I don't like black jokes because I have one in my family tree. He's still hanging there.

Yo mama is so black, she died on the sun.

The black guy I was walking behind stopped, turned and asked "Are you following me?"
"No", I said "You've got evolution all mixed up."

Black humour is like a pair of legs.
Not everyone has it.

What did the cannibal say when he was full?
I couldn't eat another mortal.

Why are little girls better than little boys?
Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit ..."

Why don't blacks like Tylenol? They have to pick cotton to get to them.

A guy wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor for a check up.
He did the tests and waited.
After a while, the doctor came in with the results.
"Unfortunately, I have very bad news! You’re seriously ill! You have really not much time to live.."
"Doctor..! How much time do I have..?"
"Ten..."
"Ten what? Months? Years? What?!"
"Nine...Eight...Seven..."

You are so black when I clicked on your profile pic I thought my phone died.

Friend: your racist me: i'm not racist because racisms a crime and crime is for black people.

Q: What do you call black people in a swimming pool?
A: Coco puffs.
Q: What do u call mexicans in the swimming pool?
A: Reeces puffs reeces puffs!

What does NAACP stand for? National Association of Apes Called People.

What is the similarities between a black girl, and a tornado?
They both suck, blow, and leave you homeless!

How many cops does it take to throw a black man down a flight of stairs? None. He Fell.

An Arabic kid joined my football team.
All he did was blow the plays.

Yo Mama So Black When I Shot Her, The Bullet Came Back And Asked For Flashlight.

Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.

Have you ever seen a black person on the Jetsons?
NO. Looks like a good future doesn’t it?

I asked a black kid what his favorite method of expressing an exponent is. He said he didn't like black radicals, but liked black power.

Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."

Came out the gym the other day and cop asked me how I got that body.
I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the trunk and there she was"

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
"Since Valentine's Day is a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden?" her father asks in shock.
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him."

Why are aspirins white? Because they work.

Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men?
A. He thought it was a home delivery service.

what do black people and bicycles have in common?
They only work with a chain on.

Why dont blacks celibrate thanksgiving? KFC isnt open on holidays.

When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.

Q: What did the cannibal do once he dumped his lady friend?
A: He wiped his bottom.

"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home."
"That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just beat the room for being black.

Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...

Why don't black people have dreams? Look what happened to the last one who did.

Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!

Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working?
A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

Why are black peoples eyes red after sex?
Pepper spray.

Want to hear a clean joke?
The boy took a bath with bubbles.
Want to hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles was a man.

Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A: He didn't have any arms.

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"
To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."

Q: Where did OP go in the explosion?
A: Everywhere.

I'm no racist I have four black tires and color tv.

Two bums are sitting talking.
The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever!
This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground.
So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever."
The second bum just laughs,
"That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks.
You know what I did?
I fucked her all day long."
The other bum interrupts, "Bull!
You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life."
The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?"
The other replies no.
"How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?"
To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"

Why do blacks smell? So blind people can hate them too.

Why are blacks afraid of lawn mowers?
Because it goes run nigger nigger run.

A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks.
He untied her and they had sex.
Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in.
Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."

What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea? A good start.

AT WORK, Michael: Why you white guys always so happy?
Casey: Because I make love to my wife every morning before work.
Michael: Say whaaat? You get her to make love EVERY morning? How do you do that?
Casey: It's easy, I just say a poem, women love poems and will fall for them all the time.
Michael: Ok, what kind of poem can you say to make her make love every morning?
Casey: I say, "blonde hair, blonde hair, eyes of blue, I love to wake up and make love to you.
Michael: HAHAAA she falls for that?
Casey: yes you should try it.
NEXT DAY TYRONE COMES IN WITH BLACK EYE FAT LIP AND A TOOTH MISSING.
Casey: What happened to you?
Michael: Well, I said a poem to my wife and she didn't like it.
Casey: She didn't like it? What did you say?
Michael: Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog, if I could roll your fat ass over I would do you like a dog.

Q: Why are white people called crackers.
A: Because they use to crack that whip on those niggers.

What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear?
He had his first taste of Christianity!

Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
A. They both live off dead Beatles.

Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.

Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”.
Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.

Q: What's the difference between morbid and black humour?
A: Well, black humour is like 10 children in one rubbish bin, whereas morbid humour is like one child in 10 rubbish bins.

I think the most exciting thing about being an adult is never knowing what part of your body is going to hurt the next day

Q: What happens when a black girl gets pregnant?
A: Her nigga runs away.

Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him:
"Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?"
Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."

How can you tell if you have acne?
If the blind can read your face.

I used to think all black people had boomboxes. Then I realized that was just a stereo type.

What's the difference between a white naked woman and a black naked woman?
The white girl is seen in Playboy and the black chick is seen on National Geographic.

I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight.
It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.

Why wasnt there any blacks in the flintstones? Because they were still monkeys.

What do you call a black guy in a suit?...
Guilty.

Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?
"Ask your sister"
"I don't have a..."

Basketball is the perfect game for a black person.
All you do is run, shoot and steal.

Q: Why do more niggers get hit by cars in the winter?
A: They're easier to spot.

What do u call 2 black people in a red blanket? A Kit-Kat

"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"

A Mexican, white guy, and a black guy all go to hell and the devil told them that if they can walk across his hand without burning in flames, then he will give them a second life on earth.
The white guy was really confident...first step, he caught a fire a disappeared.
The Mexican, nervously toke the first step and noticed that he wasn't dead, he took a couple more steps and disappeared.
The black guy started walking and made it all the way across without burning to flames.
Satan was shocked and asked him how he did it and the black guy replied "chocolate melts in your mouth not your hands"

Q: What's the difference between a black guy and a white guy?
A: A white guy can say "Hey Dad" and "Good morning officer".

Did you hear the NFL is changing the color off the football to green?
Yeah, you ever hear of a black person droping a watermelon?

Q: Two men are in a car. One of them is a Mexican while the other is black. Who is driving the car?
A: The cops.

I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors.
I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.

Whats the difference between a jew camp and a summer camp?
The kids come back.

Q: How many niggers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There are no light bulbs in Africa.

Black man found a bottle in the desert, opened it and the genie flew out: "Ask for what you want - I'll fulfill three of your wishes!"
"I want to be white, often see nude woman, and that I will always be full of water!"
Genie waved his hand and turned the black man to a water closet...

