black Jokes

Son asking father. Why are niggers so black daddy? Well son, whip this one while I think about it.

Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
He did okay until his business fell off.

I walked out of the store and saw a car full of black people lock their car doors i felt pretty badass until i realized it was my car.

Why does Beyoncé sing 'to the left, to the left'? Cause black people don't got any rights

What do you call a pool filled with Black People?
Coco Puffs.

What do you call of 6 year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.

Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...

Why can't black people play in the sandbox? Because the cats keep burying them.

How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

"I want a divorce"!
"But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part."
"I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."

What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float? You turn on the lights and shoot the black guy stealing it.

Strong people don't put other people down.
They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.

Cannibals capture three men.
The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes.
Then they are each given a final request.
The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible.
His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family.
This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes.
Now it is the third man's turn.
He asks for a fork.
The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork.
As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"

Q: What do you call a flying Jew?
A: Ashes.

What do u call a white man between 2 black men... An Oreo.

Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender?
A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.

Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then kill them.

What did the black epileptic have written on his t-shirt?
"Help I'm not break dancing"

Why are black peoples nostrils so big? Because that's what God held them by when he was painting them.

Q: How many niggers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There are no light bulbs in Africa.

Why are black people & vending machines the same?
Because they both don't work & they both steal your money.

What's the difference between Batman and a Black man?
Batman can go to the store without robin.

The black guy I was walking behind stopped, turned and asked "Are you following me?"
"No", I said "You've got evolution all mixed up."

What do you call 1000 Mexicans at the bottom of the sea? A good start.
What do you call 1000 black people at the bottom of the sea? An even better start.

Q: How do u know a black person has been in your house?
A: Everything has gone.

What goes: "Click-is that it?
Click-is that it?
Click-is that it?"
A blind person with a rubix cube.

Whats orange and looks good on a black guy? Fire.

Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.

Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A: He didn't have any arms.

There was a tornado in my area the other day.
The sky was so black; it took my bike.

I gas the only problem I have with the wold now is all the deutchbags.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

What does a black person get for Christmas? Your bike.

What do you call a black woman thats had 5 or more abortions?
Crime fighter.

Why dont blacks celibrate thanksgiving? KFC isnt open on holidays.

Why are police cars black and white? To match the passengers, white up front blacks in the back.

Why don't black people pay rent?
Because jail is free.

A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?"
Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!"
Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"

Q: Where do one-legged people eat?
A: IHOP.

Q: What's the difference between a working white man and a working black man?
A: The White man is working legally.

Q: What happens when a black girl gets pregnant?
A: Her nigga runs away.

A white man walking down a beach kicks up a lamp, with hope he rubs the lamp.
Sure enough a genie pops out, and says, "I will grant you 3 wishes but be warned every black person in the world will get double what you wish."
After a thought he says he's got it.
"My first wish is i want a million dollars."
Genie "your wish has been granted and every black person now has 2 million dollars."
Man "Ok my second wish i want 10 thousand acres Genie.."
Granted but every black person in the world now has 20 thousand acres.
"And now you have but one wish."
"The man replies with my final wish... i wish you to beat me half to death."

You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

What happened when the cannibal got a religion?
He only ate Catholics on Fridays!

How does a black woman know when she's pregnant?
When she pulls out her tampon all the cotton is picked off.

Q: Why don't blacks fuck Afghans? A: Because they are going to make you blow.

Father's day, the most confusing day in the ghetto.

Q: Whats worse then a barrel of dead babies?
A: There is one at the bottom that is still alive.

Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He has to eat his way out.

Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He goes back for more.

Q: Why are crippled people always picked on?
A: Because they can't stand up for themselves.

Q: What was Hitler's favorite toy as a kid?
A: An Easy-Bake Oven.

Q: What did the little black boy say as he was sliding down a zebra?
A: Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't...

Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide?
He got himself into a real stew.

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

What do you call a black guy who goes to college? A Basketball player.

Q: How do you know your black neighbor has moved?
A: The new neighbor has car insurance.

The world is like a jar of jelly beans.
Everybody hates the black ones.

A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself.
After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman.
The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.

How long does it take a black lady to shit?
About 9 months.

How do you suffocate a nigger?
Tell him there's weed inside the pillowcase.

There are only two things to worry about:
Either you are well, or you are sick.
If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.
But if your sick, there are two things to worry about.
Either you will get well, or you will die.
If you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you die, there are only two things to worry about.
Either you will go to heaven or hell.
If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.

