black humor Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious black humor puns

Today was a terrible day.
My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What is the difference between a fridge and a kid?
A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet?
A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
None!
They both hang from trees.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What did Hitler get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday?
A: An easy bake oven.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I got in trouble during high school for masturbating in the showers.


Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call of 6 year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car?
A: Three in the back, two in the front and the rest in the ashtray.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Where does a black jew go?
A: The back of the oven.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl?
Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz

πŸ‘πŸΌ

The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick.
No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

KFC in Asia?
Korean fried cat.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: With a knife.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Whats worse then a barrel of dead babies?
A: There is one at the bottom that is still alive.



Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He has to eat his way out.

Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He goes back for more.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Why did hitter kill himself?
A: Because he could not pay the gas bill.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car.
It wasn't serious β€” nobody saw me.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Knock Knock
Whose there?
9/11
9/11 who?
I thought you said you would never forget.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Want to hear a clean joke?
The boy took a bath with bubbles.


Want to hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles was a man.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'?
- Because black people have no rights..

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children.
You put groceries in the other.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common?
A: Both their moms are going to kill them!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall?
A: To see her crack.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I'm thinking about opening a summer camp for jewish kids with adhd and dyslexia, I'm gonna call it Concentration camp.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: How do you kill an emo?
A: You don't you let depression do the work.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?
"Ask your sister"
"I don't have a..."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: How many Ethiopians can you fit into a telephone booth?
A: All of them.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Did you hear about the black guy that died on the highway?
He stuck his head out the window and his lips beat him to death.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What do you call the ashes of a white person in a jar?
A: A jar of mayonnaise.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What do you call a flying Jew?
A: Ashes.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why do orphans like playing tennis?
Because it's the only love they get.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Why did Hitler kill himself?
A: He saw his gas bill.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: How does every black joke start?
A: With the white guy looking over his shoulder.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink?
A: Concentrated jews.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What was Hitler's favorite toy as a kid?
A: An Easy-Bake Oven.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

This could be considered the ideal world for many men:

His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.


His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy.
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What is the point of Jewish football?
A: To get the quarter back

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: They don't know where home is.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: How do you make a cat go β€˜woof’?
A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Came out the gym the other day and cop asked me how I got that body.


I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the trunk and there she was"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What happens if you upset a cannibal?
You get into hot water.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Heres what you do:
1. Dinner
2. Kiss
3. Movie
4. Sex
5. Bring her back home
6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What's the difference between Jesus Christ and a painting of Jesus Christ?
A: It only takes one nail to hang a painting.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why is Hitler never invited to BBQ's?
He always burns the franks.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Strong people don't put other people down.


They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Do you remember how everyone was trying to kill Osama Bin Laden?
Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles?
A: Because his wife died.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Old man: "Can you give me an erection?"
Faith Healer: "I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the 'dead'."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working?
A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A: A pedophile.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Whats the difference between a jew camp and a summer camp?
The kids come back.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call a nun in a wheel chair?
Virgin mobile.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I just ended a long-term relationship today.
I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history?
Hitler.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.


After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself.
After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman.
The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor for a check up.


He did the tests and waited.
After a while, the doctor came in with the results.
"Unfortunately, I have very bad news! You’re seriously ill! You have really not much time to live.."
"Doctor..! How much time do I have..?"
"Ten..."
"Ten what? Months? Years? What?!"
"Nine...Eight...Seven..."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors?
A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Don't make 9/11 jokes, my dad died at the twin towers.
The best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: How is spinach like anal sex?
A: Chances are if you're forced to have it as a child you are probably going to hate it as an adult.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A cherry float.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool?
Throw in your laundry.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How did the tugboat get AIDS?
It was rear-ended by a ferry.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My skydiving instructor would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.
One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"
Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Hitler is daddy!
Hump me!
Fuck me!
Daddy better gas them Jews.


My gas chambers love the smoke.
G-g-gas the Jews.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday?
A dead puppy!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first?
A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Black Jokes are not funny I have a black guy in my family way up in my family tree.