A white boy and a black boy were arguing one day.
The white boy screams "God is white!"
The black boy screams "God is black!"
This goes on and on for about an hour when all of a sudden there comes a loud crack of lightning and the heavens open up and a booming voice says "I am what I am."
The white boy jumps up and says "See, I told you so!"
To which the black boy says "How does that prove God's white?"
The white boy replies "Because if God were black he would have said, "I is what I is."

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car.
It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.

Hitler is daddy!
Hump me!
Fuck me!
Daddy better gas them Jews.
My gas chambers love the smoke.
G-g-gas the Jews.

A blonde hops on and off a curb on a busy street, saying 54 over and over.
A brunette walks by and asks what the blonde is doing.
The blonde replies that she is jumping on and off the curb saying 54 over and over.
The brunette joins her.
Soon, the brunette gets hit by a passing car.
The blonde watches as the car drives away.
The blond then continues to jump on and off the curb, saying 55 over and over.

What does it mean when you see a bunch of blacks running in one direction? Jail break.

How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?
He became a vegetarian.

What has more brains than a dead baby?
The wall behind it.

If the world population was made into a sweater, where would the black people be put?
In the hood!

Why do black people drive on the left side of the road? Because they don't have any rights.

Why did Hitler go to the eye doctor?
Because he can Nazi.

Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention?
A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.

What is the world's biggest oxymoron. Black People.

How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred?
On the fingers!

Q: Whats worse then a barrel of dead babies?
A: There is one at the bottom that is still alive.

Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He has to eat his way out.

Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He goes back for more.

Q: Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs?
A: An invalid.

How did the black guy escape from jail?
He unscrewed the light bulbs.

W: Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
A: Everywhere.

What's faster then a black kid running down the street with your tv? His brother with your Xbox.

Chuck Norris occasionally smokes large cigars.
The last one was called the Hindenburg.

There was a tornado in my area the other day.
The sky was so black; it took my bike.

Guy having sex says "damn bitch, there should be a law against sex this good."
To which the girl replies "I think there is daddy..."

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

What do you do if you see your TV floating?
Say " DROP IT NIGGA".
What do you do if you see you refridgerator floating?
Run because that is one hell of a big black guy!

Q: How many Ethiopians can you fit into a telephone booth?
A: All of them.

Q: Why do German shower heads have 11 holes?
A: Jews have 10 fingers.

Q: How many white people does it take to clean a toilet?
A: None, that's a nigger's job.

Why are the palms of black people white? Because there's a little bit of good in everybody.

What do you call a black guy with Parkinson's? A chocolate shake.

Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles?
A: Because his wife died.

On the day of my big job interview I woke up late.
Frantically I threw on a suit.
"OH NO!" I thought. "MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn't there to help me, and for the life of me, I did not know how to tie a tie!"
I grabbed a tie and ran out the door.
"Excuse me sir," I said to the crossing guard, "I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!"
"Sure," said the guard, "just lie down on this bench."
Well if someone was going to help me I wasn't going to ask any questions.
After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down.
"Well in my previous job I learned how to tie ties on other people when they were lying down." he replied.
"What was your previous job?" I asked incredulously.
"I ran a morgue." was the reply.

Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff.
The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors.
Bad News: There were three empty seats.

What's the difference between a black dude and a park bench. A park bench can support a family of four.

A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home?
1st kid says, "A computer."
Teacher replies "That'd be very useful"
2nd kid says "A new lawn mower."
Teacher replies with a similar response...
Little Johnny pops up and says, "At my house we don"t need anything."
The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something...
Little Johnny replies, "Nope, i'm sure of it. Whenever my sister started going out with a NIGGER, i remember my dad saying, "Well, thats the last f*cking thing we need."

Q: What do you get when you cross a black person with a white person?
A: Bestiality.

What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
Their last big hit was The Wall.

Q: What do you call a bunch of black people together...
A: A pack of Gorillas.

Black people are like carpets. When they get dirty, just chain them to the back of your truck and drive.

Why don't black people pay rent?
Because jail is free.

What's the good part of there being no blacks on the Jetsons?
It means the future will be great!

Q: What do you buy at a black guys garage sale?
A: Your shit back.

Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."

I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon.
I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?

Yo mamma so black when she gets in the car the oil light turns on.

Knock Knock
Whose there?
9/11
9/11 who?
I thought you said you would never forget.

The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.

Q: What is height of Suicide?
A: A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.

Your Mama's so black, when the cops were shooting at her, the bullets went back for flashlights.

A single car crash kills a Mexican family.
15 people died.

Why do blacks people take a knee? Because standing upright is more difficult for them.

Q: How do you get a black girl pregnant?
A: Cum on a rock and let the flies do the rest.

Q: Do you really want to know why white people are Prejudice, and racist towards black folks?
A: Simply because when they go tan their skin at the beach it burn like bleach.

Q: What's the difference between a working white man and a working black man?
A: The White man is working legally.

Why are blacks good at hide and seek in the dark? Because they blend in.

What's the difference between black people and snow tires? Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them.

There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.

Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...

Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't.
The guilt was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "Dave... Daaaave... you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!"

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.
Too bad he has never cried.

What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation.
They are all asked, "When you’re in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I’d like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I’d like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I’d like to hear them say…… look at him, he's moving!"

Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads?
Because they're headcases.

What do you call a short black person? By their name, you racist.

Did you hear about the black guy that died on the highway?
He stuck his head out the window and his lips beat him to death.

Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas?
A: My bike.

Why do blacks wear white gloves? So they don't bite their fingers eating tootsie rolls.

What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it?
The AIDS team.

