Giggle-Inducing Black Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint
You have to say
Leroy, please paint that wall
"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"
"Mister President, we've been over this..."
If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole
you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation
White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do.
We do it in schools, because we have class.
If the Klu Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?
Because they don't have access to black magic.
A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was
I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".
I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday.
All Fridays matter.
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A Swallow.
How many blacks does it take to start a riot?
-1
I was in Feruson, got jumped by 5 black guys
It started right up, they said I just need to replace the battery.
Everyone keeps downvoting my racist jokes.
It's like a load of black people have suddenly gotten laptops or something.
You can explore black shades reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean black ebony dad jokes. There are also black puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass.
I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.
A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef.
The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"
What caused The Black Death?
The police.
A guy applies for a job with the L.A.P.D.
Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job.
Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit."
Guy replies "Why the rabbit?"
Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"
A black guy applied for a job at the LAPD
He got shot down
I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore.
The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery.
Old rich white men selecting strong young black men to work on their fields?
I'm not sure about this NFL draft thing.
Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market.
Oh the irony.
Pavlov's birds
An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
A girl takes a black guy home.
At the end of a night out on the town, a girl takes a black guy back to her house.
They're kissing and moving towards her bedroom when she looks at him with the most flirtatious eyes she can muster and says: "Is it true what they say about black guys? ;)"
To which the man responded "Of course it is baby.", stabbed her, stole her wallet and left.
If I got $1 every time somebody called me a racist
black people would rob me
If the next president is white....
That means the entire country went black and successfully went back.
how do you starve a black person?
the same way you would a white person.... you racist.
100m Dash
A girl says to her friend "The last time I had sex was like the 100 meter dash"
Her friend says "What, over in 6 seconds?"
"No, with 8 black men and a gun."
Someone called me racist for saying "black paint"
Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence".
Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster...
Now it just doesn't work.
"I'm proud to be a black man"
"I'm proud to be a black man!" said the black man.
"I'm proud to be an Asian man!" said the Asian man.
"I'm proud to be a white man!" said the racist.
Why do some people think Jesus was black?
Cause he is our father, and he never came back.
What do you call 5 black people having sex?
A threesome
Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?
Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
What did the black holes say when they collided?
Nothing, they just waved.
(Sorry)
I work in a library and a black guy asked me if there are any coloured printers...
I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
What is long, black and dangerous to cut into?
the line at KFC
I painted my computer black so it would run faster.
Now it doesn't work.
Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
Now the whole system is corrupt.
I don't see why racists are upset with Harriet Tubman being on the $20 bill...
They can finally legally own a black person again.
The reason why I only date black girls
is because I don't like meeting dads.
A boy asks his dad a question
A boy asks his dad "Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs,when their thumbs are not green?"
The dad replies,"It's just a saying son,It's like when somebody is caught stealing,they say they have been caught 'red handed',even though their hands is black."
A black guy and a white girl are at a party
A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs
What's big, black and loaded with aids?
A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.
The little black jewish boy...
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black? The dad replies, Why do you want to know, son? Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!
I shot a Black Man the other day
I got charged with impersonating a Police Officer.
If I had $1 for every time I read a racist comment on the internet
I'd still be broke. Because I am black and can't read.
Why did Obama get two terms?
Because black men always get a longer sentence
A black man and an autistic man walk into a bar
The autistic man orders a shot, but the black man gets it instead
A cop is confronted by a white guy with a gun and a black guy with a nerf bat. Who does he shoot first?
The bystander with the camera.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night
The police told us to stay inside until they shot him
As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people...
But I guess I'll take a shot at it.
I'm Black. So I can't be racist. But these suckers keep telling me that I am.
"Jake, you can't call yourself Black just because you went to jail once. That is racist"
Sometimes I just wish I was black.
That way I wouldn't have to deal with all the dad jokes
I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?
In an explosion.
A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...
...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.
P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.
I put a black hole in my living room.
It's great. Really pulls the room together.
I got arrested for killing a black man.
They charged me with impersonating a police officer.
How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
None. "He fell".
Only 1300's kids will get this..
The Black Plague
If I had a dollar for every racist thing I said
a black guy would probably rob me.
My last time having sex was like the 100m dash
There were 8 black guys and a gun
A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar
Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."
The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."
Why do police officers wear blue?
Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.
I don't understand why everyone thinks the KKK are racist.
Every week at our meetings there's always tons of black people hanging around.
A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100m finals
I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?"
"No," she said,
"Eight black men and a gun."
Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.
He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.
A boy says to his dad, "Why do they say gardeners have got green fingers when their fingers aren't green?"
His dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught red-handed', even though their hands are actually black."
I used to think all black people had boomboxes
then I realized that was just a stereo type
What do you call a black man that's just been hit by a bus?
An ambulance you racist.
The government reveals their new logo today....
The government reveals their new logo today, on a black background sit a magnificent image of a condom.
I guess it makes sense, seeings as how a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while being screwed.
Jane and Erica are talking in heaven
"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."
A black man walks into a restaurant..
There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."
The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."