Q: What do you call a bunch of black people running up a hill?
A: Backed up sewage.

Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working?
A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

What do you do if you see your TV floating?
Say " DROP IT NIGGA".
What do you do if you see you refridgerator floating?
Run because that is one hell of a big black guy!

What do u call 2 black people in a red blanket? A Kit-Kat

What do you call a black guy in a suit?...
Guilty.

Q: How come so black people died during the war?
A: Because when the captain yelled "Get down" they all got up and danced.

Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: One scoop of ice cream and Two scoops of dead baby.

Q: What is the worst thing about a vegetable?
A: Spitting them back up in a wheelchair.

Q: Why do old Jews have outhouses?
A: Because their afraid of the showers.

I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying "Fireworks".
How right they were.

How can yo tell if a black has been on you're computer?
It's not there...

Doctor: "You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is hereditary."
Patient: "Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?"

The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.

Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog.
When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"

Why don't black people listen to country music? Because when they hear hoe down they think their sister has been shot.

What do you get when you cross an Asian with a black? A car thief who can't drive.

Yo momma so black Batman came and said damn b*tch I thought I was the dark night.

Why don't black people have dreams? Look what happened to the last one who did.

I have to be honest, I am English myself but some of the American jokes on this site just completely ruin it for me.
I mean, what the shit happened on the ninth of November anyway?

Whats the difference between a nigger and a large pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.

A large cruise ship strikes an iceberg and slowly begins to sink. The captain declares he is going to need to remove some weight from the boat or it will surely sink. He says to be fair, and not discriminate, we will have to call out people in alphabetical order to jump off the ship. Everyone agrees this is the only fair way.
The captain then declares "All African Americans, jump overboard!"
A niglet tells his dad"Oh noes, dat be us". His nigger dad says "No sons, dats not be quiet"
The captain comes back and says "unfortunately, we haven't lost enough weight yet. I will have to ask all black people to jump overboard."
The niglet tells his dad again"Oh noes, dat be us". His nigger dad says "No sons, dats not be quiet"
The captain comes back and says "unfortunately, we still haven't lost enough weight yet. I will have to ask all colored people to jump overboard."
The niglet tells his dad again"Oh noes, dat be us". His nigger dad says "I said shut up son, we be niggers today!"

First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?"
Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."

Heres what you do:
1. Dinner
2. Kiss
3. Movie
4. Sex
5. Bring her back home
6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting

Why are black peoples eyes, teeth, palms, and bottoms of feet white? Because God had them assume the position before he spray painted them.

How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?
He became a vegetarian.

Two best friends are lying on the beach and discussing:
"Last night I saw a terrible nightmare…"
"What did you see?"
"I saw my mother-in-law swimming in the sea and being chase by a shark…"
"Wow horror!"
"Horror?! You say nothing! She almost got away!"

Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff.
The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors.
Bad News: There were three empty seats.

Black Jokes are not funny I have a black guy in my family way up in my family tree.
He's been hanging there for quite a while.

Why are black peoples eyes red after sex?
Pepper spray.

What's red and crawls up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Q: Do you know what happends with a nigger if he sticks up 12 varningssigns in his ass?
A: He becomes a toblerone!

What would we get if we'd cross one nigger and octopus? I have no idea, but it picks cotton like crazy.

Q: What's more offensive than a truck full of dead babies?
A: Taking them out with pitchforks.

Why do blacks wear white gloves? So they don't bite their fingers eating tootsie rolls.

What does it mean when you see a bunch of blacks running in one direction? Jail break.

If I were a dog would you help me bury my bone?

Came out the gym the other day and cop asked me how I got that body.
I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the trunk and there she was"

Three guys are stranded on a island; black guy, white guy, and a Mexican.
They come across a Indian tribe, the chief said" go into the forest and pick a fruit and bring it back.
We are going to shove it up your ass, if you scream we will cut off your head".
The white guy goes in and brings back a banana they shove it up his ass he screamed soo they cut off his head.
The Mexican goes in and comes back with a grape they shove it up his ass he screams.
They all look at his and ask" why you scream?" The Mexican says" because the black guy is coming back with a watermelon.

Q: If a black guy is driving a bicycle why shouldn't I hit him?
A: Because it's probably my bicycle.