At the doctors office:
Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…"
Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…"
Doc: "Do you eat fried food?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it"
Doc: "Do you eat fat food?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc"
Doc: "Do you stay up late?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok"
Doc: "Do you have sex often?"
Man: "Yes!
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too"
Doc: "Do you smoke?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will"
Doc: "Do you drink?"
Man: "Yes..."
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?"
Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"

These two guys are riding in a convertible down a road in the desert, the road runs alongside a railroad as they are driving, as they are driving a train goes past, on the train a guy is on the train, clutching his stomach and grunting, his buddy leans over, and asks him,
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
The guy replies, "I gotta shit real bad, and I can't reach the bathroom in time!"
His buddy tells him "Hang your ass out the window, and let it fly."
The guy hangs his ass out the window and the shi t flies back and hits the convertible.
The guys in the convertible say "Damn, that guy on the train spit tobacco on us!"
The guy asks his friend "Hey, pull over when the train stops and we'll find this guy and kick his ass".
After he finishes talking the guy driving the car slows down.
His friend says "Why are you slowing down, don't you wanna beat this guy up."
His friend says "No!"
The other guy says "Why".
His friend says, "Number one, that is some of the stinkiest tobacco I've ever smelled, and number two, did you see the jaws on that son of a bitch!"

Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history?
Hitler.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
I'm Mr, Farter.
Mr, Farter who?
I've brought some insecticides to give to your mother in law!

This old man and woman were on a cruise and it was really stormy.
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find her so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat it read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her very most private part was an oyster and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000 ...please advise."
So the old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap..."

"I want a divorce"!
"But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part."
"I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."

Why are black people so good at Basketball?
Cause all you have to do is RUN, SHOOT and STEAL.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...

Yo Mama is so black, when she leans up against a white wall she looks like an alley.

When does a black guy type the fastest... When he trying to guess the Alarm code.

Why do Africans wear lip plates? So they have something to play hoops with when they take it out.

What do you call a school bus full of black people?
A rotten banana.

What do you call a white person running down a hill? An avalanche.
What do you call a mexican running down the hill? A mudslide.
What do you call a black person running down the hill? Prison break.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Q: What's faster than the speed of light?
A: A jew passing Germany.

Q: What do you call a barn of black people?
A: Out of date farming tools.

What's the difference between Batman and a Black man?
Batman can go to the store without robin.

What color is a Nigger after you run him over with the truck? Flat black.

Why do blacks raise chickens? To teach their kids how to walk.

Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car?
A: Three in the back, two in the front and the rest in the ashtray.

Q: What is the worst thing about a vegetable?
A: Spitting them back up in a wheelchair.

A Chinese couple had a black baby and named it sum ting Wong.

Q: What do you call a bunch of black people running up a hill?
A: Backed up sewage.

Q: How do you kill an emo?
A: You don't you let depression do the work.

So a little kid and a child molester start walking into a forest.
They keep walking for what seems like hours, and it gets darker and darker and darker, and the forest gets deeper and deeper and deeper.
The kid turns to the child molester and he says "Gee mister, it sure is scary out here!"
The child molester says "How do you think I feel, kid? I'm gonna have to walk out of this forest by myself!"

What would it take to reunite the Beatles?
Two more bullets.

What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float? You turn on the lights and shoot the black guy stealing it.

Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet?
A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

Q: Why did the black person fill uncomfortable?
A: Because he was surrounded by crackers.

How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?
His hand slipped.

Q: Why is it that a white man is hanging on to a car driving 200 km per hour?
A: Because a black man is driving it!

how do you keep a black person out of your backyard?
Hang one in the front.

Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter?
It sure gave them something to chew over.

Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide?
He got himself into a real stew.

Why did Martin Luther King Jr. boycott laundry detergent? Because it told him to keep his whites and colors separate.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy "Hey mister its getting dark out and I'm scared."
Man "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."

I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, "Thank you. Please come again."

A white man walking down a beach kicks up a lamp, with hope he rubs the lamp.
Sure enough a genie pops out, and says, "I will grant you 3 wishes but be warned every black person in the world will get double what you wish."
After a thought he says he's got it.
"My first wish is i want a million dollars."
Genie "your wish has been granted and every black person now has 2 million dollars."
Man "Ok my second wish i want 10 thousand acres Genie.."
Granted but every black person in the world now has 20 thousand acres.
"And now you have but one wish."
"The man replies with my final wish... i wish you to beat me half to death."

Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
He did okay until his business fell off.

Why does Beyoncé sing 'to the left, to the left'? Cause black people don't got any rights

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children.
You put groceries in the other.

How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.

What do you call a black baby pig? A niglett.

An apple and a black person both fall off a tree at the exact same time who hits the ground first?
The apple because the rope catches the black person.

Today was a terrible day.
My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Q: What do you call a cremated black person?
A: 100% cocoa powder.

What do you call one black on the moon? Problem. What do you call ten blacks on the moon? Problems. What do you call the entire black population on the moon? Problem solved.

A Mexican and a nigger are riding in car.
Who's driving?
A cop!

How do you keep black people out of your back yard? Hang one in the front!

A guy walks in the local whorehouse, says "I want the cheapest one you got, I don't have much money."
The guy behind the counter says "How bout the $1.95 cent special?"
The customer says "ok", and he paid, headed to the room.
When he opened the door, he found this beautiful broad spread out, just waiting for him.
He rips off his clothes and starts going to town on her.
Suddenly, all this white stuff starts coming out of her mouth, nose, ears.
He freaked, "omg she's sick."
He ran to the desk and told the guy what was happe ning, and the guy says "hey Joe! The dead one's full again!"

A little boy asks his Mum "why am I black and you are white ?"
"Don't even ask," she replies "when I think back to that party... you are lucky that you not bark !"

My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday.
So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.

Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?"
Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."

Q: Why are black people so afraid of ghosts?
A: Because they are haunted by dead kkk members!

Why do black people go to the Liberty Bell?
They heard there was some crack in it.

A nigger says to his doctor: "Each time I have sex with a white girl my eyes hurt." "Yes, you are probably allergic to pepper spray."

What do you get when you cross an Asian with a black? A car thief who can't drive.

Q: What did one female terrorist say to the other?
A: "Does my bomb look big in this?"

So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!

What do you call 3 black guys sky diving?
Air pollution.

Q: What do you call a black man on the internet?
A: The dark web.

I got in trouble during high school for masturbating in the showers.
Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.

Q: What's different from a be enchanting and a black person? A: A bench can support a family.

*Wakes up to wife and son screaming*
Me: "What are you guys yelling about?"
Them: "You're driving!"

There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

Strong people don't put other people down.
They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.

What do you call a black guy that doesn't rape white women?
An inmate.

Why don't black people listen to country music? Because when they hear hoe down they think their sister has been shot.

Being a Mulato isn't very profitable, the black half wants to steel your phone, the white half wants to pay the bill.