The black man smiles, looks at the white man and says, "Sir, when I was born I was black, when I am sick I'm black, when I'm cold I'm black, when I'm angry I'm black and when I sad I'm black.
But you, sir, when you're born you're pink, when you're sick you are green, when you're cold you turn blue and when you're angry you turn red.
And you have the nerve to call me colored!"
Apparently my family is racist
I had them meet my new black girlfriend and they all started screaming at us. Especially my wife.
Two Jews are arguing before the Rabbi
J1: "Black is a color!"
J2: "NO! it is not!"
J1: "It is a color!"
J2: "Rabbi, is black a color?"
Rabbi: "Well, sure..."
J1: "See, I told you. And so is white!"
J2: "White is not a color!"
J1: "Rabbi?"
Rabbi: "Well, yes, white is a color"
J1: "See, I told you Moishe, I sold you a *color* TV"
What do you call a black man that is hammered AF that is stumbling to his car from the bar?
An Uber so he can get home safely
Two Jews, Moishe and Abram, are arguing.
Moishe: Black is a color
Abram: No it is not.
Moishe: I'm telling you, black is a color.
Abram: No, it's not.
They go to the rabbi.
Moishe: Rebbe, is black a color?
Rabbi: Yes, Moshe, black is indeed a color.
Moshe: See, Abram, I told you.
Abram: Okay, but white is not a color,
Moishe: Yes it is.
Abram: No, it is not.
Moishe: Rebbe, is white a color?
Rabbi: Yes, Moishe, white is indeed a color.
Moishe: See, I told you I sold you a color TV.
A black guy in a library asked me where the colored printers were.
I said, "Dude, it's 2021, you can use any printer you want."
Whenever my wife is upset
Whenever my Wife is upset, I let her color in my black and white tattoos.
Sometimes she just needs a shoulder to crayon..
A shout out to Jussie Smollette
On hiring black actors for what has been a traditionally white role.
BREAKING: Russia has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Black Sea, killing all 69 aboard
Whoops wrong sub
a joke we tell in Ukraine
A russian, a Ukrainian and an African American guys are sitting in the waiting room while their wives give birth.
The nurse comes out with 3 babies and says "sorry guys, they've got mixed up..let's see whose is whose".
The Ukrainian takes a black kid and runs.
They yell "hold on dude!!! That kid is obviously not yours!"
the Ukrainian replied "I don't care I dont want a russian!!!"
Roses are black , Violets are black
I'm colorblind.
I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore...
They were real nice. Car started right up, and they even helped me with directions back to the interstate.
(True joke) In 1960, after winning his olympic gold medal, Muhammad Ali went to eat at a fancy downtown resteraunt.
When the waiter came over Ali asked for a cheeseburger.
Shocked to see a black man sitting in the resteraunt, the waiter announced "We don't serve Negroes".
Ali: "Well I don't eat them either, just give me my damn cheeseburger".
A racist, an anti-semite and a black man walk into a bar
Hey Kanye!
Maybe replacement theory is correct.
Even neo-nazi's are being replaced by black people.
Woman asks her friend "How are your kids getting on now?"
"Fine!" Comes the reply. "My oldest boy grew up to be a doctor, the second grew up to be a teacher, and my daughter grew up to be a lawyer!"
"What about your youngest boy? How's he doing?
"Ah. He grew up to be a thief. He lives at home with us still."
"So you let your three decent kids fend for themselves, and kept the black sheep of the family at home? Isn't that wrong?"
"No, of course not. He keeps us supported financially. The other three are all unemployed."
(Translated from Greek, sorry if it don't make sense!)
I saw Black Panther 2 without knowing anything about it.
I had no idea Wakanda movie it was.
I was walking down the road along with my dog, looking cool in my black sunglasses when a youtuber pulled me aside.
He said,
"If you can walk round the park and back to me, I'll give you 10 bucks. The catch is that you will have to do it blindfolded"
I accepted his challenge and completed it in under 5 minutes. He was surprised and asked me how I did it so quickly. I replied,
"It was just a walk in the park for me. As a blind person, i can't even see the problem with your challenge"
I've had constipation for 3 months
Never been to the doctors in years, but took myself there as not had a number 2 in a long time.
Doc says "what have you been eating"?
I said well doc I've been eating snooker balls!!
What?? Snooker balls Charlie??
Yes doc, in the morning I have 3 reds a pink, bowl porridge and a nice cup of tea.
Lunch is a sandwich a black, 2 reds and a yellow washed down with another cup of tea.
For dinner I have a nice steak, 4 reds 2 blues 1 brown again washed down with a nice cup of tea.
Doc said "hey Charlie I know where you're going wrong, you ain't eating enough greens!!"
What's black, white and red and can't fit through a revolving door?
A nun with a javelin through her head.
Whenever my wife is upset I let her colour in my black and white tattoos.
Sometimes she needs a shoulder to crayon.
A blacksmith said to his new helper, "You see this piece of iron? When I nod my head, you hit it as hard as you can with your hammer."
Those were his last words.