He's been hanging there for quite a while.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

So a little kid and a child molester start walking into a forest.


They keep walking for what seems like hours, and it gets darker and darker and darker, and the forest gets deeper and deeper and deeper.
The kid turns to the child molester and he says "Gee mister, it sure is scary out here!"
The child molester says "How do you think I feel, kid? I'm gonna have to walk out of this forest by myself!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes?
A: The execution.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: How do you make a dog go β€˜miaow’?
A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…

πŸ‘πŸΌ

"I want a divorce"!
"But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part."
"I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What's blue and doesn't fit?
A:Β A dead epileptic.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Allahu Akbar.
Allahu AK-
BOOM!!!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple?
A: The Holocaust.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why did Hitler go to the eye doctor?
Because he can Nazi.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why did the little girl fall off of her bike?
Because she didn't have any arms.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel?
A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear?
He had his first taste of Christianity!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a blender?
A: I don't know, I just like to hear them scream.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Chips.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat?
Bone appetit!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.


Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly.


Lorraine dies suddenly.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How long does it take a black lady to shit?
About 9 months.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?"
"Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him:
"

Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?"
Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped.
Saved myself a fiver.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Why do German shower heads have 11 holes?
A: Jews have 10 fingers.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home.


In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, β€œWhen did you bag him?”
The host said proudly, β€œThat was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.”
β€œWhat’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter.
β€œMy ex-wife” replied the hunter.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What goes: "Click-is that it?
Click-is that it?
Click-is that it?"
A blind person with a rubix cube.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

*Wakes up to wife and son screaming*
Me: "

What are you guys yelling about?"
Them: "You're driving!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.
Too bad he has never cried.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying "

Fireworks".
How right they were.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What's faster than the speed of light?
A: A jew passing Germany.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Chuck Norris occasionally smokes large cigars.
The last one was called the Hindenburg.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die.

"
Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
Their last big hit was The Wall.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot?
A: A baby with a razor!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What has more brains than a dead baby?
The wall behind it.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do u call a black priest?
Holy shit.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?"
"First of all, don't give him anything to drink."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man goes to the doctor and says "I need birth control for my 10 year old daughter"
The doctor replies "She's 10 years old and sexually active?"
The man says" Active? Hell no! Most of the time se just lies there and cries."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My dad was a complicated man.
He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know?
Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black β€” that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Why are Germans bad cooks?
A: The only good one killed himself.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife?
When she spread her legs he saw bush.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?
They hid their own eggs!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "

I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What's the difference between morbid and black humour?
A: Well, black humour is like 10 children in one rubbish bin, whereas morbid humour is like one child in 10 rubbish bins.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: One scoop of ice cream and Two scoops of dead baby.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years?
A. Michael Jackson

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
A: Santa comes down the chimney.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Hey, what's the jew doing in the ashtray?
A: Family research.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village?
Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Doctor: "You have cataract in your eyes.

But you need not worry It is hereditary."
Patient: "Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Patient: β€œDoctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”.


Doctor: β€œTake these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!"
"How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What did the cannibal do once he dumped his lady friend?
A: He wiped his bottom.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide.


"I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that."
Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him.
The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Guy having sex says "damn bitch, there should be a law against sex this good.

"
To which the girl replies "I think there is daddy..."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today.
Unfortunately, it's only for victims.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Every night while Dave is having dinner his wife Natalie goes to the bedroom turns off the light and makes out with Daves friend Andy by the window.
After some days Dave had doubt and leaving supper he went to the dark room only to hear whispers from the other side of the window.
He pushes Natalie away goes near the window,unties his pant and put his arse facing the window.
After a minute Andy puts a kiss on his butt cheek and says "Natalie, haven't u brushed ur teeth today?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why are little girls better than little boys?
Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A Jew, a German and an American walked into a small room. The Jew never came out.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy dies whilst making love to his wife.


A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?"
The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!"

The undertaker does as he is told.
On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He was fed up with other people.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What are the best Black Humor puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Black Humor? Well, here are the best jokes about Black Humor to have fun with.

Joko Jokes