What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool?
Throw in your laundry.

Why did the white guy go to the black guy's yard sale?
To get his stuff back.

Heres what you do:
1. Dinner
2. Kiss
3. Movie
4. Sex
5. Bring her back home
6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting

There was a black guy, white guy, and a Mexican on a ship.
The ship was sinking so the black guy said, "quick throw off anything we don't need."
The Mexican threw off tacos, the black guy thre off fried chicken and the white guy threw off the black guy and the Mexican.

How do you hide a nigger in a coal shed?
Kick his teeth in.

Why do niggers carry shit in their wallet?
Identification.

Son asking father. Why are niggers so black daddy? Well son, whip this one while I think about it.

Q: Where do one-legged people eat?
A: IHOP.

How did they improve the transportation in Harlem? Moved the trees closer together.

There's some soldiers in Vietnam.
And they've been pinned down in their trench for days.
Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back."
So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle.
But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal.
So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench.
So obviously they're pretty confused.
They ask "what the hell took you so long man?"
The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sex right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great."
One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?"
He replies "There was no head."

What do you get when you mix a nigger and an octopus?
I don't know, but it picks the hell out of cotton

Q: What do you call an African American documentary?
A: Planet of the Apes.

I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying "Fireworks".
How right they were.

A Mexican and a nigger jump of the Empire State Building,who hits the ground first? The Mexican, because the nigger stopped and wrote "Mother Fucker" on the way down.

Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a nigger?
A: A Doberman.

What do u call 1,000 black people on a plane back to Africa? A good start.

Jared: "Why are black people so good at basketball?"
Henry: "I don't know, why?"
Jared: "Because they're good at jumping, shooting, stealing, and running."

"Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place?"
"He was sacked for making a grave mistake."

What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A cherry float.

Q: How come so black people died during the war?
A: Because when the captain yelled "Get down" they all got up and danced.

Q: Hey, what's the jew doing in the ashtray?
A: Family research.

Q: Whats the difference between a black person and an apple?
A: The apple falls from the tree.

Yesterday, I failed my biology exam.
The question was: "Name something commonly found in cells."
Apparently, Niggers wasn't the right answer.

Q: What do you call a bunch of dead black people in a barn? A: Out dated farming equipment.

I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.

Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.

A Jew, a German and an American walked into a small room. The Jew never came out.

What do u call a black priest?
Holy shit.

I was gonna write a black joke but you wouldn't see it.

Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.

Whats orange and looks good on a black guy? Fire.

A Mexican and a black person jump off a bridge, who wins?
Society.

How do you suffocate a nigger?
Tell him there's weed inside the pillowcase.

Why was the police dog licking his own asshole? To get the taste of nigger out of his mouth.

Where do you put a black Jew? In the back of the oven.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: They don't know where home is.

What is the difference between a black and a bucket of shit? The bucket.

My friend's father died last night so I asked him "What was the cause of his father's death?"
He said, "A bus passed over his finger!"
I laughed and told him: "It is not a suitable cause."
My friend said: "When the bus crashed, his finger was on his nose!"

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me a racist, I'd have enough money for a black guy to rob me and a jew to pick up the coins he drops as he runs away.

How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black? Ever try and take a rib from a black.

What's the difference between batman and a black man? Batman can go into a store without robin.

A woman gave her two sons to different families for adoption.
One goes to an Egyptian family and called Amal.
The second child goes to Spain and is called Juan.
Many years later, Juan sends his mother a photo of himself.
She turns to her sister saying that she wished that she had a photo of her other son.
The sister responded "Hey, they are identical twins. If you have seen Juan, you have seen Amal."

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.
"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."

Why do black people call each other brothers? Because they don't know who there father's are.

Q: What do you call a 100 lack people in the ocean?
A: An oil spill

How did they invent break dancing? Trying to steal the hubcaps off a moving car.

What's the definition of black foreplay? Don't scream or I'll kill you.

Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman?
A: Too close to the gas chamber.

Anyone want to try the ALS gas bucket challenge HMU.

Why are black people & vending machines the same?
Because they both don't work & they both steal your money.

After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?"
After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor".
The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair".
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news".
The doctor replies, "He's dead".

Why are black guys eyes red after sex? From the pepper spray.

Johny went to the butchery, because he wanted to buy a little brain, so he has asked the saleswoman: "have you got a little brain?"
The saleswoman has said: "yes, we have."
Johny has asked her: "and is the little brain still fresh?"
The saleswoman has said: "yes, yesterday he has successfully solved the crossword puzzles."

A black man, a Muslim and Mexican jump off a building, who wins? Society.

Yo Momma so black when she goes swimming poeple thinks shes and oil spill.

A black guy at work asked me where the colored printer was. I replied, "It's 2018, you can use any printer you want."

Q: How do you make a dog go ‘miaow’?
A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

Olympic track makes you feel like you witnesed a crime, because you hear a gunshot and then see a bunch of black guys hauling ass.

George washington said "We would have a black president when pigs fly!" ... well, swine flu.

What travels at 200km's a hour? A black man hearing a dollar drop to the ground.

I gas the only problem I have with the wold now is all the deutchbags.

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate.
His orders were clear.
No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield.
A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.
The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"

Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force?
He said he wanted to grill his suspects.

Every night while Dave is having dinner his wife Natalie goes to the bedroom turns off the light and makes out with Daves friend Andy by the window.
After some days Dave had doubt and leaving supper he went to the dark room only to hear whispers from the other side of the window.
He pushes Natalie away goes near the window,unties his pant and put his arse facing the window.
After a minute Andy puts a kiss on his butt cheek and says "Natalie, haven't u brushed ur teeth today?"

Your mama is so black you can only see her eyes and teeth at night.

What do you do if you see a black man flopping around on the ground?
Stop laughing and reload.

Whats black and brown and looks good on a black guy? A Rottweiler.

One of my friends returned from Afghanistan and I asked him if he is going to the party tomorrow.
He said he can't walk.

Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.
"I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks."
"But I could be dead by then!"
"No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."

What do u call a white man between 2 black men... An Oreo.

How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give him a helping hand.

How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic?
He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.

My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick.
No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.

Why are black peoples nostrils so big? Because that's what God held them by when he was painting them.

How do you start a black parade? Roll a 40 down the street.

Q: Why did the cannibal tax auditor get disciplined?
A: For buttering up her clients.

What do apples and black people have in common? They both look good hanging from a tree.

Did you hear about Ku Klux Knievel? He tried to jump over 8 blacks with a steam roller.

Why do black people have nice shoes and nice cars but not nice houses?
Because they haven't figured out how to steal houses yet!

Q: Why are most democrats black
A: Black people are idiots.

A Mexican, a black boy, and a white boy, they are all in the first grade, which one has the biggest peter? The black boy because he's 17.

Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex?
A: Lefty.

Q: How does every black joke start?
A: With the white guy looking over his shoulder.

A Georgian man sits in the dock at the court, with his neck bended down.
The judge: "Why did you rape the girl?"
"I liked her."
"Why did you raped the boy?"
"I liked him."
"Sir, why don't you look to my eyes when you talk to me?"
"I'm afraid I'll like you…"

What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?
He ate himself.

Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then kill them.

Why are black people so good at basketball? They know how to run shoot and steal.

Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.

Some people have skeletons in their closet. I have a whole graveyard!

Black man says to siri: "Take me home"
Siri replies: "Taking you the quickest route to jail."

What do you do if you see a black person hoping in your front yard? Reload and shoot again.

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?", he asked.

I walked out of the store and saw a car full of black people lock their car doors i felt pretty badass until i realized it was my car.

Whats the difference between a nigger and a large pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.

Cannibals capture three men.
The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes.
Then they are each given a final request.
The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible.
His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family.
This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes.
Now it is the third man's turn.
He asks for a fork.
The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork.
As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"

Why is Stevey Wonder Smiling all the time? He doesn't know he's black.

What's alike with bikes and black people? They only start working when you put the chains on them.

There's 1000 black guys and 1 white guy.
What do you call the white guy?
Warden.

Chuck Norris has travelled many places and seen many faces.
So too has his boot.

John Leslie has been accused of raping a disabled black girl on Blue Peter.
He blamed it on dyslexia & said he thought the script said, use sticky black spastic.

I'm not racist, some of my best slaves are black.

What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?
Vitamin bills!

I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.

Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife?
When she spread her legs he saw bush.

Q: What do you call the ashes of a white person in a jar?
A: A jar of mayonnaise.

Why don't black people dream?
Because the last black guy that "had a dream" got shot

What would we get if we'd cross one nigger and octopus? I have no idea, but it picks cotton like crazy.

What do you say when you see your TV floating in the dark?
"Drop it nigger!"

A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office.
Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy."
When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children."
"Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman.
"That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker.
"Oh, den I uses the last names."

I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.

Why are niggers like sperm?
Only 1 in a Million actually works.

I saw a black guy running with a new blu-ray player, and it looked just like mine.
So I called my wife, but it turned out ours was still at home picking cotton.

Yo mommas so black that when she walked outside the street lights turned on.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Baked Beings.

What did the black woman name her 5 sons?
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.
How did she tell them apart? She just called them by thier last names.

Q: What do you call a black light?
A: A mixed person that shines too bright.

What u call 10 black people in the back of a truck? A good days hunting.

I have to be honest, I am English myself but some of the American jokes on this site just completely ruin it for me.
I mean, what the shit happened on the ninth of November anyway?

How do you make a black nervous? Take him to an auction.

What do you call a nun in a wheel chair?
Virgin mobile.

The only church which is disseminating light and warmth is the burning church.

Q: How do you get a Jew to win a race?
A: Drop a quarter at the finish line.

Two boiled eggs in a pan, one says "Hot in here in it", other says "You think it's hot in here, wait till you get outside they smash your head in."

What do you call two blacks on one bike?
Organized crime!

Q: What's the difference between Jesus Christ and a painting of Jesus Christ?
A: It only takes one nail to hang a painting.

Why do nigger's have nightmares?
Because the last one that had a dream got shot.

What does a black person and Batman have in common?
They both can't leave home without Robbin.

What do you call a black man with red teeth? Knight rider.

What do you call a bunch of black people in an elevator? A box of chocolate.

What do the KKK and Nike have in common?
They both make a nigga run faster.

Q: What is the point of Jewish football?
A: To get the quarter back

What's the difference between a black dad and a boomerang? A boomerang comes back.

Q: What did God say when he first made the black person?
A: Holly shit I have burned one.

A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly.
Lorraine dies suddenly.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.

What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him!

Yo' Mama is so fat, NASA used her to plug a black hole.

Why arent black people affended by thes jokes?
Because they cant read.

Q: What's the difference between a black fairy tale and a white one?
A: White one starts like "once upon a time" Black one starts like " y'all muthaf*ckas gotta here dis"

Q: Do you know what happends with a nigger if he sticks up 12 varningssigns in his ass?
A: He becomes a toblerone!

What do you call a bunch of black kids in a swimming pool? Coco puffs.

Q: Why some people are black?
A: Cause the iris diaphragm received much light.

How do you kill half of Ethiopia?
Throw a piece of bread off a cliff.
How do you kill the other half?
Tell them it still has not been eaten.

Q: How do u know a black person has been in your house?
A: Everything has gone.

Jerry was in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
“I’m OK but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered.
“What did he say?,” asked the nurse.
“OOPS!”

How long does it take a black lady to shit? About 9 months.

A black man and a Mexican were both in a car - who was driving? The police officer.

Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender?
A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.

Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
Shut up, and give me more bullets.

Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: One scoop of ice cream and Two scoops of dead baby.

Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever.
Me: What's that hunny?
Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk.
Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?

Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same.
Once you heard Juan you've heard Jamal.

The world is like a jar of jelly beans.
Everybody hates the black ones.

Apparently 98% of black people enjoy sex in the shower.
The other 2% have never been to prison.

In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people.
It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch.
Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.

Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’?
A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.

Why are police cars black and white? To match the passengers, white up front blacks in the back.

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

What do you call a black guy with a fan? Antique air conditioner.

What happened when the cannibal got a religion?
He only ate Catholics on Fridays!

Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?"
Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."

Do you remember how everyone was trying to kill Osama Bin Laden?
Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.

Two kids were talking together.
First: "My daddy is so tall that he can touch the clouds in the sky with his hands."
Second: "That is excellent. Does your daddy touch something soft and downy?"
First: "Yes, of course."
Second: "Those are my daddy's testicles."

Did you hear about Ku Klux Kineivals latest stunt?
He is going to try to jump 50 niggers with a steam roller.

Doctor to patient: "Why are you nervous?"
Patient: "Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation."
Doctor: "But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation."

My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Q: What happens when you cross a nigger with a Mexican?
A: A nigger that is to lazy to steal.

If I had a dollar every time I made a racist joke a nigger would rob me.

What's a cocoon? Same as a n-nigger.

Why do black women where high heels? So their knuckles don't drag.

What do you call 1000 Mexicans at the bottom of the sea? A good start.
What do you call 1000 black people at the bottom of the sea? An even better start.

Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals?
A: He went down really well!

Q: What's blue and doesn't fit?
A: A dead epileptic.

What did the black epileptic have written on his t-shirt?
"Help I'm not break dancing"

Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A: A pedophile.

I'm black in complexion, not dark in color.

What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea?
A good start.

Doctor: "You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is hereditary."
Patient: "Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?"

First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?"
Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."

What's the difference between a black guy and a dead guy. Neither of them go home to see their kids.

My dad was a complicated man.
He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know?
Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 3 niggers?
In trouble.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 niggers?
Coach.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by 1000 niggers?
Prison Warden.

Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.

Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall?
A: To see her crack.

Black Jokes are not funny I have a black guy in my family way up in my family tree.
He's been hanging there for quite a while.

What do you call 100 blacks buried up to their necks? Afroturf.

What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat?
Bone appetit!

One day I was walking on the streets when I saw someone running.
I stopped and asked them what happened, they said their neighbor lived in the dark and came today with black face.

Why are all angels white? Cause if they were black they'd be call bats!

What is big,black,and long? The line at KFC.

A cowboy and a retard are sitting at home bored.
The cowboy says," let's go down to the bowling alley and beat up niggers."
The retard says ," OK ".
When they arrive , the cowboy sees five black dudes bowling.
He goes over and starts beating their asses.
He stops and looks to see the retard smashing bowling balls with a sledgehammer.
He goes over and says, " hey... I thought we was gonna beat up niggers?"
The retard responds, " yeah...you get the live ones, I'll kill the eggs ."

A black guy goes up to his friend and says "I'm confused, this guy keeps calling me a ginger". His friend goes "he's just dyslexic".

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just beat the room for being black.

How has Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most niggers?
He promised to create jobs for them if elected.

What is the difference between a fridge and a kid?
A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.

What did the big black guy say, when the hot midget chick asked him for sex? "I Don't Get Down Like That"

Two cannibals were having lunch.
"Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other.
"Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."

Drugs are like guns, black people love them, but they never seem to be stealing them as to dealing.

A Serb and an Albanian from Kosovo found a lamp, rubbed it and the Ginnie showed up in front of them.
"I will grant you three wishes for setting me free out of this lamp. But, since there are two of you, one can have two wishes and the other only one".
A Serb said: "I am very modest, I'll have one wish. Let my Albanian friend have two".
"What is your first wish?", the Ginnie asked Albanian.
"I wish that there are no Serbs in Kosovo at all any more".
"Done", said the Ginnie.
" What is your second wish?"
"I wish that whole of Kosovo is surrounded with high wall, so no more Serbs can return ever again".
" Done", said the Ginnie.
"Now you", sad the Ginnie to a Serb, "What is that you wish?".
A Serb was thinking for a moment, than asked the Ginnie: "Are there realy no more Serbs in Kosovo at all?".
"That's right", said the Ginnie.
"And whole of Kosovo is surrounded with high wall?", a Serb asked again.
"It certainly is. All around. Not even a fly could enter it now", the Ginnie replied.
Then Serb said: "OK, now fill it up with water""

How did the tugboat get AIDS?
It was rear-ended by a ferry.

A: How do children in Baghdad do?
A: Bombastically.

What did the black women get for getting an abortion? Fat cash from crime stoppers.

Yo momma so black Batman came and said damn b*tch I thought I was the dark night.

What's black on the outside and white on the inside? Whitney Houston's nose! "

How does a black chick tell if she's pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.

Q: Did you hear about the new black breakfast cereal?
A: It's called "Nuttin' Bitch!"

If I were a dog would you help me bury my bone?

Father's day, the most confusing day in the ghetto.

What do you call two niggers in a sleeping bag?
Twix...

What do they do with blacks after they die? Gut them and use them as wetsuits.

Why did God create black men? So fat white girls could dance (and get laid).

What do you call a black guy selling drugs?
A pharmacist.

What happens if you upset a cannibal?
You get into hot water.

Someone just knocked on the door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans.
I said "Fuck that, with my luck I'd probably win one."

How does a black woman know when she's pregnant?
When she pulls out her tampon all the cotton is picked off.

What's the diffrence between a black guy and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.

You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

What do you call a black guy who goes to college? A Basketball player.

Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He was fed up with other people.

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead.
I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.

What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.

Knock-knock
Who is there?
A shattered penis with many diseases.
What kind of illness?
Gall, Aids, Gonorrhea, Syphilis...
Enough, it is the best present for my mother in law.

Q: How do you know your black neighbor has moved?
A: The new neighbor has car insurance.

What do you call all black abortion clinic? Crime Stoppers.

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: With a knife.

Q: Why do Americans like black candles?
A: Because it reminds them of 'the good old days'.

Q: What's the difference between a black guy and a elevator?
A: The elevator can raise a child.

What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float?
You turn on the lights and shoot the black guy stealing it.

I want me a big black girl...the type of woman that sits in the car and it looks like it's got tinted windows.

Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog.
When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"

Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you?
Answer: Shorten the chain.

A guy dies whilst making love to his wife.
A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?"
The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!"

The undertaker does as he is told.
On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"

How do you save a nigger from drowning? Shoot him.

Q: What was Hitler's favorite toy as a kid?
A: An Easy-Bake Oven.

A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?"
Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!"
Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"

What do you call 100 million black guy skydiving during the daytime?
Nightfall.

Q: Why did they invent white chocolate?
A: So all black kids could get their faces messy too.

Three guys are stranded on a island; black guy, white guy, and a Mexican.
They come across a Indian tribe, the chief said" go into the forest and pick a fruit and bring it back.
We are going to shove it up your ass, if you scream we will cut off your head".
The white guy goes in and brings back a banana they shove it up his ass he screamed soo they cut off his head.
The Mexican goes in and comes back with a grape they shove it up his ass he screams.
They all look at his and ask" why you scream?" The Mexican says" because the black guy is coming back with a watermelon.

I just ended a long-term relationship today.
I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.

Chuck Norris can't be racist, because to him there are no people, just light and dark targets.

Why is Hitler never invited to BBQ's?
He always burns the franks.

Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers?
A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.

What do you call of 6 year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.

There's a black and a Mexican in a car, who's driving?
The Cop

Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?"
Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."

"My son, this is your senior year at school so your mom and I decided that you’re going to be a doctor."
"But what are you saying dad? You know very well that I’m not in a position even to... kill a mosquito."

What do you call a barn full of dead niggers?
Out dated farm equipment.

What do you get when a black person and a samoan have kids? Sum mo niggaz.

A nun and a priest decide to take a day off, so they go golfing.
The nun gets a hole-in-one, but the priest hits it into a sand trap.
He's so angry, he shouts "God dammit, I missed!".
The nun reminds him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and the priest apologizes and tries again.
He hits it into the rough, and in his anger, shouts "God dammit, I MISSED!".
The nun once again tells him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and he apologizes again.
On his third shot, he hits it into the water and yells "GOD DAMMIT I MISSED!" and before the nun can say anything, a bolt of lightning strikes the nun, killing her instantly.
Out of nowhere, a loud voice booms "God dammit, I missed".

You know why niggers are confused with monkeys? Because half of both are kept in cages.

Q: What happened to Jesus when he said "Catch me outside, how bout dat"?
A: He got crucified

Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family.
"I just can't stand my mother-in-law," sighs one.
"That's quite understandable," nods the other one, "why don't you just have the potatoes with the gravy?"

Two cannibals were having their dinner.
One said to the other "I don't like your friend."
The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."

When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.

Only if they had more mosquito nets in Africa.
We would be able to save millions of mosquitos from dying horribly from HIV.

One step forward, 12 floors down.

The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex.
But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.

Why did God give Black guy's big dicks? He felt sorry for putting pubes on their heads.

Q: What did the little black boy say as he was sliding down a zebra?
A: Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't...

What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
None!
They both hang from trees.

Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.

Q: What do you call a flying Jew?
A: Ashes.

Q: What does a black person have that is white?
A: His owner!

An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a helicopter ride for $50.
The old man asks his wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I ride in one of them helicopters?"
His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too expensive."
The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot hears their conversation and makes them a deal.
"Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to pay $50." says the pilot.
The couple climbs in the helicopter.
The pilot takes off and does awesome tricks with the helicopter.
The couple never made a sound.
The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow, impressive, usually people make so much noise on these rides."
The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these rides are too expensive."

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital.
One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool.
David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act.
He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK.

Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died."
David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."

Q: If a white baby grows wings and goes to heaven what do you call it?
A: A Angel.
Q: If a black baby grows wings and goes to heaven what do you call it?
A: A Bat.

Q: Why are Germans bad cooks?
A: The only good one killed himself.

What is long and black? The que at KFC.

Why are niggers like sperm?
Only 1 in a Million actually works .

What is the difference between a black monopoly board and a white one.
The black on you roll any number and you go to jail.

What do you call Black people running down a hill?
Jail break.

A large cruise ship strikes an iceberg and slowly begins to sink. The captain declares he is going to need to remove some weight from the boat or it will surely sink. He says to be fair, and not discriminate, we will have to call out people in alphabetical order to jump off the ship. Everyone agrees this is the only fair way.
The captain then declares "All African Americans, jump overboard!"
A niglet tells his dad"Oh noes, dat be us". His nigger dad says "No sons, dats not be quiet"
The captain comes back and says "unfortunately, we haven't lost enough weight yet. I will have to ask all black people to jump overboard."
The niglet tells his dad again"Oh noes, dat be us". His nigger dad says "No sons, dats not be quiet"
The captain comes back and says "unfortunately, we still haven't lost enough weight yet. I will have to ask all colored people to jump overboard."
The niglet tells his dad again"Oh noes, dat be us". His nigger dad says "I said shut up son, we be niggers today!"

A guy has a bad habit:
He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives.
So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her but he can't.
Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid.
Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help.
So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch.
They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street.
He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, "Don't worry. I got him with the door!"

Q: Who were the first two black women?
A: Aunt Jemima and Mother Fucker!

Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
A: Santa comes down the chimney.

Q: Why don't blacks fuck Afghans? A: Because they are going to make you blow.

What do you call a pool filled with Black People?
Coco Puffs.

How can you tell a black person is lying? His lips are moving.

"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?"
"Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."

How long does it take a black lady to shit?
About 9 months.

Q: What's the difference between Auschwitz and Sarajevo?
A: At least they had gas in Auschwitz.

Why are black peoples eyes, teeth, palms, and bottoms of feet white? Because God had them assume the position before he spray painted them.

Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel?
A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, and they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
"Have you any grounds?"
"Yes, an acre and half and nice little home."
"No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It made of concrete."
"I don’t think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?"
"No, we have carport, and not need one."
"I mean. What are your relations like?"
"All my relations still in Poland."
"Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player."
"Does your wife beat you up?"
"No, I always up before her."
"Is your wife a nagger?"
"No, she white."
"Why do you want this divorce?"
"She going to kill me."
"What makes you think that?"
"I got proof."
"What kind of proof?"
"She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom."
"I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover.'"

What did the black girl say while having sex? Dad get off me your crushing my ciggies.

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower.
"There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I’m in the shower. Send him in."

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That’s nice and all, ma’am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds."

Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!

Q: Why did Hitler kill himself?
A: He saw his gas bill.

KFC in Asia?
Korean fried cat.

First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight."
Second cannibal: "What are you having?"
First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."

Q: How was break dancing invented?
A: Little black kids stealing hub caps off of moving cars.

What's the difference between a black and a white fairytale?
White begins, "once upon a time," black begins, "y'all motherfuckers ain't gonna believe dis shit!"

First cannibal: "I can't find anything to eat!"
Second cannibal: "But the jungle's full of people." 
First cannibal: "Yes, but they're all very unsavory."

Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink?
A: Concentrated jews.

Q: Why do white people scare black people?
A: Cause they always try kill your ass.

Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire?
Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.

"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?"
"First of all, don't give him anything to drink."

Why do orphans like playing tennis?
Because it's the only love they get.

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.
Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family’s only cow was lying dead in the field.
The situation looked hopeless to her-how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?
In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself.
When the man awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.
Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.
When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank.
She said,”I’ve seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, then I will restore your parents and the cow to you.”
The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to get it up again.
So the mermaid drowned him in the river.
Next the second oldest son woke up.
After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.
The mermaid said to him, “If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, then I will make everything right.”
And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.
The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone.
He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in.
And there he also met the mermaid. “I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row.”
The young son replied, “Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?”
The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request.
Then he said, “Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?”
And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, “Why not THIRTY times in a row?”
Finally, she said, “Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health.”
Then the young son asked, “Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won’t kill you like it did the cow?”

What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl?
Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz

A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide.
"I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that."
Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him.
The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."

My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool.
I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..."
"That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."

Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?
They hid their own eggs!

Q: What's more offensive than a truck full of dead babies?
A: Taking them out with pitchforks.

I'm making a film about emos. I really need to stop saying "cut!" at the end of each scene.

Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors?
A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.

Q: Why do old Jews have outhouses?
A: Because their afraid of the showers.

Why did the little girl fall off of her bike?
Because she didn't have any arms.

What are the 3 things you cannot give a black guy?
A fat lip, a black eye, or a job.

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day.
The first guy says to the second.
"You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."
The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.
As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.
The first guy jumps.
He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.
This time, he is bruised and bleeding.
Again, the second guy misses him.
The first guy falls again and bounces back up.
This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Allahu Akbar.
Allahu AK-
BOOM!!!

A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself.
After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman.
The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.

Q: Why are all blacks fast? A: The slow ones are in jail.

Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes?
A: The execution.

I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped.
Saved myself a fiver.

What do you call a black man in a tree? A branch manager.

What does a black person get for Christmas? Your bike.

I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today.
Unfortunately, it's only for victims.

Why can't black people play in the sandbox? Because the cats keep burying them.

What do you call a nigger with no arms, and no legs?
Trustworthy.

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart.
"Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush.
Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

Q: How do you kill 1000 Jews at once?
A: Throw a dollar off a cliff.

Q: What do you call a fat black man laying down?
A: KitKat Chunky.

Why are niggers afraid of chainsaws?
Because when you turn on a chainsaw it says "Run nigga nigga nigga Run nigga nigga nigga"

First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?"
Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."

The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace.
"For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."

Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die."
Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."

Q: Why are crippled people always picked on?
A: Because they can't stand up for themselves.

What's a word that begins with a N and ends with a R you never want to call a black person? Neighbor.

"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!"
"How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"

I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he's a compulsive liar, but I don't believe him.

Q: What does the devil do to black babies?
A: Nothing they're already burned.

What do you call a black priest? Holy Shit.

There are only two things to worry about:
Either you are well, or you are sick.
If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.
But if your sick, there are two things to worry about.
Either you will get well, or you will die.
If you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you die, there are only two things to worry about.
Either you will go to heaven or hell.
If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.

Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.

What goes: "Click-is that it?
Click-is that it?
Click-is that it?"
A blind person with a rubix cube.

Two best friends are lying on the beach and discussing:
"Last night I saw a terrible nightmare…"
"What did you see?"
"I saw my mother-in-law swimming in the sea and being chase by a shark…"
"Wow horror!"
"Horror?! You say nothing! She almost got away!"

What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The dashboard.

What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't?
Ended a race.

Why is there cotton in pill bottles? To remind black people that they were cotton pickers before drug dealers.

Why do white people always go to black people's garage sales? To get their stuff back!

How do you get a black man out of a tree? Cut the rope.

What does a nigger do after sex?
25 years to life.

Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a blender?
A: I don't know, I just like to hear them scream.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Chips.

Q: What do black people smoke?
A: Niggerettes.

One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there were problems.
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit.
This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky.
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the bottle and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door.
He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor:
- Help me, please. I have a knife in my back.
The doctor, looking his watch says:
- Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you.
Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8.
- But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now.
The doctor, angrily says:
- I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you.
You must pass here tomorrow.
- But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead.
Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back.
The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye.
- Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.

Q: If a black guy is driving a bicycle why shouldn't I hit him?
A: Because it's probably my bicycle.

What do you call a black woman thats had 5 or more abortions?
Crime fighter.

What's funnier than cancer?
Most things, really.

Why do ghetto people always name their kids things they cant afford like Diamond, Mercedes, Car Insurance?

Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor?
They were given a right roasting.

Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'?
- Because black people have no rights..

They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach.
But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

I don't understand why everyone hates black people so much.
Black people are great!
Everyone should own one!

Why don't blacks have dreams anymore?
The last one who had a dream got shot.

Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a balanced meal.

Q: Where does a black jew go?
A: The back of the oven.

Q: Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
A: Neither have they...

I'm thinking about opening a summer camp for jewish kids with adhd and dyslexia, I'm gonna call it Concentration camp.

What's brown and runny? Usain Bolt.

Q: Why did hitter kill himself?
A: Because he could not pay the gas bill.

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
A bittersweet victory.

A black person, a Asian and a Mexican jump out of a plane. Who wins? Society.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.

How can yo tell if a black has been on you're computer?
It's not there...

Q: Why are black people, pirates?
A: Because they go nigarrr.

Awwww, kids. They blow up so fast...
Get it, kids grow up so fast.

What's red and crawls up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.

Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking.
Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd.
Approaching the owner and he asks him:
"What happened here, man?"
"Pff, my mother-in-law died," he said.
"Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, how?"
"My dog bit her…"
"You don't tell me! Could you lend him to me just for tonight?"
"Get in line!"

What really separates black people from society?
Prison.

Q: Did you hear her eyes were blue?
A: Yeah, one blew this way, one blew that way...

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ABOUT

What are Black jokes about? Black is if great topic to laugh at. Some of the funniest jokes ever are about black.

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You've read some of the best black jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 606 jokes about black. Most of the jokes are suitable for kids, children or teens boys and girls. You must supervise your chidlren not to read jokes for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty black jokes to your kids.

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